Same as with anything in life, not all jokes are made equal. Some are deep and intellectual, others are sheepishly funny, and some deliver the most majestical wordplays. Still, there's one more category that is as controversial as Prince was in the '80s - bad jokes. Which, in their own right, can also be divided into two categories. Bad jokes that are just terrible, and bad jokes that are funny. Mostly because they are so blatantly lame, and you wouldn't expect someone to come up with such a travesty. But hey, there's no need to be humble here - we like these really bad jokes and would like to share them with you too. So, this is our compendium called Bad Jokes Of The Day.
Why Bad Jokes Of The Day? Well, because these babies should be dosed one per day. Again, why? Well, because these funny bad jokes are like nothing you've seen before. They will touch you in the deepest places that haven't been tickled by amusement in a long while. They will coax a burst of laughter out of you so loud that your neighbors might think you've got your hands on a canister of laughing gas. And well, these lame jokes should be cherished, and a day for each is the perfect amount of time.
So, let's skip straight to the silly jokes, shall we? They are, just as usual, a bit further down, and once you get there, you should give your vote for the worst joke you encounter. After that, there's only one more thing left to do, and it is to share this article with your friends, of course!
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Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Ok this is one of my favorites, the first time I heard this one I started laughing out loud from the mental image I created
Fun fact: Australia's biggest export is boomerangs. It's also their biggest import.
I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.
I'm thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it's only holding me back.
I watched hockey before it was cool. They were basically swimming.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
My mind pictured some special breed of fungus before i got to the brick part. What's wrong with me?
I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
I'm really excited for the next autopsy club. It's open Mike night!
Why do ghosts love elevators?
Because it lifts their spirits.
What did the clock do when it was hungry?
It went back four seconds.
I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, it's also terrible.
What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield?
Its butt.
I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal. Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.
I'm a geologist, I don't take things for granite.
What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool?
Rock pay-for scissors.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"Supplies!"
I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.
I like to spend every day as if it's my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
This was a Jeremy Hardy joke, except instead of "calling for pudding" he said "f****d off my face on morphine"
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
What did Blackbeard the pirate say when he turned eighty?
"Aye, matey."
Just in case any thinks this, Blackbeard didn't live to turn 80. I know this is a joke, but just making sure
What do you call a cat with no legs?
You can call it whatever you want, it's still not coming.
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
Why are social media influencers afraid when they go to the woods alone at night?
They're constantly being followed.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but then I turned myself around.
Ever tried to eat a clock?
It's time-consuming.
And once you're done eating it just makes your mid section larger. What a big waist of time.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?
"Oh sheet!"
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
There are three types of people in the world. Those of us who are good at math and those of us who aren't.
My daughter thinks I don't give her enough privacy. At least that's what she wrote in her diary.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they're bagels!
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
What did the finger say to the thumb?
I'm in glove with you.
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
"Breathe, damn it! Breathe!"
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
My dad's answer to everything is alcohol. He doesn't drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?
Because it was too tired.
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot.
I heard a much dirtier version of this... "Why is the maximum length of a p***s 11 inches?" ;)
What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes?
Corny!
What do you tell actors to break a leg?
Because every play has a cast!
I actually heard just the other day that this came from the "leg" they used to open and close the curtain. The hope was there would be so many curtain calls that it would cause that leg to break.
What's red and shaped like a bucket?
A blue bucket painted red.
What does a house wear?
Address!
Asked fiance this question. He responded with propper ties hahahahahahah
It's hard to teach kleptomaniacs humor. They take things so literally.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me?
"Stay out of those places!"
A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
What do an apple and an orange have in common?
Neither one can drive.
A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't you START ANYTHING!"
There's two olives sitting on a table. One falls off and the other leans over and asks "Are you OK?" The other says "Olive".
There's two olives sitting on a table. One falls off and the other leans over and asks "Are you OK?" The other says "Olive".
