Photographer Deletes Wedding Photos She Took Right In Front Of The Groom, Goes Viral
If you’re asking your friend for a favor, don’t antagonize them. Sounds simple? Sure! However, you’ll find that in real life, some people have no problem at all being mean to their pals, demanding that they keep working without any breaks for hours on end, and denying them even food, and water. And then… they act surprised when they can’t take it anymore.
A dog groomer and part-time amateur photographer asked the AITA Reddit community for its verdict on whether or not she was a jerk for deleting their friend’s wedding photos in front of them. Her story went absolutely viral and internet users rushed to express their support for the photographer.
However, we’d love to hear what you think about the situation, dear Pandas! Have a read through redditor u/Icy-Reserve6995’s full, detailed story below.
Photographer Dominic Sberna gave Bored Panda his take on the importance of contracts when working events. “A signed contract in this day and age is important, but it’s even more important to have everything upfront if either individual has any doubts,” he said. “Something a lot of people forget is that a verbal contract is also legally binding. So, it’s more about making everything transparent between each party involved.”
An amateur photographer’s favor for a friend quickly turned sour
Image credits: Mariah Krafft (not the actual photo)
The photographer agreed to take pictures at her friend’s wedding, however, things didn’t turn out quite as she expected
Photographer Dominic shared with Bored Panda that when it comes to doing favors for your friends and keeping everyone happy, honesty is key. “Much like anything in life, be honest. At the end of the day, you have to do what you’re okay with, and what is best for you. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that you know you’re not going to regret later,” he said that we have to know what our boundaries are and make them clear for everyone involved.
He also gave some advice for photographers to keep up their strength while working on their feet for hours on end. “Stay hydrated, bring snacks if needed, and wear a comfy pair of shoes. The brain and body need sustenance and you’ll be more focused if you keep yourself sustained. If you cannot wear a comfy pair of shoes, get a good pair of inserts,” Dominic suggested.
Redditor u/Icy-Reserve6995’s tale spread like wildfire online. It got 18k upvotes on the platform and soon caught the attention of some popular news outlets which helped spread the story even further.
The redditor pointed out to the AITA community that she’s “not really a photographer.” However, since she has got to take lots of photos of dogs for their work social media accounts, she’s got some experience with it.
That’s why a friend of theirs reached out, asking to be the photographer at their wedding. They offered her 250 dollars for 10 hours of work. That’s very little money for that much work, but the redditor saw it as helping out a pal on a “shoestring budget.”
Plenty of us have been there, lending our skills to our friends for free or for a symbolic payment simply because we care about them and want to help. So personally, I know exactly where she were coming from. However… this doesn’t mean that your friends can treat you like you’re not a human.
Sometimes, people forget that photographers are real human beings with very basic needs. Like drinking some water. Grabbing a bite to eat. Taking a small break to get their energy back. Unfortunately, the redditor explained how the bride and groom didn’t save them a seat at their table for a meal. They also refused to let the photographer take a 20-minute break to eat and drink.
The photographer gave some curious redditors some more information about what happened
The worst part (at least for me) was that the redditor couldn’t even get a drink of water after she emptied their personal water bottles. She mentioned that it was 110 degrees F (that’s over 43 degrees C) and there was no air conditioning. And I believe that we’ve all been in situations where we’d give practically anything for a nice, long, cool drink of water.
That’s exactly what the photographer did after her friend told them that she wouldn’t get paid if she left at that moment. She deleted the photos right in front of the groom. “If I was to be paid $250, honestly at that point I would have paid $250 just for a glass of cold water and somewhere to sit for 5 minutes,” the redditor wrote. A lot of us can relate to this.
ShootProof explains that one of the most important things that you can do as a wedding photographer is to make everything legal. “One of the biggest beginner mistakes a photographer can make when photographing weddings is not having a signed contract. When you have a legally binding contract, it sets an agreement between you and the client,” they explain.
With a contract in play, your client agrees with your role and responsibilities. “The contract clearly states your tasks and what your clients will receive. It serves as a protection to both parties, especially since there’s money involved.” Of course, this can be a tough question to address with friends, however… stories like the one we’ve just read suggest that sometimes making things official isn’t the worst idea in the book.
Here’s what those people who supported the photographer had to say
However, some others thought that everybody was to blame in this case. Here’s why they think so
435Kviews
Share on FacebookThe groom fired the photographer without pay. There was no contract anymore, which gave the photographer the freedom to do with the pictures whatever she liked. She chose to delete them. End of story. All this "yes, but..." leads to nothing. It is done and over. Perhaps both of them will have learned a lesson out of this.
plus she was invited so was supposed to eat and drink...
Load More Replies...My hackles went up at "food is being served and I was told I cannot stop to eat because I need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table". My photographer was a friend who was paid full-price (they're a professional) and fed same as the guests.
He didn't even want her to take a break for water in 110F heat. That's inhuman.
Load More Replies...I'd not have deleted them personally but I can understand the frustration. Just would have hated the loss of my own work. I don't know why people getting married so often end up so demanding, so expectant that everyone will scurry around them, and up their own arses with thinking they're special. You're getting married, not canonised. Calm down. People do it all the time and to those who work in the industry you're just the next customer. Have some respect for those you employ on the day (friends or otherwise) and they'll usually go out of their way to make your day special.
Alternatives to deleting the pictures would have been to stop taking photos at that point, and/or to just send the unedited photos to the bride and groom, and let them put in days or weeks sorting through the things and editing, cropping, and deleting them. That would have been appropriate as well. but deleting the photos on the spot sure got the message across.
Load More Replies...As a wedding photographer myself, my full RESPECT!! That’s some serious balls of steel move. I’m 50/50 whether I’d delete the photos myself but I’d 100% lose the friend & they will never see their photos before they pay every past cent owed to me.
I don't understand how someone could do this. When I got married, we had a place for the photographer to eat, even though they were a professional. And did not want or expect them to work during dinner. Everyone I know did the same thing. It is not only reasonable, but considerate. I don't blame her for deleting them all.
And I bet you didn't expect the photographer to keep an eye on small children during dinner, either.
Load More Replies...Yeah screw everyone who thinks she overreacted. She didn't light the venue on fire before leaving so she behaved herself much better than I would have.
They treated her abominably. She may have overreacted by deleting them on the spot, but she was hungry, tired, hot and thirsty. I, personally, don't think particularly straight in those conditions when people are being nice. But that groom was lucky she only deleted the pictures. I think I would have beaned him over the head with the camera before I left!!
So OP was told to take pictures and when she wasn't doing that, she was babysitting their daughter, and they didn't even give her food that they'd promised her (she had to RSVP as a guest to the wedding.) Is it an A hole move to look around and say, "hey, I'm being used here. I'm out." Yep, but OP didn't. OP said, I need to eat something and drink some water, can you help me out. The groom said, no. You can't eat or drink anything. Continue working or leave. OP didn't rage quit. OP was fired and acted accordingly.
My spouse went to tech school the year we married, he went to the photography class and asked if anyone wanted the challenge of filming our wedding, 2 guys came and did a good job "for cost" of prints (so $350 for 3 albums and individual shots for the bridal party). I had them included for dinner, for which they declined. Once they were 'done', they left. The one fellow did enter an event that won 1st prize with our wedding pictures. So that ended up being his payment. (as it would have disqualified him had he been paid for them.)
Load More Replies...For the esh people: deleting photos isn't the worst thing ever. Yoh will live
Having photographed weddings in Oklahoma outdoors in August in a full suit I understand how it feels. I would not have deleted them personally, just so I could hold the images hostage afterwards. For ANYONE doing WEDDINGS: Prepare for anything and everything. I have sewed up a torn wedding dress, helped move 300 chairs and a huge archway to an indoor location at the approach of an oncoming thunderstorm, shot everything alone when I had originally planned on two additional shooters, had to threaten to physically harm a videographer if they stood in front of me again and more than once had to help the brides maid calm down a freaking out bride. That's the job if you want to make killer wedding photos. Planning for any and every contingency is the game. The event is easy.
at my brother & sister-in-law's wedding reception, they saved a lot of money by not hiring a photographer. They bought several cheap Instamatic pocket cameras with flash attachments instead. They gave them to the teenagers and asked them to provide some candid shots. It actually worked well. This made for some amazing snaps as good as any photographer could make. And it gave the bored teenagers something to do and kept them out of mischef. Genius level!
As good as...? No. Good? Sure, okay. Good wedding photography is a specialized niche for a reason.
Load More Replies...I play in a wedding band and every wedding we play at the band and photo/videographers get food too. Usually dinner time is not the moment to take photo's.
exactly and it is even customary to save some extra cakes for the stuff where I live. i cannot imagine not to feed my photographer who was with me from 7 am till midnight on my wedding.as if staff had time to go to some fast food or cook sauseges on their own movable cooker or i dont know how these ppl imagine it🤦🤷 I was also many times at the receiving end as a ceremony band member and always got cakes ( since our job was for hour max we didnt get actual food), sometimes a bottle of wine in addition to money.
Load More Replies...I understand the frustration, but I would not have deleted the photos.
YES! I would have held them hostage until I got paid. I also would not have agreed to do it unless a written contract with expectations was signed. This is a live and learn situation.
Load More Replies...As a former videographer, my meal was included. It was actually in my contract as to when I would eat. A photographer would get the same "benefit." Too harsh to delete but they were an amateur in a foreign environment. So no blame on her. Groom was a jerk.
good for you to put it in the contract. reading these stories it seems ppl have no manners and absolutely no class these days. I would took it for granted that staff need to east as well but then there are these ppl 🤷
Load More Replies...The correct avenue would be to leave immediately and send a formal letter requesting payment for photo's to the bride (who they did not discuss payment with) as well as the groom. In the letter advise payment due date. If they both refuse to pay then delete photo's. My heart goes out to the bride who has lost their big day photo's because both groom and photographer were being aholes.
Maybe the wife could refrain from marrying a literal monster? Denying someone water in that heat is a crime.
Load More Replies...I am reminded of when I recently declared that people conveniently "forget" that basic human rights exist for certain individuals when it's convenient for them... Though were I in the photographer's shoes, I would have gone to the bride after to confirm that she agreed. The contract was with both of them, after all. If both chose to be inhumane, neither deserved the photos.
I wouldn't have gone to the bride. I would not want to discuss any further once I was treated with such disdain by my so-called friend. That statement from the groom would be the end of the deal and the friendship. How about this -- she's an invited guest. She could say, well, I rsvp'd so I'll have my dinner now. I resign as your photographer and as your friend but I'll have the dinner I worked for.
Load More Replies...She can recover the photos and hold them ransom. Well, unless this is old, like most posts, and she already took a bunch of new pictures on the same card.
The groom is a disgusting human. My DJs and photographer were strangers and I still paid for a dinner for them. How do you tell someone they can't eat?!?
The photographer is NTA - the groom is. She didn't have anything to feel guilty about. Her POS "friend" who asked for the favor, then treated her like the help doesn't deserve her friendship. He's a selfish person and it's a good thing she washed her hands of him. It sucks that she deleted the pictures, but he had it coming and HE is the only one to blame for what happened.
I would have left without deleting the photos. He hired you at a "friend" rate but did not treat you like a friend. They will want those pictures later on and you could have offered them at the rate they would have paid a photographer. 😁
People geeting married these days I read it all over internet are becoming selfish they call it professionalism but not offering food or water to whoever is working for you is not human.
A "friend" doesn't even let you have water or food at their wedding. Ridiculous.
NTA but agree w/previous suggestion: you should have left then and there but not destroyed the pix. Instead you shd have held them for ransoms. And I wouldn't have settled for $500, either. Also, she couldn't eat because she was on 'kid duty'? I.E. babysitting? I'll bet it wasn't part of the original deal. Ransom price now $750.
I wish BP wouldn't end these stories with the comments from the people who disagree with the hero. It bums me out
Not an AH move at all. He gave you an ultimatum to continue as underpaid slave labor with zero respites, food, and water or to accept termination without pay (illegal BTW) and you chose the latter. It doesn't matter that you already took photos. Once he "fired" you without pay, he has no further rights or entitlements to those photos.
Wow...just wow to the audacity some people have exploiting fellow human beings. I think she did the right thing since this is not the way to treat your photographer, anyone. Also: who wants to have pictures of themselves and their guests eating, seruously?! I mean, we all know how they look like.
Honestly, I get her frustration. I'm just sad she got nothing out of it. Had she not deleted the pics up front she could've at least gotten more money, considering the harsh conditions she was forced to.
I was a wedding photographer and whe you get an all day 7am till midnight it's a hard slog, you do have demanding guests and especially the mother of the bride and family who just because they spent a few hundred on a camera they are the best photographer the world had produced but are a bloody nusence getting in your way, their flash ruining the shot, so yes I agree with her, she was right to delete the images, wish I had the guts because believe me there were times when I could have said fu** you and walked out. So was glad to retire
He did what he did. Besides, between the yelling and the deleting - there are a couple moments in which he could have backed down and behave. This is on the groom. And a little on the bride too, to be honest. No food, no water and babysitting duties on top of photographer duties in 110 degree heat? What friends are that.
well.. Being a photographer is a job. They hired you. In my country you can say, you have by law claim for 30 minutes break... If you are doing continous work, yo ustill have claim for sufficient time to rest
i also kind of automatically arranged food for the staff. if they specificaly said they are bringing their own food or something i wouldnt but usually what i saw staff gets to eat too
Load More Replies...Friends don't treat friends that way. They would have asked you to stop and eat and enjoy an asked if you needed anything if they were friends. Honestly if you kept the photos you could have just photoshopped dog heads on everyone in the shots. It would have been pretty epic. And at least something for your time. I think it's fair to say other people prob took photos of the day. Maybe not the pre stuff w the bride but candid shots too. Don't stress. It showed the true colors and let you move that toxic dog poop out of your life. Still imagining dog heads on all those shots tho....
Your first mistake was doing professional work as a favor, for a friend. Your second mistake was thinking they would be grateful on their wedding day. I remember one of my friends was getting married, his best friend fainted from locking his knees, standing as a groomsman. Never even looked at him, to see if he was alright. Was just annoyed, he fainted.
Weddings and funerals bring out the absolute worse in people. You are so NTA
The second he bluffed you with not paying you was the friendship over to me. He could have reasoned with you, explained why you didn't get food, etc. He jumped straight to an ultimatum - how disrespectful. You did the right thing deleting the photos. That's a humbling lesson more important to him than the $250 ever will be to you.
OP should have been provided food and drink at a table with other guests. Did they offer payment for the babysitting? Dehydrated people make terrible decisions. The photos may be retrievable. imo, OP should try to retrieve the photos, up the price to cover babysitting, food, and water, and drop the groom as a friend. Deal with the bride, not her AH husband.
She could restore the pictures using some readily available software as long as she hasn't already filled up that SD card again. As long as there is still room left on the card, all or some of the pictures could be restored. Then she could show them to the Groom and demand the $250.00 in exchange. If he doesn't go for it, she can have the satisfaction of deleteing them again, this time by burning the SD card.
If you want the pictures back you can still restore them from the SD card if you haven't filled it up again with other pictures. There's plenty of cheap software alternatives that can easily restore deleted photos. Then you can have what you took, and offer to give them to him for the $250.00 and either get the money, or delete them again by burning the card,
Groom treated photographer horribly. I get that. She should have definitely left right then and there....but.... deleting the phots was a s**t thing to do. It's not the brides fault the groom was being the AH and now she's punished for having no pics of her wedding . As others have said, keep the photos but do not hand them over until money was paid and take it as a learning lesson to never do it again.
If the pictures are on a memory card, they are still there. Deleting flags them as free space on the card, it doesn't erase them. If you don't take new pictures on top of them, they can be restored.
If the pictures are on a memory card, and no new pictures are taken over them, they can be restored. They aren't erased, they are flagged as free space.
If she wants those deleted pics back there are programs on the internet that will restore them, if she had a digital card. I agree and would also have been angry but deleting every photo is quite devastating for the bridal couple. For the sake of peace, I would restore the photos and maybe charge more and then call the friendship quits.
Not the asshole but immature. It really doesn't take so much to stand up for yourself and tell someone, you are taking a break while everybody is eating. It was also a bit immature to accept the job ot begin with, but that is the normal learnign curve all self-employed people have to go through: Recognize when to say No.
Reap what you sow. Recovering the pics will be fairly easy, there's enough software out there, so when everyone has calmed down put them on a disc and charge a thousand bucks.
I was a wedding photographer and it's a hard gig especially when your doing 7am to midnight and you really do get some demanding people and you feel like just walking away and saying fu** it
You can't ask a person to work for 8 hours without a break. It's illegal if you are an employer and that's absolutely reprehensible to treat your friend like that. And seriously, what are you supposed to shoot at the wedding for 8 hours straight?Document everybody's every step? I don't blame the OP for deleting photos. It was impulsive and spiteful, but they deserved it.
It’s not difficult to recover ‘deleted’ images from a camera’s card, just need the software. Then she can demand proper payment for her work. If there wasn’t a written and signed contract, then there is no contract in law. As a wedding photographer, I don’t expect to be fed. Customers do not want photos of guests eating, but they don’t expect you to look after their kids either!
Same old comment: we need to be clear communicators. Take the time to cover every aspect, ideally write it down so we all know what is expected of us.
First hint that this was not going to go well: they were only willing to pay $250 for a photographer to shoot for 10 hours (and then most likely spend another 40 hours editing all the chosen photos, and pay for them to be printed and put in an expensive album). A professional wedding photographer’s prices for something like that typically starts at $2,500.
The thing is, yes the groom was a complete jerk, but most of the people who would want those pictures were completely innocent in the situation. OP basically punished all the guests and their children for one guy’s behavior. Besides, the groom be probably wouldn’t have looked at the pics much after the wedding anyway, this marriage probably won’t be a very happy one. So ESH, the groom for obvious reasons and OP for acting out of anger and affecting everyone else but not the groom. Alternative solution: figure out which of the groom’s relatives hates him the most, then send them the pics. And say you’ll only send them the pics if you get payment. Then the groom has to pay OP and make amends with his least favorite relative — serves him right. Anyone else who wants the pics can also get them from said relative, and it’ll probably be easier too. That way if the groom doesn’t get the pics, it’s entirely his own fault (for not wanting to apologize, but he could get them if he wanted), and
This kind of behavior is common for people who work weddings and other social events. My husband is a professional musician. Has a PhD in pipe organ and piano performance. Concert level. I don't know how many events he has been invited too then be told where the piano was so he could play all evening. They were expecting this for free because they knew him and gave him an invitation to the event. Not kidding. He has a hard fast rule now that if invited somewhere he will not play at all. It is his profession. Would you invite a painter to your house then expect him to paint while he was there?
A "shoestring wedding" lasting over 8 hours? My wedding lasted from get up in the am until alone with husband all of 6 hours. We weren't even in a place where photos could be taken for 3 hours!
The groom was definitely the AH, but deleting the photos was almost equally awful. Should have left to eat, warned him she would delete them (while not in his physical presence), and jacked up the price. Everyone looks bad here.
She held out a lot longer than i would. I wouldn't even have asked, i would have just went and took a break. Besides, all the photos are good for is just attention and taking up space on a hard drive or a photo album until you want to "reminisce" about how it used to be 25 years later over your second bottle of cheap booze, or to "throw darts" at the ex or the inlaws.
I did wedding videography and even we got a break. Expect that one cheapskate mom at a bar mitzvah who insisted we continuously shoot even if we had to change tape (the 90's) or a lens. THEN we had to eat at the kiddie buffet (eep)
I taking "hangry". Might have been a typo, but it is the perfect word for both hungry and angry. :D
And it’s been a thing for years. Companies have run entire ad campaigns on it.
Load More Replies...I guess you make rash decisions when you're hot, tired, hungry and thirsty. She may live to regret this particular rash decision as she now has nothing to show for 8 hours of hard work. The groom may also have been rash as he was no doubt under stress himself, possibly a little drunk, burned out, etc. It's a shame it all panned out this way. I guess the bigger moral here is don't rely too heavily on friends. We asked a friend to photograph our wedding, although we did provide food and drink as he was also a guest. The photos turned out terrible. Too late we realised we should have paid the extra for a professional. After all, it's the only record you have of the day.
Doubt it is any consolation but my sister booked her photographer, one of the most expensive in the area, and his photos were dreadful. Mine were better (keen amateur with a decent camera but no special skills) and are the ones that she had enlarged and framed. You should get good photos from a photographer but it's not a given. I think if you want great photos do try and book a photographer with a good reputation but make sure that any friends or family who are any good (you usually know) are happy to take a few as well. Never hurts to have as many options as possible.
Load More Replies...they were all AH. them for treating the photographer poorly and the photographer for deleting the photos knowing they dont get a second chance of having them. he should have left immediately but kept them and then offer to sell for a usual price of a wedding photographer plus charge them for babysitting as well. they would be greateful to pay. win win for everyone.
So as an off-the-cuff remark "Do this or leave" could have been followed by one of your own "I get a break and you get the pix or I leave" while I'm gone to the restroom, think hard as will I to your demands---we'll compare answers when I return. Then while in the restroom, write up a general agreement to hand him. So he had a moment to cool down as you did too. Better to have a hard copy than a verbal one.
Yes, you are the A-HOLE. Rather than being a mature adult, you accepted and defaulted, in the most immature and A-HOLE way possible. What a B!
I am a photographer and I understand her frustration but , I truly believe she could have handled it better . As so many has said don't make rash decisions when u angry . We can try do a recovery of the card to maybe get some memories back.
Why would she do that? They wouldn't even feed her.
Load More Replies...OP is TA. I agree the groom behaved badly, but to destroy the photos was too cruel. They could have gone into the kitchen or powder room and used a sink faucet to fill the water bottles. Stood up to the friend and said they needed to eat something. You don't hurt the bride and the families and deprive them of these memories for $250.00.
Well, friends and family are bound to have taken photos so they won't be without any, not realistically. Not saying I'd do this though.
Load More Replies...You're pretty much on your own there. Maybe it's *your* ethics need examining.
Load More Replies...The groom fired the photographer without pay. There was no contract anymore, which gave the photographer the freedom to do with the pictures whatever she liked. She chose to delete them. End of story. All this "yes, but..." leads to nothing. It is done and over. Perhaps both of them will have learned a lesson out of this.
plus she was invited so was supposed to eat and drink...
Load More Replies...My hackles went up at "food is being served and I was told I cannot stop to eat because I need to be photographer; in fact, they didn't save me a spot at any table". My photographer was a friend who was paid full-price (they're a professional) and fed same as the guests.
He didn't even want her to take a break for water in 110F heat. That's inhuman.
Load More Replies...I'd not have deleted them personally but I can understand the frustration. Just would have hated the loss of my own work. I don't know why people getting married so often end up so demanding, so expectant that everyone will scurry around them, and up their own arses with thinking they're special. You're getting married, not canonised. Calm down. People do it all the time and to those who work in the industry you're just the next customer. Have some respect for those you employ on the day (friends or otherwise) and they'll usually go out of their way to make your day special.
Alternatives to deleting the pictures would have been to stop taking photos at that point, and/or to just send the unedited photos to the bride and groom, and let them put in days or weeks sorting through the things and editing, cropping, and deleting them. That would have been appropriate as well. but deleting the photos on the spot sure got the message across.
Load More Replies...As a wedding photographer myself, my full RESPECT!! That’s some serious balls of steel move. I’m 50/50 whether I’d delete the photos myself but I’d 100% lose the friend & they will never see their photos before they pay every past cent owed to me.
I don't understand how someone could do this. When I got married, we had a place for the photographer to eat, even though they were a professional. And did not want or expect them to work during dinner. Everyone I know did the same thing. It is not only reasonable, but considerate. I don't blame her for deleting them all.
And I bet you didn't expect the photographer to keep an eye on small children during dinner, either.
Load More Replies...Yeah screw everyone who thinks she overreacted. She didn't light the venue on fire before leaving so she behaved herself much better than I would have.
They treated her abominably. She may have overreacted by deleting them on the spot, but she was hungry, tired, hot and thirsty. I, personally, don't think particularly straight in those conditions when people are being nice. But that groom was lucky she only deleted the pictures. I think I would have beaned him over the head with the camera before I left!!
So OP was told to take pictures and when she wasn't doing that, she was babysitting their daughter, and they didn't even give her food that they'd promised her (she had to RSVP as a guest to the wedding.) Is it an A hole move to look around and say, "hey, I'm being used here. I'm out." Yep, but OP didn't. OP said, I need to eat something and drink some water, can you help me out. The groom said, no. You can't eat or drink anything. Continue working or leave. OP didn't rage quit. OP was fired and acted accordingly.
My spouse went to tech school the year we married, he went to the photography class and asked if anyone wanted the challenge of filming our wedding, 2 guys came and did a good job "for cost" of prints (so $350 for 3 albums and individual shots for the bridal party). I had them included for dinner, for which they declined. Once they were 'done', they left. The one fellow did enter an event that won 1st prize with our wedding pictures. So that ended up being his payment. (as it would have disqualified him had he been paid for them.)
Load More Replies...For the esh people: deleting photos isn't the worst thing ever. Yoh will live
Having photographed weddings in Oklahoma outdoors in August in a full suit I understand how it feels. I would not have deleted them personally, just so I could hold the images hostage afterwards. For ANYONE doing WEDDINGS: Prepare for anything and everything. I have sewed up a torn wedding dress, helped move 300 chairs and a huge archway to an indoor location at the approach of an oncoming thunderstorm, shot everything alone when I had originally planned on two additional shooters, had to threaten to physically harm a videographer if they stood in front of me again and more than once had to help the brides maid calm down a freaking out bride. That's the job if you want to make killer wedding photos. Planning for any and every contingency is the game. The event is easy.
at my brother & sister-in-law's wedding reception, they saved a lot of money by not hiring a photographer. They bought several cheap Instamatic pocket cameras with flash attachments instead. They gave them to the teenagers and asked them to provide some candid shots. It actually worked well. This made for some amazing snaps as good as any photographer could make. And it gave the bored teenagers something to do and kept them out of mischef. Genius level!
As good as...? No. Good? Sure, okay. Good wedding photography is a specialized niche for a reason.
Load More Replies...I play in a wedding band and every wedding we play at the band and photo/videographers get food too. Usually dinner time is not the moment to take photo's.
exactly and it is even customary to save some extra cakes for the stuff where I live. i cannot imagine not to feed my photographer who was with me from 7 am till midnight on my wedding.as if staff had time to go to some fast food or cook sauseges on their own movable cooker or i dont know how these ppl imagine it🤦🤷 I was also many times at the receiving end as a ceremony band member and always got cakes ( since our job was for hour max we didnt get actual food), sometimes a bottle of wine in addition to money.
Load More Replies...I understand the frustration, but I would not have deleted the photos.
YES! I would have held them hostage until I got paid. I also would not have agreed to do it unless a written contract with expectations was signed. This is a live and learn situation.
Load More Replies...As a former videographer, my meal was included. It was actually in my contract as to when I would eat. A photographer would get the same "benefit." Too harsh to delete but they were an amateur in a foreign environment. So no blame on her. Groom was a jerk.
good for you to put it in the contract. reading these stories it seems ppl have no manners and absolutely no class these days. I would took it for granted that staff need to east as well but then there are these ppl 🤷
Load More Replies...The correct avenue would be to leave immediately and send a formal letter requesting payment for photo's to the bride (who they did not discuss payment with) as well as the groom. In the letter advise payment due date. If they both refuse to pay then delete photo's. My heart goes out to the bride who has lost their big day photo's because both groom and photographer were being aholes.
Maybe the wife could refrain from marrying a literal monster? Denying someone water in that heat is a crime.
Load More Replies...I am reminded of when I recently declared that people conveniently "forget" that basic human rights exist for certain individuals when it's convenient for them... Though were I in the photographer's shoes, I would have gone to the bride after to confirm that she agreed. The contract was with both of them, after all. If both chose to be inhumane, neither deserved the photos.
I wouldn't have gone to the bride. I would not want to discuss any further once I was treated with such disdain by my so-called friend. That statement from the groom would be the end of the deal and the friendship. How about this -- she's an invited guest. She could say, well, I rsvp'd so I'll have my dinner now. I resign as your photographer and as your friend but I'll have the dinner I worked for.
Load More Replies...She can recover the photos and hold them ransom. Well, unless this is old, like most posts, and she already took a bunch of new pictures on the same card.
The groom is a disgusting human. My DJs and photographer were strangers and I still paid for a dinner for them. How do you tell someone they can't eat?!?
The photographer is NTA - the groom is. She didn't have anything to feel guilty about. Her POS "friend" who asked for the favor, then treated her like the help doesn't deserve her friendship. He's a selfish person and it's a good thing she washed her hands of him. It sucks that she deleted the pictures, but he had it coming and HE is the only one to blame for what happened.
I would have left without deleting the photos. He hired you at a "friend" rate but did not treat you like a friend. They will want those pictures later on and you could have offered them at the rate they would have paid a photographer. 😁
People geeting married these days I read it all over internet are becoming selfish they call it professionalism but not offering food or water to whoever is working for you is not human.
A "friend" doesn't even let you have water or food at their wedding. Ridiculous.
NTA but agree w/previous suggestion: you should have left then and there but not destroyed the pix. Instead you shd have held them for ransoms. And I wouldn't have settled for $500, either. Also, she couldn't eat because she was on 'kid duty'? I.E. babysitting? I'll bet it wasn't part of the original deal. Ransom price now $750.
I wish BP wouldn't end these stories with the comments from the people who disagree with the hero. It bums me out
Not an AH move at all. He gave you an ultimatum to continue as underpaid slave labor with zero respites, food, and water or to accept termination without pay (illegal BTW) and you chose the latter. It doesn't matter that you already took photos. Once he "fired" you without pay, he has no further rights or entitlements to those photos.
Wow...just wow to the audacity some people have exploiting fellow human beings. I think she did the right thing since this is not the way to treat your photographer, anyone. Also: who wants to have pictures of themselves and their guests eating, seruously?! I mean, we all know how they look like.
Honestly, I get her frustration. I'm just sad she got nothing out of it. Had she not deleted the pics up front she could've at least gotten more money, considering the harsh conditions she was forced to.
I was a wedding photographer and whe you get an all day 7am till midnight it's a hard slog, you do have demanding guests and especially the mother of the bride and family who just because they spent a few hundred on a camera they are the best photographer the world had produced but are a bloody nusence getting in your way, their flash ruining the shot, so yes I agree with her, she was right to delete the images, wish I had the guts because believe me there were times when I could have said fu** you and walked out. So was glad to retire
He did what he did. Besides, between the yelling and the deleting - there are a couple moments in which he could have backed down and behave. This is on the groom. And a little on the bride too, to be honest. No food, no water and babysitting duties on top of photographer duties in 110 degree heat? What friends are that.
well.. Being a photographer is a job. They hired you. In my country you can say, you have by law claim for 30 minutes break... If you are doing continous work, yo ustill have claim for sufficient time to rest
i also kind of automatically arranged food for the staff. if they specificaly said they are bringing their own food or something i wouldnt but usually what i saw staff gets to eat too
Load More Replies...Friends don't treat friends that way. They would have asked you to stop and eat and enjoy an asked if you needed anything if they were friends. Honestly if you kept the photos you could have just photoshopped dog heads on everyone in the shots. It would have been pretty epic. And at least something for your time. I think it's fair to say other people prob took photos of the day. Maybe not the pre stuff w the bride but candid shots too. Don't stress. It showed the true colors and let you move that toxic dog poop out of your life. Still imagining dog heads on all those shots tho....
Your first mistake was doing professional work as a favor, for a friend. Your second mistake was thinking they would be grateful on their wedding day. I remember one of my friends was getting married, his best friend fainted from locking his knees, standing as a groomsman. Never even looked at him, to see if he was alright. Was just annoyed, he fainted.
Weddings and funerals bring out the absolute worse in people. You are so NTA
The second he bluffed you with not paying you was the friendship over to me. He could have reasoned with you, explained why you didn't get food, etc. He jumped straight to an ultimatum - how disrespectful. You did the right thing deleting the photos. That's a humbling lesson more important to him than the $250 ever will be to you.
OP should have been provided food and drink at a table with other guests. Did they offer payment for the babysitting? Dehydrated people make terrible decisions. The photos may be retrievable. imo, OP should try to retrieve the photos, up the price to cover babysitting, food, and water, and drop the groom as a friend. Deal with the bride, not her AH husband.
She could restore the pictures using some readily available software as long as she hasn't already filled up that SD card again. As long as there is still room left on the card, all or some of the pictures could be restored. Then she could show them to the Groom and demand the $250.00 in exchange. If he doesn't go for it, she can have the satisfaction of deleteing them again, this time by burning the SD card.
If you want the pictures back you can still restore them from the SD card if you haven't filled it up again with other pictures. There's plenty of cheap software alternatives that can easily restore deleted photos. Then you can have what you took, and offer to give them to him for the $250.00 and either get the money, or delete them again by burning the card,
Groom treated photographer horribly. I get that. She should have definitely left right then and there....but.... deleting the phots was a s**t thing to do. It's not the brides fault the groom was being the AH and now she's punished for having no pics of her wedding . As others have said, keep the photos but do not hand them over until money was paid and take it as a learning lesson to never do it again.
If the pictures are on a memory card, they are still there. Deleting flags them as free space on the card, it doesn't erase them. If you don't take new pictures on top of them, they can be restored.
If the pictures are on a memory card, and no new pictures are taken over them, they can be restored. They aren't erased, they are flagged as free space.
If she wants those deleted pics back there are programs on the internet that will restore them, if she had a digital card. I agree and would also have been angry but deleting every photo is quite devastating for the bridal couple. For the sake of peace, I would restore the photos and maybe charge more and then call the friendship quits.
Not the asshole but immature. It really doesn't take so much to stand up for yourself and tell someone, you are taking a break while everybody is eating. It was also a bit immature to accept the job ot begin with, but that is the normal learnign curve all self-employed people have to go through: Recognize when to say No.
Reap what you sow. Recovering the pics will be fairly easy, there's enough software out there, so when everyone has calmed down put them on a disc and charge a thousand bucks.
I was a wedding photographer and it's a hard gig especially when your doing 7am to midnight and you really do get some demanding people and you feel like just walking away and saying fu** it
You can't ask a person to work for 8 hours without a break. It's illegal if you are an employer and that's absolutely reprehensible to treat your friend like that. And seriously, what are you supposed to shoot at the wedding for 8 hours straight?Document everybody's every step? I don't blame the OP for deleting photos. It was impulsive and spiteful, but they deserved it.
It’s not difficult to recover ‘deleted’ images from a camera’s card, just need the software. Then she can demand proper payment for her work. If there wasn’t a written and signed contract, then there is no contract in law. As a wedding photographer, I don’t expect to be fed. Customers do not want photos of guests eating, but they don’t expect you to look after their kids either!
Same old comment: we need to be clear communicators. Take the time to cover every aspect, ideally write it down so we all know what is expected of us.
First hint that this was not going to go well: they were only willing to pay $250 for a photographer to shoot for 10 hours (and then most likely spend another 40 hours editing all the chosen photos, and pay for them to be printed and put in an expensive album). A professional wedding photographer’s prices for something like that typically starts at $2,500.
The thing is, yes the groom was a complete jerk, but most of the people who would want those pictures were completely innocent in the situation. OP basically punished all the guests and their children for one guy’s behavior. Besides, the groom be probably wouldn’t have looked at the pics much after the wedding anyway, this marriage probably won’t be a very happy one. So ESH, the groom for obvious reasons and OP for acting out of anger and affecting everyone else but not the groom. Alternative solution: figure out which of the groom’s relatives hates him the most, then send them the pics. And say you’ll only send them the pics if you get payment. Then the groom has to pay OP and make amends with his least favorite relative — serves him right. Anyone else who wants the pics can also get them from said relative, and it’ll probably be easier too. That way if the groom doesn’t get the pics, it’s entirely his own fault (for not wanting to apologize, but he could get them if he wanted), and
This kind of behavior is common for people who work weddings and other social events. My husband is a professional musician. Has a PhD in pipe organ and piano performance. Concert level. I don't know how many events he has been invited too then be told where the piano was so he could play all evening. They were expecting this for free because they knew him and gave him an invitation to the event. Not kidding. He has a hard fast rule now that if invited somewhere he will not play at all. It is his profession. Would you invite a painter to your house then expect him to paint while he was there?
A "shoestring wedding" lasting over 8 hours? My wedding lasted from get up in the am until alone with husband all of 6 hours. We weren't even in a place where photos could be taken for 3 hours!
The groom was definitely the AH, but deleting the photos was almost equally awful. Should have left to eat, warned him she would delete them (while not in his physical presence), and jacked up the price. Everyone looks bad here.
She held out a lot longer than i would. I wouldn't even have asked, i would have just went and took a break. Besides, all the photos are good for is just attention and taking up space on a hard drive or a photo album until you want to "reminisce" about how it used to be 25 years later over your second bottle of cheap booze, or to "throw darts" at the ex or the inlaws.
I did wedding videography and even we got a break. Expect that one cheapskate mom at a bar mitzvah who insisted we continuously shoot even if we had to change tape (the 90's) or a lens. THEN we had to eat at the kiddie buffet (eep)
I taking "hangry". Might have been a typo, but it is the perfect word for both hungry and angry. :D
And it’s been a thing for years. Companies have run entire ad campaigns on it.
Load More Replies...I guess you make rash decisions when you're hot, tired, hungry and thirsty. She may live to regret this particular rash decision as she now has nothing to show for 8 hours of hard work. The groom may also have been rash as he was no doubt under stress himself, possibly a little drunk, burned out, etc. It's a shame it all panned out this way. I guess the bigger moral here is don't rely too heavily on friends. We asked a friend to photograph our wedding, although we did provide food and drink as he was also a guest. The photos turned out terrible. Too late we realised we should have paid the extra for a professional. After all, it's the only record you have of the day.
Doubt it is any consolation but my sister booked her photographer, one of the most expensive in the area, and his photos were dreadful. Mine were better (keen amateur with a decent camera but no special skills) and are the ones that she had enlarged and framed. You should get good photos from a photographer but it's not a given. I think if you want great photos do try and book a photographer with a good reputation but make sure that any friends or family who are any good (you usually know) are happy to take a few as well. Never hurts to have as many options as possible.
Load More Replies...they were all AH. them for treating the photographer poorly and the photographer for deleting the photos knowing they dont get a second chance of having them. he should have left immediately but kept them and then offer to sell for a usual price of a wedding photographer plus charge them for babysitting as well. they would be greateful to pay. win win for everyone.
So as an off-the-cuff remark "Do this or leave" could have been followed by one of your own "I get a break and you get the pix or I leave" while I'm gone to the restroom, think hard as will I to your demands---we'll compare answers when I return. Then while in the restroom, write up a general agreement to hand him. So he had a moment to cool down as you did too. Better to have a hard copy than a verbal one.
Yes, you are the A-HOLE. Rather than being a mature adult, you accepted and defaulted, in the most immature and A-HOLE way possible. What a B!
I am a photographer and I understand her frustration but , I truly believe she could have handled it better . As so many has said don't make rash decisions when u angry . We can try do a recovery of the card to maybe get some memories back.
Why would she do that? They wouldn't even feed her.
Load More Replies...OP is TA. I agree the groom behaved badly, but to destroy the photos was too cruel. They could have gone into the kitchen or powder room and used a sink faucet to fill the water bottles. Stood up to the friend and said they needed to eat something. You don't hurt the bride and the families and deprive them of these memories for $250.00.
Well, friends and family are bound to have taken photos so they won't be without any, not realistically. Not saying I'd do this though.
Load More Replies...You're pretty much on your own there. Maybe it's *your* ethics need examining.
Load More Replies...
136
118