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Mom Wonders If She Was A Jerk For Making The New Babysitter Cry After She Started Telling Her Kids That They’re Actually Hers
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Mom Wonders If She Was A Jerk For Making The New Babysitter Cry After She Started Telling Her Kids That They’re Actually Hers

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Boundaries are incredibly important, in every area of your life. Whether we’re talking about personal, family, or professional relationships. Some people, however, walk all over any implied boundaries, so you need to reinforce them and follow through on them, otherwise, things can get very, very emotionally messy.

A 26-year-old mom of two kids, who are 3 and 4 years old, turned to the AITA online community for their advice and wisdom on a situation that happened with a new babysitter, a friend of her mother-in-law’s. The latter insisted that her friend babysits for the couple for free, even though the two young professionals had no problem at all affording a professional sitter. Eventually, they relented.

Though things started out just fine, the situation took a dramatic and bizarre turn when one of the redditor’s kids asked her if she’s their real mom. That’s when the truth finally came out: the desperate new babysitter had been filling the kids’ heads with lies. The mom decided that some drastic action needed to be taken, though the fallout was pretty heavy. You’ll find the full story below, dear Pandas. When you’re done reading it, we’d like to know what you would have done in this situation and if you think the mom was right to react the way she did.

A mom was pressured by her mother-in-law to let a friend babysit her two children for free

Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)

Even though things seemed to be fine at first, the mom eventually noticed a huge red flag with the new sitter

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The couple immediately took steps to rectify the situation when they realized something was wrong

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The mom wanted the AITA community’s verdict on whether she did the right thing, in the end

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The entire situation would likely have gotten way out of hand if the new babysitter had been left to her own devices. Personally, I find it inexcusable that the sitter yelled at the kids and lied to them, trying to turn them against their own mother. It’s unprofessional. It’s manipulative. It’s just darn plain wrong!

Probably the worst part is that the author of the post’s mother-in-law insisted that they hire her friend and later started screaming at the couple when things didn’t work out. It seems that the MIL was putting her friendship ahead of her actual family’s welfare. Though we might love our friends, I still believe that family comes first. And you can’t sabotage family matters for the sake of your friend feeling a bit better about her life. There are other, healthier ways to do that which don’t result in family drama and everybody feeling like a big bunch of garbage.

According to ‘Care,’ parents should always trust their gut feelings when considering a babysitter for hire. Your intuition is there for a reason, use it. “In addition to properly screening a caregiver and monitoring the quality of care children receive, parents should never disregard their gut feeling about a provider. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t,” Michelle LaRowe, the founder of the ‘NannyTraining’ project explained. Though it’s always a good idea to get a second opinion if you’re usually anxious or suspicious about most things. Try to listen to your gut, heart, and brain all at once.

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Some other things that might be potential red flags include the fact that your child doesn’t look cared for when you get back home or starts developing unusual behavior and habits. What’s more, if your kid isn’t reacting all that well when the sitter shows up, there might be some issues there, too. Parents also ought to be concerned if a nanny completely ignores their instructions about bedtime, playtime, and food.

Most internet users sided with the mom. Here’s what they had to say about the entire bizarre situation

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leighm avatar
Dodo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL's friend needs to be kept far, far away from children.

tgsbbh avatar
ToGo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If MIL's friend can behave this way with someone else's children what on earth would she behave like with her own kids?! Shudder to think.

veni_vidi_vicky avatar
Vicky Zar
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've seen this story before. Does no one else get the vibe that MIL had a hand in this? The way she insisted her friend should babysit and then excuse her and blame the Mother for not having enough "compassion"?

nikistavrou avatar
8Yorkies-and-63cats
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're right, I also get the same kind of vibe.The MIL is either next level stupid or there was some plan in motion. Or she hates her DIL so much, her judgement is completely clouded.

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liddlecatpaws avatar
Jo Johannsen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the cynic here for wondering exactly how much the MIL contributed to the situation? How is the MIL-DIL relationship in general?

veni_vidi_vicky avatar
Vicky Zar
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No! That was my thought too! I've asked nearly the same question a few seconds ago

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ceegspam avatar
CLG
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does this even need to be answered on AITA? "I found out my babysitter was emotionally abusing my children so I let her go. AITA? 🥺" Come on.

mdr_1 avatar
Potato
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's always this comment on these posts. It's obviously entertaining to the viewers and the poster just want peace of mind (says it right there in the post). Just let it go.

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micheldurinx avatar
nikistavrou avatar
8Yorkies-and-63cats
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes! Coraline, the sequel. "The Other Mother aided by the real mother's mother in law!" Even Neil Gaiman would cringe at that.

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assistanttodj avatar
Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. MIL's friend desperately needs psychiatric help. What's she going to do next, kidnap the kids and tell the police she birthed them? I'd keep this woman as far away from me as possible and report her actions to the police. This behavior precludes awful stories like "pregnant woman murdered by friend and baby cut from her womb". Your MIL is completely in the wrong and putting her own grandchildren in mental, emotional and physical danger, as it's clear her friend is not mentally stable. If MIL doesn't eventually see what she's done wrong here, i'd cut her out of my life too. Too much crazy going on there for your young lives.

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The MIL seems to have suggested her friend because she felt sorry for her. The MIL and her friend don't understand boundaries. A professional nanny weighed in on the reddit thread: she adores her charges, gives them pet names (including "my babies" as a term of affection), but she refers to herself as the nanny and their parents as "mama" and "dada". She was creeped out by the situation with the delusional babysitter.

sluclakito avatar
LittleMissLotus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NOTIFY THE POLICE. This is by no stretch of the imagination normal, sane behavior. It sounds like it's concerningly probable she could snap at any second and try to kidnap the OP's kids or worse.

stijn_vlas avatar
elSti
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it's about my kid i don't mind being the A. My families interest over AITA.

nandinabee avatar
Nandina
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She yelled at your kids and lied to them to the point that your 4 year old is asking if you are her real mother?!?!? I would have lost my s**t and called the cops. She has damaged your children. This is not over by any stretch of the imagination. And your MIL is taking this deranged woman's side?!?!? Sheesh!

lifeartphoto avatar
TheDivineMsM
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Suuuuper creepy. Like Lifetime Movie "My Babysitter Kidnapped my Children" creepy.

suuspuusje avatar
Susie Elle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL's is a pathological liar and is a very dangerous person to have around children. It's sad she doesn't have any kids of her own, but on the other hand, I'd say thank god she doesn't have any kids of her own because I doubt she would provide them with a safe environment. She needs help. Lots of it.

veni_vidi_vicky avatar
elanorrosser avatar
Ellie Rosser
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone who "insists" on someone looking after your kids when you don't need it and didn't ask for it is pretty much always suspect.

greenrider82 avatar
Rider
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MOVE! And don't tell anyone where. You're in a Lifetime movie and she's Delta Burke.

perstephone29 avatar
Persephone
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are NTA! The friend has VERY SERIOUS mental health issues.... And, was doing this for free bc she didn't have kids?!? There needs to be a VERY serious discussion with MIL, about what she was allowing to be enabled here; if she wants to continue supporting her friend's dangerous (likely trauma or underlying disorder induced) behaviour, then the best way she can support her is thru encouraging counseling.

malifacent_4 avatar
Sarah
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like this woman (the babysitter) has some troubles she needs psychological help with. I wouldn't want my kids around her either but, I also hope she gets the help it sounds like she needs. And the MIL, how can she not see the problem there?

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m 61, and fate didn’t give me children, even though I wanted them very badly. However, you deal with whatever you’re dealt in life, and I’m OK with it. Even though I have being childless in common with MIL’s friend, I would never ever ever even think of trying to emotionally kidnap someone else’s kids. I sure as s**t would’ve gone ballistic on anyone who tried it with my kids if I’d had any, so why would I want to do that to another person? MIL’s friend needs to be taken away by those nice young men in their clean white coats.

alediaz avatar
Ale Díaz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Red flags everywhere. If she have this delusion about the children being hers, this can be the begining of something worse. She needs professional help.

julesandpaul avatar
smugdruggler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. Someone in the comments mentioned the film " the hand that rocks the cradle " and it does sound like the start of that kind of horror. Wouldn't let the crazy b!tch anywhere near my kids after hearing that. Mom is definitely NTA.

tash-penpalling avatar
Tenacious Squirrel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Surely the woman who posted this didn’t need to even ask if she was TA - she knows it was totally unacceptable behaviour and no way would you allow that to continue.

wakeupbeforeitstoolate avatar
Blondhrsecrzy2021
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am glad the kids was able to tell mom what was going on. This could had been a more tragic ending if this crazy woman wasn't stopped. I would bet this wasn't the first family she tried to manipulate. MIL will have to get over it because obviously she wasnt putting her grandkids well being first over hurt feelings of a friend.

kkermes avatar
Kim Kermes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would consider an order for protection keeping her away from your kids, if their therapist would support it. And MIL never, ever gets a house key! Or unsupervised contact with the kids.

benicia_99 avatar
Azure Adams
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL and the friend are no longer allowed around your children and take legal steps to ensure that!!!

kimw avatar
Kim W
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'll keep the kids away from MIL . she's not allowed unsupervised visits even in the same room. Both her and her friend is crazy one more than the other..I'll probably just Co mil just by her response alone.

vaelyn avatar
Enlee Jones
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is seriously creepy. I won’t be surprised if OP gives us an update about that woman trying to kidnap a kid from the park.

thisisnotjuddnelson avatar
Meg Curry
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister went through the same thing as a single mom. A neighbor offered to babysit my niece and I think 3 months later, my niece started saying her full name but using the neighbor's last name instead of ours. Called the neighbor's kids her "brother and sister". It got to a point where my niece (who was 4 at the time) was convinced my sister wasn't her real mom and that the neighbor was her real mom and that her "real mom" was planning on taking her back to California with the rest of her family. So obviously my sister put a stop to this but the neighbor harassed her and would call her crying saying how she took my niece away from her and my sister was going to hell. Fun times!

dk_5 avatar
D K
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A restraining order might give me peace of mind. What a psycho.

jenjoyner avatar
Xenon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Make sure the woman doesn't have a key to the house, or change the locks. Warn the children not to get into her car after school or any other time. Gently explain to them this woman is sick and should be avoided, and to tell if she approaches them.

zselyke_szekely avatar
UpupaEpops
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would probably go to the police to ask if this is enough for a restraining order. 😶 Maybe it's because my mother has zero understanding of boundaries, but I'm seriously worried that MIL would provide access to the children out of misplaced compassion. If it's gotten this far, it can only get worse from here.

biljanamalesevic avatar
Bilja M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was super creepy. She might be alone, but what MIL's friend did was just creepy and I would bet it was illegal. Of course, I would keep my children away from person who obviously has some serious mental issues.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The MIL is an narcissistic idiot with a messiah complex. She is putting her desire to be a saviour to her friend over the mental health of her grandchildren and the parental relationship between them and their parents, her son. This MIL needs to be kept at a distance.

jen_hunt_9250 avatar
Alethia Nyx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd be keeping a close eye on the house while you are out for a while. It sounds lucky you found out before she tried to kidnap them, that's where this sounds like its going.

beizhudi-serv avatar
Judes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A stranger offering to babysit kids for free is a massive red flag. The only people I would consider for a regular babysitting job without payment are close relatives such as grandparents, aunts and uncles.

elisa_joelle avatar
Efia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"feeling not comfortable" is pretty much an understatement if I were the mother

shrutipatel avatar
Shruti Patel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she didn't have children and longed to have why didn't she adopted one when she was young. Because she didn't wanted the hassle that comes with children. Keeping someone's baby for some hours and having parent duty 24 7 are two very different things.

proteus1203 avatar
Christoph
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That you even need to ask or clarify that you are NTA almost makes you a little bit of one. WITHOUT QUESTION MILF is OUT. WTF?!?!?!

omarmartnezolvera avatar
Om
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

gross and demented. The worst part is that MIL and babysitter aren't even that old, how can they be that insane already

stephanie_sukhareva avatar
Peryton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The person wrote "quote on quote" but that's not a real saying. It's "quote-unquote".

heathervance avatar
AzKhaleesi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is some deep hand that rocks the cradle s**t. Move and don't give your MIL the address. If one of my friends did that to my grandkids, I promise you she would NOT be my friend any longer at the very least.

rachaelsampson avatar
Rachael Sampson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What makes it worse is that the babysitter flat out insulted the mom calling her "just a money maker and not their real mother". No! The mom should not feel bad about firing her! She basically made it clear she didn't think you were a good enough mom. F**k the MIL friend!

julija-mich avatar
B-b-bird
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wait, so its ok that you are upset? feelings of stranger (with unacceptable behaviour towards your family) are before your own feelings and psychological wellbeing of your family? Out of question! if that would be me in your shoes, id give a verbal warning not to come close otherwise restraining order would be issued. And i'd state it goddam seriously so no questions would be asked further

ahmadpujianto avatar
The Cute Cat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my place, it is normal that baby sitter called like they are close family.. So they can be called big-sister, or aunty or ganny.. But of course the kids know that it is just a respect-call.

lauraswearingen-steadwell avatar
Aeon Flux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is AITA just a tool for AI and sociopaths to try and craft a convincing moral framework for themselves?

lynslow avatar
Demongrrrrl
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first red flag was that the woman insisted on NOT being paid. Anyone who offers to do something like that has an ulterior motive. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.

jmchoto avatar
Jo Choto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Makes sense that this deranged woman and the horrible MIL are friends. Stay away from both of them.

apriljenkins avatar
april jenkins
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL also should be banned. teach her a lesson. that is how a REAL mother could easily lose their kids.

imogenecargeaux avatar
Imogene Cargeaux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wtf... this seems like a lifetime movie... next she's going to kidnap your children and like.. hold your partner hostage until you sign over the rights for her to be their mother. That woman needs help. Who the hell does that?

anewlifealastchance avatar
Lucy Gregg
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The MIL knew what was going on, all of this themes kind of calculated. And I dont know if she did it to hurt the relationship between the mother and her children or if there was maybe even more to it.

magswag avatar
Mag Swag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it’s probably a good thing that MILs friend doesn’t have kids, if she is borderline gaslighting yours. NTA for sure.

dc1 avatar
DC
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

... still, I'm waiting for a AITA where it isn't clear beforehand that NTA. Self-assurance, it seems, is the one and only motivation behind these. Also, NTA, but that was clear beforehand.......

kimw avatar
Kim W
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't leave my kids with MIL unsupervised since she really thinks it ok for her friend to act that way.

monakhadra avatar
Mona
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There must be a reason this woman doesn't have kids... NTA screw the MIL and the sitter!

samanthaprendergast95 avatar
Samantha Prendergast
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As I was reading this I kept thinking of the movie The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, clearly I wasn't the only one...

juniorcj82 avatar
JuniorCJ82
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No need to feel bad whatsoever. NTA, MIL friend's creepy af.

_2 avatar
-
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My now ex MIL is like her MIL's friend she said that she wanted my daughter to call her mummy, She said that Nannan is Mummy and want's my baby living with her, I was lucky covid restrictions meant no visitors in the hospital because she told her son straight infront of me she want's my baby as soon as it is born and tried to attend birth, She called me the word moneymaker she told me get a second job work all of the time and send her my money so she can retire early and have my child then I have my grandchildren when I'm old that's how it works, She showed up without knowing she was coming let herself in picked up my newborn and said" hello my beautiful daughter your mummy is here" and wouldn't put her down for ages, She went crazy because we didn't ask her to name baby and repeatedly called her completely different name, Her son my now ex partner was similar to her mil here highly defending her and insisting she babysit and very often.

gennit avatar
Iris_the_kilr
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. MIL was the one in the wrong, and shouldnt baby sit the children anymore.

dontlook avatar
Don't Look
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think maybe you're just a p a w n. Your husband needs to take control of this because his mother is a controlling self serving wanker who clearly told her friend that she could have these two children when the woman clearly needs therapy. But the husband needs to stand his ground with this woman.

eliskaklimentova avatar
Eliska Klimentova
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Parents’ primary responsibility is the comfort and happiness of their kids. Kids were clearly uncomfortable with the situation, enough to tell them, and that’s it. They were plain and civil about it but they’re not responsible for catering to emotions of grown adults.

chabot0310 avatar
Miguel justino C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m getting sick and tired of the pointless AITA stories. 99% of these are not the a-hole. Is it just for validation or likes? It makes good conversation but most of these stories are palm to face situations. “My boyfriend wants to kill my cat” am I the asshole for kicking him out?

sabrinapandoo avatar
Nina
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a call the cops situation. That woman is a danger to children and needs to go on the pedo list in case she tries to emotionally and verbally abuse another child. You were very nice to that monster and you need to over react a lot more. Your MIL is also a disgrace. I'd keep your children away from such a toxic person who is enabling a woman who abuses children.

mintyminameow avatar
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I actually don’t believe this and I think the OP is kind of a bad liar. But, for the sake of the story, if she were telling the truth, there’s no way she’d question if she was wrong. She just wanted to tell us the story and didn’t know what forum to go to.

hokix12052 avatar
MorganFaulkner
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

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scotrutherford avatar
LivingTheDream
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

If you have to ask if you are the A$$hole in this situation, you probably should not have kids in the first place.

shinecaramia avatar
Shine Caramia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The person who posted is the victim of abuse (and a literal crime). It is really normal for victims of abuse to blame themselves.

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dande060912 avatar
April Stephens
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Is this all based on the word of the 4-year-old? Preschoolers are notoriously unreliable. Did the babysitter admit it went down this way?

veni_vidi_vicky avatar
Vicky Zar
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And a 4 year old would come up with this how? A 4 year old might tell you a pink Elefant ate all the cookies, but it is very unlikely they tell you stuff like this.

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leighm avatar
Dodo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL's friend needs to be kept far, far away from children.

tgsbbh avatar
ToGo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If MIL's friend can behave this way with someone else's children what on earth would she behave like with her own kids?! Shudder to think.

veni_vidi_vicky avatar
Vicky Zar
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've seen this story before. Does no one else get the vibe that MIL had a hand in this? The way she insisted her friend should babysit and then excuse her and blame the Mother for not having enough "compassion"?

nikistavrou avatar
8Yorkies-and-63cats
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're right, I also get the same kind of vibe.The MIL is either next level stupid or there was some plan in motion. Or she hates her DIL so much, her judgement is completely clouded.

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liddlecatpaws avatar
Jo Johannsen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the cynic here for wondering exactly how much the MIL contributed to the situation? How is the MIL-DIL relationship in general?

veni_vidi_vicky avatar
Vicky Zar
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No! That was my thought too! I've asked nearly the same question a few seconds ago

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ceegspam avatar
CLG
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does this even need to be answered on AITA? "I found out my babysitter was emotionally abusing my children so I let her go. AITA? 🥺" Come on.

mdr_1 avatar
Potato
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's always this comment on these posts. It's obviously entertaining to the viewers and the poster just want peace of mind (says it right there in the post). Just let it go.

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micheldurinx avatar
nikistavrou avatar
8Yorkies-and-63cats
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes! Coraline, the sequel. "The Other Mother aided by the real mother's mother in law!" Even Neil Gaiman would cringe at that.

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assistanttodj avatar
Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. MIL's friend desperately needs psychiatric help. What's she going to do next, kidnap the kids and tell the police she birthed them? I'd keep this woman as far away from me as possible and report her actions to the police. This behavior precludes awful stories like "pregnant woman murdered by friend and baby cut from her womb". Your MIL is completely in the wrong and putting her own grandchildren in mental, emotional and physical danger, as it's clear her friend is not mentally stable. If MIL doesn't eventually see what she's done wrong here, i'd cut her out of my life too. Too much crazy going on there for your young lives.

viviane_katz avatar
Viviane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The MIL seems to have suggested her friend because she felt sorry for her. The MIL and her friend don't understand boundaries. A professional nanny weighed in on the reddit thread: she adores her charges, gives them pet names (including "my babies" as a term of affection), but she refers to herself as the nanny and their parents as "mama" and "dada". She was creeped out by the situation with the delusional babysitter.

sluclakito avatar
LittleMissLotus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NOTIFY THE POLICE. This is by no stretch of the imagination normal, sane behavior. It sounds like it's concerningly probable she could snap at any second and try to kidnap the OP's kids or worse.

stijn_vlas avatar
elSti
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it's about my kid i don't mind being the A. My families interest over AITA.

nandinabee avatar
Nandina
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She yelled at your kids and lied to them to the point that your 4 year old is asking if you are her real mother?!?!? I would have lost my s**t and called the cops. She has damaged your children. This is not over by any stretch of the imagination. And your MIL is taking this deranged woman's side?!?!? Sheesh!

lifeartphoto avatar
TheDivineMsM
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Suuuuper creepy. Like Lifetime Movie "My Babysitter Kidnapped my Children" creepy.

suuspuusje avatar
Susie Elle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL's is a pathological liar and is a very dangerous person to have around children. It's sad she doesn't have any kids of her own, but on the other hand, I'd say thank god she doesn't have any kids of her own because I doubt she would provide them with a safe environment. She needs help. Lots of it.

veni_vidi_vicky avatar
elanorrosser avatar
Ellie Rosser
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone who "insists" on someone looking after your kids when you don't need it and didn't ask for it is pretty much always suspect.

greenrider82 avatar
Rider
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MOVE! And don't tell anyone where. You're in a Lifetime movie and she's Delta Burke.

perstephone29 avatar
Persephone
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are NTA! The friend has VERY SERIOUS mental health issues.... And, was doing this for free bc she didn't have kids?!? There needs to be a VERY serious discussion with MIL, about what she was allowing to be enabled here; if she wants to continue supporting her friend's dangerous (likely trauma or underlying disorder induced) behaviour, then the best way she can support her is thru encouraging counseling.

malifacent_4 avatar
Sarah
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like this woman (the babysitter) has some troubles she needs psychological help with. I wouldn't want my kids around her either but, I also hope she gets the help it sounds like she needs. And the MIL, how can she not see the problem there?

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m 61, and fate didn’t give me children, even though I wanted them very badly. However, you deal with whatever you’re dealt in life, and I’m OK with it. Even though I have being childless in common with MIL’s friend, I would never ever ever even think of trying to emotionally kidnap someone else’s kids. I sure as s**t would’ve gone ballistic on anyone who tried it with my kids if I’d had any, so why would I want to do that to another person? MIL’s friend needs to be taken away by those nice young men in their clean white coats.

alediaz avatar
Ale Díaz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Red flags everywhere. If she have this delusion about the children being hers, this can be the begining of something worse. She needs professional help.

julesandpaul avatar
smugdruggler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. Someone in the comments mentioned the film " the hand that rocks the cradle " and it does sound like the start of that kind of horror. Wouldn't let the crazy b!tch anywhere near my kids after hearing that. Mom is definitely NTA.

tash-penpalling avatar
Tenacious Squirrel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Surely the woman who posted this didn’t need to even ask if she was TA - she knows it was totally unacceptable behaviour and no way would you allow that to continue.

wakeupbeforeitstoolate avatar
Blondhrsecrzy2021
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am glad the kids was able to tell mom what was going on. This could had been a more tragic ending if this crazy woman wasn't stopped. I would bet this wasn't the first family she tried to manipulate. MIL will have to get over it because obviously she wasnt putting her grandkids well being first over hurt feelings of a friend.

kkermes avatar
Kim Kermes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would consider an order for protection keeping her away from your kids, if their therapist would support it. And MIL never, ever gets a house key! Or unsupervised contact with the kids.

benicia_99 avatar
Azure Adams
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL and the friend are no longer allowed around your children and take legal steps to ensure that!!!

kimw avatar
Kim W
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'll keep the kids away from MIL . she's not allowed unsupervised visits even in the same room. Both her and her friend is crazy one more than the other..I'll probably just Co mil just by her response alone.

vaelyn avatar
Enlee Jones
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is seriously creepy. I won’t be surprised if OP gives us an update about that woman trying to kidnap a kid from the park.

thisisnotjuddnelson avatar
Meg Curry
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister went through the same thing as a single mom. A neighbor offered to babysit my niece and I think 3 months later, my niece started saying her full name but using the neighbor's last name instead of ours. Called the neighbor's kids her "brother and sister". It got to a point where my niece (who was 4 at the time) was convinced my sister wasn't her real mom and that the neighbor was her real mom and that her "real mom" was planning on taking her back to California with the rest of her family. So obviously my sister put a stop to this but the neighbor harassed her and would call her crying saying how she took my niece away from her and my sister was going to hell. Fun times!

dk_5 avatar
D K
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A restraining order might give me peace of mind. What a psycho.

jenjoyner avatar
Xenon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Make sure the woman doesn't have a key to the house, or change the locks. Warn the children not to get into her car after school or any other time. Gently explain to them this woman is sick and should be avoided, and to tell if she approaches them.

zselyke_szekely avatar
UpupaEpops
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would probably go to the police to ask if this is enough for a restraining order. 😶 Maybe it's because my mother has zero understanding of boundaries, but I'm seriously worried that MIL would provide access to the children out of misplaced compassion. If it's gotten this far, it can only get worse from here.

biljanamalesevic avatar
Bilja M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was super creepy. She might be alone, but what MIL's friend did was just creepy and I would bet it was illegal. Of course, I would keep my children away from person who obviously has some serious mental issues.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The MIL is an narcissistic idiot with a messiah complex. She is putting her desire to be a saviour to her friend over the mental health of her grandchildren and the parental relationship between them and their parents, her son. This MIL needs to be kept at a distance.

jen_hunt_9250 avatar
Alethia Nyx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd be keeping a close eye on the house while you are out for a while. It sounds lucky you found out before she tried to kidnap them, that's where this sounds like its going.

beizhudi-serv avatar
Judes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A stranger offering to babysit kids for free is a massive red flag. The only people I would consider for a regular babysitting job without payment are close relatives such as grandparents, aunts and uncles.

elisa_joelle avatar
Efia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"feeling not comfortable" is pretty much an understatement if I were the mother

shrutipatel avatar
Shruti Patel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she didn't have children and longed to have why didn't she adopted one when she was young. Because she didn't wanted the hassle that comes with children. Keeping someone's baby for some hours and having parent duty 24 7 are two very different things.

proteus1203 avatar
Christoph
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That you even need to ask or clarify that you are NTA almost makes you a little bit of one. WITHOUT QUESTION MILF is OUT. WTF?!?!?!

omarmartnezolvera avatar
Om
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

gross and demented. The worst part is that MIL and babysitter aren't even that old, how can they be that insane already

stephanie_sukhareva avatar
Peryton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The person wrote "quote on quote" but that's not a real saying. It's "quote-unquote".

heathervance avatar
AzKhaleesi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is some deep hand that rocks the cradle s**t. Move and don't give your MIL the address. If one of my friends did that to my grandkids, I promise you she would NOT be my friend any longer at the very least.

rachaelsampson avatar
Rachael Sampson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What makes it worse is that the babysitter flat out insulted the mom calling her "just a money maker and not their real mother". No! The mom should not feel bad about firing her! She basically made it clear she didn't think you were a good enough mom. F**k the MIL friend!

julija-mich avatar
B-b-bird
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wait, so its ok that you are upset? feelings of stranger (with unacceptable behaviour towards your family) are before your own feelings and psychological wellbeing of your family? Out of question! if that would be me in your shoes, id give a verbal warning not to come close otherwise restraining order would be issued. And i'd state it goddam seriously so no questions would be asked further

ahmadpujianto avatar
The Cute Cat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my place, it is normal that baby sitter called like they are close family.. So they can be called big-sister, or aunty or ganny.. But of course the kids know that it is just a respect-call.

lauraswearingen-steadwell avatar
Aeon Flux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is AITA just a tool for AI and sociopaths to try and craft a convincing moral framework for themselves?

lynslow avatar
Demongrrrrl
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first red flag was that the woman insisted on NOT being paid. Anyone who offers to do something like that has an ulterior motive. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.

jmchoto avatar
Jo Choto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Makes sense that this deranged woman and the horrible MIL are friends. Stay away from both of them.

apriljenkins avatar
april jenkins
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL also should be banned. teach her a lesson. that is how a REAL mother could easily lose their kids.

imogenecargeaux avatar
Imogene Cargeaux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wtf... this seems like a lifetime movie... next she's going to kidnap your children and like.. hold your partner hostage until you sign over the rights for her to be their mother. That woman needs help. Who the hell does that?

anewlifealastchance avatar
Lucy Gregg
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The MIL knew what was going on, all of this themes kind of calculated. And I dont know if she did it to hurt the relationship between the mother and her children or if there was maybe even more to it.

magswag avatar
Mag Swag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it’s probably a good thing that MILs friend doesn’t have kids, if she is borderline gaslighting yours. NTA for sure.

dc1 avatar
DC
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

... still, I'm waiting for a AITA where it isn't clear beforehand that NTA. Self-assurance, it seems, is the one and only motivation behind these. Also, NTA, but that was clear beforehand.......

kimw avatar
Kim W
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't leave my kids with MIL unsupervised since she really thinks it ok for her friend to act that way.

monakhadra avatar
Mona
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There must be a reason this woman doesn't have kids... NTA screw the MIL and the sitter!

samanthaprendergast95 avatar
Samantha Prendergast
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As I was reading this I kept thinking of the movie The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, clearly I wasn't the only one...

juniorcj82 avatar
JuniorCJ82
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No need to feel bad whatsoever. NTA, MIL friend's creepy af.

_2 avatar
-
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My now ex MIL is like her MIL's friend she said that she wanted my daughter to call her mummy, She said that Nannan is Mummy and want's my baby living with her, I was lucky covid restrictions meant no visitors in the hospital because she told her son straight infront of me she want's my baby as soon as it is born and tried to attend birth, She called me the word moneymaker she told me get a second job work all of the time and send her my money so she can retire early and have my child then I have my grandchildren when I'm old that's how it works, She showed up without knowing she was coming let herself in picked up my newborn and said" hello my beautiful daughter your mummy is here" and wouldn't put her down for ages, She went crazy because we didn't ask her to name baby and repeatedly called her completely different name, Her son my now ex partner was similar to her mil here highly defending her and insisting she babysit and very often.

gennit avatar
Iris_the_kilr
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. MIL was the one in the wrong, and shouldnt baby sit the children anymore.

dontlook avatar
Don't Look
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think maybe you're just a p a w n. Your husband needs to take control of this because his mother is a controlling self serving wanker who clearly told her friend that she could have these two children when the woman clearly needs therapy. But the husband needs to stand his ground with this woman.

eliskaklimentova avatar
Eliska Klimentova
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Parents’ primary responsibility is the comfort and happiness of their kids. Kids were clearly uncomfortable with the situation, enough to tell them, and that’s it. They were plain and civil about it but they’re not responsible for catering to emotions of grown adults.

chabot0310 avatar
Miguel justino C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m getting sick and tired of the pointless AITA stories. 99% of these are not the a-hole. Is it just for validation or likes? It makes good conversation but most of these stories are palm to face situations. “My boyfriend wants to kill my cat” am I the asshole for kicking him out?

sabrinapandoo avatar
Nina
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a call the cops situation. That woman is a danger to children and needs to go on the pedo list in case she tries to emotionally and verbally abuse another child. You were very nice to that monster and you need to over react a lot more. Your MIL is also a disgrace. I'd keep your children away from such a toxic person who is enabling a woman who abuses children.

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Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
2 years ago

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I actually don’t believe this and I think the OP is kind of a bad liar. But, for the sake of the story, if she were telling the truth, there’s no way she’d question if she was wrong. She just wanted to tell us the story and didn’t know what forum to go to.

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MorganFaulkner
Community Member
2 years ago

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LivingTheDream
Community Member
2 years ago

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If you have to ask if you are the A$$hole in this situation, you probably should not have kids in the first place.

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Shine Caramia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The person who posted is the victim of abuse (and a literal crime). It is really normal for victims of abuse to blame themselves.

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April Stephens
Community Member
2 years ago

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Is this all based on the word of the 4-year-old? Preschoolers are notoriously unreliable. Did the babysitter admit it went down this way?

veni_vidi_vicky avatar
Vicky Zar
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And a 4 year old would come up with this how? A 4 year old might tell you a pink Elefant ate all the cookies, but it is very unlikely they tell you stuff like this.

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