Klaus B
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283 upvotes
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Klaus B • upvoted 40 items 3 years ago
My Roommate Is A Asshole, After Setting Off Security Alarms At The Doors Of Almost Every Store I Went To For 6 Months I Finally Found This Hidden In My Wallet
My Friend Works At A Movie Theater And Can Take The Cardboard Cutouts. I Have An Irreconcilable Fear Of Sharks. She Decided To Use Her Spare Key Privileges To Terrify Me Beyond Repair
Court Reports
LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? OTHER LAWYER: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.Court Reports
LAWYER: Are you married? WITNESS: No, I'm divorced. LAWYER: And what did your husband do before you divorced him? WITNESS: A lot of things I didn't know about.Court Reports
LAWYER: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question.Court Reports
LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man-- WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.Court Reports
LAWYER: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like? WITNESS: No. He was wearing a mask. LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask? WITNESS: Er...his face.Court Reports
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.Show All 40 Upvotes
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Klaus B • commented on 2 posts 3 years ago
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