This Wedding Invitation Is Causing A Ruckus On Social Media For Putting Guests Into 3 Different Groups
The Covid-19 pandemic is changing the landscape of weddings as we know it. While some people are postponing their celebrations of love for a post-Coronapocalypse world, others are doing what they can to get married ASAP. When New Yorker Marie von Aue posted a photo of an unusual notice that came with a wedding invitation on Twitter, she started a heated discussion. Because of the coronavirus, the bride and groom who sent out the invitation divided people up into 3 groups, based on how close they are to the happy couple.
While those in Group A get preferential treatment and ought to RSVP quickly, those in groups B and C should keep an eye out to see if there are any openings at the wedding. Just in case someone cancels. Some internet users were appalled by this wedding invitation but others thought that there was nothing wrong with it because we’re in the middle of a pandemic.
Bored Panda wanted to get an expert opinion about the invitation that von Aue received and about how the pandemic has affected the wedding industry, so we reached out to The Celebrant Society. Scroll down for the interview.
Mary von Aue posted a photo of a very peculiar notice that came with a wedding invitation
Image credits: von_owie
Image credits: von_owie
Anna from The Celebrant Society told us that it’s a very unique time for everyone right now and that couple are trying to navigate these situations to the best of their abilities while trying to keep their family, friends, and other loved ones happy and involved.
“Guests should really try to understand that couples are trying their hardest to follow guidelines, recommendations, and instructions from their venues and vendors while also trying to celebrate their union. It’s a time for everyone to try their hardest to be understanding, compassionate, and flexible.”
Anna stressed that the wedding industry is struggling badly right now. “Vendors have seen booked out calendars dissolve into full lists of cancellations for months ahead. There’s no endpoint right now and we’re just trying to stay afloat until life gets back to some semblance of normal.”
People had very different opinions about whether or not it was right or wrong. Some thought that the notice was very rude!
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Some are even dealing with similar situations!
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However, others pointed out that this sort of notice is alright and that the practice is nothing new
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Weddings can be a real hassle. You can be sure that whatever decisions you end up making for your wedding, there will be plenty of people who disagree with you. Even if it’s a stranger’s wedding. So it’s no wonder that plenty of people had something to say about the notice that came with the invitation. Some Twitter users were civil while others couldn’t control their expletives.
Whatever people’s opinions in this particular case, getting married in the middle of this pandemic can be a logistical nightmare. The rules for how many guests you can have and what you’re allowed to do are different depending on where you live and what the date is. So while certain states in the US might have their own rules, the British across the pond have their own take on what is and isn’t allowed regarding weddings.
For example, the BBC reports that wedding ceremonies of up to 30 people are allowed to take place in England from July 4. Previously, weddings had been almost entirely banned from March 23. Meanwhile, from August 1, up to 30 people will be allowed to attend the reception afterward (only 6 people outside and 2 households inside can attend them before this date).
So imagine having not just a wedding to plan but also having to become an expert in Covid-19 regulations as you do it. No wonder that some people might resort to sending out notices like the one that von Aue posted!
What do you think about the peculiar wedding invitation and notice that von Aue posted, dear Pandas? Would you send out something similar or do you think it’s wrong to create a hierarchy of people based on how much you like them? Let us know in the comment section below.
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Invite your nearest and dearest and leave it at that, B & C lists aren't about bringing people you love to your wedding, they're about filling seats so the photos look good and hoping for gifts.
How about this: Don't tell any of the invitees which group to which you've assigned them. Set RSVP deadlines, both mail-in and online. Mail out Group A invitations first, and right before the RSVP window closes, mail out Group B invitations, suited to the number of seats still available.
Maybe they planed to do it that way but then had to radically reduce the number of guests on a very short notice and thought this way would be quicker and simpler *shrug* In the end it looks a bit tacky but oh well...
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I would have just invited group A. But I really agree with the commenters wondering why people get so offended they're not on the top list. I mean, of course my grandma comes before some random university friend in my list.
My wild guess: EVERYONE received the note that they are in "Group A."
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To the person that commented it's "tacky" to ask guests to leave the kids at home, I think that's completely unfair. If you want your wedding to be adults only, that's a reasonable request, just makes sure invites go out with enough notice for people to get care. Especially for those who get married later and want to party with their friends who may already have kids. One day I see myself in this situation as I know I won't have kids but my best friend will, and I'd still want her there.
On this one, I absolutely agree. Unless it's immediate family or the flower girl, ring bearer, weddings are really no place for kids. Adults are dancing and drinking. The kids are bored and end up running around, as children will do, and do nothing by cause chaos. But even that can be worded so much more tactfully. Such as on the RSVP card "No. of Adults".
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We skipped off to a judge and had two witnesses. Worked fine!
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They want everyone to come, they just can't have them all together, so they put them into reasonable groups that will get along well and make for appropriate gatherings. Group A would be family and close friends, group B and C would extend to casual friends, coworkers etc. In the end it's probably more comfortable for the couple to separate family time from chilling with friends.
Load More Replies... We just went to a judge with two witnesses. Done and dusted. Everyone equally offended.
I had a small court wedding with our 2 witnesses + one girlfriend of one of the witnesses and one year later a big wedding. A lot of people were hurt we didn't invité them to the court wedding wich we said multiple times before. On the big wedding with like 150 people one person came to ask during the party if his brother could come to party! He didn't get a plus one, i said a real girlfriend not just a Tinder date. I said no man! People get crazy expectations when invited to a wedding.
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I find weddings boring and tedious and only attend out of obligation. Put me on list C please.
As an aunt of MANY, who are at marrying age, I'm a person the couple would generally invite, and I would generally go. However, by all means, I'd MUCH rather they pick a best friend over me. Put me on the "C" list, but invite me. It shows the thought and hope was there, but not the means. Also, asking for no "plus one" is more than reasonable in the pandemic. Come on, the couple wants their very dear loved ones, not the current fling.
I have a niece getting married next year. And hopefully Covid will be a thing of the past (probably not) I am her godmother. But I too, would rather she invited her close friends. That being said, I think she would come and tell me that the wedding has to be smaller than anticipated. I believe the people that you care about deserve that. And if you don't care enough about them to explain that they won't be invited, they shouldn't have been considered in the first place.
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Far less insulting to just not invite so many people. I had 14 people at my wedding, it was perfect.
Depending on your financial contribution you are in first class, business class or economy class. I would choose to stay at home.
I think it would be okay if there weren’t group C. Like what is the purpose of doing that? Group B, fine, because of COVID maybe you’re not a priority guest. Group B people might be mad if they don’t get an invite so I see why the couple went in this direction. But why group C?? Just divide them into two groups. Those who are priority and those who are not. The C just seems like an added insult.
No. This is not okay. That's why they make those little table cards. Ranking people like they're beef? You're choice, you're grade A. Ridiculous.
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I get the reasoning behind it but I feel it was worded tacky. I had a rollercoaster of emotions with this but in the end I feel it was ok, just tacky.
Yeah, I’m not against HAVING first choices and backups, especially at the moment, but announcing it in that way is eyeroll-inducing.
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I consider weddings a hassle and waste of time if I don't really consider one of the couple to be a close friend. So finding myself on the B list would assuage my conscience nicely when I send the "Can't make it" RSVP. If I considered myself a close friend and found myself on the B list, I'd have to re-evaluate the friendship. And this too, would assuage my conscience nicely.
The hope is that there's an empty group C, existing only to make the B's feel better... Planning the Wedding From Hell, I'd reverse that. But yeah, traditionally you simply stagger invites if there's an issue, and don't spell out 'group A, B, C, ...'. In some countries you have the [church] wedding followed by a reception, but the reception is only for those that haven't been invited to the dinner party later, here group B+C I guess (plus closest of family also at reception).
People are shits when it comes to weddings. It is The Newlywed's day - not aunties and uncles and colleagues. Geez. Suck it up. It's not about the guests preferences and self-value visions. I had my wedding during this pandemic. Invited 15 people. 2 were offended that they are not our bridesmaid / best man, even tho their ID's were expired for years and not taken care of & it would not be possible to get new ones since the COVID before our wedding date hits. So yeah, we picked a pair of friends, that had their IDs valid. And by doing so We - in their opinion - offended someone who was said to be our best friend and who did not even showed up at the wedding nor send stupid "best wishes" via text message. And so we had 10 people reception in our backyard. And have 2 friends less, because they won't even answer our calls. So yeah, people are shits and be offended about the most stupid, invalid things you can possibly imagine.
I understand what you're saying, and yes, people get offended. I don't get offended with not being invited. There are always circumstances that you don't know about. But make a decision, invite people or don't invite them. This ranking thing is tacky.
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My bestest (at that time) friend never even told me that they get married. Just sent me some vague photo without Hi or explanation months later. So I'd me much less offended, if someone told me: "We are getting married, but we cannot invite you due to budget, capacity". Not a big deal! I'd get it!
I agree with that, and that's a better way to handle it.
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I think this is a good idea and to some of the tweets to this saying don't stay in contact with me I think they need to grow up
People get too heated about weddings. I think this is a little against etiquette but not burn your bridges.
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We deliberately got a venue that can only handle 50 people and only sent out 30 invitations. There were 38 people there...including the bride and groom. It was a blast.
And that is the way it should be handled. If you're trying to invite more people than the venue can hold, you're just looking for gifts. Or really money.
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How about this? Don't have a wedding. They're a waste of money. Go find a JOP and have a party later once restrictions are lifted. Wedding culture is so stupid.
I've never understood why it's expected to invite strangers to people's big days just because they're dating someone who's invited. They have been to a party without their SO before, haven't they?
I hope all these people who paid ahead for a huge party, but now can only host 50 to 100 get some of their money back from these venues.
I've mentioned to folks for years, 'you don't have to have a wedding to get married ,but you do have to get married to have a wedding'. Priority is a factor. When the time is right to have a blow-out party do it by postcard, if interest is still there.
I don't think there really is a "Group B" or "Group C", this is to make people who don't really want to come to the wedding anyway change their RSVP to 'no' so they don't feel like they are taking up space for someone who really does want to attend.
Like others have said, it’s not new that you have “tiers” for guests. It is however tacky to let the guests know that you do and also let them know what tier their are. You’re basically telling someone “I would like you to attend but not THAT much”
You know, people are having a tough enough time planning weddings right now, I don't think they need to be critiqued on how they go about dealing with seating restrictions. You obviously have one group of people in your life who you would be crushed if they could not attend. But then you have another group who is almost that close, people you really would LIKE to be there if possible, but would have to cut out if limited seating. And then you might also have a third group of people who you'd want to see there, but they don't quite rank in the first two groups. I think they could have handled the invitation better, but someone would have leaked the A group one anyway, so these people cannot win. Let them have their wedding in peace, for mercy's sake. This pandemic thing is new to all of us, and they're just trying to get as close to the wedding they wanted as possible.
If the bride is bright and has a great sense of humor, my guess is that EVERYONE received the same note saying they are in "Group A."
I see their point due to COVID but if I were in the second group there's NO WAY I'd be watching their website to see if a vacant spot became available!
Wedding invitations are always going to be tricky. I try not to be ever offended when I'm not invited to one because it's just all costly and complicated to handle (where do you draw the line?). I think this wasn't handled the best but the people who take it so personally being put into the group B/C seem quite self-centred.
I completely disagree with the last part. It's about the ranking in general. "Oh, come to the wedding, maybe, if we can fit you in, please wait and we'll let you know". That's nonsense. Just don't invite them, don't insult them.
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Lol we did this but didn't tell anyone. You send out invites like 2 months ahead with an RSVP of a few weeks, then when the regrets come in you send out the second wave. No ones feelings get hurt because they don't know.
The ABC grouping is what you do to purge your list BEFORE the invitations are sent out. Close friends and family in "A", and if that amount is less than full capacity amount, or if there are some who send regrets and can't attend, then you go to "B" until you reach the limit. Everyone else gets a wedding announcement afterwards.
what i don't get is why so desperate to have a wedding in the middle of a pandemic, do what you need to do legally if you are that anxious to tie the knot and have the party later when you aren't risking peoples lives nor excluding anyone you wanted to come
Here’s the thing about weddings. They are as much about (if not more so) the family of the people getting married as they are about the people getting married. There are guests you have to invite and guests you want to invite. So you make tiered lists. Mine were A) family we wanted to invite, B) family we had to invite, C) close friends we wanted to invite, D) friends we wanted to be there if possible but not super close friends, and E) friends we should invite out of politeness. In a perfect world, we can invite everyone. But budget and venue size constraints can get in the way. The problem with what this couple did, which makes them lazy and thoughtless, is that they forgot it was their job as planners to track RSVPs and send out the next tier. That is never the guests’ job to watch RSVPs and get their name in.
The reactions remind me of some school saying to parents "no, your children cannot give birthday invitations cards to their friends, unless they invite everyone in the classroom to your house"...yeeeeah, that's how relationships are working in every group in the world, we all invite all the people we know every time we throw a party, sure... While I agree this is not a very tactful way to handle it, the situation must be very difficult for the groom and the bride. Best day of their life, and they cannot even invite who they want...F*** virus.
I was going to say that if in group B or C, I would immediately send my denial. But then I thought, would I even want to be included by such people. So, I'd say NO, no matter what group I was in. Just Yukky.
I'm more offended by the guy who thinks that you shouldn't invite anyone who has kids if you don't want your reception turned into an episode of Romper Room on crack. Guessing he's one of the parents who thinks that their little angel can do no wrong and craps cotton candy.
The wedding invitation designer had it right: Of course, you need to do this kind of thing, in these times, just don't let people know! Insist on RSVPs and then fill the empty spaces. I'm not so sure about uninviting the kids. On the one hand, it is fair to want to have a quite wedding and loud party, on the other it is rather offensive to the guests. i'd talk with close friends who are parents individually and ask what they think. This invitation is a giant foot-in-the-mouth.
I don't get what is so wrong about this. I was invited to a similar wedding, it was not so strict (like with replying and website), but because of budget reasons everyone was invited to join the ceremony but only close family was invited for celebratory lunch. If you are bothered you are not in the "special" group then you are not a good friend at all. Otherwise you would understand that those decisions must be done (either for budget or now for covid reasons).
TBH I think specifying whose in what group is actually necessary, if they didn't want anyone in group B or C to attend they never would have put them on the list; and for all we know this couple might have large families or just a lot of close friends (who could have introduced them or pushed them together). While group B and C could be full of extended family, and aunts and uncles and cousins. Also asking people to keep their kids at home is understandable, children could possibly spread the disease to older family members, not to mention most kids under the age of 13-15 probably wouldn't even be interested in the wedding itself or have knowledge of the couple that's getting married; and this way more of their aunts and uncles could attend.
I'd say a bunch of entitled gits approved of this type of invite in those comments shown above in the article, along with the bride and groom! If you have to limit your guest list do it, don't to act like some tacky celebrity and do this, really. You are supposed to be inviting people to join you in a celebration of your commitment, not a greedy grab for presents.
Invite family. Expect NO gifts, only companionship and thank all for the best wishes. Simple. Humble. Less of an a*****e.
Good grief! If you don't want people to bring a "+1" don't put a "+1" on the invitation. Everybody knows that invitations are only for the people/person listed on the envelope! It's common knowledge and common courtesy. So don't invite them to bring someone then tell them not too. This online garbage is just that. I'd RSVP through the mail like God and Miss Manners intended. (And that RSVP would be to decline the invitation.)
Lol yeah most people will bring a plus one unless you explicitly tell them not to. Heck, some people will bring a plus one even if you do tell them not to!
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While it might not have been the smartest move to let your guests know you have different priority groups of guests, it is not something to shame the bride and groom over. This is normal, of course some guests are more important than others and most people can probably tell which group they are in without having to be explicitly told. Then there is a global pandemic going on, which has clearly thrown a wrench in a lot of wedding planning. It is also perfectly reasonable not to want kids at your wedding. All the people getting offended are the entitled ones here.
I think people are really missing the point. If you're going to do the ranking thing, do it behind the scenes. Sit down, make your list, and invite the number of people you can accommodate. This is not normal to let them know they may or may not be invited. Of course with the pandemic things have changed. If I'm invited to a wedding, that's nice. I may go or not, depending on what's going on. But that's what the RSVP card is about. With things being so up in the air, I like the idea that if people aren't going to come because of Covid, send out the invitations in a staggered manner. And I absolutely agree on the thing with kids. I've never seen a kid at a wedding having fun. Nor the parents of those kids.
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They just want to keep people safe and demonstrate social responsibility.I'm sure. Nothing offensive here.
If this was just a matter of Covid, I'd understand, but you know what's going on in the world now. And I think everyone understands that things have to be changed as a result. But why not just invite who you can accommodate? It doesn't sound like this wedding was planned before the pandemic.
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I don't like wedding and really never wanted to have one, nor did I evee dreamt of the white gown. I do not understand the problem with not being invited. Surely an adult can understand the situation and handle the fact of not being an A lister
Yes, adults can understand not being invited. What is reprehensible here, is the attitude, "Oh, if we have the room, you can come". Does the term second fiddle come to mind?
Load More Replies... Or how about, know how many people you can invite, and choose from your close family and friends. If you have to have a smaller wedding, people will understand that. What they won't understand is being treated as if they should be getting down and kissing the feet of the people inviting them. I'm shocked that people don't find this the epitome of bad manners.
You know what's self centered? Having a wedding during a pandemic. I do NOT want to be at my mother's wedding and already stepped down from MOH. You can still be with the guy you like, you can still get married but will waiting a year for a dream ceremony truly be that awful?
Some people make reservations months or years in advance, and sometimes they can't get deposits back. That's a lot of money potentially lost due to an unforeseen circumstance.
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I actually don't get why so many people think this invitation is impolite ore anything like that. It's practical, it shows effort and we all know the situation right now.
It is impolite. You don't tell people that "maybe" they're invited. You simply don't invite them if you can't fit them in. This isn't practical, this is a way of trying to get the most wedding gifts as you can.
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I honestly don't even understand why people are still planning weddings right now. It can wait until the c**p is over
This is not a new Coronavirus induced topic. There has always been a limitation to venues, etc. so what do you do? You properly and respectfully invite the right number of people to your event. No need to “over send” invitations to a larger group and insult them in the process. Corona can’t be used as an excuse here.
"We need to divide up into teams, but it’s winner-take-all so no need to divide evenly. We need an A-team, a backup team and a just-have-fun team. So you guys all know yourselves." Dunder-Mif...29c540.jpg 
I refuse to rank my social circle. Ever. Nas if you do those you're trash.
Entitled groom and bride, easily offended guests. They deserve each other.
Invite your nearest and dearest and leave it at that, B & C lists aren't about bringing people you love to your wedding, they're about filling seats so the photos look good and hoping for gifts.
How about this: Don't tell any of the invitees which group to which you've assigned them. Set RSVP deadlines, both mail-in and online. Mail out Group A invitations first, and right before the RSVP window closes, mail out Group B invitations, suited to the number of seats still available.
Maybe they planed to do it that way but then had to radically reduce the number of guests on a very short notice and thought this way would be quicker and simpler *shrug* In the end it looks a bit tacky but oh well...
Load More Replies... I would have just invited group A. But I really agree with the commenters wondering why people get so offended they're not on the top list. I mean, of course my grandma comes before some random university friend in my list.
My wild guess: EVERYONE received the note that they are in "Group A."
Load More Replies... To the person that commented it's "tacky" to ask guests to leave the kids at home, I think that's completely unfair. If you want your wedding to be adults only, that's a reasonable request, just makes sure invites go out with enough notice for people to get care. Especially for those who get married later and want to party with their friends who may already have kids. One day I see myself in this situation as I know I won't have kids but my best friend will, and I'd still want her there.
On this one, I absolutely agree. Unless it's immediate family or the flower girl, ring bearer, weddings are really no place for kids. Adults are dancing and drinking. The kids are bored and end up running around, as children will do, and do nothing by cause chaos. But even that can be worded so much more tactfully. Such as on the RSVP card "No. of Adults".
Load More Replies... We skipped off to a judge and had two witnesses. Worked fine!
Load More Replies... They want everyone to come, they just can't have them all together, so they put them into reasonable groups that will get along well and make for appropriate gatherings. Group A would be family and close friends, group B and C would extend to casual friends, coworkers etc. In the end it's probably more comfortable for the couple to separate family time from chilling with friends.
Load More Replies... We just went to a judge with two witnesses. Done and dusted. Everyone equally offended.
I had a small court wedding with our 2 witnesses + one girlfriend of one of the witnesses and one year later a big wedding. A lot of people were hurt we didn't invité them to the court wedding wich we said multiple times before. On the big wedding with like 150 people one person came to ask during the party if his brother could come to party! He didn't get a plus one, i said a real girlfriend not just a Tinder date. I said no man! People get crazy expectations when invited to a wedding.
Load More Replies... I find weddings boring and tedious and only attend out of obligation. Put me on list C please.
As an aunt of MANY, who are at marrying age, I'm a person the couple would generally invite, and I would generally go. However, by all means, I'd MUCH rather they pick a best friend over me. Put me on the "C" list, but invite me. It shows the thought and hope was there, but not the means. Also, asking for no "plus one" is more than reasonable in the pandemic. Come on, the couple wants their very dear loved ones, not the current fling.
I have a niece getting married next year. And hopefully Covid will be a thing of the past (probably not) I am her godmother. But I too, would rather she invited her close friends. That being said, I think she would come and tell me that the wedding has to be smaller than anticipated. I believe the people that you care about deserve that. And if you don't care enough about them to explain that they won't be invited, they shouldn't have been considered in the first place.
Load More Replies... Far less insulting to just not invite so many people. I had 14 people at my wedding, it was perfect.
Depending on your financial contribution you are in first class, business class or economy class. I would choose to stay at home.
I think it would be okay if there weren’t group C. Like what is the purpose of doing that? Group B, fine, because of COVID maybe you’re not a priority guest. Group B people might be mad if they don’t get an invite so I see why the couple went in this direction. But why group C?? Just divide them into two groups. Those who are priority and those who are not. The C just seems like an added insult.
No. This is not okay. That's why they make those little table cards. Ranking people like they're beef? You're choice, you're grade A. Ridiculous.
Load More Replies... I get the reasoning behind it but I feel it was worded tacky. I had a rollercoaster of emotions with this but in the end I feel it was ok, just tacky.
Yeah, I’m not against HAVING first choices and backups, especially at the moment, but announcing it in that way is eyeroll-inducing.
Load More Replies... I consider weddings a hassle and waste of time if I don't really consider one of the couple to be a close friend. So finding myself on the B list would assuage my conscience nicely when I send the "Can't make it" RSVP. If I considered myself a close friend and found myself on the B list, I'd have to re-evaluate the friendship. And this too, would assuage my conscience nicely.
The hope is that there's an empty group C, existing only to make the B's feel better... Planning the Wedding From Hell, I'd reverse that. But yeah, traditionally you simply stagger invites if there's an issue, and don't spell out 'group A, B, C, ...'. In some countries you have the [church] wedding followed by a reception, but the reception is only for those that haven't been invited to the dinner party later, here group B+C I guess (plus closest of family also at reception).
People are shits when it comes to weddings. It is The Newlywed's day - not aunties and uncles and colleagues. Geez. Suck it up. It's not about the guests preferences and self-value visions. I had my wedding during this pandemic. Invited 15 people. 2 were offended that they are not our bridesmaid / best man, even tho their ID's were expired for years and not taken care of & it would not be possible to get new ones since the COVID before our wedding date hits. So yeah, we picked a pair of friends, that had their IDs valid. And by doing so We - in their opinion - offended someone who was said to be our best friend and who did not even showed up at the wedding nor send stupid "best wishes" via text message. And so we had 10 people reception in our backyard. And have 2 friends less, because they won't even answer our calls. So yeah, people are shits and be offended about the most stupid, invalid things you can possibly imagine.
I understand what you're saying, and yes, people get offended. I don't get offended with not being invited. There are always circumstances that you don't know about. But make a decision, invite people or don't invite them. This ranking thing is tacky.
Load More Replies... My bestest (at that time) friend never even told me that they get married. Just sent me some vague photo without Hi or explanation months later. So I'd me much less offended, if someone told me: "We are getting married, but we cannot invite you due to budget, capacity". Not a big deal! I'd get it!
I agree with that, and that's a better way to handle it.
Load More Replies... I think this is a good idea and to some of the tweets to this saying don't stay in contact with me I think they need to grow up
People get too heated about weddings. I think this is a little against etiquette but not burn your bridges.
Load More Replies... We deliberately got a venue that can only handle 50 people and only sent out 30 invitations. There were 38 people there...including the bride and groom. It was a blast.
And that is the way it should be handled. If you're trying to invite more people than the venue can hold, you're just looking for gifts. Or really money.
Load More Replies... How about this? Don't have a wedding. They're a waste of money. Go find a JOP and have a party later once restrictions are lifted. Wedding culture is so stupid.
I've never understood why it's expected to invite strangers to people's big days just because they're dating someone who's invited. They have been to a party without their SO before, haven't they?
I hope all these people who paid ahead for a huge party, but now can only host 50 to 100 get some of their money back from these venues.
I've mentioned to folks for years, 'you don't have to have a wedding to get married ,but you do have to get married to have a wedding'. Priority is a factor. When the time is right to have a blow-out party do it by postcard, if interest is still there.
I don't think there really is a "Group B" or "Group C", this is to make people who don't really want to come to the wedding anyway change their RSVP to 'no' so they don't feel like they are taking up space for someone who really does want to attend.
Like others have said, it’s not new that you have “tiers” for guests. It is however tacky to let the guests know that you do and also let them know what tier their are. You’re basically telling someone “I would like you to attend but not THAT much”
You know, people are having a tough enough time planning weddings right now, I don't think they need to be critiqued on how they go about dealing with seating restrictions. You obviously have one group of people in your life who you would be crushed if they could not attend. But then you have another group who is almost that close, people you really would LIKE to be there if possible, but would have to cut out if limited seating. And then you might also have a third group of people who you'd want to see there, but they don't quite rank in the first two groups. I think they could have handled the invitation better, but someone would have leaked the A group one anyway, so these people cannot win. Let them have their wedding in peace, for mercy's sake. This pandemic thing is new to all of us, and they're just trying to get as close to the wedding they wanted as possible.
If the bride is bright and has a great sense of humor, my guess is that EVERYONE received the same note saying they are in "Group A."
I see their point due to COVID but if I were in the second group there's NO WAY I'd be watching their website to see if a vacant spot became available!
Wedding invitations are always going to be tricky. I try not to be ever offended when I'm not invited to one because it's just all costly and complicated to handle (where do you draw the line?). I think this wasn't handled the best but the people who take it so personally being put into the group B/C seem quite self-centred.
I completely disagree with the last part. It's about the ranking in general. "Oh, come to the wedding, maybe, if we can fit you in, please wait and we'll let you know". That's nonsense. Just don't invite them, don't insult them.
Load More Replies... Lol we did this but didn't tell anyone. You send out invites like 2 months ahead with an RSVP of a few weeks, then when the regrets come in you send out the second wave. No ones feelings get hurt because they don't know.
The ABC grouping is what you do to purge your list BEFORE the invitations are sent out. Close friends and family in "A", and if that amount is less than full capacity amount, or if there are some who send regrets and can't attend, then you go to "B" until you reach the limit. Everyone else gets a wedding announcement afterwards.
what i don't get is why so desperate to have a wedding in the middle of a pandemic, do what you need to do legally if you are that anxious to tie the knot and have the party later when you aren't risking peoples lives nor excluding anyone you wanted to come
Here’s the thing about weddings. They are as much about (if not more so) the family of the people getting married as they are about the people getting married. There are guests you have to invite and guests you want to invite. So you make tiered lists. Mine were A) family we wanted to invite, B) family we had to invite, C) close friends we wanted to invite, D) friends we wanted to be there if possible but not super close friends, and E) friends we should invite out of politeness. In a perfect world, we can invite everyone. But budget and venue size constraints can get in the way. The problem with what this couple did, which makes them lazy and thoughtless, is that they forgot it was their job as planners to track RSVPs and send out the next tier. That is never the guests’ job to watch RSVPs and get their name in.
The reactions remind me of some school saying to parents "no, your children cannot give birthday invitations cards to their friends, unless they invite everyone in the classroom to your house"...yeeeeah, that's how relationships are working in every group in the world, we all invite all the people we know every time we throw a party, sure... While I agree this is not a very tactful way to handle it, the situation must be very difficult for the groom and the bride. Best day of their life, and they cannot even invite who they want...F*** virus.
I was going to say that if in group B or C, I would immediately send my denial. But then I thought, would I even want to be included by such people. So, I'd say NO, no matter what group I was in. Just Yukky.
I'm more offended by the guy who thinks that you shouldn't invite anyone who has kids if you don't want your reception turned into an episode of Romper Room on crack. Guessing he's one of the parents who thinks that their little angel can do no wrong and craps cotton candy.
The wedding invitation designer had it right: Of course, you need to do this kind of thing, in these times, just don't let people know! Insist on RSVPs and then fill the empty spaces. I'm not so sure about uninviting the kids. On the one hand, it is fair to want to have a quite wedding and loud party, on the other it is rather offensive to the guests. i'd talk with close friends who are parents individually and ask what they think. This invitation is a giant foot-in-the-mouth.
I don't get what is so wrong about this. I was invited to a similar wedding, it was not so strict (like with replying and website), but because of budget reasons everyone was invited to join the ceremony but only close family was invited for celebratory lunch. If you are bothered you are not in the "special" group then you are not a good friend at all. Otherwise you would understand that those decisions must be done (either for budget or now for covid reasons).
TBH I think specifying whose in what group is actually necessary, if they didn't want anyone in group B or C to attend they never would have put them on the list; and for all we know this couple might have large families or just a lot of close friends (who could have introduced them or pushed them together). While group B and C could be full of extended family, and aunts and uncles and cousins. Also asking people to keep their kids at home is understandable, children could possibly spread the disease to older family members, not to mention most kids under the age of 13-15 probably wouldn't even be interested in the wedding itself or have knowledge of the couple that's getting married; and this way more of their aunts and uncles could attend.
I'd say a bunch of entitled gits approved of this type of invite in those comments shown above in the article, along with the bride and groom! If you have to limit your guest list do it, don't to act like some tacky celebrity and do this, really. You are supposed to be inviting people to join you in a celebration of your commitment, not a greedy grab for presents.
Invite family. Expect NO gifts, only companionship and thank all for the best wishes. Simple. Humble. Less of an a*****e.
Good grief! If you don't want people to bring a "+1" don't put a "+1" on the invitation. Everybody knows that invitations are only for the people/person listed on the envelope! It's common knowledge and common courtesy. So don't invite them to bring someone then tell them not too. This online garbage is just that. I'd RSVP through the mail like God and Miss Manners intended. (And that RSVP would be to decline the invitation.)
Lol yeah most people will bring a plus one unless you explicitly tell them not to. Heck, some people will bring a plus one even if you do tell them not to!
Load More Replies... While it might not have been the smartest move to let your guests know you have different priority groups of guests, it is not something to shame the bride and groom over. This is normal, of course some guests are more important than others and most people can probably tell which group they are in without having to be explicitly told. Then there is a global pandemic going on, which has clearly thrown a wrench in a lot of wedding planning. It is also perfectly reasonable not to want kids at your wedding. All the people getting offended are the entitled ones here.
I think people are really missing the point. If you're going to do the ranking thing, do it behind the scenes. Sit down, make your list, and invite the number of people you can accommodate. This is not normal to let them know they may or may not be invited. Of course with the pandemic things have changed. If I'm invited to a wedding, that's nice. I may go or not, depending on what's going on. But that's what the RSVP card is about. With things being so up in the air, I like the idea that if people aren't going to come because of Covid, send out the invitations in a staggered manner. And I absolutely agree on the thing with kids. I've never seen a kid at a wedding having fun. Nor the parents of those kids.
Load More Replies... They just want to keep people safe and demonstrate social responsibility.I'm sure. Nothing offensive here.
If this was just a matter of Covid, I'd understand, but you know what's going on in the world now. And I think everyone understands that things have to be changed as a result. But why not just invite who you can accommodate? It doesn't sound like this wedding was planned before the pandemic.
Load More Replies... I don't like wedding and really never wanted to have one, nor did I evee dreamt of the white gown. I do not understand the problem with not being invited. Surely an adult can understand the situation and handle the fact of not being an A lister
Yes, adults can understand not being invited. What is reprehensible here, is the attitude, "Oh, if we have the room, you can come". Does the term second fiddle come to mind?
Load More Replies... Or how about, know how many people you can invite, and choose from your close family and friends. If you have to have a smaller wedding, people will understand that. What they won't understand is being treated as if they should be getting down and kissing the feet of the people inviting them. I'm shocked that people don't find this the epitome of bad manners.
You know what's self centered? Having a wedding during a pandemic. I do NOT want to be at my mother's wedding and already stepped down from MOH. You can still be with the guy you like, you can still get married but will waiting a year for a dream ceremony truly be that awful?
Some people make reservations months or years in advance, and sometimes they can't get deposits back. That's a lot of money potentially lost due to an unforeseen circumstance.
Load More Replies... I actually don't get why so many people think this invitation is impolite ore anything like that. It's practical, it shows effort and we all know the situation right now.
It is impolite. You don't tell people that "maybe" they're invited. You simply don't invite them if you can't fit them in. This isn't practical, this is a way of trying to get the most wedding gifts as you can.
Load More Replies... I honestly don't even understand why people are still planning weddings right now. It can wait until the c**p is over
This is not a new Coronavirus induced topic. There has always been a limitation to venues, etc. so what do you do? You properly and respectfully invite the right number of people to your event. No need to “over send” invitations to a larger group and insult them in the process. Corona can’t be used as an excuse here.
"We need to divide up into teams, but it’s winner-take-all so no need to divide evenly. We need an A-team, a backup team and a just-have-fun team. So you guys all know yourselves." Dunder-Mif...29c540.jpg
I refuse to rank my social circle. Ever. Nas if you do those you're trash.
Entitled groom and bride, easily offended guests. They deserve each other.
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