Bartender Shares How She Gained Weight And How This Radically Changed The Way Customers Treat Her
InterviewThe harsh truth is that the way that you look has a huge impact on your life: from how people treat you even to your financial situation at the end of the month. Especially for anyone working in the service industry as a tipped employee, for instance, a bartender. It’s called the halo effect and in a nutshell, it means that we tend to perceive attractive people as being better at everything and treat them better.
And that’s exactly the topic that Cassidy Lane, aka Body_positive_bartender, tackled in a viral TikTok video. She shared how radically people’s behavior with her changed at work when she started putting on weight during the pandemic after receiving help for her eating disorder. Cassidy said that her whole life changed. “People don’t even look you in the eye anymore,” she shared the heart-rending way others shifted their behavior.
Cassidy shared with Bored Panda that she didn’t expect her video to get as much attention as it did and she “filmed it on a whim” while having her morning coffee. “And then suddenly I checked my TickTock a few hours later and it was already at 500K. But the reason it went to viral I think, was because so many people related to it,” she said.
“There were so many people in the comments saying that the same thing happened to them and it was good to hear that they weren’t crazy and it was happening to other people. Which is a little sad. But shared experiences are such a strong form of connection that I can understand why it went viral. It did leave me feeling a little vulnerable that 6 million people have watched me cry on the Internet.”
Meanwhile, Bored Panda also had a chat about eating disorders with an expert in the field, Catherine Cook-Cottone, a Professor of Counseling at the University at Buffalo Graduate School of Education. Read on for both interviews.
Image credits: body_positive_bartender
I was interested to get Cassidy’s take on what needs to happen for people to stop judging others based solely on their looks. According to the bartender, it’s something that will probably never go away “because as humans that’s how we evolved to keep ourselves safe.” However, that doesn’t mean that we can treat people badly just because they find them unattractive or have no interest in them.
“Somehow we’ve built an entire society that caters to a small margin of bodies. Think about airplane seats. I think about clothing stores, a lot of them don’t even go past a large sometimes, but the average woman in America right now is about a 2X. A lot of people who have never been fat don’t realize when you go to the doctor as a fat person it doesn’t matter what is wrong with you they will usually ignore it and tell you to lose weight,” she told Bored Panda.
“I had been having stomach issues for about a year that were preventing me from going to school or work. By the time I finally found a doctor that would listen to me, and not just prescribe weight loss, they figured out I had a really serious stomach ulcer.”
You can watch Cassidy’s full candid and emotional TikTok video right here
@body_positive_bartender##stitch with @lizagnabathwater we can all pretend it’s not true, but we know it is. ##fatphobia ##bodypositivemoment ##bartendersecret ##serversoftiktok♬ Body (Remix) [feat. ArrDee, E1 (3×3), ZT (3×3), Bugzy Malone, Buni, Fivio Foreign & Darkoo] – Tion Wayne & Russ Millions
Cassidy was candid that as a video content creator she simply wants to be genuine and true to herself. ” I have found that being vulnerable on TikTok and showing my really low lows as well as my highs has apparently resonated with a lot of people. I think it just goes back to the power of shared experience. The ability to look at someone else and say, ‘Hey I do that too/I’ve been through that too.’ It’s a really powerful thing,” she noted that when we’re completely vulnerable and honest with others, that’s when real connections can be made.
“I mostly focused on body positive content in the beginning, but once I started getting help for my eating disorder I started sharing stories from that. Then I added on talking about my bipolar disorder. I’ve always been a really creative person so TikTok has been a really great outlet for me. I really appreciate that people get so much for my content, but I don’t think they realize how much I get from them as well. TikTok has almost become a video journal for me,” Cassidy said.
Having your life on display has its challenges, too, though, and it can sometimes seem overwhelming. However, Cassidy takes these challenges in stride and the feedback from her community keeps her passionate about continuing to make videos.
“Every single time I read a comment about how somebody ate today because of me, or loved themselves a little bit more, or wore their first bikini because one of my videos, it truly is the best feeling in the world. I wish I could respond to every single person that stops by and leaves a comment on my page. Because they’re so supportive and kind. Being a content creator is definitely not something I ever knew I needed in my life until I had it.”
The video creator pointed out that the shift in how customers treated her was very sudden and drastic
Image credits: body_positive_bartender
Image credits: body_positive_bartender
Image credits: body_positive_bartender
Cassidy’s candid and emotional video got more than 1.3 million likes on TikTok. She pointed out that it’s especially men that are now more dismissive of her while they’d be enthusiastic in speaking with her before. The body positivity advocate said that she feels “hopeless” and wondered whether there will ever come a time when she’ll be worth more than just her looks.
One of the most prevalent eating disorders is anorexia, also known as Anorexia nervosa. People with anorexia constantly monitor their weight, restrict their calories, avoid eating certain types of foods, and tend to view themselves as overweight even if they’re dangerously underweight.
According to Professor Cook-Cottone, there are three things that people suffering from anorexia need to focus on if they want to get the illness under control: medical, psychological, and nutritional care.
“Medical Care: a medical doctor who knows Anorexia nervosa and can make sure you are physically okay. Most doctors do not have specialized training, so be sure to find someone with training,” the professor told Bored Panda.
“Psychological Care: secure a competent mental health professional who has training in working with eating disorders. This person can help you work on goals for not only your physical wellbeing but your emotional and relational wellbeing,” she said.
“Find someone who knows about positive embodiment and getting back to being in and of your body in a positive way—this means finding healthy places to be in your body—like a body positive yoga study, hiking, and getting back to the full experience of your body.”
Cook-Cottone continued: “Make sure they ask you about your goals and dreams in life and help you think about building up the parts of you that are not aligned with the disorder.” According to the professor, the point of this is to shut down behaviors and thoughts linked to anorexia. “Recovery is about getting back to effectively living your life.”
Nutritional care is just as important as medical and psychological support. “Find a nutritionist that not only knows about working with eating disorders—they also know about intuitive eating and getting back to being with food in a nourishing and healthy way, as well as how to honor your body and what it needs, not only to survive, but to flourish.”
Here’s what some internet users said after they watched Cassidy’s video about how people treat you differently based on your looks
I'd just like to point out that you can be skinny and mousy/unattractive at the same time. But the effect of treating good looking people better really applies to all walks of life and all people. Even children in school get better grades when they are pretty.
I read a news article once that said good-looking female pedophiles get less time than their less conventionally-attractive peers.
Load More Replies...Looks will always fade, I'm afraid, but ir's not all negative. Embrace the freedom that not being noticed brings. Trust me, it's wonderful. You can dance to your own tune and be yourself. You will hopefully eventually get to a lovely position where you really don't give a stuff what anyone thinks.
Best part of turning 30 was being able to go to a bar without my husband there to act as a human shield. In my 20s I had men grab me, pick me up, kiss me, and all sorts of s**t. I wouldn't even go into the grocery store without my husband with me after this one dude followed me around the entire place. I went out with a female friend and not one person (other than the bar tender) said a word to us and it was amazing. IDK, having to call the cops a few times over men following me or assaulting me was traumatizing I could not be happier to be considered 'less' attractive. Pretty privilege isn't all that it is cracked up to be. Having male teachers make comments about my body wasn't worth them treating me like 'teacher's pet'.
Load More Replies...In my childhood I was bullied because I was too thin. In my youth I was desired because I was very slim. And today I am ignored because I am fatter. However, I prefer being ignored to what I had to go through in my childhood. I know from my youth that beautiful people have certain advantages. However, I also know about the many disadvantages that one has to deal with because of that. The loss of my attractiveness was a gain for me, because I could reflect on the things that are inside me. This process may be painful for many, but in the end, the realization that we are much more than an outer shell is a wonderful transformation.
That's awful, poor girl. I realized the other day that I was 'peak pretty at about 28 and 54kg'. I'm about 60kg and 42 now and although I still get looks, I'm gradually getting 'invisible', which makes me see just how a) looks oriented and b) male dominated the world is. And neither thing is good.
Yep I hit 45 and pretty much became invisible it's made life a little easier to be honest. I'll be 50 this year and I really don't care I'm not noticed after 40 years of being sexually harassed.
Load More Replies...First of all, she's not fat. Second of all, I used to be very thin and when I would go places like the hardware store, staff (and sometimes customers) would follow me around trying to help me. I would be sent drinks by strangers at bars and coffee houses (which I wouldn't accept). Men I didn't know would approach me and hit on me all the time. Then I became ill and ended up gaining a lot of weight. After that, I became invisible, literally. I stopped existing as far as men were concerned. I couldn't find anyone to help me in the hardware store. I couldn't get the bartender's attention to order my own drink, never mind being offered drinks by someone else. It made me realize how horrifically shallow so many men are and that I'm probably not missing much.
As a big guy in my 30s I can relate to the being invisible to others part. Has its benefits if you're an introvert tho.
Yes I'm happy they leave me alone and don't slime. Who wants that?
Load More Replies...I think that beauty is relative. How we perceive others beauty-wise is a personal preference. But one thing is to think "I don't like how this person looks", and another is to treat them differently for that, and even worse is to shame them because they don't fit my personal beauty standards. That is what needs to change. Everyone deserves respect, kindness and to be treated equally regardless of how they look. We should treat everyone as human and let people be with their own choices on their body. I dislike general public shaming of any type: of how people dress, use make up, look, whatever. The internet, including wegpages like this one, is full of that. Let's let people be with their choices of taste. We don't need to like or agree, but why shaming them?
The cruel fact is ugly people are wittier, funnier, and simply more interesting because of that. Be that skin problems, teeth, obesity, whatever. We need to compensate among other people, we need to be better elsewhere. I have been analysing and paying attention to that for quite some time and I know for a fact that the most interesting people I know lack the pretty privilege.
This is the truth. Weight is so often tied to good looks now a days that whenever I was lean everything to do with other people was just easier. Its sort of snowballs too. You are more attractive to people in general, they are nicer, this makes you more confident, which makes you more attractive to people. At least this was my experience.
But she's still a pretty girl...it's not like she got ugly all the sudden. That being said, people do treat you different based on your weight, but also on your typical looks, your teeth, your clothing, etc. some of us were never the "pretty girl" but we were thin, and now we're still not the pretty girl - but with extra weight.
I've said this on here before but I'm sick of people shitting on skinny women. I weigh under 100Ibs and that's because I have a plethora of serious health problems. I think I look disgusting, I hate it and I'm working really f*****g hard with a nutritionist to put weight on safely. Surely body positivity is for all body types? Why is it not ok to s**t on fat people but skinny people are fair game? It goes both ways. Shame on everyone who automatically dismisses people purely because they're thin.
Same. I dropped down to 92 lb because of health issues. I looked horrible. And I could not leave the house without people shaming me for being skinny. Soooo many people assumed that I felt like I was better them because I was skinny, when really I just wanted to be able to gain weight. Other people felt like it was perfectly okay to straight-up make FUN of me, calling me skeleton and concentration camp and all kinds of cruel things. I think it's totally unfair---no one should be shamed for their weight, be it under or over normal.
Load More Replies...Does she think all skinny women are pretty? And that we're all treated like princesses? Because I can assure her, neither is true. I've been skinny (or rather, NORMAL weight) all my life, but never had pretty privilege, because people look at your FACE, not just your body.
As a conventionally attractive white person who's been both thin and curvy, I'm fully aware of my privilege. But I can also tell you that when I had what this article purports to be the height of "privilege" (AKA being thin), that I was treated like absolute S**T, and mercilessly bullied, excluded, and CONSTANTLY snarked on by people who used the idea of "pretty privilege" to justify their awful behavior towards me. It got to the point with the nonstop unsolicited thinly veiled hostile commentary on my body that I'd rather be invisible than a target for others misguided jealousy any day. Now that I'm older I am more invisible, and it's a f*****g vacation compared to the treatment I received in my 20s
Aaaand this is where I shake my head - thinking of aaaaalll the pretty-folk who would basically tell me I was crazy/bitter/dishonest for pointing this out. The number of unqualified, inept 'pretty folk' that love to boast about how they're obviously just BETTER at everything and THAT's why they got the job/promotion...or that they're just better people, that's why they get better tips or the boss likes them more. I asked one person straight up: "Do you not think your looks had at least a LITTLE to do with how well you're doing?" Mr. 6-foot-3-chiseled-features'n'muscles says "No. Not in the least".
Okay so this is the same for getting older. There is a huge difference in how I am treated now in my 30s to how I was treated in my teens and 20s. However, as a person that absolutely hates talking to strangers or having men say anything about my appearance for any reason, I could not be happier. I was talking to my boss about how great it is to get older. I can go out to a bar and largely be ignored. The best thing about getting older is that people find me less attractive. I am finally in a place where I feel I can go out without my husband and not be harassed. I am still good looking in my opinion, but I am sure happy that not all men agree, and those men were the young guys drunkenly grabbing at me all the time. I was always "the attractive" one growing up and I hated it. Been sexually assaulted over that s**t and I am more than happy those days are over.
If the woman in the video had asked if anyone wanted to go their whole lives looking like her, there would be a forest of arms in the air. People who, like me, really *are* fat will be either laughing or raging at this.
Erm, if the bartender asks me "How's it going?" I'd be almost always "Fine, thanks, may I have two beers". I'm going out to meet with people, not to flirt with somebody who is working there. I used to work as a server, and if somebody would go "honey, sunshine, cutie" I was always creeped out
About 15 years ago I gained about 35 kg in 6 months, without any change in life style. No doctor could ever tell me what happened. It did not impact my carrier as much, but I realised the difference nevertheless. Plus I needed a whole new circle of friends, because everybody I knew from before assumed that I had gained weight by "letting myself go" and confronted me with hurtful comments such as "girl, eat less, you're so fat!", not knowing that I was sometimes almost faiting because of going several days without eating a bite. Not that I was dieting (which was pointless), but because the emotional stress didn't let me eat.
I was pretty slim, UK 10/12, US 6/8 I think. I got ill, an oesophogus problem that made swallowing a nightmare. I lost a lot of weight, UK 4/6, US 0/2. Oh the compliments, the "How did you lose so much weight?! Tell me your secret!" Men fawning over me. The sickest thing? When I explained why I'd lost weight some women said they were jealous, wished that they'd get something like that wrong with them! I still have the oesophogus problem but I can mostly control it although it still sucks. I'm back to normal, a bit heavier even. I've always had issues with my body - like the majority of women I know. I'd probably have been as ignorant as the women who wanted my illness too, but losing about thirty pounds through illness, being seriously underweight because I couldn't eat, taught me a lot.
Welcome to the world honey! Get an education and stop posting your personal s**t on TikTok or other garbage sites... Bet you never complained getting more attention when you were fitter that the fat ones.
What people don't realize it's not just the worse-looking bartender, or receiver of this treatment in general, who sees the change in your behaviour. I recenlly dined with a friend and his wife, I liked and respected them both... and he was almost-too-friendly with the barely-20yo waitress at one point, and almost-rude with the other, more plain looking and not-as-young waitress a moment later. The change as he looked up and saw it was someone else the second time around was absolute night and day. And I suddenly respect him A LOT less. I didn't say anything, but he somehow changed into "ugh, another sleazbag" in my eyes. And once that happens... the friendship will never be the same. :(
The best thing about loosing pretty privilage is gaining back anynomity from creepy men
And she's beautiful. Imagine adding being ugly to that. Let me tell you, they get downright mean and abusive. Men who base the way they treat you (and it's most men) on how you look are men who would gladly eradicate all "ugly" women from the face of the Earth. They don't want them to exist.
A few of these mention the pandemic, which let's face it has made everyone grumpy so...
That isn't a fat woman from what I can see. It's just a normal woman, and people should just let her live her life!
I've been borderline eating disorder my whole life b/c of this sort of thinking: "Thin is prettier, thin means you have self-control, thin is..." but when I was "thin" by those standards? I was clinically (medically) *underweight*. Healthy weight? People were less friendly. And I've never been *over* weight, so.... Yeah, we have to do better so the future generations aren't stuck feeling like crap over something that we sometimes truly can't control (medically speaking, yes, that happens)....
The fact that she's getting help for an eating disorder is telling. Zeroing in on negative interactions is really easy to do when you're getting used to having a normal sized body, it's a real battle she's going through. EDs are about control, and I wonder if she feels like if she can control her weight she can control how people treat her. Beauty bias is real, but I just don't think that's what's happening here.
so instead of being overly nice, because they want to get with you, they just respectfully treat you like a human and the bartender that you are. You have simply explained observable reality. We all know this. Its the way the world is. Nobody was mean to you, they just wanted their drinks and nothing else from you. That's ok. That's your job and your purpose for being there. Lose the weight if it bothers you to be like all the other normal people in the world. But simply describing the world the way we can all clearly see our selves does not win you any sympathy.
I always wonder if this phenomenon is as bad in other cultures as it is in American society. We can be so shallow sometimes.
Some girls got fat on purpose, so creeps would leave em alone.
Load More Replies...Iiiin the blue corner - all of scientific and socioloogic research proving that fatphobia, reduction in lifetime wages for overweight people in tipped *or* untipped jobs, and discrimination are very real and harmful. Iiiiiin the red corner - some judgemental Kunz. If you're comfortable being who you are, then why are you so vile to other people?
Load More Replies...I'd just like to point out that you can be skinny and mousy/unattractive at the same time. But the effect of treating good looking people better really applies to all walks of life and all people. Even children in school get better grades when they are pretty.
I read a news article once that said good-looking female pedophiles get less time than their less conventionally-attractive peers.
Load More Replies...Looks will always fade, I'm afraid, but ir's not all negative. Embrace the freedom that not being noticed brings. Trust me, it's wonderful. You can dance to your own tune and be yourself. You will hopefully eventually get to a lovely position where you really don't give a stuff what anyone thinks.
Best part of turning 30 was being able to go to a bar without my husband there to act as a human shield. In my 20s I had men grab me, pick me up, kiss me, and all sorts of s**t. I wouldn't even go into the grocery store without my husband with me after this one dude followed me around the entire place. I went out with a female friend and not one person (other than the bar tender) said a word to us and it was amazing. IDK, having to call the cops a few times over men following me or assaulting me was traumatizing I could not be happier to be considered 'less' attractive. Pretty privilege isn't all that it is cracked up to be. Having male teachers make comments about my body wasn't worth them treating me like 'teacher's pet'.
Load More Replies...In my childhood I was bullied because I was too thin. In my youth I was desired because I was very slim. And today I am ignored because I am fatter. However, I prefer being ignored to what I had to go through in my childhood. I know from my youth that beautiful people have certain advantages. However, I also know about the many disadvantages that one has to deal with because of that. The loss of my attractiveness was a gain for me, because I could reflect on the things that are inside me. This process may be painful for many, but in the end, the realization that we are much more than an outer shell is a wonderful transformation.
That's awful, poor girl. I realized the other day that I was 'peak pretty at about 28 and 54kg'. I'm about 60kg and 42 now and although I still get looks, I'm gradually getting 'invisible', which makes me see just how a) looks oriented and b) male dominated the world is. And neither thing is good.
Yep I hit 45 and pretty much became invisible it's made life a little easier to be honest. I'll be 50 this year and I really don't care I'm not noticed after 40 years of being sexually harassed.
Load More Replies...First of all, she's not fat. Second of all, I used to be very thin and when I would go places like the hardware store, staff (and sometimes customers) would follow me around trying to help me. I would be sent drinks by strangers at bars and coffee houses (which I wouldn't accept). Men I didn't know would approach me and hit on me all the time. Then I became ill and ended up gaining a lot of weight. After that, I became invisible, literally. I stopped existing as far as men were concerned. I couldn't find anyone to help me in the hardware store. I couldn't get the bartender's attention to order my own drink, never mind being offered drinks by someone else. It made me realize how horrifically shallow so many men are and that I'm probably not missing much.
As a big guy in my 30s I can relate to the being invisible to others part. Has its benefits if you're an introvert tho.
Yes I'm happy they leave me alone and don't slime. Who wants that?
Load More Replies...I think that beauty is relative. How we perceive others beauty-wise is a personal preference. But one thing is to think "I don't like how this person looks", and another is to treat them differently for that, and even worse is to shame them because they don't fit my personal beauty standards. That is what needs to change. Everyone deserves respect, kindness and to be treated equally regardless of how they look. We should treat everyone as human and let people be with their own choices on their body. I dislike general public shaming of any type: of how people dress, use make up, look, whatever. The internet, including wegpages like this one, is full of that. Let's let people be with their choices of taste. We don't need to like or agree, but why shaming them?
The cruel fact is ugly people are wittier, funnier, and simply more interesting because of that. Be that skin problems, teeth, obesity, whatever. We need to compensate among other people, we need to be better elsewhere. I have been analysing and paying attention to that for quite some time and I know for a fact that the most interesting people I know lack the pretty privilege.
This is the truth. Weight is so often tied to good looks now a days that whenever I was lean everything to do with other people was just easier. Its sort of snowballs too. You are more attractive to people in general, they are nicer, this makes you more confident, which makes you more attractive to people. At least this was my experience.
But she's still a pretty girl...it's not like she got ugly all the sudden. That being said, people do treat you different based on your weight, but also on your typical looks, your teeth, your clothing, etc. some of us were never the "pretty girl" but we were thin, and now we're still not the pretty girl - but with extra weight.
I've said this on here before but I'm sick of people shitting on skinny women. I weigh under 100Ibs and that's because I have a plethora of serious health problems. I think I look disgusting, I hate it and I'm working really f*****g hard with a nutritionist to put weight on safely. Surely body positivity is for all body types? Why is it not ok to s**t on fat people but skinny people are fair game? It goes both ways. Shame on everyone who automatically dismisses people purely because they're thin.
Same. I dropped down to 92 lb because of health issues. I looked horrible. And I could not leave the house without people shaming me for being skinny. Soooo many people assumed that I felt like I was better them because I was skinny, when really I just wanted to be able to gain weight. Other people felt like it was perfectly okay to straight-up make FUN of me, calling me skeleton and concentration camp and all kinds of cruel things. I think it's totally unfair---no one should be shamed for their weight, be it under or over normal.
Load More Replies...Does she think all skinny women are pretty? And that we're all treated like princesses? Because I can assure her, neither is true. I've been skinny (or rather, NORMAL weight) all my life, but never had pretty privilege, because people look at your FACE, not just your body.
As a conventionally attractive white person who's been both thin and curvy, I'm fully aware of my privilege. But I can also tell you that when I had what this article purports to be the height of "privilege" (AKA being thin), that I was treated like absolute S**T, and mercilessly bullied, excluded, and CONSTANTLY snarked on by people who used the idea of "pretty privilege" to justify their awful behavior towards me. It got to the point with the nonstop unsolicited thinly veiled hostile commentary on my body that I'd rather be invisible than a target for others misguided jealousy any day. Now that I'm older I am more invisible, and it's a f*****g vacation compared to the treatment I received in my 20s
Aaaand this is where I shake my head - thinking of aaaaalll the pretty-folk who would basically tell me I was crazy/bitter/dishonest for pointing this out. The number of unqualified, inept 'pretty folk' that love to boast about how they're obviously just BETTER at everything and THAT's why they got the job/promotion...or that they're just better people, that's why they get better tips or the boss likes them more. I asked one person straight up: "Do you not think your looks had at least a LITTLE to do with how well you're doing?" Mr. 6-foot-3-chiseled-features'n'muscles says "No. Not in the least".
Okay so this is the same for getting older. There is a huge difference in how I am treated now in my 30s to how I was treated in my teens and 20s. However, as a person that absolutely hates talking to strangers or having men say anything about my appearance for any reason, I could not be happier. I was talking to my boss about how great it is to get older. I can go out to a bar and largely be ignored. The best thing about getting older is that people find me less attractive. I am finally in a place where I feel I can go out without my husband and not be harassed. I am still good looking in my opinion, but I am sure happy that not all men agree, and those men were the young guys drunkenly grabbing at me all the time. I was always "the attractive" one growing up and I hated it. Been sexually assaulted over that s**t and I am more than happy those days are over.
If the woman in the video had asked if anyone wanted to go their whole lives looking like her, there would be a forest of arms in the air. People who, like me, really *are* fat will be either laughing or raging at this.
Erm, if the bartender asks me "How's it going?" I'd be almost always "Fine, thanks, may I have two beers". I'm going out to meet with people, not to flirt with somebody who is working there. I used to work as a server, and if somebody would go "honey, sunshine, cutie" I was always creeped out
About 15 years ago I gained about 35 kg in 6 months, without any change in life style. No doctor could ever tell me what happened. It did not impact my carrier as much, but I realised the difference nevertheless. Plus I needed a whole new circle of friends, because everybody I knew from before assumed that I had gained weight by "letting myself go" and confronted me with hurtful comments such as "girl, eat less, you're so fat!", not knowing that I was sometimes almost faiting because of going several days without eating a bite. Not that I was dieting (which was pointless), but because the emotional stress didn't let me eat.
I was pretty slim, UK 10/12, US 6/8 I think. I got ill, an oesophogus problem that made swallowing a nightmare. I lost a lot of weight, UK 4/6, US 0/2. Oh the compliments, the "How did you lose so much weight?! Tell me your secret!" Men fawning over me. The sickest thing? When I explained why I'd lost weight some women said they were jealous, wished that they'd get something like that wrong with them! I still have the oesophogus problem but I can mostly control it although it still sucks. I'm back to normal, a bit heavier even. I've always had issues with my body - like the majority of women I know. I'd probably have been as ignorant as the women who wanted my illness too, but losing about thirty pounds through illness, being seriously underweight because I couldn't eat, taught me a lot.
Welcome to the world honey! Get an education and stop posting your personal s**t on TikTok or other garbage sites... Bet you never complained getting more attention when you were fitter that the fat ones.
What people don't realize it's not just the worse-looking bartender, or receiver of this treatment in general, who sees the change in your behaviour. I recenlly dined with a friend and his wife, I liked and respected them both... and he was almost-too-friendly with the barely-20yo waitress at one point, and almost-rude with the other, more plain looking and not-as-young waitress a moment later. The change as he looked up and saw it was someone else the second time around was absolute night and day. And I suddenly respect him A LOT less. I didn't say anything, but he somehow changed into "ugh, another sleazbag" in my eyes. And once that happens... the friendship will never be the same. :(
The best thing about loosing pretty privilage is gaining back anynomity from creepy men
And she's beautiful. Imagine adding being ugly to that. Let me tell you, they get downright mean and abusive. Men who base the way they treat you (and it's most men) on how you look are men who would gladly eradicate all "ugly" women from the face of the Earth. They don't want them to exist.
A few of these mention the pandemic, which let's face it has made everyone grumpy so...
That isn't a fat woman from what I can see. It's just a normal woman, and people should just let her live her life!
I've been borderline eating disorder my whole life b/c of this sort of thinking: "Thin is prettier, thin means you have self-control, thin is..." but when I was "thin" by those standards? I was clinically (medically) *underweight*. Healthy weight? People were less friendly. And I've never been *over* weight, so.... Yeah, we have to do better so the future generations aren't stuck feeling like crap over something that we sometimes truly can't control (medically speaking, yes, that happens)....
The fact that she's getting help for an eating disorder is telling. Zeroing in on negative interactions is really easy to do when you're getting used to having a normal sized body, it's a real battle she's going through. EDs are about control, and I wonder if she feels like if she can control her weight she can control how people treat her. Beauty bias is real, but I just don't think that's what's happening here.
so instead of being overly nice, because they want to get with you, they just respectfully treat you like a human and the bartender that you are. You have simply explained observable reality. We all know this. Its the way the world is. Nobody was mean to you, they just wanted their drinks and nothing else from you. That's ok. That's your job and your purpose for being there. Lose the weight if it bothers you to be like all the other normal people in the world. But simply describing the world the way we can all clearly see our selves does not win you any sympathy.
I always wonder if this phenomenon is as bad in other cultures as it is in American society. We can be so shallow sometimes.
Some girls got fat on purpose, so creeps would leave em alone.
Load More Replies...Iiiin the blue corner - all of scientific and socioloogic research proving that fatphobia, reduction in lifetime wages for overweight people in tipped *or* untipped jobs, and discrimination are very real and harmful. Iiiiiin the red corner - some judgemental Kunz. If you're comfortable being who you are, then why are you so vile to other people?
Load More Replies...
99
85