Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l
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Norwegian bored panda.
Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l • upvoted 2 items 2 days ago
Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l • upvoted 5 items 3 days ago
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Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l • upvoted 5 items 1 week ago
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Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l • upvoted 9 items 1 week ago
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Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l • upvoted 10 items 2 weeks ago
Hey Pandas, What Is The Darkest Secret Your Family Has?
At twenty-one, when I asked my mother why I had no siblings, she confided that I had actually been born a twin and my brother had died because I "choked him" with my umbilical cord. She said I must never tell anyone or mention it to my father because he was still upset "that it was the boy who had died". I had wanted a brother or sister all my life so was deeply sad and felt incredibly guilty to the point where I unsuccessfully attempted to end my life. (There was other stuff going on too - death of my boyfriend of five years - so I was already in a dark place.) Years later when I was carrying my own twins I began to realise that parts of her story seemed unusual and looked into my birth records. And here's the darkest bit - it turns out there never was a twin. I never confronted her.
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Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l • upvoted 7 items 3 weeks ago
Hey Pandas, What Is The Darkest Secret Your Family Has?
If you met my dad, you’d think he was a soft faced and gentle old doctor and a pretty cool guy for acting young, being a good father, living to fish and drink beer, and being willing to build you a deck. You’d think he loved God by the way he talks. Well, he’s a p***phile who spent my childhood grooming me. He exposed himself at me every day when I was little, and got unusually jealous whenever I showed a little skin in public as a teenager. The way he hugged and kissed me was creepy, and I was afraid to say no. He told me my developing body was making me more likely to be “sold into white slavery and a** r*ped” and that I’d be r*ped by strange men if I showed my shoulders or danced. Yeah, he was racist and sexist. And as a young adult who still didn’t understand, he apologized convincingly, then began using me to emotionally cheat on the wife he hates, treating me like a girlfriend. And then he’d try controlling me financially when I lost my job. He also beat, intimidated, and controlled my mother, who then took out her frustration on me. She told me I was ugly every chance she got. He told everyone that she was the crazy one. He wouldn’t let her have a job. He was verbally, emotionally, psychologically, financially, and sexually abusive to an extreme level, to the point I developed DID and nearly 60 alters as a result of how he treated all of us. When his wife got into an affair with a man who gave her a little escape, he cheated in revenge with a woman who had the same name as himself. Textbook narcissist womanizer. Then he cheated with a woman who was hideous, just because pitying her made him feel better about himself. Being her “hero” made him feel better about himself. She was none the wiser that it wasn’t her he was cheating for. He blamed my mother for the entire divorce. My mother wasn’t innocent, either. She brainwashed me like the fricken winter soldier. Used me as a weapon in the divorce. I really thought it was my fault. So I falsely confessed the divorce was my fault. As if a thirteen year old with autism could be a proficient manipulator. And he never stopped hating me. I was already the black sheep, but now it was so much worse. He often called me by my mother’s name when angry. He k***ed my pets on purpose. He kept buying pets, waiting for me to get attached, and then k***ed them. Over a hundred of them. I eventually stopped getting attached. I had nobody. When I finally understood that I was being mocked by my friends at school, I was alone. I cut everyone out to protect myself, and spent six years in isolation. He blamed me for all the bullying. Daily, he would say things so vile and cruel that I had to dissociate. When I told the school counselor I was s*****al, he showed up all goody two shoes to fix his reputation, and then when I got home, he called me things I wouldn’t repeat, and his new wife called me a traitor. His second wife had a vile, mannerless, cruel son, and I had to come home to the school bully every day. He and his two brothers would gang up on me. Then the kid did something messed up on a whole different level. He and his brothers cornered me in the garage. He did the unpardonable sin, and led the other two to do it, too. Basically eternal murder-s**ide before my eyes. He was disappointed when I wouldn’t follow suit. But basically, I’ll never have a brother in heaven, which is my waking nightmare. When I found Christ, my parents became more and more cruel, and I just tried to be a good child despite it. When he wasn’t preoccupied with making my life a living hell, he just drank a lot of alcohol and avoided me. When he felt guilty, he’d buy gifts I don’t want I at of be there for me, listen to me, or God-forbid apologize. I suffer from DID, PTSD, self loathing, depression, anxiety, anger issues, social anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, and chronic insomnia. Nobody believed me or tried to save me for 21 years. So I cut him out, but he still harasses me. I wish I was never born.
Hey Pandas, What Is The Darkest Secret Your Family Has?
If you met my dad, you’d think he was a soft faced and gentle old doctor and a pretty cool guy for acting young, being a good father, living to fish and drink beer, and being willing to build you a deck. You’d think he loved God by the way he talks. Well, he’s a p***phile who spent my childhood grooming me. He exposed himself at me every day when I was little, and got unusually jealous whenever I showed a little skin in public as a teenager. The way he hugged and kissed me was creepy, and I was afraid to say no. He told me my developing body was making me more likely to be “sold into white slavery and a** r*ped” and that I’d be r*ped by strange men if I showed my shoulders or danced. Yeah, he was racist and sexist. And as a young adult who still didn’t understand, he apologized convincingly, then began using me to emotionally cheat on the wife he hates, treating me like a girlfriend. And then he’d try controlling me financially when I lost my job. He also beat, intimidated, and controlled my mother, who then took out her frustration on me. She told me I was ugly every chance she got. He told everyone that she was the crazy one. He wouldn’t let her have a job. He was verbally, emotionally, psychologically, financially, and sexually abusive to an extreme level, to the point I developed DID and nearly 60 alters as a result of how he treated all of us. When his wife got into an affair with a man who gave her a little escape, he cheated in revenge with a woman who had the same name as himself. Textbook narcissist womanizer. Then he cheated with a woman who was hideous, just because pitying her made him feel better about himself. Being her “hero” made him feel better about himself. She was none the wiser that it wasn’t her he was cheating for. He blamed my mother for the entire divorce. My mother wasn’t innocent, either. She brainwashed me like the fricken winter soldier. Used me as a weapon in the divorce. I really thought it was my fault. So I falsely confessed the divorce was my fault. As if a thirteen year old with autism could be a proficient manipulator. And he never stopped hating me. I was already the black sheep, but now it was so much worse. He often called me by my mother’s name when angry. He k***ed my pets on purpose. He kept buying pets, waiting for me to get attached, and then k***ed them. Over a hundred of them. I eventually stopped getting attached. I had nobody. When I finally understood that I was being mocked by my friends at school, I was alone. I cut everyone out to protect myself, and spent six years in isolation. He blamed me for all the bullying. Daily, he would say things so vile and cruel that I had to dissociate. When I told the school counselor I was s*****al, he showed up all goody two shoes to fix his reputation, and then when I got home, he called me things I wouldn’t repeat, and his new wife called me a traitor. His second wife had a vile, mannerless, cruel son, and I had to come home to the school bully every day. He and his two brothers would gang up on me. Then the kid did something messed up on a whole different level. He and his brothers cornered me in the garage. He did the unpardonable sin, and led the other two to do it, too. Basically eternal murder-s**ide before my eyes. He was disappointed when I wouldn’t follow suit. But basically, I’ll never have a brother in heaven, which is my waking nightmare. When I found Christ, my parents became more and more cruel, and I just tried to be a good child despite it. When he wasn’t preoccupied with making my life a living hell, he just drank a lot of alcohol and avoided me. When he felt guilty, he’d buy gifts I don’t want I at of be there for me, listen to me, or God-forbid apologize. I suffer from DID, PTSD, self loathing, depression, anxiety, anger issues, social anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, and chronic insomnia. Nobody believed me or tried to save me for 21 years. So I cut him out, but he still harasses me. I wish I was never born.
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Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l • commented on 2 posts 3 weeks ago
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Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l • upvoted 5 items 23 hours ago
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Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l • upvoted 7 items 6 days ago
Animals, Cats
Thanks To All Pandas, We've Been Able To Help Thousands Of Animals Across War-Torn Ukraine And Here's Your Funds In Action
Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l • upvoted 6 items 1 week ago
Belle_Pandamonium🇧🇻l • 37 followers
