Woman Calls It Quits After Boyfriend’s Daughter Destroyed Her Photos And Used Them For Her Scrapbook
When you are starting a relationship with a person who has children, you are entering a family and it can get tricky if you don’t really get along with them or don’t agree with the person’s parenting style.
For Reddit user PoloPurr, it wasn’t just tricky, but an actual disaster instead, and she had to break up with her boyfriend of one and a half years because she was tired of his destructive daughter and his incompetence as a parent.
More info: Reddit
A woman with a child started a relationship with a guy who also had a kid, but she wasn’t ready for how different she was from her son
Image credits: yamunah2002 (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is a mom to an 11-year-old boy and for a year and a half, she was seeing a guy who has a daughter who will turn 10 soon. The mom is proud that her son is well-behaved and communicates with her when he wants something, but that is not the case with the girl, as she witnessed when the couple started visits with the kids.
It seems that the boy and the girl get along, but Chrissy is very destructive and keeps ruining the walls, the mattress, using up shampoo and conditioner all at once. It is hard to talk to her about her behavior because she starts stomping and knocking things off the walls.
The couple started spending weekends together and they were glad that their children were getting along
Image credits: PoloPurr
The OP isn’t the girl’s mom, so she doesn’t think she has a right to parent her, but she is also not satisfied with how her partner handles her misbehaving. All he does is tell his daughter that she knows she shouldn’t do that, to which the girl replies that she already heard him the last time.
Despite all the troubles, the OP allowed her boyfriend to come with his daughter for visits on weekends. But this time was the last, because after having to leave for a little bit, the OP came back home to Chrissy cutting pictures from a photo album from the time she was in foster care and had pictures of her dead friends she didn’t have copies of.
But when the girl came to OP’s house, she would always ruin something like the wall, the mattress or use up the whole shampoo bottle
Image credits: PoloPurr
The photos had sentimental value and it was heartbreaking to see them destroyed, but what was even worse was that her boyfriend didn’t seem to care about it. So she ordered them both out and ended the relationship then and there because she couldn’t deal with her things being destroyed by his daughter.
In the comments, the OP added that she doesn’t know where parts of the photos are because she couldn’t find them in the trash, so the girl must have taken them, because otherwise, the woman would have taken them to restore.
The dad wouldn’t discipline the girl and the OP didn’t think it was her place to be the parent for her
Image credits: PoloPurr
According to Harley Therapy, losing something loved that isn’t a person can cause similarly devastating emotions to mourning someone’s death. But it usually isn’t the “actual thing itself that we are mourning. It’s what the thing represented to us” that’s why it makes us feel emotional.
We can only guess what the photos represented to the OP, but it’s quite clear that she was over the disrespect both from her boyfriend and his daughter who kept disregarding her requests not to destroy her belongings.
However, she decided to end the matter after the girl took her photo album and cut up her childhood photos for her scrapbook
Image credits: PoloPurr
Also, it is quite concerning how the boyfriend didn’t think cutting up photos is a big deal, because 65 percent of Americans who participated in a survey initiated by Shinola said that the most cherished family items are photos. So even if the OP’s boyfriend didn’t care for his own family photos, surely, he should understand that others may.
Granted, people nowadays take pictures of everything and our phones are full of random photos that don’t really mean a lot to us, but the ones that show a time that you can’t go back to are different. They show your life story and your history. They reflect who you are and where you came from.
Image credits: PoloPurr
They are a material expression of when you lived a different life with different people and even though nothing can take away those memories, it’s nice to have something tangible to display them.
UK behavioral psychologist Jo Hemmings says that looking at pictures actually evokes positive emotions because “Our photos remind us of people, pets, places and activities that we love as well as helping us to remember the past. This has been shown to reduce our stress and enhance our mood and overall wellbeing.”
If the photo is funny or captures important and fun moments of your and your loved ones’ lives, it “reduces cortisol and adrenaline, which are the hormones responsible for anxiety.” And if you have those photos put in a place where you can constantly see them, they “provide regular psychological positive reinforcement by reminding us of ‘social bond enhancement’ – essentially what and who are important to us.”
The boyfriend didn’t think it was a big deal, but those photos had important sentimental value to them
Image credits: PoloPurr
Image credits: Evan Delshaw (not the actual photo)
People in the comments didn’t have trouble understanding why the girl ruining the OP’s photos pushed her to break up with her boyfriend and were surprised that she lasted that long. They also pointed out that the guy probably isn’t a good father because such behavior from a kid usually means that they are not getting their needs met and in this way they are asking for attention.
Do you think the OP was being a jerk and overreacted in the situation? Do you agree with other redditors who said that she was right to break up with the man? Also, do you think it is possible to be with someone and love them but not love their kids? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
People in the comments sympathized with the OP and supported her decision to cut the ties with that man
At this age it's not child games anymore it's a little psycho not wanting to share her dad
That's exactly what I thought. She wasn't comfortable being in "the other woman's" house and couldn't hold back the urge to wreck something. Shame on the dad for rushing enmeshment and not addressing her behavior.
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My daughter has a neighborhood friend that does stuff like this. She's a child of a really toxic divorce and I try to have compassion for her, but when she carved her name into a piece of my antique furniture my grandparents left me, I was done. She's very possessive of my daughter and there were other friends over which is what I think triggered her to do this.
Your daughter needs to find other friends. If she’d done that at my place she’d have not welcome in my house anymore. I hope you spoke to one of her parents about her behaviour
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This is not normal "acting out" behavior at all, this could be a true personality disorder. OP is right to put them both in the rearview mirror. I hope the father gets his daughter some help before it's too late, but it doesn't sound like he's much of a parent.
A lot of parents encourage it. Because they are pissy at the other parent, or at the new girlfriend,/wife.
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This is a child that is severely acting up and rebelling. This child needs counseling. That being said, it is not up to some lady dad is dating to do that, nor put up with it. Dad needs to be a man, and look out for his kid.
OP is right to say goodbye to this relationship. Her partner knew that his kid was incredibly destructive, but he refused to watch over the little darling when OP left the house. (I know Dad is often on the phone to his parents, but phones are mobile! Take your phone and sit next to your kid, buddy, or take her home.) OP can't get her photos back, but she can protect the items she has left, including her sanity. As we say in the U.S., "Good riddance to bad rubbish," or, more earthily, "Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya."
"Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya" that's BRILLIANT 😆😆😆😆
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This is Divorced Dad syndrome. I've had two relationships with divorced dads with daughters. These actions are power plays to make sure OP "knows her place". The kid has no boundaries because on the rare occasions Dad says No, she knows it's a speed bump but never a brick wall. NTA
I don't think they're thought out power plays. But I have noticed divorced parents sometimes spoil their kids because they don't want to be the "bad guy" to their co-parent. Unfortunately, that's backwards because good parents are parents that set boundaries and consistent age-appropriate consequences.
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A year and a half down the drain? F**k off, OP's entire past/childhood has been thrown down the drain with the destruction of these photos. That kid deserves punishment, before she becomes a full on karen psycho.
And this is why I don't date people with kids. The couple of times I did I was either dealing with some baby momma drama or psycho kid c**p. Don't get me wrong I'm a single parent and my kid is now grown but when she was younger I raised her to know better than to pull any c**p like that...and her father knew better than to mess around in my business. But the guys that I've dated that had children were lax in their discipline when it came to the kid. The one that broke the camels back for me was this one guy whose kid managed to smear sh*t across a wall in a fit of rage and got mad cause I wouldn't clean it up because he was squeamish. Was like "not my wall, not my sh*t...and peace out!"
This father needs to step up and parent. I feel for him because he has a parent who's not doing well, but when you have a kid, they are always the first priority. Always. And it sounds like this little girl's behavior has been allowed to progress in the wrong direction for too long.
Why is that daughter not being brought to a professional? Why is this not being addressed? She has major issues. She is going to be a dangerous adult. It is going to escalate and action should have been taken long ago. Someone should be thinking about her mental health. Is her mother in the picture?
NTA. He is and his daughter needs some serious counseling preferably, psychiatric help. Wing purposely destructive is not normal and indicates a socio/ psychopathic personality. She had no remorse doing any of this and the fact she took extremely personal pictures and destroyed them for HER scrapbook? No. No. No. The father will be in for some big problems with her soon. He also does not seem to spend enough time with her that means anything. So, be glad they are gone. Also, change the locks immediately. You never know...
So Chrissy was destroying only her stuff? Honestly they both would have been gone when she put a hole in the mattress, let alone a wall. What happens when she decides the son is a good way of hurting this woman? Because this was all about her wanting to hurt the OP. As for Dad he's an enabler to his daughter's atrocious behaviour. Life is hard enough without this c**p. NTA.
Yes, either she blames the OP for her parent's divorce, or she might think that if she can split up OP and her dad, then her parents might get back together. Either way, OP - and her belongings - including her son, would have been targets for this psychopath in the making.
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NTA, how and why you stopped yourself from saying something to hold this child to account is beyond me. You would have been perfectly within your rights to have told her she was out of order, and her dad was weak to not put a stop to this misbehaviour before. Perhaps he thought he would leave it to you to step in. You, your home and your precious keepsakes deserved respect from both of them.
Trust me moving on is the best option. I can tell you right now there is more behind this than just that little girl. I lived it. One day I got up to every key kicked off my laptop. Why? My stepdaughter didn't feel like moving it. When her dad asked what she was thinking. It turns out biomom told her to do as she wanted even destroying my stuff. She got up at 4am to watch Anime so her and her Mom could have something to talk about that day. Plus side mom didn't make the visit because she didn't sleep because she stayed up all night watching anime. This was a 30+ year old woman. Telling a child to act like a monster to bother me. Like I caused the original problems in her relationship.
that poor child. the bio mom needs to be cut away from her daughter if she’s going to use her like this.
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She did the right thing: adults and children who are destructive whether in words or actions and who never see any consequence for what they do need to see an actual ‘get the hell out’ or ‘you’re fired’ before they can *start* to be helped. And the dad is just as bad for enabling it.
the dad IS bad for enabling it. she’s a child the entire point is to raise her. it’s literally not her fault she’s not being raised. these behaviors don’t come out of nowhere hun you have to actually nurture and care for your children
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NTA. Your boyfriend's daughter hate you, either for "stealing" her dad, or because she's not the centre of attention, and does it on purpose. I hope it's just bad case of misbehaving, and not some disorder.
Absolutely NTA. She was trying to pi$$ OP off and she finally succeeded. She's far old enough to know better by that age. The fact that she had 2 cr@p parents isn't her fault and shouldn't be her problem. I'd sue him for the cost of trying to replace the photos. Some people don't learn until they're hit where it actually hurts: their wallet.
How does the stupid dad think it was about the pictures?! The thing that broke them up was his lack of respect and accountability.
It’s your home. You have every right to verbally discipline her in your home. And set boundaries. If she’s out of control, and won’t listen to you, get her out of there. She needs help. If he doesn’t like that you set the rules in your home, tough. It’s not his home. That goes for anybody.
oof, it's not just about the pictures. The pictures themselves aren't just pictures, they're memories and things the author held really dear, and the BF just shrugged it off. It's about the child's continual destructive nature and the BF's inability to address it properly so that it doesn't happen again
He thinks the photos are why she kicked them out?!?! He obviously doesn't pay attention to his own kid!!! Good riddance to bad rubbish!!! NTA times infinity!!!
Should have shaved the little girls head bald then kicked them both out.
She is not a good kid. She's a spoiled rotten brotten bratt and you need to run just as hard and as far as you can away from her father. Because hes a piece of s**t parent and you don't need him or his psycho daughter. Run. Run, because she will physically hurt you or your son before she's done.
Sounds like this kid is a psychopath in the making, hope she gets help before her behavior escalates to someone being physically harmed
She's just planned on getting rid of her daddy's new girlfriend. And she won.
NTA, this girl has serious issues she needs help working out and expressing in a healthy way. It seems to me that she has a problem with loss and attention. Grandma is sick dad is always on the phone with grandpa and now dad has a girlfriend with her own kid. She needs help and the ex BF needs to open his eyes and get her help before it gets to the point she get locked up for destruction.
No, she needs her f***y heated up and told next time she acts out or tries to retaliate it will be twice as bad and THEN FOLLOW THROUGH. We're a society of empty threats. I don't threaten, I PROMISE and CARRY THROUGH. I tell a kid, clean your room and when you're finished we'll go get double scoops of ice cream. If you *don't*, then you get grounded to your room for two days. I ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH. The kid is told in advance that I am available for answering questions (within reason) and if they don't know how to do something I will teach them. They *will* do the work, though.
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I don't know for sure what I would have done in this situation, but I think it would have been best to discontinue the weekend visits once the girl was so destructive. She's going through a really hard time between having a sick grandparent and having to adjust to a stepmother figure, and she's not adjusting well. Is it any wonder, though, when she has to sleep over with someone she's only met three months ago? Sounds to me like maybe a signal to go slower with the kids, but what do I know, maybe that's too unrealistic or gives the daughter too much control over her father's life. I just feel for her. NTA because you can break up with someone at any time--that's your prerogative.
You're failing to see the real issue- the dad not being a dad. He brushes it off making it op's problem but it's not actually okay if she corrects the child. That's his job and he's not doing it and the only option she has is to be a door mat or tell him off. She chose correctly.
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I really hope she can get those pieces back. That would destroy me, but at least it's fixable. It's theft, so if talking to the dad doesn't resolve getting them back, technically she could call the authorities if she really wanted to make an issue of it. (I mean, technically, it's destruction of property.)
She won't. Might as well consider them gone as if it were a fire. I'd still make the brat or Dad pay for them.
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OP is too kind saying "Chrissy" is a good kid. I would put her in the "hellspawn" category myself. The child needs to be in behavioral therapy, and probably should have been long ago. Dad is neglecting his responsibility as a parent, and has only himself to blame for his daughter being so destructive that she's a dealbreaker.
That guy (and probably his Ex too) is no parent! I would NEVER allow my kids to destroy any kind of property, that's not theirs or mine. Even if the photos were not of sentimental value, my kids would get an ear full! What a bad father!
No he threw a year anf galf away by allowing his daughter to be an unchecked malicious monster. That chilf has serious issues and needs a therapist. But that is his job not yours. He is defintely TAH on all counts.
I highly empathize. I'm getting out of the home and 5 year relationship that has so many similarities as we speak. My ex-girlfriend's daughter is highly ADHD, and is becoming worse as she grows. And there is no discipline, no punishment. I though my own daughters taught me patience, but it seems I just have really great daughters. Maybe my ex can find someone out there that can handle this better than I can in her eyes, and I wish her all the luck. I just can't. I've spent 5 years trying. And I'm not leaving on my own accord; I've been given the boot. I've run out of patience with her daughter, so she's run out of patience with me. So, I'll be taking all my furniture that she's screwed up with me, but at least I'm mostly physically unscathed.
I loved to cut things with scissors as a child. Like carefully cutting a square pattern on every leaf on one of my mother's plants. Accidentally cutting my clothes, cutting my hair and once my parents wedding photos. But I was 3-5 then.
I mean...I used to write on the walls when I was a kid. Or rather, just once. Was trying to show off my "mad spelling skills", to my grandmother. Was about five. Unfortunately for me, she did not see it in the same light I did lol. Aside from that, I'd generally ask for her help or permission if I wanted to borrow (or unintentionally destroy/repurpose) something in the house. She'd usually let me know if certain items or actions were alright to fuss with. Which...kinda makes me think. Kids DO look to their parents/guardians for guidance. Destructive daughter is definitely at fault for being destructive, but...she's nine. Nine, and she's already acting out, and disregarding what little participation her father is offering in regards to "consequences for one's actions". Which says a lot about her dad in the first place, if not potentially the girl's biological mother.
Load More Replies... Lack of discipline on the dad's part and his daughter seems a bit mental. I feel bad for the lady...she can't replace those photos.
Wait until Daddy hooks up with a woman who won't put up with that BS.
Load More Replies... It sounds like attention-seeking behaviour. The father is on the phone a lot and, in her eyes, you are taking away some of the time and attention she wants. She sounds very insecure. She needs help.
I would have spanked the c**p out of her backside LONG before it got to that point.
Most people would say that's abuse, but for this child she needs some kind of discipline because talking to her hasn't been helpful 😒
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Get that album Back via the dad w her there. Take ur s**t back. Tell him it's over. She's acting up because he isn't being there for her and she wants attention from you but doesn't know how to ask. And who know what her mom is like to her while this happens.
I would have let that kid leave my home in nothing but her underwear if she would cut up my stuff and then try to steal it. She can have the rest back when I'm done finding everything missing.
At 9 the kid knew better. She did this on purpose. Glad she cut her losses, it would have only gotten worse, feel bad because those photos are probably irreplaceable.
This is why I took my time finding the right man to marry and even when I did we both didn’t have kids and still don’t. Stories like this is definitely what keep us married and happy. Will not be divorced dealing with that. Little advice, the first time any child violate put a stop to it immediately. Stop being so desperate for a man.
She needs counseling IMMEDIATELY! She is acting out on purpose. She does not want these two to be together or she is just seeking attention. The OP said she fits it while her dad is on the phone a lot of times. Either way this is not the way to have a child behave. The father needs to begin setting strict boundaries now before she gets any older and is REALLY out of hand unless he wants to be a grandfather, check her out of jail or into a drug treatment program. This is overtly destructive.
The first thing she did destructive I would have been done. A problem you don't need.
Wooooow. Dad's an a*s for not instilling discipline into his one child, child's an a*s because I doubt she's that stupid. No way she's that stupid, she did all that on purpose. Weather to break them up or just use the OP as a playground for potential burning things and cutting the heads off animals, she was doing it on purpose, that child needs therapy.
Holy c**p, cannot express how infuriated I'd be over the loss of those pics, irreplaceable keepsakes from her whole life. Just gone bc of a little brat. The child needs to see a therapist. To be honest, I'd be a little scared to sleep around such a child.
this is the reason I'm not allowed with kids, cause one act like this and I can't control my anger, It's kids like this that were "beaten with a belt" back when I was a kid {i had it worse tho} People say that "oh if you beat them they don't learn" If you tuck a hot stove and it burns and hurts you, you don't flipping touch it again right? One or 2 good hard spanks to the a$$ and the kid will learn not to do that again, People wonder why kids and teens are not polite and do stuff like this, cause they are not showing it, people beat and abuse to get it to work or do nothing, hit too much the dog fights back, love to much the dog thinks its master, I'm not calling kids dogs, I'm saying were all animals and those thoughts are embedded in everyone, if you don't want to "beat" or spank, then find something like it, take a toy away, do it till they have nothing, give one back when they do good, they will learn, that's how it should be nowadays, with phones and games? that works best
I wouldn't have let it get that far. It was your house. I would have said she can't come over to MY house for visitation if she can't respect my stuff. Go to the park, or a movie, or go out to eat. If I came home to the picture thing I would have straight up lost it and gone to jail for beating the c**p out of a 10 year old. Now dude has to find somewhere else to live because he was a shitty dad. I've also lost irreplaceable pictures due to a family member being spiteful so I get it, most of them being my baby pictures.
Damned brat. And damned father. I was allways allowed to invite my firends home, but was taught to respect my parents bedroom and never show to anybody mums "secret" cupboard and her treasures - jewelry, perfumes. Oh what a seductive magic for me! When I left for college, my mom babysit my niece. Once I came for weekend, I noticed my niece had bright blue nails and found some manipulation in my jewel box. I was very annoyed and asked mum why she let my niece do what I was allways forbidden and why they disrespected my privacy. I threatened Im gonna speak with my sister but she also noticed blue and black nail polish and got angry cause she knew I was not at home and so that her daughter unattended worked in my wardrobe on her own.
NTA. Why did it take so long to kick this loser to the curb? The first time there should've been enough "red flag" to end it then. Either he's no parent or she doesn't want him being with anyone else. Take your pick, either way, he's never going to be with anyone respectable as long as that hellion is in the picture.
If asked if she was giving up 1.5 years over pictures. How about him handing over all the kids pictures and crafts and presents so he can know what losing a childhood of memories is like.
Well the little girl won that war, didn't she? She knew exactly what she was doing. Clever thing. Daddy will never find someone else for long, until he curbs her behaviour. She'll set the house on fire for the next girlfriend.
Sorry, but obviously your boyfriend is the a*****e for raising an entitled princess...photos albums are precious things and this little girl without a doubt was doing everything she could to drive a wedge between you and her dad. They're lucky you kept your cool and just told them to get out. I would have destroyed every last thing of theirs they'd brought into your home just to be fair
I fear that this child is trying so hard to get attention the wrong way. Dad's always on the phone because his mother is I'll and his dad needs backup and then there's a new women with another child. She obviously can't handle this kind of situation. Doing something good or descent won't get her much of attention from dad. If he doesn't realize that his daughter is in for some rough teenage years, forming a personality far from health for her own, let alone others...
NTA in the slightest, I mean he clearly has NO respect for you as well if he hasn't taken action about this. Her actions are directly due to his inaction to do something about it. This seems a huge red flag on him.
Ooooh, I would be locked up somewhere, my hands would be all over her or wait a weekend son home & have him handle her
What will he say if she murders someone? "Sweetie, you shouldn't have done that!", as she stands before him with her blood soaked knife. Jokes aside, something must be done before it's too late.
Am I missing something? Does the girl have a mother somewhere? Can he send her back? Sounds like either terrible parenting or she's a "bad seed".
The little brat would have been beaten bloody by either of my parents for that BS. She's in desperate need of someone (not the OP!) who isn't afraid of telling the father to SHUT UP while discipline is finally used. Every bratty kid I've dealt with (and each one professed to hate me) all cried and didn't want me to leave when the time came. That was because I actually taught them what NO was and that I cared enough to enforce it. Not by beating them, that was my authoritative parent's BS. I will spank if necessary, however I've told (and maintained) with every kid a simple formula~~if you do "A", then this occurs. If you do "B", then *that* happens. I never deviate from this and I *always* follow through. Kids need to know the rules and that there are consequences for breaking them. She would have never gotten past drawing on the walls in my home because she never would have come back until she proved she wasn't destructive. Then I would have hawked her a$$. Don't like it? Then leave.
Which we're all grateful for, as you think it's fine to whip a child with a belt.
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This kid has major emotional issues. The dad and kid are a package deal. Just as some will date and say "they are so perfect and we got along SO great until we moved in together..." That's part of the whole picture. You can get along with anyone and be on Best Behaviour if you're just out having fun and sex all the time. Things like paying bills, what their problem solving skills are, what their temper is like, what their priorities are like. I get utterly livid when I read people upset that their Perfect Person they dated turned out to be an alcoholic or lazy jerk or had a family from Hell or didn't lift a finger. Only after they were married? Please. When kids are involved, it's going to change the whole picture. I can't even imagine questioning that some person I'm dating caused so much chaos. If you're posting to an AITA thread to see if things with men are still ok or not it's time to figure out what's up with YOU and devote yourself to raising your child.
Anyone that quits a relationship,over the child like actions of a ten year old has issues too. Your kid is perfect cause you accept anything he does. Anyone that says their child doesn't do anything wrong is a liar. Kids tear s**t up. You just have to direct the craziness to the right path. Instead of blowing up like a child. Maybe give her a magazine to cut pictures out. She was probably making it for you. She sounds super creative. Kids need direction. You don't have to be someone's parent to help a kid. The only issue you have with that child is his kid is always gonna make you the #2 woman in the relationship. Just like your perfect son will be 1st in yours.
what’s gross is how many of you are targeting the CHILD and not THE ADULT neglecting this behavior!! shitty a*s f*****g dad. stop trying to psychoanalyze a 10 yr old. she’s not the f*****g devil she’s frustrated and alone. you people are sick for trying to label her as the root of the problem. hope y’all never have kids if this is how you’ll talk about them. disgusting.
She mentioned that it was cut in to slivers. How is she the a*****e? And how hard is it to believe that she didn't get some of the pieces back from that girl? The girl glued a lot of it in her scrapbook. I think you have poor reading comprehension skills.
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I recognize your name from another comment. Why do you hate women so much?
Load More Replies... At this age it's not child games anymore it's a little psycho not wanting to share her dad
That's exactly what I thought. She wasn't comfortable being in "the other woman's" house and couldn't hold back the urge to wreck something. Shame on the dad for rushing enmeshment and not addressing her behavior.
Load More Replies... My daughter has a neighborhood friend that does stuff like this. She's a child of a really toxic divorce and I try to have compassion for her, but when she carved her name into a piece of my antique furniture my grandparents left me, I was done. She's very possessive of my daughter and there were other friends over which is what I think triggered her to do this.
Your daughter needs to find other friends. If she’d done that at my place she’d have not welcome in my house anymore. I hope you spoke to one of her parents about her behaviour
Load More Replies... This is not normal "acting out" behavior at all, this could be a true personality disorder. OP is right to put them both in the rearview mirror. I hope the father gets his daughter some help before it's too late, but it doesn't sound like he's much of a parent.
A lot of parents encourage it. Because they are pissy at the other parent, or at the new girlfriend,/wife.
Load More Replies... This is a child that is severely acting up and rebelling. This child needs counseling. That being said, it is not up to some lady dad is dating to do that, nor put up with it. Dad needs to be a man, and look out for his kid.
OP is right to say goodbye to this relationship. Her partner knew that his kid was incredibly destructive, but he refused to watch over the little darling when OP left the house. (I know Dad is often on the phone to his parents, but phones are mobile! Take your phone and sit next to your kid, buddy, or take her home.) OP can't get her photos back, but she can protect the items she has left, including her sanity. As we say in the U.S., "Good riddance to bad rubbish," or, more earthily, "Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya."
"Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya" that's BRILLIANT 😆😆😆😆
Load More Replies... This is Divorced Dad syndrome. I've had two relationships with divorced dads with daughters. These actions are power plays to make sure OP "knows her place". The kid has no boundaries because on the rare occasions Dad says No, she knows it's a speed bump but never a brick wall. NTA
I don't think they're thought out power plays. But I have noticed divorced parents sometimes spoil their kids because they don't want to be the "bad guy" to their co-parent. Unfortunately, that's backwards because good parents are parents that set boundaries and consistent age-appropriate consequences.
Load More Replies... A year and a half down the drain? F**k off, OP's entire past/childhood has been thrown down the drain with the destruction of these photos. That kid deserves punishment, before she becomes a full on karen psycho.
And this is why I don't date people with kids. The couple of times I did I was either dealing with some baby momma drama or psycho kid c**p. Don't get me wrong I'm a single parent and my kid is now grown but when she was younger I raised her to know better than to pull any c**p like that...and her father knew better than to mess around in my business. But the guys that I've dated that had children were lax in their discipline when it came to the kid. The one that broke the camels back for me was this one guy whose kid managed to smear sh*t across a wall in a fit of rage and got mad cause I wouldn't clean it up because he was squeamish. Was like "not my wall, not my sh*t...and peace out!"
This father needs to step up and parent. I feel for him because he has a parent who's not doing well, but when you have a kid, they are always the first priority. Always. And it sounds like this little girl's behavior has been allowed to progress in the wrong direction for too long.
Why is that daughter not being brought to a professional? Why is this not being addressed? She has major issues. She is going to be a dangerous adult. It is going to escalate and action should have been taken long ago. Someone should be thinking about her mental health. Is her mother in the picture?
NTA. He is and his daughter needs some serious counseling preferably, psychiatric help. Wing purposely destructive is not normal and indicates a socio/ psychopathic personality. She had no remorse doing any of this and the fact she took extremely personal pictures and destroyed them for HER scrapbook? No. No. No. The father will be in for some big problems with her soon. He also does not seem to spend enough time with her that means anything. So, be glad they are gone. Also, change the locks immediately. You never know...
So Chrissy was destroying only her stuff? Honestly they both would have been gone when she put a hole in the mattress, let alone a wall. What happens when she decides the son is a good way of hurting this woman? Because this was all about her wanting to hurt the OP. As for Dad he's an enabler to his daughter's atrocious behaviour. Life is hard enough without this c**p. NTA.
Yes, either she blames the OP for her parent's divorce, or she might think that if she can split up OP and her dad, then her parents might get back together. Either way, OP - and her belongings - including her son, would have been targets for this psychopath in the making.
Load More Replies... NTA, how and why you stopped yourself from saying something to hold this child to account is beyond me. You would have been perfectly within your rights to have told her she was out of order, and her dad was weak to not put a stop to this misbehaviour before. Perhaps he thought he would leave it to you to step in. You, your home and your precious keepsakes deserved respect from both of them.
Trust me moving on is the best option. I can tell you right now there is more behind this than just that little girl. I lived it. One day I got up to every key kicked off my laptop. Why? My stepdaughter didn't feel like moving it. When her dad asked what she was thinking. It turns out biomom told her to do as she wanted even destroying my stuff. She got up at 4am to watch Anime so her and her Mom could have something to talk about that day. Plus side mom didn't make the visit because she didn't sleep because she stayed up all night watching anime. This was a 30+ year old woman. Telling a child to act like a monster to bother me. Like I caused the original problems in her relationship.
that poor child. the bio mom needs to be cut away from her daughter if she’s going to use her like this.
Load More Replies... She did the right thing: adults and children who are destructive whether in words or actions and who never see any consequence for what they do need to see an actual ‘get the hell out’ or ‘you’re fired’ before they can *start* to be helped. And the dad is just as bad for enabling it.
the dad IS bad for enabling it. she’s a child the entire point is to raise her. it’s literally not her fault she’s not being raised. these behaviors don’t come out of nowhere hun you have to actually nurture and care for your children
Load More Replies... NTA. Your boyfriend's daughter hate you, either for "stealing" her dad, or because she's not the centre of attention, and does it on purpose. I hope it's just bad case of misbehaving, and not some disorder.
Absolutely NTA. She was trying to pi$$ OP off and she finally succeeded. She's far old enough to know better by that age. The fact that she had 2 cr@p parents isn't her fault and shouldn't be her problem. I'd sue him for the cost of trying to replace the photos. Some people don't learn until they're hit where it actually hurts: their wallet.
How does the stupid dad think it was about the pictures?! The thing that broke them up was his lack of respect and accountability.
It’s your home. You have every right to verbally discipline her in your home. And set boundaries. If she’s out of control, and won’t listen to you, get her out of there. She needs help. If he doesn’t like that you set the rules in your home, tough. It’s not his home. That goes for anybody.
oof, it's not just about the pictures. The pictures themselves aren't just pictures, they're memories and things the author held really dear, and the BF just shrugged it off. It's about the child's continual destructive nature and the BF's inability to address it properly so that it doesn't happen again
He thinks the photos are why she kicked them out?!?! He obviously doesn't pay attention to his own kid!!! Good riddance to bad rubbish!!! NTA times infinity!!!
Should have shaved the little girls head bald then kicked them both out.
She is not a good kid. She's a spoiled rotten brotten bratt and you need to run just as hard and as far as you can away from her father. Because hes a piece of s**t parent and you don't need him or his psycho daughter. Run. Run, because she will physically hurt you or your son before she's done.
Sounds like this kid is a psychopath in the making, hope she gets help before her behavior escalates to someone being physically harmed
She's just planned on getting rid of her daddy's new girlfriend. And she won.
NTA, this girl has serious issues she needs help working out and expressing in a healthy way. It seems to me that she has a problem with loss and attention. Grandma is sick dad is always on the phone with grandpa and now dad has a girlfriend with her own kid. She needs help and the ex BF needs to open his eyes and get her help before it gets to the point she get locked up for destruction.
No, she needs her f***y heated up and told next time she acts out or tries to retaliate it will be twice as bad and THEN FOLLOW THROUGH. We're a society of empty threats. I don't threaten, I PROMISE and CARRY THROUGH. I tell a kid, clean your room and when you're finished we'll go get double scoops of ice cream. If you *don't*, then you get grounded to your room for two days. I ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH. The kid is told in advance that I am available for answering questions (within reason) and if they don't know how to do something I will teach them. They *will* do the work, though.
Load More Replies... I don't know for sure what I would have done in this situation, but I think it would have been best to discontinue the weekend visits once the girl was so destructive. She's going through a really hard time between having a sick grandparent and having to adjust to a stepmother figure, and she's not adjusting well. Is it any wonder, though, when she has to sleep over with someone she's only met three months ago? Sounds to me like maybe a signal to go slower with the kids, but what do I know, maybe that's too unrealistic or gives the daughter too much control over her father's life. I just feel for her. NTA because you can break up with someone at any time--that's your prerogative.
You're failing to see the real issue- the dad not being a dad. He brushes it off making it op's problem but it's not actually okay if she corrects the child. That's his job and he's not doing it and the only option she has is to be a door mat or tell him off. She chose correctly.
Load More Replies... I really hope she can get those pieces back. That would destroy me, but at least it's fixable. It's theft, so if talking to the dad doesn't resolve getting them back, technically she could call the authorities if she really wanted to make an issue of it. (I mean, technically, it's destruction of property.)
She won't. Might as well consider them gone as if it were a fire. I'd still make the brat or Dad pay for them.
Load More Replies... OP is too kind saying "Chrissy" is a good kid. I would put her in the "hellspawn" category myself. The child needs to be in behavioral therapy, and probably should have been long ago. Dad is neglecting his responsibility as a parent, and has only himself to blame for his daughter being so destructive that she's a dealbreaker.
That guy (and probably his Ex too) is no parent! I would NEVER allow my kids to destroy any kind of property, that's not theirs or mine. Even if the photos were not of sentimental value, my kids would get an ear full! What a bad father!
No he threw a year anf galf away by allowing his daughter to be an unchecked malicious monster. That chilf has serious issues and needs a therapist. But that is his job not yours. He is defintely TAH on all counts.
I highly empathize. I'm getting out of the home and 5 year relationship that has so many similarities as we speak. My ex-girlfriend's daughter is highly ADHD, and is becoming worse as she grows. And there is no discipline, no punishment. I though my own daughters taught me patience, but it seems I just have really great daughters. Maybe my ex can find someone out there that can handle this better than I can in her eyes, and I wish her all the luck. I just can't. I've spent 5 years trying. And I'm not leaving on my own accord; I've been given the boot. I've run out of patience with her daughter, so she's run out of patience with me. So, I'll be taking all my furniture that she's screwed up with me, but at least I'm mostly physically unscathed.
I loved to cut things with scissors as a child. Like carefully cutting a square pattern on every leaf on one of my mother's plants. Accidentally cutting my clothes, cutting my hair and once my parents wedding photos. But I was 3-5 then.
I mean...I used to write on the walls when I was a kid. Or rather, just once. Was trying to show off my "mad spelling skills", to my grandmother. Was about five. Unfortunately for me, she did not see it in the same light I did lol. Aside from that, I'd generally ask for her help or permission if I wanted to borrow (or unintentionally destroy/repurpose) something in the house. She'd usually let me know if certain items or actions were alright to fuss with. Which...kinda makes me think. Kids DO look to their parents/guardians for guidance. Destructive daughter is definitely at fault for being destructive, but...she's nine. Nine, and she's already acting out, and disregarding what little participation her father is offering in regards to "consequences for one's actions". Which says a lot about her dad in the first place, if not potentially the girl's biological mother.
Load More Replies... Lack of discipline on the dad's part and his daughter seems a bit mental. I feel bad for the lady...she can't replace those photos.
Wait until Daddy hooks up with a woman who won't put up with that BS.
Load More Replies... It sounds like attention-seeking behaviour. The father is on the phone a lot and, in her eyes, you are taking away some of the time and attention she wants. She sounds very insecure. She needs help.
I would have spanked the c**p out of her backside LONG before it got to that point.
Most people would say that's abuse, but for this child she needs some kind of discipline because talking to her hasn't been helpful 😒
Load More Replies... Get that album Back via the dad w her there. Take ur s**t back. Tell him it's over. She's acting up because he isn't being there for her and she wants attention from you but doesn't know how to ask. And who know what her mom is like to her while this happens.
I would have let that kid leave my home in nothing but her underwear if she would cut up my stuff and then try to steal it. She can have the rest back when I'm done finding everything missing.
At 9 the kid knew better. She did this on purpose. Glad she cut her losses, it would have only gotten worse, feel bad because those photos are probably irreplaceable.
This is why I took my time finding the right man to marry and even when I did we both didn’t have kids and still don’t. Stories like this is definitely what keep us married and happy. Will not be divorced dealing with that. Little advice, the first time any child violate put a stop to it immediately. Stop being so desperate for a man.
She needs counseling IMMEDIATELY! She is acting out on purpose. She does not want these two to be together or she is just seeking attention. The OP said she fits it while her dad is on the phone a lot of times. Either way this is not the way to have a child behave. The father needs to begin setting strict boundaries now before she gets any older and is REALLY out of hand unless he wants to be a grandfather, check her out of jail or into a drug treatment program. This is overtly destructive.
The first thing she did destructive I would have been done. A problem you don't need.
Wooooow. Dad's an a*s for not instilling discipline into his one child, child's an a*s because I doubt she's that stupid. No way she's that stupid, she did all that on purpose. Weather to break them up or just use the OP as a playground for potential burning things and cutting the heads off animals, she was doing it on purpose, that child needs therapy.
Holy c**p, cannot express how infuriated I'd be over the loss of those pics, irreplaceable keepsakes from her whole life. Just gone bc of a little brat. The child needs to see a therapist. To be honest, I'd be a little scared to sleep around such a child.
this is the reason I'm not allowed with kids, cause one act like this and I can't control my anger, It's kids like this that were "beaten with a belt" back when I was a kid {i had it worse tho} People say that "oh if you beat them they don't learn" If you tuck a hot stove and it burns and hurts you, you don't flipping touch it again right? One or 2 good hard spanks to the a$$ and the kid will learn not to do that again, People wonder why kids and teens are not polite and do stuff like this, cause they are not showing it, people beat and abuse to get it to work or do nothing, hit too much the dog fights back, love to much the dog thinks its master, I'm not calling kids dogs, I'm saying were all animals and those thoughts are embedded in everyone, if you don't want to "beat" or spank, then find something like it, take a toy away, do it till they have nothing, give one back when they do good, they will learn, that's how it should be nowadays, with phones and games? that works best
I wouldn't have let it get that far. It was your house. I would have said she can't come over to MY house for visitation if she can't respect my stuff. Go to the park, or a movie, or go out to eat. If I came home to the picture thing I would have straight up lost it and gone to jail for beating the c**p out of a 10 year old. Now dude has to find somewhere else to live because he was a shitty dad. I've also lost irreplaceable pictures due to a family member being spiteful so I get it, most of them being my baby pictures.
Damned brat. And damned father. I was allways allowed to invite my firends home, but was taught to respect my parents bedroom and never show to anybody mums "secret" cupboard and her treasures - jewelry, perfumes. Oh what a seductive magic for me! When I left for college, my mom babysit my niece. Once I came for weekend, I noticed my niece had bright blue nails and found some manipulation in my jewel box. I was very annoyed and asked mum why she let my niece do what I was allways forbidden and why they disrespected my privacy. I threatened Im gonna speak with my sister but she also noticed blue and black nail polish and got angry cause she knew I was not at home and so that her daughter unattended worked in my wardrobe on her own.
NTA. Why did it take so long to kick this loser to the curb? The first time there should've been enough "red flag" to end it then. Either he's no parent or she doesn't want him being with anyone else. Take your pick, either way, he's never going to be with anyone respectable as long as that hellion is in the picture.
If asked if she was giving up 1.5 years over pictures. How about him handing over all the kids pictures and crafts and presents so he can know what losing a childhood of memories is like.
Well the little girl won that war, didn't she? She knew exactly what she was doing. Clever thing. Daddy will never find someone else for long, until he curbs her behaviour. She'll set the house on fire for the next girlfriend.
Sorry, but obviously your boyfriend is the a*****e for raising an entitled princess...photos albums are precious things and this little girl without a doubt was doing everything she could to drive a wedge between you and her dad. They're lucky you kept your cool and just told them to get out. I would have destroyed every last thing of theirs they'd brought into your home just to be fair
I fear that this child is trying so hard to get attention the wrong way. Dad's always on the phone because his mother is I'll and his dad needs backup and then there's a new women with another child. She obviously can't handle this kind of situation. Doing something good or descent won't get her much of attention from dad. If he doesn't realize that his daughter is in for some rough teenage years, forming a personality far from health for her own, let alone others...
NTA in the slightest, I mean he clearly has NO respect for you as well if he hasn't taken action about this. Her actions are directly due to his inaction to do something about it. This seems a huge red flag on him.
Ooooh, I would be locked up somewhere, my hands would be all over her or wait a weekend son home & have him handle her
What will he say if she murders someone? "Sweetie, you shouldn't have done that!", as she stands before him with her blood soaked knife. Jokes aside, something must be done before it's too late.
Am I missing something? Does the girl have a mother somewhere? Can he send her back? Sounds like either terrible parenting or she's a "bad seed".
The little brat would have been beaten bloody by either of my parents for that BS. She's in desperate need of someone (not the OP!) who isn't afraid of telling the father to SHUT UP while discipline is finally used. Every bratty kid I've dealt with (and each one professed to hate me) all cried and didn't want me to leave when the time came. That was because I actually taught them what NO was and that I cared enough to enforce it. Not by beating them, that was my authoritative parent's BS. I will spank if necessary, however I've told (and maintained) with every kid a simple formula~~if you do "A", then this occurs. If you do "B", then *that* happens. I never deviate from this and I *always* follow through. Kids need to know the rules and that there are consequences for breaking them. She would have never gotten past drawing on the walls in my home because she never would have come back until she proved she wasn't destructive. Then I would have hawked her a$$. Don't like it? Then leave.
Which we're all grateful for, as you think it's fine to whip a child with a belt.
Load More Replies... This kid has major emotional issues. The dad and kid are a package deal. Just as some will date and say "they are so perfect and we got along SO great until we moved in together..." That's part of the whole picture. You can get along with anyone and be on Best Behaviour if you're just out having fun and sex all the time. Things like paying bills, what their problem solving skills are, what their temper is like, what their priorities are like. I get utterly livid when I read people upset that their Perfect Person they dated turned out to be an alcoholic or lazy jerk or had a family from Hell or didn't lift a finger. Only after they were married? Please. When kids are involved, it's going to change the whole picture. I can't even imagine questioning that some person I'm dating caused so much chaos. If you're posting to an AITA thread to see if things with men are still ok or not it's time to figure out what's up with YOU and devote yourself to raising your child.
Anyone that quits a relationship,over the child like actions of a ten year old has issues too. Your kid is perfect cause you accept anything he does. Anyone that says their child doesn't do anything wrong is a liar. Kids tear s**t up. You just have to direct the craziness to the right path. Instead of blowing up like a child. Maybe give her a magazine to cut pictures out. She was probably making it for you. She sounds super creative. Kids need direction. You don't have to be someone's parent to help a kid. The only issue you have with that child is his kid is always gonna make you the #2 woman in the relationship. Just like your perfect son will be 1st in yours.
what’s gross is how many of you are targeting the CHILD and not THE ADULT neglecting this behavior!! shitty a*s f*****g dad. stop trying to psychoanalyze a 10 yr old. she’s not the f*****g devil she’s frustrated and alone. you people are sick for trying to label her as the root of the problem. hope y’all never have kids if this is how you’ll talk about them. disgusting.
She mentioned that it was cut in to slivers. How is she the a*****e? And how hard is it to believe that she didn't get some of the pieces back from that girl? The girl glued a lot of it in her scrapbook. I think you have poor reading comprehension skills.
Load More Replies... I recognize your name from another comment. Why do you hate women so much?
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