Husband Asks For 50% Of Wife’s Booming Business Despite Never Believing In It, Wife Isn’t Having Any Of It
They say that if you choose a job you love, you’ll never work a day in your life. And it works out even better if you kinda dislike your current work from home desk job. Makes switching easier.
An anonymous redditor recently shared a story of just that. Except, you can guess that things are never that easy in life because screw you, that’s why, and it all turned into some old-fashioned family drama.
More Info: Reddit
Flowers can be a tough sell when it comes to doing business, but there are some who make it work
Image credits: Anthony Albright
The redditor introduced herself as a 29-year-old female doing a work from home job, but she is an active person who loves the outdoors, or particularly, gardening. She figured she had some precious land in her backyard, good for growing flowers that she could sell, in turn making some money along the way.
Her husband, a 35-year-old bank clerk, was not supportive of this idea, but she went ahead and did her thing regardless. A bit more than a year later, it turned out to be quite a successful venture, raking in some decent money.
This one woman recently shared how she built her flower business from scratch and her unsupportive husband suddenly wanted a slice of the action
Image credits: u/Throwaway679__
But, one day, the husband blurted out how the wife was doing a good job with keeping “our” business “flowing.” This immediately made the wife correct him, saying how he never really believed in the idea, let alone did nothing to add to it.
Despite this, he still insisted that he wanted his “fair share” of the profits, drawing the line at nothing less than 50%. You can guess where this is going.
Image credits: u/Throwaway679__
His argument was that it was technically his land as he owned it long before she got involved. One thing led to another and the wife called the money-minded male delusional in thinking he deserves anything at all given the circumstances.
As clarification, the redditor also said that they have their own separate finances in the family, paying for only their mutual commitments like taxes and utilities. Besides, the man was well off, so it’s not like he desperately needed “his share.”
Image credits: u/Throwaway679__
The community was having none of the husband’s shenanigans. Many have argued that it is rather unfair that he should benefit from the wife’s success without even lifting a finger, and even more people strongly suggested reconsidering their marriage, considering how he went about the situation.
Yet others pointed out that he doesn’t share his finances with her, so why should she? Lastly, some even gave some financial advice and how she could go about, let say, manipulating her way out of this. In any case, the community dubbed her not the a-hole in this situation.
Image credits: u/Throwaway679__
The post has managed to garner nearly 20,000 upvotes with over 2,600 comments and more than 50 Reddit awards, including a gold medal. Beyond Reddit, it was also featured in a handful of pop media websites and forums.
The internet was on the wife’s side, not only saying her husband’s wrong, but even suggesting they divorce
So, what are your thoughts on this? Do you think the husband deserves something despite his disbelief in the business and lack of participation in it? Let us know in the comment section below!
The husband is a condescending sack of s**t and I'd divorce his ass straight away. The absolute gall.
If she does, he will indeed get 50% of her business.
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The fact that he said he only cared about her using "his" soil was because money was involved really tells me he was stung badly in his first divorce and now money has the priority in his life above his relationships. Which is good news, because he'll soon have a second divorce under his belt and he can do whatever he pleases with whatever money he has left.
That comment actually tells me the likely reason why his first wife divorced him. Men create this type of mentality themselves. They are always trying to use a woman somehow. It has nothing to do with the prior relationship, although that is a handy excuse for treating the next woman like trash. He likely had the same attitude in his first marriage, which is why his wife divorced him.
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Everybody who commented is right. I can only see a divorce happening. Not only is OP's husband unsupportive, he's rude as heck.
He's also an idiot, picking that hill to die on. She might get half the house and land and buy out the rest. Plus divorce lawyers aren't cheap.
Load More Replies... I'm comparing this in my head with another couple's situation. He owns the land and the house. At first, he wasn't keen on including his current girlfriend on paperwork or even making a will, because a previous relationship had ended badly with a big fight for his land and the house. His girlfriend has proven to be a very good partner, both loving and practical, helping him build a home-based business. So now she's included in the paperwork. The big difference is that OP's husband contributed zilch, discouraged his wife, and now treats her like a tenant farmer.
So he wants to keep finances separate, only as long as it benefits him? Seriously, the only reason not to dump him, is that you'll probably lose the garden in the divorce.
She could dig up all her plants and take them with her. There’s better dirt elsewhere. Dirt with no strings attached. Dirt she can buy with her own company’s profits.
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Since he is being a jerk about it, I would give him half the profits. But first I would pay myself enough to only leave $2.00 profit. I'd give him a buck and tell him what he could do with it.
Experienced gardener here. The expenses of gardening are largely unseen so that husband as well as any of us who are non-gardeners would totally be shocked if there were an expense list for a year of for-profit gardening. We cannot continually fill planting containers with soil from the yard, it would be (nearly) impossible to replace with sufficient compost to not have huge low areas start to develop. Still, need compost so there are hours of gathering friable materials that will breakdown into nutritious soil, buying worms, weekly turning. Purchases of seed starting containers, potting soil, seeds, plant food, pest control, hand tools, sturdy pants and shoes/boots. It is a tremendous help to have a greenhouse to avoid damage from deer, raccoons, birds, cats, and dogs. Don't forget heat packs for your back, gardening is actually work.
The whole thing was doomed from the start. If you aren't partners playing on the same team, the you are already planning for failure. I'd rather give it my all and fail, losing everything than only giving a partial effort trying to save half my stuff. I've been divorced and lost literally everything but the clothes on my back, and I don't regret it for a second. I don't miss the stuff and I can hold my head up knowing I tried my best.
Yay! I don't regret it either. I had a suitcase with clothes. Asked 4 books back. His nasty lawyer was baffled when I said: keep it.
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What a douche bag! In contrast, I started growing vegetables in pots and they were doing so well that my bf unprompted built me a large and beautiful raised bed and lets me plant whatever I want. Apparently a lot of his coworkers garden as well and he’s even asked their advice to help me with my new hobby. Run, girl, and get a lawyer!
You found a sweetie! One of my colleagues is into Lego. His boyfriend bought him a big box of Lego. Then he set aside a room for my colleague's Lego hobby. Next, he's going to build a shed for the Lego. No wonder my colleague proposed! :)
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For the first part of our 20 year marriage, I made the most money. Now my wife is making more. NEVER has there been a discussion of who's money or who owns what. We share. We are partners and adults. These two are children.
I wonder why he had a divorce before.... Get yourself a lawyer and take your flowers elsewhere, love. I get the feeling this is not the first time he showed his true colors.
It's a really sad situation and the husband in that story sounds like a money hungry prick. But her cold husband might have a point about the house, and her business value might come into play if they ever get a divorce. Money talk in relationship is always tricky, specially when one start to make and/or spend more then the other one. They need to sort this out (their relationship), and also she needs to protect herself and protect what she's building. She's already into the marriage, so whatever would happend in case of divorce can't be change unless they both agree to change it. That will require negociating with the husband. Maybe they can meet with either a marriage counselor to have a neutral mediator or a lawyer so they both see what the law actually say about their situation. Like I said, its a bad situation to be in and the husband is the oposite of being suporting and romantic or even a good person.
If the business is making much more than his salary and she doesn’t have a legal written agreement with him to keep finances separate, she is in for a shock on divorce. Just because couples keep separate bank accounts doesn’t negate the fact that in most states family assets are seen as mutual. Even if he didn’t support her on start-up.
Divorce. Now. Your husband doesn't respect you or your hard work. Return the sentiment right back to him.
I'm upvoting you because some insecure man is going around down voting good comments.
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I want to say drop the dead weight, but that may not be right, I hope. No matter your contribution to the household, your business is your business there's no mentioning him. If he wanted profit from renting "his" soil he could have give you contract. If that's not the case, he can work for you in his spare time and if he deserves it, he will make it to co-owner with 50% share. But he can't have something he did not work for, that's the business part, not relationship.
I'd incorporate and itemize the crap out of everything. Time, internet, hosting services, soil amendments, seeds, all of it. Then whatever profit is left, OP should bill that exact amount as a consultant. By the time her business is done paying her, there wouldn't be any profit to split 50/50.
That's......weird. I mean, he should be so happy for you that you've found a hobby and an income within it. He hasn't done any of the work or financial investment for the seeds/fertilizers etc why would he suddenly think he is entitled to 50%? It's super weird. You both pay for the home so it's not "his soil" it's both of yours. Does he see the entire house/land as only his even though you're married? I don't know what the rest of your marriage is like but this is just gross
Even though legally he might be right, and your profits are his too, I'm going to set my worries a step back and say: what's this nonsense about "yours" and "mine"? Maybe it's a cultural issue, but in my experience in a marriage we use the term "our" for practically everything. I find it truly distirbing that he thinks that's HIS soil, wth? It's both your house! I think there's something fundamentally wrong here. Also, the fact he called it "your little hobby", yuck! He's your partner and should have supported you. I'm not going to get in the "get a divorce" wagon because that's none of my business but this relationship needs at least a rework in order to be healthy.
Generally the rule is that if you own something before the marriage, then it is yours after the marriage, while if you get something during a marriage, it is owned by both partners. So even if he is a jerk, the husband might be right that it is his house but the both of them own the flower business.
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She’s definitely NTA! They sound like roommates, not a married couple. I hope she can get her business done in her name. And if need be divorce him, but temporarily sell the business to someone months before. Because you're tired of all the drama. Get the divorce finalized and decide that now you’d like to get back into flowers.
Divorce courts are already aware of that trick and try to stop it.
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If he owned the house before the marriage he will own the house after the marriage, at least in California. Community property is only what is accrued during the marriage.
I now see why he’s been divorced before, probably for doing s**t like this to his ex-wife.
This is why we don't do 50/50, ladies. This is what it leads to, every time. A man with a 50/50 mentality is a huge golddigger, on top of wanting all of your domestic services to keep the household running, and access to you sexually whenever he wants it. What are you getting out of this type of arrangement? This loser here is wanting to muscle in on his wife's side business as a way to pad his own account. He's got golddigger energy, not provider energy. The smart thing would be to divorce him, get half of the assets, and go out on her own. She will be far better off than trying to stay successfully married to a man with this type of mentality.
It sounds like you want the man to be the provider and the woman to take from him. So aren't you by definition a gold digger? You expect the man to provide more than the woman. It seems you are the one being selfish.
Load More Replies... S, you get 50 % of his salary, because he works, likely fueled on meals you cooked? Your other income is split equally, too? And everything where money enters or leaves your household, is shared in 50/50, right? And ... why do people marry people with such ideas, such d!ckheads? I honestly don't get why money is all that important, as, in case I'd be married, I'd consider it shared in a common bank account, and likely wouldn't even bring it up, regardless of who makes more, because then, married and stuff, I'd consider her and me the in-group, which acts towards the outside world as, more or less, one entity, ...
Leave him, you deserve so much more respect than what he is giving you. Live free of stress and free of him.
Money causes problems. With wife making so much, problems were bound to come in. Should have stuck with the poor people problems. They are simpler.
THINK - has your husband contributed any of his salary towards the house, food, electricity etc before your business started making money?? He probably thinks it's fair for you to share. You both need to sit down and discuss all this calmly, no OMGs or WTFs just even have something you want to say already written down and go through them point by point, listening and taking turns . You're in an adult relationship. Act like adults in solving the problem.
She had a job as well working from home while building her flower business. She said they both contribute equally to all their expenses and their finances are kept separate at his suggestion but was fine with her since they'd both been through a prior divorce. She also stated in a update that she'd been bringing in more of the items into the household since she'd been making more money.
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Firstly, this relationship financial dynamic is weird. Why is there a need for separation of anything? Neither of them respect each other I think. And the husband is a d**k.
I suspect he wanted separate finances because of past issues in his previous marriage. So his insecurities/trust issues prompted a financial separation. Now that he insists on being paid 50% of her earnings, his greed is the problem. That would motivate his wife to avoid sharing finances.
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The husband is being an ass.... That being said, welcome to show. Men have been coughing up 50% of their business in a divorce for decades. Unfortunately, he has the upper hand. He owned the home before he married you and that is an arguable point. You created the business during the marriage and his income helped start it. The court will give him half and most of the house no matter how much of a douche he is being.
His income did not help start her business, she had a job and it took her 18 months to get her flower business off the ground. Furthermore, when women would get 50% of anything from their spouses, it's typically when they've been homemakers and raising their children, not when they have jobs making nearly as much or more than their spouses.
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Well... he's an insecure little man who got butt hurt because not only did a woman do something he said she wasnt capable of, but she was successful enough at it earn an income independant of him. Poor fragile little egos need to be dealt with dilligently. I suggest pulling weeds like this out by the roots. If necssary, dig up a little dirt around the roots to ensure you get it all. Put the whole man, roots, dirt and all into a plastic bag to ensure suffocation and dispose of appropriately. Treat the damaged earth with love, care and your preferred fertiliser. Plant favourite flowers in the hole and watch them bloom.
I used to be a grocery cashier when I lived in the US. One of my regulars was a lady who owned her own dog grooming/breeding/training business. She'd been married for 30-plus years, and had three grown kids. One day, she shows up at the store looking absolutely devastated. I asked her what was wrong. She told me that her husband wanted a divorce; he'd fallen in love with his secretary, who was barely older than their oldest daughter. As it turned out, his lawyers tried to tell her lawyers that he wanted her to sell her dog business and give him half, "since TX is a community property state." Her lawyers said, "Not so fast. Look at the incorporation paperwork. Everything's in her maiden name; she started her business well before they got married. She keeps it all, he gets nothing. KTHXBAI."
I have been married for over 35 years. Like your husband in my first marriage got taken to the cleaners. I vowed it would never happen to me again. I vowed I would never be hungrey again. So I kept my money seperate and saved and worked and saved. My husband on the other hand never showed me his check, I never knew how much money he made. He spent and didn't save. Now that we are old he claims my money is his? He has become bitter and angry that he has no acess to my money. He stoped working on the relationship years ago. He won't take me to dinner, dancing, and absolutely no sex. He says I have plenty of money on my own I can pay my own way. I stayed in the relationship becaue my son was dying. I needed help. Now I stay because I am waiting for him to die so I don't have to split my money with him. He is demeaning and emotionaly cruel. Take the hit well your young. Don't waite find a good lawyer who will also take all your money.
Am I the only one contemplating that he can contribute and earn his 50% by dropping dead so that his body can become fertilizer and help the garden prosper? Asshole!
The answer is no. And he should be happy about the extra income for vacations, food, geberal expenses... My wife makes s**t load more than I do. I never ask for her to collaborate more than half, but she always does, and i love her more for doing so unconditionally.
Were she not growing flowers on the soil, would he instead be using that space or that soil to generate income??
Why this mentality still exist. Most men think - my things/money/preperty are "mine", her things/money/property are also "mine". including the wife herself. and all her efforts, everything done by her just belongs to him, he is entitled to it, he believes he deserve all and she is there to serve him. the man. the master of the universe. because he was born with a peepee. Just wow. What made men to be so selfish, egocentric and entitled. It's just genitals, which literally half the creatures on earth have it. Animals, insects, even plants etc. - half of them are male, half female - nothing special here. You need them for breeding. That's it. Nothing more, nothing magical, nothing "higher", nothing special. But we turned it into a big deal. No logic at all. Men don't deserve women in their lives nowadays. They contribute nothing but want all. Not fair and noone chooses how to be born.
So he does what many many (#notallwomen, of course) do the whole time, and the internet is complaining?
Why not buy your own soil and keep going just to spite him? that's what I would do.
Now reverse the roles and you will get 90% of real divorces in America.
I think what confuses me about some of these posts is why are they wasting time asking if they are an a**h**e and not spending their time filing for divorce. It's mystifying (and sometimes terrifying) how many people don't recognize what sort of negative relationship situations they are in. If this is the thing they're willing to share with the public I can't even imagine what this relationship is like behind closed doors. It breaks my heart.
Not supporting anyone's behavior but, I can never understand the wholel "yours, mine" in a marriage. I'm married, and I am the one who makes money. Whatever is mine is hers. It's not even 50-50, It's 100-100.
He really showed you his true self!!! So was he planning to keep the house in event of a divorce? Get your ducks in a row, a good attorney to protect your business and run!!! I wouldn’t trust that he has your best interest at heart. He should get a lawyer too, he’s in for a big surprise!
The husband may be an A-hole but he isn’t wrong, would be interesting to know more about their financials ie if the bulk of the money coming into the home before her business took off was his, what the financial spread of the bills were/are, if their financials are joint accounts etc etc. My business is doing ok post lockdowns but during I was 100% dependant on my husbands income which I hated but being part of a marriage = sharing
if you live in a community property state, your spouse is automatically a 50% partner in any business you start after the marriage, no exceptions... even if you do all the work... the judge will take away 50% of the business in stock or equity if you don't settle before the hearing... Other states use the theory that the spouse has an equitable interest in each other's business if the business was started after marriage. Sounds like the wife is just being selfish here.
Sounds like he is making a case for why he should become fertilizer for those flowers.
There's a REASON your husband was divorced the first time - you have just discovered it. He's an asshole. ...///... When you marry a divorced person be VERY careful. Anyone who claims their ex is "crazy" or a "bitch" all the time is lying to you. They got dumped and that doesn't happen without a serious reason.
Any dude who calls his ex a bitch or crazy is telling me that he is the one who made her that way.
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Share the expenses equally? Do you both make the same amount of money? You need to watch a movie called the Joy Luck Club in which a wife is expected to pay half of all the expenses in the house, even though she earns way less than her husband. Her mother points out the unfairness of this by seeing a list of grocery expenses that included ice cream. The mother asked her why she's paying for half of his ice cream when she, her daughter, doesn't eat ice cream because she's lactose intolerant. Your husband is taking advantage of you. Maybe it's time to start breaking down expenses into equal sharing and what you each are responsible for on your own. It also means he's entitled to nothing in regards to your flower business.
The red flags were there long before the marriage and this woman chose to ignore them.
Unfortunately for her, when they divorce, he'll probably get half anyway. My ex was the same way.
If you can't share with your partner, you don't have a viable partnership. I'm on the wife's side here.
Wow people get married stupidly early. If you're already divorced at 35 guess what, it means you're not ready. 29 ywars old, hes dragging her down. Some people are just begging to be separated. "Our business " my ass.
If they're married then he's entitled to 50%, regardless of what he's said
I would dump his ass and ask for half of everything during the divorce
This hysterical. How many jokes did Johnny Carson's grasping ex-wife tell to 'earn' the 13 MILLION dollars she extorted during their divorce? Women are happy to claim 'HALF' when the man is rich. When it's the wife's time to pay, she and forgetful feminists forget the rules about community property, Cough up 50% lady. That's the law.
A childish squabble from both sides. Neither are mature enough to be married. Express your concerns with your spouse, grow up, don't ask the effing internet.
The husband is a condescending sack of s**t and I'd divorce his ass straight away. The absolute gall.
If she does, he will indeed get 50% of her business.
Load More Replies... The fact that he said he only cared about her using "his" soil was because money was involved really tells me he was stung badly in his first divorce and now money has the priority in his life above his relationships. Which is good news, because he'll soon have a second divorce under his belt and he can do whatever he pleases with whatever money he has left.
That comment actually tells me the likely reason why his first wife divorced him. Men create this type of mentality themselves. They are always trying to use a woman somehow. It has nothing to do with the prior relationship, although that is a handy excuse for treating the next woman like trash. He likely had the same attitude in his first marriage, which is why his wife divorced him.
Load More Replies... Everybody who commented is right. I can only see a divorce happening. Not only is OP's husband unsupportive, he's rude as heck.
He's also an idiot, picking that hill to die on. She might get half the house and land and buy out the rest. Plus divorce lawyers aren't cheap.
Load More Replies... I'm comparing this in my head with another couple's situation. He owns the land and the house. At first, he wasn't keen on including his current girlfriend on paperwork or even making a will, because a previous relationship had ended badly with a big fight for his land and the house. His girlfriend has proven to be a very good partner, both loving and practical, helping him build a home-based business. So now she's included in the paperwork. The big difference is that OP's husband contributed zilch, discouraged his wife, and now treats her like a tenant farmer.
So he wants to keep finances separate, only as long as it benefits him? Seriously, the only reason not to dump him, is that you'll probably lose the garden in the divorce.
She could dig up all her plants and take them with her. There’s better dirt elsewhere. Dirt with no strings attached. Dirt she can buy with her own company’s profits.
Load More Replies... Since he is being a jerk about it, I would give him half the profits. But first I would pay myself enough to only leave $2.00 profit. I'd give him a buck and tell him what he could do with it.
Experienced gardener here. The expenses of gardening are largely unseen so that husband as well as any of us who are non-gardeners would totally be shocked if there were an expense list for a year of for-profit gardening. We cannot continually fill planting containers with soil from the yard, it would be (nearly) impossible to replace with sufficient compost to not have huge low areas start to develop. Still, need compost so there are hours of gathering friable materials that will breakdown into nutritious soil, buying worms, weekly turning. Purchases of seed starting containers, potting soil, seeds, plant food, pest control, hand tools, sturdy pants and shoes/boots. It is a tremendous help to have a greenhouse to avoid damage from deer, raccoons, birds, cats, and dogs. Don't forget heat packs for your back, gardening is actually work.
The whole thing was doomed from the start. If you aren't partners playing on the same team, the you are already planning for failure. I'd rather give it my all and fail, losing everything than only giving a partial effort trying to save half my stuff. I've been divorced and lost literally everything but the clothes on my back, and I don't regret it for a second. I don't miss the stuff and I can hold my head up knowing I tried my best.
Yay! I don't regret it either. I had a suitcase with clothes. Asked 4 books back. His nasty lawyer was baffled when I said: keep it.
Load More Replies... What a douche bag! In contrast, I started growing vegetables in pots and they were doing so well that my bf unprompted built me a large and beautiful raised bed and lets me plant whatever I want. Apparently a lot of his coworkers garden as well and he’s even asked their advice to help me with my new hobby. Run, girl, and get a lawyer!
You found a sweetie! One of my colleagues is into Lego. His boyfriend bought him a big box of Lego. Then he set aside a room for my colleague's Lego hobby. Next, he's going to build a shed for the Lego. No wonder my colleague proposed! :)
Load More Replies... For the first part of our 20 year marriage, I made the most money. Now my wife is making more. NEVER has there been a discussion of who's money or who owns what. We share. We are partners and adults. These two are children.
I wonder why he had a divorce before.... Get yourself a lawyer and take your flowers elsewhere, love. I get the feeling this is not the first time he showed his true colors.
It's a really sad situation and the husband in that story sounds like a money hungry prick. But her cold husband might have a point about the house, and her business value might come into play if they ever get a divorce. Money talk in relationship is always tricky, specially when one start to make and/or spend more then the other one. They need to sort this out (their relationship), and also she needs to protect herself and protect what she's building. She's already into the marriage, so whatever would happend in case of divorce can't be change unless they both agree to change it. That will require negociating with the husband. Maybe they can meet with either a marriage counselor to have a neutral mediator or a lawyer so they both see what the law actually say about their situation. Like I said, its a bad situation to be in and the husband is the oposite of being suporting and romantic or even a good person.
If the business is making much more than his salary and she doesn’t have a legal written agreement with him to keep finances separate, she is in for a shock on divorce. Just because couples keep separate bank accounts doesn’t negate the fact that in most states family assets are seen as mutual. Even if he didn’t support her on start-up.
Divorce. Now. Your husband doesn't respect you or your hard work. Return the sentiment right back to him.
I'm upvoting you because some insecure man is going around down voting good comments.
Load More Replies... I want to say drop the dead weight, but that may not be right, I hope. No matter your contribution to the household, your business is your business there's no mentioning him. If he wanted profit from renting "his" soil he could have give you contract. If that's not the case, he can work for you in his spare time and if he deserves it, he will make it to co-owner with 50% share. But he can't have something he did not work for, that's the business part, not relationship.
I'd incorporate and itemize the crap out of everything. Time, internet, hosting services, soil amendments, seeds, all of it. Then whatever profit is left, OP should bill that exact amount as a consultant. By the time her business is done paying her, there wouldn't be any profit to split 50/50.
That's......weird. I mean, he should be so happy for you that you've found a hobby and an income within it. He hasn't done any of the work or financial investment for the seeds/fertilizers etc why would he suddenly think he is entitled to 50%? It's super weird. You both pay for the home so it's not "his soil" it's both of yours. Does he see the entire house/land as only his even though you're married? I don't know what the rest of your marriage is like but this is just gross
Even though legally he might be right, and your profits are his too, I'm going to set my worries a step back and say: what's this nonsense about "yours" and "mine"? Maybe it's a cultural issue, but in my experience in a marriage we use the term "our" for practically everything. I find it truly distirbing that he thinks that's HIS soil, wth? It's both your house! I think there's something fundamentally wrong here. Also, the fact he called it "your little hobby", yuck! He's your partner and should have supported you. I'm not going to get in the "get a divorce" wagon because that's none of my business but this relationship needs at least a rework in order to be healthy.
Generally the rule is that if you own something before the marriage, then it is yours after the marriage, while if you get something during a marriage, it is owned by both partners. So even if he is a jerk, the husband might be right that it is his house but the both of them own the flower business.
Load More Replies... She’s definitely NTA! They sound like roommates, not a married couple. I hope she can get her business done in her name. And if need be divorce him, but temporarily sell the business to someone months before. Because you're tired of all the drama. Get the divorce finalized and decide that now you’d like to get back into flowers.
Divorce courts are already aware of that trick and try to stop it.
Load More Replies... If he owned the house before the marriage he will own the house after the marriage, at least in California. Community property is only what is accrued during the marriage.
I now see why he’s been divorced before, probably for doing s**t like this to his ex-wife.
This is why we don't do 50/50, ladies. This is what it leads to, every time. A man with a 50/50 mentality is a huge golddigger, on top of wanting all of your domestic services to keep the household running, and access to you sexually whenever he wants it. What are you getting out of this type of arrangement? This loser here is wanting to muscle in on his wife's side business as a way to pad his own account. He's got golddigger energy, not provider energy. The smart thing would be to divorce him, get half of the assets, and go out on her own. She will be far better off than trying to stay successfully married to a man with this type of mentality.
It sounds like you want the man to be the provider and the woman to take from him. So aren't you by definition a gold digger? You expect the man to provide more than the woman. It seems you are the one being selfish.
Load More Replies... S, you get 50 % of his salary, because he works, likely fueled on meals you cooked? Your other income is split equally, too? And everything where money enters or leaves your household, is shared in 50/50, right? And ... why do people marry people with such ideas, such d!ckheads? I honestly don't get why money is all that important, as, in case I'd be married, I'd consider it shared in a common bank account, and likely wouldn't even bring it up, regardless of who makes more, because then, married and stuff, I'd consider her and me the in-group, which acts towards the outside world as, more or less, one entity, ...
Leave him, you deserve so much more respect than what he is giving you. Live free of stress and free of him.
Money causes problems. With wife making so much, problems were bound to come in. Should have stuck with the poor people problems. They are simpler.
THINK - has your husband contributed any of his salary towards the house, food, electricity etc before your business started making money?? He probably thinks it's fair for you to share. You both need to sit down and discuss all this calmly, no OMGs or WTFs just even have something you want to say already written down and go through them point by point, listening and taking turns . You're in an adult relationship. Act like adults in solving the problem.
She had a job as well working from home while building her flower business. She said they both contribute equally to all their expenses and their finances are kept separate at his suggestion but was fine with her since they'd both been through a prior divorce. She also stated in a update that she'd been bringing in more of the items into the household since she'd been making more money.
Load More Replies... Firstly, this relationship financial dynamic is weird. Why is there a need for separation of anything? Neither of them respect each other I think. And the husband is a d**k.
I suspect he wanted separate finances because of past issues in his previous marriage. So his insecurities/trust issues prompted a financial separation. Now that he insists on being paid 50% of her earnings, his greed is the problem. That would motivate his wife to avoid sharing finances.
Load More Replies... The husband is being an ass.... That being said, welcome to show. Men have been coughing up 50% of their business in a divorce for decades. Unfortunately, he has the upper hand. He owned the home before he married you and that is an arguable point. You created the business during the marriage and his income helped start it. The court will give him half and most of the house no matter how much of a douche he is being.
His income did not help start her business, she had a job and it took her 18 months to get her flower business off the ground. Furthermore, when women would get 50% of anything from their spouses, it's typically when they've been homemakers and raising their children, not when they have jobs making nearly as much or more than their spouses.
Load More Replies... Well... he's an insecure little man who got butt hurt because not only did a woman do something he said she wasnt capable of, but she was successful enough at it earn an income independant of him. Poor fragile little egos need to be dealt with dilligently. I suggest pulling weeds like this out by the roots. If necssary, dig up a little dirt around the roots to ensure you get it all. Put the whole man, roots, dirt and all into a plastic bag to ensure suffocation and dispose of appropriately. Treat the damaged earth with love, care and your preferred fertiliser. Plant favourite flowers in the hole and watch them bloom.
I used to be a grocery cashier when I lived in the US. One of my regulars was a lady who owned her own dog grooming/breeding/training business. She'd been married for 30-plus years, and had three grown kids. One day, she shows up at the store looking absolutely devastated. I asked her what was wrong. She told me that her husband wanted a divorce; he'd fallen in love with his secretary, who was barely older than their oldest daughter. As it turned out, his lawyers tried to tell her lawyers that he wanted her to sell her dog business and give him half, "since TX is a community property state." Her lawyers said, "Not so fast. Look at the incorporation paperwork. Everything's in her maiden name; she started her business well before they got married. She keeps it all, he gets nothing. KTHXBAI."
I have been married for over 35 years. Like your husband in my first marriage got taken to the cleaners. I vowed it would never happen to me again. I vowed I would never be hungrey again. So I kept my money seperate and saved and worked and saved. My husband on the other hand never showed me his check, I never knew how much money he made. He spent and didn't save. Now that we are old he claims my money is his? He has become bitter and angry that he has no acess to my money. He stoped working on the relationship years ago. He won't take me to dinner, dancing, and absolutely no sex. He says I have plenty of money on my own I can pay my own way. I stayed in the relationship becaue my son was dying. I needed help. Now I stay because I am waiting for him to die so I don't have to split my money with him. He is demeaning and emotionaly cruel. Take the hit well your young. Don't waite find a good lawyer who will also take all your money.
Am I the only one contemplating that he can contribute and earn his 50% by dropping dead so that his body can become fertilizer and help the garden prosper? Asshole!
The answer is no. And he should be happy about the extra income for vacations, food, geberal expenses... My wife makes s**t load more than I do. I never ask for her to collaborate more than half, but she always does, and i love her more for doing so unconditionally.
Were she not growing flowers on the soil, would he instead be using that space or that soil to generate income??
Why this mentality still exist. Most men think - my things/money/preperty are "mine", her things/money/property are also "mine". including the wife herself. and all her efforts, everything done by her just belongs to him, he is entitled to it, he believes he deserve all and she is there to serve him. the man. the master of the universe. because he was born with a peepee. Just wow. What made men to be so selfish, egocentric and entitled. It's just genitals, which literally half the creatures on earth have it. Animals, insects, even plants etc. - half of them are male, half female - nothing special here. You need them for breeding. That's it. Nothing more, nothing magical, nothing "higher", nothing special. But we turned it into a big deal. No logic at all. Men don't deserve women in their lives nowadays. They contribute nothing but want all. Not fair and noone chooses how to be born.
So he does what many many (#notallwomen, of course) do the whole time, and the internet is complaining?
Why not buy your own soil and keep going just to spite him? that's what I would do.
Now reverse the roles and you will get 90% of real divorces in America.
I think what confuses me about some of these posts is why are they wasting time asking if they are an a**h**e and not spending their time filing for divorce. It's mystifying (and sometimes terrifying) how many people don't recognize what sort of negative relationship situations they are in. If this is the thing they're willing to share with the public I can't even imagine what this relationship is like behind closed doors. It breaks my heart.
Not supporting anyone's behavior but, I can never understand the wholel "yours, mine" in a marriage. I'm married, and I am the one who makes money. Whatever is mine is hers. It's not even 50-50, It's 100-100.
He really showed you his true self!!! So was he planning to keep the house in event of a divorce? Get your ducks in a row, a good attorney to protect your business and run!!! I wouldn’t trust that he has your best interest at heart. He should get a lawyer too, he’s in for a big surprise!
The husband may be an A-hole but he isn’t wrong, would be interesting to know more about their financials ie if the bulk of the money coming into the home before her business took off was his, what the financial spread of the bills were/are, if their financials are joint accounts etc etc. My business is doing ok post lockdowns but during I was 100% dependant on my husbands income which I hated but being part of a marriage = sharing
if you live in a community property state, your spouse is automatically a 50% partner in any business you start after the marriage, no exceptions... even if you do all the work... the judge will take away 50% of the business in stock or equity if you don't settle before the hearing... Other states use the theory that the spouse has an equitable interest in each other's business if the business was started after marriage. Sounds like the wife is just being selfish here.
Sounds like he is making a case for why he should become fertilizer for those flowers.
There's a REASON your husband was divorced the first time - you have just discovered it. He's an asshole. ...///... When you marry a divorced person be VERY careful. Anyone who claims their ex is "crazy" or a "bitch" all the time is lying to you. They got dumped and that doesn't happen without a serious reason.
Any dude who calls his ex a bitch or crazy is telling me that he is the one who made her that way.
Load More Replies... Share the expenses equally? Do you both make the same amount of money? You need to watch a movie called the Joy Luck Club in which a wife is expected to pay half of all the expenses in the house, even though she earns way less than her husband. Her mother points out the unfairness of this by seeing a list of grocery expenses that included ice cream. The mother asked her why she's paying for half of his ice cream when she, her daughter, doesn't eat ice cream because she's lactose intolerant. Your husband is taking advantage of you. Maybe it's time to start breaking down expenses into equal sharing and what you each are responsible for on your own. It also means he's entitled to nothing in regards to your flower business.
The red flags were there long before the marriage and this woman chose to ignore them.
Unfortunately for her, when they divorce, he'll probably get half anyway. My ex was the same way.
If you can't share with your partner, you don't have a viable partnership. I'm on the wife's side here.
Wow people get married stupidly early. If you're already divorced at 35 guess what, it means you're not ready. 29 ywars old, hes dragging her down. Some people are just begging to be separated. "Our business " my ass.
If they're married then he's entitled to 50%, regardless of what he's said
I would dump his ass and ask for half of everything during the divorce
This hysterical. How many jokes did Johnny Carson's grasping ex-wife tell to 'earn' the 13 MILLION dollars she extorted during their divorce? Women are happy to claim 'HALF' when the man is rich. When it's the wife's time to pay, she and forgetful feminists forget the rules about community property, Cough up 50% lady. That's the law.
A childish squabble from both sides. Neither are mature enough to be married. Express your concerns with your spouse, grow up, don't ask the effing internet.
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