Hey Pandas, AITA For Not Becoming My Sister’s Safety Net After Her Breakup?

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I (29F) live alone in a small two-bedroom apartment. I work full-time, and I am pretty strict with how I manage my space and schedule. My younger sister, we’ll call her “Lily” (23F), has always been the opposite. Growing up, she was the favorite in the family. My parents would constantly bail her out of trouble, whether it was failing classes or losing jobs. I had to be the responsible one and help with bills as soon as I could.

About a year ago, our father passed away. My mother became emotionally dependent on my sister, and for a while, they lived together

Modern kitchen with stainless steel appliances and a dining table, illustrating a home setting for siblings discussing moving in.

Image credits: Francesca Tosolini (not the actual photo)

But Lily has a habit of bouncing from one intense relationship to another, and right now she is in the middle of a breakup with her current boyfriend. According to her, he “would not support her dreams,” and she left him because he did not want to pay her rent while she figured herself out. That is her wording, not mine.

Last week, at around 11 PM, she texted that she was coming over to stay “for a few days.” I did not respond because I was already asleep

Person standing at doorway holding two large suitcases, depicting refusal to let sister move in after arriving.

Image credits: Kit (not the actual photo)

The next morning, I woke up to her knocking on my door with two huge suitcases, fully expecting to move in.

I told her she could come inside so we could talk, but she immediately began unpacking in my spare room. I told her to stop. I asked her how long she expected to stay. She shrugged and said, “Until things settle.” When I asked what that meant, she said “a few months.”

I told her that was not possible. I work long hours, I need quiet, and I cannot financially or emotionally support her. She started crying, saying I was abandoning her just like everyone else, and that our father would be ashamed of me. That hit hard, because our father and I were very close. But I stood my ground. I told her she could stay one or two nights, but after that, she needed to find another option.

She called our mother, who, of course, took her side. Now my mother is calling me cold and heartless, and saying I am punishing my sister for being “sensitive”

Woman covering her face with her hand, expressing distress related to refusing to let sister move in with suitcases present.

Image credits: Mehrpouya H (not the actual photo)

Lily is posting vague messages online about being “betrayed by family.” My cousins are messaging me asking what is happening.

I feel awful. The spare room is technically available, and part of me wonders if I could have handled it with more compassion. But I also know from experience that if I let her move in, she will not leave. I will become her safety net again, and I cannot afford that emotionally or financially.

AITA for not letting my sister move in when she clearly needs help?

Moderator’s note

Please be aware that the images used in this article are illustrative only and do not depict the actual people or events described.

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