“Am I The Jerk For Eating At My Boyfriend’s Family’s Christmas Dinner?”

Yep he definitely is a lying controlling manipulator. I'm sure he's done this before but she chose to ignore it bc he didn't get as mad as he did this time.

Same here. Most Arab men I know are very controlling of their partners and this was definitely about him being angry she might get fat. The girl is an idiot for staying with him.

Agreed. My step mum is anorexic & really weird about what others eat- all boils down to control.

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I think it was the fact that she took equal helpings of everything on the table first. He obviously expected her to have less, which in turn would leave the parents more. And he meant 'greedy', not 'fat'.

Also what is it with people lately assuming their bf/gf should read their minds? I mean it's not like we are talking about a decade together and you probably should have know these "rules." It's always a few months to a year and meeting people for the first time and then getting slammed for not KNOWING the "rules."

He lied about the customs of arab culture. She seems to have never been invited to an arab household otherwise she wouldnt have believed him that they expect such a ridiculous thing. Good for her checking on him by talking to his mother. Unfortunately he spun a second lie after that. Arabs take care of the parents and do not under any circusumstances leave them with even the possibility of beeing hungry. He is seriously embarrassing himself and his parents by demanding a guest should eat little. Shame on him. He wants to control her weight. Typical Narcissist.

Believe me, every Mediterranean and/or Middle-eastern culture -including the Arabs- is just like your culture, when it comes to eating. The aunties wont leave you alone until you eat enough for a heart attack, and pack the rest for you to take home. There is a specific problem with the BF here.

I think it's just all grandmas honestly. I'd knock at my man's to drop something off and end up with a bowl of stew or some sort of massively large sandwich before I'd even realised what happened

It was never about culture. He was lying to gaslight her. He lied about it being culture because that is pretty unassailable. People usually defer pretty unquestioningly to whatever people say about their own culture. He didn't expect her to check up on him. It sounds like he was just kicking up whatever dust he could find to "win". Not really playing 3D chess here. I don't think he spent a whole lot of time contemplating an internally consistent strategy.

That's how it was with my dad's black family. They wanted to make sure that you were well fed.

Yeah, I think if there's a culture clash it's best to leave individuals to practice their norms and let others practice theirs, and simply explain the difference without imposing them other people.

Hell yeah he was! My husband is Hispanic and if I don't at least take a PLATE of food home, my mother in law will think I didn't like the food. I learned that early on. We don't (I'm just plain old white and southern) necessarily take food home, unless it's a pot luck and then everyone is insisting on it, but we are encouraged to clean our plate. It's just rude not to. That dude is an asshole

Yes! I just read a really interesting book, called "The Rituals of Dinner," that was about how pretty much all human cultures consider it very important to show good manners while eating...but differ widely in exactly what that means. There are cultures where it's polite to eat a lot, cultures where it's polite to eat a little, cultures where you're expected to eat a little and take home a parcel of leftovers for family members who weren't invited, cultures where it's good manners to stay until the food is gone, even if that takes several meals...huge range of variation. Even before the reveal about the boyfriend's weird gaslighting, I was wondering how he could be totally unaware that customs vary in this area, especially if (as seems to be the case) he lives in a place where his cultural background is not the majority.

Absolutely! I would say many cultures it is considered polite to eat what is offered & show you are enjoying. (It is also impolite to turn up empty handed in UK though). Incredibly disrespectful of her culture & red flag.

Algerian on my father side, if I don't eat everything on the table my grandmother would be very upset

Greek YiaYias put on an awesome spread.

You forgot the Greek YiaYias.

Well yes, and no. Arab/Islam culture goes wherever you are, doesn't matter if you're in america, or paris, or wherever. Also if the bf isn't lying and the parents are having a financial problem (which they most likely are) then his words are reasonable, also all of y'all's words (not you nunyu) shows how little you know about arab culture.

To be fair, in arab culture eating too much at a guests house is forbidden, but also, eating too little is also forbidden. The boyfriend is right culture wise, but I still don't 100% trust him.