Soon-To-Be College Student Wanted To Use Her School Funding To Support Her Toxic BF’s “Dreams”, Mom Refused And It Caused Their Breakup
Interview With AuthorIt’s a fact that many people struggle with all sorts of issues while being in a relationship. Two people with totally different mindsets, and sometimes even with toxic tendencies, try to make it work, frequently forgetting about their own well-being and getting used to enduring the pain that their partner is bringing onto them. An unhealthy fixation that absolutely blinds a person and restricts them from reaching out for help, resulting in an array of mental health issues and broken souls.
Dealing with such a mess is distressing and painful enough, but what’s more destructive is having to see your child going through this misery. An online user decided to use one of Reddit’s communities to share a story revolving around her daughter and her hell of a boyfriend. The post received over 14K upvotes and nearly 2K comments that reassured the mother that what she did was completely reasonable.
More info: Reddit
Watching your kid having to deal with a manipulative relationship is soul-crushing
Image credits: M S (not the actual photo)
A woman’s 18-year-old daughter was in a very unhealthy relationship and was often manipulated and shamed. The OP decided to reach out to an online community after she encountered a rather uneasy situation, asking if she was wrong for handling the situation the way she did.
A mother stopped her daughter from spending her college funds on her toxic boyfriend
Image credits: throwae_69
The woman began her story by sharing that her daughter is incredibly smart. She enjoyed school, is the valedictorian of her class, and even received a full scholarship from her dream college.
The funding that the soon-to-be college student received amounted to 250K dollars, however, her parents agreed that they will still give her some money for essential things, such as housing, etc.
Image credits: throwae_69
One day, the OP’s daughter came back home clearly stressed and her mother asked her if anything was wrong. The daughter revealed that her boyfriend supposedly pressured her into not going to college.
The woman then proceeded to give some backstory on Bryan and mentioned that her daughter’s partner comes from a very wealthy family, and is a proud owner of some serious behavioral issues.
Image credits: throwae_69
The daughter’s partner clearly has some unhealthy and toxic tendencies, as it was said that he would often act two-faced and even comment on the OP’s daughter’s appearance. Though Bryan is enrolled in college, he’s not really a responsible guy, whereas the woman’s daughter tends to carefully plan her future and is about to study marine biology.
The OP revealed that during the conversation, her daughter said she had told Bryan how excited she was to finally go to school, though her partner never supported her chosen path and basically instructed her to withdraw the college application.
Image credits: throwae_69
The boyfriend also expressed that it made him feel “unmanly,” since his partner has all her future planed out and weirdly enough even proposed for her to wait for him, as he was not comfortable with the fact that the college is so far away.
The OP’s daughter then asked for her college funding, so she could support Bryan’s dreams (whatever that means). The mother was puzzled, to say the least, however, after a sturdy conversation, the daughter realized the absurdity of the situation and broke it off with her boyfriend.
Image credits: throwae_69
Bored Panda contacted the author and asked her a few questions. The woman revealed that although her daughter didn’t understand the seriousness of the situation she was in before the final argument occurred, she is now fully aware of how unhealthy the whole relationship was.
The OP also addressed everyone who happens to be in a similar manipulative relationship, and advised people to “not make rash decisions, and to talk to your family and friends before taking action. And never be afraid to ask for help.”
Image credits: throwae_69
Moreover, the OP also revealed that since Bryan was so persistent, the family agreed to block him where possible, and even changed their home phone number. However, the ex-boyfriend was full of surprises as he showed up at the daughter’s school together with his presumably equally toxic pals, blocking his ex from getting in her car. The police were called and Bryan even attacked one of the officers, as he refused to leave.
Despite these unfortunate events, the OP assured everyone that her daughter is in good care and is now doing much better, and is very excited to leave for college and focus on the thing that she loves doing the most.
Fellow Redditors supported the OP and praised her for handling the situation so well
122Kviews
Share on FacebookMom might have been responsible for the breakup but that's not a bad thing. At all. I wish someone talked me out of all the stupid things I did when I was 18.
Responsible for the breakup? What??? She just told her daughter her opinion and asked her to think before she does so important decision. And the girl is truly smart, did the only right thing to do...why giving him her money she could save for "worse" time, while he's so wealthy and can support his dreams himself?
Load More Replies...That's the question with every.single.AITA.post.on.BP.
Load More Replies...NTA. Your daughter was being manipulated and controlled, she sounds like a smart girl, but emotions make us stupid when it comes to abusers, and he is an abuser. She was foolish to think she would spend her college funds on Bryan if his family is already well-off, she was foolish to believe Bryan wanted to support her, she was foolish to believe that after she dedicated all her time and money and love to Bryan, he would not dump her one day soon for some other tart he found more attractive. You feel guilt over it, but it doesn't sound like your daughter even holds this against you in any way. She made an escape from this A-hole, she needs to live her life for HER and no one else, even 'the love of her life'. Tell her to go study marine biology, and find a new boyfriend who does not attempt to belittle, put down, control or manipulate her. Hopefully the memory of Bryan will act as a red flag warning system for her in future.
Mom and daughter need to have an honest discussion about the money - which is absolutely the mother's money to use as she sees fit. If she chooses to use it to pay for the daughter's college education she's free to do so, but that doesn't make it the daughter's money. And given that the daughter has made the common mistake of thinking of the college money as hers, the OP needs to very clear that it will never be released for anything but proven educational expenses, and that it will NEVER be turned over in a lump sum. YOU HEAR ME, OP? DON'T TURN IT OVER IN A LUMP SUM!!!
This is how bright young people, I wanna say girls more often than boys, roll into a life that's not theirs and end up with nothing while the person who coerced them into said life will abuse their position whilst treating them like s**t. The daughter was well on her way to becoming a trophy housewife. I got the chills when he started talking about feeling unmanly. If mom is responsible for the break-up, I'd flipping print it on a banner and wear it around the house as a superhero cape.
Boyfriend is clearly a worthless piece of flaming garbage, and you can bet your booty he'd have squandered every cent of that money, blamed the girl while demanding even more free cash, and then eventually dumped her for someone else he can mooch off. Good riddance.
At least she had the grace not to brag about getting rid of the daughter's worthless leech boyfriend.
Load More Replies...Am I reading it right that the parents were going to give Sara a lump sum of $250,000 when she began college with her scholarship? This story demonstrates that Sara is not mature enough to handle that kind of money yet! I don't know a lot about these things, but I think they need to piece the money out to her from a trust while she learns more about financial management.
The mother took her time to make her daughter aware of the situation and the consequences. That's what made the daughter decide to break up with the jerk. Can't blame the mother for raising a child that's clever enough to make the right choices.
..well done to the OP. Great that you could put some sense into her valedictorian numb skull...teenage romance fantasies would have ruined her chances at doing what she loved...that asshat has no clue what his dreams are if he is even actually having any dreams literally..he is a pompous belligerent entitled asshole who would've ruined a smart girls life by polluting her mind with unknown mash of nonsense...she is smart for breaking up with the idiot and OP should not beat themselves so hard, they were right to intervene.
He'S feeling unmanly if his girl friend makes a life for herslef? Jesus f*cking Christ. It's 2022 not 1950 - where do these toxic c*nts keep coming from?? Who is raising these creeps?
Misoginistic groups like the MRAs ("man rights activists"), MGTOW (Men going their own way) and Incels (Involuntary celibates) that are allowed to thrive in our society because hating or attacking women is not seen as a serious problem.
Load More Replies...Yes, the mom was responsible for the break-up, no, the break-up was not a bad thing. Honestly, though. I don't get why he can't just be a decent person, and actually care about and support his girlfriend, LIKE A GOOD BOYFRIEND SHOULD!!! Why the girl even got with him in the first place, that's something that I really want to know.
Brian is the a*****e for telling her not to go to college. The nerve, especially if it’s free. Take a chunk of her college fund and buy her a townhome to live in. Let it grow it equity while she studies then shell have a good head start in life.
NTA. If Bryan's family is so rich and supposedly planning to support her too, then why does he need money for "his dreams?" He just doesn't want her to have any money so she'll be stuck with him. I'm glad she dumped him. He's showing red flags of financial abuse. I'm glad Mom got daughter to admit she didn't want to spend her life with him.
WOW! Good for you Mom! I really wish someone had set me down like this when I was in an abusive relationship. After 4 years my sister finally told me he wasn't good for my mental health and it was like a spell broke. Sometimes you need the permission to break up. Sometimes you need someone else to see how bad it is for you. Because when you are in it. You are trapped. Good job Mom. I wish I had a mother like you.
I read this AITA submit on reddit two days ago, (or yesterday, I don't remember), and the comment section was real fun to scroll through!!
She paid attention to advice and made her own decision to break up with him. She IS pretty smart. Mom should just be proud.
As a parent, you have to help your child and only telling them "yass girl" is not going to help. Love blinds and after getting all those Information about him, thats the only logical thing to do. The daughter was in need for an eye-opener and she got it. Good for her.
Dear Mama, You love your daughter and were protecting her best interests. Don't doubt yourself about this one moment more! Perhaps a counselor can help your daughter so she doesn't make a pattern of involving herself with destructive, controlling men. But you did the right thing out of love for her! I hope she goes to school and grows in maturity and understanding. Stay strong.
I'm glad her mom didn't have to point out it wasn't the daughter's money, it was the parents' money, and they were willing to use it for her schooling. So amazed at this daughter and mother being able to communicate thoughtfully and with long-term vision.
NTA This is a hard thing for parents to do, but sometimes, for the good of your child in these situations, it has to be necessary to intervene with your child's relationship.
I can't believe that mom had to ask if she was being an a-hole. I would have started a war. No way some could some lost dude convince me to allow my kid to give him MY money.
I don't even understand how this woman can feel guilty about saving her daughter from a lifetime of regret and pain. Brian is a jerk and the daughter breaking up with him was a great thing. She should not throw her life away over some jackhole that doesn't actually care about her.
Great job mom! Make sure she goes to school and leave this loser in the dust. Also try to find some activities/groups to help her build up her self esteem.
Nta. Research the different forms of abuse in relationships, print them out, have your daughter read them, then circle all that apply to this relationship; it will be nearly all of them. She seems well on her way to seeing things differently, but needs to know how to identify these red flags.
'Bryans' future: ends up addicted to cocaine and meth. Dies in an alley after a fight with a dealer. His parents blame themselves, well, to some extent, as they hold a lot of responsibility for his shite upbringing. Daughter finally realised that he was an abuser and a leach, but doesn't accept it until she is 30 ..
The only a*****e is Bryan. Thank God, this girl listened to her mum and ditched that loser. The daughter looks like she has a bright future in front of her and Bryan was trying to take it away from her because of his fragile ego.
Thank God I have a niece who didn't have to suffer this, because she was adamant about schooling being first and foremost. This year through pandemic and delayed labs she finally becomes a graduate (and will get her Master's next) and has worked so hard and I'm so proud and thankful.
This is so stupid. This money is not HERS it's her parents. And they have zero obligation to do more than they wish to do with it.
definitely NTA for one thing he is clearly abusive if he outs he down in front of others secondly his parents are well off so why does she have to use her money to support him and thirdly there is no guarantee that he would get back with her would probably stay until the money was gone
"Title that will totally make me the AH" "Text that very clearly doesn't make me the AH" "Oh gosh darn, am I the AH?" "Get karma, likes, etc." It's always the same recipe. She knows she's not the AH, no one will think that. Even her daughter doesn't think that. All these stories are a) fake for karmawhoring or b) real for karmawhoring.
Mom might have been responsible for the breakup but that's not a bad thing. At all. I wish someone talked me out of all the stupid things I did when I was 18.
Responsible for the breakup? What??? She just told her daughter her opinion and asked her to think before she does so important decision. And the girl is truly smart, did the only right thing to do...why giving him her money she could save for "worse" time, while he's so wealthy and can support his dreams himself?
Load More Replies...That's the question with every.single.AITA.post.on.BP.
Load More Replies...NTA. Your daughter was being manipulated and controlled, she sounds like a smart girl, but emotions make us stupid when it comes to abusers, and he is an abuser. She was foolish to think she would spend her college funds on Bryan if his family is already well-off, she was foolish to believe Bryan wanted to support her, she was foolish to believe that after she dedicated all her time and money and love to Bryan, he would not dump her one day soon for some other tart he found more attractive. You feel guilt over it, but it doesn't sound like your daughter even holds this against you in any way. She made an escape from this A-hole, she needs to live her life for HER and no one else, even 'the love of her life'. Tell her to go study marine biology, and find a new boyfriend who does not attempt to belittle, put down, control or manipulate her. Hopefully the memory of Bryan will act as a red flag warning system for her in future.
Mom and daughter need to have an honest discussion about the money - which is absolutely the mother's money to use as she sees fit. If she chooses to use it to pay for the daughter's college education she's free to do so, but that doesn't make it the daughter's money. And given that the daughter has made the common mistake of thinking of the college money as hers, the OP needs to very clear that it will never be released for anything but proven educational expenses, and that it will NEVER be turned over in a lump sum. YOU HEAR ME, OP? DON'T TURN IT OVER IN A LUMP SUM!!!
This is how bright young people, I wanna say girls more often than boys, roll into a life that's not theirs and end up with nothing while the person who coerced them into said life will abuse their position whilst treating them like s**t. The daughter was well on her way to becoming a trophy housewife. I got the chills when he started talking about feeling unmanly. If mom is responsible for the break-up, I'd flipping print it on a banner and wear it around the house as a superhero cape.
Boyfriend is clearly a worthless piece of flaming garbage, and you can bet your booty he'd have squandered every cent of that money, blamed the girl while demanding even more free cash, and then eventually dumped her for someone else he can mooch off. Good riddance.
At least she had the grace not to brag about getting rid of the daughter's worthless leech boyfriend.
Load More Replies...Am I reading it right that the parents were going to give Sara a lump sum of $250,000 when she began college with her scholarship? This story demonstrates that Sara is not mature enough to handle that kind of money yet! I don't know a lot about these things, but I think they need to piece the money out to her from a trust while she learns more about financial management.
The mother took her time to make her daughter aware of the situation and the consequences. That's what made the daughter decide to break up with the jerk. Can't blame the mother for raising a child that's clever enough to make the right choices.
..well done to the OP. Great that you could put some sense into her valedictorian numb skull...teenage romance fantasies would have ruined her chances at doing what she loved...that asshat has no clue what his dreams are if he is even actually having any dreams literally..he is a pompous belligerent entitled asshole who would've ruined a smart girls life by polluting her mind with unknown mash of nonsense...she is smart for breaking up with the idiot and OP should not beat themselves so hard, they were right to intervene.
He'S feeling unmanly if his girl friend makes a life for herslef? Jesus f*cking Christ. It's 2022 not 1950 - where do these toxic c*nts keep coming from?? Who is raising these creeps?
Misoginistic groups like the MRAs ("man rights activists"), MGTOW (Men going their own way) and Incels (Involuntary celibates) that are allowed to thrive in our society because hating or attacking women is not seen as a serious problem.
Load More Replies...Yes, the mom was responsible for the break-up, no, the break-up was not a bad thing. Honestly, though. I don't get why he can't just be a decent person, and actually care about and support his girlfriend, LIKE A GOOD BOYFRIEND SHOULD!!! Why the girl even got with him in the first place, that's something that I really want to know.
Brian is the a*****e for telling her not to go to college. The nerve, especially if it’s free. Take a chunk of her college fund and buy her a townhome to live in. Let it grow it equity while she studies then shell have a good head start in life.
NTA. If Bryan's family is so rich and supposedly planning to support her too, then why does he need money for "his dreams?" He just doesn't want her to have any money so she'll be stuck with him. I'm glad she dumped him. He's showing red flags of financial abuse. I'm glad Mom got daughter to admit she didn't want to spend her life with him.
WOW! Good for you Mom! I really wish someone had set me down like this when I was in an abusive relationship. After 4 years my sister finally told me he wasn't good for my mental health and it was like a spell broke. Sometimes you need the permission to break up. Sometimes you need someone else to see how bad it is for you. Because when you are in it. You are trapped. Good job Mom. I wish I had a mother like you.
I read this AITA submit on reddit two days ago, (or yesterday, I don't remember), and the comment section was real fun to scroll through!!
She paid attention to advice and made her own decision to break up with him. She IS pretty smart. Mom should just be proud.
As a parent, you have to help your child and only telling them "yass girl" is not going to help. Love blinds and after getting all those Information about him, thats the only logical thing to do. The daughter was in need for an eye-opener and she got it. Good for her.
Dear Mama, You love your daughter and were protecting her best interests. Don't doubt yourself about this one moment more! Perhaps a counselor can help your daughter so she doesn't make a pattern of involving herself with destructive, controlling men. But you did the right thing out of love for her! I hope she goes to school and grows in maturity and understanding. Stay strong.
I'm glad her mom didn't have to point out it wasn't the daughter's money, it was the parents' money, and they were willing to use it for her schooling. So amazed at this daughter and mother being able to communicate thoughtfully and with long-term vision.
NTA This is a hard thing for parents to do, but sometimes, for the good of your child in these situations, it has to be necessary to intervene with your child's relationship.
I can't believe that mom had to ask if she was being an a-hole. I would have started a war. No way some could some lost dude convince me to allow my kid to give him MY money.
I don't even understand how this woman can feel guilty about saving her daughter from a lifetime of regret and pain. Brian is a jerk and the daughter breaking up with him was a great thing. She should not throw her life away over some jackhole that doesn't actually care about her.
Great job mom! Make sure she goes to school and leave this loser in the dust. Also try to find some activities/groups to help her build up her self esteem.
Nta. Research the different forms of abuse in relationships, print them out, have your daughter read them, then circle all that apply to this relationship; it will be nearly all of them. She seems well on her way to seeing things differently, but needs to know how to identify these red flags.
'Bryans' future: ends up addicted to cocaine and meth. Dies in an alley after a fight with a dealer. His parents blame themselves, well, to some extent, as they hold a lot of responsibility for his shite upbringing. Daughter finally realised that he was an abuser and a leach, but doesn't accept it until she is 30 ..
The only a*****e is Bryan. Thank God, this girl listened to her mum and ditched that loser. The daughter looks like she has a bright future in front of her and Bryan was trying to take it away from her because of his fragile ego.
Thank God I have a niece who didn't have to suffer this, because she was adamant about schooling being first and foremost. This year through pandemic and delayed labs she finally becomes a graduate (and will get her Master's next) and has worked so hard and I'm so proud and thankful.
This is so stupid. This money is not HERS it's her parents. And they have zero obligation to do more than they wish to do with it.
definitely NTA for one thing he is clearly abusive if he outs he down in front of others secondly his parents are well off so why does she have to use her money to support him and thirdly there is no guarantee that he would get back with her would probably stay until the money was gone
"Title that will totally make me the AH" "Text that very clearly doesn't make me the AH" "Oh gosh darn, am I the AH?" "Get karma, likes, etc." It's always the same recipe. She knows she's not the AH, no one will think that. Even her daughter doesn't think that. All these stories are a) fake for karmawhoring or b) real for karmawhoring.
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