Girlfriend Complained That BF Isn’t Affectionate Enough, He Fixed The Issue By Treating Her Like A Dog, And The Internet Doesn’t Know What To Think Anymore
Interview
Believe it or not, each one of us has a slightly different, unique set of brains (even identical twins, who have the same genes but with tiny differences). Naturally, that means sometimes some of us might have a much harder time adjusting their emotional capacity to fulfill the expectations of others.
Confronted by a similar dilemma after his girlfriend expressed a lack of affection from his side, the author of this r/confessions story — admittedly, a “very reserved” person — decided to apply the same set of tricks that kept his dog happy. Treats, cuddles, the whole shebang. After all, it was his good girl he confessed to loving the most — and we ain’t talking about the significant other.
Seeing that man’s best friend aren’t that different from us — we all like snacks and belly rubs, don’t we — the boyfriend’s approach worked like a charm. In disbelief over how easy it was to roll over and steal a few tricks from his dog’s playbook, the author decided to share his success story to see what others might have to say about it.
Man’s best friend can teach us about love, compassion, and true happiness
Image credits: Sharon McCutcheon (not the actual photo)
Occasionally, dogs can also help to solve our relationship problems — even if it means you’ll have to start treating your partner like one
Image credits: THIS_IS_4P**N
Dog owners often say that our four-legged, bone-chewing friends can do no harm. Yes, they are loyal until their final breath (remember the legend of Hachikō?), they get excited whenever we get back home and, according to a new study, they make for a better and happier relationship. Yet, don’t get too excited because another study showed that almost 40% of all dog owners are more likely to choose their doggos over their partners. Which makes more sense after reading the author’s confession.
Called “deceptive affection,” a term used to describe sweet nothings some may choose to whisper in their lover’s ear to keep the relationship afloat, it’s a phenomenon that is not entirely uncommon. Surprisingly, studies show that on a regular basis, long-term partners in stable relationships do this more than three times per week on average. And the reason for that is simple: they are aware of the benefits of exaggerated affection, same as dog owners are aware of the benefits of doggy snacks.
Dr. Madeleine Holland, an assistant professor of instruction in the Department of Communication Studies at the University of Texas, studied this universal phenomenon extensively. Turns out, there’s a direct link between a partner’s attractiveness and the frequency one deploys deceptive affection to keep them happy.
“The idea that something that we take as ‘always good’, such as showing affection to our partners, can actually be much more complicated,” Holland told Bored Panda, explaining her reasoning for doing the research. “Understanding more about those types of phenomena leaves more room for understanding the nuances in relationships that are so complex — such as those that we form with romantic partners.”
Not everyone agreed with the way author chose to fix his problems
Contrary to what some might think about a person who deliberately chooses to exaggerate their affection to win their partner back, Holland thinks that deceptive affection can go both ways. “You might be able to suggest that these people are invested in their partners and care for the health and longevity of their relationship (both benefitting the self and the other).” She also reminds us that it’s never wise to “impute the characteristics of a person based on a single behavior.”
For those who have trouble meeting their partner’s expectations — whether it’s a lack of affection or sweet but rarely deployed affirmations — Holland suggests starting with an honest conversation — a pillar on which relationships are built. “Oftentimes we ‘miss’ the signals that our partners may be sending us to show us affection (for example, maybe they took out the trash when they noticed you were working late, and you just didn’t see it or didn’t understand this as an act of love),” Holland explained.
“The best advice there is to have an honest conversation about how each person in the relationship expresses and receives affection.” So before you go ahead and start to treat your partner like a Pomeranian, remember no amount of doggie snacks or belly rubs will fix your relationship problems better than a sincere, (emotionally) naked pillow talk.
Cut this guy a break, he's found something that works for them as a couple and that is great. I'm glad he is able to experience expressing his emotions more with another person. Go him!
Humans are wired to be touched. Hugging and touching increases the level of our "bonding hormone" Oxytocin. Everybody should get enough of that in childhood..
yes and no. some people are tactile defensive, myself for example. I prefer to not have people invade my space.
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Not sure why people think it's bad to love a dog you've had for 6 years more than a person you've been dating for 1.
Because a lot of people still see dogs are objects and not beings
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Well, it sometimes needs animals to break thorugh decades of negative conditioning. He has learned to deeply hide his emitions - probably for good reason. The dog helps him to re-learn. I think it's great.
I think also he sees that it's worth the effort with his dog. And now he is seeing it's worth the effort with his girlfriend. My guess is it becomes more natural the more you do it.
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This is great advice, my wife has never been overly affectionate to me, but maybe if I tell her to treat me like the cat.
His dog taught him how to love, I see nothing wrong with this. His relationship with a person got better from what he learned through his dog. Dont see why its a problem at all.
I don’t see the issue. Whatever works go for it. As long as you don’t think your girlfriend is a dog you should be fine
More worried if he treats his dog like his girlfriend
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A very long time ago, I read in Readers Digest that you should treat your spouse as a beloved pet. I've been married for 35 years and have a very happy relationship. I have always loved my pets so very much, much more than humans, so he's had a pretty good life. He knows my philosophy about this.💖
Someone hit the nail on the head when they pointed out he's not being level headed or reserved, it's that he doesn't allow himself to be vulnerable around anyone/thing except the dog. This means he'll never fully open up to his girlfriend, she'll always be second place, she'll never be a partner, she's going to be a 'pet' just like the dog, but the dog will be higher in the hierarchy of his affection (made clear when he said he'd choose the dog over her. Why did he need to bring that up unless he's already permanently placed her beneath the dog in his affection?). Some see this guy as being clever in finding some way to deal with his relationship, sadly, as I've been in her situation, I don't see that. I see someone who's treating his girlfriend like a pet instead of a partner, even making it clear when stating "she's so happy, and can't understand how i turned my emotions around so easily". You didn't turn them around, you just learned how to manipulate her better so she shuts up.
My dog as never given me the cold shoulder because I had to work late. My dog doesn't expect me to go shopping with her..my dog doesn't sit for hours on the couch watching CSI, Gray's lobotomy, or stupid shows on people buying, selling or redecorating houses. My dog always happy to see me, gets up and runs over to say hello. Her love is unconditional, if I'm in a bad mood she comes over and licks my hand, or gives me one of her toys. She never holds a grudge, even when I have to leave her at the Kennels. In exchange I take care of her, live her, let her on the sofa and play scratchy scratchy in the mornings. Song for dog lovers==>https://youtu.be/Q7-PfzpQcJs
He said in the comments, he's had his dog 5 years longer than the gf. Why would you think he'd love the gf more?
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I love this. Poor guy doesn’t know how to be lovey only to realize that he does! So many creatures need the same thing-cuddles, pets and sweet words. I let my dog, my husband and my kids in almost the same way and they love it.
Is it consensual? Yes? Is anyone being harmed? No? Then people need to gtfo, it's the couple's business not anyone else's.
Really though. People literally have pony play fetishes. Live and let live, and don't ask too many question. Lol
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I remeber an old movie with Sandra Dee, where she uses a dog's training book to please her husband!
Actually I understand this from my own experience. I'm autistic (only diagnosed as an adult), and when I got into a serious relationship for the very first time, my girlfriend complained I was more affectionate to my cat than to her. My cat was what I was used to, and this relationship was new and exciting, but being vulnerable was also a bit scary. However, I loved her and she was worth trying to change my behavior for. It helped me to open myself up to her and give her affection as I would do to my cat. Well, apparently it worked, because showing mutual affection is no longer a problem. It also started to feel much more natural for me over time. We're together now for many years, and we even married. My neurodiversity is still an obstacle sometimes, but we learned together how to deal with it.
Shouldn't the headline read, "Girlfriend gets what she asks for"?
If somone would treat me like i treat my cat, i´d be the happiest and spoiled person in the world.
Don't understand why Suzi is down voted. It is sad. It's sad because he admitted he loved her less. He talked about how much he loves the dog. It's all about the dog.So, instead of having a healthy talk with the human gf, he is simply relying on a behavior that is dishonest and manipulative. "Oh, this works, that'll shut her up." If I as the gf got wind of this, I'd be out immediately. This is not how I'd want to be "loved." Note: it's one thing to keep your animals as opposed to the SO if they wanted you to get rid of them, it's another to actually love them more.
He found a way to make himself and her happy simultaneously amazing but he just bad at explaining what he did
My husband is not given to frequent displays. Our cat is excessively affectionate. I told my husband I was a bit ashamed, but I felt a bit jealous that he came home and ran to the cat. He admitted he was jealous that I curled up with the cat in the evenings. We started jokingly treating each other like the cat. We are now more cuddly, and cat is happy in the middle.
Well... whatever works. At the same time I agree that he seems very afraid to be vulnerable with her and by pretending she is similar to a dog he get no closer to sharing genuine emotions with her. It's a way of creating distance by playing a role. It might be a quick fix for now but it won't build a stronger relationship in the long run because that requires both parties to actually sacrifice something (and by that I mean be open to be vulnerable).
My hubby is similar to this guy. He's learning to show empathy instead of solutions sometimes. Cause that's what I like. I also told him I'm basically a cat. It just takes affection, food and coziness to make me happy and I don't like people that much. It's easy for him to remember that and he thinks it's cute. So you do you, man! I think this is an impressive showmanship of change and adaptation and more people should learn from this guy.
This is great! We learn best by copying someone else who does it well. Maybe he didn't have a family who showed affection, but he's found a model he can use, and clearly it works for both of them. I love that he didn't reject her or get defensive but went away and thought about how he could meet her needs. If that's how they work together they have a long and happy future ahead of them.
I don't think that's a forever thing. Relationships grow deeper over time. I'm sure if they stayed together or got married he'd love them both very deeply and someday could never choose between them. But as a girlfriend he hasn't created that depth with her yet, nor is he completely, undoubtedly certain they will last.
Load More Replies... this reminds me of an adorable movie with sandra dee, If a Man Answers
It's all fun and games until she brings it to the bedroom. Never making eye contact. Hey little fella. Oh whose a good boy. Whose a good boy.
Emotional compatibility is the key to a relationship. Once you can fake that, you're in.
Not being able to express affection and not having affection are two different things. The guy stated that he loves his dog more than his girlfriend. He's basically in love with his dog and is keeping the GF as a pet to fulfill some other need. He's also keeping her captive under false pretenses. He needs to tell her how he truly feels and allow the GF to make an informed decision. She's basically his Real Doll. Classic narcissistic manipulator.
I don't think it is your calling to tell him what "he needs to do". Or her, for that matter.
Load More Replies... This sounds like an asperger manipulator or something. He doesn’t really show affection, he is pretending. I don’t like this
er if he is aspergers then he can't fix it. are you saying aspies don't deserve to be happy etc?
Load More Replies... Cut this guy a break, he's found something that works for them as a couple and that is great. I'm glad he is able to experience expressing his emotions more with another person. Go him!
Humans are wired to be touched. Hugging and touching increases the level of our "bonding hormone" Oxytocin. Everybody should get enough of that in childhood..
yes and no. some people are tactile defensive, myself for example. I prefer to not have people invade my space.
Load More Replies... Not sure why people think it's bad to love a dog you've had for 6 years more than a person you've been dating for 1.
Because a lot of people still see dogs are objects and not beings
Load More Replies... Well, it sometimes needs animals to break thorugh decades of negative conditioning. He has learned to deeply hide his emitions - probably for good reason. The dog helps him to re-learn. I think it's great.
I think also he sees that it's worth the effort with his dog. And now he is seeing it's worth the effort with his girlfriend. My guess is it becomes more natural the more you do it.
Load More Replies... This is great advice, my wife has never been overly affectionate to me, but maybe if I tell her to treat me like the cat.
His dog taught him how to love, I see nothing wrong with this. His relationship with a person got better from what he learned through his dog. Dont see why its a problem at all.
I don’t see the issue. Whatever works go for it. As long as you don’t think your girlfriend is a dog you should be fine
More worried if he treats his dog like his girlfriend
Load More Replies... A very long time ago, I read in Readers Digest that you should treat your spouse as a beloved pet. I've been married for 35 years and have a very happy relationship. I have always loved my pets so very much, much more than humans, so he's had a pretty good life. He knows my philosophy about this.💖
Someone hit the nail on the head when they pointed out he's not being level headed or reserved, it's that he doesn't allow himself to be vulnerable around anyone/thing except the dog. This means he'll never fully open up to his girlfriend, she'll always be second place, she'll never be a partner, she's going to be a 'pet' just like the dog, but the dog will be higher in the hierarchy of his affection (made clear when he said he'd choose the dog over her. Why did he need to bring that up unless he's already permanently placed her beneath the dog in his affection?). Some see this guy as being clever in finding some way to deal with his relationship, sadly, as I've been in her situation, I don't see that. I see someone who's treating his girlfriend like a pet instead of a partner, even making it clear when stating "she's so happy, and can't understand how i turned my emotions around so easily". You didn't turn them around, you just learned how to manipulate her better so she shuts up.
My dog as never given me the cold shoulder because I had to work late. My dog doesn't expect me to go shopping with her..my dog doesn't sit for hours on the couch watching CSI, Gray's lobotomy, or stupid shows on people buying, selling or redecorating houses. My dog always happy to see me, gets up and runs over to say hello. Her love is unconditional, if I'm in a bad mood she comes over and licks my hand, or gives me one of her toys. She never holds a grudge, even when I have to leave her at the Kennels. In exchange I take care of her, live her, let her on the sofa and play scratchy scratchy in the mornings. Song for dog lovers==>https://youtu.be/Q7-PfzpQcJs
He said in the comments, he's had his dog 5 years longer than the gf. Why would you think he'd love the gf more?
Load More Replies... I love this. Poor guy doesn’t know how to be lovey only to realize that he does! So many creatures need the same thing-cuddles, pets and sweet words. I let my dog, my husband and my kids in almost the same way and they love it.
Is it consensual? Yes? Is anyone being harmed? No? Then people need to gtfo, it's the couple's business not anyone else's.
Really though. People literally have pony play fetishes. Live and let live, and don't ask too many question. Lol
Load More Replies... I remeber an old movie with Sandra Dee, where she uses a dog's training book to please her husband!
Actually I understand this from my own experience. I'm autistic (only diagnosed as an adult), and when I got into a serious relationship for the very first time, my girlfriend complained I was more affectionate to my cat than to her. My cat was what I was used to, and this relationship was new and exciting, but being vulnerable was also a bit scary. However, I loved her and she was worth trying to change my behavior for. It helped me to open myself up to her and give her affection as I would do to my cat. Well, apparently it worked, because showing mutual affection is no longer a problem. It also started to feel much more natural for me over time. We're together now for many years, and we even married. My neurodiversity is still an obstacle sometimes, but we learned together how to deal with it.
Shouldn't the headline read, "Girlfriend gets what she asks for"?
If somone would treat me like i treat my cat, i´d be the happiest and spoiled person in the world.
Don't understand why Suzi is down voted. It is sad. It's sad because he admitted he loved her less. He talked about how much he loves the dog. It's all about the dog.So, instead of having a healthy talk with the human gf, he is simply relying on a behavior that is dishonest and manipulative. "Oh, this works, that'll shut her up." If I as the gf got wind of this, I'd be out immediately. This is not how I'd want to be "loved." Note: it's one thing to keep your animals as opposed to the SO if they wanted you to get rid of them, it's another to actually love them more.
He found a way to make himself and her happy simultaneously amazing but he just bad at explaining what he did
My husband is not given to frequent displays. Our cat is excessively affectionate. I told my husband I was a bit ashamed, but I felt a bit jealous that he came home and ran to the cat. He admitted he was jealous that I curled up with the cat in the evenings. We started jokingly treating each other like the cat. We are now more cuddly, and cat is happy in the middle.
Well... whatever works. At the same time I agree that he seems very afraid to be vulnerable with her and by pretending she is similar to a dog he get no closer to sharing genuine emotions with her. It's a way of creating distance by playing a role. It might be a quick fix for now but it won't build a stronger relationship in the long run because that requires both parties to actually sacrifice something (and by that I mean be open to be vulnerable).
My hubby is similar to this guy. He's learning to show empathy instead of solutions sometimes. Cause that's what I like. I also told him I'm basically a cat. It just takes affection, food and coziness to make me happy and I don't like people that much. It's easy for him to remember that and he thinks it's cute. So you do you, man! I think this is an impressive showmanship of change and adaptation and more people should learn from this guy.
This is great! We learn best by copying someone else who does it well. Maybe he didn't have a family who showed affection, but he's found a model he can use, and clearly it works for both of them. I love that he didn't reject her or get defensive but went away and thought about how he could meet her needs. If that's how they work together they have a long and happy future ahead of them.
I don't think that's a forever thing. Relationships grow deeper over time. I'm sure if they stayed together or got married he'd love them both very deeply and someday could never choose between them. But as a girlfriend he hasn't created that depth with her yet, nor is he completely, undoubtedly certain they will last.
Load More Replies... this reminds me of an adorable movie with sandra dee, If a Man Answers
It's all fun and games until she brings it to the bedroom. Never making eye contact. Hey little fella. Oh whose a good boy. Whose a good boy.
Emotional compatibility is the key to a relationship. Once you can fake that, you're in.
Not being able to express affection and not having affection are two different things. The guy stated that he loves his dog more than his girlfriend. He's basically in love with his dog and is keeping the GF as a pet to fulfill some other need. He's also keeping her captive under false pretenses. He needs to tell her how he truly feels and allow the GF to make an informed decision. She's basically his Real Doll. Classic narcissistic manipulator.
I don't think it is your calling to tell him what "he needs to do". Or her, for that matter.
Load More Replies... This sounds like an asperger manipulator or something. He doesn’t really show affection, he is pretending. I don’t like this
er if he is aspergers then he can't fix it. are you saying aspies don't deserve to be happy etc?
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