Toothless
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I love How To Train Your Dragon and playing flute.
Toothless • upvoted 40 items 4 months ago
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
I bought the world's worst thesaurus today. Not only was it terrible, but it was also terrible.Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Two whales are drunk at a bar. One whale says... (make long whale coo-ing noises until everyone around you is pretty uncomfortable. Like I'm not shitting you, at least 1-2 full minutes of weird off pitch whale noises) The other whale says... (Do a deep inhale like you're about to make more weird whale noises and so that everyone around you almost gets pissed and unfriends you on Facebook) "Go home, Frank. You're drunk"Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow says to the second “ have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die”. The second cow replies “ good thing I‘m a helicopter”Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Courtesy of my daughter- What do you call a broken can opener? A can’t opener.Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
A Mexican magician told his audience he was going to vanish on the count of three. He counted, "Uno, dos..." and disappeared without a tres.Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
What's a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear sir, Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage. Sincerely, your service provider.Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? (Wait for them to say Rrrrrr) A: Yarr, yee’d think so, but me first love be the C!Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Why did Edward Woodward have so many ‘d’s in his name? Why? Because without them he'd have been called Ewar Woowar.Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.Show All 40 Upvotes
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Toothless • upvoted 20 items 4 months ago
Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
I bought the world's worst thesaurus today. Not only was it terrible, but it was also terrible.Jokes-So-Bad-Its-Good
Two whales are drunk at a bar. One whale says... (make long whale coo-ing noises until everyone around you is pretty uncomfortable. Like I'm not shitting you, at least 1-2 full minutes of weird off pitch whale noises) The other whale says... (Do a deep inhale like you're about to make more weird whale noises and so that everyone around you almost gets pissed and unfriends you on Facebook) "Go home, Frank. You're drunk"This Panda hasn't followed anyone yet