Gurnox
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flight-attendants-share-airline-industry-secrets
If you p**s off the cabin crew they will fart on you. The pressure on aircraft makes you naturally gassy and it's easy to puff one off in the face of an annoying git while bending down to speak to someone on the opposite side of the aisle.
wileybot reply
Count the seat backs to the closest exit. Good chance you won't be able to see in some types of accidents.
BowieBlueEye reply
Ex crew here, few interesting tidbits I remember. - Rubbish bags are referred to as gash bags. - If you're on a short or mid haul flight then most airlines just have an hour or so turnaround, for 'cleaning' and security checks, and the same crew will then man the flight home. - The 'cleaning' on these turnarounds isn't too thorough, a quick mop and Hoover is about it usually. Sometimes we went through with bug spray on certain routes. - It was fairly common for people to leave phones, tablets, wallets etc in seat pockets which we would then find during security checks on turnaround. We can't take them back to the base airport due to security so they get handed over to a dispatcher with paperwork. We've just got to hope the dispatcher doesn't pocket them. - Don't leave dirty nappies, used needles or anything else with bodily fluids in your seat pocket. You'd probably be surprised to find out how often this happens. Not only is it gross but it's also a health hazard. - That's not water on the floor in the bathroom, put your bloody shoes back on. - We know if you're having nookie in the bathroom, we can also open the doors, easily, from the outside. - You get pissed quicker on board due to the air pressure (or something) and we don't tolerate drunken b******t. It's not a bar, you don't just get thrown out by the bouncer. You get off loaded and possibly even black listed. If you're clearly steaming before we've even taken off then chances are you're not going to be going anywhere. - Safety and security is the first priority onboard. Your comfort and happiness is just an added bonus. - You haven't seen bad turbulence unless the overhead lockers have opened and you have bags falling down on top of you. - In the event of a decompression you only have a few seconds before your brain starts being starved of oxygen. Get your oxygen mask on pronto. - Do not inflate life jackets inside if the plane ditches in water. If the cabin starts to fill with water you'll be unable to swim down to the exit. - There's special straps in the cockpit and the chair moves back from the controller in case you need to tie the pilot up and move him away. - We have fire axes and extremely heavy emergency equipment on board and are to stop you entering the cockpit by 'any means necessary' - If you pay for 'extra legroom' then be aware that some of these seats are by uncrewed emergency exits. If you have a disability or require an extension seat belt then we will have to move you for safety purposes. - I crewed 737s and 757 aircrafts, short to midhaul, economy only. We took our breaks (when we could) in the tiny little galleys at the front and back of the aircraft. If you see those curtains pulled then please don't bother us unless it's actually an emergency. (Another beer IS NOT an emergency) None of these are probably that interesting. Edit: A few extras I thought I would add. - I still remember the order of priorities in survival situations by: Pilots Like Wet Fannys. (Protection, Location, Water, Food) - Colleagues of mine used to sell their stinky old used cabin shoes to foot fetishists on eBay. You can also sell your used, unwashed, tights. - To any fellow crew out there, if you find yourself in an emergency situation where fire is present, whip off your nylon tights so your legs don't go up in flames. - To any passengers out there, don't make the crew hate you. The farting thing mentioned in another comment is true.
NeverLetItRest reply
Going to the bar to get you a drink without you there to watch the bartender pour it. If I don't know you well, I won't accept a drink from your hands... Ever. Straight from the bartender to me.
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