arlo :))
Community Member
2 posts
3 comments
2.8K upvotes
39 points
I like books, music, and everything funny :)) P.S. i'm totally down to be besties
arlo :)) • upvoted 6 items 1 week ago
Wonderful_Whereas402 reply
I was walking along 10th street in Brooklyn when a man walked by on his phone and all I caught of his conversation was "I don't know, I've never owned a f*****g giraffe before."Accurate_Western_346 reply
"Can't you see I'm blind?" "No because I'm blind too!" Two blind men before laughing their a**es off after bumping into each other.Show All 6 Upvotes
arlo :)) • upvoted an item 3 weeks ago
arlo :)) • upvoted 33 items 1 month ago
Tom_Marto reply
My fiance loves to sing around the house - but only when I'm not there or can't hear. She has the most beautiful voice and incredible vocal ability. My secret? When I have my headphones on around the house, she'll sometimes call out to me and I'll pretend I can't hear her at all. She'll often start singing and I turn my headphones off so I can hear her properly. It's been 4 years and she still doesn't know that I purposely ignore her so I can listen to her singing.Thecuriousgal94 reply
I had a “best friend” that would humiliate me in front of groups of friends. One night he decided to do it in front of the guy I had just started dating, sharing really embarrassing/personal stories and wouldn’t stop. Everyone was laughing. I went into the bathroom and scrubbed the toilet with his toothbrush. Have never told a soul about that.confusedhuskynoises reply
Sometimes I tighten jar lids and ask my husband to help me open them. Or I’ll push something just out of my reach if it’s on a high shelf then ask him to grab it for me. I love when he helps me, and I know he loves to do small things for me.unicornbirth reply
I’ve tried to off myself several times before, I have “ letters” hidden everywhere to my husband and my kids and my mom and siblings. I started Zoloft because of it, I had developed a panic disorder about three years ago and no one would take me seriously when i would try to talk about it, other than my husband, I started Zoloft for my anxiety, but in reality I started it so i would stay alive for my husband and my children, and it’s been 4 months in, and the past two weeks I’ve actually felt happy, like excited about living instead of the opposite.BarnacleMcBarndoor reply
Im in love with my best friend. I told her two years ago that I wanted to take her on actual date, and she told me she just wanted to be friends. After that’s It was a couple weeks of her not really talking to me and then unfortunately she had an accident. The accidentally resulted in problems partially impacting both long and short term memory. I didn’t ask if she remembered our conversation. And we more or less went back to the way things were, other than her telling me the same adorable stories over and over again, multiple times a week.FirmlyThatGuy reply
I’ve been secretly trying to make my daughter’s first word “momma” because I know it will make my wife unimaginably happy. She’s doing well with the coaching so I think I’ve got a shot!Able-Badger-1713 reply
I have told a few people. But it’s limited. I am a CSA victim and my abuser made national news twice for the video she took of us boys, not the physical abuse. Police didn’t investigate properly, and when I went to make a report 30 years after the abuse the cop at reception was a hostile, rude aggressive man. I walked out actually crying. The cop quit his job 2 weeks into his investigation. But that cop literally broke me soul. I don’t feel strong enough to open up about my abuse and how hard it’s been being let down by police at every step. 🤷♂️ .Killer_Kass reply
A few years ago my dads truck was broken into and he lost all of his rings (he had several silver rings, would take them off to drive bc the wheel rubbing on the rings was iritating. Forgot them in the truck one day and they were all stolen). My dad is not the type to accept gifts, especially if it's a replacement for something that was lost due to his own error. Over the years, I've been slowly replacing them. I'll save up, buy a ring that looks similar to one of the old ones, and then I'll either claim I found it somewhere or leave it for him to find. I replaced 2 by pretending I found them in the snow while out shoveling. Months later I left one outside our front door for him to find. It makes him SO happy everytime one is found. I hope he never finds out I am the one leaving them lol.CTnaturist reply
I pointed a gun at my stepmom's abusive boyfriend when he was sleeping and couldn't pull the trigger.ItinerantAvenger reply
Back when we were dating, my wife found out I'd never had a surprise birthday party before. She *really* wanted to throw one for me, which I was okay with. Only one problem: it never worked. She'd try almost every year, try throwing surprise parties for other occasions. Each time, as she was planning stuff, I'd pick up on some discrepancy in her cover story, or pick up on something that a friend said, ask about it, and she'd be unable to cover it. Then finally, after years and years of this, she pulled it off. She was delighted and so proud that she at last managed to surprise me. She's talked about it for years, about how close I came to uncovering it. It made her so happy, and it was a lot of fun. Except what actually happened is I finally managed to be quick enough putting the pieces together to stop myself before I asked about the discrepancy in her cover story. Played dumb, pretended I had no idea. Acted surprised when the day came. She will never know.ksozay reply
Sometimes I get up in the morning, shower, get ready, and then get back into bed and pretend to be sleeping just so my daughter can run into our room and wake me up. She's 7, and still loves waking me up in the morning to get my day started by seeing her face first. I pray that I will never know a day that doesn't start like this.Throwaway3223444 reply
I saw a bird shoplifting ring? A sea-gull walked into greggs and stole a packed of crisps (after looking through them all) and walked out, delivered it to another seagull who gave it to another one who opened it and they then all shared the crisps.WhatsLeftOfUs reply
Snoop Dogg on Chatroulette. It was only for a second but I'm convinced it was him.bigstar3 reply
In 1997, I was 17. I was driving my gf at the time home late at night and we are sitting at a stoplight on an overpass above a freeway. An 80's dodge omni comes flying up to the light across from us and barely comes to a stop while the light is still red. I look across at the driver and he looks panicked and frazzled, and I look over at the passenger and that's when s**t got real. There was a girl with duct tape wrapped around her face and shoulders. Her hair was all f****d up and she was crying. It took me a few seconds to even process what I was seeing. I looked at my gf and she looked at me and she burst out crying and said "WTF is going on in that car?" No sooner do I look back, the guy has already turned the wrong way onto a one-way street of the service drive of the freeway (in Michigan, it's common for north-bound freeway traffic to have a north-bound local road along the side of the freeway, for which he'd turned south). I freaked the f**k out. I threw my car in reverse. I tried backtracking and flying down city streets to catch up with him. We did see him at one point in time hit a turn around onto 8 mile, he didn't have a plate on his car. I hurried up and went home (I was only about a half mile from where we were when we saw him hit the turn around). I rushed in and called the cops while my gf frantically tried telling my mom what we saw. The cops came. They took our story. There was never a missing persons story that matched what we said. My mom never quite believed us. It was written off as two teens with overactive imaginations. I know wtf I saw. I'm a man in my 30's and I'll never forget the look on that girl's face. The crazy in that guy's eyes. My gf (who later became my wife, now ex) remembers it vividly, too. That was one of the most f****d up nights of both of our lives.yourboyvlado reply
I don't know how many people I have told this but nobody believes me but honestly I understand why. When I was around 8 years old I was on vacation in Europe and I was at the zoo with my cousin and she got my some helium shark balloon. When we were getting into the car i let go of the balloon for some reason and watched it float away into the sky. Devastated I tried to forget all about it. About two weeks later I continued my vacation and went to my moms village about 700km away. The first day in my moms family home we go for a walk around the property and in the corner of the field I see it. My shark balloon floated into my very own backyard to find me again.steelear reply
Sometime in the early 2000s my wife and I went to an Eminem concert at the House of Blues on Sunset in LA (yes I know they are tearing it down and it sucks, I saw a lot of great shows there, including his royal purple badness). Anyway the entire show, maybe 90 minutes, there was a guy dancing on stage in a full mummy suit and he is doing really awkward and funny dances that you wouldn't expect from a background dancer at a rap concert but hey he's in a mummy suit so whatever. The show ends and Eminem screams into the mic "Do y'all wanna know who the m***a f****n mummy is?" and the crowd cheers and he screams "Dustin m***a f****n Hoffman!" He pulls a zipper in the back of the costume and out comes an extremely sweaty 60something year old Dustin Hoffman and the crowd goes into a stunned silence for a few seconds and then erupts in cheers. My wife and I just kinda looked at each other in disbelief and when I tell people they always say something like oh it must have just been someone found that looked like him but that guy was Dustin m***a f****n Hoffman and no I have no proof.Kirby420_ reply
I had just applied to a job at a gas station on a major interstate route in the US, and I was leaving the lobby of the rest area building. When I pushed the door open and walked out, I saw a seagull take flight from the top of a lamp post on the far side of the parking lot, which was shaped like a rectangle, with the building at one of the skinny ends. The only reason it caught my eye was because the parking lot was empty save 1 or 2 cars besides mine, and it was like my pushing the door open also pushed a button to trigger the bird to take off, the timing was perfect. So I'm walking down the sidewalk, and I'm watching this seagull fly in my general direction following the edge of the lot, when it gets to the corner and turns so it's going to fly *directly* over me. I think to myself "No way...." and sure as s**t, (heh. heh.) I see this seagull drop one in midair just before it gets to me. It's flying a good 20ish feet in the air, so I simply sidestep and watch as this giant blob of bird s**t liquid splats down on the ground, perfectly where I was. So this seagull saw me walk out the door, and instantly decided it was going to try s**t on me.anon reply
Before my sister was born, my parents found a kitten. They decided to keep it, because they could find no owner. Named her Princess. Anyway, my sister is 4 years older than I am. We both grew up with this cat. She'd sometimes follow us and watch over us. My parents used to make jokes about how she thought of us as her kittens. Now, my sister wasn't very nice to me. It took a lot of people a lot of time to realise she wasn't just nasty; it was full on abuse and bullying. My sister is a narcissist, but that's not what you need to know. When I was too young to understand what was happening, I used to talk to Princess. She was like my version of a diary; I'd sit with this creature that was older than I was and tell her all my problems. One day at a store, my mum told us she'd buy us each a lolly. My sister wanted a different one to me, and grabbed my arm and clawed her nails down it so hard it drew blood. Hurt a lot and I was really upset. When we got home I went and cried to Princess about how scared I'd felt. After a while I calmed down and went and played with my toys. Princess ambled out of the room. A few minutes later I heard a shriek and she ambled back in. Turns out she'd walked up and scratched my sisters hand, then hissed at her before coming back to sit with me, and watch over me playing with my toys. My parents assume that my sister provoked her, but I know. She walked out of the room right after I'd been talking to her, and walked in right after the shriek. I can't prove it, but I think Princess saw how scared I was and showed me that she'd protect me. I've never told anybody about my white and grey guardian apart from my currant cat. I haven't thought about Princess in a while. She lived to be between 19 and 21, depending on how old she was when my parents got her (she lived with them for 19 years; was around two when they found her). I loved that cat. Funnily enough, my new cat was originally my sisters. She got him, then left him with my parents, and he slowly became mine. He likes to sit with me more than he likes her.klitchell reply
I've had glasses since the third grade. I was playing tackle football with friends after school (I wasn't wearing glasses), tackled one of my friends, really big collision, for a second I regained full eyesight...then I blinked and it was gone again.anon reply
When I was 5 I woke up from my sleep and saw a man sitting on the stairs watching me. I wasn't scared though. There was something tranquil about it. I just watched him and he watched me for what seemed like 10 minutes. Then all of a sudden he was gone. A few days later I found out my dad was killed in Europe. I live in Canada and my parents were seperated. There's pictures of me with him when I was just born but he left shortly after that. To this day, that is the only memory that I have of my dad. A ghost watching over me. I don't believe in ghosts but I know what I saw. I've never told anyone before except my mom.discogeek reply
I was at my mom's side when she passed away. I swear, seconds before she departed, I heard her and my grandmother (who had died in the 80s) behind me. Mom said "I really look awful," and Grandma said "It's time to go." I turned around but the sun was coming in through the window so a little bright. It was at that very moment that mom passed away.RabidRoosters reply
I saw my neighbor walking down the road in a red party dress around 3am. I wasn't f****d up or on anything. He denies it and the rest of the neighborhood thinks I'm making it up. I saw you Tim. You and I both know.WolfGirl94 reply
In 1994, on a farm in the southern Midwest US, five year old me had this huge yellow lab, sweetest dog in the world, who one day suddenly lost her s**t barking and ran outside. Being 5, I followed her and watched her run out into the cow pasture (where the cows were suspiciously nowhere in sight) and went toe to toe with a f*****g grey wolf. That area at that time was definitely not wolf country. Coyote sure, but there is no way it was a coyote. Thing towered over my lab, and I'd seen plenty enough coyotes before to know that this thing was not that. My lab barked her damn head off right in his face, and after about a minute he tilted his head and then just turned around and disappeared into the woods. Found all the cows at the opposite end of the pasture circled around the two calves we had. They were never that terrified of coyotes, and they had no fear of domestic dogs (my lab literally climbed over them when they laid down and would tug on their tails - cows gave no f***s). I will go to my damn grave saying it was a wolf I saw, but nobody believes me of course. I've spent years researching wolves and wolf hybrids but every picture I've seen of both the animal and the paw prints he left behind says it was very very very much more wolf than coyote or dog or even a mix.Show All 33 Upvotes
arlo :)) • submitted 2 new posts 2 years ago
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arlo :)) • commented on a post 11 months ago
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arlo :)) • commented on a post 2 years ago
arlo :)) • upvoted 6 items 1 week ago
Wonderful_Whereas402 reply
I was walking along 10th street in Brooklyn when a man walked by on his phone and all I caught of his conversation was "I don't know, I've never owned a f*****g giraffe before."PhysiologyIsPhun reply
Guy next to me at a urinal farted once and loudly says "sometimes when it rains it thunders". I stole it. arlo :)) • upvoted an item 3 weeks ago
arlo :)) • upvoted 13 items 1 month ago
FirmlyThatGuy reply
I’ve been secretly trying to make my daughter’s first word “momma” because I know it will make my wife unimaginably happy. She’s doing well with the coaching so I think I’ve got a shot!confusedhuskynoises reply
Sometimes I tighten jar lids and ask my husband to help me open them. Or I’ll push something just out of my reach if it’s on a high shelf then ask him to grab it for me. I love when he helps me, and I know he loves to do small things for me.CTnaturist reply
I pointed a gun at my stepmom's abusive boyfriend when he was sleeping and couldn't pull the trigger.Able-Badger-1713 reply
I have told a few people. But it’s limited. I am a CSA victim and my abuser made national news twice for the video she took of us boys, not the physical abuse. Police didn’t investigate properly, and when I went to make a report 30 years after the abuse the cop at reception was a hostile, rude aggressive man. I walked out actually crying. The cop quit his job 2 weeks into his investigation. But that cop literally broke me soul. I don’t feel strong enough to open up about my abuse and how hard it’s been being let down by police at every step. 🤷♂️ .Thecuriousgal94 reply
I had a “best friend” that would humiliate me in front of groups of friends. One night he decided to do it in front of the guy I had just started dating, sharing really embarrassing/personal stories and wouldn’t stop. Everyone was laughing. I went into the bathroom and scrubbed the toilet with his toothbrush. Have never told a soul about that.BarnacleMcBarndoor reply
Im in love with my best friend. I told her two years ago that I wanted to take her on actual date, and she told me she just wanted to be friends. After that’s It was a couple weeks of her not really talking to me and then unfortunately she had an accident. The accidentally resulted in problems partially impacting both long and short term memory. I didn’t ask if she remembered our conversation. And we more or less went back to the way things were, other than her telling me the same adorable stories over and over again, multiple times a week.unicornbirth reply
I’ve tried to off myself several times before, I have “ letters” hidden everywhere to my husband and my kids and my mom and siblings. I started Zoloft because of it, I had developed a panic disorder about three years ago and no one would take me seriously when i would try to talk about it, other than my husband, I started Zoloft for my anxiety, but in reality I started it so i would stay alive for my husband and my children, and it’s been 4 months in, and the past two weeks I’ve actually felt happy, like excited about living instead of the opposite.ItinerantAvenger reply
Back when we were dating, my wife found out I'd never had a surprise birthday party before. She *really* wanted to throw one for me, which I was okay with. Only one problem: it never worked. She'd try almost every year, try throwing surprise parties for other occasions. Each time, as she was planning stuff, I'd pick up on some discrepancy in her cover story, or pick up on something that a friend said, ask about it, and she'd be unable to cover it. Then finally, after years and years of this, she pulled it off. She was delighted and so proud that she at last managed to surprise me. She's talked about it for years, about how close I came to uncovering it. It made her so happy, and it was a lot of fun. Except what actually happened is I finally managed to be quick enough putting the pieces together to stop myself before I asked about the discrepancy in her cover story. Played dumb, pretended I had no idea. Acted surprised when the day came. She will never know.ksozay reply
Sometimes I get up in the morning, shower, get ready, and then get back into bed and pretend to be sleeping just so my daughter can run into our room and wake me up. She's 7, and still loves waking me up in the morning to get my day started by seeing her face first. I pray that I will never know a day that doesn't start like this.Killer_Kass reply
A few years ago my dads truck was broken into and he lost all of his rings (he had several silver rings, would take them off to drive bc the wheel rubbing on the rings was iritating. Forgot them in the truck one day and they were all stolen). My dad is not the type to accept gifts, especially if it's a replacement for something that was lost due to his own error. Over the years, I've been slowly replacing them. I'll save up, buy a ring that looks similar to one of the old ones, and then I'll either claim I found it somewhere or leave it for him to find. I replaced 2 by pretending I found them in the snow while out shoveling. Months later I left one outside our front door for him to find. It makes him SO happy everytime one is found. I hope he never finds out I am the one leaving them lol.Tom_Marto reply
My fiance loves to sing around the house - but only when I'm not there or can't hear. She has the most beautiful voice and incredible vocal ability. My secret? When I have my headphones on around the house, she'll sometimes call out to me and I'll pretend I can't hear her at all. She'll often start singing and I turn my headphones off so I can hear her properly. It's been 4 years and she still doesn't know that I purposely ignore her so I can listen to her singing. arlo :)) • is following a person