The world would be one hell of a boring place without the endless amount of awkward conversations people endure on a daily basis. When you’re in the middle of it, it’s very little fun indeed. We get it. Blushing, sweating and wanting to disappear are some of the very well known adverse effects that come with it. But that’s the price to pay for one heck of a story you gotta tell months and even years later. So in perspective, it’s relatively cheap, right?
So today, we are going on a cringeworthy trip into hilariously painful and embarrassingly awkward exchanges between individuals that have been shared by people online. Scroll down through the collection of priceless convos below, upvote your favorite ones and be sure to share your own awkward convo experiences. And if it feels like you’ve heard similarly cringey dialogues in the first seasons of The Office, it’s likely because only reality can be stranger than fiction.
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Thanks I needed to know someone else really doesn't listen at times!
No one is immune to awkward conversations. I mean, we are all social animals living among fellow human beings, and just as it’s sometimes fun and wonderful to be among them, it's also pretty awkward too. We gotta pay the price for all the fun, right?
So even if we agree that the awkward exchanges you wish would disappear are part of human communication and occasionally we’re gonna get that blushing convo thrown into our daily errands, sometimes the exchanges are so much more complex than that. Especially if you’re dealing with someone who really annoys you. Yep, your colleague, tutor, a friend of friend, you know it.
Haha, oops. Yesterday morning my daughter and I were having a chat. She stopped for a minute and started talking into her phone to send a voice message to her bf. I thought she was done and let out a fart. I realised she hadn't finished when she started laughing. She played it back, and yep, you could hear the fart. We said if her bf hears it we will blame the dog.
I hate those things. It really does seem like they are talking to you and then they always have the nerve to get pissy when you respond as if you routinely look at people's ears before talking
In order to find out exactly how to remain calm when dealing with people who irritate you, because as you know very well, it’s unavoidable, we spoke with Susan Petang, a certified stress management coach specializing in painful life changes. “For people who are irritating and annoying, ask yourself, 'Why could they be doing that?' Maybe the dog threw up in their shoes. Maybe they had an argument a few minutes ago. Maybe they had a horrible childhood and they don't know any better.”
Susan also reminds us of a truth as old as history: “usually other people's bad behavior has nothing to do with us.” And even if that doesn't justify their behavior, it helps you to stay calmer.
No, I would've done the same. She should've been more specific. I want ice cream.
You just need to change Your name to "Muslim" - the easiest way to live with it
The next phase when learning to deal with people you don’t find comfortable is setting boundaries and limits. “Most of the time, the best strategy is to let people's irritating behavior go. It's usually not worth your energy to confront every person who steps on your toes or annoys you. Sometimes, though, you may decide that a line has been crossed and someone's behavior has to be stopped so it doesn't have a negative effect on you.”
Susan gave a useful example: “To do that, use an XYZ statement: 'When you do X, I feel Y, and I'd like Z.' Here's what that might sound like: ‘When you criticize the reports I do, I feel angry and unhappy. I'd like to get some constructive feedback instead, if you don't like the way I'm writing them.’”
Put yourself in her shoes. She is probably posting on Reddit this very moment "Some weird guy asked me if he could pet a muffin I was holding" (I figured that "...he could pet my muffin..." would sound even weirder)
Most importantly, tone and attitude are everything! “There may be a day when you might irritate someone else—so how would you want to be spoken to? Be the change you want to see, because your actions are teaching others how you want to be treated,” the stress management coach concluded.
I agree. I feel some sadness and a "You're free to do whatever you want but know that I love you" in his message.
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She said she was going "with Elain." Did he think they were having a threesome with this Michael person, and she just decided to let him know over text? Or what?
wow that is one very loyal, loving boyfriend. even if she was cheating he took it so well
"Have fun with your 3way, honey. I hope you're still coming by on Tuesday to watch the LotR extended cut with me..."
I used to build computers back in the day. I had an electronic organizer that looked like a calculator and I used it to hold telephone numbers to motherboard manufacturers. One day my wife at the time found my organizer at home while I was away at work. When my friend and I came home after work my wife was visibly shaken and asked "who is ami bios? " and almost had tears in her eyes. My friend and myself busted out laughing. Ami bios is American megatrends incorporated. We explained it was simply a manufacturer. I apologized for laughing, it was just funny. I forget that not everyone knows about computers. I guess the fact it was an 800 number didn't help much. Ironically, I find out later that she had been involved in multiple affairs.
Oh sh!t, I started laughing and then your last sentence... I'm sorry Billy. Hug.
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Yeah, my guess is that things didn't end so well between them..
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It's OK. I'm pretty sure Michaels doesn't like women. Poor Joanne's (Joanne's Fabrics). She's been chasing him all over the country, and he doesn't seem the slightest bit interested.
Or maybe D**k's has been creeping her out, and she just wants to be near a safe male.
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So she is not allowed to visit male friends and it escalates fr communicating zero about his feels to " good luck with him"? She dodged a bullet.
Yeah. I dont get all the "oh he is so sweet " comments. He looks like a control freak. What if she was going to visit a guy? She isnt allowed to have male friends anymore? Glad that she broke up
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When we were dating my husband told me he was going to Amy and my heart broke until I remembered he's dyslexic and in the Army
Yikes. Why does everything related to men turn into something violent? Calm down American
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In fairness I've never heard of wine served by the liter even in metric countries. In Russia its glass or bottle.
Reminds me of my dad when he forgot his glasses and asked my mother who the weird guy by the door was. The "weird guy" was a coat hanger in a restaurant.
Tesco lad trying to get out of an awkward situation: "nooo, it's part of the meal deal" :D
Well I guess you could chat with him and see if it was the right decision
The customer: "I was afraid to ask, but yes, I would like them in a bag" :) *Po-po-po-poker face po-po-poker face*
This is my nightmare when I go shoe shopping: that someone will try on or steal my shoes...
That's hilarious! It's almost as funny as falling down, and eating ass.🥴😁😆🤣
Librarians help a LOT of people. There is a good chance they didn't know you. They were probably ready to point you in the direction of the bathroom except you turned and left. They wouldn't have known what to do with the money so it would have been entered as a donation at the end of the day. Lastly, library accounts expire after a year and at my library are deleted after two years of inactivity, meaning no record of the original fine. It's been three years, it's time to go back and start afresh.
That's why I always make surely to cheek what I've typed before I press scent!
Well, if you get 59 out of 59 in a test, then you're not dumb ;-)
Same thing happened to my grandmother. She thought her son (my dad) was calling from college. It was actually some other college kid trying to call his mom. They had a nice chat before they figured it out.
When i saw the name Stan my brain.exe stopped working and i read satan
Well let's hope this story comes to mind if he ever asks you to marry him.
First of all, maybe they should've started with that and secondly, please learn how to phrase, no matter your position. Not taking orders seems like a good response.
Note: this post originally had 90 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
I did a FANTASTIC one this week. On Monday, I joined a new choir. For a woman, I have a deep voice and I sing tenor. We were working on a song where baritones and tenors were singing together. She wanted to be considerate of me, so she kept saying, "Gentlemen and Jo" every time, and it prompted people to look at me. I didn't want the extra attention. So after practice, I decided to let her know I was okay for her to just lump me in with the men and not call me out specifically. I put on my mask and it was quite high up near my eyes. I went over to her, not sure how to phrase my request, I reached out to touch her arm, but because my mask was up so high, I ended up grabbing her breast while saying, "It's okay, you can call me a man." My life.
At work, somebody with a deep smoker voice (i don't know how to say that in english, sorry) call me and I say "What can I do for you, mister ?". The voice responded : "In fact, I'm a woman, I have throat cancer". Even 3 years after that, I feel bad.
At one of my old retail jobs I would occasionally answer the phone and after the normal into of hi this is my name thanks for calling this business I would either say "how can I help you?" Or "what can I do for you today?" Once I was working late and answered the phone and skipped the whole intro and blurted "HOW CAN I DO YOU?" I just handed the phone to my coworker and walked away.
Simple and effective solution, I like it! 😂😂😂😂👍
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I was Target last week and saw a woman holding a blanket wrapped bundle with something black peeking out and wiggling. I knew right away she had a puppy in her bundle so I ran up to her and said, "can I pet it?" She said, "What?" I said, "Can I pet?? and pointed to the bundle in her arms. I reached my hand out for scritches and at that exact moment, I realized it was a baby in a panda hat and not a puppy. I had just asked this woman if I could pet her baby. I had to abandon my cart and leave the store.
I was online with a chat-based customer support rep. They completely solved the problem. So at the end of the conversation, he wrote, "Have a nice day." I wrote back, "Thanks, you tool." IMMEDIATELY corrected myself, "SORRY I mean you TOO. You are not a tool!" I closed the convo window and just (⚆_⚆)
I used to have to go through a customer survey with people. One question was “And how did you find us?” (ie internet search/yellow pages, friend’s recommendation, etc) and someone once answered: “yeah, you’re fine”
5th grade and I was giving a report on aircraft manufacturers. Airplane parts came out airplane farts. In the fifth grade! Its been over 50 years but I'm pretty sure that's when my life started going to s**t.
I was walking to my dad's car after school and walked up to a car and tugged the door handle the woman inside looked at me like I was a murderer I could not get away fast enough
My husband hates pineapple. At a fancy dinner with my mom and in-laws, hubby picks up his fruit plate to offer me his "piece of pineapple". Instead of saying that, he said "want my penus?".
This was not a good thread to read while drinking seltzer. Anyway, I have one. My friends went on the Ferris wheel so I stood at the bottom and waved at them every time they went around (we were 12). The wheel stops and this couple in the seat right below them gets off and walks past me. I hear the girl say “Why the hell was that random kid waving at us?” That still keeps me awake at 2 in the morning.
If anything they should be embarrassed thinking that you were waving at them and not realizing you were probably waving at someone sitting either above or below them, tbh.
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Teaching and being observed by a vice -principal. I was describing how the hydra catches its food - dramatically said "By stinging their prey and using their testicles to drag it to their mouth." Tentacles. Tentacles. Tentacles... I said it in my dreams for over a week.
First 2 weeks in a new job a few years back: 1. Wrote asministrator instead of administrator in my email signature 2. Somehow shot a staple into my thumb instead of the paper I was trying to staple. Sat there and didnt say a word as I pulled it out and had to say something when my hand was bleeding. This was in my new job at the hospital :) 3. Whilst heavily pregnant at same job I answered the phone with "happy birthday" rather than hello and stating the team name
When I was about 4, my mum (who was a teacher) came to my school to help out my teacher with the class. She was stood behind my desk with her back to me, when I needed her help with something, so I called 'Mummy! Mummy!' a few times, but she didn't respond, so I pinched her bum (butt cheek), she exclaimed in surprise and turned around - but it wasn't my mum, it was my teacher!
When I was 18, I worked in one of those one person diners you find in a random tiny town you might accidentally come across during a road trip. We hosted a lot of snow birds (people who go to AZ for the winter from cold states), so we were only open when they were in town. It was normal day, a group of 4 older people sits down at my table. They begin ordering and this man asks "what kind of potatoes do you have?" I thought about it, said I'd be right back, and ran to our walk in to see. When I got back I immediately said "We serve Idaho potatoes" and the whole table began laughing hard.. and I realized what an idiot I was.
When I was at secondary school, my IT teacher had a lisp. While going through the class register she got to the lad sat next to me. He replied, “yesth misth.” O.O cue silence and everyone turning to look at him. I was looking at him when he said it and he closed his eyes the second he did so I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean to say it out loud 🤣
I once lisped in my dreams and had a hard time not lisping when I woke.
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I had just recently gotten my license and saw a good friend walking down the street. Slowed down, shouted his name and asked if he needed a ride. He was smiling and friendly and not at all my friend as he got into my car. Well, I was too embarrassed to explain so I have him a ride home....awkward.
We used to have a van in a metallic beige-gold colour, very common for the model. My better half would pick me up at the train station at the end of the day in it and we'd drive home from there. One night I climbed in, started talking, then realized that the startled man facing me wasn't him. Oops. Wrong gold van.
My brother worked in a paint shop during the summers at school. He'd had a few people come in and ask for "striped paint" - a classic joke. A man came in and asked for Stride Paint (a brand at the time) and my brother made a *big show* of pretending to look, out loud in a mocking voice " where could it be" and putting snarky messages out on the PA system, before his boss came running over to inform the gentleman that it was on aisle 3. My brother all but medically died that day.
As a young kid I used to walk behind my mum with my head inside her jumper/top - think of a very intimate conga line. Apparently I once mistook another lady for my mum and gave her the surprise of her life. Mum ran over apologising profusely but the lady wouldn't hear it, said it was rather nice!
I work at a convenience chain and my coworker walks up and asks me about a product, a tube of sour candy gel. He says "do you know what this is?" I say yes. He says "Do you know where it goes?" I say "Uh yeah, it goes in your mouth." He looks at me incredulously and says "I meant what shelf does it go on." Oooooof
At an Ikea in a French town, I got to ask for the meatballs with... I forget the word for vegetables and out slides "vegetal," which, in French, means dark, organic material in soil. Server cannot stop laughing and actually crouches on the floor...still laughing.
Our local Grocery store has a CSR/Bagger that is is wheelchair bound and always grouchy. I do my best to say something cheerful. He asked me if I wanted help out with my groceries. I smailed and told him Nah, all good I've been sitting on my ass all day. I laugh/cried all the way home.
Remembers me at the Biker that got called over by the police... Police: "Please get out and show your papers..." Biker: "Isn't it enough if I open the Window?"
Not me, but the wife... works within and organisation with differently able children. One day, due to a typo, instead of typing "kind regards", she typed "kind retards" to a client (g and t are next to each other on the the keyboard)... i helped her setup an auto-sig shortly after.
I love these, and the comments too. I remember a long time ago when I was a student, we had to do on-the-spot literature translations (from German to English) in front of the entire group when selected by the lecturer. I got selected and started translating something which I think was supposed to include something like "The new wave of politicians, who believed in free spirit..." and I translated it as "The new wave of politicians, who believed in free loving..." My lecturer completely cracked up and couldn't compose himself, everyone in the lecture roared with laughter, and I went bright red!
I don't know why, it sounds like politicians to me
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The time I'm up in a conference room near the customer service dept. just joking around and I yell out something like, "Yea I can walk around like I own the place!" Annnnd that's right when the company owner comes swinging around the corner in through the doorway....
I was temporarily on switchboard (there was no one else), and new to the company when someone phoned, and introduced himself as "Surgeon"! OK, I have heard Doctor, Mister, but never Surgeon! Red face two minutes later, I was delaying contact with the Managing Director, and "Sir John!"
In the early 90's I was working at a car wash, it was the last car coming through at closing time and I was at the end wiping the cars down to get the excess water off that the blowers missed. I finished wiping the car down and came around to the drivers window to send her on her way and collect a tip if one was offered. She was nice and we chatted for a moment, I glanced down and noticed that she was easily 8 months along in her pregnancy so I asked when she was due, her pleasant disposition immediately changed to that of a demon from the 9th level of hell and she floored it out of the parking lot, turns out she called my boss the next day and she was upset that I made fun of her being fat.
The rule is never ask if someone is pregnant unless you see a small human emerging from their body.
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At a restaurant with some family. My Mom, my brother, and his husband. There was live music, it was loud. The waitress asked how we were, I said "I don't have a date" (she heard 'the onion rings are great') She replied "Good, Good" Only after the whole table just about fell on the floor laughing, did she figure out what I had said. We didn't see her for the rest of the night.
I was at a friends place and their dad had someone he was mentoring over. The person who he was mentoring was out on a day pass from jail for killing someone. Now bare in mind, I was only 12 at the time and didn't know this and as their dog was barking like crazy to come back into the house I said "She just wants to come in to make sure that your not being murdered". I have never heard a house go so completely silent before before my friends mom ushered me outside and explained the situation and who and why that man was at their house.
Wednesday, I was looking for a shareable size of reeses pieces for something to snack on while at work, and asked one of the older employees that I knew somewhat well if they still carried reeses penis. . . He handed me some from a box he was unloading and shelving, looked me dead in the eye and said "Ma'am, we have these, but you have to check out tinder if you meant something else." Never gonna be able to look him in the eye again.
One that happened to me, personally: Was meeting friends for a birthday lunch. Afterward, I was the last to get up. I pressed on the corner of the table to help myself up - I was the lucky millionth presser, I guess. It BROKE. I fell back into the table. I was covered in drinks, pasta, and shame. I have a picture somewhere of me wearing the salad bowl as a hat. ********** And here's one I overheard in public: I was sitting next to a mom and 4 year old in a mall eatery. Girl starts snooping through mom's bags. She discovered Victoria's Secret and held up a thong, examining it. Mom was too busy on her phone to notice until, the little girl said very loudly, "MOMMY, what's this??" Mom gasped and shoved them back in the bag, saying it was underwear. And the little girl, "Those aren't underwear. There's no butt." Mom said she knew.... by now, she's very red, fumbling for answers. The girl says, "You knew and still got them? Why would you buy broken underwear??"
I was working at a convenience store and a guy comes in and asks me for job papers. I said "You mean like an application?" Blank stare...No I mean JOB papers. Rolling papers... We had a good laugh.
Something that has happened to me multiple times. I cancel an appointment for not feeling well, they tell me to "get well!" and I answer you too. I always feel like a fool afterwards. Also have a tendency to say "good night" when people say things like good bye, good morning. =/
I was watching my 2 year old niece while my sister was deployed in Desert Storm. My boyfriend had a cool pocket watch and she loved it, I remember telling her it was a little clock. We had friends over and she said to my boyfriend "Uncle Jeff can I play with your little c**k?" 😖
Just thought of another one. My partner and I were attending a wedding overseas and it was taking place in a public park. We were struggling to find the actual wedding as the park was quite large and we were just wandering around aimlessly. We only knew the bride and groom so didn't want to call them (to ask the specific location within the park/directions). We then saw a smartly dressed lady and I approached her to ask if she was attending the wedding, she said yes, and we breathed a sigh of relief as she seemed to know where she was going. We walked around the park together, talking, and then we finally entered a little building where everyone was gathered waiting for the bride/groom/couple getting married. The lady eventually asked "So how do you know Javon and Jermaine?". We were at an entirely different wedding.
I really wish people would saying they're dumb for saying absent-minded stuff. You're not dumb, you're just not paying attention (which is fine, but you're not dumb for doing it).
I was saying goodbye to a group of 3 girls and one man, i kissed goodbye all the girls and, guess not to lose momentum, kissed thy guy as well
I've seen this happening couple of times, in Netherlands (before Corona, right) close friends and family kiss 3 times, so after some good time that goes like this as well.
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I lived in an apartment building when I was a kid. There was a new family that moved in, they had a kid our age. One day the was at the park (at our apt community), and other kids I knew were talking to him, etc. He quickly became a playground staple (along with he rest of us). Anyway, from that first day I heard the rest of the kids call him Fadian. They met him first, so that’s how I knew his name… So, I did as well, for months. Until one day at the pool, everyone was there, including Fadian’s mother… I proceeded to scream his name loud to get his attention (we were all playing some game in the pool or something)… and his mother looked at me with a death stare and sternly and loudly told me, “HIS NAME IS IAN!”😡 It took me a second… but I realized at that moment, the other kids weren’t calling him Fadian, they were calling him (Fat-Ian)…because the kid was over weight.🤦🏼♀️ I was screaming FAT- Ian across the pool area at an over weight kid… with his mom right there!😩😞
Oh, gotcha. In the UK many people refer to them as Rizlas, because that's the brand we have here. Silly me not realising!!
When I was waaaaaaay younger, my godfather once called me both to wish me a Happy New Year and a Happy Birthday (my birthday is on the 2nd of January) and I also wished him a happy birthday (his birthday was 5 days after mine) and I was so embarrassed that I was crying (again, I was, 8 or smth) and it took him telling a sobbing Rosie that it was alright and that I was in a way correct, for me to calm down.
I did a FANTASTIC one this week. On Monday, I joined a new choir. For a woman, I have a deep voice and I sing tenor. We were working on a song where baritones and tenors were singing together. She wanted to be considerate of me, so she kept saying, "Gentlemen and Jo" every time, and it prompted people to look at me. I didn't want the extra attention. So after practice, I decided to let her know I was okay for her to just lump me in with the men and not call me out specifically. I put on my mask and it was quite high up near my eyes. I went over to her, not sure how to phrase my request, I reached out to touch her arm, but because my mask was up so high, I ended up grabbing her breast while saying, "It's okay, you can call me a man." My life.
At work, somebody with a deep smoker voice (i don't know how to say that in english, sorry) call me and I say "What can I do for you, mister ?". The voice responded : "In fact, I'm a woman, I have throat cancer". Even 3 years after that, I feel bad.
At one of my old retail jobs I would occasionally answer the phone and after the normal into of hi this is my name thanks for calling this business I would either say "how can I help you?" Or "what can I do for you today?" Once I was working late and answered the phone and skipped the whole intro and blurted "HOW CAN I DO YOU?" I just handed the phone to my coworker and walked away.
Simple and effective solution, I like it! 😂😂😂😂👍
Load More Replies... I was Target last week and saw a woman holding a blanket wrapped bundle with something black peeking out and wiggling. I knew right away she had a puppy in her bundle so I ran up to her and said, "can I pet it?" She said, "What?" I said, "Can I pet?? and pointed to the bundle in her arms. I reached my hand out for scritches and at that exact moment, I realized it was a baby in a panda hat and not a puppy. I had just asked this woman if I could pet her baby. I had to abandon my cart and leave the store.
I was online with a chat-based customer support rep. They completely solved the problem. So at the end of the conversation, he wrote, "Have a nice day." I wrote back, "Thanks, you tool." IMMEDIATELY corrected myself, "SORRY I mean you TOO. You are not a tool!" I closed the convo window and just (⚆_⚆)
I used to have to go through a customer survey with people. One question was “And how did you find us?” (ie internet search/yellow pages, friend’s recommendation, etc) and someone once answered: “yeah, you’re fine”
5th grade and I was giving a report on aircraft manufacturers. Airplane parts came out airplane farts. In the fifth grade! Its been over 50 years but I'm pretty sure that's when my life started going to s**t.
I was walking to my dad's car after school and walked up to a car and tugged the door handle the woman inside looked at me like I was a murderer I could not get away fast enough
My husband hates pineapple. At a fancy dinner with my mom and in-laws, hubby picks up his fruit plate to offer me his "piece of pineapple". Instead of saying that, he said "want my penus?".
This was not a good thread to read while drinking seltzer. Anyway, I have one. My friends went on the Ferris wheel so I stood at the bottom and waved at them every time they went around (we were 12). The wheel stops and this couple in the seat right below them gets off and walks past me. I hear the girl say “Why the hell was that random kid waving at us?” That still keeps me awake at 2 in the morning.
If anything they should be embarrassed thinking that you were waving at them and not realizing you were probably waving at someone sitting either above or below them, tbh.
Load More Replies... Teaching and being observed by a vice -principal. I was describing how the hydra catches its food - dramatically said "By stinging their prey and using their testicles to drag it to their mouth." Tentacles. Tentacles. Tentacles... I said it in my dreams for over a week.
First 2 weeks in a new job a few years back: 1. Wrote asministrator instead of administrator in my email signature 2. Somehow shot a staple into my thumb instead of the paper I was trying to staple. Sat there and didnt say a word as I pulled it out and had to say something when my hand was bleeding. This was in my new job at the hospital :) 3. Whilst heavily pregnant at same job I answered the phone with "happy birthday" rather than hello and stating the team name
When I was about 4, my mum (who was a teacher) came to my school to help out my teacher with the class. She was stood behind my desk with her back to me, when I needed her help with something, so I called 'Mummy! Mummy!' a few times, but she didn't respond, so I pinched her bum (butt cheek), she exclaimed in surprise and turned around - but it wasn't my mum, it was my teacher!
When I was 18, I worked in one of those one person diners you find in a random tiny town you might accidentally come across during a road trip. We hosted a lot of snow birds (people who go to AZ for the winter from cold states), so we were only open when they were in town. It was normal day, a group of 4 older people sits down at my table. They begin ordering and this man asks "what kind of potatoes do you have?" I thought about it, said I'd be right back, and ran to our walk in to see. When I got back I immediately said "We serve Idaho potatoes" and the whole table began laughing hard.. and I realized what an idiot I was.
When I was at secondary school, my IT teacher had a lisp. While going through the class register she got to the lad sat next to me. He replied, “yesth misth.” O.O cue silence and everyone turning to look at him. I was looking at him when he said it and he closed his eyes the second he did so I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean to say it out loud 🤣
I once lisped in my dreams and had a hard time not lisping when I woke.
Load More Replies... I had just recently gotten my license and saw a good friend walking down the street. Slowed down, shouted his name and asked if he needed a ride. He was smiling and friendly and not at all my friend as he got into my car. Well, I was too embarrassed to explain so I have him a ride home....awkward.
We used to have a van in a metallic beige-gold colour, very common for the model. My better half would pick me up at the train station at the end of the day in it and we'd drive home from there. One night I climbed in, started talking, then realized that the startled man facing me wasn't him. Oops. Wrong gold van.
My brother worked in a paint shop during the summers at school. He'd had a few people come in and ask for "striped paint" - a classic joke. A man came in and asked for Stride Paint (a brand at the time) and my brother made a *big show* of pretending to look, out loud in a mocking voice " where could it be" and putting snarky messages out on the PA system, before his boss came running over to inform the gentleman that it was on aisle 3. My brother all but medically died that day.
As a young kid I used to walk behind my mum with my head inside her jumper/top - think of a very intimate conga line. Apparently I once mistook another lady for my mum and gave her the surprise of her life. Mum ran over apologising profusely but the lady wouldn't hear it, said it was rather nice!
I work at a convenience chain and my coworker walks up and asks me about a product, a tube of sour candy gel. He says "do you know what this is?" I say yes. He says "Do you know where it goes?" I say "Uh yeah, it goes in your mouth." He looks at me incredulously and says "I meant what shelf does it go on." Oooooof
At an Ikea in a French town, I got to ask for the meatballs with... I forget the word for vegetables and out slides "vegetal," which, in French, means dark, organic material in soil. Server cannot stop laughing and actually crouches on the floor...still laughing.
Our local Grocery store has a CSR/Bagger that is is wheelchair bound and always grouchy. I do my best to say something cheerful. He asked me if I wanted help out with my groceries. I smailed and told him Nah, all good I've been sitting on my ass all day. I laugh/cried all the way home.
Remembers me at the Biker that got called over by the police... Police: "Please get out and show your papers..." Biker: "Isn't it enough if I open the Window?"
Not me, but the wife... works within and organisation with differently able children. One day, due to a typo, instead of typing "kind regards", she typed "kind retards" to a client (g and t are next to each other on the the keyboard)... i helped her setup an auto-sig shortly after.
I love these, and the comments too. I remember a long time ago when I was a student, we had to do on-the-spot literature translations (from German to English) in front of the entire group when selected by the lecturer. I got selected and started translating something which I think was supposed to include something like "The new wave of politicians, who believed in free spirit..." and I translated it as "The new wave of politicians, who believed in free loving..." My lecturer completely cracked up and couldn't compose himself, everyone in the lecture roared with laughter, and I went bright red!
I don't know why, it sounds like politicians to me
Load More Replies... The time I'm up in a conference room near the customer service dept. just joking around and I yell out something like, "Yea I can walk around like I own the place!" Annnnd that's right when the company owner comes swinging around the corner in through the doorway....
I was temporarily on switchboard (there was no one else), and new to the company when someone phoned, and introduced himself as "Surgeon"! OK, I have heard Doctor, Mister, but never Surgeon! Red face two minutes later, I was delaying contact with the Managing Director, and "Sir John!"
In the early 90's I was working at a car wash, it was the last car coming through at closing time and I was at the end wiping the cars down to get the excess water off that the blowers missed. I finished wiping the car down and came around to the drivers window to send her on her way and collect a tip if one was offered. She was nice and we chatted for a moment, I glanced down and noticed that she was easily 8 months along in her pregnancy so I asked when she was due, her pleasant disposition immediately changed to that of a demon from the 9th level of hell and she floored it out of the parking lot, turns out she called my boss the next day and she was upset that I made fun of her being fat.
The rule is never ask if someone is pregnant unless you see a small human emerging from their body.
Load More Replies... At a restaurant with some family. My Mom, my brother, and his husband. There was live music, it was loud. The waitress asked how we were, I said "I don't have a date" (she heard 'the onion rings are great') She replied "Good, Good" Only after the whole table just about fell on the floor laughing, did she figure out what I had said. We didn't see her for the rest of the night.
I was at a friends place and their dad had someone he was mentoring over. The person who he was mentoring was out on a day pass from jail for killing someone. Now bare in mind, I was only 12 at the time and didn't know this and as their dog was barking like crazy to come back into the house I said "She just wants to come in to make sure that your not being murdered". I have never heard a house go so completely silent before before my friends mom ushered me outside and explained the situation and who and why that man was at their house.
Wednesday, I was looking for a shareable size of reeses pieces for something to snack on while at work, and asked one of the older employees that I knew somewhat well if they still carried reeses penis. . . He handed me some from a box he was unloading and shelving, looked me dead in the eye and said "Ma'am, we have these, but you have to check out tinder if you meant something else." Never gonna be able to look him in the eye again.
One that happened to me, personally: Was meeting friends for a birthday lunch. Afterward, I was the last to get up. I pressed on the corner of the table to help myself up - I was the lucky millionth presser, I guess. It BROKE. I fell back into the table. I was covered in drinks, pasta, and shame. I have a picture somewhere of me wearing the salad bowl as a hat. ********** And here's one I overheard in public: I was sitting next to a mom and 4 year old in a mall eatery. Girl starts snooping through mom's bags. She discovered Victoria's Secret and held up a thong, examining it. Mom was too busy on her phone to notice until, the little girl said very loudly, "MOMMY, what's this??" Mom gasped and shoved them back in the bag, saying it was underwear. And the little girl, "Those aren't underwear. There's no butt." Mom said she knew.... by now, she's very red, fumbling for answers. The girl says, "You knew and still got them? Why would you buy broken underwear??"
I was working at a convenience store and a guy comes in and asks me for job papers. I said "You mean like an application?" Blank stare...No I mean JOB papers. Rolling papers... We had a good laugh.
Something that has happened to me multiple times. I cancel an appointment for not feeling well, they tell me to "get well!" and I answer you too. I always feel like a fool afterwards. Also have a tendency to say "good night" when people say things like good bye, good morning. =/
I was watching my 2 year old niece while my sister was deployed in Desert Storm. My boyfriend had a cool pocket watch and she loved it, I remember telling her it was a little clock. We had friends over and she said to my boyfriend "Uncle Jeff can I play with your little c**k?" 😖
Just thought of another one. My partner and I were attending a wedding overseas and it was taking place in a public park. We were struggling to find the actual wedding as the park was quite large and we were just wandering around aimlessly. We only knew the bride and groom so didn't want to call them (to ask the specific location within the park/directions). We then saw a smartly dressed lady and I approached her to ask if she was attending the wedding, she said yes, and we breathed a sigh of relief as she seemed to know where she was going. We walked around the park together, talking, and then we finally entered a little building where everyone was gathered waiting for the bride/groom/couple getting married. The lady eventually asked "So how do you know Javon and Jermaine?". We were at an entirely different wedding.
I really wish people would saying they're dumb for saying absent-minded stuff. You're not dumb, you're just not paying attention (which is fine, but you're not dumb for doing it).
I was saying goodbye to a group of 3 girls and one man, i kissed goodbye all the girls and, guess not to lose momentum, kissed thy guy as well
I've seen this happening couple of times, in Netherlands (before Corona, right) close friends and family kiss 3 times, so after some good time that goes like this as well.
Load More Replies... I lived in an apartment building when I was a kid. There was a new family that moved in, they had a kid our age. One day the was at the park (at our apt community), and other kids I knew were talking to him, etc. He quickly became a playground staple (along with he rest of us). Anyway, from that first day I heard the rest of the kids call him Fadian. They met him first, so that’s how I knew his name… So, I did as well, for months. Until one day at the pool, everyone was there, including Fadian’s mother… I proceeded to scream his name loud to get his attention (we were all playing some game in the pool or something)… and his mother looked at me with a death stare and sternly and loudly told me, “HIS NAME IS IAN!”😡 It took me a second… but I realized at that moment, the other kids weren’t calling him Fadian, they were calling him (Fat-Ian)…because the kid was over weight.🤦🏼♀️ I was screaming FAT- Ian across the pool area at an over weight kid… with his mom right there!😩😞
Oh, gotcha. In the UK many people refer to them as Rizlas, because that's the brand we have here. Silly me not realising!!
When I was waaaaaaay younger, my godfather once called me both to wish me a Happy New Year and a Happy Birthday (my birthday is on the 2nd of January) and I also wished him a happy birthday (his birthday was 5 days after mine) and I was so embarrassed that I was crying (again, I was, 8 or smth) and it took him telling a sobbing Rosie that it was alright and that I was in a way correct, for me to calm down.
