Ellis
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Ellis • upvoted 7 items 3 months ago
People-Share-Most-Memorable-Comebacks
I like the one from Aliens where the male private asks the somewhat butch woman “have you ever been mistaken for a man?” And she answers “no. Have you?”
People-Share-Most-Memorable-Comebacks
5th-grader on the playground, to a kindergartener: "Santa's not real!" Kindergartner to 5th grader: "Santa's real, he brings me presents every year. If he doesnt bring you presents, maybe you should think about why."
People-Share-Most-Memorable-Comebacks
My dad and I were at a farming expo. I have a bunch of chickens. This presenter, a chicken-owning expert, is droning on about how stupid chickens are, and I'm getting annoyed. I know they're not clever, but you can teach them basic tricks. And even if they are stupid, okay, fine, but I came here to learn something, please. My dad, without missing a beat, after this woman says they're dumb for the fourth time: "I think chickens take on the personalities of their owners."People-Share-Most-Memorable-Comebacks
Whilst training in the British army we went out for a few drinks and every unit has that one Bell-end that thinks he's god's gift to women. Ours spots a really good looking girl at the bar, he announces to us all watch the master at work. He proceeds over to the bar next to the girl and says " I've got the biggest d*ck you'll ever see and will give you the time of your life." The girl responds as quick as a flash " is it really big?" He says yeah She asks if it reaches his a*s? Him being the as**ole that he is responds "of course it does" She comes back with "great you can go and f*ck yourself then." He ran off like his a*s was on fire and we all bought the girls drinks for the rest of the night and told her she was our hero.
People-Share-Most-Memorable-Comebacks
Saw this one on a medical sub awhile back: This woman has just given birth and tore a bit, and the father was in the delivery room while the nurse stitched her up. The father “jokingly” said, “Be sure and stitch her up nice and tight for me down there m lol” Without missing a beat the nurse said, “Just how small do you need it to be, sir?!” She was a legend on the floor for that lol
People-Share-Most-Memorable-Comebacks
I used to work with a very conservative, very angry older man who would get triggered if you did not agree with him. Like red face angry. He would always equate my age to being less intelligent than him. I forget what we were talking about . But he went on about how he was wiser given his age. I simply said if you’re so smart then why the hell are we both doing the same job? He did not have an answer for me. And then I felt bad afterwards for having said it.
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Ellis • upvoted 2 items 4 months ago
Customers-Mistaken-Employees-Stories
I drove a white 1982 Nissan Pulsar. It was ancient but no complaints. (Relevant, I promise). It's 7am, I'm driving to work one morning and pull up at a crosswalk to allow a dog walker to pass me. Without warning, my passenger door opens and a gentleman hops in next to me, nods, says a friendly hello and buckles his seatbelt. He was a sweet faced, white haired senior wearing a sweater and brown pants. Definitely in his 80's. I stared in shock and stumbled my words, totally bewildered by what was happening. He saw my expression and said "Oh! I'm sorry! The train station, please!" That's when I saw the taxi rank near the cross walk. Taxis here are white but definitely not hatchbacks, like my car was. He had a big cheery smile and, still puzzled, I realised that the local train station was two streets away from where I worked. I was heading past there anyway. And he didn't seem like an axe murderer so, why not? I relaxed a little, shrugged and said "Uh, sure thing." We drove off together and he peered out the window, smiling. He said "You taxis are much quicker these days! Ah it's a beautiful day for a train ride, don't you think?" He looked at me, still with this big smile and said: "I'm Jerry, lovely to meet you. I'm meeting my friend for breakfast today! I'm so excited. I haven't been on the train in years. All my friends have passed on and I don't really need to go out of town. Well, not until I made a new friend recently. It's funny how life goes isn't it? An old codger like me with a breakfast date! Can you imagine." "Oh well that sounds lovely, Jerry. Where are you off to?" He cheerily described the town he was visiting (an hour away by train) and described the store he wanted to visit while he was there. We chatted the whole way and I was so taken by how upbeat and cheerful he was. We pulled into the offloading zone outside the train station and he pulled out his wallet. I jumped in, saying "Oh no charge mate, I don't have my meter working yet." (Telling a lie was better than deflating his happy spirit with an embarrassing situation) He was chuffed. It was a chilly morning. I walked him to the ticket office, where there was a heated waiting room he could sit in until his train arrived. He thanked me, smiled and said "It's a beautiful day for a train ride. You take care now." "Take care, Jerry." It's been 11 years and I often find myself smiling when I remember him.
Customers-Mistaken-Employees-Stories
This happened several years ago. I was the night time charge nurse over the ICU. I’d just finished a 12 hour shift at my hospital that had turned into a 14 hour shift because of a rapid response right before shift change. (Patient responded well). I was exhausted and had to return for a 4th shift in 9 hours. All I wanted were some items to drop in the slow cooker so I’d have something to eat when I got up tonight. I stopped at a well known big box store that sells groceries, clothes, electronics.. the works. I’m wearing royal blue scrubs, a name badge with a big RN under it and forgot to take my stethoscope off so it’s hanging around my neck. The employees here... well... don’t. As I’m walking towards the store I see an elderly couple struggling to load a large box in their SUV parked at the front of the store. And I mean old. 90+ Shaky hands. Teetering around with limited mobility. The kind I see with a med list 3 pages long... no way would his hips take the weight without snapping... and I’ve worked enough tonight. I approach quickly and address the female half of the couple offering help. It was gladly accepted and I got their TV loaded with very little difficulty. It was more cumbersome than heavy. I’m chatting with the woman who is explaining it’s a gift for their son and her husband hadn’t wanted to wait for help. (I’d wondered why an employee wasn’t helping.). That’s when it happened. I will be RN. She will be EB for entitled b***h. EB: hey. Hey! Startled, We stop our conversation and look over. It’s a lady in her 50s dressed in a cheap looking beige pant suit with a get your manager hairstyle standing about 15 feet away with a hand on her overly broad hip. EB: IF you are ABOUT done. I need help over here. She then points to her cart with two boxes of bookshelves.. some assembly required. I realize she thinks I work here. RN: Oh Sorry. I don’t work... EB: You are already making me late! Just get it done! ...and DON’T scratch my paint up. The elderly lady and I exchange looks of disbelief and I try again. RN: I don’t work he... EB: Just get it done! She then steps away from her cart to grab her purse grumbling about “F*****g idiots” and is digging for her keys when the cart rolls further away and one wheel goes off the curb. The entire uneven load causes the cart to topple over. I instinctively jump forward to try to prevent everything from falling... I was unsuccessful. EB, who has now turned to see her particle board bookshelves spilled out on the cement. Corners of the boxes crushed and one has torn open with a few pieces and packaging now exposed. EB completely loses her s**t and becomes a raging thunderc*nt. EB: What the f**k! You f*****g moron! Pick them up! God dammit. F*****g... I’m going to have you fired! You owe me new bookshelves! And I’m late! At this point. I’m done. RN: Pick them up yourself! I Don’t Work Here! I then turn to go inside when I feel her grab my sleeve and try to yank me around. I jerk my sleeve out of out of grip and turn to face her now violently red face. She opens her mouth to start screaming again but I put my finger in her face and say... RN: No! Don’t touch me! Shut the hell up! I do not work here, and even if I did. I’d quit before I help you clean up your s**t! EB stands there speechless. Mouth opening and closing. Sputtering in shock that I’ve dared raise MY voice at HER. That’s when the manager and an employee come out. As EB sees the manager and finds her voice. EB: Are you the manager? This man damaged my bookshelves and is refusing to pay for them. I just stare in shock. Seriously?! Having realized that a man in bright blue scrubs with a stethoscope and a big RN badge really doesn’t work here. Instead of apologizing, she chooses to double down on the craziness and now accuses me of breaking her stuff. Before I can voice my denial the elderly gentleman I’d helped earlier steps in and explains the situation to the manager. EB is still voicing complaints but the manager realizes the real situation and apologizes to me and the couple. I’m still standing by watching angrily as the manager deals with EB and inspects the bookshelves. They are not damaged. He offers her two new boxes but EB is now done with the whole situation. She says no. She’s already to late because of me. Just glares over at me and says to the manager EB: Just load them. I’m already late enough because of this! The manager and employee then lift the boxes up and get them wedged into the ladies car. As I shake my head and go to enter the store I’m stopped by the elderly lady I’d helped earlier. Lady: Sir. Thank you so much for helping us with the TV. I’m so sorry some people are so rude. She then reaches for my hand to shake. As she folds both her fragile hands around mine, I can feel something in her palm she’s giving me. Lady whispering: Don’t look yet. Wait till she leaves. I slide the package into my scrub pocket and Lady walks away. EB then gets in her car and (without apologizing or thanking anyone) peels out and drives away. I finally enter the store to grab my food items and when I reach in my pocket I pull out a plastic bag with a bunch of screws and hardware. I realize immediately that the sweet little old lady took advantage of the commotion to steal the hardware out of EB’s ripped box. I couldn’t believe it. I had the biggest grin on my face as I did my shopping. And I have a new petty revenge hero to idolize. Ellis • upvoted 2 items 10 months ago
Ellis • upvoted an item 2 years ago
Ellis • upvoted 27 items 3 years ago
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Ellis • commented on 14 posts 4 years ago
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Ellis • upvoted 7 items 3 months ago
People-Share-Most-Memorable-Comebacks
I like the one from Aliens where the male private asks the somewhat butch woman “have you ever been mistaken for a man?” And she answers “no. Have you?”People-Share-Most-Memorable-Comebacks
5th-grader on the playground, to a kindergartener: "Santa's not real!" Kindergartner to 5th grader: "Santa's real, he brings me presents every year. If he doesnt bring you presents, maybe you should think about why."People-Share-Most-Memorable-Comebacks
My dad and I were at a farming expo. I have a bunch of chickens. This presenter, a chicken-owning expert, is droning on about how stupid chickens are, and I'm getting annoyed. I know they're not clever, but you can teach them basic tricks. And even if they are stupid, okay, fine, but I came here to learn something, please. My dad, without missing a beat, after this woman says they're dumb for the fourth time: "I think chickens take on the personalities of their owners."People-Share-Most-Memorable-Comebacks
Whilst training in the British army we went out for a few drinks and every unit has that one Bell-end that thinks he's god's gift to women. Ours spots a really good looking girl at the bar, he announces to us all watch the master at work. He proceeds over to the bar next to the girl and says " I've got the biggest d*ck you'll ever see and will give you the time of your life." The girl responds as quick as a flash " is it really big?" He says yeah She asks if it reaches his a*s? Him being the as**ole that he is responds "of course it does" She comes back with "great you can go and f*ck yourself then." He ran off like his a*s was on fire and we all bought the girls drinks for the rest of the night and told her she was our hero.People-Share-Most-Memorable-Comebacks
Saw this one on a medical sub awhile back: This woman has just given birth and tore a bit, and the father was in the delivery room while the nurse stitched her up. The father “jokingly” said, “Be sure and stitch her up nice and tight for me down there m lol” Without missing a beat the nurse said, “Just how small do you need it to be, sir?!” She was a legend on the floor for that lolPeople-Share-Most-Memorable-Comebacks
I used to work with a very conservative, very angry older man who would get triggered if you did not agree with him. Like red face angry. He would always equate my age to being less intelligent than him. I forget what we were talking about . But he went on about how he was wiser given his age. I simply said if you’re so smart then why the hell are we both doing the same job? He did not have an answer for me. And then I felt bad afterwards for having said it. Ellis • upvoted 2 items 4 months ago
Customers-Mistaken-Employees-Stories
I drove a white 1982 Nissan Pulsar. It was ancient but no complaints. (Relevant, I promise). It's 7am, I'm driving to work one morning and pull up at a crosswalk to allow a dog walker to pass me. Without warning, my passenger door opens and a gentleman hops in next to me, nods, says a friendly hello and buckles his seatbelt. He was a sweet faced, white haired senior wearing a sweater and brown pants. Definitely in his 80's. I stared in shock and stumbled my words, totally bewildered by what was happening. He saw my expression and said "Oh! I'm sorry! The train station, please!" That's when I saw the taxi rank near the cross walk. Taxis here are white but definitely not hatchbacks, like my car was. He had a big cheery smile and, still puzzled, I realised that the local train station was two streets away from where I worked. I was heading past there anyway. And he didn't seem like an axe murderer so, why not? I relaxed a little, shrugged and said "Uh, sure thing." We drove off together and he peered out the window, smiling. He said "You taxis are much quicker these days! Ah it's a beautiful day for a train ride, don't you think?" He looked at me, still with this big smile and said: "I'm Jerry, lovely to meet you. I'm meeting my friend for breakfast today! I'm so excited. I haven't been on the train in years. All my friends have passed on and I don't really need to go out of town. Well, not until I made a new friend recently. It's funny how life goes isn't it? An old codger like me with a breakfast date! Can you imagine." "Oh well that sounds lovely, Jerry. Where are you off to?" He cheerily described the town he was visiting (an hour away by train) and described the store he wanted to visit while he was there. We chatted the whole way and I was so taken by how upbeat and cheerful he was. We pulled into the offloading zone outside the train station and he pulled out his wallet. I jumped in, saying "Oh no charge mate, I don't have my meter working yet." (Telling a lie was better than deflating his happy spirit with an embarrassing situation) He was chuffed. It was a chilly morning. I walked him to the ticket office, where there was a heated waiting room he could sit in until his train arrived. He thanked me, smiled and said "It's a beautiful day for a train ride. You take care now." "Take care, Jerry." It's been 11 years and I often find myself smiling when I remember him.Customers-Mistaken-Employees-Stories
This happened several years ago. I was the night time charge nurse over the ICU. I’d just finished a 12 hour shift at my hospital that had turned into a 14 hour shift because of a rapid response right before shift change. (Patient responded well). I was exhausted and had to return for a 4th shift in 9 hours. All I wanted were some items to drop in the slow cooker so I’d have something to eat when I got up tonight. I stopped at a well known big box store that sells groceries, clothes, electronics.. the works. I’m wearing royal blue scrubs, a name badge with a big RN under it and forgot to take my stethoscope off so it’s hanging around my neck. The employees here... well... don’t. As I’m walking towards the store I see an elderly couple struggling to load a large box in their SUV parked at the front of the store. And I mean old. 90+ Shaky hands. Teetering around with limited mobility. The kind I see with a med list 3 pages long... no way would his hips take the weight without snapping... and I’ve worked enough tonight. I approach quickly and address the female half of the couple offering help. It was gladly accepted and I got their TV loaded with very little difficulty. It was more cumbersome than heavy. I’m chatting with the woman who is explaining it’s a gift for their son and her husband hadn’t wanted to wait for help. (I’d wondered why an employee wasn’t helping.). That’s when it happened. I will be RN. She will be EB for entitled b***h. EB: hey. Hey! Startled, We stop our conversation and look over. It’s a lady in her 50s dressed in a cheap looking beige pant suit with a get your manager hairstyle standing about 15 feet away with a hand on her overly broad hip. EB: IF you are ABOUT done. I need help over here. She then points to her cart with two boxes of bookshelves.. some assembly required. I realize she thinks I work here. RN: Oh Sorry. I don’t work... EB: You are already making me late! Just get it done! ...and DON’T scratch my paint up. The elderly lady and I exchange looks of disbelief and I try again. RN: I don’t work he... EB: Just get it done! She then steps away from her cart to grab her purse grumbling about “F*****g idiots” and is digging for her keys when the cart rolls further away and one wheel goes off the curb. The entire uneven load causes the cart to topple over. I instinctively jump forward to try to prevent everything from falling... I was unsuccessful. EB, who has now turned to see her particle board bookshelves spilled out on the cement. Corners of the boxes crushed and one has torn open with a few pieces and packaging now exposed. EB completely loses her s**t and becomes a raging thunderc*nt. EB: What the f**k! You f*****g moron! Pick them up! God dammit. F*****g... I’m going to have you fired! You owe me new bookshelves! And I’m late! At this point. I’m done. RN: Pick them up yourself! I Don’t Work Here! I then turn to go inside when I feel her grab my sleeve and try to yank me around. I jerk my sleeve out of out of grip and turn to face her now violently red face. She opens her mouth to start screaming again but I put my finger in her face and say... RN: No! Don’t touch me! Shut the hell up! I do not work here, and even if I did. I’d quit before I help you clean up your s**t! EB stands there speechless. Mouth opening and closing. Sputtering in shock that I’ve dared raise MY voice at HER. That’s when the manager and an employee come out. As EB sees the manager and finds her voice. EB: Are you the manager? This man damaged my bookshelves and is refusing to pay for them. I just stare in shock. Seriously?! Having realized that a man in bright blue scrubs with a stethoscope and a big RN badge really doesn’t work here. Instead of apologizing, she chooses to double down on the craziness and now accuses me of breaking her stuff. Before I can voice my denial the elderly gentleman I’d helped earlier steps in and explains the situation to the manager. EB is still voicing complaints but the manager realizes the real situation and apologizes to me and the couple. I’m still standing by watching angrily as the manager deals with EB and inspects the bookshelves. They are not damaged. He offers her two new boxes but EB is now done with the whole situation. She says no. She’s already to late because of me. Just glares over at me and says to the manager EB: Just load them. I’m already late enough because of this! The manager and employee then lift the boxes up and get them wedged into the ladies car. As I shake my head and go to enter the store I’m stopped by the elderly lady I’d helped earlier. Lady: Sir. Thank you so much for helping us with the TV. I’m so sorry some people are so rude. She then reaches for my hand to shake. As she folds both her fragile hands around mine, I can feel something in her palm she’s giving me. Lady whispering: Don’t look yet. Wait till she leaves. I slide the package into my scrub pocket and Lady walks away. EB then gets in her car and (without apologizing or thanking anyone) peels out and drives away. I finally enter the store to grab my food items and when I reach in my pocket I pull out a plastic bag with a bunch of screws and hardware. I realize immediately that the sweet little old lady took advantage of the commotion to steal the hardware out of EB’s ripped box. I couldn’t believe it. I had the biggest grin on my face as I did my shopping. And I have a new petty revenge hero to idolize. Ellis • upvoted 2 items 10 months ago
Ellis • upvoted an item 2 years ago
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