Guy Asks His Girlfriend Not To Eat So Much At His Grandma’s House, Asks If He’s In The Wrong After She Yells At Him
This story posted on r/AITA by Redditor u/foodormoney may put you off at first. “AITA for asking my gf not to eat so much,” the author asked in the headline, immediately adding that he “knows the title sounds bad but this is a pretty specific situation so please hear me out.”
He’s been hanging out with his new girlfriend Ashley, who’s “a heavier person and a vocal advocate for body positivity.” The incident happened when the couple went over to the author’s grandmother’s house for dinner. It turns out, the grandma takes it as her duty to feed the whole family even if she cannot afford it. All the family is aware that she will be living on leftovers for the week, so they take just a small portion to eat.
But Ashley was completely oblivious to the whole situation, and made herself a feast. Now the author wants to know if he was right to tell her to eat less, and people online weigh in.
This person wants to know if he was wrong to tell his GF to eat less when they dine at his grandmother’s house, since she’s broke and lives on leftovers
Image credits: Marcus Aurelius (not the actual photo)
Here is the whole story he posted on the r/AITA subreddit
Some people said that the author of the post was definitely NTA
Others said that everyone is TA in this situation
264Kviews
Share on FacebookThe girlfriend sounds like an entitled twat. I mean, "nobody other than me decides when I've had enough" - really? So when you're having dinner at somebody else's place you're just gonna eat everything they have if it just so happens you're not full yet? Rude. Even without the grandma's financial situation - other people may not yet have had enough either. And if you know up front that the person hosting is short on cash, then don't be a d**k and get a hold of yourself.
It's similar to waiting for the host to order their food or listening to what they are getting and order accordingly. (if they get a $9 dinner, you order $9 or less for yourself) My mother told me that's the polite thing. Rude to order a $25 meal. Shame on her for not having that knowledge either. He needs to find a better date.
Load More Replies...Ashley is being a selfish cow. The first dinner she wasn't to have known as he hadn't told her, and there is no mention of any issues when he brought it up after. However the following week to demand that she be allowed to eat as much as she wants of someone else's food, after knowing that it means they may go hungry is disgusting. Nothing to do with body shaming, she is just selfish. I understand people saying the OP should do more for his grandmother, however having had elderly relatives who refuse any help, the reality is you can't force them to accept it, and repeatedly trying to push it is just going to ruin what she sees as a nice things she can do for her family, and possibly is an excuse to be be able to make sure she sees them often
Yes, a lot of people saying the grandmother is rude have never had an older relative who just does things the way they do things. My grandma came up in the depression (she would have been 104 this year) and she never lost that attitude. She wouldn’t accept help, and my mom is the same way. Won’t take help if she’s dying.
Load More Replies...I know people like Ashley. A couple of years ago we had a guest over who has helped himself to no less than half of our lunch that was meant for 6 people. Yes. He just trotted into the kitchen and ate it all. By the time anyone had noticed, we were out of food and had to order a take-out. And just like Ashley, he was mighty offended that we called him out on it, saying that that is his usual portion size. Let's just say he doesn't get invited too often.
No respect for other people, I wouldn't invite him at all.
Load More Replies...Not sure how people can blame the OP for this one. Is grandma too proud for her own good? Yes. But taking *thirds* at someone else's house? Don't do it. There could be an argument for seconds, but in general that should only be if you're offered and if others are having it too. (IMO, anyway. I'm also a 'heavier person' but won't take more food than anyone else does) This is definitely not fat-shaming, the girlfriend needs to learn that not everything is about her weight.
I was raised that you never take a second helping of anything at someone else's table until invited.
Load More Replies...The people calling the granmother a asshole are completely wrong. Older people have pride and growing up poor means pride is sometimes all you have. And calling out the girlfriends greed isn't fat shaming after she knew the reason it was said. She may say she's all about body positivity but her actions make me think she has self control issues and that isn't being body positive.
But their pride is often dangerous and even deadly. Grandma refusing help with the meal and not eating for days can cause serious problems.
Load More Replies...Break up with her, immediately. Her first reaction is to get angry and accuse her boyfriend of 'shaming' her instead of apologising and sympathising with grandma's situation. If she's unashamed to behave like that and speak to her boyfriend of only three months like that, it'll get much, much worse. What an absolute prick.
Proud grand parents aren't that rare from what I've seen. However, getting around that isn't hard with a "I just made this dish a few times and wanted to get some opinions on it" to "I just wanted to treat you as thanks for all you've done". As for GF? Girl has issues.
You didn’t fat shame her at all. You were letting her know how your grandma is and she blatantly disregarded it. Red flag yes. I’d consider if the relationship is worth it tbh
Everyone is acting stupid in this situation. The grandma for refusing to accept help even though it's obvious she is struggling. The girlfriend for stuffing her mouth, knowing that the grandmother is struggling. The boy for accepting the invitation and bringing his girlfriend along instead of some extra food for the grandma. None of them look good in this story.
This! Everyone in this situation is acting irrationally. We can kinda give grandma a pass, but really if she’s that broke that the only food she has to sustain her for a few days is leftovers from that meal she needs to live in reality and accept help. If not from the family then from social services like meals on wheels, etc. And it’s kind of abuse if the family doesn’t make sure she is provided for no matter what she says. Also the guy should’ve explained before the first dinner. If the gf still acted badly, then don’t take her to any more dinners until she can understand the family. The gf was probably feeling bad, insecure, and overly sensitive and acted out inappropriately. Bad all the way around.
Load More Replies...GF gets a pass for the first family dinner. I can see how she might not have picked up on the social cues in a group that already knows the pattern. It sounds like the BF did his best to explain the situation to her respectfully and to suggest compromises that wouldn't leave GF or Gma hungry. GF blew up about it. In regards to the family making sure Gma has enough to eat for the week, I wonder if anyone has tried "Oh, these were on sale so I grabbed you one" or "we accidentally bought two of these, could you use one before it goes bad?" as a way of getting groceries to her. Sometimes the best way to help in a culture of generosity is to frame the receiving of aid as actually doing something generous.
This kid needs to leave a couple $20's in grandma's bedroom or show up midweek with groceries for her. As for the gf, he should attempt to clarify the situation to her in a moment of calm and cut her loose or accept her.
Yes! I got a grocery voucher grandma but I had to use it all at once, so I picked up groceries for the family members etc. Whatever it takes
Load More Replies...In what sense is this even close to being body shaming? It's all about not taking advantage of your grandma. The rest is nuts.
I'm kinda thin and I can eat about as much as a large person can lol. Should I complain about fat shaming for my appetite?
Load More Replies...Ashley sounds like a bad case of "If you never heal from what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you”. I guess she's had her share of nasty comments on her weight, and now she thinks everything is about that. That being said, can't the family hide some paper money every now and then in Grans house, like when you incidentally 'find' some lost/forgotten bank notes?
jessica r, I just had chills. you're a savvy person, grandma must be embraced with love. firmly!
Load More Replies...Wow, these people that are blaming Grandma for being "too proud" are idiots, and obviously NOT moms. Anyone who has ever given birth will sacrifice their very lives for their children (and, later, their children's children) and NOBODY should try to put any of this on her. Second, Ashley is a twit and should be kicked to the curb. Anyone that can't find the compassion to allow an old lady food for the next week needs to go, rapidly and far away. When she was informed of the circumstances and came back with "No, I'm gonna eat what I want and you're not telling me I can't" is actually saying, "I don't give a s**t about your grandma." And this is not the kind of person you want in your life.
Yes, he should have given his GF the story before they ate at Grandma's. There was NO WAY he was fat shaming her. She's a jerk for blowing up and turning it around on herself. As for Grandma....bless her soul for wanting to feed everyone. There's safety in numbers, so I think the family should insist on taking Grandma out to eat when possible. Then everybody can enjoy a nice evening out. Grandma is from a generation that thinks accepting help is a shameful thing. She's not gonna change so they're gonna have to get creative. At the core, it's not about who's paying for the food. It's a opportunity for the family to be together. Maybe show up at her house at dinner time with a pizza. ALWAYS say something like, "I had a coupon that was gonna expire" or it was buy one get one. Tell her there's no way you can eat that much food. If she still refuses, say casually, "Ok. I'll just throw it away then." That works every time.
No. She’ll either let it go bad or she’ll give it to a neighbor or something. It’s what they do.
Load More Replies...No one is fat shaming her, she is simply being inconsiderate and stupid. Even kid would understand that. And when you have dinner at someone's else place, taking second (or third) large portion of food makes you look loutish and uncultured, no matter how much food host have. At least it's a norm here.
NTA his gf is an entitled brat. if she cant respect her boyfriends family then i say kick her to the curb
Your Gran is awesome for inviting her again (how she can be at fault for expecting people to eat only what she serves them is mind boggling to an Englishman), you're awesome for trying so hard to help everyone get along, your OH is gaslighting you to avoid accepting she's just plain greedy. Good luck. NTA.
What a massive asshole the gf is! "Grandma is poor, please eat less." "You're fat-shaming me!" "No. I'm wealth-shaming you, you disgusting cow."
Everyone saying the grandma is too prideful just doesn't know how that generation is. Grandma's always be trying to feed everyone, and never want to take any money. Making the mistake at the first dinner wasn't the GF's fault, as she didn't know any better. If I went to a family dinner, I'd expect to be able to eat as much as I wanted of what was available to me. But after she was informed, she should have taken it to heart and been respectful. It didn't have anything to do with her weight
So young man, if you insist on staying in a relationship with Ashley that's your choice. However, there will be other occasions that will end up with the same result...little or no consideration for others. The excuse that "she didn't grow up that way just doesn't cut it. You tried to help her understand how things run in your family and guess what? She see's it as a comment about her weight. Now about grandma. She's a sweetie but try this on for size. Ok grandma, we'd love to come over for a meal but this time it's our treat. Then either buy or cook something you all love, make lot's for leftovers and don't take no for an answer. And give grandma an extra hug.
Ditch the selfish fatty. A fed grandmother is more important than 2nd and 3rd portions. Her attitude is unbelievable!
Ashley needs to go. Horrible person that takes food knowing someone will go hungry. As far as grandma goes, just tell her you aren't comfortable coming over for dinner knowing that she will be going hungry. You can say you love her cooking but if she won't accept some help from the people that love her, you aren't going to eat over there. There are other things you can do together. If she gets mad, you get mad right back. She needs to love you enough to let you help her out. That how things work. Helping each other.
Oh dear god lol. Clearly you’ve never dealt with one of theses old ladies...
Load More Replies...Ashley has to go. It is rude not to abide what a family does. They go to be with her not eat her out of house and home. Ashley has obviously not been taught manners and respect.
I did a birthday party for my daughter's 14th birthday and she had 8 friends over plus a few of us adults. Her favorite special treat is crab legs so I made them for them. They are pretty pricey but she rarely asks for much. I was really impressed when her friends were serving themselves they took into account how many people were there and didn't just pile up their plates and each only took 1 or 2. They are all 12-14 and all I could think of was how well they were raised.
Take Ashley out for a big dinner before taking her to Grandma's. She might be less tempted if she's full. Also, tell Grandma that you'll come only if you can bring bread, dessert, something? Explain that there's a big difference between charity and just being a nice guest. Grandma needs to get herself together.
Ashley is claiming her BF is fat-shaming her, and that she should be able to eat as much as she likes, whenever she likes. In that way, she is poor-shaming Grandma., who herself is letting her pride cloud her judgment. And the BF is not doing much of anything to resolve the issues. He needs to have a talk with Grandma and Ashley together. He needs to make sure everyone understands the context of the attitudes of both sides, and the unnecessary strain it’s putting on all the relationships. With better understanding can come better attitudes all around, as well as eliminating the strain everyone else was experiencing. Maybe Grandma can make her dinner parties pot luck from now on. Maybe, if Ashley is so well-off, BF and her can secretly pay some of Grandma’s steeper bills (the mortgage, or property taxes, or electric bill, or whatever her biggest expense is. (1 of 2)
(2 of 2) Or Ashley could secretly deposit money in Grandma’s bank account. I did that for a former poor, but proud, boyfriend who was still in college while I was already working, so he could buy the groceries he wouldn’t accept directly from me. The bank is just fine with you depositing money INTO someone else’s account. You don’t need the account number, just the name and address. They’ll look it up and fill out the deposit slip for you (so you won’t see the account number, of course). To make it less obvious, I only made small deposits, just enough to cover at least the basics for a typical grocery trip (he’d always at least have enough for milk, coffee, bread, eggs, peanut butter, vegetables, and a couple different meats—-once in a while a steak—-for a week), so he wouldn’t see a sudden jump in his bank balance—-more like a math error balancing his checkbook. If he ever figured it out, he never mentioned it, and he never tried to give it back. I loved him, and it made me happy to help him out, because he’d always been there for me.
Load More Replies...Well, it's rude for a guest to eat the entire food supply of a host, so gf is wrong. When you buy your food - yeah, you get to eat as much as you want, but if you are a guest at the dinner party, you have to be considerate of other people there. Grandmother has some strange principles, I mean, I can understand not accepting financial help, but bringing food to the party is absolutely normal, it's not a handout, just common courtesy, especially if the party is big, so the host might not have enough products for everyone or time to cook so much food. Anyway, Ashley is an asshole here.
I was formulating a response way before I saw others commenting there is a whole crew of AHs here. I am exactly the same age as grandma and unless she has KNOWN mental issues she is a major AH for her rigid guidelines and rules. She 'gets her feeling hurt' if anyone declines an invite? BS, grow up grandma. She 'won't let anyone bring food'? BS, when there is family gathering for a meal most people will bring a jug of milk, a side-dish, a dessert. Why is everyone kowtowing to this tyrant? OP is certainly not headed for a career as a politician, can't tell grandma the NEW RULES; PEOPLE BRING FOOD, GET OVER IT, nor reason more diplomatically with the gf. Everyone walking on eggshells, pffffttttt!!!
Sounds contrived. I’m assuming it’s not true. I’d like to hear Ashley’s side - if this story isn’t just bs, it’s probably something about how OP is communicating.
It definitely seems like it’s just made up. By someone who doesn’t have a grandma or a girlfriend.
Load More Replies...your girlfriend is rude, selfish, disrespectful to your family, greedy, entitled, spoilt and is so self centred it's a wonder she doesn't turn herself inside out.... so why is she still your girlfriend?
Gf a bit touchy. Once it was explained to her she had no excuse for greediness. Grandma also being a bit much, start taking her a “hostess gift” every time you go. Some nice biscuits or the dessert or something. You could excuse it as you being “the man of the family” or some such so she can maybe relate to you wanting to provide for her too.
Just don't bring her along going forward? Seems like an easy fix. If she can't take the reasoning behind it and throws a tantrum about it, easier fix: break up. When you're young, you're always willing to put up with so much s**t. Easy tip: just don't. You'll live a better life.
I totally get NTA=Not the asshole and YTA=You're the asshole, but what does ESH mean?
Load More Replies...If someone who can only afford a certain amount of food. Asks you to be mindful of the consumption of that food and you yell at that person. Well it's not hard to see who the very wrong a s s h o l e is.
Your girlfriend is a selfish bitch. You're dating 3 months and this is how it's going already? Who eats 3 helpings period? There's a matter of manners when you're at someone else's home. Any decent person would have their heart go out to Grams and take this as an opportunity to bring some dessert, or food, and just say this is how you do it in your family. Take the situation and get Gram to accept something because people love her, not out of "charity". Ditch the GF. Otherwise you're letting someone mistreat your grandmother and you're an Ass, too
Dumb her. If she's this inconsiderate and selfish at three months, imagine what she'll be like after a 1yr+. Run for the hills and don't look back. Any kind, half-decent person would be worried about their partner's grandparent, they wouldn't react the way this woman did.
Ashley needs to go, and you need to take Grandma out to dinner more. no way would my grandmother not be eating if i knew about it ahead of time. tell her it's to celebrate some occasion of yours or that you just love her company.
Seems simple to me, just don't bring her over to grandma's for dinner anymore. Not thinking of warning someone for something that you are very used to is nor smart but I don't think it makes OP an AH. Just made a mistake and hopefully he'll remember that next time he brings someone over for dinner. I get why she got defensive, but not altering your behaviour after learning the facts does make her an AH. And that family really needs to sit grandma down and discuss this, that bringing food is not charity, but more common courtesy. Heck ,I would just get groceries and put it in her kitchen. I would not even mention it, chances are she'll forget about how they got there anyway and use them when no one is there.
1. Ashley is rude and entitled. Every polite person knows not to take too much when you're a guest. 2. Good for him for knowing this relationship is going nowhere and why 3. I've had proud older relatives. Sometimes you have to help them even when they don't want it and they get angry. Just do it. Bring some groceries, tell her to hush because you don't get charity from family. You get care.
They get horrifically offended. My grandmother was just like this. If we brought food she’d throw it out or give it to neighbors.
Load More Replies...Everyone seems weird here to me. Asking for seconds is a compliment, going for thirds is a bit much. Your grandma expecting people to only eat tiny portions to spare her pride and poverty is also bizarre. If things are that bad she shouldn't be declining help. Also, dump the GF, she's weird. She eats like a bloody horse and gets crazy and takes things personally about her weight. Imagine what she would be like 10 years down the road and 50 to 100 pounds heavier the way she is going
I got the impression that it wasn't the grandma expecting them to eat tiny portions. The guy said they, the family, used to do this in order to make sure there would be enough left for grandma for the following days. 🤔
Load More Replies...Maybe you should offer Ashley a bottle of milk after dinner because SHE SOUNDS LIKE A BABY. And, regardless of whether or not your grandmother has money I was always taught that it's impolite to EAT IN EXCESS when you're at someone else's home, or anywhere for that matter. She sounds like a gluttonous brat, no one needs three servings of anything. It's not fat shaming; it's greed shaming. Gross.
Ashley doesn't sound like a match. But there are ways to get around stubborn relatives and make sure they have food. Bring meat or other expensive parts of your grandma's meals over before she starts cooking and tell her you want to be an adult and start contributing and that you're thankful for her amazing cooking and all she's done for you. You can also stash money in places she's likely to come across it like the pocket of jackets she often wears, in a pocket of her purse, etc. You can also randomly bring some groceries and tell her something like "it was buy one get one free and I can't eat this much" or "these were on sale, I think they may expire soon, can you take some?" things like that.
It's a good thing Ashley loves herself so much, it sounds like no one else ever will. Dump her on a post it and hide all of her cereal just for fun.
What a strange argument. 1) Always bring food with you when going over for dinner. Like I may tell friends and family not to bring anything, I am the host and they are the guests, but I have never been upset with someone for bringing a dish. 2) Kid, learn to stash cash around the house. My dad never let me buy his food but he would give me his credit card to go shopping every week for him cause he couldn't leave the house the last year of his life but I never once used it and I took time to stash cash around the house here and there where he would run into it sooner or later. 3) Dump the girlfriend, she is entitled and the AH in this situation 100%. Blaming an old lady because she is incapable of control herself for one dinner is absurd. Not fat shaming, but behavior shaming. Like having a partner who wants to talk about their sex life at a family gathering because they are sexually liberated. Not the time.
Make it a trade; for every meal she cooks, you make her one, bc you make it clear she is in need, however you are not doing that! You can be stubborn too! Stop accepting it otherwise. Your girlfriend and you both may need counseling; I doubt you would have brought up her weight in an online forum if you hadn't done this to her as well in a judgemental manner. You both need to work on seeing the other person's pov, or this is a total waste of time and no one will grow or benefit from this.
This was exactly what I expected it to be. My grandmother is the same. Here it's my spoiled cousin that's the problem. She and her BF goes to grandma now and then and eats her out of the house. There are weeks where grandma eats an egg a day, maybe with a piece of bread, if the cousin left any. Once grandma told me that there was steak left after dinner. Great? Nope! My cousin threw it on the floor and fed her dog with it. Grandma almost cried when she told me about it.
The same thing happened with my grandma and a stupid cousin of mine, she'd go to grandma's with her boyfriend (who was unpolite enough not to take his hat off at the table, something older generations used to do), and raided her fridge. Grandma got in the habit of buying lots of legumes so they'd fill up sooner, just because grandmas want to be generous with their stupid grandkids. Once I was invited over for tea I was careful not to eat so much and brought my own bread, I think she liked that but norms dictated I didn't have to do that. She just wanted to be a good host. Trouble was my cousin got all entitled when she was being generous.
Load More Replies...The first dinner, you let it slide, because the girlfriend didn't know. After having it explained to her before the second dinner and getting upset, the girlfriend is the AH. As for the people who are saying that grandma is the AH, you must not understand the older generation. My great grandmother was like this grandmother. She was a proud woman that did not accept help from anyone. She didn't have much, but was still able to raise my mom and uncle on what little she had. This grandma seems to be the same way. The girlfriend is not being fat shamed at all. She is being selfish and oversensitive. The boyfriend is not trying to insult his girlfriend, he's trying to make sure that his grandmother has enough food. Also to the people suggesting that he just needs to bring her food: My grandmother and great grandmother did not believe in eating food that you didn't prepare yourself. They didn't eat other people's cooking, even if it was family. This grandmother may be just like this.
nah even on the first dinner it's kinda rude to eat more than 1 helping if not told, at least that's how I was raised
Load More Replies...Is it me or everyone involved is kind of wrong in their own way? Ashley is for not seeing the point... the guy for firstly not realising the issue and informing the girlfriend.. then getting angry at her for eating and then inviting her again and informing how much to eat. and the grandmother for not asking for a bit of help... i can understand pride and not accepting help from strangers... but you can ask family. or just dont invite. i wont if i have financial issues... as the person inviting, it is my priority to make sure there is enough on table.. if it gets over, i am not going to be sad because i know it was liked....
Not in the slightest. That's a very strange reasoning.
Load More Replies...She sounds like she's too entitled to be considerate. Don't disappoint Grandma again by having her with you again, I'd see ... Grandma won't tell if she hates your GF, as far as the description of both of them can carry, she'll rather swallow any anger (instead of food, maybe). Plus, bring other things to Grandma. If she's to take care of food and stuff, you are to take care of, say, gardening tools or machinery, and you can buy stuff she will need and leave it there, so she won't spend money on a pair of branch scissors, therefore may have more money on hand for eateries.
Gluttony, plain and simple. The whole "fat shaming" nonsense is a shield that fat people like Ashley hide behind to excuse their revolting behavior. After stuffing her face with all of Grandma's food like a sow at the trough, I'm surprised she didn't go checking the fridge for more. What an ignorant woman.
When you go to someone's house for dinner, you watch the other guests and the host. You choose your portions the way they choose theirs. If you want seconds, wait to see if anyone else takes seconds (or you are offered more) or if the serving bowls are cleared. Never take thirds unless you are offered. If you feel hungry afterward, stop somewhere on the way home for a burger or a pint of ice cream or whatever makes you feel fed. You're a guest, not the host.
It would be nice (although the GF is an a*****e for her eating habits) if OP could sneak some food in for Grandma. Something he knows she has but might not realize she's got more...
With grandma not taking food, groceries etc., I am going to guess these folks are southern. Southern women aren't "proud" per se, they're stubborn. Women always fed the family whether or not they ate. I took that position when my mamaw died. I supply as much food for main courses and everyone else will bring a desert or drinks, if I don't have sweet tea. With that assumption, grandma would not accept food from anyone. What I would honestly do (it's been done to me) is bring in a cooler with food and say it's just drinks and when you're putting left overs in the fridge, add some of your food from your cooler to the fridge. As far as being the AH, I think GF needs to go. I understand asking for 2nds is a good sign, refusing to save food so an elderly lady can eat all week is just wrong. That is a HUGE red flag
You’re both asses. Grandma is entitled to have her dinner parties. It gives her pleasure and her family understands helping her. Your girlfriend is a privileged brat. Why would you take her to your grandmother’s, knowing what she’s going to do? Why stay with her for that matter?
Forget the girlfriend. She is irrelevant. But what is important is your grandmother's lack of food. I get it, but what happens when you have three kids. Are you all going to go over there and just eat a piece of broccoli? With every added family member you eat a little bit less? You need to smooth a way that allows you all to bring a dish of food. Tell grandma you're taking a cooking class and want to share your creation, and she's your inspiration. Or ask her to show you how to make that favourite dish, and turn up with all the ingredients so that everyone can eat well. Sign her up for Meals on Wheels if you can. This girlfriend is really not the issue here.
Tell ur gran flat out that if she doesn't accept side dishes then u aren't coming then make Ashley cook them and bring. They both has to accept the situation and act accordingly. Oo
Why not help your granny out buy are some groceries so she doesn't have to starve
I am obese. I wholeheartedly support not fat shaming. It's so strange that people (rightly) have compassion for alcoholics and drug addicts, but not food addicts. That said, being obese is TERRIBLE for you and people should never tell themselves otherwise.
After reading these comments I’ve decided it’s “no thanks, I just ate” if anybody ever invites me for dinner. I don’t care if I haven’t eaten in a week. Way too much drama. Grandma needs to invite them over, just not for dinner.
I'm a big lass, I can eat a lot but when going to my bf's Grandma's for the first time for dinner I would have what was put in front of me and I definitely wouldn't go back for more. If I was hungry I'd go and get something else to eat afterwards. Ashley is being a bitch and sounds like she is more trouble that she's worth.
Dump her now. She's an entitled, fat pig without a conscious. Ditch the porking sow. Also never date an "ashley." They all come with some drama
Ashley's gotta go, and you need to take Grandma out for dinner more often. my grandmother would not go hungry if i had anything to say about it.
DUMP THE GIRLFRIEND. IMEDIEATLY. She will only get worse. FURTHER, How about showing up early and bringing the main course or some side dishes enough to leave for left overs. OR do what we did. We'd show up early and tell mom, "Mom you have been cooking for us for your whole life. We're going to cook for you and you just relax in your own home and we'll cook, serve and clean up" Mom LOVED IT. And we didn't have a money problem nor did she but nonetheless we did it anyway.
Ashley, just have a big breakfast before you go, let Grandma have her leftovers and her pride, taking care of her grandson brings her joy, let her have that.
Feed the cow gf b4 you go to grannys, bring groceries to granny, dump the gf
Can u and ashley take grandmother out to dinner someplace? Or invite grandmother over for dinner?
This is like having a pizza party at the office and you take a whole box for yourself without considering whether the others already had their fill or not. Have your seconds once everyone had their fill or just take no refill at all.
This is a ridiculous situation. Grandma can't afford to have a proper dinner for guests, but insists that they come over anyhow. Ashley is not the asshole. If it requires a bunch of mental gymnastics to have dinner at his grandmother's house, then he should not have brought her there. If grandma is poor but won't accept help, then it is her problem if her guest ate too much. Telling a guest how much to eat is tacky and rude. Ashley should reconsider whether or not she wants to be part of this weird family.
Yeah the girlfriend is WAY over the line. Although Grandma should accept help too since she is financially struggling. But the guy was being considerate saying they could go eat later if she wasn't full. Yet the gf INSISTS, on eating as much as she possibly can. Did she even think about the other people? At all? I don't think so.
It's a matter of how she was raised, and her common sense and etiquette, which she proved to not have much of, but regardless of how much my guest ate; I would never let my grandma go hungry; I would pretend I had so much extra food and bring it to her if grandma was too proud to ask for financial help for her meals
I do think the OP dropped the ball on the first dinner, but was good about not making an issue of it during that dinner. They discussed it after and that should have been enough. Knowing what she knows should have been enough. As the girlfriend, she had the option to decline with some plausible excuse that grandma would accept. There was a time when being raised in a wealthy environment you were taught to observe what is going on around you and act appropriately. Ashley should have noticed that she was the only one taking large portions and going back for seconds and thirds. This is the kind of thing that etiquette classes once taught. As to grandma, hospitality is a common cultural norm, and not one that a person unlearns at a certain age. American visitors, to many countries (especially less well off) often receive instructions on how not to put one's hosts ill-at-ease or in distress. It is a basic courtesy that should be universal.
ESH! Your grandmother is probably ecstatic for the attention and love her meals are bringing... Someone loves her cooking! You and your GF need to work on communication. Make your grandma dinner together next time and invite her over! Make enough that you "have to "send some home with her", bc I doubt she would hate taking food more than allowing it to spoil.
Having only read the headline, I don't think this is going to go well for the guy.
Wow, that was not what I expected. He needs to dump her ASAP.
Load More Replies...To me it seems that the GF and the Grandmother have issues that clash. Grandma almost presents as someone who plays a martyr role and/or feels more in control when help is turned down. Other people offer to help her because it makes the family members feel good about themselves when caring for her. The GF is wearing her 'don't shame me about my weight' stance like body armor. Being a dinner guest at someone's home is not the place to get up on your soapbox to prove your point. Perhaps the GF should bring something for Grandma at the next dinner.
If the grandmother was that dependent on leftovers, why didn't she immediately put the rest away after serving everyone? Why didn't the girlfriend see if anyone else is getting seconds? At least ask if she could get more.
Because everyone else present is tactful enough not to get seconds at grandma's so there's no need for her to go hide the food, while Ashley doesn't care what everyone else is doing and just gives in to her gluttony.
Load More Replies...Why would they bother to even eat at the grandmas house if she's so poor and has to harbor the left overs ? If you're too poor to afford food and have so much pride to take money/food from your grandson/family don't invite people over. The gf should be more considerate but this dude should be too. Why eat at her place twice if you know she cannot afford it? Food pantries, Snap benefits exist. Visit grandma when she's not cooking or making meals.
Because obviously it means a lot to grandma to be able to host dinners for her offspring. It's a generational thing, my grandma was the same.
Load More Replies...The gf is shockingly self-centered, but grandma's behaviour annoys me to.
Grandma certainly means well but if you can barely afford to feed yourself, then....yeah. If you insist on inviting people to dinner, there should be enough food for all the Ashley's, sorry. A case of misplaced pride that doesn't get anyone anywhere but leaves all participants feeling miserable.
YTA as is your family. Your grandma doesn’t have enough to eat and all of you are going along with it? So she’s proud - there’s lots of ways to get around that - bring her food and tell her you made too much, drop off groceries and ask her to make you something special but there is 3 times more than needed, give her money and beg her to treat herself. Or her children can have a candid conversation about her accepting money from them, framed as their duty. You could have done all these things but instead you didn’t tell your girlfriend in advance and then shamed her afterwards. Ashley then acted like someone shamed and probably expected you to solve the root problem instead of continuing her shaming, like by writing this post. My advice to ashley is cut this guy loose, he’s got a lot of issues.
NTA. As soon as he mentioned that she was a big girl and one of those "Body Positive" women, I knew where this was going.
It’s too much of a stretch to assume they believe in sin though.
Load More Replies...The girlfriend sounds like an entitled twat. I mean, "nobody other than me decides when I've had enough" - really? So when you're having dinner at somebody else's place you're just gonna eat everything they have if it just so happens you're not full yet? Rude. Even without the grandma's financial situation - other people may not yet have had enough either. And if you know up front that the person hosting is short on cash, then don't be a d**k and get a hold of yourself.
It's similar to waiting for the host to order their food or listening to what they are getting and order accordingly. (if they get a $9 dinner, you order $9 or less for yourself) My mother told me that's the polite thing. Rude to order a $25 meal. Shame on her for not having that knowledge either. He needs to find a better date.
Load More Replies...Ashley is being a selfish cow. The first dinner she wasn't to have known as he hadn't told her, and there is no mention of any issues when he brought it up after. However the following week to demand that she be allowed to eat as much as she wants of someone else's food, after knowing that it means they may go hungry is disgusting. Nothing to do with body shaming, she is just selfish. I understand people saying the OP should do more for his grandmother, however having had elderly relatives who refuse any help, the reality is you can't force them to accept it, and repeatedly trying to push it is just going to ruin what she sees as a nice things she can do for her family, and possibly is an excuse to be be able to make sure she sees them often
Yes, a lot of people saying the grandmother is rude have never had an older relative who just does things the way they do things. My grandma came up in the depression (she would have been 104 this year) and she never lost that attitude. She wouldn’t accept help, and my mom is the same way. Won’t take help if she’s dying.
Load More Replies...I know people like Ashley. A couple of years ago we had a guest over who has helped himself to no less than half of our lunch that was meant for 6 people. Yes. He just trotted into the kitchen and ate it all. By the time anyone had noticed, we were out of food and had to order a take-out. And just like Ashley, he was mighty offended that we called him out on it, saying that that is his usual portion size. Let's just say he doesn't get invited too often.
No respect for other people, I wouldn't invite him at all.
Load More Replies...Not sure how people can blame the OP for this one. Is grandma too proud for her own good? Yes. But taking *thirds* at someone else's house? Don't do it. There could be an argument for seconds, but in general that should only be if you're offered and if others are having it too. (IMO, anyway. I'm also a 'heavier person' but won't take more food than anyone else does) This is definitely not fat-shaming, the girlfriend needs to learn that not everything is about her weight.
I was raised that you never take a second helping of anything at someone else's table until invited.
Load More Replies...The people calling the granmother a asshole are completely wrong. Older people have pride and growing up poor means pride is sometimes all you have. And calling out the girlfriends greed isn't fat shaming after she knew the reason it was said. She may say she's all about body positivity but her actions make me think she has self control issues and that isn't being body positive.
But their pride is often dangerous and even deadly. Grandma refusing help with the meal and not eating for days can cause serious problems.
Load More Replies...Break up with her, immediately. Her first reaction is to get angry and accuse her boyfriend of 'shaming' her instead of apologising and sympathising with grandma's situation. If she's unashamed to behave like that and speak to her boyfriend of only three months like that, it'll get much, much worse. What an absolute prick.
Proud grand parents aren't that rare from what I've seen. However, getting around that isn't hard with a "I just made this dish a few times and wanted to get some opinions on it" to "I just wanted to treat you as thanks for all you've done". As for GF? Girl has issues.
You didn’t fat shame her at all. You were letting her know how your grandma is and she blatantly disregarded it. Red flag yes. I’d consider if the relationship is worth it tbh
Everyone is acting stupid in this situation. The grandma for refusing to accept help even though it's obvious she is struggling. The girlfriend for stuffing her mouth, knowing that the grandmother is struggling. The boy for accepting the invitation and bringing his girlfriend along instead of some extra food for the grandma. None of them look good in this story.
This! Everyone in this situation is acting irrationally. We can kinda give grandma a pass, but really if she’s that broke that the only food she has to sustain her for a few days is leftovers from that meal she needs to live in reality and accept help. If not from the family then from social services like meals on wheels, etc. And it’s kind of abuse if the family doesn’t make sure she is provided for no matter what she says. Also the guy should’ve explained before the first dinner. If the gf still acted badly, then don’t take her to any more dinners until she can understand the family. The gf was probably feeling bad, insecure, and overly sensitive and acted out inappropriately. Bad all the way around.
Load More Replies...GF gets a pass for the first family dinner. I can see how she might not have picked up on the social cues in a group that already knows the pattern. It sounds like the BF did his best to explain the situation to her respectfully and to suggest compromises that wouldn't leave GF or Gma hungry. GF blew up about it. In regards to the family making sure Gma has enough to eat for the week, I wonder if anyone has tried "Oh, these were on sale so I grabbed you one" or "we accidentally bought two of these, could you use one before it goes bad?" as a way of getting groceries to her. Sometimes the best way to help in a culture of generosity is to frame the receiving of aid as actually doing something generous.
This kid needs to leave a couple $20's in grandma's bedroom or show up midweek with groceries for her. As for the gf, he should attempt to clarify the situation to her in a moment of calm and cut her loose or accept her.
Yes! I got a grocery voucher grandma but I had to use it all at once, so I picked up groceries for the family members etc. Whatever it takes
Load More Replies...In what sense is this even close to being body shaming? It's all about not taking advantage of your grandma. The rest is nuts.
I'm kinda thin and I can eat about as much as a large person can lol. Should I complain about fat shaming for my appetite?
Load More Replies...Ashley sounds like a bad case of "If you never heal from what hurt you, you'll bleed on people who didn't cut you”. I guess she's had her share of nasty comments on her weight, and now she thinks everything is about that. That being said, can't the family hide some paper money every now and then in Grans house, like when you incidentally 'find' some lost/forgotten bank notes?
jessica r, I just had chills. you're a savvy person, grandma must be embraced with love. firmly!
Load More Replies...Wow, these people that are blaming Grandma for being "too proud" are idiots, and obviously NOT moms. Anyone who has ever given birth will sacrifice their very lives for their children (and, later, their children's children) and NOBODY should try to put any of this on her. Second, Ashley is a twit and should be kicked to the curb. Anyone that can't find the compassion to allow an old lady food for the next week needs to go, rapidly and far away. When she was informed of the circumstances and came back with "No, I'm gonna eat what I want and you're not telling me I can't" is actually saying, "I don't give a s**t about your grandma." And this is not the kind of person you want in your life.
Yes, he should have given his GF the story before they ate at Grandma's. There was NO WAY he was fat shaming her. She's a jerk for blowing up and turning it around on herself. As for Grandma....bless her soul for wanting to feed everyone. There's safety in numbers, so I think the family should insist on taking Grandma out to eat when possible. Then everybody can enjoy a nice evening out. Grandma is from a generation that thinks accepting help is a shameful thing. She's not gonna change so they're gonna have to get creative. At the core, it's not about who's paying for the food. It's a opportunity for the family to be together. Maybe show up at her house at dinner time with a pizza. ALWAYS say something like, "I had a coupon that was gonna expire" or it was buy one get one. Tell her there's no way you can eat that much food. If she still refuses, say casually, "Ok. I'll just throw it away then." That works every time.
No. She’ll either let it go bad or she’ll give it to a neighbor or something. It’s what they do.
Load More Replies...No one is fat shaming her, she is simply being inconsiderate and stupid. Even kid would understand that. And when you have dinner at someone's else place, taking second (or third) large portion of food makes you look loutish and uncultured, no matter how much food host have. At least it's a norm here.
NTA his gf is an entitled brat. if she cant respect her boyfriends family then i say kick her to the curb
Your Gran is awesome for inviting her again (how she can be at fault for expecting people to eat only what she serves them is mind boggling to an Englishman), you're awesome for trying so hard to help everyone get along, your OH is gaslighting you to avoid accepting she's just plain greedy. Good luck. NTA.
What a massive asshole the gf is! "Grandma is poor, please eat less." "You're fat-shaming me!" "No. I'm wealth-shaming you, you disgusting cow."
Everyone saying the grandma is too prideful just doesn't know how that generation is. Grandma's always be trying to feed everyone, and never want to take any money. Making the mistake at the first dinner wasn't the GF's fault, as she didn't know any better. If I went to a family dinner, I'd expect to be able to eat as much as I wanted of what was available to me. But after she was informed, she should have taken it to heart and been respectful. It didn't have anything to do with her weight
So young man, if you insist on staying in a relationship with Ashley that's your choice. However, there will be other occasions that will end up with the same result...little or no consideration for others. The excuse that "she didn't grow up that way just doesn't cut it. You tried to help her understand how things run in your family and guess what? She see's it as a comment about her weight. Now about grandma. She's a sweetie but try this on for size. Ok grandma, we'd love to come over for a meal but this time it's our treat. Then either buy or cook something you all love, make lot's for leftovers and don't take no for an answer. And give grandma an extra hug.
Ditch the selfish fatty. A fed grandmother is more important than 2nd and 3rd portions. Her attitude is unbelievable!
Ashley needs to go. Horrible person that takes food knowing someone will go hungry. As far as grandma goes, just tell her you aren't comfortable coming over for dinner knowing that she will be going hungry. You can say you love her cooking but if she won't accept some help from the people that love her, you aren't going to eat over there. There are other things you can do together. If she gets mad, you get mad right back. She needs to love you enough to let you help her out. That how things work. Helping each other.
Oh dear god lol. Clearly you’ve never dealt with one of theses old ladies...
Load More Replies...Ashley has to go. It is rude not to abide what a family does. They go to be with her not eat her out of house and home. Ashley has obviously not been taught manners and respect.
I did a birthday party for my daughter's 14th birthday and she had 8 friends over plus a few of us adults. Her favorite special treat is crab legs so I made them for them. They are pretty pricey but she rarely asks for much. I was really impressed when her friends were serving themselves they took into account how many people were there and didn't just pile up their plates and each only took 1 or 2. They are all 12-14 and all I could think of was how well they were raised.
Take Ashley out for a big dinner before taking her to Grandma's. She might be less tempted if she's full. Also, tell Grandma that you'll come only if you can bring bread, dessert, something? Explain that there's a big difference between charity and just being a nice guest. Grandma needs to get herself together.
Ashley is claiming her BF is fat-shaming her, and that she should be able to eat as much as she likes, whenever she likes. In that way, she is poor-shaming Grandma., who herself is letting her pride cloud her judgment. And the BF is not doing much of anything to resolve the issues. He needs to have a talk with Grandma and Ashley together. He needs to make sure everyone understands the context of the attitudes of both sides, and the unnecessary strain it’s putting on all the relationships. With better understanding can come better attitudes all around, as well as eliminating the strain everyone else was experiencing. Maybe Grandma can make her dinner parties pot luck from now on. Maybe, if Ashley is so well-off, BF and her can secretly pay some of Grandma’s steeper bills (the mortgage, or property taxes, or electric bill, or whatever her biggest expense is. (1 of 2)
(2 of 2) Or Ashley could secretly deposit money in Grandma’s bank account. I did that for a former poor, but proud, boyfriend who was still in college while I was already working, so he could buy the groceries he wouldn’t accept directly from me. The bank is just fine with you depositing money INTO someone else’s account. You don’t need the account number, just the name and address. They’ll look it up and fill out the deposit slip for you (so you won’t see the account number, of course). To make it less obvious, I only made small deposits, just enough to cover at least the basics for a typical grocery trip (he’d always at least have enough for milk, coffee, bread, eggs, peanut butter, vegetables, and a couple different meats—-once in a while a steak—-for a week), so he wouldn’t see a sudden jump in his bank balance—-more like a math error balancing his checkbook. If he ever figured it out, he never mentioned it, and he never tried to give it back. I loved him, and it made me happy to help him out, because he’d always been there for me.
Load More Replies...Well, it's rude for a guest to eat the entire food supply of a host, so gf is wrong. When you buy your food - yeah, you get to eat as much as you want, but if you are a guest at the dinner party, you have to be considerate of other people there. Grandmother has some strange principles, I mean, I can understand not accepting financial help, but bringing food to the party is absolutely normal, it's not a handout, just common courtesy, especially if the party is big, so the host might not have enough products for everyone or time to cook so much food. Anyway, Ashley is an asshole here.
I was formulating a response way before I saw others commenting there is a whole crew of AHs here. I am exactly the same age as grandma and unless she has KNOWN mental issues she is a major AH for her rigid guidelines and rules. She 'gets her feeling hurt' if anyone declines an invite? BS, grow up grandma. She 'won't let anyone bring food'? BS, when there is family gathering for a meal most people will bring a jug of milk, a side-dish, a dessert. Why is everyone kowtowing to this tyrant? OP is certainly not headed for a career as a politician, can't tell grandma the NEW RULES; PEOPLE BRING FOOD, GET OVER IT, nor reason more diplomatically with the gf. Everyone walking on eggshells, pffffttttt!!!
Sounds contrived. I’m assuming it’s not true. I’d like to hear Ashley’s side - if this story isn’t just bs, it’s probably something about how OP is communicating.
It definitely seems like it’s just made up. By someone who doesn’t have a grandma or a girlfriend.
Load More Replies...your girlfriend is rude, selfish, disrespectful to your family, greedy, entitled, spoilt and is so self centred it's a wonder she doesn't turn herself inside out.... so why is she still your girlfriend?
Gf a bit touchy. Once it was explained to her she had no excuse for greediness. Grandma also being a bit much, start taking her a “hostess gift” every time you go. Some nice biscuits or the dessert or something. You could excuse it as you being “the man of the family” or some such so she can maybe relate to you wanting to provide for her too.
Just don't bring her along going forward? Seems like an easy fix. If she can't take the reasoning behind it and throws a tantrum about it, easier fix: break up. When you're young, you're always willing to put up with so much s**t. Easy tip: just don't. You'll live a better life.
I totally get NTA=Not the asshole and YTA=You're the asshole, but what does ESH mean?
Load More Replies...If someone who can only afford a certain amount of food. Asks you to be mindful of the consumption of that food and you yell at that person. Well it's not hard to see who the very wrong a s s h o l e is.
Your girlfriend is a selfish bitch. You're dating 3 months and this is how it's going already? Who eats 3 helpings period? There's a matter of manners when you're at someone else's home. Any decent person would have their heart go out to Grams and take this as an opportunity to bring some dessert, or food, and just say this is how you do it in your family. Take the situation and get Gram to accept something because people love her, not out of "charity". Ditch the GF. Otherwise you're letting someone mistreat your grandmother and you're an Ass, too
Dumb her. If she's this inconsiderate and selfish at three months, imagine what she'll be like after a 1yr+. Run for the hills and don't look back. Any kind, half-decent person would be worried about their partner's grandparent, they wouldn't react the way this woman did.
Ashley needs to go, and you need to take Grandma out to dinner more. no way would my grandmother not be eating if i knew about it ahead of time. tell her it's to celebrate some occasion of yours or that you just love her company.
Seems simple to me, just don't bring her over to grandma's for dinner anymore. Not thinking of warning someone for something that you are very used to is nor smart but I don't think it makes OP an AH. Just made a mistake and hopefully he'll remember that next time he brings someone over for dinner. I get why she got defensive, but not altering your behaviour after learning the facts does make her an AH. And that family really needs to sit grandma down and discuss this, that bringing food is not charity, but more common courtesy. Heck ,I would just get groceries and put it in her kitchen. I would not even mention it, chances are she'll forget about how they got there anyway and use them when no one is there.
1. Ashley is rude and entitled. Every polite person knows not to take too much when you're a guest. 2. Good for him for knowing this relationship is going nowhere and why 3. I've had proud older relatives. Sometimes you have to help them even when they don't want it and they get angry. Just do it. Bring some groceries, tell her to hush because you don't get charity from family. You get care.
They get horrifically offended. My grandmother was just like this. If we brought food she’d throw it out or give it to neighbors.
Load More Replies...Everyone seems weird here to me. Asking for seconds is a compliment, going for thirds is a bit much. Your grandma expecting people to only eat tiny portions to spare her pride and poverty is also bizarre. If things are that bad she shouldn't be declining help. Also, dump the GF, she's weird. She eats like a bloody horse and gets crazy and takes things personally about her weight. Imagine what she would be like 10 years down the road and 50 to 100 pounds heavier the way she is going
I got the impression that it wasn't the grandma expecting them to eat tiny portions. The guy said they, the family, used to do this in order to make sure there would be enough left for grandma for the following days. 🤔
Load More Replies...Maybe you should offer Ashley a bottle of milk after dinner because SHE SOUNDS LIKE A BABY. And, regardless of whether or not your grandmother has money I was always taught that it's impolite to EAT IN EXCESS when you're at someone else's home, or anywhere for that matter. She sounds like a gluttonous brat, no one needs three servings of anything. It's not fat shaming; it's greed shaming. Gross.
Ashley doesn't sound like a match. But there are ways to get around stubborn relatives and make sure they have food. Bring meat or other expensive parts of your grandma's meals over before she starts cooking and tell her you want to be an adult and start contributing and that you're thankful for her amazing cooking and all she's done for you. You can also stash money in places she's likely to come across it like the pocket of jackets she often wears, in a pocket of her purse, etc. You can also randomly bring some groceries and tell her something like "it was buy one get one free and I can't eat this much" or "these were on sale, I think they may expire soon, can you take some?" things like that.
It's a good thing Ashley loves herself so much, it sounds like no one else ever will. Dump her on a post it and hide all of her cereal just for fun.
What a strange argument. 1) Always bring food with you when going over for dinner. Like I may tell friends and family not to bring anything, I am the host and they are the guests, but I have never been upset with someone for bringing a dish. 2) Kid, learn to stash cash around the house. My dad never let me buy his food but he would give me his credit card to go shopping every week for him cause he couldn't leave the house the last year of his life but I never once used it and I took time to stash cash around the house here and there where he would run into it sooner or later. 3) Dump the girlfriend, she is entitled and the AH in this situation 100%. Blaming an old lady because she is incapable of control herself for one dinner is absurd. Not fat shaming, but behavior shaming. Like having a partner who wants to talk about their sex life at a family gathering because they are sexually liberated. Not the time.
Make it a trade; for every meal she cooks, you make her one, bc you make it clear she is in need, however you are not doing that! You can be stubborn too! Stop accepting it otherwise. Your girlfriend and you both may need counseling; I doubt you would have brought up her weight in an online forum if you hadn't done this to her as well in a judgemental manner. You both need to work on seeing the other person's pov, or this is a total waste of time and no one will grow or benefit from this.
This was exactly what I expected it to be. My grandmother is the same. Here it's my spoiled cousin that's the problem. She and her BF goes to grandma now and then and eats her out of the house. There are weeks where grandma eats an egg a day, maybe with a piece of bread, if the cousin left any. Once grandma told me that there was steak left after dinner. Great? Nope! My cousin threw it on the floor and fed her dog with it. Grandma almost cried when she told me about it.
The same thing happened with my grandma and a stupid cousin of mine, she'd go to grandma's with her boyfriend (who was unpolite enough not to take his hat off at the table, something older generations used to do), and raided her fridge. Grandma got in the habit of buying lots of legumes so they'd fill up sooner, just because grandmas want to be generous with their stupid grandkids. Once I was invited over for tea I was careful not to eat so much and brought my own bread, I think she liked that but norms dictated I didn't have to do that. She just wanted to be a good host. Trouble was my cousin got all entitled when she was being generous.
Load More Replies...The first dinner, you let it slide, because the girlfriend didn't know. After having it explained to her before the second dinner and getting upset, the girlfriend is the AH. As for the people who are saying that grandma is the AH, you must not understand the older generation. My great grandmother was like this grandmother. She was a proud woman that did not accept help from anyone. She didn't have much, but was still able to raise my mom and uncle on what little she had. This grandma seems to be the same way. The girlfriend is not being fat shamed at all. She is being selfish and oversensitive. The boyfriend is not trying to insult his girlfriend, he's trying to make sure that his grandmother has enough food. Also to the people suggesting that he just needs to bring her food: My grandmother and great grandmother did not believe in eating food that you didn't prepare yourself. They didn't eat other people's cooking, even if it was family. This grandmother may be just like this.
nah even on the first dinner it's kinda rude to eat more than 1 helping if not told, at least that's how I was raised
Load More Replies...Is it me or everyone involved is kind of wrong in their own way? Ashley is for not seeing the point... the guy for firstly not realising the issue and informing the girlfriend.. then getting angry at her for eating and then inviting her again and informing how much to eat. and the grandmother for not asking for a bit of help... i can understand pride and not accepting help from strangers... but you can ask family. or just dont invite. i wont if i have financial issues... as the person inviting, it is my priority to make sure there is enough on table.. if it gets over, i am not going to be sad because i know it was liked....
Not in the slightest. That's a very strange reasoning.
Load More Replies...She sounds like she's too entitled to be considerate. Don't disappoint Grandma again by having her with you again, I'd see ... Grandma won't tell if she hates your GF, as far as the description of both of them can carry, she'll rather swallow any anger (instead of food, maybe). Plus, bring other things to Grandma. If she's to take care of food and stuff, you are to take care of, say, gardening tools or machinery, and you can buy stuff she will need and leave it there, so she won't spend money on a pair of branch scissors, therefore may have more money on hand for eateries.
Gluttony, plain and simple. The whole "fat shaming" nonsense is a shield that fat people like Ashley hide behind to excuse their revolting behavior. After stuffing her face with all of Grandma's food like a sow at the trough, I'm surprised she didn't go checking the fridge for more. What an ignorant woman.
When you go to someone's house for dinner, you watch the other guests and the host. You choose your portions the way they choose theirs. If you want seconds, wait to see if anyone else takes seconds (or you are offered more) or if the serving bowls are cleared. Never take thirds unless you are offered. If you feel hungry afterward, stop somewhere on the way home for a burger or a pint of ice cream or whatever makes you feel fed. You're a guest, not the host.
It would be nice (although the GF is an a*****e for her eating habits) if OP could sneak some food in for Grandma. Something he knows she has but might not realize she's got more...
With grandma not taking food, groceries etc., I am going to guess these folks are southern. Southern women aren't "proud" per se, they're stubborn. Women always fed the family whether or not they ate. I took that position when my mamaw died. I supply as much food for main courses and everyone else will bring a desert or drinks, if I don't have sweet tea. With that assumption, grandma would not accept food from anyone. What I would honestly do (it's been done to me) is bring in a cooler with food and say it's just drinks and when you're putting left overs in the fridge, add some of your food from your cooler to the fridge. As far as being the AH, I think GF needs to go. I understand asking for 2nds is a good sign, refusing to save food so an elderly lady can eat all week is just wrong. That is a HUGE red flag
You’re both asses. Grandma is entitled to have her dinner parties. It gives her pleasure and her family understands helping her. Your girlfriend is a privileged brat. Why would you take her to your grandmother’s, knowing what she’s going to do? Why stay with her for that matter?
Forget the girlfriend. She is irrelevant. But what is important is your grandmother's lack of food. I get it, but what happens when you have three kids. Are you all going to go over there and just eat a piece of broccoli? With every added family member you eat a little bit less? You need to smooth a way that allows you all to bring a dish of food. Tell grandma you're taking a cooking class and want to share your creation, and she's your inspiration. Or ask her to show you how to make that favourite dish, and turn up with all the ingredients so that everyone can eat well. Sign her up for Meals on Wheels if you can. This girlfriend is really not the issue here.
Tell ur gran flat out that if she doesn't accept side dishes then u aren't coming then make Ashley cook them and bring. They both has to accept the situation and act accordingly. Oo
Why not help your granny out buy are some groceries so she doesn't have to starve
I am obese. I wholeheartedly support not fat shaming. It's so strange that people (rightly) have compassion for alcoholics and drug addicts, but not food addicts. That said, being obese is TERRIBLE for you and people should never tell themselves otherwise.
After reading these comments I’ve decided it’s “no thanks, I just ate” if anybody ever invites me for dinner. I don’t care if I haven’t eaten in a week. Way too much drama. Grandma needs to invite them over, just not for dinner.
I'm a big lass, I can eat a lot but when going to my bf's Grandma's for the first time for dinner I would have what was put in front of me and I definitely wouldn't go back for more. If I was hungry I'd go and get something else to eat afterwards. Ashley is being a bitch and sounds like she is more trouble that she's worth.
Dump her now. She's an entitled, fat pig without a conscious. Ditch the porking sow. Also never date an "ashley." They all come with some drama
Ashley's gotta go, and you need to take Grandma out for dinner more often. my grandmother would not go hungry if i had anything to say about it.
DUMP THE GIRLFRIEND. IMEDIEATLY. She will only get worse. FURTHER, How about showing up early and bringing the main course or some side dishes enough to leave for left overs. OR do what we did. We'd show up early and tell mom, "Mom you have been cooking for us for your whole life. We're going to cook for you and you just relax in your own home and we'll cook, serve and clean up" Mom LOVED IT. And we didn't have a money problem nor did she but nonetheless we did it anyway.
Ashley, just have a big breakfast before you go, let Grandma have her leftovers and her pride, taking care of her grandson brings her joy, let her have that.
Feed the cow gf b4 you go to grannys, bring groceries to granny, dump the gf
Can u and ashley take grandmother out to dinner someplace? Or invite grandmother over for dinner?
This is like having a pizza party at the office and you take a whole box for yourself without considering whether the others already had their fill or not. Have your seconds once everyone had their fill or just take no refill at all.
This is a ridiculous situation. Grandma can't afford to have a proper dinner for guests, but insists that they come over anyhow. Ashley is not the asshole. If it requires a bunch of mental gymnastics to have dinner at his grandmother's house, then he should not have brought her there. If grandma is poor but won't accept help, then it is her problem if her guest ate too much. Telling a guest how much to eat is tacky and rude. Ashley should reconsider whether or not she wants to be part of this weird family.
Yeah the girlfriend is WAY over the line. Although Grandma should accept help too since she is financially struggling. But the guy was being considerate saying they could go eat later if she wasn't full. Yet the gf INSISTS, on eating as much as she possibly can. Did she even think about the other people? At all? I don't think so.
It's a matter of how she was raised, and her common sense and etiquette, which she proved to not have much of, but regardless of how much my guest ate; I would never let my grandma go hungry; I would pretend I had so much extra food and bring it to her if grandma was too proud to ask for financial help for her meals
I do think the OP dropped the ball on the first dinner, but was good about not making an issue of it during that dinner. They discussed it after and that should have been enough. Knowing what she knows should have been enough. As the girlfriend, she had the option to decline with some plausible excuse that grandma would accept. There was a time when being raised in a wealthy environment you were taught to observe what is going on around you and act appropriately. Ashley should have noticed that she was the only one taking large portions and going back for seconds and thirds. This is the kind of thing that etiquette classes once taught. As to grandma, hospitality is a common cultural norm, and not one that a person unlearns at a certain age. American visitors, to many countries (especially less well off) often receive instructions on how not to put one's hosts ill-at-ease or in distress. It is a basic courtesy that should be universal.
ESH! Your grandmother is probably ecstatic for the attention and love her meals are bringing... Someone loves her cooking! You and your GF need to work on communication. Make your grandma dinner together next time and invite her over! Make enough that you "have to "send some home with her", bc I doubt she would hate taking food more than allowing it to spoil.
Having only read the headline, I don't think this is going to go well for the guy.
Wow, that was not what I expected. He needs to dump her ASAP.
Load More Replies...To me it seems that the GF and the Grandmother have issues that clash. Grandma almost presents as someone who plays a martyr role and/or feels more in control when help is turned down. Other people offer to help her because it makes the family members feel good about themselves when caring for her. The GF is wearing her 'don't shame me about my weight' stance like body armor. Being a dinner guest at someone's home is not the place to get up on your soapbox to prove your point. Perhaps the GF should bring something for Grandma at the next dinner.
If the grandmother was that dependent on leftovers, why didn't she immediately put the rest away after serving everyone? Why didn't the girlfriend see if anyone else is getting seconds? At least ask if she could get more.
Because everyone else present is tactful enough not to get seconds at grandma's so there's no need for her to go hide the food, while Ashley doesn't care what everyone else is doing and just gives in to her gluttony.
Load More Replies...Why would they bother to even eat at the grandmas house if she's so poor and has to harbor the left overs ? If you're too poor to afford food and have so much pride to take money/food from your grandson/family don't invite people over. The gf should be more considerate but this dude should be too. Why eat at her place twice if you know she cannot afford it? Food pantries, Snap benefits exist. Visit grandma when she's not cooking or making meals.
Because obviously it means a lot to grandma to be able to host dinners for her offspring. It's a generational thing, my grandma was the same.
Load More Replies...The gf is shockingly self-centered, but grandma's behaviour annoys me to.
Grandma certainly means well but if you can barely afford to feed yourself, then....yeah. If you insist on inviting people to dinner, there should be enough food for all the Ashley's, sorry. A case of misplaced pride that doesn't get anyone anywhere but leaves all participants feeling miserable.
YTA as is your family. Your grandma doesn’t have enough to eat and all of you are going along with it? So she’s proud - there’s lots of ways to get around that - bring her food and tell her you made too much, drop off groceries and ask her to make you something special but there is 3 times more than needed, give her money and beg her to treat herself. Or her children can have a candid conversation about her accepting money from them, framed as their duty. You could have done all these things but instead you didn’t tell your girlfriend in advance and then shamed her afterwards. Ashley then acted like someone shamed and probably expected you to solve the root problem instead of continuing her shaming, like by writing this post. My advice to ashley is cut this guy loose, he’s got a lot of issues.
NTA. As soon as he mentioned that she was a big girl and one of those "Body Positive" women, I knew where this was going.
It’s too much of a stretch to assume they believe in sin though.
Load More Replies...
134
186