Girlfriend Asks If She’s Wrong To Leave Boyfriend After Learning That He Was Raped, Gets Destroyed With Responses
Young children are incredibly vulnerable to maltreatment. And the terrible experiences stay to haunt them for a very, very long time. So when 20-year-old redditor /u/calinylo00 learned about her boyfriend’s childhood nightmares, she didn’t know how to react. He confessed to her that he was raped as an 11-year-old, and when she took some time to digest this information, she left his apartment. Looking for approval, she asked other reddit users “[Am I the a**hole] for distancing myself from my bf after he admitted he was raped?” To her surprise, she got a unanimous yes. (Facebook cover image: iStock / Sjale)
Image credits: iStock / Marjan_Apostolovic (not the actual photo)
“I’m a 20yo woman currently dating my 24 yo boyfriend of 5 months,” she wrote. “He’s tall, muscular, blonde with blue eyes. He’s also really dominant and works at a startup doing marketing. In general, he’s very smart, funny, yadda yadda you get it. I like him.”
“However, even though our sex life is good he’s been having trouble performing starting a week and a half ago. I thought it was me at first so I asked him and he started to break down a bit before crying. He’s just started seeing a therapist or ‘counselor’ about his childhood.”
“Then he tells me that he was raped as an 11-year-old by his stepbrother, multiple times when he was young. This floored me as up until this point he seemed so macho and sort of like a “tough guy” and nows he’s confessing to being raped by another man while completely being in tears and holding me.”
“I held him back and let him vent but I ended up leaving (we were at his apartment). I completely understand that it’s horrible being a rape victim but honestly, I don’t know if I could see him the same way again. I had this image of him that’s completely shattered and honestly every time I see him text me I just feel weird now.”
“My best friend thinks should try to keep dating him for a bit but I’m really not attracted to him like I was before. We’re not broken up yet but I’m considering it kinda. [Am I the a**hole]?”
Baffled, people tried their best to explain why this whole situation was so, so terrible
“You’re a monster. You’re truly a horrible person and I honestly hope you never find love in your life again. You’re so lucky that you don’t have a single clue on what it’s like to be raped. Your boyfriend, who trusted you enough to show his feelings and confess a secret that’s probably been haunting his dreams and his waking moments for years, is a strong man for living through that. He’s still “macho”. He’s still a “tough guy”. If you see him as a lesser person because of something he couldn’t control, then you make me sick.”
“Rape DESTROYS people. It stays with them, it makes them feel subhuman. How dare you leave a man that honestly deserves so much better than an inhuman psycho like you on his own after he just broke down! He probably feels betrayed and ashamed. Good luck getting him to open up again; you’ve CRUSHED him. You took his heart that he gave to you and crushed it right in front of his goddamn face. Then you just left because boo hoo, he’s somehow “less manly” to your judgmental ass.”
“Shame on you. I’ve witnessed someone have a PTSD episode over someone molesting them. I had to sit there, completely heartbroken and useless, watching her shake and sob and scream, “I CAN FEEL HER TOUCHING ME! SHE’S TOUCHING ME!!” I didn’t want to touch her in case it made it worse. Seeing such a look of pure terror on her face is one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen. At that moment she went through unimaginable torture. She was beaten to a pulp, chewed up, and spit out. She was taken back to that horrible place and tortured.”
“That’s what your boyfriend feels. That’s the kind of torture that he faces. And yet through all of it, he’s able to get up and put a smile on his face. Is that not tough? Is that not macho? I doubt someone as horrible as you could go a day without complaining if you chipped a nail.”
“Shame on you. Shame, shame, shame, shame. shame. You’ve disrespected every man who’s ever been raped. You’ve disrespected every rape victim. You’ve disrespected my friends who’ve been raped. I hate you. Go ahead and leave him. He deserves far, far better.”
“It’s hard enough being a rape victim, let alone a male rape victim. Show him these replies to make him see that it wasn’t his fault. Then apologize and leave. Shame on you. Shame, shame, shame.”
The United States Department of Health and Human Services states that there were 57,329 children were victims of sexual abuse in 2016. The effects of such abuse often present long-lasting mental health challenges. For example, a study of women found out that victims of rape are about 4 times more likely to develop symptoms of drug abuse, about 4 times more likely to experience PTSD, and about 3 times more likely to experience a major depressive episode.
The woman thought she’d make her case stronger by replying to some of the comments, but it got worse with every message
Soon, everyone started sharing their thoughts
Sadly, this proves that there are females who get brainwashed by toxic masculinity as well. I didn't read all the comments above, so sorry if this repeats something already said, but what an awful attitude to have to a man brave enough and feeling safe enough to be able to talk about something so painful. I hope he isn't harmed further by her and continues to recover.
I was 23, a little older than this woman, when a bf confessed he was repeatedly raped by a teenage neighbor as a boy. I felt only complete and utter sympathy, cried tears with him, and feel compassion for him to this day. The only way my feelings changed, was that I loved him more deeply and empathetically. This Reddit writer is a weak, sad sack of a woman. Side note: I dated for 15 more years until I met my husband, and during that time had two additional bfs confess to abuse as children. Perhaps it is not as rare as the Reddit writer believes.
Load More Replies...If anything, my boyfriend opening up to me about something so horrific would make me respect and treasure him even more. That is a terrible thing to go through, let alone talk about for this reason alone! Men have feelings and deserve to be heard too. I hope this guy finds peace without this selfish person in his life.
Yes, I would think he was more "masculine"(I don't really like that word) if he was strong enough to tell me about this!
Load More Replies...One upside about that thing - he's going to better off without her. Pity that's also going to have another traumatic experience like his partner rejecting him because of something that wasn't his fault.
Load More Replies...Rape is bad for everyone! Support victims and punish the bastards. Does remind me of a conversation I had with a woman who was convinced 'men can't be raped' and no one could convince her otherwise. We went round in circles with me repeatedly saying 'have you seen the Shawshank Redemption?!' until she finally got it...
Well done with persisting until she did! Must have been bloody frustrating.
Load More Replies...Anyone else notice that it was also bad that she shared his most traumatic event on SOCIAL MEDIA. For all the world to see, without his consent!
Reddit isn’t social media in the sense that you’re trying to use it. Reddit isn’t like Instagram or Facebook where people are you and know who you are. It’s an anonymous message board, not social media.
Load More Replies...As a 50 year old man that was violated nearly 100 times from 10 to 14 and still dealing with the trauma in certain ways to this day. I'm mortified at this persons complete narcissistic response. I know for a fact without my wife's love, support and compassion I'd be dead. There are millions of men that were raped and subjected to forced copulation by very sick people. Being sexually violated as a child regardless of your gender is severely traumatic and 1/3 of victims never really recover. Pedophillia is evil plain and simple.
I am so sorry this happened to you but really glad you have your wife's support.
Load More Replies...I can deeply relate to this. Being a survivor of childhood sexual molestation i was silent for decades! I was in my late 30's when i learned to speak up about it. These molestations were done by a man to me, when i was just 6-8 of age.
Joachim Rimer, if noone has ever said this to you before, please, let me say it now: I am SO SORRY that this ever happened to you. You did NOT NOT NOT deserve such an experience. They were 100% wrong, and 100% responsible for what happened to you. In solidarity, I stand with you.
Load More Replies...Sexist narcissistic nitwit. This is the kind of woman who thinks it's okay to punch a guy because he's bigger and "it's cute". Her perspective is utterly flawed and thoroughly toxic. Honestly, her very first sentence - the way she described him- was a huge red flag in my mind. I'm sure he's hurting due to her complete and utter lack of compassion, but better that he find out now rather than when further invested in the relationship. I hope he finds somebody to love who can actually care about him.
IKR? Just the first sentence and I knew she never really accepted the man as a person, he was just a sexy macho toy in her eyes! And when he becomes human, with emotions and traumas of his own, BAM no longer attractive to her! Sorry, I am so mad at her... She did not even have to speak about the terrible thing she did after he entrusted her with his very personal trauma, she was clearly a shallow viper even before that. The equivalent of a man who only wants a pretty dumb girl to walk around with, and is shocked if she has Thoughts! I really hope the guy finds somebody who has at least the basic human empathy and values...
Load More Replies...Honestly, he is probably better off without her. She clearly only like the picture of him she created in her own head, not the actual person he is. She doesn't even see what she's done wrong. No matter how many people tell her to be a better girlfriend, she won't be able to, unless she comes to this realization on her own. I'd like to think anyone can change into a better person but I've met too many a*****e people who stay a******s all their lives and never know any better. Hopefully he'll find someone who can be a strong and understanding PARTNER who realizes that both men and women are people with emotions and there's no shame in being hurt or traumatized.
Yes, you are absolutely right he is better off without her but that's probably going to be a hard adjustment for him to make when he trusted her. She isn't the person he thinks she is either, otherwise he wouldn't have felt able to share his painful past. It is difficult for most people to think 'well, that's your problem' in the best of circumstances. I hope he gets all the help he needs and gets better people in his life.
Load More Replies...A*****e is a bit too mild - the British version of arsehole seems a much better epithet.
You mean she's a disgusting, vile creature who would be left to rot in the lowest pit of Hell because not even Satan himself would go near her. The swear words needed in that sentence don't exist yet, so I can't make it as ruthless as it needs to be.
Load More Replies...Weirdly interesting and absolutely awful lesson I just learned here since I just realized how not only men but also women are guilty of spreading toxic masculinity. Yes she's the a*****e, without a doubt! She makes me want to grab her boyfriend and keep him safe from asswipes like her.
That's utter b******t Paul. "Toxic masculinity" isn't something natural or even consistent throughout humanity. Yeah, a certain level of "toughness" was, but only so much that being able to live and take care of yourself and people around you was ideal and especially sought-for in a social group. Neither natural selection, nor many human cultures dictate(d) that "men need to hide their feelings until it kills them" and "men can only be violent and aren't allowed to cry or show affection". In fact, it's harmful and often leads to a man who becomes abusive, which is then someone harmful to the social group through which we survive.
Load More Replies...Happens to men "boys" a lot more than any want to believe... happens to every gender out there. No means no, plain and simple...
Yes! And then people don't think it's serious because it was a boy!!!
Load More Replies...I got sick reading her arguments... How anybody can be so cruel and unempathic to have her partner crying in her arms, being extremly brave, telling her about this and come up with the ideas that she has? I cant believe how we still live in such a sexist society that sees "ok" women as victims (after all 'they are just weak and worthless") and emasculates a man for being raped? Rape is a power strugle, it has nothing to do with sexuality, gender, size etc... I really hope that this is just a troll telling a fake story to get attention...
UHmm, did she not understand that he WAS A CHILD when the rape occurred? He wasn't strong and buff, and manly then, in fact that's' probably what led to him acting extra strong and manly, so he could stop it from ever happening again. She is only concerned with how this is affecting her. SHe lacks empathy and understanding. She is no good for him until she gets therapy herself. Until then she cannot be with this man or she will continue to emotionally hurt him.
Load More Replies...Can't we all agree that rape against any gender, by whoever, at any age is just totally unacceptable?
She's such a b***h, if I had a bf who opened up to me about something like this, I would care for him more. All she cares about is this manly image that she had of him and the moment he displayed a vulnerable and sensitive side, she wants to leave him. It wasn't even his fault and men are people too. Men can have feelings and get hurt and can be weak and there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing. This is so sad for the boyfriend, he deserves so much better. Someone who will hold him through the painful memories and care for him.
@Michal Jaztrzebski I'm a woman. And I care deeply for the men around me all the time.
Load More Replies...This girls makes me so sick. After all, she did right to leave. He deserves a thousand times better than a person that thinks a man who has been raped as a child is less, or doesn´t deserve love. I really hope he finds peace and a person that knows what to be human means.
But then again - if she had stayed, feeling the way she now does about him, but not telling him. Thats worse in my eyes.
Load More Replies...This guy opened up to you and you pay him back by ignorance,selfishness and stupidity! Real men cry...real men have feelings. For those who find these gems, keep them close and safe because they are a rare find these days! He deserves better than you!
Homophobia is what's at the heart of this and you'd think she'd just admit it, she's already so far gone, why not?? F**k her. >:o| I hope that guy dumped her and found someone capable of empathy, and I really, really hope this experience didn't cause him to bury it back up and stop working on it / talking about it.
homophobia, rape culture, blaming the victim, toxic masculinity--she embodies it all
Load More Replies...Let me guess, she's one of thoose people that call themselves advocates for gender equality, but at the same time thinks that a man needs to make more money than her, would never help her partner out with money and would find him unattractive if he is unemployed, wants him to pay the bill when they go out, thinks he needs to be taller than her etc? Let's pray for that she doesn't contribute to the future genpool.
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Load More Replies...This OP is such a worthless piece of human waste, that the guy that raped her boyfriend deserves better than HER.
To be fair, both her and the rapist are pretty equally awful people.
Load More Replies...this is why men don't cry, because of people like you. hey YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM he is so why the woe is me, get a life see a counselor you are not the badly done by one . gee what a drama queen or is it the attention you want , whatever it is get into the real world , hurts and pains are wih us all males and females are you really that dumb or is this a way to get attention,
He was raped at 11, but My iMagE haS beEn shAttErEd and ThaTs sooo Much worse!
Hope you don't mind my mentioning this but I know a couple of people who are partially sighted and they are really struggling to read sentences where there are random or alternative caps. Even my dyslexic husband finds it harder as it makes the 'jumping all over the screen' worse. Sorry - don't want to complain but if no-one ever says anything, nothing changes. Ta.
Load More Replies...God, this is...this is horrible! Imagine how much he cared for her that he had the courage to open up like that. And this s****y woman-child just runs away scared. Imagine how little she cared about him to be able to speak like that. F***!! Seriously, she only cared about his looks, and nothing else. He dodged a bullet, and I hope they don't get back together!! Selfish little b***h!
Don't insult children by comparing this piece of rubbish with them. Her behaviour was not childish, but ruthless and totally selfish.
Load More Replies...We have a bot situation on the forum. Don't feed into it with anger. Scroll on people, scroll on.
Hard to do when there are some people literally laughing about a boy getting raped. It's vile.
Load More Replies...IMHO, he is MORE of a MAN for his honesty. My husband and I BOTH had traumatic childhood experiences, eons before we met, of course. Shared it once; cleared the air. ONE AND DONE. Neither of us is worse for wear......we've been married 20 plus years, and our skeletons are shared; closets are empty, and WE LOVE DEEPLY, SIMPLY, WHOLEHEARTEDLY. (He's always the manliest man, to me.)
Can i ask you when you guys shared that with each other? Like was it during the dating period or more so when you became serious? I'm only asking because I mistakenly told guys (during the dating period) about my past rapes and I got different responses. One said that I "let it happen" (no you a**hole, but watch this block happen), another stopped all communication with me and I never heard back from him, and the one who became an ex (don't even ask, idk what I was thinking) said something like "this is scary because if we have sex, I dont want you accusing me of rape." Wtf?! So I'm happy and thankful that you and your husband were super understanding about things in your past that were out of your control. It give me hope that my future husband will be understanding when I share my stories with him.
Load More Replies...My partner opened up about the fact that he had been raped by a woman. My reaction was to listen, and then affirm that he is still a man. The next step after that was to ask if anything I did was a trigger to him so I could avoid that until he was ready for me to do it. THAT is how you respond to being told that a man was raped. I would never leave him over it, would never ever consider leaving him over it.
Today I'm ashamed of my gender, what a monstrous, soulless creature!? That guy deserves better and I hope he gets it... Wtf is wrong with people!?
I agree. I want to hug him and apologise for being female purely because of her. I must admit I didn't write that, I deleted it as I thought there would be backlash, but hey, f**k it. I've edited and written again. You've been brave enough to and I'll be brave enough to stand with u and agree ❤
Load More Replies...I hate how she attempts to back peddle. He deserves so much more. Someone who wouldn't ridicule him. He needs love and acceptance. Not her toxic c**p no matter how she tries to word it
Very sad. I get so angry when i hear "men can't be raped". Yes, men of all ages can be raped. Just like women, it is no fault of the victim. Im curious about her family. Was her dad very masculine & abusive? This girl obviously is more concerned with her feelings about the situation. The boyfriend needs to just let her go. Shes obviously callous. She will never find true love. Shes a selfish ignorant person who is incapable of sympathy towards others. It doesn't make him any less masculine.
I hope they broke up but she looks stupid enough to tell him she is leaving him because he was raped and that would probably make him hide it longer from his next better girlfriend who could help him.
What a monster. I hope someday she learns. I also hope she left him and he found someone who loves him, not some fake Ken-Doll Imaginary Image like the image she enjoyed screwing but couldn't see as a human being in pain.
Not sure how contentious this will be. I have absolute sympathy for him. But I disagree with her decision to tackle this through social media as much as I disagree with her perspective. I'm all for society being more open about some of the challenges we face, but this is NOT the right way to go about it. I'm assuming there will be threads about the same incident on every other platform - twitter, facebook, you name it. And I think that's utterly disgusting. This poor man has had a personal trauma exposed on the WORLD WIDE WEB through no fault of his own and now everyone on the planet seems to have a right to an opinion. I'm not passing comment on the incident itself ... I'm passing comment on the fact that this should never have hit Bored Panda in the first place. It's callous and disrespectful to the victim, as much as people are siding with him.
It's not contentious - mentioned further up. It's also not right that it's gone public though maybe she had no one to talk to (not that I care that much about her) and maybe, just maybe, she kept the details different enough to respect his privacy, though I doubt it. We all saw the headline though and then went to read the main article. Are we being hypocritical? Concered that it went public but still reading it? Just asking, not judging.
Load More Replies...When she claimed to advocate for rape victims... Wow. What a lie. Just.. Epic lie. May he find healing... far away from that toxic cauldron of self-obsession.
I hope he saw her for her true colors after she left him in that vulnerable state. SO sad.
This is almost bad enough to be a troll’s post! She sounds homophobic. The thought of male penetration disgusts, viewing the victim as tainted. She doesn’t deserve her bf. 2. .Minimalizing the impact of male rape due to frequency shows ignorance and narrow-mindedness. Rape, no matter the victims’ gender is devastating. Male rape can do greater damage to the psyche. The cultural idea of men as strong & unemotional, the warrior. A ‘macho’, alpha male image men try to live up to. To show emotion is weakness. While women can usually rely on female friends to share her grief, hurt, and loss, men don’t have such openness with other men. They internalize the damage, not getting the comfort & support of Hagen Das, hugs, sharing grief. It doesn’t change a masculinity but to the man it often does. Her bf gave her his trust, allowing her to see vulnerability and she showed him what a flawed, compassionless girl she is. She doesn’t deserve him. Every man should be as strong & brave as him.
HOW COULD SHE NOT VIEW HIM AS MANLY BECAUSE HE COULDN’T FIGHT OFF AN OLDER MAN?! WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE THIS STUPID GIRL EVEN EXIST?!
I'm speachless. I was abused as a child, taken advantage of by an ex after yelling him no, then straight up raped when I was homeless and needed a place to stay. Just because I went through all of that doesn't mean I am not strong. The fact I am alive and I am happily married and have a baby means I'm strong. My partner never treats me like I am weak for breaking down or becoming depressed because of everything I went through. I lost my family because of what happened to me as a child. I lost a new family after my ex's family told me we didn't have to be together for us to be family because of what happened with my ex. Instead my partner holds me while I'm crying and let's me know he is there for me and that everything is better now. That woman is a complete b***h and to be honest I would not feel bad for her at all if that happened to her to. That isn't to say I hope it happens I never want anyone to be raped no matter what kind of person they are.
I got grabbed at when I was a kid and I know I'm not strong.
Load More Replies...She is immature and selfish. Some people can't handle serious stuff. Hopefully she will learn that in a relationship two people support each other, and men have feelings and emotions just like women. The stereotype of 'macho men' never crying is unrealistic and toxic.
Another thing nobody else has pointed out is, this woman posted on the internet about her boyfriend and HIS past. She had no right to talk about this to ANYONE because this is obviously something personal that he might not want her to share. It's incredibly sickening that she has chosen to share this secret that still haunts him on the internet for many people to see. It must have been mortifying to share this with you let alone thousands of people on the internet. And no this not me saying that he should suck it up and not tell anyone, this is me saying he should be allowed to tell whoever HE wants not have his girlfriend tell whoever SHE wants. This is HIS past, imagine him waking up one day and seeing THIS. Sure lots of people look like him but are there really a bunch of duplicates of him who were raped at 11 years old by their stepbrother? Not to mention this was posted near when he told her?
plus who else has she blabbed to out side of the internet that poor guy so so sad
Load More Replies...this is the most disgusting thing iv'e ever read. how can some one be so cruel and heartless, the boyfriend bares his broken soul and instead of picking up the pieces to put them back together, she take a sledge hammer and renders his soul beyond repair.
Considering the type of person she is he is better off without her. He needs support and understanding not this c**p. With her gone he can find someone who truly loves him.
Okay everyone, there has been a bit of a situation down in the comments section with people posting incredibly sexist and rude things targeted towards males. People have been so stunned so they've been hypothesizing whether they're bots or trolls. Well, they're not. It's all one person under multiple accounts. Just letting you know. It's really sad that even one person thinks like this, but at least we can take solace in the fact that no, it really wasn't multiple people. Many people, even female rape victims have spoken out against this woman, but she just doesn't get it. She thinks men can't be raped. Letting everyone know that don't waste your time. If you see a comment talking bs, it's her. Just ignore her.
I've been outspoken about male victims and female perpetration for decades and, whilst it may only be one individual in this instance, I'm seeing nothing I haven't seen countless times previously.
Load More Replies...@alex bailey Thanks for pointing out her wording. Shows her immature idea of masculinity taken from romance novels. A total fairytale image of men. Sleeping Beauty’s prince. Most mature women want a man who can be open with his feelings. They want to be confided in & be the one to help him heal, share their burdens as a couple. (There would be less infidelity and divorce if men felt comfortable allowing their partner to see their vulnerability and openly communicate. It’s girls like this that perpetuate the stereotype of masculinity and create emotionally closed men. (I am mother of a son I watched spit out a tooth on the hockey bench, lie unconscious on the ice - thanking me for ‘no drama’, told me ‘just follow the ambulance’ if injured badly & whose friends told him “Chicks dig scars” over a bloody face cut. He was 8 to 12 yrs old then. Already internalizing the myth.
This gal is not yet emotionally mature. Perhaps, she will become open to learning and growing now that she must see her feelings are so far away from the norm. We all come with baggage. We have a choice to toss it or help lighten its load... whether the baggage is ours or the other person's. I sincerely hope this person has not sacrificed her ex boyfriend's anonymity while she sits on her own pity pot and complains. And I pray she's not a psychology major. More importantly, I hope this guy finds the tools to help himself.
Why did he cry? I though men were ok with rape. I guess it's just when it happens to them that's when it actually matters.
Listen b***h it doesn't matter if you didn't say 'all men', because in your original comment, you said 'men'. That implies everyone in this whole f*****g planet who is male. You thought men were okay with rape? LOL, how often have you actually heard of male rape? Male rape goes more unreported than with women because of the pressures put on them because of society. No, when it happens to them, they believe it DOESN'T matter, because they have to be strong and masculine. And you're you're basically saying that male rape victims themselves are okay with female rape and have no right to complain. You're an a*****e. Go to hell
Load More Replies...I just want to hold him as both a child and an adult. Heartbreaking. Maybe the hopefully ex girlfriend should hook up with the rapist. They deserve each other. They could push each other off a cliff.
So all you who are quick to judge are denying her her feelings? What is she supposed to do? Is it her fault she feels this way which is probably going to change after she accepts what happened? None of you, absolutely none of you have met her and yet you are quick to judge and throw her to the dogs. Your outrage is misplaced and unfair. You have no idea who she really is or why she feels the way she does.
I'm happy I've never met such a piece of s**t. Honestly, I don't care why she feels that way or who she really is. I only hope one day somebody she trusts betrays her as deeply as she betrayed the person she said she loved. Perhaps after that she will stop being a self-centred narcissist and become human. She doesn't have "to accept what hsppened". Nothing happened to her. She didn't feel the pain or the shame. She only needed to show a tiny bit of empathy. But she chose to be a selfish arsehole. Afterwards, she decided to fish for support in a social media, in an attempt to find a justification to her behaviour. She's a horrible person.
Load More Replies...I am appalled by this woman! Absolutely appalled! I'm so appalled that I'm speechless. What this woman wrote is absolutely the most repulsive thing I've ever read! The amount of ignorance is beyond help here. She's a lost cause. Not only she doesn't admit that she's wrong but she also tries to defend her actions. Sounds like she just need the attention from people so she just goes and stir up some more attention. This girl is unbelievable! I really do feel bad for that guy who was her "boyfriend" or "boy toy" (at least that's what it seems like he is to her from the cold way she describes him). To that poor guy: You're very lucky that she dumped you. (I mean who knows what she will do if she hadn't dumped this poor guy!) You don't need lost causes like her! There's plenty of good ladies out there and I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that you will find one that will truly understand your situation and accept (and support) you.
So this guy trusts her enough to share something so horrendous that happened to him. Not only does she leave him...he probably feels even worse than ever, but instead of taking the time to actually help him get through this, she goes on effing social media and to her friend to ask if she's a s****y person. This guy is probably so messed up by this, that he will never be able trust anyone enough in order to get the help he needs. People are such rubbish sometimes!
Geez well what if it was you who got raped would u want him to use that against you?? Trrrible human being u should be ashamed
Wow... Just wow! What a piece of garbage she is! Rape is traumatizing no matter what! But, it is people like her who make it hard for males to come forward and speak against their assailant, or just speak about it at all. I am praying this man finds a loving kind girlfriend and this girl grows up and feels awful every day for treating him this way.
I am so disturbed by this post that this got public. As a woman I am ashamed that she is part of what I am. And what was she expecting, getting moral support to me the worst person ever? Did she even thinked twice if the tables are turned, since that is the comon case. How could she? How could you do this to somebody who you love, or ever loved (or in this case probably never loved). It is Like aditional trauma that he will go trough. How can you trust people Like that. I wish him all the best, to heal from the trauma and find somebody who will love him. And for her, I just hope no one dates her, so the world would be spared from that kind of preson. I only hope that after all this she publicly displayed she is not with him, just cause a lot of people don't Like her. That boy doesn't deserve to have that as a girlfriend.
I think the key reassuring factor here is that she is clearly NOT a woman. She's a naive, immature, sheltered and highly inconsiderate little girl. Her biological age may be twenty, but her emotional age is about a ten.
Load More Replies...Oh my, I couldn't read past the "many of my closest friends are rape victims" sentence. I mean WTF, I have no words, hope that man finds someone who truly loves him and deserves him.
Hmm. She might be s****y, yeah. But I can't help but look into the bigger picture/ my own perspective... Trust me... When I've "opened up" to people (men, I am a woman) about how I've got abused as a kiddo... They simply used it against me. 9 out of 10 times. Cause they knew how freaking terrified I was of getting into that paralyzing situation when I can't move, talk, or scream.... when people get violent during sex. If you've experienced sexual abuse during a long period, especially as a child this is a survivor-mode. Sure, everybody doesn't know it. But it hurts, as f**k, when you open up and people use it against you... I'd this b***h just leaving me alone instead of being stupid and judgemental. Stay strong....
I'm so sorry. I hope you have people you can trust to support you. If it helps at all, I know that nothing that happened to you was ever your fault, and everyone on this post knows that too.
Load More Replies...I don't get her reaction, I also don't get why she thinks she has the right to share his very personal story online.
Wow, what type of person she must be. She is going to get what she deserves from all of these posts berating her. He trusted her to tell her his darkest secret and she is not strong enough to be there to help support him. Rape is not just a woman issue.
And she then put his darkest secret online for the world to talk about. smh
Load More Replies...I saw this yesterday and it SO disappointing that the threat was already closed. If I were her I would be crushed but I would love my boyfriend harder and be as supportive as possible, as I know he would do if it were me.
I wish I thought...no, wait, I wish I knew this was exceptional. It is NOT. It is more common than most would like to believe. I've spent nearly thirty years working with victims of abuse, including sexual violence. I can tell you many people do respond to victims of rape and sexual violence exactly how this woman reacted. They assume a man who is raped is somehow less of a man. That a woman who is raped is somehow a tramp, whore and less of a "real" woman. They then respond by withdrawing and, in some cases, even treating the victim as deserving of further violence. When you consider the stats (US stats) of 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys being victims of sexual violence before age 18...yeah, not so rare. This woman needs an education and some real soul work. Her former BF is much better off without her.
This chick f*****g disgusts me. You dare say you love someone and then immediately smash his heart against the wall the moment he opens up to you about something traumatic because it doesn't fit your "image" of him. Guess what princess; people are more than just whatever image YOU have painted of them! I can never, I mean NEVER imagine doing something like this to my sweet, strong, amazing man. Whatever traumas a person has in their past, they're still the same person after telling you as they were before. And opening up like that is a sign of trust. And she literally just took that trust and smashed it on the ground. DISGUSTING, JUDGMENTAL SKANK!! I hope she NEVER finds true love. She doesn't deserve it.
That poor man. He has all my sympathy, empathy and wishes for him to find a REAL partner who won't be so callous and cruel to him. What the hell is wrong with that woman???
To be honest, I deduce that she is probably not a very intelligent person. God only knows what he found attractive about her.. maybe it was a relationship based on looks. Somehow he must have felt he could trust her, and what an awful shock it musty have been. Why could he not pick up on her shallow unintelligent character? Perhaps he has never opened up before and did not realise how carefully he had to choose the people he trusted this with. I really hope he can rise up from this experience. She definitely strikes me as very slow, brain wise. Even after people have pointed out why it was a bad reaction to him, she doesn't get it at all. stats show that there are many sociopaths within our society, obviously in varying degrees of sociopathy. She seems to have a part of compassion and empathy missing from her and seems unaware.
If you're looking for a macho male rape victim, consider David Holthouse. He was raped when he was 8, at swordpoint, by the teenage son of family friends ('Hey, wanna see my karate stuff?') For the rest of his life he planned to execute this guy. One day he found out where the guy was living and bought an untraceable handgun. He told no one -- for twenty five years -- until one day he says to me, "I'm going to shoot him in the balls, make sure he knows it's me then shoot him in the head." His rapist's new partner had kids. But the mac is mightier than the laptop. He confronted his rapist and wrote a devastating article about it, which was later turned into a play (and an episode of This American Life). Anyone who thinks David Holthouse is less manly because of being raped at age 8 either has extremely low emotional intelligence (ask somebody) or is a truly ghastly person (get help). https://www.westword.com/news/stalking-the-bogeyman-5079302
Your statment makes you sound like a ignorant jackass. Rape victims either male or female didnt ever deserve to be violated nor judged. Repulsive people that judge other people lifes and tragedies are pathetic.
She has successfully caused another trauma in his life for posting this. He may never open up to another woman again, or may continue to have sexual difficulties even more so now that she exposed him to the world. I hope he doesn't see this, but if he does, I hope he focuses on the support from the commenters and not this heartless woman exposing his deepest darkest secret. God's not sleeping. She will get hers for hurting someone who put his trust in her, when she was in it for shallow reasons - looks, money, and social status.
I think, first, the stepbrother, needdso be arrested! Prosecuted and jailed! That. Girl is so insensitive, and needs to go away. Her ex boyfriend, needs to see a counselor and get the help he never did from. His family! That stepbrother, May have raped many more young boys!
No, the first thing to do is to make sure that her boyfriend, the victim, is emotionally and psycologically ready to withstand a trial. It's no picnic, for me it took nearly 30 years before I was ready and the man that molested me was already dead by then. If someone had forced me to take part in a trial, I would probably have committed suicide.
Load More Replies...Wow I can not believe some of these comments! Not that age matters when it comes to rape, but he was a child. What is wrong with you disgusting air bags. I can't justify calling you human beings because you obviously have no humanity. Rape is rape. Man or woman, old or young, it doesn't matter. As a rape survivor, I would never wish the experience on anyone. The only people that would say they have no sympathy for someone that has gone through it would be a derranged psychopath and has not gone through such a horrible experience. Even if you hated adult men, to not have some compassion for a child just shows there's something mentally wrong with you.
Saying that a man is less manly for being raped is like saying a woman is a s**t for being raped
The important thing about his rape is her feelings of course...... stupid twat
I am so glad that there are no comments here defending her. I was partly afraid to come to the comments because of that.
LOL. Men don't give a s**t when they rape women, but when they get raped they want our sympathies? Not so "macho" now are you?
i had to make an account in order to make this comment. how f*****g pathetic do you have to be to make fun of male rape victims, you f*****g sociopath. what the hell is wrong with you?
Load More Replies...I don't know much about her, but She maybe can't cope with his trauma. Of course leaving him is cold thing to do, she could go with him to specialist, maybe to his therapist to talk it out.
She's an idiot. Period. He trusted the wrong person and may never do it again. She might as well have given his name, as people know his job, personality, age, family structure, etc.
Sure she is the a*****e here but she is reflective of her own actions/feelings and obviously realizes there is something wrong with her way of thinking, and that there is some disparity between the way she feels and the way it should be. Otherwise, she wouldn't have posted this to Reddit at all. Showing her the error of her thinking(which was probably just imbued in her by some bad parenting/society) was the correct thing to do but I REALLY don't agree with calling her all sorts of bad names, cursing her to never have love again, and shaming her down to the earth like that first guy did. He's more of an a*****e than the girlfriend who was clearly conflicted and confused with her own wrong ideas imho
It simply broke my heart. I hope the guy would soon find someone who takes him as he is no matter what.
She is seeing the man before her raped. The muscled strong man not a week unmuscled not of 11. She is not separating the two in her mind. She is an awful woman that has no feelings for others.
So the post was locked by Mods as "Judgement has been rendered..." She is obviously an S Class a*****e and may god have mercy on her soul...or not cause, what an a*****e. Capture-5c...d10c8c.jpg
Sad. If my GF admitted something like this to me, I would want to love her more.
So sad. Don't matter what you said to her, her selfish ignorant head won't admit that she is horrible person by judging someone's past bad experience to lower his value as a human being. Macho? Masculine? No! I prefer a man who is gentle, sensitive, and sympatic. And this girl? Nobody would appreciate her or be sympathy to her if she ever has one bad experience. Do you think life only be as smooth as you wish and always on top? Ugh, sadly no. In order to life, you would always constantly being tested out. What does she do when everybody start mocking her and ignored her for her bad exprience/flaw/selfishness/etc? Not so good ain't it?
To be fair multicellular organisms are too good for her
Load More Replies...OMFG! What a c**t!!!!!!! That poor bloke, I just want to give him a hug, apologise for even being a female at this point because of her and promise him he'll find someone sooooo much better then this....thing! Oh I'm mad! Read the whole thing with my mouth hanging open! F*****g ankle! (2-3ft lower then a c**t, lowest of the low)
I truly think this woman should stay far , far away from this man because he needs someone who understands and will support him and not make him feel more horrible and in pain than he already does. If I was his girlfriend I would stop at nothing to help this man and get him the help and the justice that he needs. That’s a real loving, caring woman. Seems like she has a heart of stone.
She should stay away from everyone, man woman child and animal. She has no empathy or compassion and isn't capable of loving anyone or anything the way they need and deserve
Load More Replies...If she can ask that question she needs to leave. Because he deserves someone so much better than her. She is not worthy of him.
She should absolutely leave him because he deserves so, so much better.
Wow...just...wow. Hopefully the guy is smart enough to dump that selfish and shallow child
This woman makes me sick. If this happened to one of my friends, I would do everything in my power to help them. I would not leave them; this woman has no heart.
He is much better off without her, but it's so awful that he will suffer again because of her cruelty. Studies about how many men are raped are inconclusive because men don't report for precisely this reason. I've heard 1 in 8 men and 1 in 5.
I think that’s for all sexual assaults, not just rape. The statistics for just rape probably aren’t that high even for women, although they are still really bad for all genders.
Load More Replies...I simply don't have the strength after the last 18 months (or longer) 2 properly respond 2 this ridiculous diatribe of pure crap....please, for the sake of mankind (& I say this with love) break up with this guy & let him find a decent human. You however, said with love again, should find a forest, build a shack (kinda like the TV show Naked & Afraid) & hope a wild puma doesn't smell your insanely & unbelievably selfish crap! & I'm aware of my grammar & misspellings etc....but for the Love of God who actually thinks this?!?! I'm also sure that you wrote this without thinking or after a night of extreme drug use that clouded any human sensibilities you may (or may not) have?!?! & Yes, apparently I did have the energy after the last few years....
This chick is a piece of work. Her date confides in her something extremely traumatizing that happened to him as a child (something he did not deserve, ask for or could control) and her first thought is that he's less of a man?! What in the actual eff!! Sir, leave her so you can flourish. I remember when I told an ex that I didn't want to go to a hotel because I had once been raped there. He said "omg you're still not over that??" But he had been the one who had raped me! And then I was telling another ex about being a rape survivor. This dumbass said "that's scary. When we have sex I don't want you to accuse me of rape." WTF?! So now I know to never open up to morons and idiots.
My husband is a "macho", manly man. I have seen him cry. I have seen him break down emotionally. I have seen him at his weakest. My opinion of him has not changed. I still think of him as manly and strong. Men have emotions too. Men have break downs too. My greatest concern for this girls boyfriend is that this experience will devastate him. He finally opened up to someone he thought he could trust and she judged him. How will he ever feel safe opening up to anyone ever again?
So reading this article made me realise something similar happened to me. I was sexually assaulted by a man while I was studying abroad, when I wanted the support from my long distance boyfriend, he actually thought it was my fault that I was raped and he completely ignored me. He then proceeded to break up with me because of the incident and I was seen as a different person to him. But now I can happily say that we are not in contact anymore and im better off without him.
I've stopped reading after her second reply... I just couldn't stomach so much ignorance. I hope her poor and brave boyfriend is by now her ex-boyfriend, and that he'll find someone who's more supportive girlfriend... and even more important, that he'll find his way in life despite his bad experiences (I know this sentence doesn't even start to cover the pain and sadness, but I've got no better way of saying it). I'm sorry but I'm still fuming.
I... don´t even know where to begin with this lady... Why does everyone have to fit the mold that society has given us. You can´t be too fat, you cannot be too skinny, you cannot be too short or tall. Why the f**k does it matter if you aren´t what society wants you to be?
Yes. You are an incredible, narcissistic, judging, insensitive a*s.
Okay lets put it like this. Im a f*****g transgender (female to male) 12 year old. I was raped by my older brother who is 17 since i was about 9. I am pregnant now cause of that little s**t. He got sent to his dads btw where he will get spoiled and get given whatever he wants. As i have to sit through this pain. I prefer going by he/him pronunciations so i am counted as a guy from how i see it. Does it make me f*****g weak that i was raped by my brother as he’s practically congratulated on doing it and i have to sit here, give birth to this demon of my own BROTHER. So me as a technical male, being raped, does that make me weak?
Let’s break it down shall we? In truth, on average, three out of every ten children are molested. Of course, it could be more but this is the actual reported average. So what do think the percentage is of people who the molesting are? Since your so disturbed, perhaps you should live off grid, alone. Stay completely away from people becauseat least 1/3 of the people you interact with were molested as children. Add the adult rate ratio and who know, you might be right in the middle of victim hell. They might accidentally brush up against you. I’m thinking Antarctica looks good for your new home.
I can't believe what I just read!!!! You have absolutely no idea how unbelievably brave your boyfriend is to tell you of one of the worst experiences he has and probably will ever go to. Rape and sexual abuse can tear you apart no matter what age or gender you are. At such a young age your boyfriend had his innocence stripped from him. He lost his childhood and no matter how many years he has spent burying it he was going to have it eventually. He is such a strong person for facing these traumatic events. Sometimes when something like this happens we can do everything to block these things out. We can be seen to be really tough or really bubbly, it's how we cope. What you have just done is unbelievably selfish! This time is going to be really tough on him and he certainly deserves better than you. He will experience a lot of downs during this and realise there is a lot more traumatic events he has blocked. There will be times where he will want to be alone, to be held, to break and times when he can have a good day. I get that you don't want to deal with that, then walk away! He is 1000 times better off without your lack of support, empathy and understanding. I can't imagine how he would feel if he realised you took something so private and dark to him and shared this with the world.
Someday when she is no longer young, pretty, and thin her future husband will leave her because she doesn't fit his definition of what a woman should be.
My heart hurts thinking about this poor man sharing such a painful experience only to be treated like garbage. Whatever this bish thinks, he's courageous for sharing and should be proud of himself for doing so. I hope he finds his soulmate and lives happily ever after.
This woman obviously needed something to put her self out there like that. There is something deeper at play, is say. I wonder if she has a past sexual trauma not yet recalled? Real men get help!
She needs therapy nearly as much as the poor guy. WTF kind of girlfriend looks down on someone they "love" for opening up like he did to her.
OMG, I want to seriously slap her. I was sexually abused for years and know exactly what it does to your psyche, your emotional well being, your image of your body and worse, your brain chemistry. I know how hard it is to forever struggle with sex, intimacy and your body, with insomnia, PTSD and in my case, Fibromyalgia. I would have held him and told him that it's OK and that he will never ever have to feel unsafe again. I remember having a boyfriend who did what she did. After he found out that I was sexually abused, he couldn't have sex with me anymore. I've dealt with the aftermath of my abuse and the inability to truly love myself and my body for so many years. It's really sad that he had to go through this. Therapy, especially CBT, helps a ton and will also help him make better choices with future partners. I hope he finds a girl that loves him and adores him and is not a c** like her.
I've been married for 17 years, and with my Wife for 20 years in total. I've never told her that when i was 8, I was raped by one of my Mom's boyfriends for a few months. I've never told her. It's stories like this that make me realize that is the best decision. All the things that are being said about rape victims are completely true. You feel shame, fear of men, (I sometimes flinch when a random man makes the same arm gestures or says something similar to what my attacker used to say), when I get stressed in life, I have nightmares about it, when my Wife asks if I'm ok, I tell her it's a bad dream about the time I spent in the military as a young man. I love my Wife more than I have anyone else, and she is the closest person I have in my life, but this proves why I would never tell her. This guy is a trooper for admitting it, and this Woman is a heartless monster for judging him for it. Hopefully he's moved on to someone that will listen, and love him for the person he is
I feel she's a sociopathic little witch whose sense of empathy has never developed beyond the infant stage. She still lacks the maturity and selflessness required to be in a two-way relationship with another human being, and at twenty years old, I am doubtful those are two traits she will ever gain.
To quote Shakespeare : “Love is not love which alters it when alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove: O no! It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken...."
Wow, I shouldn’t have read this. The absolute anger I feel toward this hollow husk of a woman . She will die a very old lonely woman.
I wonder if she would feel the same way if he had been beaten by a stepfather or something when he was little? (I know the trauma isn't the same, but I wonder if it's about her hating the idea of him being in a "gay" situation or if the idea of him being a "victim" in any way would still make her back off) As a survivor of sexual assault, I really feel for this poor man. And for fear of seeming "weak" my other half didn't talk to me about the abuses he suffered at the hands of in-laws, neighbors, etc for years and there was nothing sexual in what happened to him. I just saw him as stronger for still being able to love and trust after what he went through, and everyone who has suffered any kind of abuse deserves that consideration. She needs to grow a heart, because her response is sickening and an example of why our culture is so damaging to men as well as women, just in different ways.
This whole thing makes me sad because my cousin (male) was a victim of domestic abuse. HE was beaten up constantly by his wife and he never fought back for many reasons but outside of the family no one believed him because he was a man and was bigger than her.... sadly he was murdered in 1997 and there is a lot of belief that she had something to do with it as he was found beaten to death in his bed...they still haven't arrested anyone unfortunately... I feel for the boyfriend of this post.
For anyone to leave a partner when said partner is at his/her lowest point is despairingly low - like tossing out "damaged goods". I have never come across a person who does not have any flaws.
It's amazing how she keeps repeating the same thing over and over again... "Wouldnt hearing that your boyfriend was penetrated by another man and seeing him cry excessively change your view of him when hes acting completely opposite?" Yes.. yes it would... I would stop looking at him as this nice, hot guy I sleep withand look at him WITH MUCH MORE RESPECT!!!! It would blow my f*****g mind that he went through that horror and still was a sane, functioning person!!! I'd see his vulnerability and my heart would just break for him and I would hold him close and tell him that he doesn't have to pretend to be strong anymore... I'd be his strength. I'd help him build himself from scratch if he wants. I'd be there for him... and I'd turn into a damned fanged monster if anyone so much as thought of hurting him ever again!!! He is a real man for a real woman... a shallow whimper of a person such as yourself doesn't deserve him... so get out of the way and let a real woman take over!!!
I wanted to throwup everytime she started to defend herself. Too disgusting to even think about leaving someone on his situation. I can't differ gender when a rape happens. To see a person be this self centered and selfish is just beyond me. I just wanna cry here, but I also want to punch her in the face and i've never been violent like this before.
That she started describing him by his physique says it all. Pure narcissistic banality much in the vein of the sexist dudes of yore. When feminism aimed to emotional equality, we all hoped for the best: more sensitive men and a society less trivial and pressing on looks. Unfortunately, we got the easy way round: women act like men now, and not the best part of it.
Yeah, she should break up with him. He deserves someone better.
I truly hope he finds his way to peace and happiness. And even if there isn't someone better in his life immediately, living single would still be healthier than having that waste-of-flesh b***h in his life.
I didn't read all the comments / exchange of thoughts about the above situation but one thing for sure for me, the guy is so courageous to tell his most horrible secret to her. It means that she trusted her so much. Hence, he don't deserved to be treated like that. He needs someone who will understand him. Being raped is very traumatic to a person. So whoever that guy is, be strong coz the person who will really understand and love you will yet to come. For the girl, don't stay with him, he DON'T DESERVE YOU!!!!
i honestly think really poorly about her,In my opinion,she would be doing everybody a favor if she breaks up with him.I cant understand how she suddenly finds him less''macho''just becaus he was stronger than she would ever be.
Yes absolutely leave him as soon as possible because he deserves a kind, caring, compassionate person to love him COMPLETELY, not some insane c**t who is so wrapped up in being sexually attracted to his superficial "masculine" qualities that shes incapable of loving him fully. She did him a favor by leaving, better to know she's a horrible person sooner rather than later.
I sure jump on the Yes wagon here. She sounds like a self centered ignorant kid with very little empathy if any and it might hurt but he is better off without her.
self centered ignorant person with no empathy ... He is much better off without her.
Everybody seems to want to heavily criticize this woman because she was shocked at the news that her boyfriend was raped and she reacted emotionally. I suggest that we all give her time to assess the situation rationally and decide whether to keep her relationship active.
This girl is extremely immature, and I hope that guy find a more mature girl that actually understand this, and can deal with it normally.
So men don't get to have feelings? Or have traumatic experiences that effect their lives, and express to the ones they care about? .....i hope this woman finds her jonny bravo in the end, but I sure hope she leave this guy to find the right girl for him
You have an article about toxic masculinity. Here you go - this article is about toxic femininity. Perfect balance.
Toxic masculinity doesn't mean toxic men, anymore than toxic femininity means toxic women. Toxic masculinity is a culture where men aren't considered 'proper men' if they cry or show strong emotions other than ones like anger. It's where we are taught that being manly is being dominant and tough and that these things matter over and above mental health. This women is someone who believes the toxic masculinity messages to such an extent that she's let them colour how she views this man.
Load More Replies...My heart goes to all, children, men or women that have been raped, At any age, each situation is different, but the horror is the same, the trauma lived afterwards, would be indescribable !!!
All the comments of so called people, basically saying that men deserve it etc he wasnt a man he was a little boy. So do you think it's ok for it to happens to little boys? Because it happens to girls? Because rape isn't ok, no matter the stats. Nobody deserves it, whether age, sex or colour, its WRONG
He was 11 years old when raped . He is trying to heal, but this person's reaction will set him back. He will take a longer time to trust the next women in his life. Best thing for him is for her to be gone from his life. He needs to go to an assault counselor. He needs understanding.
I know it's somewhat cruel, but I really hope this thread reaches him and he dumps her, he'll be so much better without this other baggage (can't call her second as I know that the suffering only grows and accumulate over time)
Its obvious that she only dated him for his looks. Once something came up that was deeper than her superficial feelings, she freaked and ran. He was looking for a meaningful relationship. She is too vacuous to be in one. He is better off knowing now that's who she really is before going any further. You need a real woman, not a Barbie Doll!
If she can't handle the fact that there's more to someone than her twisted idea of what a man should be, then she deserves any future 'disappointment' coming her way. The way she reacted was not out of love. At all. Seems like she cares more about social status and an Instagram-like life than about those she should be there for. Wake up, at the end of the day we are all human and we all have issues, some more harrowing and heart-wrenching than others. Everyone has issues, minor, major. She just seems unable to understand his pain and overlooks the fact it took guts for him to open up to her.
It is ok to feel bufflesd, scared and confused AND not knowing how to react to such thing - francly it is not easy topic and not many ppl know how to react when told about rape - however to think less about a person that went throuhg such thing?! He is not manly enough? Not macho enough?! He managed to go on with such pain in him - to live normal life! He deseves a better person to be by his side. One day this girl finally grow up and mature and then she will realize what a pease of s%^%$t she was. But it will be to late for her. Hopfully not for him.
Counselling brings back the horror of what hapoened; it kind of has to to help and support the person to process it. He needs love, empathy and support. Not judgement and phobia. I think perhaps the young lady needs counselling to work through her prejudices and complete lack of empathy or regard
When someone who has suffered an awful trauma, such as this, starts counselling; they are so brave
😂 so she wants a dominant man, who can put her in her place at any given moment and is more of a statue, than a real person?! 😂 seriously i do not get these people... Yeah, she’s just a very dumb selfish bad person... nothing more to it. I just feel really bad for the guy, since i know how hard sharing something you’re feeling like s**t about is... he’s probably thinking less of himself after this and this s****y gf of his is just going to ruin him more... i really hate people, honestly...
If the relationship is NOT serious, she should stay and have her fun...if it’s serious, she needs to leave like yesterday!!! If such an issue is making her consider leaving, she needs to know marriage will be tough and have so much more to deal with!!! Let her spare the poor guy a marriage unlikely to last because she’s being petty over an issue that want his help...
At 20 years of age, she’s thinking like a teenager. It’s not what happened to him, but how it’s affecting her. Just another self centered lil princess who doesn’t know her a*s from a hole in the wall. Hopefully, with time, education and life experience she will become a empathetic adult.
Her attitudes just shows a lack of maturity, empathy & compassion. If it has affected her view of him that she feels weird about getting texts from him then she should end it now before he is hurt anymore. His overly macho persona is probably a direct result of his childhood rape, his way of proving to himself that he isn't gay, that he's a mans man, he deserves support & compassion & probably needs counselling, what he doesn't need is an immature girlfriend treating him like a freak.
Seriously, a macho can also have moments of him being in tears and needing a tight hug from a loved one— because all machos are human and humans have the full range of emotions going, so crying and needing to be comforted is normal for any person. As someone have already mentioned: it’s very strong of him to try and overcome what he went through, and grew up to be a successful person who takes well care of himself (from how she described him at the beginning). I believe it was a risky thing to tell a 20 year old whom he was dating for only 5 months such private details, because many 20 year olds are immature (though many 20 year olds would have the maturity to understand that he’s still macho and strong and even moreso for opening up about what happened to him— but there are definitely some 20 year olds who just don’t have the depth necessary and it is further traumatizing to deal with immature responses— this is exactly what he’s dealing with now, unfortunately).
I know quite a few men who were sexually abused as children. Men need support just as much as women. This woman is trash.
she definitely got the bashing she deserved. Part of me is hoping she was trolling, part hopes that (if not) they broke up so he could find a thoughtful & caring girlfriend that he deserves. Part of me is just in shock at what i read...
What an immature, selfish little brat she is!! This brave, gutsy man went through a horrific experience as a child, has made himself into a decent human being, and has the strength to get counselling [which will be bringing all those awful memories flooding back as if it only happened yesterday]. Then, he tells someone who he thinks loves and cares for him -- and what does this excuse for a human being do? She rejects him for something that he had no control over, and blabs about it on social media! What a prize she is! Not. Dump this shallow person, and don't let her attitude stop you from going back to your counsellor, or closing your heart to finding someone else who will give the support and love you need and deserve!
i pray he is strong and does not let this get to him, hard as it will be but she is not worth it and we are all for you please know that and dont do anything stupid , we love you and care even if we dont know you, She is not worth the ground she walks on and is so shallow .
She's obviously an air-head, thoughtless bimbo. The guy seems way smarter than she is, as well as way more "together" than she. If this incident had not happened (sadly, too late to think about that) they'd probably grow apart, because she probably is unable to talk about anything but her fingernails and People Magazine, and probably hasn't read a book since she flunked out of high school.
How could he "take her back" after she treated him this way and walked out? She's got some SERIOUS atoning to do.
Im probably the only person in two minds about this.. Our emotional reaction to events are not always what we expect or desire, but it's how we act that matters. I know someone who was in a similar situation, and she didn't understand why she wanted to distance herself when he told her. But she acted, persuaded him to start therapy, stayed his friend when they split for a while... They're married now.
Well, it looks like he will be better off without her. It is something that everyone can't stand up to. You can't predict what would have happened in the future. Since he is starting therapy I think he is better off. He shouldn't be seriously dating right now. Once he starts to physically and emotionally heal he might find out she isn't right for him. Hopefully his true friends will stand by him.
I couldn't finish reading her responses to people ripping her a new a******s. Makes me sick and very sad for her now ex boyfriend, and how stupid she is. She doesn't deserve love.
You say she doesn't deserve love. You are harsher than she is. Does that make you undeserving of love?
Load More Replies...I honestly wish someone would spit in her face for me, because even THAT is less DISGUSTING then what I just read! I mean there's basic ignorance and then there's HER!
I think her opinion is appaling. But to be honest, this is what a lot of female rape victims go through. Being made to feel that they are damaged and in some way tainted. It's a common reaction but it's about time that it stopped.
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I am also wondering if she is a troll who is doing this for attention and to get everyone riled up.? Why would you put up something like that... just wondering. Of course a man who is raped is the same victim; a child with no way of protecting themselves.
To this "(EX-) girlfriend"... A real man is tough and 'macho'. But a real man is also human and have emotions like any other human being. Nobody likes being raped. Young as he was when he had this traumatic experience, i can only imagine the pain and can't understand what is going on, let alone forced into it. To face your fears and live on and try to move on, that itself is as tough as it gets. ' 20 y/o woman'? Nope... You are just a girl who just wanna have fun... I suppose if you date a toughguy redneck biker, you wont expect him to hold a door open for you, eh? I hope your son gets raped one day and then we'll see if you still have a macho son... Yes, my opinions and words are harsh, but some people don't learn until extreme cases are presented to them. To the macho, toughguy... I think you are more than a man than you think you are. Do not be ashamed of what was never your fault. You are who you are. Doesn't make you a lesser human being.
There is some good here...at least by being honest she can hopefully work out her own issues and realize that her responses are inappropriate to society. With social media, I see either people advertising their lives as perfect, making other people feel badly about themselves, or mean people, cutting down others for no reason. If we were all more real and honest, maybe we can make some progress in making society better. Her reaction was not that empathetic or nice...hopefully some of the more constructive comments help her in those arenas...
I have nothing to add: DITTO on every word that has been said above.
We need feminism, now moe than ever. And an end to these damaging gender stereotypes. Yes, there are some difference between men and women - but nowhere near enough to justfiy this disgusting Tough action man vs vapid, uncapable princess s**t. It has to end!
Before you break up with him, why don't you try going with him to counseling or find a counselor on your own, and see if you can get a different perspective ....
No she doesn't. What she needs is a good slap across the face so she can snap back to reality, you c**t. Empathy doesn't heal everything.
Load More Replies...But she's gone off him BECAUSE he revealed he was raped, no other reason. His confession 'shattered her image of him'. It shouldn't make any difference. I know someone who was raped as a child and when she told her, now husband, it made no difference to how he felt about her.
Load More Replies...Sadly, this proves that there are females who get brainwashed by toxic masculinity as well. I didn't read all the comments above, so sorry if this repeats something already said, but what an awful attitude to have to a man brave enough and feeling safe enough to be able to talk about something so painful. I hope he isn't harmed further by her and continues to recover.
I was 23, a little older than this woman, when a bf confessed he was repeatedly raped by a teenage neighbor as a boy. I felt only complete and utter sympathy, cried tears with him, and feel compassion for him to this day. The only way my feelings changed, was that I loved him more deeply and empathetically. This Reddit writer is a weak, sad sack of a woman. Side note: I dated for 15 more years until I met my husband, and during that time had two additional bfs confess to abuse as children. Perhaps it is not as rare as the Reddit writer believes.
Load More Replies...If anything, my boyfriend opening up to me about something so horrific would make me respect and treasure him even more. That is a terrible thing to go through, let alone talk about for this reason alone! Men have feelings and deserve to be heard too. I hope this guy finds peace without this selfish person in his life.
Yes, I would think he was more "masculine"(I don't really like that word) if he was strong enough to tell me about this!
Load More Replies...One upside about that thing - he's going to better off without her. Pity that's also going to have another traumatic experience like his partner rejecting him because of something that wasn't his fault.
Load More Replies...Rape is bad for everyone! Support victims and punish the bastards. Does remind me of a conversation I had with a woman who was convinced 'men can't be raped' and no one could convince her otherwise. We went round in circles with me repeatedly saying 'have you seen the Shawshank Redemption?!' until she finally got it...
Well done with persisting until she did! Must have been bloody frustrating.
Load More Replies...Anyone else notice that it was also bad that she shared his most traumatic event on SOCIAL MEDIA. For all the world to see, without his consent!
Reddit isn’t social media in the sense that you’re trying to use it. Reddit isn’t like Instagram or Facebook where people are you and know who you are. It’s an anonymous message board, not social media.
Load More Replies...As a 50 year old man that was violated nearly 100 times from 10 to 14 and still dealing with the trauma in certain ways to this day. I'm mortified at this persons complete narcissistic response. I know for a fact without my wife's love, support and compassion I'd be dead. There are millions of men that were raped and subjected to forced copulation by very sick people. Being sexually violated as a child regardless of your gender is severely traumatic and 1/3 of victims never really recover. Pedophillia is evil plain and simple.
I am so sorry this happened to you but really glad you have your wife's support.
Load More Replies...I can deeply relate to this. Being a survivor of childhood sexual molestation i was silent for decades! I was in my late 30's when i learned to speak up about it. These molestations were done by a man to me, when i was just 6-8 of age.
Joachim Rimer, if noone has ever said this to you before, please, let me say it now: I am SO SORRY that this ever happened to you. You did NOT NOT NOT deserve such an experience. They were 100% wrong, and 100% responsible for what happened to you. In solidarity, I stand with you.
Load More Replies...Sexist narcissistic nitwit. This is the kind of woman who thinks it's okay to punch a guy because he's bigger and "it's cute". Her perspective is utterly flawed and thoroughly toxic. Honestly, her very first sentence - the way she described him- was a huge red flag in my mind. I'm sure he's hurting due to her complete and utter lack of compassion, but better that he find out now rather than when further invested in the relationship. I hope he finds somebody to love who can actually care about him.
IKR? Just the first sentence and I knew she never really accepted the man as a person, he was just a sexy macho toy in her eyes! And when he becomes human, with emotions and traumas of his own, BAM no longer attractive to her! Sorry, I am so mad at her... She did not even have to speak about the terrible thing she did after he entrusted her with his very personal trauma, she was clearly a shallow viper even before that. The equivalent of a man who only wants a pretty dumb girl to walk around with, and is shocked if she has Thoughts! I really hope the guy finds somebody who has at least the basic human empathy and values...
Load More Replies...Honestly, he is probably better off without her. She clearly only like the picture of him she created in her own head, not the actual person he is. She doesn't even see what she's done wrong. No matter how many people tell her to be a better girlfriend, she won't be able to, unless she comes to this realization on her own. I'd like to think anyone can change into a better person but I've met too many a*****e people who stay a******s all their lives and never know any better. Hopefully he'll find someone who can be a strong and understanding PARTNER who realizes that both men and women are people with emotions and there's no shame in being hurt or traumatized.
Yes, you are absolutely right he is better off without her but that's probably going to be a hard adjustment for him to make when he trusted her. She isn't the person he thinks she is either, otherwise he wouldn't have felt able to share his painful past. It is difficult for most people to think 'well, that's your problem' in the best of circumstances. I hope he gets all the help he needs and gets better people in his life.
Load More Replies...A*****e is a bit too mild - the British version of arsehole seems a much better epithet.
You mean she's a disgusting, vile creature who would be left to rot in the lowest pit of Hell because not even Satan himself would go near her. The swear words needed in that sentence don't exist yet, so I can't make it as ruthless as it needs to be.
Load More Replies...Weirdly interesting and absolutely awful lesson I just learned here since I just realized how not only men but also women are guilty of spreading toxic masculinity. Yes she's the a*****e, without a doubt! She makes me want to grab her boyfriend and keep him safe from asswipes like her.
That's utter b******t Paul. "Toxic masculinity" isn't something natural or even consistent throughout humanity. Yeah, a certain level of "toughness" was, but only so much that being able to live and take care of yourself and people around you was ideal and especially sought-for in a social group. Neither natural selection, nor many human cultures dictate(d) that "men need to hide their feelings until it kills them" and "men can only be violent and aren't allowed to cry or show affection". In fact, it's harmful and often leads to a man who becomes abusive, which is then someone harmful to the social group through which we survive.
Load More Replies...Happens to men "boys" a lot more than any want to believe... happens to every gender out there. No means no, plain and simple...
Yes! And then people don't think it's serious because it was a boy!!!
Load More Replies...I got sick reading her arguments... How anybody can be so cruel and unempathic to have her partner crying in her arms, being extremly brave, telling her about this and come up with the ideas that she has? I cant believe how we still live in such a sexist society that sees "ok" women as victims (after all 'they are just weak and worthless") and emasculates a man for being raped? Rape is a power strugle, it has nothing to do with sexuality, gender, size etc... I really hope that this is just a troll telling a fake story to get attention...
UHmm, did she not understand that he WAS A CHILD when the rape occurred? He wasn't strong and buff, and manly then, in fact that's' probably what led to him acting extra strong and manly, so he could stop it from ever happening again. She is only concerned with how this is affecting her. SHe lacks empathy and understanding. She is no good for him until she gets therapy herself. Until then she cannot be with this man or she will continue to emotionally hurt him.
Load More Replies...Can't we all agree that rape against any gender, by whoever, at any age is just totally unacceptable?
She's such a b***h, if I had a bf who opened up to me about something like this, I would care for him more. All she cares about is this manly image that she had of him and the moment he displayed a vulnerable and sensitive side, she wants to leave him. It wasn't even his fault and men are people too. Men can have feelings and get hurt and can be weak and there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing. This is so sad for the boyfriend, he deserves so much better. Someone who will hold him through the painful memories and care for him.
@Michal Jaztrzebski I'm a woman. And I care deeply for the men around me all the time.
Load More Replies...This girls makes me so sick. After all, she did right to leave. He deserves a thousand times better than a person that thinks a man who has been raped as a child is less, or doesn´t deserve love. I really hope he finds peace and a person that knows what to be human means.
But then again - if she had stayed, feeling the way she now does about him, but not telling him. Thats worse in my eyes.
Load More Replies...This guy opened up to you and you pay him back by ignorance,selfishness and stupidity! Real men cry...real men have feelings. For those who find these gems, keep them close and safe because they are a rare find these days! He deserves better than you!
Homophobia is what's at the heart of this and you'd think she'd just admit it, she's already so far gone, why not?? F**k her. >:o| I hope that guy dumped her and found someone capable of empathy, and I really, really hope this experience didn't cause him to bury it back up and stop working on it / talking about it.
homophobia, rape culture, blaming the victim, toxic masculinity--she embodies it all
Load More Replies...Let me guess, she's one of thoose people that call themselves advocates for gender equality, but at the same time thinks that a man needs to make more money than her, would never help her partner out with money and would find him unattractive if he is unemployed, wants him to pay the bill when they go out, thinks he needs to be taller than her etc? Let's pray for that she doesn't contribute to the future genpool.
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Load More Replies...This OP is such a worthless piece of human waste, that the guy that raped her boyfriend deserves better than HER.
To be fair, both her and the rapist are pretty equally awful people.
Load More Replies...this is why men don't cry, because of people like you. hey YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM he is so why the woe is me, get a life see a counselor you are not the badly done by one . gee what a drama queen or is it the attention you want , whatever it is get into the real world , hurts and pains are wih us all males and females are you really that dumb or is this a way to get attention,
He was raped at 11, but My iMagE haS beEn shAttErEd and ThaTs sooo Much worse!
Hope you don't mind my mentioning this but I know a couple of people who are partially sighted and they are really struggling to read sentences where there are random or alternative caps. Even my dyslexic husband finds it harder as it makes the 'jumping all over the screen' worse. Sorry - don't want to complain but if no-one ever says anything, nothing changes. Ta.
Load More Replies...God, this is...this is horrible! Imagine how much he cared for her that he had the courage to open up like that. And this s****y woman-child just runs away scared. Imagine how little she cared about him to be able to speak like that. F***!! Seriously, she only cared about his looks, and nothing else. He dodged a bullet, and I hope they don't get back together!! Selfish little b***h!
Don't insult children by comparing this piece of rubbish with them. Her behaviour was not childish, but ruthless and totally selfish.
Load More Replies...We have a bot situation on the forum. Don't feed into it with anger. Scroll on people, scroll on.
Hard to do when there are some people literally laughing about a boy getting raped. It's vile.
Load More Replies...IMHO, he is MORE of a MAN for his honesty. My husband and I BOTH had traumatic childhood experiences, eons before we met, of course. Shared it once; cleared the air. ONE AND DONE. Neither of us is worse for wear......we've been married 20 plus years, and our skeletons are shared; closets are empty, and WE LOVE DEEPLY, SIMPLY, WHOLEHEARTEDLY. (He's always the manliest man, to me.)
Can i ask you when you guys shared that with each other? Like was it during the dating period or more so when you became serious? I'm only asking because I mistakenly told guys (during the dating period) about my past rapes and I got different responses. One said that I "let it happen" (no you a**hole, but watch this block happen), another stopped all communication with me and I never heard back from him, and the one who became an ex (don't even ask, idk what I was thinking) said something like "this is scary because if we have sex, I dont want you accusing me of rape." Wtf?! So I'm happy and thankful that you and your husband were super understanding about things in your past that were out of your control. It give me hope that my future husband will be understanding when I share my stories with him.
Load More Replies...My partner opened up about the fact that he had been raped by a woman. My reaction was to listen, and then affirm that he is still a man. The next step after that was to ask if anything I did was a trigger to him so I could avoid that until he was ready for me to do it. THAT is how you respond to being told that a man was raped. I would never leave him over it, would never ever consider leaving him over it.
Today I'm ashamed of my gender, what a monstrous, soulless creature!? That guy deserves better and I hope he gets it... Wtf is wrong with people!?
I agree. I want to hug him and apologise for being female purely because of her. I must admit I didn't write that, I deleted it as I thought there would be backlash, but hey, f**k it. I've edited and written again. You've been brave enough to and I'll be brave enough to stand with u and agree ❤
Load More Replies...I hate how she attempts to back peddle. He deserves so much more. Someone who wouldn't ridicule him. He needs love and acceptance. Not her toxic c**p no matter how she tries to word it
Very sad. I get so angry when i hear "men can't be raped". Yes, men of all ages can be raped. Just like women, it is no fault of the victim. Im curious about her family. Was her dad very masculine & abusive? This girl obviously is more concerned with her feelings about the situation. The boyfriend needs to just let her go. Shes obviously callous. She will never find true love. Shes a selfish ignorant person who is incapable of sympathy towards others. It doesn't make him any less masculine.
I hope they broke up but she looks stupid enough to tell him she is leaving him because he was raped and that would probably make him hide it longer from his next better girlfriend who could help him.
What a monster. I hope someday she learns. I also hope she left him and he found someone who loves him, not some fake Ken-Doll Imaginary Image like the image she enjoyed screwing but couldn't see as a human being in pain.
Not sure how contentious this will be. I have absolute sympathy for him. But I disagree with her decision to tackle this through social media as much as I disagree with her perspective. I'm all for society being more open about some of the challenges we face, but this is NOT the right way to go about it. I'm assuming there will be threads about the same incident on every other platform - twitter, facebook, you name it. And I think that's utterly disgusting. This poor man has had a personal trauma exposed on the WORLD WIDE WEB through no fault of his own and now everyone on the planet seems to have a right to an opinion. I'm not passing comment on the incident itself ... I'm passing comment on the fact that this should never have hit Bored Panda in the first place. It's callous and disrespectful to the victim, as much as people are siding with him.
It's not contentious - mentioned further up. It's also not right that it's gone public though maybe she had no one to talk to (not that I care that much about her) and maybe, just maybe, she kept the details different enough to respect his privacy, though I doubt it. We all saw the headline though and then went to read the main article. Are we being hypocritical? Concered that it went public but still reading it? Just asking, not judging.
Load More Replies...When she claimed to advocate for rape victims... Wow. What a lie. Just.. Epic lie. May he find healing... far away from that toxic cauldron of self-obsession.
I hope he saw her for her true colors after she left him in that vulnerable state. SO sad.
This is almost bad enough to be a troll’s post! She sounds homophobic. The thought of male penetration disgusts, viewing the victim as tainted. She doesn’t deserve her bf. 2. .Minimalizing the impact of male rape due to frequency shows ignorance and narrow-mindedness. Rape, no matter the victims’ gender is devastating. Male rape can do greater damage to the psyche. The cultural idea of men as strong & unemotional, the warrior. A ‘macho’, alpha male image men try to live up to. To show emotion is weakness. While women can usually rely on female friends to share her grief, hurt, and loss, men don’t have such openness with other men. They internalize the damage, not getting the comfort & support of Hagen Das, hugs, sharing grief. It doesn’t change a masculinity but to the man it often does. Her bf gave her his trust, allowing her to see vulnerability and she showed him what a flawed, compassionless girl she is. She doesn’t deserve him. Every man should be as strong & brave as him.
HOW COULD SHE NOT VIEW HIM AS MANLY BECAUSE HE COULDN’T FIGHT OFF AN OLDER MAN?! WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE THIS STUPID GIRL EVEN EXIST?!
I'm speachless. I was abused as a child, taken advantage of by an ex after yelling him no, then straight up raped when I was homeless and needed a place to stay. Just because I went through all of that doesn't mean I am not strong. The fact I am alive and I am happily married and have a baby means I'm strong. My partner never treats me like I am weak for breaking down or becoming depressed because of everything I went through. I lost my family because of what happened to me as a child. I lost a new family after my ex's family told me we didn't have to be together for us to be family because of what happened with my ex. Instead my partner holds me while I'm crying and let's me know he is there for me and that everything is better now. That woman is a complete b***h and to be honest I would not feel bad for her at all if that happened to her to. That isn't to say I hope it happens I never want anyone to be raped no matter what kind of person they are.
I got grabbed at when I was a kid and I know I'm not strong.
Load More Replies...She is immature and selfish. Some people can't handle serious stuff. Hopefully she will learn that in a relationship two people support each other, and men have feelings and emotions just like women. The stereotype of 'macho men' never crying is unrealistic and toxic.
Another thing nobody else has pointed out is, this woman posted on the internet about her boyfriend and HIS past. She had no right to talk about this to ANYONE because this is obviously something personal that he might not want her to share. It's incredibly sickening that she has chosen to share this secret that still haunts him on the internet for many people to see. It must have been mortifying to share this with you let alone thousands of people on the internet. And no this not me saying that he should suck it up and not tell anyone, this is me saying he should be allowed to tell whoever HE wants not have his girlfriend tell whoever SHE wants. This is HIS past, imagine him waking up one day and seeing THIS. Sure lots of people look like him but are there really a bunch of duplicates of him who were raped at 11 years old by their stepbrother? Not to mention this was posted near when he told her?
plus who else has she blabbed to out side of the internet that poor guy so so sad
Load More Replies...this is the most disgusting thing iv'e ever read. how can some one be so cruel and heartless, the boyfriend bares his broken soul and instead of picking up the pieces to put them back together, she take a sledge hammer and renders his soul beyond repair.
Considering the type of person she is he is better off without her. He needs support and understanding not this c**p. With her gone he can find someone who truly loves him.
Okay everyone, there has been a bit of a situation down in the comments section with people posting incredibly sexist and rude things targeted towards males. People have been so stunned so they've been hypothesizing whether they're bots or trolls. Well, they're not. It's all one person under multiple accounts. Just letting you know. It's really sad that even one person thinks like this, but at least we can take solace in the fact that no, it really wasn't multiple people. Many people, even female rape victims have spoken out against this woman, but she just doesn't get it. She thinks men can't be raped. Letting everyone know that don't waste your time. If you see a comment talking bs, it's her. Just ignore her.
I've been outspoken about male victims and female perpetration for decades and, whilst it may only be one individual in this instance, I'm seeing nothing I haven't seen countless times previously.
Load More Replies...@alex bailey Thanks for pointing out her wording. Shows her immature idea of masculinity taken from romance novels. A total fairytale image of men. Sleeping Beauty’s prince. Most mature women want a man who can be open with his feelings. They want to be confided in & be the one to help him heal, share their burdens as a couple. (There would be less infidelity and divorce if men felt comfortable allowing their partner to see their vulnerability and openly communicate. It’s girls like this that perpetuate the stereotype of masculinity and create emotionally closed men. (I am mother of a son I watched spit out a tooth on the hockey bench, lie unconscious on the ice - thanking me for ‘no drama’, told me ‘just follow the ambulance’ if injured badly & whose friends told him “Chicks dig scars” over a bloody face cut. He was 8 to 12 yrs old then. Already internalizing the myth.
This gal is not yet emotionally mature. Perhaps, she will become open to learning and growing now that she must see her feelings are so far away from the norm. We all come with baggage. We have a choice to toss it or help lighten its load... whether the baggage is ours or the other person's. I sincerely hope this person has not sacrificed her ex boyfriend's anonymity while she sits on her own pity pot and complains. And I pray she's not a psychology major. More importantly, I hope this guy finds the tools to help himself.
Why did he cry? I though men were ok with rape. I guess it's just when it happens to them that's when it actually matters.
Listen b***h it doesn't matter if you didn't say 'all men', because in your original comment, you said 'men'. That implies everyone in this whole f*****g planet who is male. You thought men were okay with rape? LOL, how often have you actually heard of male rape? Male rape goes more unreported than with women because of the pressures put on them because of society. No, when it happens to them, they believe it DOESN'T matter, because they have to be strong and masculine. And you're you're basically saying that male rape victims themselves are okay with female rape and have no right to complain. You're an a*****e. Go to hell
Load More Replies...I just want to hold him as both a child and an adult. Heartbreaking. Maybe the hopefully ex girlfriend should hook up with the rapist. They deserve each other. They could push each other off a cliff.
So all you who are quick to judge are denying her her feelings? What is she supposed to do? Is it her fault she feels this way which is probably going to change after she accepts what happened? None of you, absolutely none of you have met her and yet you are quick to judge and throw her to the dogs. Your outrage is misplaced and unfair. You have no idea who she really is or why she feels the way she does.
I'm happy I've never met such a piece of s**t. Honestly, I don't care why she feels that way or who she really is. I only hope one day somebody she trusts betrays her as deeply as she betrayed the person she said she loved. Perhaps after that she will stop being a self-centred narcissist and become human. She doesn't have "to accept what hsppened". Nothing happened to her. She didn't feel the pain or the shame. She only needed to show a tiny bit of empathy. But she chose to be a selfish arsehole. Afterwards, she decided to fish for support in a social media, in an attempt to find a justification to her behaviour. She's a horrible person.
Load More Replies...I am appalled by this woman! Absolutely appalled! I'm so appalled that I'm speechless. What this woman wrote is absolutely the most repulsive thing I've ever read! The amount of ignorance is beyond help here. She's a lost cause. Not only she doesn't admit that she's wrong but she also tries to defend her actions. Sounds like she just need the attention from people so she just goes and stir up some more attention. This girl is unbelievable! I really do feel bad for that guy who was her "boyfriend" or "boy toy" (at least that's what it seems like he is to her from the cold way she describes him). To that poor guy: You're very lucky that she dumped you. (I mean who knows what she will do if she hadn't dumped this poor guy!) You don't need lost causes like her! There's plenty of good ladies out there and I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that you will find one that will truly understand your situation and accept (and support) you.
So this guy trusts her enough to share something so horrendous that happened to him. Not only does she leave him...he probably feels even worse than ever, but instead of taking the time to actually help him get through this, she goes on effing social media and to her friend to ask if she's a s****y person. This guy is probably so messed up by this, that he will never be able trust anyone enough in order to get the help he needs. People are such rubbish sometimes!
Geez well what if it was you who got raped would u want him to use that against you?? Trrrible human being u should be ashamed
Wow... Just wow! What a piece of garbage she is! Rape is traumatizing no matter what! But, it is people like her who make it hard for males to come forward and speak against their assailant, or just speak about it at all. I am praying this man finds a loving kind girlfriend and this girl grows up and feels awful every day for treating him this way.
I am so disturbed by this post that this got public. As a woman I am ashamed that she is part of what I am. And what was she expecting, getting moral support to me the worst person ever? Did she even thinked twice if the tables are turned, since that is the comon case. How could she? How could you do this to somebody who you love, or ever loved (or in this case probably never loved). It is Like aditional trauma that he will go trough. How can you trust people Like that. I wish him all the best, to heal from the trauma and find somebody who will love him. And for her, I just hope no one dates her, so the world would be spared from that kind of preson. I only hope that after all this she publicly displayed she is not with him, just cause a lot of people don't Like her. That boy doesn't deserve to have that as a girlfriend.
I think the key reassuring factor here is that she is clearly NOT a woman. She's a naive, immature, sheltered and highly inconsiderate little girl. Her biological age may be twenty, but her emotional age is about a ten.
Load More Replies...Oh my, I couldn't read past the "many of my closest friends are rape victims" sentence. I mean WTF, I have no words, hope that man finds someone who truly loves him and deserves him.
Hmm. She might be s****y, yeah. But I can't help but look into the bigger picture/ my own perspective... Trust me... When I've "opened up" to people (men, I am a woman) about how I've got abused as a kiddo... They simply used it against me. 9 out of 10 times. Cause they knew how freaking terrified I was of getting into that paralyzing situation when I can't move, talk, or scream.... when people get violent during sex. If you've experienced sexual abuse during a long period, especially as a child this is a survivor-mode. Sure, everybody doesn't know it. But it hurts, as f**k, when you open up and people use it against you... I'd this b***h just leaving me alone instead of being stupid and judgemental. Stay strong....
I'm so sorry. I hope you have people you can trust to support you. If it helps at all, I know that nothing that happened to you was ever your fault, and everyone on this post knows that too.
Load More Replies...I don't get her reaction, I also don't get why she thinks she has the right to share his very personal story online.
Wow, what type of person she must be. She is going to get what she deserves from all of these posts berating her. He trusted her to tell her his darkest secret and she is not strong enough to be there to help support him. Rape is not just a woman issue.
And she then put his darkest secret online for the world to talk about. smh
Load More Replies...I saw this yesterday and it SO disappointing that the threat was already closed. If I were her I would be crushed but I would love my boyfriend harder and be as supportive as possible, as I know he would do if it were me.
I wish I thought...no, wait, I wish I knew this was exceptional. It is NOT. It is more common than most would like to believe. I've spent nearly thirty years working with victims of abuse, including sexual violence. I can tell you many people do respond to victims of rape and sexual violence exactly how this woman reacted. They assume a man who is raped is somehow less of a man. That a woman who is raped is somehow a tramp, whore and less of a "real" woman. They then respond by withdrawing and, in some cases, even treating the victim as deserving of further violence. When you consider the stats (US stats) of 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys being victims of sexual violence before age 18...yeah, not so rare. This woman needs an education and some real soul work. Her former BF is much better off without her.
This chick f*****g disgusts me. You dare say you love someone and then immediately smash his heart against the wall the moment he opens up to you about something traumatic because it doesn't fit your "image" of him. Guess what princess; people are more than just whatever image YOU have painted of them! I can never, I mean NEVER imagine doing something like this to my sweet, strong, amazing man. Whatever traumas a person has in their past, they're still the same person after telling you as they were before. And opening up like that is a sign of trust. And she literally just took that trust and smashed it on the ground. DISGUSTING, JUDGMENTAL SKANK!! I hope she NEVER finds true love. She doesn't deserve it.
That poor man. He has all my sympathy, empathy and wishes for him to find a REAL partner who won't be so callous and cruel to him. What the hell is wrong with that woman???
To be honest, I deduce that she is probably not a very intelligent person. God only knows what he found attractive about her.. maybe it was a relationship based on looks. Somehow he must have felt he could trust her, and what an awful shock it musty have been. Why could he not pick up on her shallow unintelligent character? Perhaps he has never opened up before and did not realise how carefully he had to choose the people he trusted this with. I really hope he can rise up from this experience. She definitely strikes me as very slow, brain wise. Even after people have pointed out why it was a bad reaction to him, she doesn't get it at all. stats show that there are many sociopaths within our society, obviously in varying degrees of sociopathy. She seems to have a part of compassion and empathy missing from her and seems unaware.
If you're looking for a macho male rape victim, consider David Holthouse. He was raped when he was 8, at swordpoint, by the teenage son of family friends ('Hey, wanna see my karate stuff?') For the rest of his life he planned to execute this guy. One day he found out where the guy was living and bought an untraceable handgun. He told no one -- for twenty five years -- until one day he says to me, "I'm going to shoot him in the balls, make sure he knows it's me then shoot him in the head." His rapist's new partner had kids. But the mac is mightier than the laptop. He confronted his rapist and wrote a devastating article about it, which was later turned into a play (and an episode of This American Life). Anyone who thinks David Holthouse is less manly because of being raped at age 8 either has extremely low emotional intelligence (ask somebody) or is a truly ghastly person (get help). https://www.westword.com/news/stalking-the-bogeyman-5079302
Your statment makes you sound like a ignorant jackass. Rape victims either male or female didnt ever deserve to be violated nor judged. Repulsive people that judge other people lifes and tragedies are pathetic.
She has successfully caused another trauma in his life for posting this. He may never open up to another woman again, or may continue to have sexual difficulties even more so now that she exposed him to the world. I hope he doesn't see this, but if he does, I hope he focuses on the support from the commenters and not this heartless woman exposing his deepest darkest secret. God's not sleeping. She will get hers for hurting someone who put his trust in her, when she was in it for shallow reasons - looks, money, and social status.
I think, first, the stepbrother, needdso be arrested! Prosecuted and jailed! That. Girl is so insensitive, and needs to go away. Her ex boyfriend, needs to see a counselor and get the help he never did from. His family! That stepbrother, May have raped many more young boys!
No, the first thing to do is to make sure that her boyfriend, the victim, is emotionally and psycologically ready to withstand a trial. It's no picnic, for me it took nearly 30 years before I was ready and the man that molested me was already dead by then. If someone had forced me to take part in a trial, I would probably have committed suicide.
Load More Replies...Wow I can not believe some of these comments! Not that age matters when it comes to rape, but he was a child. What is wrong with you disgusting air bags. I can't justify calling you human beings because you obviously have no humanity. Rape is rape. Man or woman, old or young, it doesn't matter. As a rape survivor, I would never wish the experience on anyone. The only people that would say they have no sympathy for someone that has gone through it would be a derranged psychopath and has not gone through such a horrible experience. Even if you hated adult men, to not have some compassion for a child just shows there's something mentally wrong with you.
Saying that a man is less manly for being raped is like saying a woman is a s**t for being raped
The important thing about his rape is her feelings of course...... stupid twat
I am so glad that there are no comments here defending her. I was partly afraid to come to the comments because of that.
LOL. Men don't give a s**t when they rape women, but when they get raped they want our sympathies? Not so "macho" now are you?
i had to make an account in order to make this comment. how f*****g pathetic do you have to be to make fun of male rape victims, you f*****g sociopath. what the hell is wrong with you?
Load More Replies...I don't know much about her, but She maybe can't cope with his trauma. Of course leaving him is cold thing to do, she could go with him to specialist, maybe to his therapist to talk it out.
She's an idiot. Period. He trusted the wrong person and may never do it again. She might as well have given his name, as people know his job, personality, age, family structure, etc.
Sure she is the a*****e here but she is reflective of her own actions/feelings and obviously realizes there is something wrong with her way of thinking, and that there is some disparity between the way she feels and the way it should be. Otherwise, she wouldn't have posted this to Reddit at all. Showing her the error of her thinking(which was probably just imbued in her by some bad parenting/society) was the correct thing to do but I REALLY don't agree with calling her all sorts of bad names, cursing her to never have love again, and shaming her down to the earth like that first guy did. He's more of an a*****e than the girlfriend who was clearly conflicted and confused with her own wrong ideas imho
It simply broke my heart. I hope the guy would soon find someone who takes him as he is no matter what.
She is seeing the man before her raped. The muscled strong man not a week unmuscled not of 11. She is not separating the two in her mind. She is an awful woman that has no feelings for others.
So the post was locked by Mods as "Judgement has been rendered..." She is obviously an S Class a*****e and may god have mercy on her soul...or not cause, what an a*****e. Capture-5c...d10c8c.jpg
Sad. If my GF admitted something like this to me, I would want to love her more.
So sad. Don't matter what you said to her, her selfish ignorant head won't admit that she is horrible person by judging someone's past bad experience to lower his value as a human being. Macho? Masculine? No! I prefer a man who is gentle, sensitive, and sympatic. And this girl? Nobody would appreciate her or be sympathy to her if she ever has one bad experience. Do you think life only be as smooth as you wish and always on top? Ugh, sadly no. In order to life, you would always constantly being tested out. What does she do when everybody start mocking her and ignored her for her bad exprience/flaw/selfishness/etc? Not so good ain't it?
To be fair multicellular organisms are too good for her
Load More Replies...OMFG! What a c**t!!!!!!! That poor bloke, I just want to give him a hug, apologise for even being a female at this point because of her and promise him he'll find someone sooooo much better then this....thing! Oh I'm mad! Read the whole thing with my mouth hanging open! F*****g ankle! (2-3ft lower then a c**t, lowest of the low)
I truly think this woman should stay far , far away from this man because he needs someone who understands and will support him and not make him feel more horrible and in pain than he already does. If I was his girlfriend I would stop at nothing to help this man and get him the help and the justice that he needs. That’s a real loving, caring woman. Seems like she has a heart of stone.
She should stay away from everyone, man woman child and animal. She has no empathy or compassion and isn't capable of loving anyone or anything the way they need and deserve
Load More Replies...If she can ask that question she needs to leave. Because he deserves someone so much better than her. She is not worthy of him.
She should absolutely leave him because he deserves so, so much better.
Wow...just...wow. Hopefully the guy is smart enough to dump that selfish and shallow child
This woman makes me sick. If this happened to one of my friends, I would do everything in my power to help them. I would not leave them; this woman has no heart.
He is much better off without her, but it's so awful that he will suffer again because of her cruelty. Studies about how many men are raped are inconclusive because men don't report for precisely this reason. I've heard 1 in 8 men and 1 in 5.
I think that’s for all sexual assaults, not just rape. The statistics for just rape probably aren’t that high even for women, although they are still really bad for all genders.
Load More Replies...I simply don't have the strength after the last 18 months (or longer) 2 properly respond 2 this ridiculous diatribe of pure crap....please, for the sake of mankind (& I say this with love) break up with this guy & let him find a decent human. You however, said with love again, should find a forest, build a shack (kinda like the TV show Naked & Afraid) & hope a wild puma doesn't smell your insanely & unbelievably selfish crap! & I'm aware of my grammar & misspellings etc....but for the Love of God who actually thinks this?!?! I'm also sure that you wrote this without thinking or after a night of extreme drug use that clouded any human sensibilities you may (or may not) have?!?! & Yes, apparently I did have the energy after the last few years....
This chick is a piece of work. Her date confides in her something extremely traumatizing that happened to him as a child (something he did not deserve, ask for or could control) and her first thought is that he's less of a man?! What in the actual eff!! Sir, leave her so you can flourish. I remember when I told an ex that I didn't want to go to a hotel because I had once been raped there. He said "omg you're still not over that??" But he had been the one who had raped me! And then I was telling another ex about being a rape survivor. This dumbass said "that's scary. When we have sex I don't want you to accuse me of rape." WTF?! So now I know to never open up to morons and idiots.
My husband is a "macho", manly man. I have seen him cry. I have seen him break down emotionally. I have seen him at his weakest. My opinion of him has not changed. I still think of him as manly and strong. Men have emotions too. Men have break downs too. My greatest concern for this girls boyfriend is that this experience will devastate him. He finally opened up to someone he thought he could trust and she judged him. How will he ever feel safe opening up to anyone ever again?
So reading this article made me realise something similar happened to me. I was sexually assaulted by a man while I was studying abroad, when I wanted the support from my long distance boyfriend, he actually thought it was my fault that I was raped and he completely ignored me. He then proceeded to break up with me because of the incident and I was seen as a different person to him. But now I can happily say that we are not in contact anymore and im better off without him.
I've stopped reading after her second reply... I just couldn't stomach so much ignorance. I hope her poor and brave boyfriend is by now her ex-boyfriend, and that he'll find someone who's more supportive girlfriend... and even more important, that he'll find his way in life despite his bad experiences (I know this sentence doesn't even start to cover the pain and sadness, but I've got no better way of saying it). I'm sorry but I'm still fuming.
I... don´t even know where to begin with this lady... Why does everyone have to fit the mold that society has given us. You can´t be too fat, you cannot be too skinny, you cannot be too short or tall. Why the f**k does it matter if you aren´t what society wants you to be?
Yes. You are an incredible, narcissistic, judging, insensitive a*s.
Okay lets put it like this. Im a f*****g transgender (female to male) 12 year old. I was raped by my older brother who is 17 since i was about 9. I am pregnant now cause of that little s**t. He got sent to his dads btw where he will get spoiled and get given whatever he wants. As i have to sit through this pain. I prefer going by he/him pronunciations so i am counted as a guy from how i see it. Does it make me f*****g weak that i was raped by my brother as he’s practically congratulated on doing it and i have to sit here, give birth to this demon of my own BROTHER. So me as a technical male, being raped, does that make me weak?
Let’s break it down shall we? In truth, on average, three out of every ten children are molested. Of course, it could be more but this is the actual reported average. So what do think the percentage is of people who the molesting are? Since your so disturbed, perhaps you should live off grid, alone. Stay completely away from people becauseat least 1/3 of the people you interact with were molested as children. Add the adult rate ratio and who know, you might be right in the middle of victim hell. They might accidentally brush up against you. I’m thinking Antarctica looks good for your new home.
I can't believe what I just read!!!! You have absolutely no idea how unbelievably brave your boyfriend is to tell you of one of the worst experiences he has and probably will ever go to. Rape and sexual abuse can tear you apart no matter what age or gender you are. At such a young age your boyfriend had his innocence stripped from him. He lost his childhood and no matter how many years he has spent burying it he was going to have it eventually. He is such a strong person for facing these traumatic events. Sometimes when something like this happens we can do everything to block these things out. We can be seen to be really tough or really bubbly, it's how we cope. What you have just done is unbelievably selfish! This time is going to be really tough on him and he certainly deserves better than you. He will experience a lot of downs during this and realise there is a lot more traumatic events he has blocked. There will be times where he will want to be alone, to be held, to break and times when he can have a good day. I get that you don't want to deal with that, then walk away! He is 1000 times better off without your lack of support, empathy and understanding. I can't imagine how he would feel if he realised you took something so private and dark to him and shared this with the world.
Someday when she is no longer young, pretty, and thin her future husband will leave her because she doesn't fit his definition of what a woman should be.
My heart hurts thinking about this poor man sharing such a painful experience only to be treated like garbage. Whatever this bish thinks, he's courageous for sharing and should be proud of himself for doing so. I hope he finds his soulmate and lives happily ever after.
This woman obviously needed something to put her self out there like that. There is something deeper at play, is say. I wonder if she has a past sexual trauma not yet recalled? Real men get help!
She needs therapy nearly as much as the poor guy. WTF kind of girlfriend looks down on someone they "love" for opening up like he did to her.
OMG, I want to seriously slap her. I was sexually abused for years and know exactly what it does to your psyche, your emotional well being, your image of your body and worse, your brain chemistry. I know how hard it is to forever struggle with sex, intimacy and your body, with insomnia, PTSD and in my case, Fibromyalgia. I would have held him and told him that it's OK and that he will never ever have to feel unsafe again. I remember having a boyfriend who did what she did. After he found out that I was sexually abused, he couldn't have sex with me anymore. I've dealt with the aftermath of my abuse and the inability to truly love myself and my body for so many years. It's really sad that he had to go through this. Therapy, especially CBT, helps a ton and will also help him make better choices with future partners. I hope he finds a girl that loves him and adores him and is not a c** like her.
I've been married for 17 years, and with my Wife for 20 years in total. I've never told her that when i was 8, I was raped by one of my Mom's boyfriends for a few months. I've never told her. It's stories like this that make me realize that is the best decision. All the things that are being said about rape victims are completely true. You feel shame, fear of men, (I sometimes flinch when a random man makes the same arm gestures or says something similar to what my attacker used to say), when I get stressed in life, I have nightmares about it, when my Wife asks if I'm ok, I tell her it's a bad dream about the time I spent in the military as a young man. I love my Wife more than I have anyone else, and she is the closest person I have in my life, but this proves why I would never tell her. This guy is a trooper for admitting it, and this Woman is a heartless monster for judging him for it. Hopefully he's moved on to someone that will listen, and love him for the person he is
I feel she's a sociopathic little witch whose sense of empathy has never developed beyond the infant stage. She still lacks the maturity and selflessness required to be in a two-way relationship with another human being, and at twenty years old, I am doubtful those are two traits she will ever gain.
To quote Shakespeare : “Love is not love which alters it when alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove: O no! It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken...."
Wow, I shouldn’t have read this. The absolute anger I feel toward this hollow husk of a woman . She will die a very old lonely woman.
I wonder if she would feel the same way if he had been beaten by a stepfather or something when he was little? (I know the trauma isn't the same, but I wonder if it's about her hating the idea of him being in a "gay" situation or if the idea of him being a "victim" in any way would still make her back off) As a survivor of sexual assault, I really feel for this poor man. And for fear of seeming "weak" my other half didn't talk to me about the abuses he suffered at the hands of in-laws, neighbors, etc for years and there was nothing sexual in what happened to him. I just saw him as stronger for still being able to love and trust after what he went through, and everyone who has suffered any kind of abuse deserves that consideration. She needs to grow a heart, because her response is sickening and an example of why our culture is so damaging to men as well as women, just in different ways.
This whole thing makes me sad because my cousin (male) was a victim of domestic abuse. HE was beaten up constantly by his wife and he never fought back for many reasons but outside of the family no one believed him because he was a man and was bigger than her.... sadly he was murdered in 1997 and there is a lot of belief that she had something to do with it as he was found beaten to death in his bed...they still haven't arrested anyone unfortunately... I feel for the boyfriend of this post.
For anyone to leave a partner when said partner is at his/her lowest point is despairingly low - like tossing out "damaged goods". I have never come across a person who does not have any flaws.
It's amazing how she keeps repeating the same thing over and over again... "Wouldnt hearing that your boyfriend was penetrated by another man and seeing him cry excessively change your view of him when hes acting completely opposite?" Yes.. yes it would... I would stop looking at him as this nice, hot guy I sleep withand look at him WITH MUCH MORE RESPECT!!!! It would blow my f*****g mind that he went through that horror and still was a sane, functioning person!!! I'd see his vulnerability and my heart would just break for him and I would hold him close and tell him that he doesn't have to pretend to be strong anymore... I'd be his strength. I'd help him build himself from scratch if he wants. I'd be there for him... and I'd turn into a damned fanged monster if anyone so much as thought of hurting him ever again!!! He is a real man for a real woman... a shallow whimper of a person such as yourself doesn't deserve him... so get out of the way and let a real woman take over!!!
I wanted to throwup everytime she started to defend herself. Too disgusting to even think about leaving someone on his situation. I can't differ gender when a rape happens. To see a person be this self centered and selfish is just beyond me. I just wanna cry here, but I also want to punch her in the face and i've never been violent like this before.
That she started describing him by his physique says it all. Pure narcissistic banality much in the vein of the sexist dudes of yore. When feminism aimed to emotional equality, we all hoped for the best: more sensitive men and a society less trivial and pressing on looks. Unfortunately, we got the easy way round: women act like men now, and not the best part of it.
Yeah, she should break up with him. He deserves someone better.
I truly hope he finds his way to peace and happiness. And even if there isn't someone better in his life immediately, living single would still be healthier than having that waste-of-flesh b***h in his life.
I didn't read all the comments / exchange of thoughts about the above situation but one thing for sure for me, the guy is so courageous to tell his most horrible secret to her. It means that she trusted her so much. Hence, he don't deserved to be treated like that. He needs someone who will understand him. Being raped is very traumatic to a person. So whoever that guy is, be strong coz the person who will really understand and love you will yet to come. For the girl, don't stay with him, he DON'T DESERVE YOU!!!!
i honestly think really poorly about her,In my opinion,she would be doing everybody a favor if she breaks up with him.I cant understand how she suddenly finds him less''macho''just becaus he was stronger than she would ever be.
Yes absolutely leave him as soon as possible because he deserves a kind, caring, compassionate person to love him COMPLETELY, not some insane c**t who is so wrapped up in being sexually attracted to his superficial "masculine" qualities that shes incapable of loving him fully. She did him a favor by leaving, better to know she's a horrible person sooner rather than later.
I sure jump on the Yes wagon here. She sounds like a self centered ignorant kid with very little empathy if any and it might hurt but he is better off without her.
self centered ignorant person with no empathy ... He is much better off without her.
Everybody seems to want to heavily criticize this woman because she was shocked at the news that her boyfriend was raped and she reacted emotionally. I suggest that we all give her time to assess the situation rationally and decide whether to keep her relationship active.
This girl is extremely immature, and I hope that guy find a more mature girl that actually understand this, and can deal with it normally.
So men don't get to have feelings? Or have traumatic experiences that effect their lives, and express to the ones they care about? .....i hope this woman finds her jonny bravo in the end, but I sure hope she leave this guy to find the right girl for him
You have an article about toxic masculinity. Here you go - this article is about toxic femininity. Perfect balance.
Toxic masculinity doesn't mean toxic men, anymore than toxic femininity means toxic women. Toxic masculinity is a culture where men aren't considered 'proper men' if they cry or show strong emotions other than ones like anger. It's where we are taught that being manly is being dominant and tough and that these things matter over and above mental health. This women is someone who believes the toxic masculinity messages to such an extent that she's let them colour how she views this man.
Load More Replies...My heart goes to all, children, men or women that have been raped, At any age, each situation is different, but the horror is the same, the trauma lived afterwards, would be indescribable !!!
All the comments of so called people, basically saying that men deserve it etc he wasnt a man he was a little boy. So do you think it's ok for it to happens to little boys? Because it happens to girls? Because rape isn't ok, no matter the stats. Nobody deserves it, whether age, sex or colour, its WRONG
He was 11 years old when raped . He is trying to heal, but this person's reaction will set him back. He will take a longer time to trust the next women in his life. Best thing for him is for her to be gone from his life. He needs to go to an assault counselor. He needs understanding.
I know it's somewhat cruel, but I really hope this thread reaches him and he dumps her, he'll be so much better without this other baggage (can't call her second as I know that the suffering only grows and accumulate over time)
Its obvious that she only dated him for his looks. Once something came up that was deeper than her superficial feelings, she freaked and ran. He was looking for a meaningful relationship. She is too vacuous to be in one. He is better off knowing now that's who she really is before going any further. You need a real woman, not a Barbie Doll!
If she can't handle the fact that there's more to someone than her twisted idea of what a man should be, then she deserves any future 'disappointment' coming her way. The way she reacted was not out of love. At all. Seems like she cares more about social status and an Instagram-like life than about those she should be there for. Wake up, at the end of the day we are all human and we all have issues, some more harrowing and heart-wrenching than others. Everyone has issues, minor, major. She just seems unable to understand his pain and overlooks the fact it took guts for him to open up to her.
It is ok to feel bufflesd, scared and confused AND not knowing how to react to such thing - francly it is not easy topic and not many ppl know how to react when told about rape - however to think less about a person that went throuhg such thing?! He is not manly enough? Not macho enough?! He managed to go on with such pain in him - to live normal life! He deseves a better person to be by his side. One day this girl finally grow up and mature and then she will realize what a pease of s%^%$t she was. But it will be to late for her. Hopfully not for him.
Counselling brings back the horror of what hapoened; it kind of has to to help and support the person to process it. He needs love, empathy and support. Not judgement and phobia. I think perhaps the young lady needs counselling to work through her prejudices and complete lack of empathy or regard
When someone who has suffered an awful trauma, such as this, starts counselling; they are so brave
😂 so she wants a dominant man, who can put her in her place at any given moment and is more of a statue, than a real person?! 😂 seriously i do not get these people... Yeah, she’s just a very dumb selfish bad person... nothing more to it. I just feel really bad for the guy, since i know how hard sharing something you’re feeling like s**t about is... he’s probably thinking less of himself after this and this s****y gf of his is just going to ruin him more... i really hate people, honestly...
If the relationship is NOT serious, she should stay and have her fun...if it’s serious, she needs to leave like yesterday!!! If such an issue is making her consider leaving, she needs to know marriage will be tough and have so much more to deal with!!! Let her spare the poor guy a marriage unlikely to last because she’s being petty over an issue that want his help...
At 20 years of age, she’s thinking like a teenager. It’s not what happened to him, but how it’s affecting her. Just another self centered lil princess who doesn’t know her a*s from a hole in the wall. Hopefully, with time, education and life experience she will become a empathetic adult.
Her attitudes just shows a lack of maturity, empathy & compassion. If it has affected her view of him that she feels weird about getting texts from him then she should end it now before he is hurt anymore. His overly macho persona is probably a direct result of his childhood rape, his way of proving to himself that he isn't gay, that he's a mans man, he deserves support & compassion & probably needs counselling, what he doesn't need is an immature girlfriend treating him like a freak.
Seriously, a macho can also have moments of him being in tears and needing a tight hug from a loved one— because all machos are human and humans have the full range of emotions going, so crying and needing to be comforted is normal for any person. As someone have already mentioned: it’s very strong of him to try and overcome what he went through, and grew up to be a successful person who takes well care of himself (from how she described him at the beginning). I believe it was a risky thing to tell a 20 year old whom he was dating for only 5 months such private details, because many 20 year olds are immature (though many 20 year olds would have the maturity to understand that he’s still macho and strong and even moreso for opening up about what happened to him— but there are definitely some 20 year olds who just don’t have the depth necessary and it is further traumatizing to deal with immature responses— this is exactly what he’s dealing with now, unfortunately).
I know quite a few men who were sexually abused as children. Men need support just as much as women. This woman is trash.
she definitely got the bashing she deserved. Part of me is hoping she was trolling, part hopes that (if not) they broke up so he could find a thoughtful & caring girlfriend that he deserves. Part of me is just in shock at what i read...
What an immature, selfish little brat she is!! This brave, gutsy man went through a horrific experience as a child, has made himself into a decent human being, and has the strength to get counselling [which will be bringing all those awful memories flooding back as if it only happened yesterday]. Then, he tells someone who he thinks loves and cares for him -- and what does this excuse for a human being do? She rejects him for something that he had no control over, and blabs about it on social media! What a prize she is! Not. Dump this shallow person, and don't let her attitude stop you from going back to your counsellor, or closing your heart to finding someone else who will give the support and love you need and deserve!
i pray he is strong and does not let this get to him, hard as it will be but she is not worth it and we are all for you please know that and dont do anything stupid , we love you and care even if we dont know you, She is not worth the ground she walks on and is so shallow .
She's obviously an air-head, thoughtless bimbo. The guy seems way smarter than she is, as well as way more "together" than she. If this incident had not happened (sadly, too late to think about that) they'd probably grow apart, because she probably is unable to talk about anything but her fingernails and People Magazine, and probably hasn't read a book since she flunked out of high school.
How could he "take her back" after she treated him this way and walked out? She's got some SERIOUS atoning to do.
Im probably the only person in two minds about this.. Our emotional reaction to events are not always what we expect or desire, but it's how we act that matters. I know someone who was in a similar situation, and she didn't understand why she wanted to distance herself when he told her. But she acted, persuaded him to start therapy, stayed his friend when they split for a while... They're married now.
Well, it looks like he will be better off without her. It is something that everyone can't stand up to. You can't predict what would have happened in the future. Since he is starting therapy I think he is better off. He shouldn't be seriously dating right now. Once he starts to physically and emotionally heal he might find out she isn't right for him. Hopefully his true friends will stand by him.
I couldn't finish reading her responses to people ripping her a new a******s. Makes me sick and very sad for her now ex boyfriend, and how stupid she is. She doesn't deserve love.
You say she doesn't deserve love. You are harsher than she is. Does that make you undeserving of love?
Load More Replies...I honestly wish someone would spit in her face for me, because even THAT is less DISGUSTING then what I just read! I mean there's basic ignorance and then there's HER!
I think her opinion is appaling. But to be honest, this is what a lot of female rape victims go through. Being made to feel that they are damaged and in some way tainted. It's a common reaction but it's about time that it stopped.
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I am also wondering if she is a troll who is doing this for attention and to get everyone riled up.? Why would you put up something like that... just wondering. Of course a man who is raped is the same victim; a child with no way of protecting themselves.
To this "(EX-) girlfriend"... A real man is tough and 'macho'. But a real man is also human and have emotions like any other human being. Nobody likes being raped. Young as he was when he had this traumatic experience, i can only imagine the pain and can't understand what is going on, let alone forced into it. To face your fears and live on and try to move on, that itself is as tough as it gets. ' 20 y/o woman'? Nope... You are just a girl who just wanna have fun... I suppose if you date a toughguy redneck biker, you wont expect him to hold a door open for you, eh? I hope your son gets raped one day and then we'll see if you still have a macho son... Yes, my opinions and words are harsh, but some people don't learn until extreme cases are presented to them. To the macho, toughguy... I think you are more than a man than you think you are. Do not be ashamed of what was never your fault. You are who you are. Doesn't make you a lesser human being.
There is some good here...at least by being honest she can hopefully work out her own issues and realize that her responses are inappropriate to society. With social media, I see either people advertising their lives as perfect, making other people feel badly about themselves, or mean people, cutting down others for no reason. If we were all more real and honest, maybe we can make some progress in making society better. Her reaction was not that empathetic or nice...hopefully some of the more constructive comments help her in those arenas...
I have nothing to add: DITTO on every word that has been said above.
We need feminism, now moe than ever. And an end to these damaging gender stereotypes. Yes, there are some difference between men and women - but nowhere near enough to justfiy this disgusting Tough action man vs vapid, uncapable princess s**t. It has to end!
Before you break up with him, why don't you try going with him to counseling or find a counselor on your own, and see if you can get a different perspective ....
No she doesn't. What she needs is a good slap across the face so she can snap back to reality, you c**t. Empathy doesn't heal everything.
Load More Replies...But she's gone off him BECAUSE he revealed he was raped, no other reason. His confession 'shattered her image of him'. It shouldn't make any difference. I know someone who was raped as a child and when she told her, now husband, it made no difference to how he felt about her.
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