“I Took Her Key”: Mom Gets Banned From Her 24 Y.O. Daughter’s House For Purposefully “Sabotaging Her Kosher Kitchen”
Despite people having the right to practice whatever religion they feel is closest to their heart or no religion at all, it comes as no surprise that some experience bullying and criticism towards their religious beliefs. While some might say that they don’t care what other people think about their choices in various aspects of their life, what if the person that oppressed you for this is your family member? This is what happened to 24-year-old Reddit user @u/roryflameblade who decided to share her story with others in hopes of finding out if she was right to ban her mom from visiting her house anymore after she messed up her kitchen, knowing that her daughter is Jewish and takes food preparation as a serious matter that should follow certain Jewish laws. The post that received more than 13k upvotes encouraged others online to share their opinions and even words of advice.
More Info: Reddit
Everyone should have the right to choose what to believe in and what kind of faith to follow
Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual image)
The Reddit user revealed that she was forced to take the key from her house back from her mom after finding out that she was coming to her daughter’s home and using her kitchen. While that might not sound like a bad thing, the pretense for this was to prove to her daughter that her choice of religion wasn’t favored by her mother. The author of the story shared that if not for her mom’s friend, she probably wouldn’t know what she was doing in her kitchen while OP was gone.
This Reddit user decided to share how her mom lied about being okay with her becoming a Jew
Image credits: u/roryflameyblade
The woman found out about this after her mom messed up with her kosher-based kitchen
Image credits: u/roryflameyblade
The author of the post shared that she is Jewish while her parents are atheists. At first, her mom was okay with her daughter converting to Judaism, but after a while, her true feelings surfaced. When she was confronted by her daughter for ruining the “kosher status of the kitchen,” the woman revealed that her daughter’s conversion insulted her and that the only reason she supported her decision was to show her that her decision to follow this religion was stupid.
The mother thought that her actions would show her daughter that her devotion to Judaism was ridiculous
Image credits: Kim Siever (not the actual image)
When the situation didn’t go as planned, the woman then decided to mess with her daughter’s kitchen to prove that even after using it and cleaning it as per usual, without following serious Jewish laws, it would all be fine. For those who might not be familiar with these laws and don’t know much about the religion and its certain do’s and don’ts, this might not look like a big deal. However, for those who follow Judaism, one of the most important things is to keep one’s attention on what they eat and how this food is prepared. Jews are known to follow “kosher” dietary restrictions. Some of you might have already heard about Jews not eating pork, but it’s not only that.
The author of the post revealed that she took her house key from her mom and banned her from coming again
Image credits: u/roryflameyblade
According to Medical News Today, the Jewish laws put food into 3 categories: meat, dairy, and pareve (or food that doesn’t belong to one of these categories such as eggs and fish). One of the crucial rules when following such a diet is to separate meat from dairy products. The separation goes as far as having different kitchen utensils to prepare meat and dairy separately. It’s also important to remember that you can’t wash these utensils together. It’s also noted that if a person already ate a dish that contains meat, they have to wait until at least the next meal to be able to eat something made from dairy.
What foods should be avoided by people who practice Judaism and follow a kosher diet? These include meats that are not from ruminant animals such as pigs, shellfish (lobsters, crabs, oysters, etc.), and birds that are scavengers or considered predatory.
This situation started a heated argument between the Reddit user and her family
Image credits: u/roryflameyblade
While these rules might seem hard to follow, the author of the post shared that she’s been keeping her kitchen “kosher”, and her mom coming in and ruining this arrangement made her mad, so she decided to take the key to her house from her and ban her from coming in. The woman then shared that a big family drama ensued and her parents began bombarding her with calls and texts. After OP’s aunt got involved and told her that her relationship with her parents is much more important than the religion she follows, the 24-year-old decided to ask others online if she really was in the wrong here.
Despite knowing that her mom was wrong for messing with her personal space, the woman started doubting herself
Image credits: Karl Baron (not the actual image)
This story started a discussion online where people were telling OP that she was in the right and that despite her mom being unhappy with her daughter’s decision to become a Jew, she had no right to do this to her. Some found this behavior disturbing as the woman had so much hatred towards a certain faith that she went this far to ruin her daughter’s belongings, as the woman later provided users with an update that some of her religious objects were missing from the house.
What is your take on this situation? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
Other users online were quick to assure the 24-year-old that she was right to stick to her grounds and punish her mom by taking away the key
Image credits: u/roryflameyblade
Definitely NTA! I'm an atheist myself and honestly dislike most religions. However as long as I don't have to hear about it from others I don't care what they believe. OP's mother is just cruel and nasty! If her mom didn't like religion that's fine, but that's all it should be. Sabotaging OP's kitchen just because she don't agree with her beliefs is just horrible!
Religion aside, at its core this is about lack of consent and violation of boundaries. Sabotaging anyone's personal belongings, regardless of reason, should be illegal.
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Is it possible that this would be considered a hate crime? Could she press charges if she wanted? Trespassing, theft, defacing (?) of property, etc, on top of it being religion based harassment.
This. A hate crime is an addendum charge in my jurisdiction. Here the break and entering which is what entering a home without specific permission to do a thing you haven't been asked to do would be considered here, would be th3 base charge with a hate crime enhancement. Here it absolutely could be
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I worked for and lived with a Jewish family for a short while. I could not give two shakes about their religion, but I still understood that I was in their home. So I told them that my knowledge about it is very limited and pls tell me anything that is a no no (like they had two fridges and certain things could only go into one or the other) so I wouldn't cause any upset. I also expected them to respect my beliefs and traditions because at that point it was my home as well. At Easter we had a conversation about the fact that I always have cooked ham for that occasion. They did not like it but understood. Told me where I can keep it frozen and how to package it, then bought a pan just for me that I could use to cook it (or any other non Kosher stuff I wanted). We were not related and still could live together without trampling on each others trust.
It just takes people willing to respect each other and work out potential problems.
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I am intensively anti-religion, I think this world would be better off with no gods in, and I am actually working towards giving people better alternatives. And even I wouldn't DREAM of doing something as evil as this mother did to her own child! This is abuse, it is violation, this is destruction of trust and really bad motherhood! I will stand with my Jewish, Muslim and Christian friends, and with people of all other faiths and defend their right to live however they choose! I would not trick dairy in the food of a vegan, etc I know many people dislike my choices and I really wouldn't want them preaching to me any more than me preaching to them. I am pro-happiness for absolutely everybody
Atheist here who is not fond of religion and I'm just as disgusted as everyone else. If I found out my own mother was sneaking into my place when I'm out and screwing around with my stuff (and not just something harmless like she needed to borrow some milk), I'd be furious and would change the locks too if she didn't take the hint and never do it again.
That's cruel, childish, and shows a complete lack of respect or empathy. Actually, I think it's sick.
I don't know if it's that specific, it seems like the mother hates all religion and would hate whichever one her daughter chose.
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If my daughter decided to change religions, NGL I'd be upset. But I'd still respect her and her right to choose. This woman is unhinged and needs someone to have a reality talk with her - preferably a cop. Sheesh.
Total lack of respect, also rude beyond belief. I'd be mad at my mom and I'm not even religious.
It's called spiritual abuse. The religion is clearly not trying to keep her away from her family. But her mother is actively undermining her beliefs
This is more than spiritual abuse. That's being nice because it's a "family" thing. If they were unrelated it would be stalking, B&E and a hate crime.
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This is not about religion, it's about trust. Do feel free to remind whoever said that "honour your father and mother" thing to you, even though it is a commandment, it was stolen from the Jews to begin with. ;)
I'm not kosher but keep a *kosher adjacent* kitchen. Don't mix meat and dairy, no pork, shellfish or other forbidden foods have ever come through my door. I'm also very wary about eating out because many restaurants use lard etc. I'm sorry to say your mom and extended family are boundary stompers, cruel, disrespectful and mean spirited. I've worked in many kosher kitchens and one has to be very diligent not to mess things up. Glad you took away her keys and don't allow her in unless you're there.
If you would like to eat out, maybe you could try a vegetarian or vegan restaurant. I have noticed Kashrut laws deal mainly with animal products, you won't get any at these places.
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That's right up there with knowingly putting animal products in "vegan" food. Complete disrespect. I may not agree with my sister's food/lifestyle choice, but I would never undermine her beliefs in such a way. Your mother has some serious issues and I don't think they're all religion based. (Did you convert for your husband? If so - you basically chose him over your parents, in their minds).
Another atheist here and this woman would never darken my doorstep again. I might not be fully on board with religious conversions/choices but I would totally respect them and be interested in the cultural differences. I was brought up Catholic and find religious adherences interesting. I got to take part in a Rosh Hashana meal with hebrew words spoken over the honey and apples and it was moving. When people aren't trying to convert you and are kind and decent you respect them and their choices unless you are a bonafide a-hole.
NTA. I'm an atheist and I'm not fond of religions. I do not understand a lot of the beliefs or actions of religions. But, I would never try to force my views onto another person. Looking at this from a completely non-religious perspective this behavior is dangerous. It reminds me of what my mother used to do to me. My mom is an alcoholic and a narcissist. Some nights growing up I would need to run away from home for my own physical and mental safety. I would come back and going through my room would see that she moved things. She would move them, but never hurt them. She did it to remind me that I can't escape her and that I was beholden to her. By far this was not the worst of what I experienced growing up, but there is something inherently disturbing about it. She purposely went into a space that was supposed to be safe, violated your trust, to enforce her control. Distance yourself for your own mental health.
You should honor her, but she doesn't respect you. What a monstrous thing to do. Do you think she hasn't told the rest of the family the whole truth of this abomination?
My daughter is an atheist and when she told me this the only thing, I said was I will respect your beliefs as long as you respect mine. We have agreed to disagree, and we have had no problems ever since. Just like my son and I agree never to discuss politics. It works better this way. This woman's mom was so wrong that there really is no coming back from it. She would never be allowed in my home and life again. She and you father and Aunt cannot be trusted. Never share a meal with them either.
honoring your parents is only one half of the equation, the other half is that parents should not provoke their children to wrath. This is a new testament reference the mother is probably making (poorly), but the principle stands. If you're demanding respect, you have to be willing to give it in return. Also, even if you take religion out of the equation, what the mother is doing is creepy, weird, and disrespectful.
Jew here. OP is Jewish so she wouldn't follow anything from the New Testament. And honoring your parents is one of the Ten Commandments. BUT there are circumstances in which people would not be required to honor their parents, such as if they are abusive. Also, you're supposed to do what your parents tell you to do, but *not* if they tell you to violate any Jewish laws. I'm not a rabbi, but imo OP would not be obligated to honor her mother. And I definitely agree with you about the creepy, weird, and disrespectful!
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This is so sad and disturbing on many levels. It seems like the mother is upset about not being an object of worship? Does that sound too extreme? I don't know. But whenever a parent or friend gets so angry about someone's religion, it seems to me that they are jealous of God. And that always strikes me as somewhat immature.
My atheist mother hates my guts for not being an atheist. It's a control thing in her case. Her perspective seems to be that even as a middle-aged adult, I'm out of line for holding beliefs she disagrees with.
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i'm nowhere near being religious or something, but thats my decision. So is hers. Totally NTA. All that "you got to honor your parents" BS is so 1950s and totally not true. This really pisses me off, why in the goddamm world should you honor someone that is messing with your personal choices/ideals and your way of life? f**k them, get new locks and a security cam. report the relatives for harrasment, keep the phone records and messages for proof.
The problem here is not that her mothers is an atheist, the problem is that her mother is a bloody fool.
Not the AH! Change the locks and put in camera monitors (I'm not an expert on that). I can hardly believe such disrespect from your family. I have Orthodox Jewish friends and have been honored to be invited to their homes. They even have two refrigerators and different sets of dishes. I don't touch anything unless they ask me for help in preparing food.
Very sad that her mother and the rest of the family are anti-semites. I hope she goes no contact until she gets a complete and grovelling apology for what she has done, and as long as the rest of the family supported her, they'd be in the same boat.
Her mother is behaving dreadfully. While I personally think all religion is gobbledegook, she should respect her daughter’s decision and not try to actively undermine it. As a side note, any religious commandment that demands you treat non-believers as “the other” or “lesser” is a little suspect to me. It only takes you to replace (insert term for non-believer of religion of your choosing here) with a race or skin colour and it’s not a very good look at all.
1. Majority of Atheists are good people who would not even think of going down this hole. 2. Not this lady here, but there are Jews who are Atheists themselves (Judaism is seen as more of a culture and a way of life - look up Reconstructionism) 3. Many religions dietary laws actually are good for health. 4. That was a real low, messing with the Mezzuzahs as well.
I'm not a religious person by any means but this is messed up dude! I'm an atheist and I would NEVER disrespect someone's religion. Even if I think their religion doesn't make sense or something.. say they worshipped hot dogs or something.. I'd literally respect their wishes and beliefs and never do anything that would hurt them or their practices. I wish we knew if the parents are religious. Something tells me that they're Christian or catholic. Maybe I'm just projecting because this is similar to the s**t I dealt with when I told some of my family that I don't believe in god.. (they'd hang crosses in my house when I'd have family over for holidays. Try to trick me into going to mass on holidays. They'd get me gifts that were religious relics. Not exactly the same thing. But still... respectful. Not as disrespectful as her parents though) but yeah.. this is gross as F UCK dude. Disown the family & move on with your lofe
She stated clearly her parents are both atheists, and that she was raised as an atheist, herself.
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A Kosher kitchen? I know of kosher meals, But how exactly do you make a whole kitchen kosher?
Utensils, pots and pans, etc. I will let the Jewish readers correct or add more info.
Load More Replies... Ask her if she minds you using her toothbrush. You rinse it out afterwords so it should be fine, right? Let strangers sleep in her bed as long as they make the bed after and its fine, right?
Atheist here: And while I think all of that is a bunch of magical fuss, the mother is still the a*****e from my point of view!
Definitely NTA! I'm an atheist myself and honestly dislike most religions. However as long as I don't have to hear about it from others I don't care what they believe. OP's mother is just cruel and nasty! If her mom didn't like religion that's fine, but that's all it should be. Sabotaging OP's kitchen just because she don't agree with her beliefs is just horrible!
Religion aside, at its core this is about lack of consent and violation of boundaries. Sabotaging anyone's personal belongings, regardless of reason, should be illegal.
Load More Replies... Is it possible that this would be considered a hate crime? Could she press charges if she wanted? Trespassing, theft, defacing (?) of property, etc, on top of it being religion based harassment.
This. A hate crime is an addendum charge in my jurisdiction. Here the break and entering which is what entering a home without specific permission to do a thing you haven't been asked to do would be considered here, would be th3 base charge with a hate crime enhancement. Here it absolutely could be
Load More Replies... I worked for and lived with a Jewish family for a short while. I could not give two shakes about their religion, but I still understood that I was in their home. So I told them that my knowledge about it is very limited and pls tell me anything that is a no no (like they had two fridges and certain things could only go into one or the other) so I wouldn't cause any upset. I also expected them to respect my beliefs and traditions because at that point it was my home as well. At Easter we had a conversation about the fact that I always have cooked ham for that occasion. They did not like it but understood. Told me where I can keep it frozen and how to package it, then bought a pan just for me that I could use to cook it (or any other non Kosher stuff I wanted). We were not related and still could live together without trampling on each others trust.
It just takes people willing to respect each other and work out potential problems.
Load More Replies... I am intensively anti-religion, I think this world would be better off with no gods in, and I am actually working towards giving people better alternatives. And even I wouldn't DREAM of doing something as evil as this mother did to her own child! This is abuse, it is violation, this is destruction of trust and really bad motherhood! I will stand with my Jewish, Muslim and Christian friends, and with people of all other faiths and defend their right to live however they choose! I would not trick dairy in the food of a vegan, etc I know many people dislike my choices and I really wouldn't want them preaching to me any more than me preaching to them. I am pro-happiness for absolutely everybody
Atheist here who is not fond of religion and I'm just as disgusted as everyone else. If I found out my own mother was sneaking into my place when I'm out and screwing around with my stuff (and not just something harmless like she needed to borrow some milk), I'd be furious and would change the locks too if she didn't take the hint and never do it again.
That's cruel, childish, and shows a complete lack of respect or empathy. Actually, I think it's sick.
I don't know if it's that specific, it seems like the mother hates all religion and would hate whichever one her daughter chose.
Load More Replies... If my daughter decided to change religions, NGL I'd be upset. But I'd still respect her and her right to choose. This woman is unhinged and needs someone to have a reality talk with her - preferably a cop. Sheesh.
Total lack of respect, also rude beyond belief. I'd be mad at my mom and I'm not even religious.
It's called spiritual abuse. The religion is clearly not trying to keep her away from her family. But her mother is actively undermining her beliefs
This is more than spiritual abuse. That's being nice because it's a "family" thing. If they were unrelated it would be stalking, B&E and a hate crime.
Load More Replies... This is not about religion, it's about trust. Do feel free to remind whoever said that "honour your father and mother" thing to you, even though it is a commandment, it was stolen from the Jews to begin with. ;)
I'm not kosher but keep a *kosher adjacent* kitchen. Don't mix meat and dairy, no pork, shellfish or other forbidden foods have ever come through my door. I'm also very wary about eating out because many restaurants use lard etc. I'm sorry to say your mom and extended family are boundary stompers, cruel, disrespectful and mean spirited. I've worked in many kosher kitchens and one has to be very diligent not to mess things up. Glad you took away her keys and don't allow her in unless you're there.
If you would like to eat out, maybe you could try a vegetarian or vegan restaurant. I have noticed Kashrut laws deal mainly with animal products, you won't get any at these places.
Load More Replies... That's right up there with knowingly putting animal products in "vegan" food. Complete disrespect. I may not agree with my sister's food/lifestyle choice, but I would never undermine her beliefs in such a way. Your mother has some serious issues and I don't think they're all religion based. (Did you convert for your husband? If so - you basically chose him over your parents, in their minds).
Another atheist here and this woman would never darken my doorstep again. I might not be fully on board with religious conversions/choices but I would totally respect them and be interested in the cultural differences. I was brought up Catholic and find religious adherences interesting. I got to take part in a Rosh Hashana meal with hebrew words spoken over the honey and apples and it was moving. When people aren't trying to convert you and are kind and decent you respect them and their choices unless you are a bonafide a-hole.
NTA. I'm an atheist and I'm not fond of religions. I do not understand a lot of the beliefs or actions of religions. But, I would never try to force my views onto another person. Looking at this from a completely non-religious perspective this behavior is dangerous. It reminds me of what my mother used to do to me. My mom is an alcoholic and a narcissist. Some nights growing up I would need to run away from home for my own physical and mental safety. I would come back and going through my room would see that she moved things. She would move them, but never hurt them. She did it to remind me that I can't escape her and that I was beholden to her. By far this was not the worst of what I experienced growing up, but there is something inherently disturbing about it. She purposely went into a space that was supposed to be safe, violated your trust, to enforce her control. Distance yourself for your own mental health.
You should honor her, but she doesn't respect you. What a monstrous thing to do. Do you think she hasn't told the rest of the family the whole truth of this abomination?
My daughter is an atheist and when she told me this the only thing, I said was I will respect your beliefs as long as you respect mine. We have agreed to disagree, and we have had no problems ever since. Just like my son and I agree never to discuss politics. It works better this way. This woman's mom was so wrong that there really is no coming back from it. She would never be allowed in my home and life again. She and you father and Aunt cannot be trusted. Never share a meal with them either.
honoring your parents is only one half of the equation, the other half is that parents should not provoke their children to wrath. This is a new testament reference the mother is probably making (poorly), but the principle stands. If you're demanding respect, you have to be willing to give it in return. Also, even if you take religion out of the equation, what the mother is doing is creepy, weird, and disrespectful.
Jew here. OP is Jewish so she wouldn't follow anything from the New Testament. And honoring your parents is one of the Ten Commandments. BUT there are circumstances in which people would not be required to honor their parents, such as if they are abusive. Also, you're supposed to do what your parents tell you to do, but *not* if they tell you to violate any Jewish laws. I'm not a rabbi, but imo OP would not be obligated to honor her mother. And I definitely agree with you about the creepy, weird, and disrespectful!
Load More Replies... This is so sad and disturbing on many levels. It seems like the mother is upset about not being an object of worship? Does that sound too extreme? I don't know. But whenever a parent or friend gets so angry about someone's religion, it seems to me that they are jealous of God. And that always strikes me as somewhat immature.
My atheist mother hates my guts for not being an atheist. It's a control thing in her case. Her perspective seems to be that even as a middle-aged adult, I'm out of line for holding beliefs she disagrees with.
Load More Replies... i'm nowhere near being religious or something, but thats my decision. So is hers. Totally NTA. All that "you got to honor your parents" BS is so 1950s and totally not true. This really pisses me off, why in the goddamm world should you honor someone that is messing with your personal choices/ideals and your way of life? f**k them, get new locks and a security cam. report the relatives for harrasment, keep the phone records and messages for proof.
The problem here is not that her mothers is an atheist, the problem is that her mother is a bloody fool.
Not the AH! Change the locks and put in camera monitors (I'm not an expert on that). I can hardly believe such disrespect from your family. I have Orthodox Jewish friends and have been honored to be invited to their homes. They even have two refrigerators and different sets of dishes. I don't touch anything unless they ask me for help in preparing food.
Very sad that her mother and the rest of the family are anti-semites. I hope she goes no contact until she gets a complete and grovelling apology for what she has done, and as long as the rest of the family supported her, they'd be in the same boat.
Her mother is behaving dreadfully. While I personally think all religion is gobbledegook, she should respect her daughter’s decision and not try to actively undermine it. As a side note, any religious commandment that demands you treat non-believers as “the other” or “lesser” is a little suspect to me. It only takes you to replace (insert term for non-believer of religion of your choosing here) with a race or skin colour and it’s not a very good look at all.
1. Majority of Atheists are good people who would not even think of going down this hole. 2. Not this lady here, but there are Jews who are Atheists themselves (Judaism is seen as more of a culture and a way of life - look up Reconstructionism) 3. Many religions dietary laws actually are good for health. 4. That was a real low, messing with the Mezzuzahs as well.
I'm not a religious person by any means but this is messed up dude! I'm an atheist and I would NEVER disrespect someone's religion. Even if I think their religion doesn't make sense or something.. say they worshipped hot dogs or something.. I'd literally respect their wishes and beliefs and never do anything that would hurt them or their practices. I wish we knew if the parents are religious. Something tells me that they're Christian or catholic. Maybe I'm just projecting because this is similar to the s**t I dealt with when I told some of my family that I don't believe in god.. (they'd hang crosses in my house when I'd have family over for holidays. Try to trick me into going to mass on holidays. They'd get me gifts that were religious relics. Not exactly the same thing. But still... respectful. Not as disrespectful as her parents though) but yeah.. this is gross as F UCK dude. Disown the family & move on with your lofe
She stated clearly her parents are both atheists, and that she was raised as an atheist, herself.
Load More Replies... A Kosher kitchen? I know of kosher meals, But how exactly do you make a whole kitchen kosher?
Utensils, pots and pans, etc. I will let the Jewish readers correct or add more info.
Load More Replies... Ask her if she minds you using her toothbrush. You rinse it out afterwords so it should be fine, right? Let strangers sleep in her bed as long as they make the bed after and its fine, right?
Atheist here: And while I think all of that is a bunch of magical fuss, the mother is still the a*****e from my point of view!
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