Person Nopes Out From Boyfriend’s Parents’ House After Meeting Them For The First Time, Causing Relationship Drama, Asks If They’re A Jerk
A tenth of a second is all it takes for people to make an impression on a stranger from their face. So no wonder meeting your partner’s family for the first time is such a nerve-racking experience! Even if you play out different scenarios countless times in your head up until stepping through their front door, first-impression jitters are bound to go up and down your spine.
But as one recent story on the AITA subreddit shows, meeting your potential in-laws is a two-way street where unhinged behaviors seem to bubble their way to the surface. As the now-deleted user explains in the post that amassed 17.8k upvotes and 2.2k comments, things definitely didn’t go as planned when they went to visit the family for Canadian Thanksgiving.
“We were supposed to stay Sat, Sun and fly back afternoon Monday. I’m writing this Sun night already back in my own bed,” they detailed. It turns out that the family was acting weird from the get-go, but things took an unexpected turn after they were asked to chip in for their portion of the holiday meal. Unsure of how they handled the situation, the user turned to the internet for perspective. Read on below to find out what happened, as well as our interview with relationship coach and narcissism hacker Dr. Nathalie Martinek, and let us know what you think in the comments.
This person was left “pretty shocked and angry” after their boyfriend’s family asked them to pay for their portion of Thanksgiving dinner
Image credits: RODNAE Productions
So they turned to the internet to ask if they overreacted
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman
Image credits: [deleted]
According to Dr. Nathalie Martinek, a narcissism hacker and relationship coach based in Melbourne, Australia, meeting a partner’s family for the first time is always a stressful experience. “There are many possibilities of what you will experience,” she told Bored Panda. “You’re the new person being introduced to an established family system, it’s normal to worry about being judged and deemed not good enough by their family.”
Unfortunately, your partner can intensify your worry by telling you something about their parents that paints them in a specific light. “You’ll be coming into the first encounter with pre-formed judgments,” Dr. Martinek explained.
There’s no way you can completely avoid the pre-meeting jitters, and let’s face it, you’re likely to be nervous. But some things that can help is to see yourself as good enough for your partner and remember that this encounter — which often feels like an audition — is a two-way street. Or, the coach said, “like you’re interviewing your partner’s family.”
“Like it or not, you’re not just in a relationship with your partner. The success of your relationship is already influenced by your partner’s relationship with their family and meeting them will show you exactly what you need to know to consider if your relationship has a future at all.”
Dr. Martinek pointed out that it’s easy to understand the wish for a great first impression because how we begin a relationship shapes how it proceeds. In fact, she said the first interaction already establishes an image that is hard to shift.
“Some families will put on a performance so that you can see how great they are only to discover over time how controlling and problematic they are in your relationship,” she continued. “Others will be themselves and you will already be able to determine if your values are aligned… or not.”
No matter the situation, your relationship with potential in-laws will be rocky from the start if you don’t share the same values. “If a family has already formed their opinion of you based on whatever their adult child told them and what they want to believe (ie. no one is good enough for my son/daughter!), if you don’t act according to what they expect, they won’t like you,” Dr. Martinek said.
The situation may reach a whole new level of complicated when your partner takes their side, just as the boyfriend in the AITA story. When this happens at the start of the relationship, Dr. Martinek offered one important piece of advice: “RUN!”
“The biggest red flag of a difficult relationship to come is your partner defending their family’s poor behavior. This shows you they haven’t become independent from their family and their need for approval from their family/parents,” the coach said, adding you will even be demonized if you challenge this codependent dynamic.
Moreover, children of controlling or abusive parents often can’t see this behavior clearly, and they “will likely protect them over protecting you, especially when the parents are being awful toward you.”
“There will always be drama because the parents will be working hard to convince your partner you’re not good enough and you’re the problem in the relationship,” Dr. Martinek continued.
Readers expressed their support for the author, calling out the family and their questionable behaviors
Even though first-time family meetings are notorious for turning into the least enjoyable relationship milestone, we still strive for things to go smoothly. Luckily, there are some steps you can take that make everything at least a little less stressful.
First, acknowledge that you’re entering an existing family system where your partner might play a specific role — and that it may be something you don’t get to see when you’re alone. “This gives you insight into whether the parent wants your partner to be truly independent or if you’re a replacement for one of your partner’s parents and playing out the parent’s role in your relationship with each other.”
Speaking of the latter, when you feel like you must put on a performance to gain their approval instead of being accepted for who you are, you’re setting unrealistic expectations you won’t be able to sustain long term, Dr. Martinek argued. “This will result in arguments and conflict when you fail to live up to the standards you created.”
“It also means you don’t feel safe being yourself because they’re acting in ways that make you really uncomfortable. If that’s the case, it will feel like torture spending longer periods of time with them in the future,” she added.
Another tip the relationship coach suggested is to have an honest conversation with your SO about what to expect — a bit of research can go a long way. A few things to consider: what they told them about you, how their family welcomes guests, what are their household rules, and what are their beliefs about relationships in their home.
“Get as much information up front BEFORE you agree to meet them,” Dr. Martinek advised. “If the person in the Reddit post knew that they would be sleeping in separate rooms, charged for Thanksgiving dinner and other unwelcome surprises, they would have likely declined and avoided the encounter altogether, and hopefully reflected on the future of the relationship with the partner.”
“Unfortunately, if you’re not welcomed by your partner’s family and their family is an important feature in their life, the relationship will be troubled and filled with drama. Life gives us enough drama and it’s really helpful to navigate life’s bumps with a partner who has the maturity to stand up to parents and have control over their own choices, instead of one who will bend to the will of their domineering, controlling and demanding parents,” Dr. Martinek concluded.
494Kviews
Share on FacebookEuropean here. I thought Thanksgiving was meant to celebrate that the Pilgrims (or whoever) had such a bountiful harvest that they shared it with their neighbours, friends, even the Indegenous people. So apart from asking a guest for money, THIS should be the one holiday where it is TOTALLY inappropriate. Or am I wrong ??
It's been a tradition for a long time and the emphasis is more on getting together with family and friends and being thankful for being together and being in each other's lives. Asking for money is very strange. Either the bf didn't understand it's strange or was too clueless to explain it in advance or slip his parents the cover charge so they didn't embarrass his girlfriend.
Load More Replies...This is just weird. The BF likely didn't know any better if he grew up with these people. My guess is that somehow this family managed to accumulate some friends. Stranger things have happened and keep happening. In their circle of friends, they have potluck BBQ and each guest pays for their portion. Weird, but if everyone agrees I am fine with it. Extending this "tradition" to out-of-town guests, let alone your possible DIL, is weird AF. My wife is Canadian, BTW. I spent many holidays as a guest of her family and no one inquired about the kilos of smack I usually carry with me on international flights and I was never presented with a bill for dinner.
When I have people over, I provide the meal. If I have not had people around for a while, and I don't have time or cash, I'll just do something simple. Some Christmas holidays, we would all bring two courses and have a ten course banquet, everyone contributes, everyone gets to show off a bit. And no one person is left with the full work and hassle of doing too much.
Load More Replies...What were they serving that was so costly, anyway? I'm sure I could do a Thanksgiving dinner for less than $30/head.
Absolutely! I've been asking myself this same question... It almost seems like to me that she's being asked to pay half of the total cost of the Thanksgiving bill...I find this so crazy. His mother escorting OP out of her boyfriend's room while they were talking also...that's insane that he said and did nothing. Her boyfriend is a sad sorry excuse for a man and a partner to sit idly by, he's truly a joke. She did the only thing she could at that point to save herself from the horrifying behavior towards her and so glad she did. She surly saved herself from further nasty behavior that would have happened had she stayed. She must have felt like she was in a freaking nightmare until she got home. Poor girl, I hope she finds someone who treats her the way she deserves to be treated.
Load More Replies...Asking a guest in your home to pay for their portion of a meal is rude. Asking them to pay for a holiday meal is worse.
Especially if they have paid to travel, it would be nice to have something as a gift to the host or wine or dessert or whatever, but I wouldn't necessarily expect that of my kid and his friends either.
Load More Replies...i would have also "noped" out of that place.. but i would have payed a fee for the room and the service too ... everything written down meticulously like : 10$ for water 15$ for the bedsheets being clean, 3$ for heating and electricity costs, 0.5$ for the warm welcome.... just to show them how ridiculous it was.
Your level of pettiness is awe inspiring. My compliments.
Load More Replies...I live on government disability benefits, it's enough to live on but obviously not extravagant. I have never once asked a guest to pay for their portion of a meal. I have even temporarily housed friends of my daughter when they fell out with their parents and I didn't ask them to contribute to costs. If anyone has said they would like to help I suggest an extra dessert or some drinks but insist it isn't necessary. To he honest, I wouldn't stay with the boyfriend in this scenario, it doesn't sound like they will have a happy relationship with their in-laws and the fact that the boyfriend defended his mother rather than his girlfriend is not a good omen for the future. If it was that normal to him he would have offered a contribution everytime he ate with his girlfriend's parents and it doesn't sound like he did.
Another Canadian - just buying the turkey this Thanksgiving cost me $50 - but I sure never asked anyone of my guests to pay for a portion of it! These people are weird and don't understand the concept of "Thanksgiving". Yeesh.
Load More Replies...I really like the part about “my parents don’t like you anyway.” Thanks Mr. Obvious. Lol.
Where the heck does anyone on this planet ask a guest to pay for a meal at your home when you invited them? Anybody know the answer? I've never heard of this in my life.
We have a big family 60 when we all get together. In advance we ask about choices and the vote that wins is a catered meal . We give a menu and a head count with tip and let everyone know. We do 2 menus and picking a winning menu and if someone has a special diet they can opt out so then the headcount and cost are divided. So no dishes to wash and no take home because it is per person and paid in advance with PayPal with your number of guest including children. Special diets can opt in and eat what they want at the same price or they can bring their own at their cost. Drinks non alcoholic are provided tea unsw/sweet, water, lemonade. It works out to be about 10.00 a person plus tip. We double the tax and split it up as the tip. We pick up. No delivery. Works great.
Load More Replies...I don't know if this post is real or fake but it just makes me sad. Holidays should be about family getting together. If they can't afford it, don't host! Or potluck it! I'd rather eat a bowl of 50 cent ramen with family than pay for a meal that I thought I was a guest of. Why not just go out and eat if they only want to pay for their portion?
Please don't make it a Canadian thing because it's not. It's the boyfriend family culture thing. I've been invited to several Canadian homes for dinner and have had only glowing experiences. And even suggesting I bring something was immediately met with no no no not necessary at all. Many people have weird subculture within a bigger culture as in your ex future in laws....I hope he's an ex now.... and or even within families. One brother may allow smoking after dinner in the home, another brother may have a NO SMOKING sign up. Your boyfriends family was disrespectful, inconsiderate and plain rude and that right there was THEIR family's culture. You need to cut this guy loose and find yourself a REAL Canadian.
Canadian here. There is no way in hell that anyone I know would charge a guest for their food. It's my home - not a restaurant. This loony guy was raised by loony parents and he (and they) should be avoided like the plague. Return this guy and find yourself another lad my girl. This one's broken.
This is utter buullsshhiitt. I'm a Canadian with a lot of Americans added into the clan. I'm 60 and have lived in Mexico, the US, and Canada for most of those years. Over 60 thanksgiving (sometimes you have to double up, family issues) and thousands of interactions with others in reference to holidays, and there is NOT ONE instance of this happening. For the 'BF' to be an adult, he would have to have at least ONE friend who lives a normal life and doesn't do this. So, his family is aberrant in some way and he's covering for it. Maybe they just wanted to break the young couple up. Some sort of bizarre test.
Canadian here, no that's weird.... I've never asked that, nor do I expect people to bring food. I also don't ask my guests about drugs 😂
$30 for such a reliable early warning is a bargain. "When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou
The only time you pay for a meal is if you are in a restaurant. I am guessing that this guy's parents don't live in a restaurant, therefore their request is ridiculous. I am surprised that they have friends as well. I would never even think to ask a guest in my home to pay for their portion of the meal. The fact that he sees this as completely normal makes it even worse. She didn't dodge a bullet, she dodged a bomb.
Canadian here, this is astounding!! I've never heard of charging someone to come for dinner without at least telling them first! The drugs question is weird but maybe their son has had a thing for drug users in the past? Idk. And the moving you to a seperate bedroom is also weird. I had a boyfriend who moved in with my parents (when I still lived with them also '05ish) when I was younger, and there was never a question of "where will he sleep" as it was expected we would be sharing my room. Wild! And SOOO NTA!!
I'm not clear whether the boyfriend thought this behaviour (asking for money from dinner guests) was normal and hadn't warned her as result, but even if he thought it was normal why he didn't over to cover the charge? Though actually, I wonder if despite the bill she might have stayed the rest of the weekend were it not for what happened next - was the final straw the discussion being interrupted and OP finding herself being escorted from her boyfriend's room to the guest room by the boyfriend's mother as if she were a prison warden? Was the mother patrolling concerned for her son's virtue, or was she just concerned that OP might actually educate her boyfriend that his parents' behaviour was rude and inappropriate.
I can understand that the parents don’t want drugs brought into their home, but the boyfriend should have warned OP that they would ask (in addition to warning her that she would be asked to pay for dinner). She and the boyfriend should sit down and have a LONG talk about cultural differences; then she can decide if she wants to continue the relationship.
This isn't cultural. His folks are just weird. And so is he.
Load More Replies...Omg weirdos, there might of being another few hidden charges by the time you left 🤯
200 Canadian dollar please for using the guest room. And a 50 fee for cleaning the bed for you. Oh you had water from a bottle. That's 8 dollar. LOL my aunt once threw a family party and they hired this huge place and paid everything and then she sat next to the toilets to ask for 25 cent. She was always so hilarious. https://youtu.be/gJPOOUReEH8
Load More Replies...I am working class poor. I would never dream of charging the people I've invited over for their meal. That is despicable. If you can't cover the costs of the meal, you don't throw the party. If everyone is a bit strapped you agree to a potluck. I don't even want to touch on the whole "Do you have drugs?" or being "escorted" to a separate room. Just rude and disgusting. The least this BF could've done is warn her and pay his ridiculous parents. Skinflint is a bad look on anyone...
I'm Canadian and this is not a thing! I've been both a guest and host in many family dinner situations and have never been asked to pay a cent. For larger celebrations, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's etc., it is common practice here to bring something to the table or for the host, even when we're told not to! If something for the meal, food, dessert or drink, like a bottle of wine. We do this to show appreciation for being hosted and because we are not asshats raised by uncultured or ill mannered people. This is beyond rude, it's crass and so devoid of class, I'm embarrassed to be Canadian after reading it!
If you're expected to pay restaurant prices, I hope you get to send imperfect servings back to the kitchen.. and receive a doggy bag with your % of any leftovers. Hospitality is not expecting people to feel privileged to be in your company but make them so comfortable and welcome that hopefully they leave feeling that way.
I'm curious how old these two are. If the BF has lived away from his parents for even a year he should have learned how unusual their behavior is. There was one family we were friends with when I was growing up. They would host potlucks all the time and they would ask that people either bring a dish, or pay $5-10 so they could get/make something else. It was a little odd, but makes way more sense than this.
Creepy. And NTA, I think you might want to reconsider your relationship.
Canadian here. An that's not a Canadian custom. It's simple capitalism, the rich/ well off use an abuse the masses for their personal gain.
F*cking Thenardiers, the boyfriend's parents are. They should never have asked for payment, and if the boyfriend wanted them to meet her knowing they would, he should have offered to cover the fee. Additionally, even if you go to a restaurant, they tell you the price of what you are eating before you eat it, so if the parents were expecting reimbursement, there is no context in which it is acceptable for them to have spring that on you after you finished eating.
My first thought was: "You dodged a bullet there." I may be european and not familiar with thanksgiving, I only know it from movies basically and that's that - but I still find it very weird to ask people who I invite to celebrate this event with, to pay for their portion. WTF.
I have an international circle of friends who have their own international circle of friends. I myself didn't have this situation but one of my friends were asked to pay while visiting somebody for a dinner. And everybody were treating it as a normal thing. My friend was in absolute shock, since herself she's a Greek and in Greece it's absolute outrage to ask anything from your guest. If I understood correctly, this custom is present in some parts of the world, mostly northern parts. However, a family charging a family member for a dinner?
This is not a Canadian thing. If anything it is the opposite. Ask ifbi can bring anything and told definately not.
Load More Replies...I used to have to pack a lunch if i wanted to hang out at my high school boyfriends house for the day because it was once determined i would otherwise "eat them out of house and home" after one time my boyfriend made me a sandwich that consisted of 2 slices of wonder bread and a single slice of ham.
If they had gone out to a restaurant, I could understand asking OP to pay for their own meal. I just learned the other day that a family member of my husband attempted to pull this same trick at Thanksgiving one year, and it resulted in everyone just leaving. This is never considered "normal", and it is very rude. The part that gets me is that there was no warning, and then OP gets told that their partner's parents already don't like them for refusing to pay? This person will be single forever if they keep condoning their parents' weird dinner policy. Bravo, OP!
Well.... Those people are nuts and the BF is clearly a douche. I'd end that relationship as quickly as possible. Because a future with those people would only get worse from this point on.
They did not pay for her airfare there, nor her return flight. Why dod they think she owes them? Plus, this is not how hosts or generosity (which is what an invite is) works, anywhere.
For $30.00 I would expect something other than turkey. Like a standing rib roast and my own bone to nibble/gnaw on.
I live in the US, but have spent a lot of time working in various parts of Canada. On numerous occasions people who I've just met, sometimes in my work, sometimes just casually. I've been invited to meals, to stay overnight, to enjoy a drink, etc. One time, when I was stranded due to very awful weather, a couple I had just met insisted I spent Christmas with them! It was a wonderful day, full of fun and great food. No matter the setting, no matter how poor or how wealthy the folks, I have never been asked to pay for a meal or anything else. I mean who does that? It is tacky beyond belief. The only upside of this experience is now you know what being married to this guy would be like. Me, I'd run away so fast his head would spin. Not warning you and then not defending you tells me all I would need to know in order to say "bye-bye."
This is also NOT an American custom. Celebrating holidays is getting together with family and friends. No one has ever stopped any of my family at the door and asked for a fee to chip in. Now when we had Family dinners, holiday celebrations all of the friends and family made it potluck. My parents supplied the turkey, ham or whatever meat was served as well as the dressing, potatoes etc. the rest of the family supplied all the side dishes. Never was any money exchanged. Everyone volunteered to bring their dish to share with everyone. Our get togethers were great. I miss it all. I am the last sibling, and my 2 children live far away, so there is no longer get togethers. Good memories though.
yeah, they are the a*****e not you and I'm pretty sure this relationship is over if you can't get along with his parents and you would not be in the wrong either
I think the bf asked his family to help him dump his gf so they came up with this shenanigans
I just wanna mKe it very clear....this is not a Canadian thing......this is an AH thing lol
Canadian here, and I have NEVER heard of anyone asking for a guest to pay for their portion of a meal. It's just the boyfriend's family that's super weird and rude. For sure not a 'Canadian' thing. Thanksgiving is all about GIVING THANKS for what you have; home, family, food, etc. Asking a guest to pay for their portion of a meal is just bizarre, and I could never imagine doing so. She needs to run and run far from this boyfriend. Or, hopefully, this will be an eye-opener for the boyfriend and he can see just how freaking weird and rude his parents are.
My grandmother may have fed my mother tripe and onions for the first dinner, but she didn't ask her to pay. Canadian here, this is definitely not the norm. Me, my parents and grandparents all would feed anyone that came over. My grandmother fed homeless men asking for work bologna sandwiches because she had a man that found work after WW1 driving a milk delivery truck. I've taken my kid's friends on holidays even. I say RUN, these people are weird, judgemental and cheap.
I thought a Thanksgiving dinner was about families gathering together for a meal with people they invite as guests to share this special moment; I never heard of anyone being asked to chip in to pay for a meal; NO you're NTA for feeling insulted and decide to go home; why didn't your bf warn you about this before you walked in the door? His parents asking if you carried drugs was uncalled for; you don't need to be treated like a criminal nor should you have to pay for a Thanksgiving dinner; I don't blame you; I would had done the same thing you did!
Please don't be too hard on the bf. When you grow up subjugated and harassed it can take years to realise that your family isn't normal and that their conduct is unreasonable. He needs guidance and if he's open to listening to it, he might not want to repeat his parents mistakes..
There's no question that the guy's PARENTS are TA, but if you're visting them for a stay-over Thanksgiving, things must be pretty serious. A flight back home is way more money than a turkey dinner. If this isn't something you can just bite the bullet on and discuss later... I'd say maybe you BOTH dodged bullets... but I'm also wondering if the inlaws sabotaged your relationship and you let them. Topics for discussion: what other hidden charges come with this relationship? does this reflect some hostility? Should I keep a stack of nickels for the toilet, or can I just put the charges on my account....
Girl stop. How is she the bad guy in this situation? He not only defended his awful parents rude behavior, but he GASLIT her into thinking she was the problem.
Load More Replies...There's a lot in this story that we just don't know. Certainly this is an unusual scenario. For starters I'm a Canadian too and I can assure you this isn't a "Canadian thing!". When I invite people I take care of the meal and don't ask to chip in. However, perhaps in this case everyone was asked to chip in... Or they all agreed before hand that everyone would chip in. It's strange and against my values but I've seen similar situations and it is what it is. The BF could have provided more insight to prepare you for these unexpected things ...like sleeping in separate rooms. Personally, I thought that to be cute and it's not the end of the world. I do understand your position. First time visiting, etc... It can be ackward and I give you that... and your BF could have prepared you better. That said, I do think you over reacted and could have just rolled with the punches. It was a weekend trip and your life wasn't in danger. Leaving early & all that just added to the drama. IMO
Are they maybe of Dutch descent? 😜 No but seriously, I am Dutch and yes I have shared costs with friends over Christmas dinner. But this was discussed beforehand. Or sometimes we all made something. And it was when I was young and we didn't make that much money. And here in the Netherlands it is not really frowned upon. It is good to be culturally sensitive (though this goes both ways). Boyfriend should have offered to pay for her.. Not a reason to dump him me thinks
Yeah but that is different. You made an arrangement to share costs beforehand, this is a guest. I've done the share costs in the UK, either everyone is assigned something to bring, or part of the cost, but a guest never pays.
Load More Replies...I'm a senior, Canadian born and raised, I lived here my whole life. I have never, ever, heard of anyone being asked to pay for a meal unless it's a restaurant or fundraiser. Even if it's their policy to charge guests regularly, you had to buy a plane ticket to get there, wasn't that costly enough? To me, those people seem very strange and I feel you should move on.
Well, you got an early Christmas present. In the name of all that is good, take it and run! How can you ask your guest to pay for their portion of the meal? I mean, how do you calculate that? And I ask this question when I could finally take a breath after being awestruck at the rudeness of the whole affair! You did the best thing! Oh, and to ask you if you had drugs on you? That would be where I turned around and left.
I have been married to a Canadian for 25 years (and am friends with quite a few more), and have never experienced that one before. Every Canadian who has invited me into their home has practically given me the shirt off of their back and never asked for anything. These people are just f*****g weird.
Run, girl run. This is not normal. No matter where you live it's just plain rude
First of all the bf should have mentioned this before they ever left. Next, my family is from Canada and never has my grandparents or parents ever asked to pay for anything when someone visited. That's not a Canadian custom. Girl, you need to run far and fast. If that's what they do at Thanksgiving and the bf tolerates it, things will only get worse. You did right by leaving. I would have declined dinner, saying I couldn't afford it. Sounds more like a Bed and Breakfast. The only thing I would do different, is I would have left immediately even if I had to sleep in the Airport. I do not take insults lightly. The drug question, would have tipped me off.
I'm canadian and have never heard of this and it's got nothing to do with being canadian. My mom would of died even to think of charging someone to eat with us I think your well rid of this boyfriend
I grew up poor but my mom never asked anyone to pay for their food (even if it was take out etc) if a friend was staying over etc
Definitely NTA. Asking a guest to pay for their meal, and a Thanksgiving meal at that, is so rude on many levels. If my parents couldn't afford to feed their guests the menu that they had planned, and my parents loved getting my Daddy's unit together, then they'd just go with a less expensive menu, or see if some of the guests could bring something, but they would of never asked anyone to pay to eat, that would've humiliated my Daddy to no end. My great grandmother loved cooking for people, especially on the holidays, and she didn't skimp on the food either, and she wouldn't dream of asking someone to pay to eat, because like my Daddy, it would've humiliated her to no end. I asked one of the fathers at my daughter's second birthday party if he could run to the grocery store, and get me something, and I handed him the money for it, and his gas, and he told me to keep it, because it was part of my daughter's birthday gift. That's the closest I ever came to something like that.
Asian and Muslim here. There's a story about one of our prophet, his family was very poor. One night he didn't managed to sell anything and had to share one portion of food with his 3 kids. At that exact moment, a guest came, so he asked him to join dinner. He asked his kids to turn off the light, and apologize to his guest that they had to eat in darkness. They served their food to the guest, he and his kids was just pretending to eat in darkness. That's how much we value guests. OP dodged a bullet.
Actually, years ago I was invited to a friend's birthday party; her friend was hosting, and last minute I was told each guest was expected to contribute $20 in cash. These were not poor people. I was horrified and almost declined, but it was a milestone and I didn't want to be rude. This woman attended many family events and we would have been highly offended if she offered money. Dinner was meh. Some people are just low class.
I'm Canadian and I have NEVER heard of asking guests to pay for the meal that you prepared. Especially at Thanksgiving. Jeebus.
I am a Canadian & have never heard anything so absurd. This is NOT a Canadian custom nor have I ever heard of such atrocious behavior towards guests. These people are just weird & there's weird people in most countries. Please don't put all Canadians in this category. We're usually known for being a Polite people.
If you want to charge people for their food, open a f*****g restaurant. Don’t invite people over.
This is insanity. I could understand growing up with this practice and just thinking that's how things were: some families asked their guests to pay and some didnt. But surely as an adult he's been over to dinner enough where he was not asked to pay and had to have wondered/asked why that was, right? Like, |hmmmm the only families that ask us to pay are the same group of families with whom we'eve always paid and been paid....but literally no one else has.... seems weird." He NEVER questioned that, especially after all of the dinners with the GFs parents? He was never interested in asking why? Aside from the parents being weird apparently he either lackd, id too dumb, or just doesn't care to be curious about this is the deal breaker for me. "He the oil change place said I needed premium air on our headlights but they gave us a discount so it was only $1000." Why question that? DURRR
Too many red flags to mention, but to the OP: Kudos to you for getting away from this hellhole of a family within 24 hours. Now give his ring back. There's no fixing him.
NTA. His family has reached the heights of ill manners. Your boyfriend should have known and paid for you both or at least warned you. I thought Canadians were polite? Consider yourself fortunate to have dodged a bullet.
This is an example of a very dysfunctional family period…… Kudos to the girlfriend who has self esteem and self worth to notice this immediately and did not accept even for politeness sake. It is not even worth giving the boyfriend the benefit of the doubt as some have said just RUN. It’s sad the boyfriend is so clueless and feels the need to defend his family’s actions. Asking about drugs and asking for money for a holiday meal they invited you to is beyond strange. If the boyfriend had given a head up that his family has some weird viewpoints, attitudes but he does not align with them then there would be a sliver of hope of a healthy relationship growing deeper. Unfortunately his cluelessness is a sign that there are probably much deeper issues that would impact any relationship he will have with anyone and that is not worth signing on for. This is not just a minor insignificant quirk within a family to laugh off. To me its a glaring red light of dysfunction not worth taking on.
I've spent my whole life living in various parts of America and I lived and spent a lot of time in Canada growing up and I've never heard of anyone doing this anywhere ever. It's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard.
I am 51 and have lived in four countries, one of them my own where the people are pretty famous for not being good hosts. NEVER have I come across the concept of having to pay for a homecooked meal I was invited to. Bring some stuff to a barbeque, sure, potluck, too. Splitting the bill in restaurants: totally normal even though many other nations sneer at that. But asking guests to pay for a homecooked meal? Rudest thing I ever heard. I would not pay and never ever go back for food or always bring my own. However, I also would not have booked a flight back, immediately. That is too melodramtaic, for my taste. They are just misers and shitty hosts. They did not attack the op. My veto: Two miserly assholes, one dramaqueen and one man who hopefulyl explores the world to learn manners since his parents clearly didn't teach him.
I would have noped out at the drugs question. Like how is it any of their business???
If the family was struggling financially then it would be weird but ok ONLY if the son had to pay too. They parents should ask for money from them both as a couple. Also, yeah it’s weird, but you kind of threw a tantrum which I don’t support either. You kind of proved their point that you won’t pay for dinner but will pay for a last minute flight. I don’t think there was any love lost by you leaving early. If your bf didn’t step up to pay the money for you, then you’re better off without that family entirely.
I can understand the concept of everyone chipping in or bringing a plate of food for a big event, happens all the time. What is wrong is the boyfriend obviously new she would be ask to contribute and didn't give her the heads. The a'hole is him.
Now this got me thinking, so I am long term sick and on disability benefits, but I have a spacious house because I earned a fair bit before I got sick. But I can’t afford to host my family for Christmas so we usually all chip in, although some a lot less than others. And they also help cook and clean, as I physically can’t do all of that - but now it’s got me wondering if they think AITA for doing it like this?
If they’re still coming they probably don’t think yta, you’re also not setting a price and asking unexpectedly after dinner.
Load More Replies...Canadian here and you NEVER ask a house guest to pay for anything. In our house, the guest gets the best of everything.
I'm Canadian and have never seen this in my life. If the hosts would like a contribution then dinner is then called a potluck and you'd be asked to bring make a portion of the meal or something. It's definitely made clear before hand.
Is it possible to get back funds lost to the cryptocurrency scam? absolutely yes. Do you want to recover your stolen funds in BTC? You must connect with the right agency to achieve this. SPYWARE CYBER is a private investigation and funds recovery body. They specialise in cases concerning cryptocurrency, FAKE investment schemes, and recovery scams. Contact SPYWARE CYBER now to report your case via the contact information below to get started. Email: Spyware(@)cybergal.com, They are fast and Reliable.
Well, the parents got two out of three right! Asking an unfamiliar guest if she has illegal drugs is reasonable in this day and age. If she were a dealer/user and the police were to arrest her at the parents' home, it would be an ugly mess! The separate bedrooms is also the right choice; upholding proper morals. Their house, their rules (the right rules, by the way). But charging for the meal is where I feel they missed the boat.
It took me a few days to think of this response, but you could tell them next Thanksgiving, "I can't really afford such an expensive meal, so this year I decided to give of my time instead. I'll be volunteering at a soup kitchen and won't be able to attend."
I have been in a very similar situation, and let me just say, there is almost nothing worse than being stranded in a strange place, hundreds of miles from everything you're familiar with, with no way to get back, in close quarters with your partner's openly hostile family, who make you wildly uncomfortable, and your partner just silently sits there and lets it happen. I was a 19 year old girl, still timid and naive. I felt so trapped, and so miserable. I applaud this OP for getting the héll out of there. If I'd been older, more experienced, and more confident, I'd have done the same dàmn thing. I wish I had! In fact, I've fantasized about just that, many times since. I'm just extremely thankful I was at least smart enough to leave that guy, soon after that. I hope OP is, too!
New Yorker here - asking a guest to pay for a meal in your home at any time is creepy. But it's especially gross at Thanksgiving, a holiday which is the most welcoming holiday of all for Americans of any background, race, ethnicity, creed, etc . It's traditional to invite those who have no place to go and to share one's food bounty as Native Americans did our European ancestors. Not only does the bf's family miss the meaning of this beautiful holiday, they seem like folks one would never want as in-laws.
Did she stay the night after the meal deal? There will be a charge for that! lol Oh, hell no! I’m outta here!
I would have excused myself from the table, gone to my room and packed ASAP! While calling for an Uber to a hotel. I also would have tossed a $20 on the table on my way out and thanked them for their “generosity”! lol The relationship breaker. Good bye.
SHE SHOULD HAVE GIVEN THEM THE MONEY, THEN AT ABOUT 3AM WHEN THEY ARE SOUND ASLEEP, SNEAK INTO THEIR ROOM AND SMASH THEIR STPID SKULLS IN WITH A BASEBALL BAT THEN STICK EACH END OF THE BAT UP THEIR BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE!
Count your blessings because you seriously dodged a bullet. God only knows what other "weirdness" would creep up in the future. Those people are nuts.
I've been thinking about this too long but I feel like they wanted to not like her. Like they have it in their heads already that she's "tacky" (ironic I know). But...drugs in her bag - was she dressed in a way they thought "my word the audacity, she looks like she does drugs"? And the money thing - I can *almost* see petty people doing that as some kind of response to her not bringing a dish or offering to make one.
If you're going to charge your guests any kind of fee, you need to tell them prior to their arrival so they can decide if they want to participate or not. This is wild to me. These folks sound like the kind of in-laws that would steal your first born child and raise it as their own or some weird s**t.
Dump the boyfriend. If you were to marry him, you'd have THEM as in-laws. Let that sink in...
Canadian here. Never been asked to pay for a meal when invited. Usually ask whomever up front if they want me to bring something though. Usually it's a dessert, a small dish, or even just some beverages (non-alcoholic ones as I don't drink). This past thanksgiving I made a punch that was a hit! I also grew up on welfare and was homeless in my early adult life. Never once have I asked someone to PAY for their meal I INVITED them to. Heck, even when they weren't officially invited but we had enough, it was never a consideration. Definitely dodged a bullet!
I've heard of this being done but have not seen it. I dont see why people are so upset about it, other than it was a surprise. I have an uncle whose family is from Poland. (I am NOT saying it's a Polish custom). After a big holiday meal the kids are sent to go play and the adults would get out their receipts and make sure everybody contributed equally. Its not a bad idea. Some people have to make a long trip to attend, and its not really a good idea to wrap up a casserole that was in the trunk of a car for 5 hours. Or if you didn't have time to make something you can arrive empty handed, pay your share, and there'll never be people talking behind your back about not pulling your weight. That being said, the woman should have been warned. Either that or the boyfriend should have just paid her share in private so she wasn't put on the spot. Asking about the drugs, I would have waited for a chance, pulled them aside and ask "What kinda party favors you lookin for"?
Why does op cry about 30 bucks and then goes ahead and buys a even more expensive ticket? What an absolute donkey. Talk about it, give it and enjoy the meal. It's not like they ask for a fee to sleep there aswell
Nta. As nice as the boyfriend could maybe be she should ruuuun! You don't want to join that weird as heck family nope right out of that.
you should definitely ask your boyfriend retroactive payments for all the food he ate in your house.
Canadian here, and nope not normal. They are weird and extremely rude! This family does not represent our Canadian Thanksgivings. Here at the most we will have potluck style and each household invited will bring something a side dish, booze dessert, appetizer etc.. The host will cook the Turkey and maybe potatoes. Or the host will insist on hosting the whole event. Never have I ever been asked this nor have my friends or family. I agree with previous post, run! This is not your future!
"Please don't go, my family already dislikes you for not paying for dinner, and you're making it worse." The girlfriend is making it worse? So boyfriend is defending his parents, and blaming the girlfriend??? Look past the dinner, and deeper into the dynamics of the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. This is just the beginning of more problems with HIM. He has no clue about what normal behaviors and normal relationships are. He has shown that (1) his loyalties are with his family, (2) he will make excuses for them, and (3) he will not defend her.
I'd like to know how things went when the (ex, hopefully) bf friend got back to wherever they are from. I hope they weren't living together at least. I can't see how she would want to stay with him. Even if he's the greatest bf ever, minus not warning her about his parents, his parents are definitely a deal breaker in the relationship being long term. She spent money and travel time on this trip to meet the parents on a holiday. They might have been about to get pretty serious. Hopefully that's not the case.
These people are in NO WAY CANADIAN. I have zero idea where they are from but that is simply not done. They are completely strange by Canadian standards. Good on you for leaving.
As a duel citizen of Canada and us I've never seen this before. I agree with the others this may be a sign of a toxic relationship or environment and you may want to end it before you feel like your stuck there or get stuck there .NTA
In hindsight I have a partially Canadian family and am a duel citizen ( that means I can technically be a us and or Canadian citizen) I've personally never heard of this but this I the warning sign of a toxic dynamic and relationship move on while you still can or make your bf see that the idea happening her is toxic . NTA good luck stay safe with this.
As a person who grew up poor & still had friends & boyfriends come eat..... we would NEVER do this! My parents would have been so embarrassed had I told my guest to pay! I also grew up with a lot of people who were like my family & didn't have money. Never were we asked to pay. Honestly, the only time that has happened is from one of my friends who was wealthy. Their mom (who drove a Range Rover & a "seasonal" sports car meaning she had a new sports car every season & always had the newest of whatever car she drove) would try to make us kids pay her for gas whenever she drove us. . He was so embarrassed by it. So he would give us money to give to her. So basically she was being paid with her own money. He literally asked her to stop doing this all the time & she would go on rants about how "nothing in life is free." the thing that made them rich? Selling million dollar condos they bought for dirt cheap after pushing out locals & gentrifying they area. Yup.
The boyfriend definitely should have previewed his family with her. This situation actually sounds like my in-laws. My first visit them after we were married, my MIL walked into our bedroom, without knocking, early one morning while we were in bed! I agree with one comment - be thankful. This was a golden opportunity to see what her future life might have been like.
When invited to something, one should know before hand if there is going to be a cost. To be at the event and being told you have to pay $30 for a meal you are being handed is unacceptable behavior. I would not have eaten a bite. That’s insane.
Why did the BF not give her a heads up? All family's have their quirks (don't talk about this, my mum likes to add weird stuff to her recipes, make sure to not step on that floorboard because it creaks etc). Even if he didn't think it was a quirk, you still lay this stuff out especially when meeting the family on a pretty important (significant to the US) occasion right? Side note, the above is me being empathetic and aware of other peoples decisions and idiosyncrasies, but also gurl, run! The fact you're asking strangers for advice on the internet, you already know what you want to do. Wait for the right person, this ain't that....
Fake. Even if it's not fake article is talking like is Canadian to ask for money for Thanksgiving meals. The writer is obviously an idiot with no insight or integrity. Poor job well done.
Canadians are notoriously cheap. Many travel to Florida for the winter...and they're known for not leaving tips at restaurants. I hate them.
Perhaps this tradition is such a norm for his family that it didnt occur to them how weird it is to strangers. But BF here is really iffy, what's with that double standard - if its normal for him to pay for his meal, how does he have the cheek to keep eating 'for free'?
NTA, they shouldn't have asked about drugs, they shouldn't have asked for $$ and they should have allowed you to sleep in one room or 2, whichever you wanted.
This is the same s**t my moms sister and her husband would and have pulled. The exact same s**t. Except it was Christmas. And they were both assholes too. I cut them both out of my life years ago. They destroyed their kids lives and tried to destroy everyone elses life too. This girl needs to run far and fast and never look back because that guy is going to be seriously messed up in the head.
How bizarre! I'm just wondering, did he have to pay for his plate too or does the little prince get to eat for free? Smh. It maybe tradition in his weird family to charge gourmet prices for home cooked meals but he's been to other people's family gatherings enough to know that it's not normal and should've given his gf the heads up. What a piece of work!
I'd pay for the complete meal for everybody and, when I give them the check I'd tell them this is the last time I'd have a meal with them, after that I wish them a happy Thanksgiving and go home.
This is breaking SO many Canadian stereotypes right now that I have to wonder if the OP is taking the p**s. But yeah totally NTA. If any of this is true, then RUN and run fast! Don't look back. The fact that you're BF didn't at least give you a heads up before you met them means that he thinks their behavior is perfectly acceptable and will continue to allow them to treat you like a second class citizen. Dump that dude and his crazy a*s family RIGHT NOW!
Her reaction is weird though, leaving the next day, fuming, feeling angry? People have different quirks and it's their home. What if they have medical issues and are struggling to come up with a way to host and celebrate? If I was told to pay, I would just for the spirit of fun. Why not? Their home. Get into the holiday spirit of helping and giving even when it doesn't suit you. She could have declined and still stayed. Running to social media asking for validation is annoying.
Definitely weird, but so is buying an expensive last minute plane ticket home over thirty bucks. If it had been me, I would have paid, stayed through the weekend, and then had a long talk about it when I got home and not go back unless circumstances change. Just because the parents are weirdos doesn’t necessarily mean the boyfriend is.
Impopulair opinion: for the sake of my husband you deal with s**t from his family. Having idiots for parents is not his fault. If the boyfriend is worth it, deal with it and talk to your bf afterwards and have a good laugh about it.
European here. I thought Thanksgiving was meant to celebrate that the Pilgrims (or whoever) had such a bountiful harvest that they shared it with their neighbours, friends, even the Indegenous people. So apart from asking a guest for money, THIS should be the one holiday where it is TOTALLY inappropriate. Or am I wrong ??
It's been a tradition for a long time and the emphasis is more on getting together with family and friends and being thankful for being together and being in each other's lives. Asking for money is very strange. Either the bf didn't understand it's strange or was too clueless to explain it in advance or slip his parents the cover charge so they didn't embarrass his girlfriend.
Load More Replies...This is just weird. The BF likely didn't know any better if he grew up with these people. My guess is that somehow this family managed to accumulate some friends. Stranger things have happened and keep happening. In their circle of friends, they have potluck BBQ and each guest pays for their portion. Weird, but if everyone agrees I am fine with it. Extending this "tradition" to out-of-town guests, let alone your possible DIL, is weird AF. My wife is Canadian, BTW. I spent many holidays as a guest of her family and no one inquired about the kilos of smack I usually carry with me on international flights and I was never presented with a bill for dinner.
When I have people over, I provide the meal. If I have not had people around for a while, and I don't have time or cash, I'll just do something simple. Some Christmas holidays, we would all bring two courses and have a ten course banquet, everyone contributes, everyone gets to show off a bit. And no one person is left with the full work and hassle of doing too much.
Load More Replies...What were they serving that was so costly, anyway? I'm sure I could do a Thanksgiving dinner for less than $30/head.
Absolutely! I've been asking myself this same question... It almost seems like to me that she's being asked to pay half of the total cost of the Thanksgiving bill...I find this so crazy. His mother escorting OP out of her boyfriend's room while they were talking also...that's insane that he said and did nothing. Her boyfriend is a sad sorry excuse for a man and a partner to sit idly by, he's truly a joke. She did the only thing she could at that point to save herself from the horrifying behavior towards her and so glad she did. She surly saved herself from further nasty behavior that would have happened had she stayed. She must have felt like she was in a freaking nightmare until she got home. Poor girl, I hope she finds someone who treats her the way she deserves to be treated.
Load More Replies...Asking a guest in your home to pay for their portion of a meal is rude. Asking them to pay for a holiday meal is worse.
Especially if they have paid to travel, it would be nice to have something as a gift to the host or wine or dessert or whatever, but I wouldn't necessarily expect that of my kid and his friends either.
Load More Replies...i would have also "noped" out of that place.. but i would have payed a fee for the room and the service too ... everything written down meticulously like : 10$ for water 15$ for the bedsheets being clean, 3$ for heating and electricity costs, 0.5$ for the warm welcome.... just to show them how ridiculous it was.
Your level of pettiness is awe inspiring. My compliments.
Load More Replies...I live on government disability benefits, it's enough to live on but obviously not extravagant. I have never once asked a guest to pay for their portion of a meal. I have even temporarily housed friends of my daughter when they fell out with their parents and I didn't ask them to contribute to costs. If anyone has said they would like to help I suggest an extra dessert or some drinks but insist it isn't necessary. To he honest, I wouldn't stay with the boyfriend in this scenario, it doesn't sound like they will have a happy relationship with their in-laws and the fact that the boyfriend defended his mother rather than his girlfriend is not a good omen for the future. If it was that normal to him he would have offered a contribution everytime he ate with his girlfriend's parents and it doesn't sound like he did.
Another Canadian - just buying the turkey this Thanksgiving cost me $50 - but I sure never asked anyone of my guests to pay for a portion of it! These people are weird and don't understand the concept of "Thanksgiving". Yeesh.
Load More Replies...I really like the part about “my parents don’t like you anyway.” Thanks Mr. Obvious. Lol.
Where the heck does anyone on this planet ask a guest to pay for a meal at your home when you invited them? Anybody know the answer? I've never heard of this in my life.
We have a big family 60 when we all get together. In advance we ask about choices and the vote that wins is a catered meal . We give a menu and a head count with tip and let everyone know. We do 2 menus and picking a winning menu and if someone has a special diet they can opt out so then the headcount and cost are divided. So no dishes to wash and no take home because it is per person and paid in advance with PayPal with your number of guest including children. Special diets can opt in and eat what they want at the same price or they can bring their own at their cost. Drinks non alcoholic are provided tea unsw/sweet, water, lemonade. It works out to be about 10.00 a person plus tip. We double the tax and split it up as the tip. We pick up. No delivery. Works great.
Load More Replies...I don't know if this post is real or fake but it just makes me sad. Holidays should be about family getting together. If they can't afford it, don't host! Or potluck it! I'd rather eat a bowl of 50 cent ramen with family than pay for a meal that I thought I was a guest of. Why not just go out and eat if they only want to pay for their portion?
Please don't make it a Canadian thing because it's not. It's the boyfriend family culture thing. I've been invited to several Canadian homes for dinner and have had only glowing experiences. And even suggesting I bring something was immediately met with no no no not necessary at all. Many people have weird subculture within a bigger culture as in your ex future in laws....I hope he's an ex now.... and or even within families. One brother may allow smoking after dinner in the home, another brother may have a NO SMOKING sign up. Your boyfriends family was disrespectful, inconsiderate and plain rude and that right there was THEIR family's culture. You need to cut this guy loose and find yourself a REAL Canadian.
Canadian here. There is no way in hell that anyone I know would charge a guest for their food. It's my home - not a restaurant. This loony guy was raised by loony parents and he (and they) should be avoided like the plague. Return this guy and find yourself another lad my girl. This one's broken.
This is utter buullsshhiitt. I'm a Canadian with a lot of Americans added into the clan. I'm 60 and have lived in Mexico, the US, and Canada for most of those years. Over 60 thanksgiving (sometimes you have to double up, family issues) and thousands of interactions with others in reference to holidays, and there is NOT ONE instance of this happening. For the 'BF' to be an adult, he would have to have at least ONE friend who lives a normal life and doesn't do this. So, his family is aberrant in some way and he's covering for it. Maybe they just wanted to break the young couple up. Some sort of bizarre test.
Canadian here, no that's weird.... I've never asked that, nor do I expect people to bring food. I also don't ask my guests about drugs 😂
$30 for such a reliable early warning is a bargain. "When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou
The only time you pay for a meal is if you are in a restaurant. I am guessing that this guy's parents don't live in a restaurant, therefore their request is ridiculous. I am surprised that they have friends as well. I would never even think to ask a guest in my home to pay for their portion of the meal. The fact that he sees this as completely normal makes it even worse. She didn't dodge a bullet, she dodged a bomb.
Canadian here, this is astounding!! I've never heard of charging someone to come for dinner without at least telling them first! The drugs question is weird but maybe their son has had a thing for drug users in the past? Idk. And the moving you to a seperate bedroom is also weird. I had a boyfriend who moved in with my parents (when I still lived with them also '05ish) when I was younger, and there was never a question of "where will he sleep" as it was expected we would be sharing my room. Wild! And SOOO NTA!!
I'm not clear whether the boyfriend thought this behaviour (asking for money from dinner guests) was normal and hadn't warned her as result, but even if he thought it was normal why he didn't over to cover the charge? Though actually, I wonder if despite the bill she might have stayed the rest of the weekend were it not for what happened next - was the final straw the discussion being interrupted and OP finding herself being escorted from her boyfriend's room to the guest room by the boyfriend's mother as if she were a prison warden? Was the mother patrolling concerned for her son's virtue, or was she just concerned that OP might actually educate her boyfriend that his parents' behaviour was rude and inappropriate.
I can understand that the parents don’t want drugs brought into their home, but the boyfriend should have warned OP that they would ask (in addition to warning her that she would be asked to pay for dinner). She and the boyfriend should sit down and have a LONG talk about cultural differences; then she can decide if she wants to continue the relationship.
This isn't cultural. His folks are just weird. And so is he.
Load More Replies...Omg weirdos, there might of being another few hidden charges by the time you left 🤯
200 Canadian dollar please for using the guest room. And a 50 fee for cleaning the bed for you. Oh you had water from a bottle. That's 8 dollar. LOL my aunt once threw a family party and they hired this huge place and paid everything and then she sat next to the toilets to ask for 25 cent. She was always so hilarious. https://youtu.be/gJPOOUReEH8
Load More Replies...I am working class poor. I would never dream of charging the people I've invited over for their meal. That is despicable. If you can't cover the costs of the meal, you don't throw the party. If everyone is a bit strapped you agree to a potluck. I don't even want to touch on the whole "Do you have drugs?" or being "escorted" to a separate room. Just rude and disgusting. The least this BF could've done is warn her and pay his ridiculous parents. Skinflint is a bad look on anyone...
I'm Canadian and this is not a thing! I've been both a guest and host in many family dinner situations and have never been asked to pay a cent. For larger celebrations, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's etc., it is common practice here to bring something to the table or for the host, even when we're told not to! If something for the meal, food, dessert or drink, like a bottle of wine. We do this to show appreciation for being hosted and because we are not asshats raised by uncultured or ill mannered people. This is beyond rude, it's crass and so devoid of class, I'm embarrassed to be Canadian after reading it!
If you're expected to pay restaurant prices, I hope you get to send imperfect servings back to the kitchen.. and receive a doggy bag with your % of any leftovers. Hospitality is not expecting people to feel privileged to be in your company but make them so comfortable and welcome that hopefully they leave feeling that way.
I'm curious how old these two are. If the BF has lived away from his parents for even a year he should have learned how unusual their behavior is. There was one family we were friends with when I was growing up. They would host potlucks all the time and they would ask that people either bring a dish, or pay $5-10 so they could get/make something else. It was a little odd, but makes way more sense than this.
Creepy. And NTA, I think you might want to reconsider your relationship.
Canadian here. An that's not a Canadian custom. It's simple capitalism, the rich/ well off use an abuse the masses for their personal gain.
F*cking Thenardiers, the boyfriend's parents are. They should never have asked for payment, and if the boyfriend wanted them to meet her knowing they would, he should have offered to cover the fee. Additionally, even if you go to a restaurant, they tell you the price of what you are eating before you eat it, so if the parents were expecting reimbursement, there is no context in which it is acceptable for them to have spring that on you after you finished eating.
My first thought was: "You dodged a bullet there." I may be european and not familiar with thanksgiving, I only know it from movies basically and that's that - but I still find it very weird to ask people who I invite to celebrate this event with, to pay for their portion. WTF.
I have an international circle of friends who have their own international circle of friends. I myself didn't have this situation but one of my friends were asked to pay while visiting somebody for a dinner. And everybody were treating it as a normal thing. My friend was in absolute shock, since herself she's a Greek and in Greece it's absolute outrage to ask anything from your guest. If I understood correctly, this custom is present in some parts of the world, mostly northern parts. However, a family charging a family member for a dinner?
This is not a Canadian thing. If anything it is the opposite. Ask ifbi can bring anything and told definately not.
Load More Replies...I used to have to pack a lunch if i wanted to hang out at my high school boyfriends house for the day because it was once determined i would otherwise "eat them out of house and home" after one time my boyfriend made me a sandwich that consisted of 2 slices of wonder bread and a single slice of ham.
If they had gone out to a restaurant, I could understand asking OP to pay for their own meal. I just learned the other day that a family member of my husband attempted to pull this same trick at Thanksgiving one year, and it resulted in everyone just leaving. This is never considered "normal", and it is very rude. The part that gets me is that there was no warning, and then OP gets told that their partner's parents already don't like them for refusing to pay? This person will be single forever if they keep condoning their parents' weird dinner policy. Bravo, OP!
Well.... Those people are nuts and the BF is clearly a douche. I'd end that relationship as quickly as possible. Because a future with those people would only get worse from this point on.
They did not pay for her airfare there, nor her return flight. Why dod they think she owes them? Plus, this is not how hosts or generosity (which is what an invite is) works, anywhere.
For $30.00 I would expect something other than turkey. Like a standing rib roast and my own bone to nibble/gnaw on.
I live in the US, but have spent a lot of time working in various parts of Canada. On numerous occasions people who I've just met, sometimes in my work, sometimes just casually. I've been invited to meals, to stay overnight, to enjoy a drink, etc. One time, when I was stranded due to very awful weather, a couple I had just met insisted I spent Christmas with them! It was a wonderful day, full of fun and great food. No matter the setting, no matter how poor or how wealthy the folks, I have never been asked to pay for a meal or anything else. I mean who does that? It is tacky beyond belief. The only upside of this experience is now you know what being married to this guy would be like. Me, I'd run away so fast his head would spin. Not warning you and then not defending you tells me all I would need to know in order to say "bye-bye."
This is also NOT an American custom. Celebrating holidays is getting together with family and friends. No one has ever stopped any of my family at the door and asked for a fee to chip in. Now when we had Family dinners, holiday celebrations all of the friends and family made it potluck. My parents supplied the turkey, ham or whatever meat was served as well as the dressing, potatoes etc. the rest of the family supplied all the side dishes. Never was any money exchanged. Everyone volunteered to bring their dish to share with everyone. Our get togethers were great. I miss it all. I am the last sibling, and my 2 children live far away, so there is no longer get togethers. Good memories though.
yeah, they are the a*****e not you and I'm pretty sure this relationship is over if you can't get along with his parents and you would not be in the wrong either
I think the bf asked his family to help him dump his gf so they came up with this shenanigans
I just wanna mKe it very clear....this is not a Canadian thing......this is an AH thing lol
Canadian here, and I have NEVER heard of anyone asking for a guest to pay for their portion of a meal. It's just the boyfriend's family that's super weird and rude. For sure not a 'Canadian' thing. Thanksgiving is all about GIVING THANKS for what you have; home, family, food, etc. Asking a guest to pay for their portion of a meal is just bizarre, and I could never imagine doing so. She needs to run and run far from this boyfriend. Or, hopefully, this will be an eye-opener for the boyfriend and he can see just how freaking weird and rude his parents are.
My grandmother may have fed my mother tripe and onions for the first dinner, but she didn't ask her to pay. Canadian here, this is definitely not the norm. Me, my parents and grandparents all would feed anyone that came over. My grandmother fed homeless men asking for work bologna sandwiches because she had a man that found work after WW1 driving a milk delivery truck. I've taken my kid's friends on holidays even. I say RUN, these people are weird, judgemental and cheap.
I thought a Thanksgiving dinner was about families gathering together for a meal with people they invite as guests to share this special moment; I never heard of anyone being asked to chip in to pay for a meal; NO you're NTA for feeling insulted and decide to go home; why didn't your bf warn you about this before you walked in the door? His parents asking if you carried drugs was uncalled for; you don't need to be treated like a criminal nor should you have to pay for a Thanksgiving dinner; I don't blame you; I would had done the same thing you did!
Please don't be too hard on the bf. When you grow up subjugated and harassed it can take years to realise that your family isn't normal and that their conduct is unreasonable. He needs guidance and if he's open to listening to it, he might not want to repeat his parents mistakes..
There's no question that the guy's PARENTS are TA, but if you're visting them for a stay-over Thanksgiving, things must be pretty serious. A flight back home is way more money than a turkey dinner. If this isn't something you can just bite the bullet on and discuss later... I'd say maybe you BOTH dodged bullets... but I'm also wondering if the inlaws sabotaged your relationship and you let them. Topics for discussion: what other hidden charges come with this relationship? does this reflect some hostility? Should I keep a stack of nickels for the toilet, or can I just put the charges on my account....
Girl stop. How is she the bad guy in this situation? He not only defended his awful parents rude behavior, but he GASLIT her into thinking she was the problem.
Load More Replies...There's a lot in this story that we just don't know. Certainly this is an unusual scenario. For starters I'm a Canadian too and I can assure you this isn't a "Canadian thing!". When I invite people I take care of the meal and don't ask to chip in. However, perhaps in this case everyone was asked to chip in... Or they all agreed before hand that everyone would chip in. It's strange and against my values but I've seen similar situations and it is what it is. The BF could have provided more insight to prepare you for these unexpected things ...like sleeping in separate rooms. Personally, I thought that to be cute and it's not the end of the world. I do understand your position. First time visiting, etc... It can be ackward and I give you that... and your BF could have prepared you better. That said, I do think you over reacted and could have just rolled with the punches. It was a weekend trip and your life wasn't in danger. Leaving early & all that just added to the drama. IMO
Are they maybe of Dutch descent? 😜 No but seriously, I am Dutch and yes I have shared costs with friends over Christmas dinner. But this was discussed beforehand. Or sometimes we all made something. And it was when I was young and we didn't make that much money. And here in the Netherlands it is not really frowned upon. It is good to be culturally sensitive (though this goes both ways). Boyfriend should have offered to pay for her.. Not a reason to dump him me thinks
Yeah but that is different. You made an arrangement to share costs beforehand, this is a guest. I've done the share costs in the UK, either everyone is assigned something to bring, or part of the cost, but a guest never pays.
Load More Replies...I'm a senior, Canadian born and raised, I lived here my whole life. I have never, ever, heard of anyone being asked to pay for a meal unless it's a restaurant or fundraiser. Even if it's their policy to charge guests regularly, you had to buy a plane ticket to get there, wasn't that costly enough? To me, those people seem very strange and I feel you should move on.
Well, you got an early Christmas present. In the name of all that is good, take it and run! How can you ask your guest to pay for their portion of the meal? I mean, how do you calculate that? And I ask this question when I could finally take a breath after being awestruck at the rudeness of the whole affair! You did the best thing! Oh, and to ask you if you had drugs on you? That would be where I turned around and left.
I have been married to a Canadian for 25 years (and am friends with quite a few more), and have never experienced that one before. Every Canadian who has invited me into their home has practically given me the shirt off of their back and never asked for anything. These people are just f*****g weird.
Run, girl run. This is not normal. No matter where you live it's just plain rude
First of all the bf should have mentioned this before they ever left. Next, my family is from Canada and never has my grandparents or parents ever asked to pay for anything when someone visited. That's not a Canadian custom. Girl, you need to run far and fast. If that's what they do at Thanksgiving and the bf tolerates it, things will only get worse. You did right by leaving. I would have declined dinner, saying I couldn't afford it. Sounds more like a Bed and Breakfast. The only thing I would do different, is I would have left immediately even if I had to sleep in the Airport. I do not take insults lightly. The drug question, would have tipped me off.
I'm canadian and have never heard of this and it's got nothing to do with being canadian. My mom would of died even to think of charging someone to eat with us I think your well rid of this boyfriend
I grew up poor but my mom never asked anyone to pay for their food (even if it was take out etc) if a friend was staying over etc
Definitely NTA. Asking a guest to pay for their meal, and a Thanksgiving meal at that, is so rude on many levels. If my parents couldn't afford to feed their guests the menu that they had planned, and my parents loved getting my Daddy's unit together, then they'd just go with a less expensive menu, or see if some of the guests could bring something, but they would of never asked anyone to pay to eat, that would've humiliated my Daddy to no end. My great grandmother loved cooking for people, especially on the holidays, and she didn't skimp on the food either, and she wouldn't dream of asking someone to pay to eat, because like my Daddy, it would've humiliated her to no end. I asked one of the fathers at my daughter's second birthday party if he could run to the grocery store, and get me something, and I handed him the money for it, and his gas, and he told me to keep it, because it was part of my daughter's birthday gift. That's the closest I ever came to something like that.
Asian and Muslim here. There's a story about one of our prophet, his family was very poor. One night he didn't managed to sell anything and had to share one portion of food with his 3 kids. At that exact moment, a guest came, so he asked him to join dinner. He asked his kids to turn off the light, and apologize to his guest that they had to eat in darkness. They served their food to the guest, he and his kids was just pretending to eat in darkness. That's how much we value guests. OP dodged a bullet.
Actually, years ago I was invited to a friend's birthday party; her friend was hosting, and last minute I was told each guest was expected to contribute $20 in cash. These were not poor people. I was horrified and almost declined, but it was a milestone and I didn't want to be rude. This woman attended many family events and we would have been highly offended if she offered money. Dinner was meh. Some people are just low class.
I'm Canadian and I have NEVER heard of asking guests to pay for the meal that you prepared. Especially at Thanksgiving. Jeebus.
I am a Canadian & have never heard anything so absurd. This is NOT a Canadian custom nor have I ever heard of such atrocious behavior towards guests. These people are just weird & there's weird people in most countries. Please don't put all Canadians in this category. We're usually known for being a Polite people.
If you want to charge people for their food, open a f*****g restaurant. Don’t invite people over.
This is insanity. I could understand growing up with this practice and just thinking that's how things were: some families asked their guests to pay and some didnt. But surely as an adult he's been over to dinner enough where he was not asked to pay and had to have wondered/asked why that was, right? Like, |hmmmm the only families that ask us to pay are the same group of families with whom we'eve always paid and been paid....but literally no one else has.... seems weird." He NEVER questioned that, especially after all of the dinners with the GFs parents? He was never interested in asking why? Aside from the parents being weird apparently he either lackd, id too dumb, or just doesn't care to be curious about this is the deal breaker for me. "He the oil change place said I needed premium air on our headlights but they gave us a discount so it was only $1000." Why question that? DURRR
Too many red flags to mention, but to the OP: Kudos to you for getting away from this hellhole of a family within 24 hours. Now give his ring back. There's no fixing him.
NTA. His family has reached the heights of ill manners. Your boyfriend should have known and paid for you both or at least warned you. I thought Canadians were polite? Consider yourself fortunate to have dodged a bullet.
This is an example of a very dysfunctional family period…… Kudos to the girlfriend who has self esteem and self worth to notice this immediately and did not accept even for politeness sake. It is not even worth giving the boyfriend the benefit of the doubt as some have said just RUN. It’s sad the boyfriend is so clueless and feels the need to defend his family’s actions. Asking about drugs and asking for money for a holiday meal they invited you to is beyond strange. If the boyfriend had given a head up that his family has some weird viewpoints, attitudes but he does not align with them then there would be a sliver of hope of a healthy relationship growing deeper. Unfortunately his cluelessness is a sign that there are probably much deeper issues that would impact any relationship he will have with anyone and that is not worth signing on for. This is not just a minor insignificant quirk within a family to laugh off. To me its a glaring red light of dysfunction not worth taking on.
I've spent my whole life living in various parts of America and I lived and spent a lot of time in Canada growing up and I've never heard of anyone doing this anywhere ever. It's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard.
I am 51 and have lived in four countries, one of them my own where the people are pretty famous for not being good hosts. NEVER have I come across the concept of having to pay for a homecooked meal I was invited to. Bring some stuff to a barbeque, sure, potluck, too. Splitting the bill in restaurants: totally normal even though many other nations sneer at that. But asking guests to pay for a homecooked meal? Rudest thing I ever heard. I would not pay and never ever go back for food or always bring my own. However, I also would not have booked a flight back, immediately. That is too melodramtaic, for my taste. They are just misers and shitty hosts. They did not attack the op. My veto: Two miserly assholes, one dramaqueen and one man who hopefulyl explores the world to learn manners since his parents clearly didn't teach him.
I would have noped out at the drugs question. Like how is it any of their business???
If the family was struggling financially then it would be weird but ok ONLY if the son had to pay too. They parents should ask for money from them both as a couple. Also, yeah it’s weird, but you kind of threw a tantrum which I don’t support either. You kind of proved their point that you won’t pay for dinner but will pay for a last minute flight. I don’t think there was any love lost by you leaving early. If your bf didn’t step up to pay the money for you, then you’re better off without that family entirely.
I can understand the concept of everyone chipping in or bringing a plate of food for a big event, happens all the time. What is wrong is the boyfriend obviously new she would be ask to contribute and didn't give her the heads. The a'hole is him.
Now this got me thinking, so I am long term sick and on disability benefits, but I have a spacious house because I earned a fair bit before I got sick. But I can’t afford to host my family for Christmas so we usually all chip in, although some a lot less than others. And they also help cook and clean, as I physically can’t do all of that - but now it’s got me wondering if they think AITA for doing it like this?
If they’re still coming they probably don’t think yta, you’re also not setting a price and asking unexpectedly after dinner.
Load More Replies...Canadian here and you NEVER ask a house guest to pay for anything. In our house, the guest gets the best of everything.
I'm Canadian and have never seen this in my life. If the hosts would like a contribution then dinner is then called a potluck and you'd be asked to bring make a portion of the meal or something. It's definitely made clear before hand.
Is it possible to get back funds lost to the cryptocurrency scam? absolutely yes. Do you want to recover your stolen funds in BTC? You must connect with the right agency to achieve this. SPYWARE CYBER is a private investigation and funds recovery body. They specialise in cases concerning cryptocurrency, FAKE investment schemes, and recovery scams. Contact SPYWARE CYBER now to report your case via the contact information below to get started. Email: Spyware(@)cybergal.com, They are fast and Reliable.
Well, the parents got two out of three right! Asking an unfamiliar guest if she has illegal drugs is reasonable in this day and age. If she were a dealer/user and the police were to arrest her at the parents' home, it would be an ugly mess! The separate bedrooms is also the right choice; upholding proper morals. Their house, their rules (the right rules, by the way). But charging for the meal is where I feel they missed the boat.
It took me a few days to think of this response, but you could tell them next Thanksgiving, "I can't really afford such an expensive meal, so this year I decided to give of my time instead. I'll be volunteering at a soup kitchen and won't be able to attend."
I have been in a very similar situation, and let me just say, there is almost nothing worse than being stranded in a strange place, hundreds of miles from everything you're familiar with, with no way to get back, in close quarters with your partner's openly hostile family, who make you wildly uncomfortable, and your partner just silently sits there and lets it happen. I was a 19 year old girl, still timid and naive. I felt so trapped, and so miserable. I applaud this OP for getting the héll out of there. If I'd been older, more experienced, and more confident, I'd have done the same dàmn thing. I wish I had! In fact, I've fantasized about just that, many times since. I'm just extremely thankful I was at least smart enough to leave that guy, soon after that. I hope OP is, too!
New Yorker here - asking a guest to pay for a meal in your home at any time is creepy. But it's especially gross at Thanksgiving, a holiday which is the most welcoming holiday of all for Americans of any background, race, ethnicity, creed, etc . It's traditional to invite those who have no place to go and to share one's food bounty as Native Americans did our European ancestors. Not only does the bf's family miss the meaning of this beautiful holiday, they seem like folks one would never want as in-laws.
Did she stay the night after the meal deal? There will be a charge for that! lol Oh, hell no! I’m outta here!
I would have excused myself from the table, gone to my room and packed ASAP! While calling for an Uber to a hotel. I also would have tossed a $20 on the table on my way out and thanked them for their “generosity”! lol The relationship breaker. Good bye.
SHE SHOULD HAVE GIVEN THEM THE MONEY, THEN AT ABOUT 3AM WHEN THEY ARE SOUND ASLEEP, SNEAK INTO THEIR ROOM AND SMASH THEIR STPID SKULLS IN WITH A BASEBALL BAT THEN STICK EACH END OF THE BAT UP THEIR BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE! BUT THOLE!
Count your blessings because you seriously dodged a bullet. God only knows what other "weirdness" would creep up in the future. Those people are nuts.
I've been thinking about this too long but I feel like they wanted to not like her. Like they have it in their heads already that she's "tacky" (ironic I know). But...drugs in her bag - was she dressed in a way they thought "my word the audacity, she looks like she does drugs"? And the money thing - I can *almost* see petty people doing that as some kind of response to her not bringing a dish or offering to make one.
If you're going to charge your guests any kind of fee, you need to tell them prior to their arrival so they can decide if they want to participate or not. This is wild to me. These folks sound like the kind of in-laws that would steal your first born child and raise it as their own or some weird s**t.
Dump the boyfriend. If you were to marry him, you'd have THEM as in-laws. Let that sink in...
Canadian here. Never been asked to pay for a meal when invited. Usually ask whomever up front if they want me to bring something though. Usually it's a dessert, a small dish, or even just some beverages (non-alcoholic ones as I don't drink). This past thanksgiving I made a punch that was a hit! I also grew up on welfare and was homeless in my early adult life. Never once have I asked someone to PAY for their meal I INVITED them to. Heck, even when they weren't officially invited but we had enough, it was never a consideration. Definitely dodged a bullet!
I've heard of this being done but have not seen it. I dont see why people are so upset about it, other than it was a surprise. I have an uncle whose family is from Poland. (I am NOT saying it's a Polish custom). After a big holiday meal the kids are sent to go play and the adults would get out their receipts and make sure everybody contributed equally. Its not a bad idea. Some people have to make a long trip to attend, and its not really a good idea to wrap up a casserole that was in the trunk of a car for 5 hours. Or if you didn't have time to make something you can arrive empty handed, pay your share, and there'll never be people talking behind your back about not pulling your weight. That being said, the woman should have been warned. Either that or the boyfriend should have just paid her share in private so she wasn't put on the spot. Asking about the drugs, I would have waited for a chance, pulled them aside and ask "What kinda party favors you lookin for"?
Why does op cry about 30 bucks and then goes ahead and buys a even more expensive ticket? What an absolute donkey. Talk about it, give it and enjoy the meal. It's not like they ask for a fee to sleep there aswell
Nta. As nice as the boyfriend could maybe be she should ruuuun! You don't want to join that weird as heck family nope right out of that.
you should definitely ask your boyfriend retroactive payments for all the food he ate in your house.
Canadian here, and nope not normal. They are weird and extremely rude! This family does not represent our Canadian Thanksgivings. Here at the most we will have potluck style and each household invited will bring something a side dish, booze dessert, appetizer etc.. The host will cook the Turkey and maybe potatoes. Or the host will insist on hosting the whole event. Never have I ever been asked this nor have my friends or family. I agree with previous post, run! This is not your future!
"Please don't go, my family already dislikes you for not paying for dinner, and you're making it worse." The girlfriend is making it worse? So boyfriend is defending his parents, and blaming the girlfriend??? Look past the dinner, and deeper into the dynamics of the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. This is just the beginning of more problems with HIM. He has no clue about what normal behaviors and normal relationships are. He has shown that (1) his loyalties are with his family, (2) he will make excuses for them, and (3) he will not defend her.
I'd like to know how things went when the (ex, hopefully) bf friend got back to wherever they are from. I hope they weren't living together at least. I can't see how she would want to stay with him. Even if he's the greatest bf ever, minus not warning her about his parents, his parents are definitely a deal breaker in the relationship being long term. She spent money and travel time on this trip to meet the parents on a holiday. They might have been about to get pretty serious. Hopefully that's not the case.
These people are in NO WAY CANADIAN. I have zero idea where they are from but that is simply not done. They are completely strange by Canadian standards. Good on you for leaving.
As a duel citizen of Canada and us I've never seen this before. I agree with the others this may be a sign of a toxic relationship or environment and you may want to end it before you feel like your stuck there or get stuck there .NTA
In hindsight I have a partially Canadian family and am a duel citizen ( that means I can technically be a us and or Canadian citizen) I've personally never heard of this but this I the warning sign of a toxic dynamic and relationship move on while you still can or make your bf see that the idea happening her is toxic . NTA good luck stay safe with this.
As a person who grew up poor & still had friends & boyfriends come eat..... we would NEVER do this! My parents would have been so embarrassed had I told my guest to pay! I also grew up with a lot of people who were like my family & didn't have money. Never were we asked to pay. Honestly, the only time that has happened is from one of my friends who was wealthy. Their mom (who drove a Range Rover & a "seasonal" sports car meaning she had a new sports car every season & always had the newest of whatever car she drove) would try to make us kids pay her for gas whenever she drove us. . He was so embarrassed by it. So he would give us money to give to her. So basically she was being paid with her own money. He literally asked her to stop doing this all the time & she would go on rants about how "nothing in life is free." the thing that made them rich? Selling million dollar condos they bought for dirt cheap after pushing out locals & gentrifying they area. Yup.
The boyfriend definitely should have previewed his family with her. This situation actually sounds like my in-laws. My first visit them after we were married, my MIL walked into our bedroom, without knocking, early one morning while we were in bed! I agree with one comment - be thankful. This was a golden opportunity to see what her future life might have been like.
When invited to something, one should know before hand if there is going to be a cost. To be at the event and being told you have to pay $30 for a meal you are being handed is unacceptable behavior. I would not have eaten a bite. That’s insane.
Why did the BF not give her a heads up? All family's have their quirks (don't talk about this, my mum likes to add weird stuff to her recipes, make sure to not step on that floorboard because it creaks etc). Even if he didn't think it was a quirk, you still lay this stuff out especially when meeting the family on a pretty important (significant to the US) occasion right? Side note, the above is me being empathetic and aware of other peoples decisions and idiosyncrasies, but also gurl, run! The fact you're asking strangers for advice on the internet, you already know what you want to do. Wait for the right person, this ain't that....
Fake. Even if it's not fake article is talking like is Canadian to ask for money for Thanksgiving meals. The writer is obviously an idiot with no insight or integrity. Poor job well done.
Canadians are notoriously cheap. Many travel to Florida for the winter...and they're known for not leaving tips at restaurants. I hate them.
Perhaps this tradition is such a norm for his family that it didnt occur to them how weird it is to strangers. But BF here is really iffy, what's with that double standard - if its normal for him to pay for his meal, how does he have the cheek to keep eating 'for free'?
NTA, they shouldn't have asked about drugs, they shouldn't have asked for $$ and they should have allowed you to sleep in one room or 2, whichever you wanted.
This is the same s**t my moms sister and her husband would and have pulled. The exact same s**t. Except it was Christmas. And they were both assholes too. I cut them both out of my life years ago. They destroyed their kids lives and tried to destroy everyone elses life too. This girl needs to run far and fast and never look back because that guy is going to be seriously messed up in the head.
How bizarre! I'm just wondering, did he have to pay for his plate too or does the little prince get to eat for free? Smh. It maybe tradition in his weird family to charge gourmet prices for home cooked meals but he's been to other people's family gatherings enough to know that it's not normal and should've given his gf the heads up. What a piece of work!
I'd pay for the complete meal for everybody and, when I give them the check I'd tell them this is the last time I'd have a meal with them, after that I wish them a happy Thanksgiving and go home.
This is breaking SO many Canadian stereotypes right now that I have to wonder if the OP is taking the p**s. But yeah totally NTA. If any of this is true, then RUN and run fast! Don't look back. The fact that you're BF didn't at least give you a heads up before you met them means that he thinks their behavior is perfectly acceptable and will continue to allow them to treat you like a second class citizen. Dump that dude and his crazy a*s family RIGHT NOW!
Her reaction is weird though, leaving the next day, fuming, feeling angry? People have different quirks and it's their home. What if they have medical issues and are struggling to come up with a way to host and celebrate? If I was told to pay, I would just for the spirit of fun. Why not? Their home. Get into the holiday spirit of helping and giving even when it doesn't suit you. She could have declined and still stayed. Running to social media asking for validation is annoying.
Definitely weird, but so is buying an expensive last minute plane ticket home over thirty bucks. If it had been me, I would have paid, stayed through the weekend, and then had a long talk about it when I got home and not go back unless circumstances change. Just because the parents are weirdos doesn’t necessarily mean the boyfriend is.
Impopulair opinion: for the sake of my husband you deal with s**t from his family. Having idiots for parents is not his fault. If the boyfriend is worth it, deal with it and talk to your bf afterwards and have a good laugh about it.
181
235