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Stepfather Gives His Kid A Lesson For Offending His Stepsister By Not Letting Him Go To His Friend’s B-Day Party
92points
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Other3 months ago

Stepfather Gives His Kid A Lesson For Offending His Stepsister By Not Letting Him Go To His Friend’s B-Day Party

The problem of parents and children has been relevant probably as long as humanity has existed. Do you really think that Cain would have taken Abel’s life if he had not experienced certain complexes – quite possibly because of an undeveloped relationship with his father?

And when it is also a stepfather, then no matter how wonderful the child’s relationship with him, in any case, there will be some conflicts. And if another child from another marriage is involved, it is even more certain. And it will take a lot of psychological maturity and wisdom from both parents to properly solve this problem without any harm.

The author of a popular post in the AITA Reddit community, which has already gained almost 8.7K upvotes and more than 1.3K various comments, faced such a problem. And, unlike the value judgments typical of this community, here, the Original Poster received some really wholesome advice.

More info: Reddit

The Original Poster lives with his wife, her 12 Y.O. son, and his 11 Y.O. daughter

Image credits: H. Michael Miley (not the actual photo)

So the OP lives with his wife, his 11 Y.O. daughter and 12 Y.O. stepson. The boy and the girl, according to the author of the post, get along well, but from time to time, like almost all children, they fight among themselves and annoy each other in every possible way.

Image credits: Howtogoon

The OP’s stepson has made a habit of sneaking into his stepsister’s room and taking her things

The OP’s stepson has made a habit of sneaking into the girl’s room and taking things from her – like a T-shirt, favorite pen, teddy bear, etc. The OP has told him more than once that this behavior is unacceptable and that next time he will be punished. The boy promised that he would not do this again – but time passed, and everything repeated.

Image credits: Howtogoon

The OP imposed punishments, especially by making him do chores

As a result, the stepfather began to really punish the preteen. Mostly by having him do chores: taking out the trash for a whole week, washing the car, and mowing the lawn with his stepfather (which the boy especially did not like). For a while, the stepson stopped upsetting the sister, and the OP decided that everything was fine.

Image credits: Howtogoon

On the eve of his best friend’s birthday, the stepson stole the girl’s diary from her room

But now, on the eve of his best friend’s birthday, to whose party OP’s stepson was, of course, invited and really wanted to go, he again entered the room of OP’s daughter and stole her diary. This time, the OP and his wife specifically called both children and decided to have an educational conversation.

Image credits: Howtogoon

The parents agreed that they have to be more strict now

The wife agreed that her son should be punished and suggested that he wash all the dishes in the house. The husband did not agree with her, arguing that this is not the first time the boy has behaved badly, so they need to be more strict.

True, the stepson, in justification, said that the girl annoys him and also sometimes deliberately infuriates him. The OP objected that in this case, she also receives punishment, and that they are one family and should get along well.

Image credits: Howtogoon

The boy yelled at his stepdad that this was his house, not the man’s

The stepfather said that from now on, the boy has no right to enter the room of his stepsister without her permission. In response, the boy yelled that this was his house (and indeed, when the OP and his wife tied the knot, he and his daughter moved into the woman’s house), and that he would go anywhere he wants at any time he wants.

Image credits: Andrew (Megan) Laing (Hack)

As a result, the boy was punished even more – instead of having a party with his best friend, he had to clean the whole house that evening. Of course, the stepson was incredibly upset, and the wife later told the OP that he was too tough.

People in the comments mainly supported the OP, though some of them suggested visiting a family psychologist

True, the commenters mostly supported the OP, arguing that impudence and disobedience, of course, should be punished – although, of course, this man should visit a family psychologist in order to improve relations in his family.

In any case, the OP also received some valuable parenting advice based largely on the commenters’ personal examples, for instance, that the punishment should correspond to the offense. Like if the stepson steals something, he must in return lose some of his things.

Of course, we are not family psychologists, but we encourage you to also discuss this situation. It is likely that you yourself have been in either OP’s or his stepson’s place, and then, of course, it will be very interesting to know how your similar story ended.

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RaroaRaroa
Community Member
3 months ago

The mother is the worst in this, from what I can tell. She's not disciplining her own child, but leaving it to her husband to do - effectively driving a wedge into her own family. Doing this over and over, even when punished, shows the punishments haven't been strong enough - either that or it is some sort of compulsive behaviour and he needs proper help. Only issue now is, that he may view missing the party as being as bad as it gets, so will carry on because he can't see what else they could do that is worse. Taking away his phone, games console, whatever he has for increasing periods of time is probably the best plan. Then professional help if that doesn't work, before it gets dangerous.

Ozacoter
Community Member
3 months ago

I agree, its the mothers fault. She does not seem to believe in punishments. I am sorry but doing the dishes is not a punishment for stealing. And she does not seem to really care much for the daughter

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Weed in the Garden
Community Member
3 months ago

I read this almost as soon as it was posted and was going to comment but censored myself because this is such a volatile topic and there are bound to be many stongly differing opinions. But the post kept popping back up, so here goes...I am the product of a 'blended' family (blended meaning divorced and remarried parents and the resulting step and 1/2 siblings). We grew up addressing ourselves as family, not step mom or step dad, step sister/brother. We were just a family with additional moms, dads and kids. His, mine, ours, theirs was NEVER allowed between the adults or the kids. There was conflict between the divorced parents but luckily for all of the children involved, it was minimized, explained and dealt with matter-of-factly. A marriage involving children won't work well for all involved parties when finger-pointing, selfishness and blame are part of the dialog because you are a step-parent or step-child. You're a family now, for better or worse - stop the division.

Not_Tellin
Community Member
3 months ago

The way this guy refers to, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter. And and the boy is the step.. I'm sorry, there are just so many things wrong with the adults in this situation.

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Nikki Sevven
Community Member
3 months ago

Pretty much ESH. Mom, you need to parent your own child instead of making your husband be TA every time. Dad, your stepson isn't learning anything from your punishments, as evidenced by the fact that he continues to misbehave and his mom condones it. Lastly, the punishment doesn't fit the crime. Instead of chores, take away something he loves for a week every time he violates daughter's privacy and takes something of hers. And this should be done by mom, not you, because mom is the real problem here.

Mari Scott
Community Member
3 months ago

Yes, I think Mom married the guy because she needed someone to stand up to her kid. She doesn't want to be the bad guy, instead she sits back while her son bullies the family.

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Megan Boomershine
Community Member
3 months ago

Id just be afraid of the boy taking liberties with the girl her person and her personal space in the future because he feels like it's his house and she's in his domain

Munnin
Community Member
3 months ago

This family needs counseling; individually and jointly. It would make the blending of two families easier.

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Missy Corron
Community Member
3 months ago

Missing a party is a serious consequence at his age and punishes the friend as well. First, that house was never the 12yo's house!! And it still isn't, it belongs to the adults! Of course it's his home which is different. Your daughter is entitled to the privacy of her room and of her possessions!! You are right to say this is some sibling one-ups-man-ship!! The chair thing "you moves your feets you lose your seats" is a classic sibling action!! Taking a diary or favorite possession out of a room without permission is way above that!!! However the consequences should fit the crime... chores as punishment is unlikely to stop the behavior AND result in feeling like chores are punishment rather than a part of family responsibility. Rather his items should go into time put!!! responsibility.

Missy Corron
Community Member
3 months ago

I meant time out for items. Additionally regular family meetings to decide on family rules, reinforcing family belonging where every member gets a voice and is listened to are super important in blended families. Adolescents are by nature self-centered and don't always get why they need to respect boundaries etc. Once a family is blended, IMHO, it shouldn't be your child or my child - OUR children!!! Parents should decide together and present United front to all the children!!!!

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Patti Vance
Community Member
3 months ago

i don't know how much time the mom and son had to live by themselves before he and his daughter moved in but it sounds like the son is resenting the fact that he has to 'share his' home. the mom should have made it clear that it isn't "their/his" as in mom/son's home but "their" as in all of them being a part of the home. and, yes, brother and sister, whether there is blood between them or not, can be jerks to each other. but, mom needs to step up with her discipline and counsel her son as anything the step dad says can be dismissed in the son's head as in 'you're not my dad' frame of mind.

Kaiti Yoder
Community Member
3 months ago

Agree, mom should be the one handling things. Instead she truthfully screwed over OP by forcing him to have to handle it and be the punisher before the boy and him had a chance to even form a connection and the boy saw him as family instead of an interloper. All she did was ensure the relationship between them went from non-existent, straight to strained.

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David Dazo
Community Member
3 months ago

Most people sound so ignorant in these comments.. One guy says this is borderline child abuse.. Get the F@&$ out of here with that BS

Tricia Georgetti
Community Member
3 months ago

Cracks me up these people are crazy. When I grew up stealing stuff from a sibling was grounds for a asswhopping both by the sibling then the parent. Parents need to parent. To call telling him he can't go to a stupid kids party abuse maybe the craziest s***. I've heard in a long time. We have become a soft society.

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Hoodoo
Community Member
3 months ago

I'm afraid that OP is tryin to pee on a forest fire. 12 yr olds are more than able to discern "right from wrong." That isn't what this is about. It's not about the form of punishment either. Stepson consciously chooses to steal, smart mouth, defy OP, harass daughter, etc because he can. He's also manipulating the dynamic between the spouses because he can. Sounds as though he's had run o things b4 OP & his stepsister arrived & sees no merit in changing things- why should he? His mum shields him from the consequences o his choices. This is a losing battle for a step-parent. Been there. The mum & OP need counseling more than the boy

signore cappelletti
Community Member
3 months ago

.......hope you and your wife get on the same page about this, good luck............

Yulia Yakovenko
Community Member
3 months ago

Before getting grandchild.

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The Last Silent Tiger
Community Member
3 months ago

If Mom thinks invasion of privacy and stealing things is minor, maybe Dad should steal her things and hide them so she can see how it feels and if it really is minor.

GadgetGirl
Community Member
3 months ago

It's disturbing that no one has suggested therapy to the family. For all the reasons brought up here and more.

Not Sweet but Psycho
Community Member
3 months ago

There are a lot of people mentioning how he punishes the daughter different then the son. But they're completely glossing over the fact that what he's doing to her is way worse than normal sibling banter! I have a younger brother, an older brother and an older sister. I feel like we're the living embodiment of sibling banter. We'll steal phone chargers, clothes, books, seats, etc from each other alllll the time. But we would never steal each other's diaries, stuffed animals or things that are super personal. You can tell how many of these people actually have siblings and how many don't.

Marilyn Russell
Community Member
3 months ago

What a monstrous child. He obviously has issues though and needs counselling asap. He’s angry at the breakup of his family and is taking it out on the weakest in the household. Mother should be disciplining him but maybe she’s at her wit’s end.

Tricia Georgetti
Community Member
3 months ago

She's not at her wits end. Its most likely because she isn't a parent. Shes one of those people who treats the kid like her bff so there are no boundaries. Parents need to parent. It's not at hard concept to follow.

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Tyranamar Seuss
Community Member
3 months ago

I agree that the son losing a favorite item for a period of time would've been a more fitting punishment and taught a better lesson. The birthday party happens once a year, was something he was really looking forward to, builds social skills and friendships, and has absolutely nothing to do with stealing. So, while harsh, and clearly expressing the parents displeasure, likely only built resentment and it is unclear it taught any lesson. And helping mom and dad is something you get to do because you are capable and helpful and part of a family. Not because it's a punishment. As far as "It's my house!" LOL. This is just an adolescent fantasy. The boy wishes it was true and that it was just him and mom again. There is no point in getting upset or arguing about it because it's simply not true. It'd be like arguing with him because he said grass was purple. Yes, it used to be your house. Yes I know you wish it still were. But we all live here now.

Munnin
Community Member
3 months ago

Fully agree! And I'd pull out the mortgage statement and tell him the mortgage payment is due for "his house" on the first lol

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Notnow
Community Member
3 months ago

I say either or both parents discipline whichever child has made an offense. He's your son now. Your daughter is your wife's daughter now. Both parents should have equal power to discipline either child. Show no respect. Next time he'd be cutting the grass all summer.

Kaiti Yoder
Community Member
3 months ago

The problem with that idea is that the relationships can't jump straight to that. Before they act like they are family they have to have time to actually become a family unit. They all should have had the ability to bond as a family before he was stepping into a disciplinary role. Mom forced OP into skipping straight to it when OP and SS still had no relationship meaning they jumped straight to a strained relationship.

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Lori Lathrom
Community Member
3 months ago

The mother is making the step-dad the bad guy. By not presenting a united front, she is telling her son, she doesn’t agree with her husband’s actions. They should decide together what their plan of action is going to be in certain scenarios, and then stick with the decisions together. She should present some of the punishments. The commenter who said this situation could deteriorate quickly is correct, and it can irreparably damage a child and destroy a family if not handled correctly.

Scott Robinson
Community Member
3 months ago

Whoever thought of the whole stepchild thing is the a******. My wife and I got together and and her daughter became my daughter and has never been referred to as my stepdaughter. It was about 3 months into our relationship that I realized it was a forever relationship and and at Christmas I told my daughter that that's the best Christmas present I could have was if she called me dad. 37 years later and we have been a happy family since then. I found a little humor in a recent occurrence where an aunt gave me something to drop off with my daughter. The aunt asked my daughter if she had seen Joe (anonymised) and and did Joe give her the items. She had to scratch her head a minute wondering why Joe would have even seen the aunt. She had never called me Joe, always dad. We had a good chuckle :-) Anyway, my take is that we're family, so to Heck with the whole "step" thing!

Jodi Duke
Community Member
3 months ago

I'll play devils advocate because I have three kids and they have each done something similar. It sounded like the son had pretty much stopped taking items. But I think it's curious timing that he took something just a short time before a party he "really wanted to go to." My immediate thought was: maybe he was excited and anxious about the party. Maybe he didn't want to go for some reason you don't know about? And by doing this, he got you to make a decision for him. He no longer has to go and he can blame you entirely.

Doris Hardy
Community Member
3 months ago

The mother is at fault for not disciplining her child. Entering her room uninvited an invasion of privacy. Stealing things is also a problem that needs to be addressed more firmly. He is 12 NOT 7. This is not as trivial as the mom is taking it. Washing dishes is not a punishment for stealing. If his mother is not willing to discipline her son you should consider getting your daughter away from him before irreparable harm has been done.

Anna Banana
Community Member
3 months ago

Why would you move straight to punishing (and by way of chores)?! Has nobody thought to actually goddamn talk to the child?! He's clearly trying to bring their attention to something. Neither of the parents seems to have asked the boy why he is acting up, and if I'm frustrated by this, I can't imagine how an unheard 12 year old is feeling. Punishing and parenting are not the same thing, and the kid could still do a lot of growing if he had an adult around to facilitate that, instead of saying „meh, he's done being raised, let's just punish him now for doing wrong things.”

April Frye
Community Member
3 months ago

The boy was asked. He said he was doing it just to annoy his sister.

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Sanchi
Community Member
2 months ago

The third comment… the mom… “boys will be boys…” how horrible

Jo Garcia
Community Member
3 months ago

If I were that dad, I'd leave that mom. If my daughter were dealing with a stepbrother who might cross a very serious line one day I'd get us both out of there.

Laura Strang
Community Member
3 months ago

I know this feed is asking for our suggestions but every parent sees a right and a wrong to parent their child, so name calling of pointing fingers isn't cool nor productive. So in my opinion I would sit down with my significant other and come up with rules for both kids tailored to each kid, or make the kids come up with their own punishments... have a point system you have to earn 20 pts a day, to have a free weekend. You don't earn those points no free weekend. Gives them accountability, structure, cause and effect... idk might be worth a try..

Sally Forest
Community Member
3 months ago

HOHOL WRITES PUN AT PUB

Kellynn D
Community Member
3 months ago

The punishment the step-dad was coming up with weren't harsh, even missing the party. The mother though... to not realize that, while the other things were petty and minor, a diary, even if unread is not. That's a far more extreme breach of privacy on the other child. It does require far more than just doing the dishes. She needs to start actually disciplining her son, and especially after his outburst about "his" house. It's not "his", it's his mother's at the least, and she says what rooms he can enter.

Rebecca Bryson
Community Member
3 months ago

Ohhh nooo.. I'm all for punishment and discipline.. but grounding him from the bday party is only going to create resentment and escalate already existing issues. The mother of the boy should be doing the disciplining. Albeit the kids antagonize each other.. one wrong does not make a right. They should both be disciplined equally. The issue is the boy has not adjusted to the invasion of his home by a new male. I personally believe family counseling may be necessary. It would be insightful to find out what the young mans deeply routed feelings and thoughts are. We don't have the whole story here as we don't know what the situation is with the boys biological father.. is he dead, was it a divorce, what kind of relationship he has with his son and had if it at all existed. For myself.. every time he took something that was not his, he would lose possession of something that belongs to him for a period of time. If that doesn't work, a lock for the young ladies room.

Rebecca Bryson
Community Member
3 months ago

Rooted.. it was a typo

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Dorothy Cordova
Community Member
3 months ago

It's all about the territory. You really need to rent or buy a new home with both of the kids having a say. The party was not a fair take away. Losing something of his is. And your daughter needs a lock and key. Family therapy seems so important here.

Mer☕️🧭☕️
Community Member
2 months ago

Sad situation...therapy recommended for all involved...plus locks on the girl's door. Could be generic 12 year old irritated/confused boy behavior but I don't care...can't be allowed to continue. Dad's trying but mom's zoning out and pretending all is well. All ain't well.

Tiffany M
Community Member
3 months ago

Just bad parenting all around. Reading articles like this make me think that forced sterilization was a good idea, but government was doing it to the wrong people. I mean how the hell do you get married and not have a plan for how you're going to discipline the kids? This ain't new, but you sure are stupid.

Mary Anne Trailor
Community Member
3 months ago

When talking to your wife about the boy's punishment, liken him going into his step-sister's room with going into your bedroom and going through you and your wife's things. Sex toys, underwear, jewelry, etc. Because that could be the next step.

Yulia Yakovenko
Community Member
3 months ago

Gosh, whan the Dad going to be alert? When he found SS penis in his dither? Or when she got pregnant? 12 and 11 is not kids, they are pre-tens! This age could be horrible: curiosity about sex are extreme, knowledge is from porno, thinking/self control are still childish. Boy can do things he will ashamed for life, because he is still a child, but drawn by hormones. Put a lock on her door, she is a yang lady not a toddler.

Sarah Conner
Community Member
3 months ago

The "GOOD BOOK" says: Every man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD pondereth the heart. According to the writer of this post, I believe that he feels like this step-kid and everyone in this blended family generally has a good heart. So let's start with that. Parents are sensitive to their children and in this case the mom is feeling concerned that they are being too hard on her sensitive baby boy, although he has become deviant to a fault. She agrees that he should be punished, but feels like the punishments are making everything worse, and not better. He isn't learning anything except that Step-dad is ruining his life, and also invading his territory as he previously held the role of *Alpha male* in the home. Step-dad is feeling overwhelmed with pressure from his daughters need for privacy and protection from the step-child of the opposite sex. This is COMPLETELY WARRANTED. I believe step-mom agrees, but the crime doesn't match the punishment. To be continued.🤬word limit

Cyndi Fairburn
Community Member
3 months ago

A parent needs to learn to separate their emotion for their child from the discipline. Seems as if the wife hasn't learned this yet. This won't work if both parents aren't consistent. Doing chores is a very appropriate consequence. So is not going to an event they've been anticipating. Discipline should be thought out, planned, and be one that has an impact on that child just negatively enough that they will think about their behavior. Mom has to have a talk with her son to make it clear, that now they are all a family, it is not his house it is THEIR house. They aren't divided, they are a unit. Dad, you're doing good showing discipline with love. Mom, you need to be a parent so son learns to respect others, exert self control, and know when not to antagonize. Also if the daughter is aggravating the son, that has to get nipped in the bud so she doesn't think she is exempt from discipline. Balance.

Sabrina Iglesia
Community Member
3 months ago

The kid brought up how his daughter does things to him for a reason. You are not listening to him. If you really want this to stop you need to open your eyes. It's not just the armchair. You need to talk to him one on one not because he is in trouble. But to find out the truth behind his behavior. Think about it there is other ways to annoy your siblings but he is going above. She is annoying him but it sounds like her punishment is to just apologize meanwhile he is doing labor. He may feel like why aren't you seeing all the stuff she is doing to me. Or maybe it may be something else and he is acting out. But if you are being truthful about the way they get along then there should be no reason to annoy her and get himself punish. He sounds like a smart kid.

Annette
Community Member
3 months ago

The boy is 12 years old, it is a little late to make much of an impression. Particularly if the parents don't behave as a united front. The girl is in a pacarious position. If I where her father we would move out.

Phoenix Draughn
Community Member
3 months ago

The person who said something about about taking his door makes me p*ssed. I would get mine taken off just for locking my door (like when I was CHANGING) the longest my door was off was like 6 months(ish) then Covid started and I moved in with my grandparents because I was tired of being treated the way I was (there was a LOT of stuff, especially verbal and emotional abuse) I was 16 when I moved, I'm 18 now

Yulia Yakovenko
Community Member
3 months ago

Angry, give both kids a lock on the door and lock on bathroom. They need privacy, they are old anough for that. Both.

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Pattii Mcmath
Community Member
3 months ago (edited)

I don't think that you as the stepfather are being hard on him I think you are nipping a really dangerous bud. Microaggressions towards women start when men are young. The fact that he told you that this was his house and that it's your daughter that he is picking on by touching her private things going into her private space would be sending enormous red flags to me. You all need to get into some counseling and figure out how to deal with this as parents and as a family. But you are absolutely NTA. It is your job as her father to protect your daughter regardless of your marriage situation. if these children were six and seven I would say it differently but he's almost a teenager and this is where it all starts. Put a lock on yours and your daughter's door that locks from both sides that gives possession to the key holder. I would say mother needs to step up her game but I wonder if she was treated that way by the boy's father because this is learned behavior. Get professional help!

phillipe baccam
Community Member
3 months ago

The boy needs a good a*s kick is all. He's gonna be a perve it sounds like

David Mullin
Community Member
3 months ago

Kid has a sense of entitlement and authority. Mother thinks this is normal sibling rivalry. It's not.

David Connolly
Community Member
3 months ago

The no party punishment was exactly what was needed. Hopefully it will put this kid in his place.

True
Community Member
3 months ago

Chores are not punishment. Also, his mom is the problem. He is disrespectful to women and she nurses his disrespect. This is not going to end well. At 12 years old he knows what he is doing and needs a little professional help. The mother/wife might have jealousy issues with your daughter if she never steps in. She is a female and she never steps in to protect the little girl in her house, I just can't believe she allows her son to violate her. Something is off with her, was she violated as a child? Why is she so passive? Be careful with this and stop discipling the step son, and tell your wife it's weird for her not to discipline her own kid. That mess is going to ware thin on the marriage. This was alarming to read, I have a son and a daughter and I talk....well I preach about respect and boundaries....good luck, you seem like a great guy but this is going to take a dark turn if step son isn't stopped, protect your daughter, she is going to hit puberty soon

Holly Hobby
Community Member
3 months ago

As a step parent (speaking from exp) you should never discipline the step child. It's a boundary that should be left to the parents. I never disciplined his daughters and he didn't discipline my son. It's just a boundary to never cross. No matter who is thought to be at fault don't point fingers. You need to set healthy boundaries within the family and abide by them. Nothing wrong w family counseling, either. Counseling isn't an indication of failure.

Lois Forbes
Community Member
3 months ago

Wouldn't that be a lovely fantasy, lol, says the wicked stepchild. I was punished & smacked by both. They "met in July, fell in love in Aug, got married in Sept." I ran away a month after the wedding. (We lived in her apt until he finished painting, repairs, etc. on our house). He threatened the woman I ran to, with the cops, so I went home the next day (actually a good thing). My Dad had been a widower for at least 10 yrs. Never dated or anything. We (my dad, his wife, her son, daughter and dog) were back in my house by Dec. But my brother & sister were gone; and my dog wasn't even allowed upstairs any more (she shed🙄). With my siblings gone, I had no one. The parents (as my step-sister and I referred to them) married less rhan 2 mos before I was 15. I moved out just over a yr and a half later. Best. Move. Ever!! (More than 50 yrs later, I still remember the relief as the cab pulled away from the house. I felt like I could finally breathe) My little sister (step) also left at 16.

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Donna
Community Member
3 months ago

Sell the house and you and your wife buy one together. The issue is the house. You moved into his house and became top dog. Your stepson see's the house as his and his mother's, therefore he can do what he wants. He's fighting you not her.

Tricia Georgetti
Community Member
3 months ago

There are soooooo many things wrong with this situation and none have to do with the daughter or dad. First off that kid is a menace. I have serious concern for that girl as they get older. He just barges in and takes stuff what happens when he barges in and she's naked? This isn't a far leap. This kid has zero impulse control. He needs punishments. No party today if he does it again he cuts the lawn every Saturday all summer. My father would always say "Oh you want to play that game?" if my sister and I would try and test them. The 2nd puishment was always much worse than the first. The mother is just as bad. She has taught her son no boundaries or respect for anyone adult or otherwise. This kid is going to have a lot of problems adjusting to the real world. The reason crime is thru the roof today is bc people have gotten soft so criminals have no consequences. Sometimes punishment is the only solution.

Brenda
Community Member
3 months ago

He stole it. He needs a punishment he'll remember to make an impact on him. My mom would have been much harder. But you and wife need to be united

Veen
Community Member
3 months ago

This Is a recipe for disaster. If the mom wasn't "strict" (even tho these "punishments" aren't strict) before you married her, you can't expect her to start being that way all of a sudden. She's going to start to resent you for this. And no way step dad would discipline my child unless he's been there for years prior to preteen age. The son is going to resent you because you're "punishing" him and you're not his dad. Sounds like he already is because he threw the fact that you're in his house in your face. He is going to start resenting your daughter as well because he feels like he gets in trouble for annoying her but she doesn't get in trouble for annoying him. And your daughter is going to resent the son because she is tired of him taking her things. I think he crossed the line with the diary. Sorry but I don't see this lasting if things continue this way. Get a Lock for her door. Because clearly he is not going to stop any other way.

Tricia Georgetti
Community Member
3 months ago

He says they have been living there for years

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Daniel Starrett
Community Member
3 months ago

First off, you're NTA (you're wife however is borderline TA). What you're stepson is doing, is NOT "normal" behavior; nor is it a minor offense. The reality is he can legally be charged with stalking, harassment, intimidation, theft, illegal entry and more. Yes, he can be charged with ALL of this, meaning he could face numerous years in lock up, and depending on the state, even register as a predator. Here's some advice for all of you: 1. When you and you're wife got married,I don't care where you live, you both became legally responsible for the others child. There is no, he is her son so the stepdad has less, or no, authority, or she is his daughter so the stepmom has less, or no, authority. Plain and simple, you are BOTH parents to BOTH kids. This you BOTH hand out discipline as needed. In regards to you and you're daughter moving in with your wife and now son... The house is YOURS AND YOUR WIFES. It is NOT the son or daughter's. You need to teach your kids this fact.

Daniel Starrett
Community Member
3 months ago

2. You ALL need counseling. Family counseling. Marriage counseling. Individual counseling. It would not harm you and your wife to take a couple parenting classes either. NOT because what you've done is wrong, but to get more ideas, suggestions, and education in regards to raising your kids. Your wide especially needs this if she feels your son's behavior is minor and just typical boyhood behavior. The parenting classes will tell her the same thing I did in the beginning about how he can be charged.

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#iwriteitall
Community Member
3 months ago (edited)

Despite your good intentions and wanting to be step daddy of the year he's not your son and therefore your wife has to be the main disciplinarian behind this with of course your full support so you appear as a united front for both children i.e if mum says xyz I agree with xyz if you don't fine discuss that out of ear shot. Now in the wild you pair would fight over being alpha male and mark territory etc as humans we aren't much different you sir have come in with your daughter and invaded his territory granted he's only 12 but up to that point it was just him and his mum, you moving into there house in his mind his house that he was man of and by the sounds of ruled and ran rings round his mum for 12 years then all of a sudden your going to step in and stop him hmm I forsee a larger rebellion on the horizon, id let him Go to the party last minute but remind him you didn't have to, if he does anything again, I'd remove everything from his room see how he likes it.

Tricia Georgetti
Community Member
3 months ago

He said they have been living together for years! He is a fathe they live together full time why wouldn't he be allowed to discipline him?

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Ronda Marie
Community Member
3 months ago

Both mom and dad are ah. Stepson has an unresolved issue that has been staring you in the face the whole time. You say step son is not punished enough but your daughter is referenced only slightly and basically gets away with her hiding. It does not sound like they are happy as siblings. In fact it sounds like possibly daughter is lying, and setting stepson up which he Reacts to. Stepson is not happy with you taking his place or his father's. You stepped into HIS terrortory without the respect for taking it without asking. OP shows he is doing the Same behavior, unapologetic and is a hypocrites as he doing the same but on adult level. Mom should have had deep discussions before OP moved in. Your not asking the right questions either. OP should respect mom's view and stay out of it as OP seems to forget how much it hurt him to have OP move into HIS home. He is acting out because your not listening. It is not really your place to single handedly decide his punishments or wrong doings.

Dozier Vick
Community Member
3 months ago

You're doing well, mom needs to support you like you do her. Removing the door wouldn't mean lost privacy. He could be creative to get it, or do right and earn privacy. He's stealing by removing the door if shows him what jail is like without the bars.privacy is a privilege not a right. That's what my son learned when I took his door off, and propped it in the doorway. (Door is his, hinges, Are mine)

Misty Souders
Community Member
3 months ago

N T A. but mom needs a reality check. ANYTIME av12 year old says AND DOES the stuff he has been doing and VIOLATING her privacy buy saying This is my house. ILL DO AS I PLEASE. This needs to BE ADDRESSED post hast. My son TRIED it one time. I DIDN'T PUNISH him. I SPANKED HIS BUTT and DULY informed. It WAS NOT HIS house bbhe was BROKE and OWNED NOTHING. Until he was OLD ENOUGH all of. HIS STUFF WAS M IN E and could and would be taken away FOR abs ATTITUDE problem. The same shenanigans that her son is pulling. STOPPED POST HAST.A. YOUR wife NEEDS TO PARENT. AND YOUR doing a FABULOUS 👌 job

I've been watching you since
Community Member
3 months ago

I totally agree with the comment advising him to install a lock for her room and bathroom. Breaking in and taking things can escalate to other things VERY quickly as long as he has the mentality that "it's HIS house and he can go where he wants, take what he wants, and do what he wants". Hope he's taken some of the advice here and things have gotten a bit better.

Yulia Yakovenko
Community Member
3 months ago

Angry with one additional thing, both kids rooms must get lock in the same time, bk they're siblings of different gender. Equity can prevent escalation. He needs privacy as well.

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Nicole Kosanke
Community Member
3 months ago

It's extremely concerning that the stepson has openly stated that he feels he has the right to enter her room whenever he feels like it, without knocking or asking permission. It's bad enough when they're 11 and 12, but a few years down the road he's going to be barging into her room whenever she's getting changed and insisting he's not doing anything wrong since it's "his house." Regardless of how they discipline the stepson going forward, his daughter neefs a good lock on her door ASAP.

Clara Stallworth
Community Member
3 months ago

NTA, and the boy has just escalated things by stealing his step-sister's diary! It was bad enough that he stole relatively minor things such as a pen or a teddy bear (although they're sentimental to your daughter). But a diary is much more personal, as it contains her thoughts, emotions, etc, written down on paper. By stealing her diary, stepson has access to those things, and with social media and technology, they will be broadcast to a wider audience that has NO business to them. If he had gone to that party, who knows what he would've shared (sure, he may promise he wouldn't do it, but he's been proven to be untrustworthy before). Mom didn't help matters much by suggesting her son do chores, but you wanted the punishment to fit the crime, so he was forbidden to go to the party. You may also want to ensure that he's not sharing info from the diary online (texts, photos, screenshots, etc) by taking away his computer, phone and other devices.

LezAnne Edmond
Community Member
3 months ago

While I agree totally, that the son should be disciplined, chores should NOT be used as punishment! Chores teach children RESPONSIBILITY and should perhaps be used to earn money and/or privileges! His mother along with her husband needs to emphasize that they are a FAMILY, and the house is THEIRS, and that all live there together and he does not have the right to disrespect ANYONE!

Lynlee
Community Member
3 months ago

Look this worries me because the stepson is viewing EVERYTHING in this house as HIS property including the girl. At what point does it escalate to him hurting this girl. If he is taking her things then when does he start to "take" her? Very unsettling.....

John Wilson
Community Member
3 months ago

The comment about it being his (and his Mothers) house is the red flag that justifies the punishment. That way of thinking needs stamping on immediately. He's nearly a teen with hormones scrambling his brain, which can turn boys into somewhat AH's for a few years, so hopefully he doesn't think that way deep down. You are def right to have clear boundaries to negotiate the next few years. Best you can do is be a calm guiding, but firm, Father figure (without trying to replace his biological Dad). Hope it all works out in the long run.

Leslie Burleson
Community Member
3 months ago

I think the punishment fit the crime . If he hadn't added yelling at you to his crimes I'd think maybe you were a bit tough... but that's two pretty serious behaviors and I think it's important to set them right immediately. That's how punishment works . You don't get grounded when it's convenient to you . You do the time when you do the crime. If you give that inch and give a lesser punishment there is no boundary being created there. It's meant to hurt

Sadie Lynn
Community Member
3 months ago (edited)

The problem here is he didn't deal with it immediately. This has been going on for some time by OP's admissions. They should have nipped it in the bud the very first time it happened. Show both children the importance of privacy. Then give both children locks on their doors and when they are to be used and when they are not. A lock on the bathroom door should be common sense. But as we know, not everyone has that these days. Mom and OP has let this continue with meaningless punishments of doing extra chores. Chores should be done regardless and never used as a punishment. It's a life skill and work ethic and should be done regardless, not a tool for punishment. But for the most part I completely agree with you on this.

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David Dazo
Community Member
3 months ago

When people say you have no right to discipline a child who isn't biological when your a step parent I think your actually really stupid.. So I have to pay and take care then.. Feed and clothe them but also let them walk all over me?? You have to be dumb as hell to believe that..

The IRS
Community Member
3 months ago

As long as both kids get similar punishments I see no issue with it.

gina guarnieri
Community Member
3 months ago

Your wife will always be in competition with your daughter; ergo the light consequences for her son. (Like, DUH, please) Make sure you provide protection for your daughter from both your wife and her son. Locks on her room. %1000 percent. Get a lock for your own room and/or study. Get a lock for the son's room. Keep the keys. Make sure at least once a week you all go out to eat together. Make the Mountain into a mole hill. Stay in control. Make positive memories with your daughter separately from your wife and her son. Make positive memories with her son separate from her. Make positive memories with her. She's not your daughter's mother. She will always, and I mean always, be in competition with her. Keep your wife happy. DO NOT punish her son. SHE WILL HATE YOU. I don't care what anyone else says here. She will. Take him fishing. Hunting. Bowling. Help him be a man. And keep him the F away from your daughter. Learn some comments sense. F punishment. Be in control

Raven Blackstone
Community Member
3 months ago

Out of my own curiosity having had 3 step sisters in my life when I was growing up who would lie steal and accuse me how exactly do you know he took the stuff you never actually list that and instead ur conversation actually just seems 1 sided which I'm surprised nobody else realized either. Exactly what punishment do you give your daughter because from the story it sounds like u just tell her not to do that again and do nothing about it. My 3 step sisters grew up to be drug addicts 1 stole a cop car when she was 16 and I'm the only one who actually has never drank never done drugs and never stolen a damn thing. So just saying maybe ur little girl ain't as innocent as your story makes her out to be.

Miah Shawn
Community Member
3 months ago

She's not sneaking into anyones room and stealing s**t so how is this on the daughter? The only thing the kid could think of that she did to him was steal his favorite seat every once in a while and make the horrible mistake kf being in "his" house. Obviously the kid is acting out because he doesn't like the new family dynamic but invading the privacy of others repeatedly even after being punished is just going to escalate if they don't get him help soon. What's he going to do next? Start destroying the stuff he steals? Start beating his sister when he doesn't get his way? Your anecdotes mean nothing because you aren't this child and he isn't you.

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Rebekah Gibson
Community Member
3 months ago

First off your daughter needs to get over it okay I'm taking stupid s*** like that who cares if she's getting offended and upset about it then she's part of the problem you raised a girl who apparently can't handle s*** on her own so what's going to happen when she's 1620 25 years old and she's going to need daddy to help and two you're harder on him because he's not yours and the more you push at him the more he's going to resent you and hate you and the harder your life is going to be so keep it up maybe you'll end up getting a divorce because your wife can't stand it anymore you're being stupid about things

Bryan GC
Community Member
3 months ago

I miss the days where we could discipline kids with a belt or a sandal without getting into a Social Services drama. Lets be honest, that works wonders. My brother and I were raised like that by a single mom and neither him or I have bad habits, problems or are disrespectful and we love our mom as no one else.

Momagator
Community Member
3 months ago

I’m a fairly strict parent, with little tolerance of teasing, and this behaviour wouldn’t be on my radar. This is such normal, petty sibling behaviour. What are they going to do if either child gets in real trouble? How will they escalate the punishment to fit the crime? I have a policy of not taking away an event that can’t be replaced. This step-father is doing more damage to his relationships than he is discipline.

Bryn
Community Member
3 months ago

Stealing belongings is not normal child behavior, especially if it's been repeated reprimanded. There are other issues going on here with the stepson and that needs to be dealt with.

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kit kat
Community Member
3 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

You went too far. He'll resent you and your daughter and this will create a rift. There are other alternatives for punishment but this wasn't it

Ozacoter
Community Member
3 months ago

How is missing a bday party "going too dar"? Seriously...

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RaroaRaroa
Community Member
3 months ago

The mother is the worst in this, from what I can tell. She's not disciplining her own child, but leaving it to her husband to do - effectively driving a wedge into her own family. Doing this over and over, even when punished, shows the punishments haven't been strong enough - either that or it is some sort of compulsive behaviour and he needs proper help. Only issue now is, that he may view missing the party as being as bad as it gets, so will carry on because he can't see what else they could do that is worse. Taking away his phone, games console, whatever he has for increasing periods of time is probably the best plan. Then professional help if that doesn't work, before it gets dangerous.

Ozacoter
Community Member
3 months ago

I agree, its the mothers fault. She does not seem to believe in punishments. I am sorry but doing the dishes is not a punishment for stealing. And she does not seem to really care much for the daughter

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Weed in the Garden
Community Member
3 months ago

I read this almost as soon as it was posted and was going to comment but censored myself because this is such a volatile topic and there are bound to be many stongly differing opinions. But the post kept popping back up, so here goes...I am the product of a 'blended' family (blended meaning divorced and remarried parents and the resulting step and 1/2 siblings). We grew up addressing ourselves as family, not step mom or step dad, step sister/brother. We were just a family with additional moms, dads and kids. His, mine, ours, theirs was NEVER allowed between the adults or the kids. There was conflict between the divorced parents but luckily for all of the children involved, it was minimized, explained and dealt with matter-of-factly. A marriage involving children won't work well for all involved parties when finger-pointing, selfishness and blame are part of the dialog because you are a step-parent or step-child. You're a family now, for better or worse - stop the division.

Not_Tellin
Community Member
3 months ago

The way this guy refers to, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter. And and the boy is the step.. I'm sorry, there are just so many things wrong with the adults in this situation.

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Nikki Sevven
Community Member
3 months ago

Pretty much ESH. Mom, you need to parent your own child instead of making your husband be TA every time. Dad, your stepson isn't learning anything from your punishments, as evidenced by the fact that he continues to misbehave and his mom condones it. Lastly, the punishment doesn't fit the crime. Instead of chores, take away something he loves for a week every time he violates daughter's privacy and takes something of hers. And this should be done by mom, not you, because mom is the real problem here.

Mari Scott
Community Member
3 months ago

Yes, I think Mom married the guy because she needed someone to stand up to her kid. She doesn't want to be the bad guy, instead she sits back while her son bullies the family.

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Megan Boomershine
Community Member
3 months ago

Id just be afraid of the boy taking liberties with the girl her person and her personal space in the future because he feels like it's his house and she's in his domain

Munnin
Community Member
3 months ago

This family needs counseling; individually and jointly. It would make the blending of two families easier.

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Missy Corron
Community Member
3 months ago

Missing a party is a serious consequence at his age and punishes the friend as well. First, that house was never the 12yo's house!! And it still isn't, it belongs to the adults! Of course it's his home which is different. Your daughter is entitled to the privacy of her room and of her possessions!! You are right to say this is some sibling one-ups-man-ship!! The chair thing "you moves your feets you lose your seats" is a classic sibling action!! Taking a diary or favorite possession out of a room without permission is way above that!!! However the consequences should fit the crime... chores as punishment is unlikely to stop the behavior AND result in feeling like chores are punishment rather than a part of family responsibility. Rather his items should go into time put!!! responsibility.

Missy Corron
Community Member
3 months ago

I meant time out for items. Additionally regular family meetings to decide on family rules, reinforcing family belonging where every member gets a voice and is listened to are super important in blended families. Adolescents are by nature self-centered and don't always get why they need to respect boundaries etc. Once a family is blended, IMHO, it shouldn't be your child or my child - OUR children!!! Parents should decide together and present United front to all the children!!!!

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Patti Vance
Community Member
3 months ago

i don't know how much time the mom and son had to live by themselves before he and his daughter moved in but it sounds like the son is resenting the fact that he has to 'share his' home. the mom should have made it clear that it isn't "their/his" as in mom/son's home but "their" as in all of them being a part of the home. and, yes, brother and sister, whether there is blood between them or not, can be jerks to each other. but, mom needs to step up with her discipline and counsel her son as anything the step dad says can be dismissed in the son's head as in 'you're not my dad' frame of mind.

Kaiti Yoder
Community Member
3 months ago

Agree, mom should be the one handling things. Instead she truthfully screwed over OP by forcing him to have to handle it and be the punisher before the boy and him had a chance to even form a connection and the boy saw him as family instead of an interloper. All she did was ensure the relationship between them went from non-existent, straight to strained.

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David Dazo
Community Member
3 months ago

Most people sound so ignorant in these comments.. One guy says this is borderline child abuse.. Get the F@&$ out of here with that BS

Tricia Georgetti
Community Member
3 months ago

Cracks me up these people are crazy. When I grew up stealing stuff from a sibling was grounds for a asswhopping both by the sibling then the parent. Parents need to parent. To call telling him he can't go to a stupid kids party abuse maybe the craziest s***. I've heard in a long time. We have become a soft society.

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Hoodoo
Community Member
3 months ago

I'm afraid that OP is tryin to pee on a forest fire. 12 yr olds are more than able to discern "right from wrong." That isn't what this is about. It's not about the form of punishment either. Stepson consciously chooses to steal, smart mouth, defy OP, harass daughter, etc because he can. He's also manipulating the dynamic between the spouses because he can. Sounds as though he's had run o things b4 OP & his stepsister arrived & sees no merit in changing things- why should he? His mum shields him from the consequences o his choices. This is a losing battle for a step-parent. Been there. The mum & OP need counseling more than the boy

signore cappelletti
Community Member
3 months ago

.......hope you and your wife get on the same page about this, good luck............

Yulia Yakovenko
Community Member
3 months ago

Before getting grandchild.

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The Last Silent Tiger
Community Member
3 months ago

If Mom thinks invasion of privacy and stealing things is minor, maybe Dad should steal her things and hide them so she can see how it feels and if it really is minor.

GadgetGirl
Community Member
3 months ago

It's disturbing that no one has suggested therapy to the family. For all the reasons brought up here and more.

Not Sweet but Psycho
Community Member
3 months ago

There are a lot of people mentioning how he punishes the daughter different then the son. But they're completely glossing over the fact that what he's doing to her is way worse than normal sibling banter! I have a younger brother, an older brother and an older sister. I feel like we're the living embodiment of sibling banter. We'll steal phone chargers, clothes, books, seats, etc from each other alllll the time. But we would never steal each other's diaries, stuffed animals or things that are super personal. You can tell how many of these people actually have siblings and how many don't.

Marilyn Russell
Community Member
3 months ago

What a monstrous child. He obviously has issues though and needs counselling asap. He’s angry at the breakup of his family and is taking it out on the weakest in the household. Mother should be disciplining him but maybe she’s at her wit’s end.

Tricia Georgetti
Community Member
3 months ago

She's not at her wits end. Its most likely because she isn't a parent. Shes one of those people who treats the kid like her bff so there are no boundaries. Parents need to parent. It's not at hard concept to follow.

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Tyranamar Seuss
Community Member
3 months ago

I agree that the son losing a favorite item for a period of time would've been a more fitting punishment and taught a better lesson. The birthday party happens once a year, was something he was really looking forward to, builds social skills and friendships, and has absolutely nothing to do with stealing. So, while harsh, and clearly expressing the parents displeasure, likely only built resentment and it is unclear it taught any lesson. And helping mom and dad is something you get to do because you are capable and helpful and part of a family. Not because it's a punishment. As far as "It's my house!" LOL. This is just an adolescent fantasy. The boy wishes it was true and that it was just him and mom again. There is no point in getting upset or arguing about it because it's simply not true. It'd be like arguing with him because he said grass was purple. Yes, it used to be your house. Yes I know you wish it still were. But we all live here now.

Munnin
Community Member
3 months ago

Fully agree! And I'd pull out the mortgage statement and tell him the mortgage payment is due for "his house" on the first lol

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Notnow
Community Member
3 months ago

I say either or both parents discipline whichever child has made an offense. He's your son now. Your daughter is your wife's daughter now. Both parents should have equal power to discipline either child. Show no respect. Next time he'd be cutting the grass all summer.

Kaiti Yoder
Community Member
3 months ago

The problem with that idea is that the relationships can't jump straight to that. Before they act like they are family they have to have time to actually become a family unit. They all should have had the ability to bond as a family before he was stepping into a disciplinary role. Mom forced OP into skipping straight to it when OP and SS still had no relationship meaning they jumped straight to a strained relationship.

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Lori Lathrom
Community Member
3 months ago

The mother is making the step-dad the bad guy. By not presenting a united front, she is telling her son, she doesn’t agree with her husband’s actions. They should decide together what their plan of action is going to be in certain scenarios, and then stick with the decisions together. She should present some of the punishments. The commenter who said this situation could deteriorate quickly is correct, and it can irreparably damage a child and destroy a family if not handled correctly.

Scott Robinson
Community Member
3 months ago

Whoever thought of the whole stepchild thing is the a******. My wife and I got together and and her daughter became my daughter and has never been referred to as my stepdaughter. It was about 3 months into our relationship that I realized it was a forever relationship and and at Christmas I told my daughter that that's the best Christmas present I could have was if she called me dad. 37 years later and we have been a happy family since then. I found a little humor in a recent occurrence where an aunt gave me something to drop off with my daughter. The aunt asked my daughter if she had seen Joe (anonymised) and and did Joe give her the items. She had to scratch her head a minute wondering why Joe would have even seen the aunt. She had never called me Joe, always dad. We had a good chuckle :-) Anyway, my take is that we're family, so to Heck with the whole "step" thing!

Jodi Duke
Community Member
3 months ago

I'll play devils advocate because I have three kids and they have each done something similar. It sounded like the son had pretty much stopped taking items. But I think it's curious timing that he took something just a short time before a party he "really wanted to go to." My immediate thought was: maybe he was excited and anxious about the party. Maybe he didn't want to go for some reason you don't know about? And by doing this, he got you to make a decision for him. He no longer has to go and he can blame you entirely.

Doris Hardy
Community Member
3 months ago

The mother is at fault for not disciplining her child. Entering her room uninvited an invasion of privacy. Stealing things is also a problem that needs to be addressed more firmly. He is 12 NOT 7. This is not as trivial as the mom is taking it. Washing dishes is not a punishment for stealing. If his mother is not willing to discipline her son you should consider getting your daughter away from him before irreparable harm has been done.

Anna Banana
Community Member
3 months ago

Why would you move straight to punishing (and by way of chores)?! Has nobody thought to actually goddamn talk to the child?! He's clearly trying to bring their attention to something. Neither of the parents seems to have asked the boy why he is acting up, and if I'm frustrated by this, I can't imagine how an unheard 12 year old is feeling. Punishing and parenting are not the same thing, and the kid could still do a lot of growing if he had an adult around to facilitate that, instead of saying „meh, he's done being raised, let's just punish him now for doing wrong things.”

April Frye
Community Member
3 months ago

The boy was asked. He said he was doing it just to annoy his sister.

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Sanchi
Community Member
2 months ago

The third comment… the mom… “boys will be boys…” how horrible

Jo Garcia
Community Member
3 months ago

If I were that dad, I'd leave that mom. If my daughter were dealing with a stepbrother who might cross a very serious line one day I'd get us both out of there.

Laura Strang
Community Member
3 months ago

I know this feed is asking for our suggestions but every parent sees a right and a wrong to parent their child, so name calling of pointing fingers isn't cool nor productive. So in my opinion I would sit down with my significant other and come up with rules for both kids tailored to each kid, or make the kids come up with their own punishments... have a point system you have to earn 20 pts a day, to have a free weekend. You don't earn those points no free weekend. Gives them accountability, structure, cause and effect... idk might be worth a try..

Sally Forest
Community Member
3 months ago

HOHOL WRITES PUN AT PUB

Kellynn D
Community Member
3 months ago

The punishment the step-dad was coming up with weren't harsh, even missing the party. The mother though... to not realize that, while the other things were petty and minor, a diary, even if unread is not. That's a far more extreme breach of privacy on the other child. It does require far more than just doing the dishes. She needs to start actually disciplining her son, and especially after his outburst about "his" house. It's not "his", it's his mother's at the least, and she says what rooms he can enter.

Rebecca Bryson
Community Member
3 months ago

Ohhh nooo.. I'm all for punishment and discipline.. but grounding him from the bday party is only going to create resentment and escalate already existing issues. The mother of the boy should be doing the disciplining. Albeit the kids antagonize each other.. one wrong does not make a right. They should both be disciplined equally. The issue is the boy has not adjusted to the invasion of his home by a new male. I personally believe family counseling may be necessary. It would be insightful to find out what the young mans deeply routed feelings and thoughts are. We don't have the whole story here as we don't know what the situation is with the boys biological father.. is he dead, was it a divorce, what kind of relationship he has with his son and had if it at all existed. For myself.. every time he took something that was not his, he would lose possession of something that belongs to him for a period of time. If that doesn't work, a lock for the young ladies room.

Rebecca Bryson
Community Member
3 months ago

Rooted.. it was a typo

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Dorothy Cordova
Community Member
3 months ago

It's all about the territory. You really need to rent or buy a new home with both of the kids having a say. The party was not a fair take away. Losing something of his is. And your daughter needs a lock and key. Family therapy seems so important here.