Man Stands Up For His Wife When Sister’s New Boyfriend Makes A Rude ‘Joke’ About Her Mastectomy
People say you only get one chance to make a great first impression. That’s why so many obsess about their looks, body language, and interesting conversation topics to be on top of their game. And all of this comes to a whole new level when you’re about to meet your partner’s parents. After all, they could potentially stay in your life for years.
So imagine getting ready to welcome a new member into your family, only to find out they show a real lack of respect for the people you love. That’s exactly what happened to user ShutupHank766. His family recently gathered to meet his sister’s new boyfriend, who seemed decent at first, but things quickly turned sour when the guy decided to “playfully” joke about his wife’s mastectomy.
The boyfriend’s insensitive remark prompted a deluge of reactions. While the wife felt “uncomfortable to the point of crying”, the author was furious and “scared her boyfriend” out of their parents’ house. The user turned to the AITA community to ask whether he was wrong to act this way. Read on for the full story.
Recently, this man shared a story about how his sister’s new boyfriend “playfully” joked about his wife’s mastectomy
Image credits: Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ShutupHank766
ShutupHank766’s story quickly collected 21.5K upvotes and inspired people to share their thoughts and their own experiences. Later on, the author revealed how his wife’s breast cancer and mastectomy came up during the conversation. You see, it was the first thing his sister said when introducing her. “My wife was basically forced into opening up about it just because she’s too nice to even show discomfort,” he wrote.
Luckily, ShutupHank766’s mother sided with the man and his wife in the argument. She showed empathy and support by following his wife into the kitchen and staying with her to calm her down. “Mom and my wife have a mother-daughter relationship, they’re incredibly close.”
Needless to say, the majority of Redditors determined that the author was not in the wrong in this situation. Members of the AITA community applauded the husband for standing up for his wife and not allowing the boyfriend to get away with such insensitive jokes. While some people might justify his actions because meeting the family often comes with piles of stress, the boyfriend should have known better.
Relationship expert April Masini suggested some easy steps to make the meeting of your SO’s parents seem less daunting. According to her, you should always come prepared. “Find out from your partner what sets their parents off,” she said. “For instance, if they’re staunch political advocates or if they tend to be very religious — get a head’s up so you can steer clear of talking politics or making comments about religion. Basically, get briefed on what they’re like and ask specifically, what you should not talk about and why.”
However, Masini stressed that the most important thing is to use good manners. “The reason is that by doing so, you’re showing respect. You’re also showing that you’re educated in a way that isn’t taught in any school. When your partner’s parents see you have good manners, you’re broadcasting the fact that you know how to behave in social situations, and this is currency in relationships.”
“Your partner’s parents are going to be much more eager to introduce you to their friends and family members when they see your good manners because they’ll feel you fit in, and they’ll feel proud to be associated with you.”
Masini recommended displaying your manners by bringing a gift, being respectful, not getting drunk, or using curse words. And, of course, not upsetting their daughter-in-law who’s sitting right at the other end of the table.
The vast majority of Redditors determined that he was NTA in this situation, here’s what they had to say
What a rude, insensitive pig the sister's boyfriend is. He's lucky he didn't get a punch in the nose.
The sister is also incredibly insensitive. From reddit: "My sister [...] was introducing each member of the family and when it was my wife's turn, the first thing she (my sister) told him was that my wife had cancer. my wife was basically forced into opening up about it just because she's too nice to even show discomfort." Holy mackerel, the sister is a complete ass! She and the boyfriend validate each other's awfulness.
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I feel sorry for the wife and hope they cut contact with all except the mother. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer she said "I'm a Libra but whatever" When she had her left breast removed she said "Now I can always feel a right tit" When her hair fell out due to chemo she was given 2 wigs. She would get out of going out by saying, "I can't make it. I'm washing my hair... It should be on the spin cycle by now, but the washing machine hates head and shoulders" and "I used wash and go, and when I washed, it went" also "Time to go shopping for hair care products. Can someone go grab me some Windolene?" She was pretty much like that all the time until she died in 2005 where she went a few days after her wedding anniversary
Your mother sounds like an absolute riot. I was so sorry to read to the end of your comment and see that she's no longer with us. It was lovely to get to know a little about someone who sounds like she was a remarkable person
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The only time humour is appropriate is when the woman in question repeatedly uses humour to deal with the challenges she faces. It’s never ok to assume that they are comfortable talking about it or people bringing everyone else’s attention to it. Would he want the woman in question to joke about him if he had testicular cancer and had one removed? I doubt it very much. FFS, be more kind!
I was going to say something similar. I had surgery as a final step to beat colon cancer. I used dark humor to get myself through it and now my family and friends understand they do not need to walk on eggshells. The funny thing is how other people get offended when I joke about my own condition 🤣🤣
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Looks like the sister and the boy friend are a match. And the dad needs to grow a pair and not excuse such nasty behavior.
There's a term I saw on a FB meme - Schrodinger's Douchebag: (noun) a person who says offensive things and then decides if it's a joke or not based on other people's reactions
This is what I call someone being a t***t. Make a joke you know it's clearly going to offend someone and it's not in good taste, person gets upset, then you just go "IT'S A PRANK BRUH!" and act like you're the victim.
Not only that, but making "jokes" like that when you have only JUST met the person! You have no idea how they will react or whether they'll take a plate of food and smash it over your head!
Load More Replies... I just want to reiterate the comment above that being angry doesn't equate to anger issues. Sometimes that is exactly what is called for in the moment. I would have thrown the guy out.
Exactly! Sometimes anger is justified, and THIS was one of those times! I thought he would quite restrained. I don't think I would have been that nice.
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Sister sees the worst in everybody? Hahaha, clearly not in her BF... And it's not "aggression" if the other starts. Hostile, yea; I'd hope you're hostile against invaders.
It's funny how whenever ppl who were "just joking" are asked to explain their terrible jokes they can never find the words. That's EXACTLY how you handle someone like that. One of my "friends" (not anymore) made a very racist joke one time and nobody laughed and he's like "I was just joking! Jeez guys lighten up!" And I said "oh.. I just don't think we all understand it because we're just very serious ppl so could you please explain to us why that was funny? I just don't understand it..." and I played dumb and he fumbled over his words and got beat red and apologized before leaving the bar without saying a word to anyone. We all laughed at that tho!
well, are you still friends? and at least he apologized and left at the time. seemed like thats a mature thing to do.
Load More Replies... I've never had cancer but if some jack hole told me he could see one of my boobs was off or different I would be both embarrassed and angry. My husband, however, would rip him a new ahole and dare him to speak again. So dude, this guy should see you as a saint for not clocking him for speaking to your wife that way at all. You are a good man and most surely NTA. Your wife is lucky to have you (and vice-versa I'm sure). God bless.
The boyfriend is a creep. Not only was his remark insensitive, and cruel, but it must have been humiliating for the wife to sit there while a stranger is appraising her body.
It’s always a good idea to ask them to explain the joke. Then they look like an AH when they can’t.
That sister doesn't have anger issues, she has attention issues. As in she has issues when the positive attention isn't on her.
SO NTA!!! Both his sister and her boyfriend have the intellect and compassion of dead fruit flies.
don't insult dead fruit flies! they be my homies.
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I understand that meeting someone's family can be awkward and you may put your foot in your mouth, but once he saw you were uncomfortable he should have offered to apologize immediately. If he'd just done that and had been honest, maybe stating, 'I'm so sorry please I'm just nervous being here and meeting everyone and I'm just trying to be funny but I promise I didn't mean anything by it and I'll definitely go apologize to your wife.'....he would have been fine. But the fact he hid his head like a baby and then hid in his phone and then just left.... he's clearly immature and it sounds like your sister may be as well. I'm always more surprised at the reactions and responses of the family members when I see these kinds of posts. It's always some in-laws doing horrible things to the wife/husband and the spouse sides with the family instead of their husband/wife, even when they know the family was in the wrong. Your sister should have stood up for her brother.
You handled that perfectly and I applaud you for not breaking his nose or at least screaming and cursing at him and your sister. Cruel and whiny scum, the two of them. Lots of love to your wife, you and your mom, who is probably miserable to have a kid like sis.
The fact that the sister things that is an okay behavior says a lot about her. If that is perfect I don't want to know what she would consider inperfect.
NTA!!! First things first WHO THE HELL DOES YOUR SIS THINK SHE IS!?!?? I mean this whole situation came up basically because she shared PRIVATE information that wasn't HERS TO SHARE!! By taking that choice from your wife she was not only disrespectful but has her own part to be accountable for! They have laws in place so that ONLY people patients WANT to know their business do, to protect them from unwanted ones spreading it. Of coarse sister doesn't see anything but perfection, she's blind to her own DISRESPECTFULNESS. My grandmother is a 3 time breast cancer survivor, thyroid cancer survivor, skin cancer survivor and NEVER would my grandpa let ANYONE talk wreckless to her!! It's great that she has you as her husband in her corner to lift her chin when the sadness drops her head, reminding her that the ones who MATTER KNOW and all the others DON'T MATTER! Hope the future is bright for both of you and prayers for forever cancer free
Don't you just love how the boyfriend is such a coward, he just ditches the sister? And how she's so blinded, she doesn't stick up for someone who's been in the family for longer? They deserve each other, couple of pricks. The father is the worst here. He just let it happen, instead of telling the boyfriend to leave. And the sister and father have the utter GALL to tell the husband to apologize? Pathetic. You do not make fun of someone's illness or past unless they give the okay or do it themselves first. My family and I joke about my father's cancer all the time, but he's over it. I hope the best of luck for the mom, the husband, and the still grieving wife. The others? Eh. We don't tend to think about trash too much, do we?
First meeting and he says something like that? Wow, that boyfriend is a POS. You don't make jokes to practically a stranger about something that can easily be viewed as a worry point. I'm sure she's extremely self conscious about that when out in public and this AH just confirms her worry in the worse way. Screw him... Good on the husband
Good riddance to bad rubbish. The worst part was the bf's reaction. It's one thing to slip up and say something inappropriate in an attempt to diffuse an awkward situation. We've all embarrassed ourselves; good people apologize and learn to understand how they can be better. The BF didn't apologize and then FLED! How awful is that.
I hope the sister comes to her senses (not likely, it seems) and dumps the boyfriend.
The sister and her boyfriend are vile, loathsome, scoundrels. Sister for thinking her cancer diagnosis was made up due to sister believing that she was attention seeking concerning her prior semi recent miscarriage. How disgusting can one person be, but then to keep piling it on, announces to her new bf at dinner with her family, upon introducing her, about her cancer diagnosis, leaving her to answer uncomfortable questions. Continuing to disrespect her by blaming her and her brother for the incident and continuing her cycle of abusive behavior towards her SIL. Sister's new bf is a real special individual, himself. Joking about someone's serious illness that caused them to lose a body part, one that can cause massive physical pain, but also emotional and mental difficulties dealing with the trauma surrounding the ordeal, but then not only won't apologize for it, but lies and drives away, whining like a petulant child. Sister is disturbing, they should cut their losses with her.
The sister accused her of FAKING!? Are you kidding me?! She has a personality disorder and needs to go see a therapist.
Did you really need Miss Manners to tell you not to meet a strange woman and make a "joke" about you creepy attention to one body part AND her cancer? It should become normal for everyone to call out people to explain why their "jokes" are funny. And new boyfriend should apologize. A simple, "I'm sorry."
He could explain the "joke" to me whilst picking his teeth up off the floor.
I understand having someone joke about some health concern that is very serious. I have mental illness issues and my sister told all of our managers and the owner of the pizza place we work at. Two of the managers thought that it would be funny to do things to make my anxiety come out. One liked to stare at me even though my sister told him that this made me nervous. Thankfully he doesn't work here anymore.
Jokes about serious diseases aren't for first encounters. It's rare that this level is approachable at all, and if, only with people who know each other more than just well, have the matching sense of humor, and a lot else is required. He's an AH because he overstepped a lot of lines he may be allowed to later on, but has no right that this will develop there at all. It doesn't need to, all needery is on his part here. He should apologize to your wife.
Make even one insensitive joke about my childhood brain cancer and/or epilepsy diagnoses, and you and I can never be friends again. People don't choose to have cancer. Yes, I might joke about them every now and then, but it's never hurtful to me or anyone else, and it's one of my coping mechanisms.
That was literally the least hostile way to stand up for her. If you can't explain the "joke" it clearly isn't a joke, it's an insult
Perfect response to cowards who hide insults as 'jokes' and the tries to gaslight you for being too uptight or whatever. My dad does this to me all of the time. "Wow, you've gained weight/gotten old/etc." "Yeah, thanks, Dad. This is why we only see each other once every decade now. "I'M JUST JOKING." Explain the f*****g joke and how it's funnt.
Years ago, I had a hysterectomy due to advanced stage cancer, you would not believe the amount of "jokes" about now being an "it" and personal comments about how much "better off" I am without the female parts to cause problems later. It actually happened a few times with people I had never met before, so I was able to figure out who in the family and which friends were speaking out of turn and sharing my personal details without my knowledge or consent. Somehow though, only the missing parts make it into the story, not the battle to survive, when you've been told it may not be possible.
It wasn't a joke. That's what people say when someone else calls them out for what was said.
Your sister sir is a narcissistic skank and has chosen her ilk as a potential mate.
I've heard of the tactic before where if someone tells a bad joke, you ask them to explain it as if you don't understand it. It'll make them realize their error. It was perfectly executed here, too bad the jerk boyfriend didn't use it as an opportunity to apologize.
Sister thinks what he did was hostile? The poster showed MUCH more restraint than I would have been capable of.
The sister and her boyfriend sound like real gems. Cancer isn't a joking matter, unless you're specifically told by the person with the condition you can joke about it with them. The boyfriend couldn't even explain why it would possibly be funny, and it was a creepy joke even if the wife was okay with cancer-related humor. Also, I love the OP's faithfulness to his wife. He stayed with her through a miscarriage and cancer. That's true love.
Sounds like he needs to distance himself from his sister, and have an honest talk with his father. I praise his restraint for not physically getting in the boyfriend's face. I don't necessarily condone violence as a response to verbal hostility, but this would have taken some strength.
As someone who had a mastectomy 6 months ago, if some guy had said that to me, I would have slapped his face. As a stranger, he should have thought about what he was going to say, before he said it. The sister deserves him.
Sometimes I think posts like these are made up because no one can be so blatantly stupid and rude... But then on the other hand, knowing my cousin and my aunt... 🤔
Only thing I wish the OP did, is after asking boyfriend 2 or 3 times to explain himself, OP should have said "huh, guess you can't" then blatantly changed the subject to something lame and/or excused himself to go to his wife. Still, great that he didn't just stand by.
Unfortunately there are assholes like this. After major brain surgery my sister in law made remarks about the depression in my right temple (I was literally scalped and had 1/3 of my skull removed for them to access and clip 8mm aneurysm). When are they going to fix it? They ain’t. The plate that re-enforces my temple is more important than a depression.
What the actual F*CK. Cannot believe they're defending that POS of a bf. Your wife went through a life threatening situation and lost part of her body. A part that is a highly desirable sexual aspect in our society. You are an amazing husband for standing up for her that way, your family sounds incredibly insensitive and rude.
Sister thought his wife was faking cancer. She deserves the boyfriend.
Sounds like Sister and BF are a match made in hell. They deserve each other.
if that were too happen to my friend, well, considering my friend, she would do way more damage then i would ever do, but still, that would deserve a grade A punch from me, and then i would have to hold back my friend from murdering that Arschloch.
Yeah, I don't get that "joke" either. But the guy may just be missing a filter, not truly AH. Give a 2nd chance. THEN never see him again.
Wow, that dude handled it better than I would've. I don't I wpuld've been able to keep my hands to myself. I don't care if it's his first time meeting the family. He made an awful first impression.
Dude, f**k that guy. You should have straight up punched him in the face for that.
S**t, NTA. At that, I am swooning at this man's defense of his wife's honor and dignity. My husband would react the same, it would be ugly so fast... but luckily, I don't have anyone in my family nasty enough to have such an insensitive and arrogant ass around. Shoot, if by chance they did, they would have shut his mouth up, too! Not a genuinely good person, that sister. Pity.
Honestly just staying with someone who is a smoker when you aren't ok with smoking is selling yourself out. Its not a one person addiction it follows you back into the room it stays on your skin your hair your clothes so you significant other starts to smoke too. If she was already willing to look past that just to have love then she is already doinf herself and her family a disservice. Why cancer was a dinner topic the first time you came to a family dinner is odd enough but then to joke about it... no thanks. Then to leave without saying you are leaving. Dude is not the ah dude just took a bullet for his family.
If that was his first time meeting the family, he should know how to behave. That was s**t and he got s**t for it.
Why dud the wife find it necessary to tell her sisters new boyfriend shebhhad had a mastectomy seriously 2st time you meet the guy a little tmi dont ya think,granted he shouldn't have said what he said but she didn't have to put that out there something so personal when you don't even know the guy,I SAY THEY'RE BOTH WRONG!
The OP said that his sister told her BF as part of her introduction of his wife. The wife isnt to blame for any of it, just the sister and her BF.
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You. Have. NO. Obligation. To. Maintain. A. Relationship. With. Toxic. 'Family.' PERIOD.
The sister must be incredibly desperate to chose a man like that as her boyfriend. It sounds like that is the best she can do. How pathetic. However; it seems strange that the guys wife felt the need to tell the sisters boyfriend all about her cancer and mastectomy the first time she meets the guy. Maybe I'm just odd that my medical history is private. Nor do I need to hear about anyone else's.
OP stated that his sister told the BF as she was introducing his wife. The wife wasnt given a choice.
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My family and I survive by using humour, even dark humour. For us, laughter and ribbing each other is the best medicine. However, not everyone can handle that, not everyone deals with situations using humour. It's our responsibility as humans to know that we're all different. Those of us with dark humour have all learned that the hard way in some way or another. The thing is, if you say something that clearly upset the other person, you need to APOLOGISE. I feel like that could have all been solved if he said sorry and learned going forward. However, by him saying "it was just a joke, bro" shows that he's just an eejit prick. The sister sounds no better.
Smoking is extremely dangerous, suggests addictive tendencies, and is a disgustingly dirty habit. The boyfriend is an insensitive, attention-seeking idiot. Additionally, someone needs to read the side of his cigarette pack to him.
That kid that actually said that to his wife was a f*****g a*****e! The problem with the kids these days, is they all think they're cool badass rappers they all try to be oh I'm Mr Big I'm cool that's why I wear my pants halfway down my ass! They're nothing but pieces of s**t! He should be shot in the head for that comment! I know people with cancer and I have seen what happens to people with breast cancer it's not funny!
Bored Panda should have people that actually write articles and not copy paste from Reddit all the time?.
Oh no once again the r******d snowflake comments dont surprise me. Anything and everything can be joked about no exceptions if you disagree just kill yourself and make the world a more happy place with less hostility
You are both thd a-hole. I think the father was right. Thid guy was a schmuck but, getting that hostlie damandinv an answer you knew was not coming. You wanted to escalate the siruation anx you succeeded. Son't play innocent now.
First time meeting the family, talking about a heavy topic, some people respond badly. Absolutely he should have made it clear that it was inappropriate and not appreciated, but then just tell the guy "Not cool, you should apologize" and let it go. To drag it out and make it as uncomfortable as possible for everyone, what is the ultimate goal there? Make sure you never see the dude again or if he does stick around, making sure you always feel super uncomfortable at every family function for the rest of time. It was a bad joke made in a stressful atmosphere, it was not him killing your dog. I have had a few bad jokes made at my expense and if it was a one off you state your piece and let it go. Brother and sister both sound like they want to drag out drama and be angry.
Umm did you stop to think about how uncomfortable (and then some) the bf made the brothers wife feel??? Not to mention, someone who is 30 years old should catch on that it is entirely inappropriate and should immediately apologize without prompting.
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That's an ESH if ever I heard one. Sister and her boyfriend were total AH. But OP should have simply explained that his wife was still sensitive about the issue and joking wasn't welcome. Instead, he got really passive aggressive. Some people with differences prefer joking about it over being pitied or helped, and the bf may have known someone like that and assumed she had the same attitude. He was an AH who made a boneheaded mistake, but OP was immature in how he handled it. Everyone Sucks Here, except for the wife who simply left when she felt upset. Now the poor woman has to be confronted by the fallout not only from the rude family, but her husband's pointless manhandling of the situation. ESH. ESH. ESH.
Yeah I'm sure he just "asked" him to explain sounds like he tried starting s**t instead of just telling the guy how insensitive it was. And the crop oh they stopped bringing up out miscarriage.... oh you wanna talk about your baby who couldn't make it more? Seems real positive. Husband and wife sound like attention whores
The SISTER is the one with the need for attention. She is the one who accused the wife of faking cancer because they werent talking about the miscarriage anymore. There is absolutely nothing to indicate that op and his wife want to talk about any of it at all. Sister was also the one to disclose the wife's private medical information while introducing her to the BF. Sister is the one who is the issue and her jerk of a BF.
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Explain to me how there is nothing wrong with a boy who made a joke about a woman who survived breast cancer?
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You don't make jokes about someone with cancer (or any other illness for that matter) unless you're absolutely 100% certain that it'll be funny for them as well. It doesn't matter if you're meeting them for the first time like the bf here or if you've known them forever, serious/deadly illness is nothing to joke about! Being nervous is no excuse for basic decent behaviour.
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What a rude, insensitive pig the sister's boyfriend is. He's lucky he didn't get a punch in the nose.
The sister is also incredibly insensitive. From reddit: "My sister [...] was introducing each member of the family and when it was my wife's turn, the first thing she (my sister) told him was that my wife had cancer. my wife was basically forced into opening up about it just because she's too nice to even show discomfort." Holy mackerel, the sister is a complete ass! She and the boyfriend validate each other's awfulness.
Load More Replies... I feel sorry for the wife and hope they cut contact with all except the mother. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer she said "I'm a Libra but whatever" When she had her left breast removed she said "Now I can always feel a right tit" When her hair fell out due to chemo she was given 2 wigs. She would get out of going out by saying, "I can't make it. I'm washing my hair... It should be on the spin cycle by now, but the washing machine hates head and shoulders" and "I used wash and go, and when I washed, it went" also "Time to go shopping for hair care products. Can someone go grab me some Windolene?" She was pretty much like that all the time until she died in 2005 where she went a few days after her wedding anniversary
Your mother sounds like an absolute riot. I was so sorry to read to the end of your comment and see that she's no longer with us. It was lovely to get to know a little about someone who sounds like she was a remarkable person
Load More Replies... The only time humour is appropriate is when the woman in question repeatedly uses humour to deal with the challenges she faces. It’s never ok to assume that they are comfortable talking about it or people bringing everyone else’s attention to it. Would he want the woman in question to joke about him if he had testicular cancer and had one removed? I doubt it very much. FFS, be more kind!
I was going to say something similar. I had surgery as a final step to beat colon cancer. I used dark humor to get myself through it and now my family and friends understand they do not need to walk on eggshells. The funny thing is how other people get offended when I joke about my own condition 🤣🤣
Load More Replies... Looks like the sister and the boy friend are a match. And the dad needs to grow a pair and not excuse such nasty behavior.
There's a term I saw on a FB meme - Schrodinger's Douchebag: (noun) a person who says offensive things and then decides if it's a joke or not based on other people's reactions
This is what I call someone being a t***t. Make a joke you know it's clearly going to offend someone and it's not in good taste, person gets upset, then you just go "IT'S A PRANK BRUH!" and act like you're the victim.
Not only that, but making "jokes" like that when you have only JUST met the person! You have no idea how they will react or whether they'll take a plate of food and smash it over your head!
Load More Replies... I just want to reiterate the comment above that being angry doesn't equate to anger issues. Sometimes that is exactly what is called for in the moment. I would have thrown the guy out.
Exactly! Sometimes anger is justified, and THIS was one of those times! I thought he would quite restrained. I don't think I would have been that nice.
Load More Replies... Sister sees the worst in everybody? Hahaha, clearly not in her BF... And it's not "aggression" if the other starts. Hostile, yea; I'd hope you're hostile against invaders.
It's funny how whenever ppl who were "just joking" are asked to explain their terrible jokes they can never find the words. That's EXACTLY how you handle someone like that. One of my "friends" (not anymore) made a very racist joke one time and nobody laughed and he's like "I was just joking! Jeez guys lighten up!" And I said "oh.. I just don't think we all understand it because we're just very serious ppl so could you please explain to us why that was funny? I just don't understand it..." and I played dumb and he fumbled over his words and got beat red and apologized before leaving the bar without saying a word to anyone. We all laughed at that tho!
well, are you still friends? and at least he apologized and left at the time. seemed like thats a mature thing to do.
Load More Replies... I've never had cancer but if some jack hole told me he could see one of my boobs was off or different I would be both embarrassed and angry. My husband, however, would rip him a new ahole and dare him to speak again. So dude, this guy should see you as a saint for not clocking him for speaking to your wife that way at all. You are a good man and most surely NTA. Your wife is lucky to have you (and vice-versa I'm sure). God bless.
The boyfriend is a creep. Not only was his remark insensitive, and cruel, but it must have been humiliating for the wife to sit there while a stranger is appraising her body.
It’s always a good idea to ask them to explain the joke. Then they look like an AH when they can’t.
That sister doesn't have anger issues, she has attention issues. As in she has issues when the positive attention isn't on her.
SO NTA!!! Both his sister and her boyfriend have the intellect and compassion of dead fruit flies.
don't insult dead fruit flies! they be my homies.
Load More Replies... I understand that meeting someone's family can be awkward and you may put your foot in your mouth, but once he saw you were uncomfortable he should have offered to apologize immediately. If he'd just done that and had been honest, maybe stating, 'I'm so sorry please I'm just nervous being here and meeting everyone and I'm just trying to be funny but I promise I didn't mean anything by it and I'll definitely go apologize to your wife.'....he would have been fine. But the fact he hid his head like a baby and then hid in his phone and then just left.... he's clearly immature and it sounds like your sister may be as well. I'm always more surprised at the reactions and responses of the family members when I see these kinds of posts. It's always some in-laws doing horrible things to the wife/husband and the spouse sides with the family instead of their husband/wife, even when they know the family was in the wrong. Your sister should have stood up for her brother.
You handled that perfectly and I applaud you for not breaking his nose or at least screaming and cursing at him and your sister. Cruel and whiny scum, the two of them. Lots of love to your wife, you and your mom, who is probably miserable to have a kid like sis.
The fact that the sister things that is an okay behavior says a lot about her. If that is perfect I don't want to know what she would consider inperfect.
NTA!!! First things first WHO THE HELL DOES YOUR SIS THINK SHE IS!?!?? I mean this whole situation came up basically because she shared PRIVATE information that wasn't HERS TO SHARE!! By taking that choice from your wife she was not only disrespectful but has her own part to be accountable for! They have laws in place so that ONLY people patients WANT to know their business do, to protect them from unwanted ones spreading it. Of coarse sister doesn't see anything but perfection, she's blind to her own DISRESPECTFULNESS. My grandmother is a 3 time breast cancer survivor, thyroid cancer survivor, skin cancer survivor and NEVER would my grandpa let ANYONE talk wreckless to her!! It's great that she has you as her husband in her corner to lift her chin when the sadness drops her head, reminding her that the ones who MATTER KNOW and all the others DON'T MATTER! Hope the future is bright for both of you and prayers for forever cancer free
Don't you just love how the boyfriend is such a coward, he just ditches the sister? And how she's so blinded, she doesn't stick up for someone who's been in the family for longer? They deserve each other, couple of pricks. The father is the worst here. He just let it happen, instead of telling the boyfriend to leave. And the sister and father have the utter GALL to tell the husband to apologize? Pathetic. You do not make fun of someone's illness or past unless they give the okay or do it themselves first. My family and I joke about my father's cancer all the time, but he's over it. I hope the best of luck for the mom, the husband, and the still grieving wife. The others? Eh. We don't tend to think about trash too much, do we?
First meeting and he says something like that? Wow, that boyfriend is a POS. You don't make jokes to practically a stranger about something that can easily be viewed as a worry point. I'm sure she's extremely self conscious about that when out in public and this AH just confirms her worry in the worse way. Screw him... Good on the husband
Good riddance to bad rubbish. The worst part was the bf's reaction. It's one thing to slip up and say something inappropriate in an attempt to diffuse an awkward situation. We've all embarrassed ourselves; good people apologize and learn to understand how they can be better. The BF didn't apologize and then FLED! How awful is that.
I hope the sister comes to her senses (not likely, it seems) and dumps the boyfriend.
The sister and her boyfriend are vile, loathsome, scoundrels. Sister for thinking her cancer diagnosis was made up due to sister believing that she was attention seeking concerning her prior semi recent miscarriage. How disgusting can one person be, but then to keep piling it on, announces to her new bf at dinner with her family, upon introducing her, about her cancer diagnosis, leaving her to answer uncomfortable questions. Continuing to disrespect her by blaming her and her brother for the incident and continuing her cycle of abusive behavior towards her SIL. Sister's new bf is a real special individual, himself. Joking about someone's serious illness that caused them to lose a body part, one that can cause massive physical pain, but also emotional and mental difficulties dealing with the trauma surrounding the ordeal, but then not only won't apologize for it, but lies and drives away, whining like a petulant child. Sister is disturbing, they should cut their losses with her.
The sister accused her of FAKING!? Are you kidding me?! She has a personality disorder and needs to go see a therapist.
Did you really need Miss Manners to tell you not to meet a strange woman and make a "joke" about you creepy attention to one body part AND her cancer? It should become normal for everyone to call out people to explain why their "jokes" are funny. And new boyfriend should apologize. A simple, "I'm sorry."
He could explain the "joke" to me whilst picking his teeth up off the floor.
I understand having someone joke about some health concern that is very serious. I have mental illness issues and my sister told all of our managers and the owner of the pizza place we work at. Two of the managers thought that it would be funny to do things to make my anxiety come out. One liked to stare at me even though my sister told him that this made me nervous. Thankfully he doesn't work here anymore.
Jokes about serious diseases aren't for first encounters. It's rare that this level is approachable at all, and if, only with people who know each other more than just well, have the matching sense of humor, and a lot else is required. He's an AH because he overstepped a lot of lines he may be allowed to later on, but has no right that this will develop there at all. It doesn't need to, all needery is on his part here. He should apologize to your wife.
Make even one insensitive joke about my childhood brain cancer and/or epilepsy diagnoses, and you and I can never be friends again. People don't choose to have cancer. Yes, I might joke about them every now and then, but it's never hurtful to me or anyone else, and it's one of my coping mechanisms.
That was literally the least hostile way to stand up for her. If you can't explain the "joke" it clearly isn't a joke, it's an insult
Perfect response to cowards who hide insults as 'jokes' and the tries to gaslight you for being too uptight or whatever. My dad does this to me all of the time. "Wow, you've gained weight/gotten old/etc." "Yeah, thanks, Dad. This is why we only see each other once every decade now. "I'M JUST JOKING." Explain the f*****g joke and how it's funnt.
Years ago, I had a hysterectomy due to advanced stage cancer, you would not believe the amount of "jokes" about now being an "it" and personal comments about how much "better off" I am without the female parts to cause problems later. It actually happened a few times with people I had never met before, so I was able to figure out who in the family and which friends were speaking out of turn and sharing my personal details without my knowledge or consent. Somehow though, only the missing parts make it into the story, not the battle to survive, when you've been told it may not be possible.
It wasn't a joke. That's what people say when someone else calls them out for what was said.
Your sister sir is a narcissistic skank and has chosen her ilk as a potential mate.
I've heard of the tactic before where if someone tells a bad joke, you ask them to explain it as if you don't understand it. It'll make them realize their error. It was perfectly executed here, too bad the jerk boyfriend didn't use it as an opportunity to apologize.
Sister thinks what he did was hostile? The poster showed MUCH more restraint than I would have been capable of.
The sister and her boyfriend sound like real gems. Cancer isn't a joking matter, unless you're specifically told by the person with the condition you can joke about it with them. The boyfriend couldn't even explain why it would possibly be funny, and it was a creepy joke even if the wife was okay with cancer-related humor. Also, I love the OP's faithfulness to his wife. He stayed with her through a miscarriage and cancer. That's true love.
Sounds like he needs to distance himself from his sister, and have an honest talk with his father. I praise his restraint for not physically getting in the boyfriend's face. I don't necessarily condone violence as a response to verbal hostility, but this would have taken some strength.
As someone who had a mastectomy 6 months ago, if some guy had said that to me, I would have slapped his face. As a stranger, he should have thought about what he was going to say, before he said it. The sister deserves him.
Sometimes I think posts like these are made up because no one can be so blatantly stupid and rude... But then on the other hand, knowing my cousin and my aunt... 🤔
Only thing I wish the OP did, is after asking boyfriend 2 or 3 times to explain himself, OP should have said "huh, guess you can't" then blatantly changed the subject to something lame and/or excused himself to go to his wife. Still, great that he didn't just stand by.
Unfortunately there are assholes like this. After major brain surgery my sister in law made remarks about the depression in my right temple (I was literally scalped and had 1/3 of my skull removed for them to access and clip 8mm aneurysm). When are they going to fix it? They ain’t. The plate that re-enforces my temple is more important than a depression.
What the actual F*CK. Cannot believe they're defending that POS of a bf. Your wife went through a life threatening situation and lost part of her body. A part that is a highly desirable sexual aspect in our society. You are an amazing husband for standing up for her that way, your family sounds incredibly insensitive and rude.
Sister thought his wife was faking cancer. She deserves the boyfriend.
Sounds like Sister and BF are a match made in hell. They deserve each other.
if that were too happen to my friend, well, considering my friend, she would do way more damage then i would ever do, but still, that would deserve a grade A punch from me, and then i would have to hold back my friend from murdering that Arschloch.
Yeah, I don't get that "joke" either. But the guy may just be missing a filter, not truly AH. Give a 2nd chance. THEN never see him again.
Wow, that dude handled it better than I would've. I don't I wpuld've been able to keep my hands to myself. I don't care if it's his first time meeting the family. He made an awful first impression.
Dude, f**k that guy. You should have straight up punched him in the face for that.
S**t, NTA. At that, I am swooning at this man's defense of his wife's honor and dignity. My husband would react the same, it would be ugly so fast... but luckily, I don't have anyone in my family nasty enough to have such an insensitive and arrogant ass around. Shoot, if by chance they did, they would have shut his mouth up, too! Not a genuinely good person, that sister. Pity.
Honestly just staying with someone who is a smoker when you aren't ok with smoking is selling yourself out. Its not a one person addiction it follows you back into the room it stays on your skin your hair your clothes so you significant other starts to smoke too. If she was already willing to look past that just to have love then she is already doinf herself and her family a disservice. Why cancer was a dinner topic the first time you came to a family dinner is odd enough but then to joke about it... no thanks. Then to leave without saying you are leaving. Dude is not the ah dude just took a bullet for his family.
If that was his first time meeting the family, he should know how to behave. That was s**t and he got s**t for it.
Why dud the wife find it necessary to tell her sisters new boyfriend shebhhad had a mastectomy seriously 2st time you meet the guy a little tmi dont ya think,granted he shouldn't have said what he said but she didn't have to put that out there something so personal when you don't even know the guy,I SAY THEY'RE BOTH WRONG!
The OP said that his sister told her BF as part of her introduction of his wife. The wife isnt to blame for any of it, just the sister and her BF.
Load More Replies... You. Have. NO. Obligation. To. Maintain. A. Relationship. With. Toxic. 'Family.' PERIOD.
The sister must be incredibly desperate to chose a man like that as her boyfriend. It sounds like that is the best she can do. How pathetic. However; it seems strange that the guys wife felt the need to tell the sisters boyfriend all about her cancer and mastectomy the first time she meets the guy. Maybe I'm just odd that my medical history is private. Nor do I need to hear about anyone else's.
OP stated that his sister told the BF as she was introducing his wife. The wife wasnt given a choice.
Load More Replies... My family and I survive by using humour, even dark humour. For us, laughter and ribbing each other is the best medicine. However, not everyone can handle that, not everyone deals with situations using humour. It's our responsibility as humans to know that we're all different. Those of us with dark humour have all learned that the hard way in some way or another. The thing is, if you say something that clearly upset the other person, you need to APOLOGISE. I feel like that could have all been solved if he said sorry and learned going forward. However, by him saying "it was just a joke, bro" shows that he's just an eejit prick. The sister sounds no better.
Smoking is extremely dangerous, suggests addictive tendencies, and is a disgustingly dirty habit. The boyfriend is an insensitive, attention-seeking idiot. Additionally, someone needs to read the side of his cigarette pack to him.
That kid that actually said that to his wife was a f*****g a*****e! The problem with the kids these days, is they all think they're cool badass rappers they all try to be oh I'm Mr Big I'm cool that's why I wear my pants halfway down my ass! They're nothing but pieces of s**t! He should be shot in the head for that comment! I know people with cancer and I have seen what happens to people with breast cancer it's not funny!
Bored Panda should have people that actually write articles and not copy paste from Reddit all the time?.
Oh no once again the r******d snowflake comments dont surprise me. Anything and everything can be joked about no exceptions if you disagree just kill yourself and make the world a more happy place with less hostility
You are both thd a-hole. I think the father was right. Thid guy was a schmuck but, getting that hostlie damandinv an answer you knew was not coming. You wanted to escalate the siruation anx you succeeded. Son't play innocent now.
First time meeting the family, talking about a heavy topic, some people respond badly. Absolutely he should have made it clear that it was inappropriate and not appreciated, but then just tell the guy "Not cool, you should apologize" and let it go. To drag it out and make it as uncomfortable as possible for everyone, what is the ultimate goal there? Make sure you never see the dude again or if he does stick around, making sure you always feel super uncomfortable at every family function for the rest of time. It was a bad joke made in a stressful atmosphere, it was not him killing your dog. I have had a few bad jokes made at my expense and if it was a one off you state your piece and let it go. Brother and sister both sound like they want to drag out drama and be angry.
Umm did you stop to think about how uncomfortable (and then some) the bf made the brothers wife feel??? Not to mention, someone who is 30 years old should catch on that it is entirely inappropriate and should immediately apologize without prompting.
Load More Replies... That's an ESH if ever I heard one. Sister and her boyfriend were total AH. But OP should have simply explained that his wife was still sensitive about the issue and joking wasn't welcome. Instead, he got really passive aggressive. Some people with differences prefer joking about it over being pitied or helped, and the bf may have known someone like that and assumed she had the same attitude. He was an AH who made a boneheaded mistake, but OP was immature in how he handled it. Everyone Sucks Here, except for the wife who simply left when she felt upset. Now the poor woman has to be confronted by the fallout not only from the rude family, but her husband's pointless manhandling of the situation. ESH. ESH. ESH.
Yeah I'm sure he just "asked" him to explain sounds like he tried starting s**t instead of just telling the guy how insensitive it was. And the crop oh they stopped bringing up out miscarriage.... oh you wanna talk about your baby who couldn't make it more? Seems real positive. Husband and wife sound like attention whores
The SISTER is the one with the need for attention. She is the one who accused the wife of faking cancer because they werent talking about the miscarriage anymore. There is absolutely nothing to indicate that op and his wife want to talk about any of it at all. Sister was also the one to disclose the wife's private medical information while introducing her to the BF. Sister is the one who is the issue and her jerk of a BF.
Load More Replies... Explain to me how there is nothing wrong with a boy who made a joke about a woman who survived breast cancer?
Load More Replies... You don't make jokes about someone with cancer (or any other illness for that matter) unless you're absolutely 100% certain that it'll be funny for them as well. It doesn't matter if you're meeting them for the first time like the bf here or if you've known them forever, serious/deadly illness is nothing to joke about! Being nervous is no excuse for basic decent behaviour.
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