
Maggie Fariss
Community Member

This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.




Things-That-Made-People-Question-Their-Intelligence
I have a key fob for my car. It’s set up so that if you hit the lock button once, it locks the car. If you hit the same lock button again, it locks it again and honks the horn so you know you’ve locked it for sure. The thing is, I always want to make super sure that it’s locked, but sometimes I come home to my condo super late, and my parking spot is right under someone else’s window. I noticed that if the key fob was farther away from the car when I hit the button twice, the honk was not as loud. So out of consideration, I would always wait til I was halfway up the stairs to do the double lock honk. What a great neighbor I am! Anyway, after maybe 2+ years of doing this, one time my girlfriend and I were in my condo and I realized I needed something out of my car. So I go down there but when I get there I realize I had forgotten my keys. Well, I had my phone, so I called my girlfriend and asked if she would stick her arm out the window with the key fob and unlock my car. She mistakenly hit the lock button twice and my car honked. Really loudly! Even though she was all the way up on the third floor! It was only then I realized...the honk was always the same. It only sounded softer when I was farther away...because I was farther away. I have a master’s degree...
Someone Replaced Jurassic Park Dinosaurs With Ferrets, And This Version Is Probably Better Than The Original


People-Keep-Significant-Other-So-Secrets
That just about every year I have to text her brother to remind him it’s her birthday or he won’t even realize and never reach out to her. It upsets her that he forgot again, and I’ll usually let it go until late in the evening, and then shoot him a quick reminder. He’ll call her, she gets so excited he remembered and it means the world to her. It’s not about making him look good, it’s about making her happy.
People-Keep-Significant-Other-So-Secrets
My wife once did the joke: Why did the Chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house. Knock knock. Who's there? The Chicken. Over text with me. I "fell for it" because I knew it would make her happy. She loves talking about how she "got me" and it makes her so happy I can't bring myself to tell her I was the one who told her the joke in the first place.
People-Keep-Significant-Other-So-Secrets
Few years ago my wife lost her grandfather, was working a sh*tty job, and was developing some of the medical issues we're currently dealing with. One night I went out to start her car to warm it up before her shift, and found a parking ticket. Pocketed it, paid it, and tossed it without her knowing. She didn't need that on top of everything else.

People-Keep-Significant-Other-So-Secrets
My wife is a huge animal lover...volunteered at local shelters and such before our kids were born. One night years ago she was leaving work and outside the front door, she found a small bird, probably a sparrow, on the sidewalk. It didn't run or fly away so she assumed it was hurt. She ran back inside, got a box, and searched online for a bird rescue and found one about 20 to 30 min away. She drove the bird there, dropped it off, and they took her information because they said they would send her a card as a thank you. This was at least 6 or 7 years ago and she still brings it up every so often and remembers that they "never sent that card". They did send the card thanking her for bringing the bird in for help. The card also said they euthanized the bird because it had broken bones in its wing, maybe from being hit by a car in the parking lot. I read it and crammed the card deep into the trash because I didn't want her to get upset that the bird she tried so hard to help had to be euthanized.
People-Keep-Significant-Other-So-Secrets
The first Christmas after I got together with my partner, he brought me a beautiful opal necklace. He knew it was my favorite stone. I suspect he paid quite a bit. He's mad proud of the thing and loves to see me wear it. He told me that when he brought it he paid for a slightly smaller opal, and the shop worker accidentally grabbed the wrong one so he got an upgrade to a bigger opal for free! My partner also has a whole thing against fake stones in jewelry, thinks it tacky, horrible dishonest etc. Long story short, what he doesn't realize is that my beautiful opal IS fake. See I suspect he paid for a real opal. But he probably wasn't meant to see that *opps* when the shopworker grabbed the bigger one. I suspect they ran a little con on him, charged him for a smaller real one and grabbed the larger fake instead. He thought the accident was in his favor so he never complained. I only know 1) The play of color and size in the opal I have would have cost a small house deposit if it had been real and there is no way he brought that as a uni student when we first go together and 2) A real opal would never have stood up to the wear and tear I have put it though - I literally never take it off, it comes for me on runs, in the salt water, in the shower etc all things that would have destroyed a real opal many years ago. 3) A friend brought a pair of earrings that matched my necklace (not on purpose) and she confirmed that my necklace and her earrings made up the stores imitation opal birthstone set. I love that fu**ing stone. I don't wear much jewelery, but I haven't taken that necklace off in three years. I have literally told him that if we get married one day, I'm having the thing pulled off the necklace and set into a ring (thats gonna be an awkward conversation with a jeweler). If I told him he'd probably feel really bad about it and want to get me a replacement. But I love the stupid thing so I won't tell.

Common-Myths-Debunked
That the McDonald's hot coffee lawsuit was absurd and unjustified. That coffee wasn't just hot, it was HOT -- spilling it in her lap, which should've just ruined Stella Liebeck's pants and maybe given her first-degree burns, caused THIRD-degree burns and fused her genitals shut. She needed not only skin grafts but horrifyingly painful, expensive reconstructive surgery. When Liebeck initially contacted McDonald's, all she asked was that they cover her $20,000 hospital bills. They counter-offered for $800, so she took them to court. Even then, she didn't ask for punitive damages. The jury heard about McD's insulting counter-offer, and the fact that their coffee had seriously burned seven hundred people already (they damn well knew about the danger, they just didn't care), and were so incensed that they added the extra millions on their own. The only reason people think of that case as an example of sue-happy American culture gone wrong is that McDonald's poured millions into a smear campaign after the fact. If you ask me, it was actually our justice system working exactly as it should.
Common-Myths-Debunked
That medieval/ancient people only lived to be ~32 years old, and at that age, they were considered ancient. That estimate is an average, which means it accounts for high infant/child mortality. Lots of ancient people lived to their 80s and older. If you made it to 30, chances were good you would make it another 30+ years.
The belief that people from the past would be shocked to see somebody that's 60 or 70 years old is false. Average life expectancy isn't the same as maximum lifespan. While the average has greatly increased over the years because of advances in technology and better nutrition, the maximum has pretty much remained stable throughout.

Common-Myths-Debunked
That 'if you touch a baby bird, the parents will abandon/kill it.' In reality, most birds don't do that. If you help a baby bird back into its nest, as long as you try not to touch the nest a lot, then everything should be fine.
Papa and Mama birds don't recognize their young by their smell, explains All About Birds. So don't be afraid to put the tiny bird back in its nest. However, if the nest is destroyed, you can make a new one, put the chick inside, and wait to see if the parents come back. If they don't come back and you're absolutely sure that the chick would be alone, it's best to bring it to a wildlife rehabilitator.







Things-That-Made-People-Question-Their-Intelligence
I have a key fob for my car. It’s set up so that if you hit the lock button once, it locks the car. If you hit the same lock button again, it locks it again and honks the horn so you know you’ve locked it for sure. The thing is, I always want to make super sure that it’s locked, but sometimes I come home to my condo super late, and my parking spot is right under someone else’s window. I noticed that if the key fob was farther away from the car when I hit the button twice, the honk was not as loud. So out of consideration, I would always wait til I was halfway up the stairs to do the double lock honk. What a great neighbor I am! Anyway, after maybe 2+ years of doing this, one time my girlfriend and I were in my condo and I realized I needed something out of my car. So I go down there but when I get there I realize I had forgotten my keys. Well, I had my phone, so I called my girlfriend and asked if she would stick her arm out the window with the key fob and unlock my car. She mistakenly hit the lock button twice and my car honked. Really loudly! Even though she was all the way up on the third floor! It was only then I realized...the honk was always the same. It only sounded softer when I was farther away...because I was farther away. I have a master’s degree...
Someone Replaced Jurassic Park Dinosaurs With Ferrets, And This Version Is Probably Better Than The Original


People-Keep-Significant-Other-So-Secrets
That just about every year I have to text her brother to remind him it’s her birthday or he won’t even realize and never reach out to her. It upsets her that he forgot again, and I’ll usually let it go until late in the evening, and then shoot him a quick reminder. He’ll call her, she gets so excited he remembered and it means the world to her. It’s not about making him look good, it’s about making her happy.
People-Keep-Significant-Other-So-Secrets
My wife once did the joke: Why did the Chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house. Knock knock. Who's there? The Chicken. Over text with me. I "fell for it" because I knew it would make her happy. She loves talking about how she "got me" and it makes her so happy I can't bring myself to tell her I was the one who told her the joke in the first place.
People-Keep-Significant-Other-So-Secrets
Few years ago my wife lost her grandfather, was working a sh*tty job, and was developing some of the medical issues we're currently dealing with. One night I went out to start her car to warm it up before her shift, and found a parking ticket. Pocketed it, paid it, and tossed it without her knowing. She didn't need that on top of everything else.

People-Keep-Significant-Other-So-Secrets
My wife is a huge animal lover...volunteered at local shelters and such before our kids were born. One night years ago she was leaving work and outside the front door, she found a small bird, probably a sparrow, on the sidewalk. It didn't run or fly away so she assumed it was hurt. She ran back inside, got a box, and searched online for a bird rescue and found one about 20 to 30 min away. She drove the bird there, dropped it off, and they took her information because they said they would send her a card as a thank you. This was at least 6 or 7 years ago and she still brings it up every so often and remembers that they "never sent that card". They did send the card thanking her for bringing the bird in for help. The card also said they euthanized the bird because it had broken bones in its wing, maybe from being hit by a car in the parking lot. I read it and crammed the card deep into the trash because I didn't want her to get upset that the bird she tried so hard to help had to be euthanized.
People-Keep-Significant-Other-So-Secrets
The first Christmas after I got together with my partner, he brought me a beautiful opal necklace. He knew it was my favorite stone. I suspect he paid quite a bit. He's mad proud of the thing and loves to see me wear it. He told me that when he brought it he paid for a slightly smaller opal, and the shop worker accidentally grabbed the wrong one so he got an upgrade to a bigger opal for free! My partner also has a whole thing against fake stones in jewelry, thinks it tacky, horrible dishonest etc. Long story short, what he doesn't realize is that my beautiful opal IS fake. See I suspect he paid for a real opal. But he probably wasn't meant to see that *opps* when the shopworker grabbed the bigger one. I suspect they ran a little con on him, charged him for a smaller real one and grabbed the larger fake instead. He thought the accident was in his favor so he never complained. I only know 1) The play of color and size in the opal I have would have cost a small house deposit if it had been real and there is no way he brought that as a uni student when we first go together and 2) A real opal would never have stood up to the wear and tear I have put it though - I literally never take it off, it comes for me on runs, in the salt water, in the shower etc all things that would have destroyed a real opal many years ago. 3) A friend brought a pair of earrings that matched my necklace (not on purpose) and she confirmed that my necklace and her earrings made up the stores imitation opal birthstone set. I love that fu**ing stone. I don't wear much jewelery, but I haven't taken that necklace off in three years. I have literally told him that if we get married one day, I'm having the thing pulled off the necklace and set into a ring (thats gonna be an awkward conversation with a jeweler). If I told him he'd probably feel really bad about it and want to get me a replacement. But I love the stupid thing so I won't tell.
