Guy Asks His Girlfriend Not To Eat So Much At His Grandma’s House, Asks If He’s In The Wrong After She Yells At Him
This story posted on r/AITA by Redditor u/foodormoney may put you off at first. “AITA for asking my gf not to eat so much,” the author asked in the headline, immediately adding that he “knows the title sounds bad but this is a pretty specific situation so please hear me out.”
He’s been hanging out with his new girlfriend Ashley, who’s “a heavier person and a vocal advocate for body positivity.” The incident happened when the couple went over to the author’s grandmother’s house for dinner. It turns out, the grandma takes it as her duty to feed the whole family even if she cannot afford it. All the family is aware that she will be living on leftovers for the week, so they take just a small portion to eat.
But Ashley was completely oblivious to the whole situation, and made herself a feast. Now the author wants to know if he was right to tell her to eat less, and people online weigh in.
This person wants to know if he was wrong to tell his GF to eat less when they dine at his grandmother’s house, since she’s broke and lives on leftovers
Image credits: Marcus Aurelius (not the actual photo)
Here is the whole story he posted on the r/AITA subreddit
Some people said that the author of the post was definitely NTA
Others said that everyone is TA in this situation
The girlfriend sounds like an entitled twat. I mean, "nobody other than me decides when I've had enough" - really? So when you're having dinner at somebody else's place you're just gonna eat everything they have if it just so happens you're not full yet? Rude. Even without the grandma's financial situation - other people may not yet have had enough either. And if you know up front that the person hosting is short on cash, then don't be a d**k and get a hold of yourself.
100% agree
Change entitled to oversensitive in my opinion. Girl is fat and super sensitive about it to the point that her whole personality sounds wrapped up around everyone else's perception of her.
I think entitled is the right word. As OP said, she grew up privileged, and now thinks that she deserves any food that she wants - even taking from the poor to do so - and other people's opinions of her are not valid. If ANYONE can judge you, it's the SO with whom you share the most time and trust, but she gave him a basic "I do what I want and nobody can stop me". This is not a person who can coexist in society. As for being oversensitive, this is a problem of her own creation, and it sounds like she's just well-practiced in deflecting this as everyone else's problem. Princess can't be faulted! Hope that guy bails fast.
She should run for congress. Would most likely win in a red state.
i don't agree !! she is a self-centered entitled spoiled twat
It's similar to waiting for the host to order their food or listening to what they are getting and order accordingly. (if they get a $9 dinner, you order $9 or less for yourself) My mother told me that's the polite thing. Rude to order a $25 meal. Shame on her for not having that knowledge either. He needs to find a better date.
She is an entitled twat. I'm fat, but it's common curtesy not to eat the house empty. Just get more food on your way home, it's not like you'll starve on the way...
Dinner at someone's house does not work that way. If you host a guest, then yes, they should be allowed to have seconds of the dinner you prepared if they so choose. It's called hospitality. If a person cannot afford to be hospitable, then it's better not to have guests you can't afford to host and make people feel uncomfortable. And if you're hosting a dinner, you make plenty. That is the first rule of entertaining. You don't put guests in an awkward situation, ESPECIALLY since grandma cares more about her pride than letting people contribute.
Maybe someday you’ll have to deal with a stubborn, prideful old person (other than yourself of course).
Ashley is being a selfish cow. The first dinner she wasn't to have known as he hadn't told her, and there is no mention of any issues when he brought it up after. However the following week to demand that she be allowed to eat as much as she wants of someone else's food, after knowing that it means they may go hungry is disgusting. Nothing to do with body shaming, she is just selfish. I understand people saying the OP should do more for his grandmother, however having had elderly relatives who refuse any help, the reality is you can't force them to accept it, and repeatedly trying to push it is just going to ruin what she sees as a nice things she can do for her family, and possibly is an excuse to be be able to make sure she sees them often
Yes, a lot of people saying the grandmother is rude have never had an older relative who just does things the way they do things. My grandma came up in the depression (she would have been 104 this year) and she never lost that attitude. She wouldn’t accept help, and my mom is the same way. Won’t take help if she’s dying.
Exactly. People commenting that grandma is wrong here reads entitlement to me. She's from a generation that was war torn, many displaced from their homes, lived through famine, etc... And now that she's on a limited income, their judgement is that grandma isn't allowed to host dinners ever gain?
Yes. This may be the only way she can still feel useful to her family.
Elders who have prideful issues like this often place a larger burden on their family members. They stay in their own homes without assistance for too long, and when they fall and hurt themselves (badly) or don't take their medicine, or drive and get into accidents, it's up to their families to help them, when some basic preventative measures could have avoided the pain and problems.
And?
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Lol.... 🐄
I know people like Ashley. A couple of years ago we had a guest over who has helped himself to no less than half of our lunch that was meant for 6 people. Yes. He just trotted into the kitchen and ate it all. By the time anyone had noticed, we were out of food and had to order a take-out. And just like Ashley, he was mighty offended that we called him out on it, saying that that is his usual portion size. Let's just say he doesn't get invited too often.
No respect for other people, I wouldn't invite him at all.
Exactly. In his case "too often" is once.
I have a friend who other than being a good hard-working law-abiding helpful and kind person has this one issue; anytime I served a casserole or dessert with a topping he would rush to serve himself and scoop off THE ENTIRE TOP. I spoke to him time after time and he just replied "but that's the part I like...". I had to get advice from my middle-aged daughter; "dish up all of the plates and bring them to the table" to avoid losing my sanity. I really couldn't think of that myself.
I have such a friend as well. He is a nice guy, but he also can't control the portion size. He eats with us every evening. The solution is, I'm serving him normal-sized portions, he usually gets full. If there's leftovers, he'll be offered it, but usually he's full. However, if you'll put on his plate more food without asking first, he'll continue eating. I think he has some disorder that makes him eat everything on his plate, even if he's already full...
It's possible that he was forced to clear his plate as a child and now he can't help himself. It really pisses me off when parents insist that a child eats all the food in front of them. Usually, the portions are way too large so the only thing they are doing is conditioning their child to over-eat.
That's not the same though, in the story there's no suggestion that Ashley took 2nd helpings before other people had been served. In the first visit she didn't do anything wrong - in fact, most grandmas would be offended if you didn't take seconds.
The girlfriend sounds like an entitled twat. I mean, "nobody other than me decides when I've had enough" - really? So when you're having dinner at somebody else's place you're just gonna eat everything they have if it just so happens you're not full yet? Rude. Even without the grandma's financial situation - other people may not yet have had enough either. And if you know up front that the person hosting is short on cash, then don't be a d**k and get a hold of yourself.
100% agree
Change entitled to oversensitive in my opinion. Girl is fat and super sensitive about it to the point that her whole personality sounds wrapped up around everyone else's perception of her.
I think entitled is the right word. As OP said, she grew up privileged, and now thinks that she deserves any food that she wants - even taking from the poor to do so - and other people's opinions of her are not valid. If ANYONE can judge you, it's the SO with whom you share the most time and trust, but she gave him a basic "I do what I want and nobody can stop me". This is not a person who can coexist in society. As for being oversensitive, this is a problem of her own creation, and it sounds like she's just well-practiced in deflecting this as everyone else's problem. Princess can't be faulted! Hope that guy bails fast.
She should run for congress. Would most likely win in a red state.
i don't agree !! she is a self-centered entitled spoiled twat
It's similar to waiting for the host to order their food or listening to what they are getting and order accordingly. (if they get a $9 dinner, you order $9 or less for yourself) My mother told me that's the polite thing. Rude to order a $25 meal. Shame on her for not having that knowledge either. He needs to find a better date.
She is an entitled twat. I'm fat, but it's common curtesy not to eat the house empty. Just get more food on your way home, it's not like you'll starve on the way...
Dinner at someone's house does not work that way. If you host a guest, then yes, they should be allowed to have seconds of the dinner you prepared if they so choose. It's called hospitality. If a person cannot afford to be hospitable, then it's better not to have guests you can't afford to host and make people feel uncomfortable. And if you're hosting a dinner, you make plenty. That is the first rule of entertaining. You don't put guests in an awkward situation, ESPECIALLY since grandma cares more about her pride than letting people contribute.
Maybe someday you’ll have to deal with a stubborn, prideful old person (other than yourself of course).
Ashley is being a selfish cow. The first dinner she wasn't to have known as he hadn't told her, and there is no mention of any issues when he brought it up after. However the following week to demand that she be allowed to eat as much as she wants of someone else's food, after knowing that it means they may go hungry is disgusting. Nothing to do with body shaming, she is just selfish. I understand people saying the OP should do more for his grandmother, however having had elderly relatives who refuse any help, the reality is you can't force them to accept it, and repeatedly trying to push it is just going to ruin what she sees as a nice things she can do for her family, and possibly is an excuse to be be able to make sure she sees them often
Yes, a lot of people saying the grandmother is rude have never had an older relative who just does things the way they do things. My grandma came up in the depression (she would have been 104 this year) and she never lost that attitude. She wouldn’t accept help, and my mom is the same way. Won’t take help if she’s dying.
Exactly. People commenting that grandma is wrong here reads entitlement to me. She's from a generation that was war torn, many displaced from their homes, lived through famine, etc... And now that she's on a limited income, their judgement is that grandma isn't allowed to host dinners ever gain?
Yes. This may be the only way she can still feel useful to her family.
Elders who have prideful issues like this often place a larger burden on their family members. They stay in their own homes without assistance for too long, and when they fall and hurt themselves (badly) or don't take their medicine, or drive and get into accidents, it's up to their families to help them, when some basic preventative measures could have avoided the pain and problems.
And?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Lol.... 🐄
I know people like Ashley. A couple of years ago we had a guest over who has helped himself to no less than half of our lunch that was meant for 6 people. Yes. He just trotted into the kitchen and ate it all. By the time anyone had noticed, we were out of food and had to order a take-out. And just like Ashley, he was mighty offended that we called him out on it, saying that that is his usual portion size. Let's just say he doesn't get invited too often.
No respect for other people, I wouldn't invite him at all.
Exactly. In his case "too often" is once.
I have a friend who other than being a good hard-working law-abiding helpful and kind person has this one issue; anytime I served a casserole or dessert with a topping he would rush to serve himself and scoop off THE ENTIRE TOP. I spoke to him time after time and he just replied "but that's the part I like...". I had to get advice from my middle-aged daughter; "dish up all of the plates and bring them to the table" to avoid losing my sanity. I really couldn't think of that myself.
I have such a friend as well. He is a nice guy, but he also can't control the portion size. He eats with us every evening. The solution is, I'm serving him normal-sized portions, he usually gets full. If there's leftovers, he'll be offered it, but usually he's full. However, if you'll put on his plate more food without asking first, he'll continue eating. I think he has some disorder that makes him eat everything on his plate, even if he's already full...
It's possible that he was forced to clear his plate as a child and now he can't help himself. It really pisses me off when parents insist that a child eats all the food in front of them. Usually, the portions are way too large so the only thing they are doing is conditioning their child to over-eat.
That's not the same though, in the story there's no suggestion that Ashley took 2nd helpings before other people had been served. In the first visit she didn't do anything wrong - in fact, most grandmas would be offended if you didn't take seconds.