Girlfriend Starts Drama After Boyfriend Chose Not To Get Her A Birthday Present, Asks The Internet If He Was Right
Presents can be a powerful tool in bringing two people together. But in this case, they drove a couple apart.
Taken to the Reddit’s “Am I the A***ole?” community, a user under the anonymous name u/throwgift1, asked if he was wrong for not buying something for his girlfriend on her birthday.
It wasn’t always like that. In fact, the guy liked surprising his partner. But eventually, he got the feeling that she only cared about receiving and grew tired of being the only one giving.
Continue scrolling to hear his story and let us know in the comments what you think of the whole situation.
Image credits: Blaise Alleyne (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Yan Krukov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwgift1
No wonder this post went viral. Gift-giving has long been a favorite subject for studies on human behavior, with psychologists, anthropologists, economists, and marketers all sharing their takes.
Interestingly, a paper by Lara B. Aknin and Lauren J. Human published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology investigated the perceptions and relational outcomes of gifts in six studies and found a strong and consistent predilection for giving and receiving recipient-centric gifts.
The researchers also discovered that the feeling of closeness engendered in the gift partner was more intense when the gift reflected the giver rather than the recipient.
In the words of the authors, “Giving a gift that reflects the giver’s true self led both givers and receivers to feel closer to one another.”
This radical example of a Reddit post aside, some people stop doing gifts after, consciously cutting back on spending. But psychologists say that abandoning this practice with loved ones may not be the best solution.
People who refuse to accept or exchange gifts during the holidays may be missing out on an important connection with family and friends.
“That doesn’t do a service to the relationship,” Ellen J. Langer, a Harvard psychology professor, told The New York Times. “If I don’t let you give me a gift, then I’m not encouraging you to think about me and think about things I like. I am preventing you from experiencing the joy of engaging in all those activities. You do people a disservice by not giving them the gift of giving.”
The social value of giving has been recognized very, very long ago. For thousands of years, some native cultures have engaged in the potlatch, a complex ceremony that celebrates extreme giving. Although cultural interpretations vary, often the status of a given family in a clan or village was dictated not by who had the most possessions, but instead by who gave away the most. The more lavish and bankrupting the potlatch, the more prestige gained by the host family.
Keeping this in mind, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that, according to some researchers, gift giving also played a part in evolution.
Think about it, men who were the most generous may have had the most reproductive success with women. (Most notably, they used food in exchange for sexual access and grooming has been documented in our closest ape relative, the chimpanzee.) Similarly, women who were skilled at giving, be it extra food or a well-fitted pelt, helped sustain the family provider as well as her children.
Maybe OP’s girlfriend wasn’t all that interested in forming such a union?
After reading the story, people were curious why OP was still dating this woman
My bf is the first person on my mind when I go holiday gift shopping... also the amount of random little things I get him makes some women look at me weird. This post makes me sad.
I agree with a lot of these comments, he is NTA. I was with my ex for 8 years and he always took holidays and birthdays for granted. One time, on his birthday, I took him out for sushi after work as a surprise, which he loved. BUT, because I did that after work, by the time we got home, I was exhausted. The next day he was mad at me because we didn't have sex on his birthday. Apparently I ruined his birthday. But, thing is, I know every birthday in his whole family and he only knew my birthday, didn't know when anyone in my family had a birthday. I hope he's living well and is healthy, but I have no desire to get back together with him.
Ewe! Sex in a relationship should never be transactional. You are never obligated to "give sex" and men/partners are never entitled to your body. I'm sorry that happened. Glad you're not in that relationship anymore and know your worth ❤
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Drop her. A good relation only stands when all parties reciprocate. You are not having a relation with a woman but with an immature girl.
How do people stay together so long when the relationship is so bad? Anytime it starts to feel like one person is playing games or won’t seriously sit down and talk about an issue with their SO, it’s a sign the relationship is over.
Form of apathy maybe... just let it keep happening rather than facing up to it. Fear of being alone could be another reason. Some people do think better someone than no one. Her level of expectation is repugnant though. Gift giving should be a joyful thing you do for each other.
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NTA and I understand. When one thing gets too one-sided for too long it gets really irritating. Could be other things as well as housework or sex. But when that happens and you feel like keeping score or "get back at" your partner you have to decide if you really want to work on the relationship or leave (or accept their behavior without getting back at them but then you can't stay angry - learn to live with it). There's no love in either of these behaviors, just two people and a scoreboard.
Get a new girlfriend. Or a new boyfriend, for that matter, it isn't likely to be a downgrade either way... Or just be single for now, that can be fine just as well. But this ... this is toxic, onesided, petty and in general it sounds like she's not something that sparks joy, so you may just get rid of her, for you and your wellbeing and, in the long run, maybe for her wellbeing, too. That won't be up to you anymore.
This kind of stuff is why I have a problem with birthdays and holidays. Its obligatory. To me, a gift is something that's unexpected and given just because you care. I'm the kind of person that doesn't really like receiving gifts. It makes me feel awkward and self conscious. On the other hand, I LOVE giving them, but they need to be special. I can't explain it adequately here. I guess for some folks (like me) it's more personal?
That’s entirely fair, it’s one of the love languages you know?
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I don't have a boyfriend, but I do have someone that whenever I see something they might like and I can afford, I will get it for them. They do the same for me. This person I am talking about is my sister. We like to get each other little odd things. The key phrase being "each other". This guy needs to run and never look back. He is dealing with a major narcissist.
When your relationship sounds more like brother/sister or you're just waiting to pull the rug out from underneath the other (rightfully or not), it is high time to leave. Three years is a bummer to waste, but she doesn't listen to his needs and this is just the beginning.
PS the Valentine's quote someone is talking was: Yea around valentine's day I seen she posted "shopping for a valentine's day gift for my bestieeee" I text her and said "so you're getting friend something, don't forget it's also a day to get gifts for boyfriends and girlfriends". She said "I was getting her something to cheer her up since she's going through a breakup, I was planning on getting you something for valentines but now that you said that forget it".
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Not the a*****e for not getting her a birthday present, but a fool for staying with such a person.
Seems like a lot of people miss the obvious. He's the side piece, that she's using for stuff
Not sure about that. I'd say she's using him, but only because he's let that keep happening.
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Why are they still together?? Gifts are irrelevant at this stage, she's showing that she doesn't care about him at all and he's not important enough for her to remember his birthday for three years in a row. She's a spoilt entitled brat and I strongly suggest he gets outta there ASAP. I hate women, well, little girls really who are like this, it's such ugly behaviour, she's an ugly person.
Sounds like an awful girlfriend, he should get rid of her. I even give my BF gifts when there's no big event around if I see something he'd enjoy and vice versa.
You literally took her out to dinner. That was the present. And she's a massive hypocrite who seems a little self centered. How do you "forget" to get someone a gift for their birthday or Christmas? That's one of the main things you do (unless they have said they don't need gifts, as my boyfriend doesn't really buy me stuff and I don't buy him stuff that often and we are both okay with it). Capitalism has made it hard to forget about the presents lol
It has always been my experience that when you love someone, they are the first person you want to give anything to! I try to be a generous person with my time, my heart and if possible my wallet. I juat want them to be happy and for them to know that I thought of them. There's nothing more fun than picking out the perfect gift for someone you love and watching their face when they open it. It's part of the appeal of Christmas!!!
Isn't the first person you think of when going Christmas shopping your significant other? I thought that was just normal. It's fun to buy others gifts and watch them unwrap it. I honestly think I enjoy that more than getting stuff myself. When you care about people it makes you feel good to make them happy.
Dude, leave this woman in the dust as you walk away. Gifts are not only about the item(s) given, its about the thought behind them from the giver. You are not much on her mind it appears, and I will tell you right now, she aint gonna change. You deserve better.
That's it right there. She didn't get you anything and you did the same. Assumed y'all weren't doing gifts anymore. I mean you did take her out to eat on her bday so she got that. Move on. Drama child there. My husband literally forgot mine this year. Got up. Said nothing. My day off. He went to work. Lunch time nothing. He asked if we could do our tax checks at bank after work. Afterwork we go to the bank. Event here teller seeing my id on the counter I thought would be like oh happy bday an catch him but she was too busy flirting w coworker. Then we stopped at a deli and got dinner. Came home nothing. I ubered some donuts as a cake for myself and mentioned in notes it was my bday. They came and he didn't get up to get any so I took into kitchen. They wrote happy bday on a box for me. I almost cried. I put the boxes in the fridge. He got up later for one and brought the box lid into the living room. Asked what they wrote that on the box and I said "cuz it IS MY BDAY" h
Cont. he said "oh s**t" and said 'really' a few times. He absolutely just forgot. He's never been good at exactly recalling mine. But his is the day after Xmas so can't forget that. He felt bad. I honestly didn't care. But I'm sure the effort I make for his to be special from Xmas kinda slaps him on forgetting. Oh mines March 8. So it's rando of a day. He offered to do s**t and go places. I didn't want any of that. I asked for a nice T-bone steak and a foot rub. Got the steak. He bought an machine foot rubber thing (I actually hate it-I wanted a human touch rub. That's was it). I'm simple to please. I didn't get mad or make a fuss. But if you're giving gifts you gift them. If you say you're not then you don't. But that girl Makes me so make she expected it but couldn't bother to make the other person feel special back.
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In reality, by the time one is 25 or so, "celebrating" the day you (and millions of others) were born shouldn't be a big deal. It's a day, nothing special. Now, that said, I do "get" that something like a homemade card, maybe a simple gift of homemade cookies or candies, would be pleasant. But if this female is going to treat you so badly, reciprocate in kind. She gets nothing, period, including you. She doesn't get to have you. She's not worth it. She'll drive you to deep depression, and won't care at all that she's done so. She'll move on to someone else she can use, over and over, ad infinitum. Look for someone better, and don't get hung up on gift days. They aren't worth it. I'm a 70 y.o. woman who has been where you are, with a terribly mean and narcissistic husband 50 years ago. Leave. Now. Save your sanity NOW.
I was 15 years with my partner and we never exchanged gifts on special occasion. We would get something for each other from time to time (a book I knew they wanted, a cake from my favorite shop, etc) but we never expected anything. Why people are sooooo into gifts? I have my own money. I can buy myself what I want. I’d rather spend time with people and create memories than get stuff that I’m gonna have to dust anyway!
I may not have been in a relationship but this girl sounded toxic. Im more about giving something to someone i care about and gifts i dont mind receiving but i feel good to give more than receive. However a relationship is supposed to be 100% from both sides. In his case hes only one thats 100% and shes what maybe 20% sooooo nope. Im glad he broke up with her. Now its healing time and thats going to take a while as trust is what is needed in a legit relationship. Hope he feels better soon
Wow. He is totally NTA! In fact, this man is a saint! He did get her a gift. He took her out and bought the hungry b**ch dinner! He should have gone dutch that night!
So, my bf tells me on Mother's day it's not girlfriends day and I'm not his mother so no need to do anything special for me on mother's Day ( I am a mother of 2 boys) I wonder what advice I would get lol
If you are at the point in a relationship that you don't LONG to buy your S O a gift, you need to end it. One thing I miss most about relationships is being able to spoil someone I care about.
.....you're an a*****e because you've been putting up w/ her pathetic c**p for waaaaay too long, actually.........
Im the kind of person who dont give gifts to people on their birthday unless i really want to BUT i also dont expect people to give me things, not even a "happy birthday" just bc i think its not important enough for me. Thought the story was going to be this way and his gf love language is through gifts, but she's just being TA here. Hope he find a better person.
The entire purpose of dating is to find someone compatible that you can love for a lifetime, have children with and enjoy every day. Neither of you are even close to that. Run!
NTA...My love language is gifter. With that being said I could never forget to get a gift for a loved one. No excuses ever! On the other side...if I wasn't a gifter I still could never forget a loved one. She's a heartless narcissist. I know you've already heard this but she is only interested in your wallet and what it has to offer. If you two decide to forgo gifts then that's that. But when it's strictly one-sided then there's a problem. And a card would never be enough for her. SMDH it should be the thought that counts but the thought of you doesn even cross her mind. Head for the hills sweetie. Onward to greener happier gift filled pastures. You deserve it! 🥰
I love buying random gifts for my husband & other family members. When you care about people you think about them & want to do nice things for them. You might forget a birthday or anniversary but no one forgets to buy a Christmas present for their partner every year. That "woman" is a selfish brat.
Nta ..this girl sounds like my ex ..he was a narcissist. Never bothered to even acknowledge my birthday let alone buy gifts. I stopped buying gifts for him when I realized, it was a one way street. This guy deserves better.
I'm always on the lookout for items he might want or need. He does the same. Reciprocating feelings and being on the same page in most things help with relationship. If she cant be bothered to put forth the effort for you there is nothing stopping you from doing the same. Best move on to bigger and better things.
This is something I realized, and started to do, at the ripe age of 45. If someone can't meet me at 50%, I'm doing 0%. I no longer care if you're my mother, brother, husband or best friend. And this is coming from someone that USED to be VERY giving and NEVER asked or anticipated anything in return. Which is nice I guess but times have changed and some people are just azzholes! And NTA but he's dating a freakin inconsiderate, dumb b!tch.
Even though it's obvious this girl is only using this kid for gifts with no interest in ever giving him anything, what I would've done if I were in his shoes, is given her a homemade coupon book, like the kind that has a coupon for a free massage, a free kiss, full of cheesy, romantic and more mature type of stuff, and maybe a small box of chocolates. Then we wait to see her reaction. Its still a gift, but no monetary value aside from the chocolates. If she likes it and actually uses it without trying to get more than what's offered in the coupon book, then maybe we have a shot at working on things so that we're on the same page. If she becomes the usual b***h because i "couldn't even spend 5 or 10 dollars to get her something" (chocolates be damned), then id seriously start considering hitting the road and not looking back.
My husband and I have gotten to the point where we just don't give each other gifts. If we want something because it's our birthday, we go out and get it ourselves because we know what we want. And it's usually nothing really expensive. If it is, we talk about it first before purchasing it. And we also don't get upset with holidays where gifts aren't given. Most of the time, that is not the real purpose of the holiday. Celebrate it for what it is...not the gifts you get out of it. Sounds like this guy needs to find a gf that will appreciate him more.
NTA, but you missed out on telling her you were just giving her the same present she always gives you! Sounds like she likes the idea of having a boyfriend but not putting in the work a relationship takes. You're on a one way street with her, buddy. Get out while you can, you'll be much happier
I read your comment that some guys say that girls think it's up to the guy to pay and give gifts and they don't have to reciprocate, that's BS. I ALWAYS buy my man gifts for Christmas, Birthdays, Anniversary etc. Good gifts too, not hand made cards or half a cake, things he wants like tickets to an NHL hockey game, autographed jerseys, paying for his next tattoo. These are what you deserve.
i once had a friend who forgot my present. He kept on saying he would give it, but never did. Really pissed me off
Both of you are assigning too much importance to birthdays and to gifts. A relationship involves both giving and taking. Some people are better at one than the other. Ideally, both people are good at both. Try to work out something you can both live with. Just remember and accept that people are imperfect.
Feels like most AITA-posts end in comments suggesting for the the OP to cut all ties and start a new life - regardless of the problem.
Well, he IS a bit of a passive-aggressive whatsit for waiting till her bday and acting it out like that. After 3 years you don't seem to know each other or communicate that well. Maybe best to learn the lessons and apply them to a new relationship?
He did say he's tried to talk about it with her, but she comes up with the "oh, I forgot" or "you're too hard to shop for" excuses. Sure, he could have said something earlier about not doing gifts, but honestly? The GF clearly needed a wake-up call, and with a narcissist you have to give them that metaphorical 'slap in the face' even though it generally doesn't do any good.
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My bf is the first person on my mind when I go holiday gift shopping... also the amount of random little things I get him makes some women look at me weird. This post makes me sad.
I agree with a lot of these comments, he is NTA. I was with my ex for 8 years and he always took holidays and birthdays for granted. One time, on his birthday, I took him out for sushi after work as a surprise, which he loved. BUT, because I did that after work, by the time we got home, I was exhausted. The next day he was mad at me because we didn't have sex on his birthday. Apparently I ruined his birthday. But, thing is, I know every birthday in his whole family and he only knew my birthday, didn't know when anyone in my family had a birthday. I hope he's living well and is healthy, but I have no desire to get back together with him.
Ewe! Sex in a relationship should never be transactional. You are never obligated to "give sex" and men/partners are never entitled to your body. I'm sorry that happened. Glad you're not in that relationship anymore and know your worth ❤
Load More Replies... Drop her. A good relation only stands when all parties reciprocate. You are not having a relation with a woman but with an immature girl.
How do people stay together so long when the relationship is so bad? Anytime it starts to feel like one person is playing games or won’t seriously sit down and talk about an issue with their SO, it’s a sign the relationship is over.
Form of apathy maybe... just let it keep happening rather than facing up to it. Fear of being alone could be another reason. Some people do think better someone than no one. Her level of expectation is repugnant though. Gift giving should be a joyful thing you do for each other.
Load More Replies... NTA and I understand. When one thing gets too one-sided for too long it gets really irritating. Could be other things as well as housework or sex. But when that happens and you feel like keeping score or "get back at" your partner you have to decide if you really want to work on the relationship or leave (or accept their behavior without getting back at them but then you can't stay angry - learn to live with it). There's no love in either of these behaviors, just two people and a scoreboard.
Get a new girlfriend. Or a new boyfriend, for that matter, it isn't likely to be a downgrade either way... Or just be single for now, that can be fine just as well. But this ... this is toxic, onesided, petty and in general it sounds like she's not something that sparks joy, so you may just get rid of her, for you and your wellbeing and, in the long run, maybe for her wellbeing, too. That won't be up to you anymore.
This kind of stuff is why I have a problem with birthdays and holidays. Its obligatory. To me, a gift is something that's unexpected and given just because you care. I'm the kind of person that doesn't really like receiving gifts. It makes me feel awkward and self conscious. On the other hand, I LOVE giving them, but they need to be special. I can't explain it adequately here. I guess for some folks (like me) it's more personal?
That’s entirely fair, it’s one of the love languages you know?
Load More Replies... I don't have a boyfriend, but I do have someone that whenever I see something they might like and I can afford, I will get it for them. They do the same for me. This person I am talking about is my sister. We like to get each other little odd things. The key phrase being "each other". This guy needs to run and never look back. He is dealing with a major narcissist.
When your relationship sounds more like brother/sister or you're just waiting to pull the rug out from underneath the other (rightfully or not), it is high time to leave. Three years is a bummer to waste, but she doesn't listen to his needs and this is just the beginning.
PS the Valentine's quote someone is talking was: Yea around valentine's day I seen she posted "shopping for a valentine's day gift for my bestieeee" I text her and said "so you're getting friend something, don't forget it's also a day to get gifts for boyfriends and girlfriends". She said "I was getting her something to cheer her up since she's going through a breakup, I was planning on getting you something for valentines but now that you said that forget it".
Load More Replies... Not the a*****e for not getting her a birthday present, but a fool for staying with such a person.
Seems like a lot of people miss the obvious. He's the side piece, that she's using for stuff
Not sure about that. I'd say she's using him, but only because he's let that keep happening.
Load More Replies... Why are they still together?? Gifts are irrelevant at this stage, she's showing that she doesn't care about him at all and he's not important enough for her to remember his birthday for three years in a row. She's a spoilt entitled brat and I strongly suggest he gets outta there ASAP. I hate women, well, little girls really who are like this, it's such ugly behaviour, she's an ugly person.
Sounds like an awful girlfriend, he should get rid of her. I even give my BF gifts when there's no big event around if I see something he'd enjoy and vice versa.
You literally took her out to dinner. That was the present. And she's a massive hypocrite who seems a little self centered. How do you "forget" to get someone a gift for their birthday or Christmas? That's one of the main things you do (unless they have said they don't need gifts, as my boyfriend doesn't really buy me stuff and I don't buy him stuff that often and we are both okay with it). Capitalism has made it hard to forget about the presents lol
It has always been my experience that when you love someone, they are the first person you want to give anything to! I try to be a generous person with my time, my heart and if possible my wallet. I juat want them to be happy and for them to know that I thought of them. There's nothing more fun than picking out the perfect gift for someone you love and watching their face when they open it. It's part of the appeal of Christmas!!!
Isn't the first person you think of when going Christmas shopping your significant other? I thought that was just normal. It's fun to buy others gifts and watch them unwrap it. I honestly think I enjoy that more than getting stuff myself. When you care about people it makes you feel good to make them happy.
Dude, leave this woman in the dust as you walk away. Gifts are not only about the item(s) given, its about the thought behind them from the giver. You are not much on her mind it appears, and I will tell you right now, she aint gonna change. You deserve better.
That's it right there. She didn't get you anything and you did the same. Assumed y'all weren't doing gifts anymore. I mean you did take her out to eat on her bday so she got that. Move on. Drama child there. My husband literally forgot mine this year. Got up. Said nothing. My day off. He went to work. Lunch time nothing. He asked if we could do our tax checks at bank after work. Afterwork we go to the bank. Event here teller seeing my id on the counter I thought would be like oh happy bday an catch him but she was too busy flirting w coworker. Then we stopped at a deli and got dinner. Came home nothing. I ubered some donuts as a cake for myself and mentioned in notes it was my bday. They came and he didn't get up to get any so I took into kitchen. They wrote happy bday on a box for me. I almost cried. I put the boxes in the fridge. He got up later for one and brought the box lid into the living room. Asked what they wrote that on the box and I said "cuz it IS MY BDAY" h
Cont. he said "oh s**t" and said 'really' a few times. He absolutely just forgot. He's never been good at exactly recalling mine. But his is the day after Xmas so can't forget that. He felt bad. I honestly didn't care. But I'm sure the effort I make for his to be special from Xmas kinda slaps him on forgetting. Oh mines March 8. So it's rando of a day. He offered to do s**t and go places. I didn't want any of that. I asked for a nice T-bone steak and a foot rub. Got the steak. He bought an machine foot rubber thing (I actually hate it-I wanted a human touch rub. That's was it). I'm simple to please. I didn't get mad or make a fuss. But if you're giving gifts you gift them. If you say you're not then you don't. But that girl Makes me so make she expected it but couldn't bother to make the other person feel special back.
Load More Replies... In reality, by the time one is 25 or so, "celebrating" the day you (and millions of others) were born shouldn't be a big deal. It's a day, nothing special. Now, that said, I do "get" that something like a homemade card, maybe a simple gift of homemade cookies or candies, would be pleasant. But if this female is going to treat you so badly, reciprocate in kind. She gets nothing, period, including you. She doesn't get to have you. She's not worth it. She'll drive you to deep depression, and won't care at all that she's done so. She'll move on to someone else she can use, over and over, ad infinitum. Look for someone better, and don't get hung up on gift days. They aren't worth it. I'm a 70 y.o. woman who has been where you are, with a terribly mean and narcissistic husband 50 years ago. Leave. Now. Save your sanity NOW.
I was 15 years with my partner and we never exchanged gifts on special occasion. We would get something for each other from time to time (a book I knew they wanted, a cake from my favorite shop, etc) but we never expected anything. Why people are sooooo into gifts? I have my own money. I can buy myself what I want. I’d rather spend time with people and create memories than get stuff that I’m gonna have to dust anyway!
I may not have been in a relationship but this girl sounded toxic. Im more about giving something to someone i care about and gifts i dont mind receiving but i feel good to give more than receive. However a relationship is supposed to be 100% from both sides. In his case hes only one thats 100% and shes what maybe 20% sooooo nope. Im glad he broke up with her. Now its healing time and thats going to take a while as trust is what is needed in a legit relationship. Hope he feels better soon
Wow. He is totally NTA! In fact, this man is a saint! He did get her a gift. He took her out and bought the hungry b**ch dinner! He should have gone dutch that night!
So, my bf tells me on Mother's day it's not girlfriends day and I'm not his mother so no need to do anything special for me on mother's Day ( I am a mother of 2 boys) I wonder what advice I would get lol
If you are at the point in a relationship that you don't LONG to buy your S O a gift, you need to end it. One thing I miss most about relationships is being able to spoil someone I care about.
.....you're an a*****e because you've been putting up w/ her pathetic c**p for waaaaay too long, actually.........
Im the kind of person who dont give gifts to people on their birthday unless i really want to BUT i also dont expect people to give me things, not even a "happy birthday" just bc i think its not important enough for me. Thought the story was going to be this way and his gf love language is through gifts, but she's just being TA here. Hope he find a better person.
The entire purpose of dating is to find someone compatible that you can love for a lifetime, have children with and enjoy every day. Neither of you are even close to that. Run!
NTA...My love language is gifter. With that being said I could never forget to get a gift for a loved one. No excuses ever! On the other side...if I wasn't a gifter I still could never forget a loved one. She's a heartless narcissist. I know you've already heard this but she is only interested in your wallet and what it has to offer. If you two decide to forgo gifts then that's that. But when it's strictly one-sided then there's a problem. And a card would never be enough for her. SMDH it should be the thought that counts but the thought of you doesn even cross her mind. Head for the hills sweetie. Onward to greener happier gift filled pastures. You deserve it! 🥰
I love buying random gifts for my husband & other family members. When you care about people you think about them & want to do nice things for them. You might forget a birthday or anniversary but no one forgets to buy a Christmas present for their partner every year. That "woman" is a selfish brat.
Nta ..this girl sounds like my ex ..he was a narcissist. Never bothered to even acknowledge my birthday let alone buy gifts. I stopped buying gifts for him when I realized, it was a one way street. This guy deserves better.
I'm always on the lookout for items he might want or need. He does the same. Reciprocating feelings and being on the same page in most things help with relationship. If she cant be bothered to put forth the effort for you there is nothing stopping you from doing the same. Best move on to bigger and better things.
This is something I realized, and started to do, at the ripe age of 45. If someone can't meet me at 50%, I'm doing 0%. I no longer care if you're my mother, brother, husband or best friend. And this is coming from someone that USED to be VERY giving and NEVER asked or anticipated anything in return. Which is nice I guess but times have changed and some people are just azzholes! And NTA but he's dating a freakin inconsiderate, dumb b!tch.
Even though it's obvious this girl is only using this kid for gifts with no interest in ever giving him anything, what I would've done if I were in his shoes, is given her a homemade coupon book, like the kind that has a coupon for a free massage, a free kiss, full of cheesy, romantic and more mature type of stuff, and maybe a small box of chocolates. Then we wait to see her reaction. Its still a gift, but no monetary value aside from the chocolates. If she likes it and actually uses it without trying to get more than what's offered in the coupon book, then maybe we have a shot at working on things so that we're on the same page. If she becomes the usual b***h because i "couldn't even spend 5 or 10 dollars to get her something" (chocolates be damned), then id seriously start considering hitting the road and not looking back.
My husband and I have gotten to the point where we just don't give each other gifts. If we want something because it's our birthday, we go out and get it ourselves because we know what we want. And it's usually nothing really expensive. If it is, we talk about it first before purchasing it. And we also don't get upset with holidays where gifts aren't given. Most of the time, that is not the real purpose of the holiday. Celebrate it for what it is...not the gifts you get out of it. Sounds like this guy needs to find a gf that will appreciate him more.
NTA, but you missed out on telling her you were just giving her the same present she always gives you! Sounds like she likes the idea of having a boyfriend but not putting in the work a relationship takes. You're on a one way street with her, buddy. Get out while you can, you'll be much happier
I read your comment that some guys say that girls think it's up to the guy to pay and give gifts and they don't have to reciprocate, that's BS. I ALWAYS buy my man gifts for Christmas, Birthdays, Anniversary etc. Good gifts too, not hand made cards or half a cake, things he wants like tickets to an NHL hockey game, autographed jerseys, paying for his next tattoo. These are what you deserve.
i once had a friend who forgot my present. He kept on saying he would give it, but never did. Really pissed me off
Both of you are assigning too much importance to birthdays and to gifts. A relationship involves both giving and taking. Some people are better at one than the other. Ideally, both people are good at both. Try to work out something you can both live with. Just remember and accept that people are imperfect.
Feels like most AITA-posts end in comments suggesting for the the OP to cut all ties and start a new life - regardless of the problem.
Well, he IS a bit of a passive-aggressive whatsit for waiting till her bday and acting it out like that. After 3 years you don't seem to know each other or communicate that well. Maybe best to learn the lessons and apply them to a new relationship?
He did say he's tried to talk about it with her, but she comes up with the "oh, I forgot" or "you're too hard to shop for" excuses. Sure, he could have said something earlier about not doing gifts, but honestly? The GF clearly needed a wake-up call, and with a narcissist you have to give them that metaphorical 'slap in the face' even though it generally doesn't do any good.
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