When I hear the word ‘prankster’, my mind immediately thinks of The Mask and Bart Simpson. They might have hearts of gold, but they’re real jerks. However, it’s not just imaginary characters who like to make people’s lives difficult — there are plenty of jokester animals out there, too. Chief among them are birds. And they’re just waiting for the perfect moment to pounce and ruin your day. A pity they’re usually the only ones laughing at their horrible jokes.
If you ever thought that all birds are sweet, innocent, and fluffy, well, we can tell you that the only animals in the world like that are pandas. No, no, we’re not biased. Not one bit. You have to believe us. [Hides panda flag].
To show you the hidden dark side that dwells within the hearts of all birbs out there, Bored Panda presents to you this list, freshly forged in the halls of our Editorial Department. Upvote the jerkiest birds, let us know in the comments which ones you think are the worst offenders, and warn your friends that birds are not as cute as they seem! While you’re on a roll, have a look through Bored Panda’s other fun lists about cats being jerks, animals that don’t care about rules, and bosses acting like the biggest jerks on the planet.
Angry Cockatoo Tears Down Anti-Bird Spikes And Throws Them To The Ground
This Bird Waits For My Coworker To Show Up Every Morning. Then Spends The Day Looking At Itself In The Mirror And Shitting
You might be willing to give our flying feathered friends a pass, but there’s plenty of evidence to suggest that birds can be real cretins. Just like some people. Sometimes worse. From aggressive behavior to unquenchable greed, one look at these birds will have you thinking its an apt representation of what human society would look like after the Apocalypse. And if birds are distant descendants of dinosaurs, I’d rather not think of the dastardly pranks that a T-Rex and his pals would pull if they were ever cloned!
It’s not just us who think birds are idiots. Scientists are on our side. Taki’s Magazine writes about the very worst flying egomaniacs who don’t care about anyone but themselves. Take hummingbirds as an example. The males are so greedy, they claim bird feeders, and won’t let anyone else near them. Not even for a taste.
Now, are you ready for something spooky and chilling about crows? I warn you, you’ll never look at them the same again. Crows are, apparently, the living embodiments of gluttony. They eat everything. And I mean everything. From garbage to tiny, beautiful baby birbs. Crows have a special appetite for robins and bluebirds. I did warn you.
This Goose Is Fery Angry
Oh, and if you thought that the majestic bald eagles are exempt from criticism, think again. They’re such jerks that even other birds think they’re jerks. Bald eagles are so inept at hunting, they usually steal other birds’ prey or eat carrion, like vultures. Yuck.
Sometimes When Billy Is With His Friends He Can Be A Bit Mischievous
Not to mention some of the biggest meanies around — Canada geese and swans. Canada geese are legendary for their aggression and are known for how often they attack people. Though, according to USA Today, they only do so because people are expanding into their territory and getting too close to their eggs or newborn birbs. The same goes for swans: though they’re graceful and beautiful, they will stop at nothing to defend their kids if anyone gets near them.
If you ever see a hummingbird eyeing your ice-cream or a crow looking at you funny — drop everything and run. Hide. And lock the doors. Otherwise, you might be another victim of jerk birds.
The Australian Firehawks
Australian firehawks proactively spread wildfires. Observers report both solo and cooperative attempts, often successful, to spread wildfires intentionally via single-occasion or repeated transport of burning sticks in talons or beaks. After succesfully spreading the fire, the "firehawks" are able to pick out fleeing prey or mung on the charred remains of those critters who didn't make it out in time.