“It’s Different For Boys”: Moms Who Brag About Being #BoyMoms Get Called Out In Viral Post
There are over 14 million posts tagged with the #BoyMom hashtag on Instagram. From portraits of chubby-cheeked babies to the pics of little boys doing stereotypically “boyish” things, the content seems endless. And for most, the hashtag seems like an innocent and lighthearted way to express something as simple as being a mom. Or does it?
It turns out, the use of this hashtag is also somewhat questionable as some people claim it not only divides mothers who raise boys from the rest of motherhood, but also fixates on gender, promoting the gender binary. Some even say that hashtags like #BoyMom and #GirlDad don’t just identify the genders of the child and parent, but they emphasize a child’s gender in opposition to that of the parent. In this way it may be reinforcing gender stereotypes.
So when someone asked “What makes being a ‘Boymom’ so different from just a mom?” on the Parenting subreddit, the thread quickly turned into a thought-provoking discussion. We have selected some of the most interesting responses right below, so scroll down and be sure to share what you think of these hashtags!
The mom of one girl has shared this post on r/Parenting in a bid to find out what makes a “Boy Mom” different from other moms
Image credits: Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ethrynn
In the age of social media, many parents have an incessant need to gender children through hashtags and it’s not a new thing.
Dr. Jessica N. Pabón-Colón, associate professor of women’s, gender, and sexuality studies at SUNY New Paltz, explains this phenomenon to Refinery29: “The #GirlDad hashtag is announcing the ‘masculine’ father’s ability to parent a child whose ‘feminine’ gender is different from his, just as the #BoyMom hashtag announces the ‘feminine’ mother’s ability to parent a child whose ‘masculine’ gender is different from hers. Both seem to suggest that the parents are going out of their way to parent a child with a different gender and are proud of it, which seems innocent but can be cumulatively harmful.”
According to Jessica, the #GirlDad hashtag is particularly problematic. “It is used in part to express pride over parenting a girl — a declaration only necessary in a patriarchal society that values girls less than boys.”
Moreover, for queer kids, especially those who identify as non-binary or trans, society’s obsession with gender may be particularly harmful. So as innocent as the hashtags may seem, it’s a good idea to really ask yourself whether they’re communicating the right values and approaches to gender when little kids are at their most vulnerable.
The thread has turned into an illuminating discussion where people shared how they view the #BoyMom hashtag
it's kind of the same nonsens as the "You are not a real mom because you only had a c-section. "
Good grief, people actually say that? How on earth does how the baby comes out make any difference? Additionally, people who adopt then aren't real mums and dads? Effing hell... Nonsense indeed 🙄
Load More Replies...Up next, hashtag "girldad", and in the future people will ask, "WTF did this matter?" much as we are doing now. You're a parent. Your child is not the same gender. OK. And we move on. They're not mirrors or mini-mes. They're them. Own people. Boy, girl, neither, both, whatever. Geez.
I was nervous when I found out I was having a boy. I have only one sister, and cousins that lived close enough that I knew them were all female; he would be the first boy born in the family in 30 years. But then he was born, and I realised a child is a child, and every kid is different. I don't know why I was worried about the gender of my child being unfamiliar territory, and it was a pretty stupid thing to worry about tbh 🤷♀️
I think it's natural to have that concern. You were entering unfamiliar territory, which is always a bit scary. But, like you said, a child is a child. Both genders are as beautiful and as annoying as each other.
Load More Replies...I had a colleague from India who would not have approved of the #boymom tag. She saw her three sons as individuals and was turned off by the idea that her community lauded her for having three sons. That meant her sons could be themselves. They also had to help with housework - smart move, too, very few will want a spoiled man who can't or won't help around the house.
The whole "raising boys is harder" thing is BS. From what my mother told me, and my grandmother, too, raising girls is harder.
I think it is entirely dependent on the child's personality.
Load More Replies...I've never gave it much thought. I have a really pretty girl, whose first word was ball, had hot wheels and dinosaurs, and loved bugs. Now she is a gorgeous 27 yr old, who drives a race car like GTI, and can talk any guy under the table about cars. I love it!!!
She sounds like a great girl. I can't imagine mine all grown up.
Load More Replies...Lol.This post is awesome! I think these moms need their heads tweaked.Its kind of creepy.I personally have a son & a daughter. My son is older & when I was carrying my 2nd as much as I only cared for her to be healthy,I did say it would be nice to have one of each.But these people that are like Oh I only want boys,their easier ect.They off.I could care less what gender my child is.I do have a friend that only wanted boys & is obsessed with being a boy mom.& thinks she's diff cause she ONLY has boys & I have 1 of each,like I didn't go through the same things raising my son because I have a daughter too? So strange,she creeps me out. Needless to say,I don't really associate w/her She also believes because I had to have 2 c-sections & she had vaginal births that she got to bond more w/her kids.🙄Ugh some humans need to be brought down a little
I had a similar experience as you. My first born is a son and second is a daughter. I had a few mothers of sons tell me when I was pregnant with my daughter that they are so thankful to not have daughters and mentioned that girls are so much harder to raise, etc. They can say what they want, but it doesn't diminish my excitement for having a daughter. A child is amazing regardless of gender. I actually feel sorry for women who make comments like that because it's actually sexist against their own gender.
Load More Replies...My kid is a kid. When he's acting like a wild beast, it's not because he's a boy. It's because he's a kid. He's not much different from how I was as a child. The main difference is how boys and girls are treated. I feel like I hear a lot of adults trying to label him or impose their gender stereotypes on him, and I try to make sure he hears me correct them. I'd be doing the same for a daughter, but the stereotypes and expectations would just be different. I want my son to be a good person and have a happy life.
You just put into words how i feel too ❤ Well said
Load More Replies...Promoting gender stereotypes is harmful for society and particularly children. There's no need to belittle anyone else to prop up your self esteem. Same goes for racism, nationalism, etc. Its all a form of tribalism and classism. Solidarity based on arbitrary attributes is superficial and meaningless.
Since they are the ones who choose their husbands, women are the main perpetuators of gender roles. Even feminist women find straight men who aren't masculine unattractive.
Load More Replies...It was a much better world when we could disagree with each other with respect.
I know of people who have done this because they desperately wanted a girl
As the son of a mother that would have DEFINITELY identified as "boymom" should I have been born in this era, there is something there. I never was a momma's boy, and that's obviously a huge disappointment for my mom. These women are sick, and at least in my case there's a really uncomfortable sexual undertone to the whole relationship.
Sometimes moms bond extreme, cause they don't get attention from dad. Doesn't have to be the case here.
Load More Replies...Women who have only boys are almost proprietary over them. They don't treat them like people. I see it as almost an oedipus situation every time.
Load More Replies...Oh, God. One of my exes has two sons and almost any social media post she makes has a #boymom tag 🙄
Some of the people who replied to her should use #offendedbyeverything
Don't know how I feel about this. I have 3 sons, all adults now. Each one was their own person growing up and as adults. I'm assuming it is the same for girls.
Not once in the 25 years I have been a mom have I considered the genitalia of my children when making decisions about them or judging their actions. The closest I have come is very recently when my daughter became pregnant. My son, as if this writing, cannot do that. The rest is just stupid misconceptions and misplaced expectations.
I'm a mom of 3 boys (28,26 &22) and I celebrate them for being healthy & happy-having a child is a celebration & having other sexes is a bonus. Just give them love whatever their gender is!
As the mother of five daughters who badly wanted a son (ours was the last chance to "carry on the family name"), and a teacher and grandmother of several grandsons, genders are NOT totally neutral. We live in a society that doesn't allow this. Anyway. I went through coming to terms with never having a son only recently I'm not proud of this but my God my daughters defer to me like a surrogate mother. I'm very active with their families right it's rare that I see such closeness with adult sons and mothers with their own families. My daughters are great but they would have been more awesome had I not wasted energy on mourning not having a boy.
Wow lots of good comments and lots ppl who want to make a mountain out of a mole hill. I’m a single dad, I have two girls …turns out I am an exceptional #girldad which I never would have guessed. So I think what happens is this, kids don’t grab their bikes and ride down to the park after school like when I was a kid. They are scheduled at activities weekends included. The boymoms and the girlsmoms are at separate events. Some moms have boys and girls (or other) and flip back and forth. But for the most part you kid wants to be in the same things as other kids they are friends with. I will generalize for brevity. Boymoms are hauling groups of boys and all their equipment to less boojie activities and sitting around waiting for them to be done /so they can load the suv with the dirty equipment. While the girl moms get to do some of that mixed with stuff that lets them sit at cafe next to the dance studio and have a glass of wine in AC/heat in winter. I could go on but that’s what I see
I only have boys come visit. Once, when son was small, the sister of a friend wanted to come play. I baked cookies with her. I was used to: Where's the dough? She really wanted to bake cookies. Eldest had one girl friend in preschool. She was a year older. She often hung out with us. Her mom didn't really play with her and her brother did his own thing. Son once just jumped on her, trying to wrestle. Ehmm no sweetheart. I don't think she likes that. Why? They walked after her like 3 little ducks. A friend of her said: Why are you always hanging out with these 3 little boys? She liked it. She could talk to me, we had adventures. She came over a lot. Now that they're older it's only boys though.
Load More Replies...Well boys are slower to delevoped intellectually speaking than girls. Boys tend to be more rambunctious and fight more than girls . This IS a nature sort of thing that can totally be exaggerated by the nuture. I guess I'm trying to say boys and girls are different. You can parent them the same and your children will be different. It's maybe just a trend but it seems harmless to me
Had no idea this was a thing. In the UK a few years back there was SMOG - smug mums of girls as opposed to SMOB - stressed mums of boys. I've got two boys and tbh I'm pretty stressed. As a girl with just a sister, and who went to an all girls' school, I have no idea what's going on.
I have a girl and a boy. When I was pregnant with my son everyone made such a huge deal about hoping it was a boy. I swore once we found out we wouldn't tell anyone. I had always hoped for one of each but for my husband and I we were just happy the baby was healthy. We would have been just as happy with another girl as we were with our son. We had decided on 2 kids no matter what we had and people couldn't understand why we wouldn't keep trying for a boy.
i am mom to a boy, now 42, and i also raised helped raise his son, now 20, after his mom passed away at three months. i can honestly say that while i never had a preference as to what i would have when i was pregnant i am glad i had a boy. i actually worried that i would have a girl because i was sooo not a girly girl. my mom used to tease me when i was pregnant that (and please don't take offense as it was her generation talking) that if i had a girl she would either end up a feminist or a lesbian. to which i would counter that either would be fine but a combo of both would be badass. but, for me, boys were easier since i was a tomboy then and now. what i will say made a difference was that as a single mom i feel i did give them both the ability to be strong men but also the ability to be comfortable with their emotions and not buy into what is now referred to toxic masculinity. seems the circle is turning again because he remarried a very strong beautiful woman and had another son
My mother did say to a friend of mine, ah wait till you have a boy. Inside my head I said well thanks mum, though I'm sure she loves and values me as much as my brother. My friend did tear her off a strip though
I think it has to do with girly moms having to adjust to rough-and-tumble boys. It's definitely an adjustment when you didn't grow up playing in dirt and wrestling and thinking bodily functions are funny. You learn to embrace it and throw in the distinction that there are no frills and tutus in the house. I have 3 daughters, so I could go with the distinction of #girlmom, but i wasn't a girly girl and neither are my daughters. Hell, they love to play in the dirt with toy tractors while wearing their princess dresses!
THIS. I wasn't a girly girl growing up either, but after having two boys, I realized "tomboy" is very different from *actual* boy. It was a definite adjustment, but one I couldn't be happier about. I LOVE being a mom to boys. The "overcompensating" comments from some people are way off the mark, and frankly, insulting. I don't feel "robbed" because I don't have a daughter ffs. And like you said, howdylee, if I did have girls, they'd probably be tomboys too!
Load More Replies...According to SJWs/4th wave feminists, being a boy mom is all about making sure he doesn't became an alt-right rapist/serial killer.
Try not to enforce gender stereotypes. I know girls who crash toy cars and boys who listen to My Little Pony and wear pink.
What about those that can't have children and people who constantly complain online about how hard it is to be a parent and how exhausting it is to get attention?
#boymom simply means you are the mom to only boys. #girlmom simply means you are the mom to only girls, though it seems to be used less often. There is a very real dynamic that takes place when you have only boys OR only girls vs both-and it is not dependent on way those children act. That's all it is. It is not about one gender being better than another, it's just a fun way to show that the dynamic in your household is influenced by the genetics that are represented and you are embracing it.
There are certainly differences in having a son or a daughter ... or both ... but I never felt "special" as a "boy mom" ... why should I ?! I have for example. 5 older brothers, because my mom always wanted a daughter. If her 3rd or 4th child had turned out to be a girl, I would have fewer brothers ... and certainly no younger siblings at all. I asked her about it, when I was pregnant! I have 2 sons myself and I was happy about that. The thought of having to deal with all the "girly stuff" ... like barbies, ruffles, pink glitter and above all the "girl drama", gave me a bit of anxiety back then. My attitude towards this has changed over the years ... which is probably also due to the girlfriends of my oldest son. Through these girls / young women, I got at least a tiny impression of what it could be like, to have a daughter ... and I like it more and more. But that's probably also due to the fact, that my son was almost always lucky, with the choice of his female partners.
My mom was actually different. She wanted a boy because she’s always been more of a tomboy. Well, she got me, and I’m sometimes girly but I’m really a tomboy through and through! Interestingly, my dad wanted a girl.
Within each gender as well as to each other. Be quicker to say PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT
Load More Replies...it's kind of the same nonsens as the "You are not a real mom because you only had a c-section. "
Good grief, people actually say that? How on earth does how the baby comes out make any difference? Additionally, people who adopt then aren't real mums and dads? Effing hell... Nonsense indeed 🙄
Load More Replies...Up next, hashtag "girldad", and in the future people will ask, "WTF did this matter?" much as we are doing now. You're a parent. Your child is not the same gender. OK. And we move on. They're not mirrors or mini-mes. They're them. Own people. Boy, girl, neither, both, whatever. Geez.
I was nervous when I found out I was having a boy. I have only one sister, and cousins that lived close enough that I knew them were all female; he would be the first boy born in the family in 30 years. But then he was born, and I realised a child is a child, and every kid is different. I don't know why I was worried about the gender of my child being unfamiliar territory, and it was a pretty stupid thing to worry about tbh 🤷♀️
I think it's natural to have that concern. You were entering unfamiliar territory, which is always a bit scary. But, like you said, a child is a child. Both genders are as beautiful and as annoying as each other.
Load More Replies...I had a colleague from India who would not have approved of the #boymom tag. She saw her three sons as individuals and was turned off by the idea that her community lauded her for having three sons. That meant her sons could be themselves. They also had to help with housework - smart move, too, very few will want a spoiled man who can't or won't help around the house.
The whole "raising boys is harder" thing is BS. From what my mother told me, and my grandmother, too, raising girls is harder.
I think it is entirely dependent on the child's personality.
Load More Replies...I've never gave it much thought. I have a really pretty girl, whose first word was ball, had hot wheels and dinosaurs, and loved bugs. Now she is a gorgeous 27 yr old, who drives a race car like GTI, and can talk any guy under the table about cars. I love it!!!
She sounds like a great girl. I can't imagine mine all grown up.
Load More Replies...Lol.This post is awesome! I think these moms need their heads tweaked.Its kind of creepy.I personally have a son & a daughter. My son is older & when I was carrying my 2nd as much as I only cared for her to be healthy,I did say it would be nice to have one of each.But these people that are like Oh I only want boys,their easier ect.They off.I could care less what gender my child is.I do have a friend that only wanted boys & is obsessed with being a boy mom.& thinks she's diff cause she ONLY has boys & I have 1 of each,like I didn't go through the same things raising my son because I have a daughter too? So strange,she creeps me out. Needless to say,I don't really associate w/her She also believes because I had to have 2 c-sections & she had vaginal births that she got to bond more w/her kids.🙄Ugh some humans need to be brought down a little
I had a similar experience as you. My first born is a son and second is a daughter. I had a few mothers of sons tell me when I was pregnant with my daughter that they are so thankful to not have daughters and mentioned that girls are so much harder to raise, etc. They can say what they want, but it doesn't diminish my excitement for having a daughter. A child is amazing regardless of gender. I actually feel sorry for women who make comments like that because it's actually sexist against their own gender.
Load More Replies...My kid is a kid. When he's acting like a wild beast, it's not because he's a boy. It's because he's a kid. He's not much different from how I was as a child. The main difference is how boys and girls are treated. I feel like I hear a lot of adults trying to label him or impose their gender stereotypes on him, and I try to make sure he hears me correct them. I'd be doing the same for a daughter, but the stereotypes and expectations would just be different. I want my son to be a good person and have a happy life.
You just put into words how i feel too ❤ Well said
Load More Replies...Promoting gender stereotypes is harmful for society and particularly children. There's no need to belittle anyone else to prop up your self esteem. Same goes for racism, nationalism, etc. Its all a form of tribalism and classism. Solidarity based on arbitrary attributes is superficial and meaningless.
Since they are the ones who choose their husbands, women are the main perpetuators of gender roles. Even feminist women find straight men who aren't masculine unattractive.
Load More Replies...It was a much better world when we could disagree with each other with respect.
I know of people who have done this because they desperately wanted a girl
As the son of a mother that would have DEFINITELY identified as "boymom" should I have been born in this era, there is something there. I never was a momma's boy, and that's obviously a huge disappointment for my mom. These women are sick, and at least in my case there's a really uncomfortable sexual undertone to the whole relationship.
Sometimes moms bond extreme, cause they don't get attention from dad. Doesn't have to be the case here.
Load More Replies...Women who have only boys are almost proprietary over them. They don't treat them like people. I see it as almost an oedipus situation every time.
Load More Replies...Oh, God. One of my exes has two sons and almost any social media post she makes has a #boymom tag 🙄
Some of the people who replied to her should use #offendedbyeverything
Don't know how I feel about this. I have 3 sons, all adults now. Each one was their own person growing up and as adults. I'm assuming it is the same for girls.
Not once in the 25 years I have been a mom have I considered the genitalia of my children when making decisions about them or judging their actions. The closest I have come is very recently when my daughter became pregnant. My son, as if this writing, cannot do that. The rest is just stupid misconceptions and misplaced expectations.
I'm a mom of 3 boys (28,26 &22) and I celebrate them for being healthy & happy-having a child is a celebration & having other sexes is a bonus. Just give them love whatever their gender is!
As the mother of five daughters who badly wanted a son (ours was the last chance to "carry on the family name"), and a teacher and grandmother of several grandsons, genders are NOT totally neutral. We live in a society that doesn't allow this. Anyway. I went through coming to terms with never having a son only recently I'm not proud of this but my God my daughters defer to me like a surrogate mother. I'm very active with their families right it's rare that I see such closeness with adult sons and mothers with their own families. My daughters are great but they would have been more awesome had I not wasted energy on mourning not having a boy.
Wow lots of good comments and lots ppl who want to make a mountain out of a mole hill. I’m a single dad, I have two girls …turns out I am an exceptional #girldad which I never would have guessed. So I think what happens is this, kids don’t grab their bikes and ride down to the park after school like when I was a kid. They are scheduled at activities weekends included. The boymoms and the girlsmoms are at separate events. Some moms have boys and girls (or other) and flip back and forth. But for the most part you kid wants to be in the same things as other kids they are friends with. I will generalize for brevity. Boymoms are hauling groups of boys and all their equipment to less boojie activities and sitting around waiting for them to be done /so they can load the suv with the dirty equipment. While the girl moms get to do some of that mixed with stuff that lets them sit at cafe next to the dance studio and have a glass of wine in AC/heat in winter. I could go on but that’s what I see
I only have boys come visit. Once, when son was small, the sister of a friend wanted to come play. I baked cookies with her. I was used to: Where's the dough? She really wanted to bake cookies. Eldest had one girl friend in preschool. She was a year older. She often hung out with us. Her mom didn't really play with her and her brother did his own thing. Son once just jumped on her, trying to wrestle. Ehmm no sweetheart. I don't think she likes that. Why? They walked after her like 3 little ducks. A friend of her said: Why are you always hanging out with these 3 little boys? She liked it. She could talk to me, we had adventures. She came over a lot. Now that they're older it's only boys though.
Load More Replies...Well boys are slower to delevoped intellectually speaking than girls. Boys tend to be more rambunctious and fight more than girls . This IS a nature sort of thing that can totally be exaggerated by the nuture. I guess I'm trying to say boys and girls are different. You can parent them the same and your children will be different. It's maybe just a trend but it seems harmless to me
Had no idea this was a thing. In the UK a few years back there was SMOG - smug mums of girls as opposed to SMOB - stressed mums of boys. I've got two boys and tbh I'm pretty stressed. As a girl with just a sister, and who went to an all girls' school, I have no idea what's going on.
I have a girl and a boy. When I was pregnant with my son everyone made such a huge deal about hoping it was a boy. I swore once we found out we wouldn't tell anyone. I had always hoped for one of each but for my husband and I we were just happy the baby was healthy. We would have been just as happy with another girl as we were with our son. We had decided on 2 kids no matter what we had and people couldn't understand why we wouldn't keep trying for a boy.
i am mom to a boy, now 42, and i also raised helped raise his son, now 20, after his mom passed away at three months. i can honestly say that while i never had a preference as to what i would have when i was pregnant i am glad i had a boy. i actually worried that i would have a girl because i was sooo not a girly girl. my mom used to tease me when i was pregnant that (and please don't take offense as it was her generation talking) that if i had a girl she would either end up a feminist or a lesbian. to which i would counter that either would be fine but a combo of both would be badass. but, for me, boys were easier since i was a tomboy then and now. what i will say made a difference was that as a single mom i feel i did give them both the ability to be strong men but also the ability to be comfortable with their emotions and not buy into what is now referred to toxic masculinity. seems the circle is turning again because he remarried a very strong beautiful woman and had another son
My mother did say to a friend of mine, ah wait till you have a boy. Inside my head I said well thanks mum, though I'm sure she loves and values me as much as my brother. My friend did tear her off a strip though
I think it has to do with girly moms having to adjust to rough-and-tumble boys. It's definitely an adjustment when you didn't grow up playing in dirt and wrestling and thinking bodily functions are funny. You learn to embrace it and throw in the distinction that there are no frills and tutus in the house. I have 3 daughters, so I could go with the distinction of #girlmom, but i wasn't a girly girl and neither are my daughters. Hell, they love to play in the dirt with toy tractors while wearing their princess dresses!
THIS. I wasn't a girly girl growing up either, but after having two boys, I realized "tomboy" is very different from *actual* boy. It was a definite adjustment, but one I couldn't be happier about. I LOVE being a mom to boys. The "overcompensating" comments from some people are way off the mark, and frankly, insulting. I don't feel "robbed" because I don't have a daughter ffs. And like you said, howdylee, if I did have girls, they'd probably be tomboys too!
Load More Replies...According to SJWs/4th wave feminists, being a boy mom is all about making sure he doesn't became an alt-right rapist/serial killer.
Try not to enforce gender stereotypes. I know girls who crash toy cars and boys who listen to My Little Pony and wear pink.
What about those that can't have children and people who constantly complain online about how hard it is to be a parent and how exhausting it is to get attention?
#boymom simply means you are the mom to only boys. #girlmom simply means you are the mom to only girls, though it seems to be used less often. There is a very real dynamic that takes place when you have only boys OR only girls vs both-and it is not dependent on way those children act. That's all it is. It is not about one gender being better than another, it's just a fun way to show that the dynamic in your household is influenced by the genetics that are represented and you are embracing it.
There are certainly differences in having a son or a daughter ... or both ... but I never felt "special" as a "boy mom" ... why should I ?! I have for example. 5 older brothers, because my mom always wanted a daughter. If her 3rd or 4th child had turned out to be a girl, I would have fewer brothers ... and certainly no younger siblings at all. I asked her about it, when I was pregnant! I have 2 sons myself and I was happy about that. The thought of having to deal with all the "girly stuff" ... like barbies, ruffles, pink glitter and above all the "girl drama", gave me a bit of anxiety back then. My attitude towards this has changed over the years ... which is probably also due to the girlfriends of my oldest son. Through these girls / young women, I got at least a tiny impression of what it could be like, to have a daughter ... and I like it more and more. But that's probably also due to the fact, that my son was almost always lucky, with the choice of his female partners.
My mom was actually different. She wanted a boy because she’s always been more of a tomboy. Well, she got me, and I’m sometimes girly but I’m really a tomboy through and through! Interestingly, my dad wanted a girl.
Within each gender as well as to each other. Be quicker to say PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT
Load More Replies...
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