“AITA For Telling My Fiance I’m Locking Myself In The Room For The Rest Of The Vacation Because I’m Tired Of Holding His Sister’s Kid?”
It would probably be safe to assume that not many people enjoy babysitting. It is work that requires a great deal of patience and focus so that the baby stays safe as well as entertained. In short, babysitting isn’t easy, and if you don’t enjoy it, it’s even tougher. Especially if you’re on holiday, probably the last thing you are going to want to do is spend all your time and attention on a toddler. Also, if you have children of your own already, babysitting somebody else’s kids is probably pretty difficult too, considering you spend a lot of time babysitting already. As you can probably tell, this story is going to be about exactly that—babysitting, but with a rather curious twist. The Reddit post from which this story originates quickly gathered 15.7k upvotes and prompted 1.9k comments. Scroll down to find out more and consider leaving a comment!
More info: Reddit
Taking care of a baby is hard work as it is, but if you have to do that on holiday, it can be even more frustrating
Image credits: pixydust8605
As the text above implies, this story is about babysitting, at least on the surface. Slight family drama and inconsiderateness of the person in question are there too. Also, if you ever thought of babysitting of your own free will, what follows might change your mind about that.
A woman and her fiance got invited to go on holiday by car, and it turned out they would have to endure a screaming baby and bad odors for the whole trip
Image credits: 55555551i2
The original poster on the Reddit subforum embarked on a road trip with her fiance’s family and it went quite poorly from the get-go. They were “trapped” in the car for the duration of the journey, having to listen to a baby that wouldn’t stop crying and endure the odor of dog poop. Such a journey would be a challenge to pretty much anyone, so it is no wonder why, for the rest of the story, the OP was rather on edge.
Next thing she knew, the woman was quickly turned into a babysitter for pretty much the entirety of the holiday
Image credits: 55555551i2
Once the actual holiday started, the Original Poster got suddenly turned into a babysitter. Although the necessity of the woman’s reaction you’ll see later on is questionable, most people in her situation would probably get quite frustrated. And that is completely understandable—you go through a living hell of a car ride, which wears you out, and then you are pretty much forced to take care of a baby that isn’t even your own. The woman who posted her story, as she mentioned earlier, actually has children herself so it is extra unfair to give her this responsibility when she should be resting.
At this point, the woman could not stand it anymore, but instead of refusing, she decided to lock herself in her hotel room
Image credits: 55555551i2
The original poster eventually snapped after all the mandated babysitting and locked herself in her hotel room to avoid another round of that. It could easily be said that the woman didn’t ever say no to the babysitting, but here she does mention that there were no requests for her help as the baby was practically “tossed” at her. So this situation begs the question whether saying no would’ve actually changed things for the better. There is a chance that the family would not be very pleased with her “rebellion”. Furthermore, her fiance doesn’t seem to stand in the OP’s defense, which is also peculiar.
Although the people in the comments didn’t see a problem with her locking herself away, most were surprised she didn’t just say “no”
Overall, this is certainly a situation you wouldn’t want to get yourself into. After all, holidays are for relaxing, not for taking over someone else’s responsibilities. But it is true that the woman could’ve at least attempted to reason with the parents and say no. After all, the baby wasn’t exactly her responsibility. In any case, now we know that running away from your problems sometimes somewhat works.
I really can't believe that this is real. How can you take all that crap from strangers without loosing your temper and telling them to shove their baby where it came from? She should have arranged transportation back home and dump the spineless fiancé and his parasitic family in their dog poop car.
Anxiety, depression to name two. There are many reasons why someone will take a bunch of crap without losing their cool. Watch kids who have been bullied intensely for years. They will just take it, it is the path of least pain.
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the people in the comments have a point, not once in the post did op mention that she said no to the fsil, but the fsil could've asked before handing her baby to op
Also, the fiance should be stepping in to help with the baby when it gets passed to OP. At least some times it should be the FSIL passes baby to OP, and OP immediately passes to fiance (or better yet, fiance offers to hold baby).
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yeah. I actually think the fiance has a point: Just say no.
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I hate how none of these AITA posts have no closure! Like, I need to know what happened dangit!!!
It had to be fake. Who in their right mind drives 23 hours each way with a giant dog and puppies? What fancy resort allows dogs and puppies (which disappear from the story)? She never once even said to her husband she was getting annoyed so that hubby could run interference or tell his sister to chill out? Resorts have high chairs, they don't need humans to constantly hold babies while eating. Etc.
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People are surprised she wouldn't say no ? With people like that simply saying no most likely wouldn't work. She'd have to get insistent to get them to listen and that would most likely be turned around as her being mean rather than asserting her opinion. It would be made into a big deal and she would be made out to be the problem .
That's totally a possibility but a big deal has already been made. It doesn't like she has anything to lose by saying she has felt taken advantage of. Also, for the love of everything, she should not drive back with them. Fly, greyhound, rent a car, walk if she must but don't get back in that car.
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Seems like it's time for her to develop a small throat tickle. Could be a cold. She really doesn't want to risk it passing to baby, so as much as she adores her, she needs to keep her distance. Then a day or so before the drive back home, she needs an 'emergency' which warrants her flying back solo, escaping the poop car. She can also be saying "Sweetie, can you take her for a sec?" and passing the baby to it's uncle within 10 seconds of being handed the child. Then chalk all of this up to a learning experience, and never, ever go on vacation with this family again, or take distancing precautions, like separate transportation, separate hotels, and built in separate time.
Similar happened to me. I told them I'd bring the kid back....eventually. Everyone laughed. I left with the kid and we had a great time doing kiddie rides, etc. Parents were so angry that I stole the precious moments time away from them by taking the kid to the kids section first. I'll pick up my friends kids for a leave-mom-alone day. We go out and have fun. Their mom eventually starts wondering if she'll ever see them again. I get a text. Longest I've kept them, without taking them overnight, is 9 hours. 'Look, if you just wanted me to take them for 2-ish hours, you should of said so. If they are mine for the day, I'm gonna take a day.' Some friends requested periodic pics or text to know no one was hurt. Which is fair, as I'd let them repel down skyscrapers if they wanted. Also, some of those kids are klutzy.
I'm wondering why FSIL husband won't hold the baby for a few .minutes. I also notice her fiance never helps out. It seems his family thinks only women are responsible for the babies. She needs to reevaluate their relationship and get out before she becomes the doormat.
To everyone who are saying to "just say no" ..thats only half of it. After saying no, (and it has to be a hard no.No reasons need to be given) they need to ...WALK...AWAY...Often times in these situations, even after a solid refusal, the parents will cajole and whine until the no is reversed. "Oh but baby likes you much!" "Oh, it'll only be a couple of minutes." "But I really need a break, and we're practically family."...They can't let themselves be guilty into caring other folks crotch goblins, and leaving the situation is the best way to reinforce those boundaries.
Why do you have to give reasons to say no? It should be a very normal part of your speech to just say "No."
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The more I read stories like this, the more I love my cats and my single life. JFC.
I have always maintained pets are better than human children. You can put them in their cage when they misbehave (I have birds) without child services getting called. You can feed them virtually the same thing every day without complaints. There's no rude teenage rebellion or sneaking out in the middle of the night. No unwanted pregnancies. Etc. Plus they're actually happy to see me. I just have to work on training then to change my adult diapers for once I'm a senior, lol
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someone gave me a baby once and i put it down on the table and walked away. it was a kitchen table and there were 3+ other adults in there. i wouldn't have taken it at all except it would've hit the floor if i hadn't. she was already turning around before the baby was in my hands and talking to someone.
Hmm I'm confused. While the poster didn't say OP said no, OP DID say that the parents claimed the child, "only wanted [OP]," which sure does sound like that would only be said if OP said, "no" or "why can't x hold the baby?" And at the end of it, op just wanted to know if they're the AH for wanting to stay in their room for the evening and not hold the baby. Which, taking a break and staying in seems fine. Then you go back out maybe the next day, feeling refreshed. More boundaries are needed, but I also think the poster's point was ignored. NTA for wanting to stay in rather than go to dinner. P.S. I wish people would stop being aggressive about others needing to learn boundaries. It's a normal thing for people to have to learn, at different points in their lives. It doesn't warrant insults or claims of idiocy. You don't know their background.
If she doesn’t want to risk creating tension between future family members, but her fiancé also wants her to participate in family gatherings, the solution is simple. Every time someone hands her the baby, she should hand it directly to her fiancé. It’s HIS sister’s kid. I’m rather non-confrontational, so I tend to do things I don’t really want to do bc it’s easier than dealing with other people. And it SUCKS. It’s so stupid. I sounds like she has her own kids, too, so I don’t see anything wrong with reminding her fiancé that she’s on vacation without her own children, and she wants to enjoy it…not be caretaker for someone else’s kid, while THEY enjoy their vacation. That’s easy to understand. If he doesn’t want to talk to his sister, then he needs to play interference & take on the responsibility instead of just letting his fiancé deal with it
Why is the baby constantly being held? She's 8 months old and should be desperate to get about by herself and explore.
Probably the reason right there. Mommy was tired of constantly helicoptering her kid so she foisted it onto any other capable adult. Baby can't possibly get experience on her own. That FSIL is creating an emotionally unhealthy kid.
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I would of reacted several different ways... Iwould pass the baby off to the closest adult, preferably my boyfriend so he could see how many times it was happening. Make plans during the day off resort to avoid it entirely. Not sit anywhere close during group dinners. Drink it up and act more tipsy than I really am. Voice how happy you really are that your own kids are not there because you are worn out and need a rest. Book air or train home so you don't have to be in the car. You could say your back is hurt and couldn't possibly be in the car that long. Now let's look at the real reason you were even invited... to babysit. You need a conversation with your boyfriend asap, his family, his problem. He can't be judged like you so he should of tried to fix this. You may need a new boyfriend if he didn't understand and defend you.
She could have said no but these family situations can sometimes be awkward and we can't know what the atmosphere was. The fiance, knowing how his partner felt, could have politely said something to his sister.
The only question I have is why would she want to marry this loser of a fiance, and be around this crappy family. She should have bailed after the first day, or maybe just tell the people no, and tell her fiance if he didn't like it, that they were done.
Yes, she should have said no, but I've seen this with people with kids quite often - they just hand the kid over. Also, she may have been afraid to cause drama on a family outing, SIL could have taken it the wrong way and made a scene - subsequently ruining the trip for everyone.
Feel like OP is being too nice to her future family to be but that being said at no time are you to made into an automatic babysitter . Not fair to you. And selfish on their part .
Sneeze and cough in the baby's face and say, "Gee. I hope I'm not coming down with something contagious!"
Pffft. That’s exactly what they need right now 🤣
Load More Replies... She's being comparatively nice by locking herself in her room. If she wanted to be truly evil, she'd start dumping the kid on her fiancee whenever this happened! She could use the excuse that the baby was his relative and not hers, and it'd make the sister's negligent behavior his problem instead of hers, and it'd drive home exactly how much the sister was offloading the sprat.
Sounds like the fiance's family knew they couldn't (or didn't want to) fly the trip because of the dogs, but they also wanted to minimize the stress, fatigue and time it would take them to drive down while managing 3 dogs and a screaming baby just the 2 of them. The obvious solution was to get a couple of free drivers/dog sitter/babysitters. And they could justify it to them (and, more importantly, to themselves) if it was presented as a generous 'invitation'. Once the fiance saw what was happening, he should have been the one to put his foot down. OP is not his established wife of many years, she's still the new girl. If she were to put her foot down now, there's a high probability that all her in-laws would hear is 'I hate your baby, I hate your dogs, I hate you' and she would start of her life in the family as the cold, mean, unreasonable wife of their 'poor brother'. Damned if she speaks up, damned if she doesn't. Not surprised she shut down like she did.
You'd have to drive halfway across the country to make it a 23 hour trip one way. Even driving from the bottom left most area in California to top right of Maine is only 2 days. What person in their right mind is driving across that many states? This just doesn't seem believable. Plus what resort is accepting a giant dog and 2 puppies? I'm pretty sure this is a fake post on Reddit.
The post says that they wanted to drive in order to sight see. So, maybe the driving itself didn't take long but with stops, especially for that many people, it could've greatly increased the overall time. You don't believe that there are resorts that accept animals?
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Every time they handed the baby to you you should have handed it straight to your fiance. That way he could see exactly what you are going through
"5 other adults" , so BF (1), baby parents (2) and a set of grandparents or another brother or sister and spouse? (2) equaling 5. So grandparent or aunt/uncle didn't take or be given a 'turn'? A few other details are missing. She could have made herself equally emotionally unavailable as the other folks.
I tend to think most AITA are fake, but I find this one relatable. Here's the thing, the question isn't who is TA. When one intends to get married there are a lot of other things to consider when dealing with family members. What is the fiance's relationship with his sister? Is this his amazing sister who he adores and wants to spend time with on vacation? Is this a first meeting with this in-law? In-laws last as long as the marriage. It's really important to build lasting boundaries and peace in any way you can because brothers and sisters really are priceless and are lifetime relationships. Babies, however, are not forever. Babies are temporary. Then they become children, teens and grown ups. You don't want to chop off your nose to spite your face. It is sooo important to learn how to have uncomfortable conversations. You're responsible for setting your own boundaries. NTA but very childish. Use your words, don't expect people to read your mind.
First off, if it's a family vacation and ppl are bringing kids, we are all bringing kids. If it's adult only, it's adult only. Im already aware that you're driving with your whole family and dogs... Nope. I will drive separately or fly, I'll meet you there. And everyone who said she should've said no, yes she should have. Let her and her husband take turns holding their own baby while they showed, eat etc.
As much as it sucks, you gotta stand up to FSIL. I'd start with humor. Something like, "hey, long time no see stranger! I'm beginning to think I had a baby myself!" Har har har....or something more clever. See if they get the point. If not, time to be direct. "I'm sorry, but I came to have fun too and I just don't want to hold, feed, entertain, whatever right now." Didn't these people bring a bouncy seat, play pen, etc to keep baby contained and occupied? What do they do when no adult is available at home?
Been there. You try to be helpful and you are stepped all over. Yes, with a child, but still. You need to tell them, your fiancé is right in this. People often think others are as enamored with their children as they are. I had to explain to my former SIL that I didn't want to hold her child anymore, but thanks for asking. She actually asked if I hated babies. No. But I'm not crazy for every baby I see either.
So much necessary info left out! Did SIL pay for the vacation? If so, did OP miss that she was the nanny in exchange? Is that a family tradition? When sharing a vacation, you have to ask questions in advance. And how did OP not know that the dogs were coming along so the car was far too small for the load? Or that traveling with a diapered baby was going to be stinky? The mistake was going with them. Once in, I'd have done the babysitting while commenting out loud that you didn't realize that you were brought along as the nanny. Then never go on a trip with them again. I had a SIL who expected me to do all child care when she visited with her wild children, while I was also cooking and serving a holiday meal. You can't change the minds of people who feel entitled to babysitting services. You can avoid the situations.
I asked my mom to go with us on vacations, and many of her friends warned her I would expect her to be a babysitter. I did not. Either myself or their father watched the kids; We asked her to go because we wanted to enjoy her company. It should be that way with you. That said, stand up for yourself and say no.
I hate when people do this. If the family was around my sister definitely act like she didnt hear her child. I would definitely say something to her. Now on a family trip and your FSIL asking for help it would be harder especially after you probably acted like the world best auntie playing with the baby and volunteering at first. I would've pressed through it but definitely flew back. Let him help drive and deal with that alone. Maybe he'll say no next time.
Forget the kid. Who takes a Mastiff with 2 pups on vacation? Even if their hotel destination is "pet friendly". SO and I stopped going to one well-known, quality hotel chain because they went the "pet friendly" route after several years. Four overnights (two each way on a cross country trip) brought our many years patronage to an abrupt end.
And they gained 10 more reservations for the one they lost with you. That's the way business works. People love their pets and want to share their vacation with them. Just cuz you hate dogs doesn't mean the entire hospitality industry has to cater to you.
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I can see myself in this situation. For reasons, I'm extremely non-confrontational. I'd much rather lock myself in my room than have to confront these people and tell them I'm not your built in babysitter. Her only hope is if her fiancee gets a backbone and tells his sister that his soon-to-be wife is not her personal nanny. That's the only way I can see it working out without his family bitching at her forever, and keeping her relationship.
I believe the OP felt outnumbered. She's damned if she does, or doesn't ... Her fiancé should have stepped up and buffered the situation, either by taking turns holding his niece, or telling HIS sister to back off. He did neither, and left the OP with not much choice but to go along. In any case, this is a great signal to the OP to RUN! This is an excellent indication that the OP will ALWAYS be on the outside, looking in. Run!
NTA~~Granted, you should have put your foot (and the kid) down. However, locking the door sent the message without having to deal with their attitudes. Lose the fiancee~~you already know the family considers you to be the 'help' and not family yourself. Get someone who values you for *you* and not as a free babysitter with 'experience'.
Actually, the op could have saved herself this bad experience if she were better prepared. Of course no one expects their "friends" to act like this, and her friends were clearly in the wrong. But it doesn't help her now just to know that. Why be at the mercy of other people's faults. You can pick and choose your friends, sure, but even the best friends screw up. Know their tendencies and don't put yourself in a situation where you have no choice. I might ride in someone's car, in order to enjoy their company, but not without the money to rent my own car if it became a problem for me. They were treating her like a freeloader, someone with no rights. If her only recourse was to hide in her room and not have any fun, that sucks. Why not rent a car or take an Uber to the beach. No arguments or ugliness, just a bit of independence. Then maybe they would have seen the op as someone with power of choice and would have backed off. It can even save a friendship.
Its painfully clear that OP was set up. She was only invited on that "Holiday" with full intention of turning her into a full time baby sitter. To anyone ever caught in that situation; be clear, be firm, be loud. No means NO!!
I have trouble believing people can be so insensitive to not take notice of your displeasure at the inconvenience of taking care of your baby! Is it an all expense trip paid by them for you to be their babysitter? Need much more information.
Or perhaps they saw her as lower class and maybe a perfect slave. They were wrong!
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1st, wth is wrong with these people who think its in ANY WAY safe 2 travel with pets that way!? ALL pets ESP on long trips must b put in a carrying crate or strapped in2 a seat belt! I have a harness 4 my dogs with a little belt thing that attaches 2 the seat belt. If u care at all about ur pets then u wouldnt ride with them unsecured in ur car so they can b tossed thru the glass 50 ft & die during even a minor accident. They can esp become dangerous projectiles if its a large dog! Very irresponsible & dangerous & also WHY IS THERE DOG POOP?! When I go on long trips with my dogs, who r little yappers who poo everywhere, I stop every 2 hrs 2 let them out! Also u can put diapers on the puppies & usually if pups r in their properly sized crates, they wont poo where they sleep unless they r from a pet store (aka they came from a puppy mill). I bet u 100% her standing up 4 herself would not have gone over well.
The OP could have said some version of no, sure, but that would have gone over just as badly, if not worse, than locking herself in her hotel room. Clearly her future in-laws thought shoving the baby (and the giant dog w/puppies) on the new person was perfectly acceptable behavior, so I doubt very much that a "no thanks, I didn't come on this trip to babysit," (even said in the nicest possible way) was going to be received as a polite response to being handed a baby. Saying anything to her FSIL sets her up as the bad guy for pretty much ever in that family. Her FIANCE, however, should never have let it come to this, and he might be the a*****e. Why did he agree to that drive? An 8 month old and a giant dog w/nursing puppies? Clearly the shared drive was the start of the babysitting duties, and was not going to be fun for him or his fiance, so why agree to it? And if he sees that his fiance has had enough of his sister's kid, he should either take the baby himself (men can do this) or tell his sister to leave his fiance alone. If he's not capable of that, then his fiance should fly home and reconsider her situation.
This is not clear. Were you guests on the trip, or did you share expenses? If the latter, than the expectations that you are constantly on-call for the baby are way out of line. But if you are not sharing expenses, then maybe SOME babysitting (you AND your fiance) is good compensation...but it needs to have boundaries.
Nursing puppies just poop anywhere, because theyre brand new and don't know better. I'm more curious where they went that allowed a mastiff of any kind AND her puppies. Dog friendly rarely = GIANT dog friendly, much less new, not-house-trained, puppy friendly.
Load More Replies... I'm super passive until I reach a blow up point and I can't see someone putting up with this and never once saying no. If she didn't feel comfortable saying no to FSIL why not say no to hubby and have him relay the info? In this case she's definitely partly to blame. They might have thought she enjoyed it since she never said no. They aren't psychic. I think this is another one of those fake AITA on Reddit just to get likes.
I never am in that position. Everyone knows I'm not a person who cares for children unless they are mine or my grandsons. Everyone completely understands that some people are like that. I'm very open about things I like or dislike. I have never once been judged for the way I feel. But if someone kept trying to give me their baby I would say "no thanks I'm allergic". That way it's treated more good-naturedly.
I don’t understand this situation. As a MOM, our daughter did NOT need to be held all the time! Perhaps she should have suggested that they get a baby seat to put the child in? They are many varieties. Obviously she needs to learn how to say “NO.” There are many other ways of avoiding this situation. “Oh, I have to go for a run right now, so sorry.” “I have a phone call that I need to take/make.” “I have a bit of a headache, and would like to lie down.” “Sorry, but I wa planning on taking a walk around the neighborhood to reinvigorate myself, and having a baby with me just won’t work for me right now, perhaps you could the baby in the playpen, while you shower?” Yet ANOTHER THOUGHT would be for the fiancée to say “I’ll take care of the baby!” OR, the fiancée could take his sister aside and ask her “why do you keep thrusting your child on my fiancée? She is happy to help, but this is NOT a vacation for her while you depend upon her to be a babysitter for you!”
"A woman and her fiance got invited to go on holiday by car, and it turned out they would have to endure a screaming baby and bad odors for the whole trip" ... Then, the answer would have been "No thank you", shouldn't it have been? And skip all the drama?
Sounds like a manipulation tactic to me.... She sounds slightly introverted. Introverted people have a hard time opening up about feeling uncomfortable, because it's embarrassing and makes them feel like a burden. Add to the fact she is the outsider, and expected to make a good impression whatever it takes. They are totally using this against her. She probably hasn't said anything, because she thinks it will make her look like the bad guy. Sister and her husband shouldn't have had kids if they didn't want to make the sacrifices that all good parents have to make. Fiance should have stood up for her from the start, instead of making her feel worse. No one should have ever put her in a position to have to defend herself in the first place. The whole family sounds toxic. NTA.
Something is off about the whole situation! Why would anyone get in a car to go across country with such a huge dog and two puppies to start? The fact that they are too cheap to hire a dog sitter would have been a red flag for me. I'm an absolute dog lover but 3 dogs a carseat 4 adults and a weeks worth of luggage? Unless your in a motor home or something of that nature there is no way I'm getting in that vehicle. She is nta but seems like she needs to set some protective boundaries for herself.
When I first moved to this area, my brother & SIL lived here. SIL's brother, his wife, and 7mo baby were visiting. We met at a McDs for lunch, and they immediately handed me the baby. I didn't really mind, but I did think it odd that they would hand their baby off to a stranger - we'd never even met before.
NTA... The fiance should be the one to put a stop to it bc it's his family and they won't hate him or stay mad at him, but they might her... she's not family and will likely be judged more harshly. If I was her, I'd just had the baby off to my fiance every time it gets handed to me. Let's see how he handles it. When you're not in a family yet, it's awkward to tell people no. You don't want them to hate you. Everyone wants to say they're all adults and it shouldn't be a problem for her to say no, but how many adults do you know who really act like adults? How many adults plan a 23h road trip with an 8 month old, a bull mastiff and 2 newborn puppies?
Easy peasy... just tell them you have a sore throat and think you're coming down with something and cough a little cough...in their direction. Then rent a car for the return trip.
Honestly I hate confrontations and I would of done the same thing, being locked in a room is better then what they are doing to her. Maybe they should get the hint!
So her future family sees women as automatic baby making machines and nannies. Notice how none of the men are doing s**t here? And wtf is up with the dog situation? If I was OP I’d dump fiancé right there and explain why: he drug her on a horrible trip with dog s**t in the car and being forced to be a nanny so her fiancé and the baby’s parents can have fun. She doesn’t just need to assert herself by saying “no, I don’t want to keep babysitting 24/7”, she needs to leave this horrible, disgusting, inconsiderate family before she’s always the de facto babysitter for the entire family’s baby at every event, including her own wedding, based on the events here. The FSIL/FBIL will probably also bring their shitty dogs to the wedding and the guests will all be stepping in dog s**t the whole time.
Family dynamics play a huge role here. If the FSIL has always called the shots, the brother isn't going to be able to just tell his sister to stop. If OP stands up for herself and the others take it badly, she might have problems with them for the rest of their married lives. She can nicely say, "If it's ok, I'm going to pass this time and go for a swim. So n so is available though", she might get the message across without friction. In any case, she'll need to plan ahead for the next vacation they all take together. Pre-plan some outings just for herself and her finance, for example,so she's not there to be a babysitter...
My approach as a girl-dad who is notoriously good with kids, is I would enjoy giving parents of an eight month old a desperately needed break while enjoying getting the magic of a baby in your arms, doubtless to have more curiosity and better morals than any of the adult company, and enjoying watching your fiance grow so glad he is deciding ways to make it up to you and celebrate you from being obviously accommodating, earning plenty of personal capital for anyone counting, amplifying my own joy and everyone else's convenience. And then say you definitely appreciated a lot of fun with future niece or nephew but will need to bow out from helping with the child for the dinner. Check and mate. ("Find rest in the work, not from the work" was a fortune cookie that set me on right path as a new dad)
Except Op has kids of her own and clearly needs a break from holding babies, too. Else she wouldn't be feeling stressed enough to post this
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It's harder than it looks like to say no, because there are parents who can't accept someone not wanting to stay with a baby, and it could directly lead to a discussion. One day the mother (that I hadn't seen for years) of a friend went in my home with his little brother, she gave me her 3 years old (not to his brother, probably because I'm a woman) to hold even while I was saying I didn't know how to do it and it wasn't a good idea (I was 14 years old). She saw the way I was doing it and asked all disapproving: "have you never held a baby?" "no" So she finally took the baby.
She should have just started handing the kid off to her fiance and walked away every time. Watch how quickly he stops his sister's handoffs when he finds himself on the receiving end. If he protests to her or makes any kind of excuses, it is time for him to become an Ex fiance...
thats why i'm glad my whole group of friends aren't parents. my sf and me decided to be D**K and i would loose it after 5 Minutes when someone dumped a toddler on me for the parents to have some "free time". You decide to get a child, deal with it. your sole hobby is to take care of the child. you want free time? get a paid babysitter and try not to dump the baby/toddler on your extended family.
NTA, BUT, ask Fiancé (of how long.) “why’d you ask me on the trip?…’cuz, I didn’t recall being told of dogs, & a baby supposed to be my responsibility, in cramped car?”…ya know, polite, pointed questions. . Surely he’s seen the drill so far?! . But ones you need to ask of SIL & BIL: “I don’t wanna be rude, but, was I asked along to be a nanny?…I don’t understand parents who so quickly & often hand their baby to me to mind.” . Depending how they respond (they might have ugly opinions), you must talk this out w/your fiancé. . Tell him how awful you feel, being put, Uninformed, into this mess. . If saving on trip costs was a Thing, he should say so. . That’ll tell you about him, & them. . If he knew the dogs & baby were usually passed around by them that way, & failed to tell you, THAT is new info about him. . All those issues, can be DEAL BREAKERS! But ya gotta discuss it w/‘em; might only be different habits.
NTA, I actually might sound like the AH here but I was in a similar situation where I traveled from Arizona by car to NewYork with my husbands sister and her baby. ( A trip I left my kids home for and also really wasn't excited about either). Slowly but surely I started to become the designated babysitter ~ same as you... I think it was day 3 of the 4 day drive we would make on this 2 week trip when I finally looked at my sister-in-law and said... Eh-Eh~ Nope, I don't mean to be mean but I've already did my time holding my own babies when they were that age and I never passed my duty on to anyone else but myself. I love him but you had him and it's your responsibility to hold him just as it was mine for me back in my time. So no more trying to p**n him off on me unless absolutely necessary because I've paid my baby dues to the world and now it's time you do too! Thank you~ I'm with that said I'm tired and going to close my eyes and passes out!😁
Ask yourself the question "Do I *really* want to marry into this family?"
Not only r these ppl highly irresponsible with their pets (if u can't travel with pets in a safe, vet recomended way in crates or secured with seat belts then make other arrangements 2 leave them home with a sitter or something) but they also seem a bit irresponsible with their kid...just tossing her off 2 whoever they think won't object- lo and behold its the 1 person who feels like an outsider and has no 1 there 2 stand up 4 her. Yea I went on a trip like that with my bf of 4 mnths and it was beyond crappy cuz he dumped me 3 days after we got back & he acted weird 2 me the whole vacay so I kno how alienated u can feel. She shouldve insisted her fiance deal with the issue & talk 2 the sister. Its his fam & he should never put her in that position where she has 2 possibly look like the bad guy! If I was him and my fiance was uncomfortable id TOTALLY understand y he wouldnt wanna go awkwardly have 2 say somethin 2 pple he barely knos & doesnt wanna upset. She needs 2 make sure he gets i
I honestly don't get these stupid questions if you're a doormat don't be surprised if people walk all over you just say look this ain't my kid I'm not looking after it go get a babysitter end of story
The fiancee should have stepped up and said no. Sounds like her future sister in law wanted a good time at her expense. Been down that road a long time ago. It's ALWAYS going to end band. So no she's not the ahold.
I feel bad for the baby ngl. Yes, the parents should ask first and get your permission, also they should share the 'love' with everyone there.
BTW, her fiance should be the one to ask his sister to knock it off. It's HIS family, and the OP is in a precarious position in the family. His sister will get over being upset at him, but might carry a grudge against OP.
People aren't mind readers. She needs to set boundaries and tell them she's not holding or taking care of the child. They may not like it, but everyone will at least know where she stands.
She needs to say no,but I can see why she might be uncomfortable doing that. What really needs to happen is her fiance needs to tell his family that they wanna enjoy the vacation too and they can't do that when she's got a baby on her lap the whole time. Maybe take the baby sometimes, once a day or something but asking anyone to take care of your kid every 10 minutes when you just don't feel like doing it is shitty to the other person and it's shitty parenting. But the fiance needs to step up
NTA, just weak. They shouldn't do that, but she shouldn't take it. Locking yourself up instead of telling them their behavior is unacceptable is seriously passive aggressive and will only kick the can down the road. She need to grow a backbone.
These are her FILs so worth taking a couple of minutes to think about how she can manage her boundaries better while staying on good terms. Her story sounds more like a young woman with no kids, yet she obviously has experience of raising her own so presumably has learned how to be the adult in a difficult situation.
It's easy. Had the OP wanted her vacation to consist of children, she would have brought her on!!
At first I was like, ok why is she the only one thats getting this baby? What does he mean just say no?? Why doesn't he put his sister in check? Then I realized, wait, the baby's reaching out for her in a room full of family and she hasn't known her for long. Babies can sense if people have affection for them or if they have irritation with them. The others have already said no, they have already past their point of irritation and toleration. She now has to do what she needs to do and speak up for herself. PERIOD. Noone can do it for her, and until she does no one can be blamed but her.
I wonder if the fiancé, covertly volunteered babysitting services? I bet he did, especially if they they baby’s parents are paying for trip!
NTA!! But since it doesn’t appear ya fiancé is planning to step in or step up for you… every time they pass the baby off to you, give them a 💋on the forehead, pass them off to ya fiancé and THEN leave the room (you can return holding some sort of snack on a saucer or in a mini bowl) 😉
ESH try a no first and see how that goes! A polite my kids aren't even here lol 🤣🤣 would send the message.
There's always gotta be that one drama queen who comments something like "you should really consider calling off the engagement and leave him" for the DUMBEST THINGS. f*****g annoying.
One word...Boundaries!! This woman needs to work on setting better boundaries with this entire family or her future is looking pretty slim. I feel like the only real HA here is the fiance for not stepping up and acknowledging the situation and the hardships his family has caused his future wife. Being the uncle he should be right there with her taking in all these wonderful moments with his sister's child while he has them. I think what bothers me most about this post is that 8 months is one of the best ages. Just enjoy all the baby magic and play with them have have some fun enjoy it before they become a loud bratty clever child and then a teenager.
Locking yoursef in a room and not enjoying your vacation rather than speaking up for yourself is incredibly childish and senseless. Dont have any sympathy for this person. Speak up and say no then go enjoy your vacay. I dont understand the struggle here. This is a nonproblem.
You're not an a*****e, but you are am attention seeking child-person. Locking yourself in a room and then the whole "I don't wanna become a highchair" comment... No. You want him to say no for you, when all you have to do is open your fuqin mouth.
I think the comments are wrong. She should not have to refuse openly when they give her the child. Even though it is a baby it definately understands when it is being rejected. And this baby wants to go to her by now. I have had this happen to me and you dont tell people in front of the kid that you dont want to spent time with it. You just dont. If they really dont understand what they are doing, then looking herself in the room until they do seems fair.
I think the OP is afraid of what they might say if she says no. I'm sort of like that, I would probably just pass the child to one of the other adults.
What is with your passive aggressive foot stomping? Seems like there are two babies on this holiday. You didn't have to travel with them. When someone holds out the baby to you, you can say no. You can give the baby to another family member. You can actually talk to the parents. This whole whining and complaining to the internet when you have said nothing about any of it to the people involved, is just a sign of incredible immaturity.
You had to spend hundreds of dollars for your kids wrestling tournament? What kind of parent sends there kid to a wrestling event that is so important that it costs hundreds of dollars for the child to participate in, and then goes on vacation last-minute to California instead of watching and supporting their kids?
Dear Pandas, I ain’t bored no more, but surely appalled, petrified, and ashamed of the world that we live in. In some parts of the world, people are barely surviving every minute, many victims of warmongering bully nations of the so called ‘civilized world’ and what keeps the people in the civilized world up at night is having to babysit a child while on a on a holiday trip. Woah. White men and their struggles in life, my empathy flows over.
I think OP kinda *is* the ahole. Throwing a passive aggressive tantrum is just as bad as what they are doing if not worse. For all the FSIL knows, she loves holding the baby. Just be direct.
Different to all the rest here, I got stuck on the word "invited" - I mean if she really got invited to the resort (as in: expenses paid by the fiance´s parents maybe?), it would still not be fair and a matter of lack of communication to treat her like that, but it still would put another light on it all the same I think. As in rather than saying she didn´t feel comfortable with someone else paying for an entire week in a resort and insisting on pay for herself instead, she might have gone along and is now learning that other than she naively thought it comes with strings attached. And don´t get me wrong: it would still be shitty behaviour from the family, but just be a case of her maybe asking twice and rather say no much much earlier... And given how she seems to be rather immature, I wouldn´t be surprised, if such an arrangement might have even been indicated though not directly expressed (not defending such behaviour either) and she chose to ignore it rather then to decline...
I really can't believe that this is real. How can you take all that crap from strangers without loosing your temper and telling them to shove their baby where it came from? She should have arranged transportation back home and dump the spineless fiancé and his parasitic family in their dog poop car.
Anxiety, depression to name two. There are many reasons why someone will take a bunch of crap without losing their cool. Watch kids who have been bullied intensely for years. They will just take it, it is the path of least pain.
Load More Replies... the people in the comments have a point, not once in the post did op mention that she said no to the fsil, but the fsil could've asked before handing her baby to op
Also, the fiance should be stepping in to help with the baby when it gets passed to OP. At least some times it should be the FSIL passes baby to OP, and OP immediately passes to fiance (or better yet, fiance offers to hold baby).
Load More Replies... yeah. I actually think the fiance has a point: Just say no.
Load More Replies... I hate how none of these AITA posts have no closure! Like, I need to know what happened dangit!!!
It had to be fake. Who in their right mind drives 23 hours each way with a giant dog and puppies? What fancy resort allows dogs and puppies (which disappear from the story)? She never once even said to her husband she was getting annoyed so that hubby could run interference or tell his sister to chill out? Resorts have high chairs, they don't need humans to constantly hold babies while eating. Etc.
Load More Replies... People are surprised she wouldn't say no ? With people like that simply saying no most likely wouldn't work. She'd have to get insistent to get them to listen and that would most likely be turned around as her being mean rather than asserting her opinion. It would be made into a big deal and she would be made out to be the problem .
That's totally a possibility but a big deal has already been made. It doesn't like she has anything to lose by saying she has felt taken advantage of. Also, for the love of everything, she should not drive back with them. Fly, greyhound, rent a car, walk if she must but don't get back in that car.
Load More Replies... Seems like it's time for her to develop a small throat tickle. Could be a cold. She really doesn't want to risk it passing to baby, so as much as she adores her, she needs to keep her distance. Then a day or so before the drive back home, she needs an 'emergency' which warrants her flying back solo, escaping the poop car. She can also be saying "Sweetie, can you take her for a sec?" and passing the baby to it's uncle within 10 seconds of being handed the child. Then chalk all of this up to a learning experience, and never, ever go on vacation with this family again, or take distancing precautions, like separate transportation, separate hotels, and built in separate time.
Similar happened to me. I told them I'd bring the kid back....eventually. Everyone laughed. I left with the kid and we had a great time doing kiddie rides, etc. Parents were so angry that I stole the precious moments time away from them by taking the kid to the kids section first. I'll pick up my friends kids for a leave-mom-alone day. We go out and have fun. Their mom eventually starts wondering if she'll ever see them again. I get a text. Longest I've kept them, without taking them overnight, is 9 hours. 'Look, if you just wanted me to take them for 2-ish hours, you should of said so. If they are mine for the day, I'm gonna take a day.' Some friends requested periodic pics or text to know no one was hurt. Which is fair, as I'd let them repel down skyscrapers if they wanted. Also, some of those kids are klutzy.
I'm wondering why FSIL husband won't hold the baby for a few .minutes. I also notice her fiance never helps out. It seems his family thinks only women are responsible for the babies. She needs to reevaluate their relationship and get out before she becomes the doormat.
To everyone who are saying to "just say no" ..thats only half of it. After saying no, (and it has to be a hard no.No reasons need to be given) they need to ...WALK...AWAY...Often times in these situations, even after a solid refusal, the parents will cajole and whine until the no is reversed. "Oh but baby likes you much!" "Oh, it'll only be a couple of minutes." "But I really need a break, and we're practically family."...They can't let themselves be guilty into caring other folks crotch goblins, and leaving the situation is the best way to reinforce those boundaries.
Why do you have to give reasons to say no? It should be a very normal part of your speech to just say "No."
Load More Replies... The more I read stories like this, the more I love my cats and my single life. JFC.
I have always maintained pets are better than human children. You can put them in their cage when they misbehave (I have birds) without child services getting called. You can feed them virtually the same thing every day without complaints. There's no rude teenage rebellion or sneaking out in the middle of the night. No unwanted pregnancies. Etc. Plus they're actually happy to see me. I just have to work on training then to change my adult diapers for once I'm a senior, lol
Load More Replies... someone gave me a baby once and i put it down on the table and walked away. it was a kitchen table and there were 3+ other adults in there. i wouldn't have taken it at all except it would've hit the floor if i hadn't. she was already turning around before the baby was in my hands and talking to someone.
Hmm I'm confused. While the poster didn't say OP said no, OP DID say that the parents claimed the child, "only wanted [OP]," which sure does sound like that would only be said if OP said, "no" or "why can't x hold the baby?" And at the end of it, op just wanted to know if they're the AH for wanting to stay in their room for the evening and not hold the baby. Which, taking a break and staying in seems fine. Then you go back out maybe the next day, feeling refreshed. More boundaries are needed, but I also think the poster's point was ignored. NTA for wanting to stay in rather than go to dinner. P.S. I wish people would stop being aggressive about others needing to learn boundaries. It's a normal thing for people to have to learn, at different points in their lives. It doesn't warrant insults or claims of idiocy. You don't know their background.
If she doesn’t want to risk creating tension between future family members, but her fiancé also wants her to participate in family gatherings, the solution is simple. Every time someone hands her the baby, she should hand it directly to her fiancé. It’s HIS sister’s kid. I’m rather non-confrontational, so I tend to do things I don’t really want to do bc it’s easier than dealing with other people. And it SUCKS. It’s so stupid. I sounds like she has her own kids, too, so I don’t see anything wrong with reminding her fiancé that she’s on vacation without her own children, and she wants to enjoy it…not be caretaker for someone else’s kid, while THEY enjoy their vacation. That’s easy to understand. If he doesn’t want to talk to his sister, then he needs to play interference & take on the responsibility instead of just letting his fiancé deal with it
Why is the baby constantly being held? She's 8 months old and should be desperate to get about by herself and explore.
Probably the reason right there. Mommy was tired of constantly helicoptering her kid so she foisted it onto any other capable adult. Baby can't possibly get experience on her own. That FSIL is creating an emotionally unhealthy kid.
Load More Replies... I would of reacted several different ways... Iwould pass the baby off to the closest adult, preferably my boyfriend so he could see how many times it was happening. Make plans during the day off resort to avoid it entirely. Not sit anywhere close during group dinners. Drink it up and act more tipsy than I really am. Voice how happy you really are that your own kids are not there because you are worn out and need a rest. Book air or train home so you don't have to be in the car. You could say your back is hurt and couldn't possibly be in the car that long. Now let's look at the real reason you were even invited... to babysit. You need a conversation with your boyfriend asap, his family, his problem. He can't be judged like you so he should of tried to fix this. You may need a new boyfriend if he didn't understand and defend you.
She could have said no but these family situations can sometimes be awkward and we can't know what the atmosphere was. The fiance, knowing how his partner felt, could have politely said something to his sister.
The only question I have is why would she want to marry this loser of a fiance, and be around this crappy family. She should have bailed after the first day, or maybe just tell the people no, and tell her fiance if he didn't like it, that they were done.
Yes, she should have said no, but I've seen this with people with kids quite often - they just hand the kid over. Also, she may have been afraid to cause drama on a family outing, SIL could have taken it the wrong way and made a scene - subsequently ruining the trip for everyone.
Feel like OP is being too nice to her future family to be but that being said at no time are you to made into an automatic babysitter . Not fair to you. And selfish on their part .
Sneeze and cough in the baby's face and say, "Gee. I hope I'm not coming down with something contagious!"
Pffft. That’s exactly what they need right now 🤣
Load More Replies... She's being comparatively nice by locking herself in her room. If she wanted to be truly evil, she'd start dumping the kid on her fiancee whenever this happened! She could use the excuse that the baby was his relative and not hers, and it'd make the sister's negligent behavior his problem instead of hers, and it'd drive home exactly how much the sister was offloading the sprat.
Sounds like the fiance's family knew they couldn't (or didn't want to) fly the trip because of the dogs, but they also wanted to minimize the stress, fatigue and time it would take them to drive down while managing 3 dogs and a screaming baby just the 2 of them. The obvious solution was to get a couple of free drivers/dog sitter/babysitters. And they could justify it to them (and, more importantly, to themselves) if it was presented as a generous 'invitation'. Once the fiance saw what was happening, he should have been the one to put his foot down. OP is not his established wife of many years, she's still the new girl. If she were to put her foot down now, there's a high probability that all her in-laws would hear is 'I hate your baby, I hate your dogs, I hate you' and she would start of her life in the family as the cold, mean, unreasonable wife of their 'poor brother'. Damned if she speaks up, damned if she doesn't. Not surprised she shut down like she did.
You'd have to drive halfway across the country to make it a 23 hour trip one way. Even driving from the bottom left most area in California to top right of Maine is only 2 days. What person in their right mind is driving across that many states? This just doesn't seem believable. Plus what resort is accepting a giant dog and 2 puppies? I'm pretty sure this is a fake post on Reddit.
The post says that they wanted to drive in order to sight see. So, maybe the driving itself didn't take long but with stops, especially for that many people, it could've greatly increased the overall time. You don't believe that there are resorts that accept animals?
Load More Replies... Every time they handed the baby to you you should have handed it straight to your fiance. That way he could see exactly what you are going through
"5 other adults" , so BF (1), baby parents (2) and a set of grandparents or another brother or sister and spouse? (2) equaling 5. So grandparent or aunt/uncle didn't take or be given a 'turn'? A few other details are missing. She could have made herself equally emotionally unavailable as the other folks.
I tend to think most AITA are fake, but I find this one relatable. Here's the thing, the question isn't who is TA. When one intends to get married there are a lot of other things to consider when dealing with family members. What is the fiance's relationship with his sister? Is this his amazing sister who he adores and wants to spend time with on vacation? Is this a first meeting with this in-law? In-laws last as long as the marriage. It's really important to build lasting boundaries and peace in any way you can because brothers and sisters really are priceless and are lifetime relationships. Babies, however, are not forever. Babies are temporary. Then they become children, teens and grown ups. You don't want to chop off your nose to spite your face. It is sooo important to learn how to have uncomfortable conversations. You're responsible for setting your own boundaries. NTA but very childish. Use your words, don't expect people to read your mind.
First off, if it's a family vacation and ppl are bringing kids, we are all bringing kids. If it's adult only, it's adult only. Im already aware that you're driving with your whole family and dogs... Nope. I will drive separately or fly, I'll meet you there. And everyone who said she should've said no, yes she should have. Let her and her husband take turns holding their own baby while they showed, eat etc.
As much as it sucks, you gotta stand up to FSIL. I'd start with humor. Something like, "hey, long time no see stranger! I'm beginning to think I had a baby myself!" Har har har....or something more clever. See if they get the point. If not, time to be direct. "I'm sorry, but I came to have fun too and I just don't want to hold, feed, entertain, whatever right now." Didn't these people bring a bouncy seat, play pen, etc to keep baby contained and occupied? What do they do when no adult is available at home?
Been there. You try to be helpful and you are stepped all over. Yes, with a child, but still. You need to tell them, your fiancé is right in this. People often think others are as enamored with their children as they are. I had to explain to my former SIL that I didn't want to hold her child anymore, but thanks for asking. She actually asked if I hated babies. No. But I'm not crazy for every baby I see either.
So much necessary info left out! Did SIL pay for the vacation? If so, did OP miss that she was the nanny in exchange? Is that a family tradition? When sharing a vacation, you have to ask questions in advance. And how did OP not know that the dogs were coming along so the car was far too small for the load? Or that traveling with a diapered baby was going to be stinky? The mistake was going with them. Once in, I'd have done the babysitting while commenting out loud that you didn't realize that you were brought along as the nanny. Then never go on a trip with them again. I had a SIL who expected me to do all child care when she visited with her wild children, while I was also cooking and serving a holiday meal. You can't change the minds of people who feel entitled to babysitting services. You can avoid the situations.
I asked my mom to go with us on vacations, and many of her friends warned her I would expect her to be a babysitter. I did not. Either myself or their father watched the kids; We asked her to go because we wanted to enjoy her company. It should be that way with you. That said, stand up for yourself and say no.
I hate when people do this. If the family was around my sister definitely act like she didnt hear her child. I would definitely say something to her. Now on a family trip and your FSIL asking for help it would be harder especially after you probably acted like the world best auntie playing with the baby and volunteering at first. I would've pressed through it but definitely flew back. Let him help drive and deal with that alone. Maybe he'll say no next time.
Forget the kid. Who takes a Mastiff with 2 pups on vacation? Even if their hotel destination is "pet friendly". SO and I stopped going to one well-known, quality hotel chain because they went the "pet friendly" route after several years. Four overnights (two each way on a cross country trip) brought our many years patronage to an abrupt end.
And they gained 10 more reservations for the one they lost with you. That's the way business works. People love their pets and want to share their vacation with them. Just cuz you hate dogs doesn't mean the entire hospitality industry has to cater to you.
Load More Replies... I can see myself in this situation. For reasons, I'm extremely non-confrontational. I'd much rather lock myself in my room than have to confront these people and tell them I'm not your built in babysitter. Her only hope is if her fiancee gets a backbone and tells his sister that his soon-to-be wife is not her personal nanny. That's the only way I can see it working out without his family bitching at her forever, and keeping her relationship.
I believe the OP felt outnumbered. She's damned if she does, or doesn't ... Her fiancé should have stepped up and buffered the situation, either by taking turns holding his niece, or telling HIS sister to back off. He did neither, and left the OP with not much choice but to go along. In any case, this is a great signal to the OP to RUN! This is an excellent indication that the OP will ALWAYS be on the outside, looking in. Run!
NTA~~Granted, you should have put your foot (and the kid) down. However, locking the door sent the message without having to deal with their attitudes. Lose the fiancee~~you already know the family considers you to be the 'help' and not family yourself. Get someone who values you for *you* and not as a free babysitter with 'experience'.
Actually, the op could have saved herself this bad experience if she were better prepared. Of course no one expects their "friends" to act like this, and her friends were clearly in the wrong. But it doesn't help her now just to know that. Why be at the mercy of other people's faults. You can pick and choose your friends, sure, but even the best friends screw up. Know their tendencies and don't put yourself in a situation where you have no choice. I might ride in someone's car, in order to enjoy their company, but not without the money to rent my own car if it became a problem for me. They were treating her like a freeloader, someone with no rights. If her only recourse was to hide in her room and not have any fun, that sucks. Why not rent a car or take an Uber to the beach. No arguments or ugliness, just a bit of independence. Then maybe they would have seen the op as someone with power of choice and would have backed off. It can even save a friendship.
Its painfully clear that OP was set up. She was only invited on that "Holiday" with full intention of turning her into a full time baby sitter. To anyone ever caught in that situation; be clear, be firm, be loud. No means NO!!
I have trouble believing people can be so insensitive to not take notice of your displeasure at the inconvenience of taking care of your baby! Is it an all expense trip paid by them for you to be their babysitter? Need much more information.
Or perhaps they saw her as lower class and maybe a perfect slave. They were wrong!
Load More Replies... 1st, wth is wrong with these people who think its in ANY WAY safe 2 travel with pets that way!? ALL pets ESP on long trips must b put in a carrying crate or strapped in2 a seat belt! I have a harness 4 my dogs with a little belt thing that attaches 2 the seat belt. If u care at all about ur pets then u wouldnt ride with them unsecured in ur car so they can b tossed thru the glass 50 ft & die during even a minor accident. They can esp become dangerous projectiles if its a large dog! Very irresponsible & dangerous & also WHY IS THERE DOG POOP?! When I go on long trips with my dogs, who r little yappers who poo everywhere, I stop every 2 hrs 2 let them out! Also u can put diapers on the puppies & usually if pups r in their properly sized crates, they wont poo where they sleep unless they r from a pet store (aka they came from a puppy mill). I bet u 100% her standing up 4 herself would not have gone over well.
The OP could have said some version of no, sure, but that would have gone over just as badly, if not worse, than locking herself in her hotel room. Clearly her future in-laws thought shoving the baby (and the giant dog w/puppies) on the new person was perfectly acceptable behavior, so I doubt very much that a "no thanks, I didn't come on this trip to babysit," (even said in the nicest possible way) was going to be received as a polite response to being handed a baby. Saying anything to her FSIL sets her up as the bad guy for pretty much ever in that family. Her FIANCE, however, should never have let it come to this, and he might be the a*****e. Why did he agree to that drive? An 8 month old and a giant dog w/nursing puppies? Clearly the shared drive was the start of the babysitting duties, and was not going to be fun for him or his fiance, so why agree to it? And if he sees that his fiance has had enough of his sister's kid, he should either take the baby himself (men can do this) or tell his sister to leave his fiance alone. If he's not capable of that, then his fiance should fly home and reconsider her situation.
This is not clear. Were you guests on the trip, or did you share expenses? If the latter, than the expectations that you are constantly on-call for the baby are way out of line. But if you are not sharing expenses, then maybe SOME babysitting (you AND your fiance) is good compensation...but it needs to have boundaries.
Nursing puppies just poop anywhere, because theyre brand new and don't know better. I'm more curious where they went that allowed a mastiff of any kind AND her puppies. Dog friendly rarely = GIANT dog friendly, much less new, not-house-trained, puppy friendly.
Load More Replies... I'm super passive until I reach a blow up point and I can't see someone putting up with this and never once saying no. If she didn't feel comfortable saying no to FSIL why not say no to hubby and have him relay the info? In this case she's definitely partly to blame. They might have thought she enjoyed it since she never said no. They aren't psychic. I think this is another one of those fake AITA on Reddit just to get likes.
I never am in that position. Everyone knows I'm not a person who cares for children unless they are mine or my grandsons. Everyone completely understands that some people are like that. I'm very open about things I like or dislike. I have never once been judged for the way I feel. But if someone kept trying to give me their baby I would say "no thanks I'm allergic". That way it's treated more good-naturedly.
I don’t understand this situation. As a MOM, our daughter did NOT need to be held all the time! Perhaps she should have suggested that they get a baby seat to put the child in? They are many varieties. Obviously she needs to learn how to say “NO.” There are many other ways of avoiding this situation. “Oh, I have to go for a run right now, so sorry.” “I have a phone call that I need to take/make.” “I have a bit of a headache, and would like to lie down.” “Sorry, but I wa planning on taking a walk around the neighborhood to reinvigorate myself, and having a baby with me just won’t work for me right now, perhaps you could the baby in the playpen, while you shower?” Yet ANOTHER THOUGHT would be for the fiancée to say “I’ll take care of the baby!” OR, the fiancée could take his sister aside and ask her “why do you keep thrusting your child on my fiancée? She is happy to help, but this is NOT a vacation for her while you depend upon her to be a babysitter for you!”
"A woman and her fiance got invited to go on holiday by car, and it turned out they would have to endure a screaming baby and bad odors for the whole trip" ... Then, the answer would have been "No thank you", shouldn't it have been? And skip all the drama?
Sounds like a manipulation tactic to me.... She sounds slightly introverted. Introverted people have a hard time opening up about feeling uncomfortable, because it's embarrassing and makes them feel like a burden. Add to the fact she is the outsider, and expected to make a good impression whatever it takes. They are totally using this against her. She probably hasn't said anything, because she thinks it will make her look like the bad guy. Sister and her husband shouldn't have had kids if they didn't want to make the sacrifices that all good parents have to make. Fiance should have stood up for her from the start, instead of making her feel worse. No one should have ever put her in a position to have to defend herself in the first place. The whole family sounds toxic. NTA.
Something is off about the whole situation! Why would anyone get in a car to go across country with such a huge dog and two puppies to start? The fact that they are too cheap to hire a dog sitter would have been a red flag for me. I'm an absolute dog lover but 3 dogs a carseat 4 adults and a weeks worth of luggage? Unless your in a motor home or something of that nature there is no way I'm getting in that vehicle. She is nta but seems like she needs to set some protective boundaries for herself.
When I first moved to this area, my brother & SIL lived here. SIL's brother, his wife, and 7mo baby were visiting. We met at a McDs for lunch, and they immediately handed me the baby. I didn't really mind, but I did think it odd that they would hand their baby off to a stranger - we'd never even met before.
NTA... The fiance should be the one to put a stop to it bc it's his family and they won't hate him or stay mad at him, but they might her... she's not family and will likely be judged more harshly. If I was her, I'd just had the baby off to my fiance every time it gets handed to me. Let's see how he handles it. When you're not in a family yet, it's awkward to tell people no. You don't want them to hate you. Everyone wants to say they're all adults and it shouldn't be a problem for her to say no, but how many adults do you know who really act like adults? How many adults plan a 23h road trip with an 8 month old, a bull mastiff and 2 newborn puppies?
Easy peasy... just tell them you have a sore throat and think you're coming down with something and cough a little cough...in their direction. Then rent a car for the return trip.
Honestly I hate confrontations and I would of done the same thing, being locked in a room is better then what they are doing to her. Maybe they should get the hint!
So her future family sees women as automatic baby making machines and nannies. Notice how none of the men are doing s**t here? And wtf is up with the dog situation? If I was OP I’d dump fiancé right there and explain why: he drug her on a horrible trip with dog s**t in the car and being forced to be a nanny so her fiancé and the baby’s parents can have fun. She doesn’t just need to assert herself by saying “no, I don’t want to keep babysitting 24/7”, she needs to leave this horrible, disgusting, inconsiderate family before she’s always the de facto babysitter for the entire family’s baby at every event, including her own wedding, based on the events here. The FSIL/FBIL will probably also bring their shitty dogs to the wedding and the guests will all be stepping in dog s**t the whole time.
Family dynamics play a huge role here. If the FSIL has always called the shots, the brother isn't going to be able to just tell his sister to stop. If OP stands up for herself and the others take it badly, she might have problems with them for the rest of their married lives. She can nicely say, "If it's ok, I'm going to pass this time and go for a swim. So n so is available though", she might get the message across without friction. In any case, she'll need to plan ahead for the next vacation they all take together. Pre-plan some outings just for herself and her finance, for example,so she's not there to be a babysitter...
My approach as a girl-dad who is notoriously good with kids, is I would enjoy giving parents of an eight month old a desperately needed break while enjoying getting the magic of a baby in your arms, doubtless to have more curiosity and better morals than any of the adult company, and enjoying watching your fiance grow so glad he is deciding ways to make it up to you and celebrate you from being obviously accommodating, earning plenty of personal capital for anyone counting, amplifying my own joy and everyone else's convenience. And then say you definitely appreciated a lot of fun with future niece or nephew but will need to bow out from helping with the child for the dinner. Check and mate. ("Find rest in the work, not from the work" was a fortune cookie that set me on right path as a new dad)
Except Op has kids of her own and clearly needs a break from holding babies, too. Else she wouldn't be feeling stressed enough to post this
Load More Replies... It's harder than it looks like to say no, because there are parents who can't accept someone not wanting to stay with a baby, and it could directly lead to a discussion. One day the mother (that I hadn't seen for years) of a friend went in my home with his little brother, she gave me her 3 years old (not to his brother, probably because I'm a woman) to hold even while I was saying I didn't know how to do it and it wasn't a good idea (I was 14 years old). She saw the way I was doing it and asked all disapproving: "have you never held a baby?" "no" So she finally took the baby.
She should have just started handing the kid off to her fiance and walked away every time. Watch how quickly he stops his sister's handoffs when he finds himself on the receiving end. If he protests to her or makes any kind of excuses, it is time for him to become an Ex fiance...
thats why i'm glad my whole group of friends aren't parents. my sf and me decided to be D**K and i would loose it after 5 Minutes when someone dumped a toddler on me for the parents to have some "free time". You decide to get a child, deal with it. your sole hobby is to take care of the child. you want free time? get a paid babysitter and try not to dump the baby/toddler on your extended family.
NTA, BUT, ask Fiancé (of how long.) “why’d you ask me on the trip?…’cuz, I didn’t recall being told of dogs, & a baby supposed to be my responsibility, in cramped car?”…ya know, polite, pointed questions. . Surely he’s seen the drill so far?! . But ones you need to ask of SIL & BIL: “I don’t wanna be rude, but, was I asked along to be a nanny?…I don’t understand parents who so quickly & often hand their baby to me to mind.” . Depending how they respond (they might have ugly opinions), you must talk this out w/your fiancé. . Tell him how awful you feel, being put, Uninformed, into this mess. . If saving on trip costs was a Thing, he should say so. . That’ll tell you about him, & them. . If he knew the dogs & baby were usually passed around by them that way, & failed to tell you, THAT is new info about him. . All those issues, can be DEAL BREAKERS! But ya gotta discuss it w/‘em; might only be different habits.
NTA, I actually might sound like the AH here but I was in a similar situation where I traveled from Arizona by car to NewYork with my husbands sister and her baby. ( A trip I left my kids home for and also really wasn't excited about either). Slowly but surely I started to become the designated babysitter ~ same as you... I think it was day 3 of the 4 day drive we would make on this 2 week trip when I finally looked at my sister-in-law and said... Eh-Eh~ Nope, I don't mean to be mean but I've already did my time holding my own babies when they were that age and I never passed my duty on to anyone else but myself. I love him but you had him and it's your responsibility to hold him just as it was mine for me back in my time. So no more trying to p**n him off on me unless absolutely necessary because I've paid my baby dues to the world and now it's time you do too! Thank you~ I'm with that said I'm tired and going to close my eyes and passes out!😁
Ask yourself the question "Do I *really* want to marry into this family?"
Not only r these ppl highly irresponsible with their pets (if u can't travel with pets in a safe, vet recomended way in crates or secured with seat belts then make other arrangements 2 leave them home with a sitter or something) but they also seem a bit irresponsible with their kid...just tossing her off 2 whoever they think won't object- lo and behold its the 1 person who feels like an outsider and has no 1 there 2 stand up 4 her. Yea I went on a trip like that with my bf of 4 mnths and it was beyond crappy cuz he dumped me 3 days after we got back & he acted weird 2 me the whole vacay so I kno how alienated u can feel. She shouldve insisted her fiance deal with the issue & talk 2 the sister. Its his fam & he should never put her in that position where she has 2 possibly look like the bad guy! If I was him and my fiance was uncomfortable id TOTALLY understand y he wouldnt wanna go awkwardly have 2 say somethin 2 pple he barely knos & doesnt wanna upset. She needs 2 make sure he gets i
I honestly don't get these stupid questions if you're a doormat don't be surprised if people walk all over you just say look this ain't my kid I'm not looking after it go get a babysitter end of story
The fiancee should have stepped up and said no. Sounds like her future sister in law wanted a good time at her expense. Been down that road a long time ago. It's ALWAYS going to end band. So no she's not the ahold.
I feel bad for the baby ngl. Yes, the parents should ask first and get your permission, also they should share the 'love' with everyone there.
BTW, her fiance should be the one to ask his sister to knock it off. It's HIS family, and the OP is in a precarious position in the family. His sister will get over being upset at him, but might carry a grudge against OP.
People aren't mind readers. She needs to set boundaries and tell them she's not holding or taking care of the child. They may not like it, but everyone will at least know where she stands.
She needs to say no,but I can see why she might be uncomfortable doing that. What really needs to happen is her fiance needs to tell his family that they wanna enjoy the vacation too and they can't do that when she's got a baby on her lap the whole time. Maybe take the baby sometimes, once a day or something but asking anyone to take care of your kid every 10 minutes when you just don't feel like doing it is shitty to the other person and it's shitty parenting. But the fiance needs to step up
NTA, just weak. They shouldn't do that, but she shouldn't take it. Locking yourself up instead of telling them their behavior is unacceptable is seriously passive aggressive and will only kick the can down the road. She need to grow a backbone.
These are her FILs so worth taking a couple of minutes to think about how she can manage her boundaries better while staying on good terms. Her story sounds more like a young woman with no kids, yet she obviously has experience of raising her own so presumably has learned how to be the adult in a difficult situation.
It's easy. Had the OP wanted her vacation to consist of children, she would have brought her on!!
At first I was like, ok why is she the only one thats getting this baby? What does he mean just say no?? Why doesn't he put his sister in check? Then I realized, wait, the baby's reaching out for her in a room full of family and she hasn't known her for long. Babies can sense if people have affection for them or if they have irritation with them. The others have already said no, they have already past their point of irritation and toleration. She now has to do what she needs to do and speak up for herself. PERIOD. Noone can do it for her, and until she does no one can be blamed but her.
I wonder if the fiancé, covertly volunteered babysitting services? I bet he did, especially if they they baby’s parents are paying for trip!
NTA!! But since it doesn’t appear ya fiancé is planning to step in or step up for you… every time they pass the baby off to you, give them a 💋on the forehead, pass them off to ya fiancé and THEN leave the room (you can return holding some sort of snack on a saucer or in a mini bowl) 😉
ESH try a no first and see how that goes! A polite my kids aren't even here lol 🤣🤣 would send the message.
There's always gotta be that one drama queen who comments something like "you should really consider calling off the engagement and leave him" for the DUMBEST THINGS. f*****g annoying.
One word...Boundaries!! This woman needs to work on setting better boundaries with this entire family or her future is looking pretty slim. I feel like the only real HA here is the fiance for not stepping up and acknowledging the situation and the hardships his family has caused his future wife. Being the uncle he should be right there with her taking in all these wonderful moments with his sister's child while he has them. I think what bothers me most about this post is that 8 months is one of the best ages. Just enjoy all the baby magic and play with them have have some fun enjoy it before they become a loud bratty clever child and then a teenager.
Locking yoursef in a room and not enjoying your vacation rather than speaking up for yourself is incredibly childish and senseless. Dont have any sympathy for this person. Speak up and say no then go enjoy your vacay. I dont understand the struggle here. This is a nonproblem.
You're not an a*****e, but you are am attention seeking child-person. Locking yourself in a room and then the whole "I don't wanna become a highchair" comment... No. You want him to say no for you, when all you have to do is open your fuqin mouth.
I think the comments are wrong. She should not have to refuse openly when they give her the child. Even though it is a baby it definately understands when it is being rejected. And this baby wants to go to her by now. I have had this happen to me and you dont tell people in front of the kid that you dont want to spent time with it. You just dont. If they really dont understand what they are doing, then looking herself in the room until they do seems fair.
I think the OP is afraid of what they might say if she says no. I'm sort of like that, I would probably just pass the child to one of the other adults.
What is with your passive aggressive foot stomping? Seems like there are two babies on this holiday. You didn't have to travel with them. When someone holds out the baby to you, you can say no. You can give the baby to another family member. You can actually talk to the parents. This whole whining and complaining to the internet when you have said nothing about any of it to the people involved, is just a sign of incredible immaturity.
You had to spend hundreds of dollars for your kids wrestling tournament? What kind of parent sends there kid to a wrestling event that is so important that it costs hundreds of dollars for the child to participate in, and then goes on vacation last-minute to California instead of watching and supporting their kids?
Dear Pandas, I ain’t bored no more, but surely appalled, petrified, and ashamed of the world that we live in. In some parts of the world, people are barely surviving every minute, many victims of warmongering bully nations of the so called ‘civilized world’ and what keeps the people in the civilized world up at night is having to babysit a child while on a on a holiday trip. Woah. White men and their struggles in life, my empathy flows over.
I think OP kinda *is* the ahole. Throwing a passive aggressive tantrum is just as bad as what they are doing if not worse. For all the FSIL knows, she loves holding the baby. Just be direct.
Different to all the rest here, I got stuck on the word "invited" - I mean if she really got invited to the resort (as in: expenses paid by the fiance´s parents maybe?), it would still not be fair and a matter of lack of communication to treat her like that, but it still would put another light on it all the same I think. As in rather than saying she didn´t feel comfortable with someone else paying for an entire week in a resort and insisting on pay for herself instead, she might have gone along and is now learning that other than she naively thought it comes with strings attached. And don´t get me wrong: it would still be shitty behaviour from the family, but just be a case of her maybe asking twice and rather say no much much earlier... And given how she seems to be rather immature, I wouldn´t be surprised, if such an arrangement might have even been indicated though not directly expressed (not defending such behaviour either) and she chose to ignore it rather then to decline...
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