Petty Husband Sparks Family Drama After Throwing Out All The Traditional Food His Loving Wife Made For Her Family
Some slight disagreements are par for course in most relationships, as nobody’s perfect. But when it comes to food and cooking… things can get a bit extremely spicy. Case in point, redditor u/Throwar563577 shared the family drama that happened with her husband when her family were supposed to visit.
The thing that you need to know about the redditor’s husband is that he absolutely loathes the traditional Asian food that she makes for her relatives. So much so that he refuses to even touch the food. Another bone of contention for him is that his wife refuses to make any other meals until all the leftovers are finished. And considering that the husband doesn’t cook, he’s left grumbling and eating fast food.
Things got incredibly heated, however, when the husband threw away all of the food his wife had prepared for her family. They got into an argument, and things quickly got out of hand. You can read the full story in the redditor’s own words below, dear Pandas. It just goes to show how important open and honest communication is when it comes to chores and grievances.
Bored Panda reached out to pie artist and cooking expert Jessica Clark-Bojin to hear her opinion about the situation, what to do if our partners have issues with the smells and the flavors of certain dishes, and what lies at the core of confidence in the kitchen.
“With time and patience and a bit of humor you can adjust your palate over time,” Jessica points out. “Remember that at the end of the day the reason behind all the time we spend preparing traditional food and learning fancy cooking and baking techniques is to create memorable happy experiences with the people we care about. Food is just food. ‘Traditional food’ is love. The gentleman who chucked all of his wife’s cooking would do well to remember that!” Scroll down for our full interview with Jessica that delves deep into how to replace arguments over food with love and respect!
A woman shared how her husband disrespected her time and effort and caused a fierce argument
Image credits: Yuya Yoshioka
Here’s the full story, all in her own words
Pie artist and cooking expert Jessica explained that some dishes naturally have “very strong aromas,” so some people who didn’t grow up with those smells and flavors. For them, these can be “rather jarring initially.” However, there are various ways around this.
“If it is a significant concern for a couple, opting to convert a pantry or closet/nook into a dedicated spice kitchen—an enclosed cooking space with a special vent system to keep strong smells from entering the main kitchen—could be the perfect solution, albeit a pricey one! That’s not an option for most couples, however. If the larger concern is that one of the pair ‘hates’ the other’s traditional food, to the point of throwing away any instances of it encountered in the house, that requires a rather different approach,” Jessica explained to Bored Panda and launched into the possible solutions.
“The ‘offended’ party basically has three options, 1. Leave the house any time their spouse is cooking, and resign themselves to eating solo much of the time, 2. Guilt/bully their spouse into giving up a meaningful part of their life and never cook their traditional foods in the house again, or 3. Choose to commit to changing their attitude towards their partner’s traditional food slowly over time in an effort to understand and share more fully in each other’s lives. You can probably guess which one I would advocate for!” Jessica said. And we fully agree, the third path is obviously the best for a sound and healthy long-term relationship.
“Although ‘door number three’ is not for the faint of heart, with time and patience and a bit of humor you can adjust your palate over time. Begin with micro-exposures to the flavors you find most jarring. Rather than force yourself to eat a twelve-course meal of foods you have traditionally not enjoyed, start with taking just a few of the components, such as a certain spice or flavor combination, and add a bit of them to something you do already like,” the cooking expert shared with Bored Panda.
“Try adding a bit of curry powder to a baked mac and cheese, or tahini instead of peanut butter in home-baked chocolate peanut butter cookies. Over time you’ll get used to the flavors and will eventually become more amenable to trying a full traditional dish! It is an undertaking, no doubt, but if you care about your partner, and this is something very important to them, it’s probably worth the effort.”
If that doesn’t work out, you could always go for the old ‘quid pro quo’ approach. “You’ll take the time to learn about and get accustomed to their traditional food if they take the time to learn about something you care deeply about, like a particular sport or hobby of yours they don’t love. ‘I’ll learn to love kimchee if you learn to love listening to Steely Dan, watching WWE, and playing Magic the Gathering with me.’ That sort of deal,” she suggested.
I was also interested to learn more about confidence in the kitchen. In Jessica’s opinion, confidence comes from “manufacturing positive experiences” in the kitchen. Successes, large and small, are great for bolstering your confidence, but it’s also vital to remember to have fun.
“Nailing a complex recipe and creating something delicious that friends and family heap praise on you for is lovely, and a sure-fire way to encourage someone to get back in the kitchen for a go at another recipe. But simply having fun in the kitchen is also a great way to foster confidence and encourage experimentation,” she told Bored Panda.
“Baking with a friend, or friendly family member, and having a great time together even if everything is going sideways on you will keep you coming back for more. Baking together through Zoom with a friend works too! Just don’t take things too seriously, have a sense of humor, and learn to laugh at your disasters as you learn from them.”
Most redditors were firmly on the wife’s side. Here’s what they had to say about the entire drama
The redditor’s husband trashed all of the food his wife had cooked for her relatives who didn’t show up at the last minute. That was his juvenile way of ‘convincing’ his partner to cook some of his favorite meals because she said she’d only do it once the fridge was empty. Of course, things didn’t go according to his plan.
Though he ended up apologizing, his wife promised to never cook for him again. However, she was still unsure about whether or not she did the right thing, so she shared the story on the AITA subreddit, asking for a verdict. The vast majority of people thought that her husband was clearly the one who messed up in this situation and the redditor’s reaction was measured. However, what do you think, dear Pandas? Whose side are you on?
Dividing up chores at home can be a headache that leads to a bunch of drama if tackled incorrectly. A bit earlier, I spoke about chores with relationship expert Dan Bacon from The Modern Man. According to him, if we want to avoid unnecessary, ongoing arguments and building up resentment, we have to be prepared to have honest conversations about practical things like chores.
“Housework used to be seen as women’s work only, due to a man traditionally being the breadwinner and the woman staying at home all day. Yet, in today’s society, if both the man and woman are working, it’s more fair, loving, and respectful for both of them to contribute to keeping the house clean,” the relationship expert said.
“On the other hand, if a man is the sole breadwinner and the woman stays home all day, many people would agree that she should do most or even all of the housework. That said, no one actually ‘has to’ do anything in a relationship,” he told Bored Panda earlier.
“A woman shouldn’t ever force a man to do housework and a man shouldn’t force a woman to do it either. Instead, the couple should honestly agree on what they feel is fair and then go with that. If it feels unfair to one of them, resentment will build up, arguments will happen and they will feel less connected and happy as a couple,” Dan warned.
One way to move forward is to ask your partner if it’s fair, loving, and respectful for them to make you do a particular chore, e.g. cooking, all the time.
“Have a conversation about how it seems like there’s not enough time to do everything in today’s life, but also point out that you want to enjoy a more balanced life. Then, have a discussion about what adjustments you can make, if any, to live a more balanced life,” he said.
“Once you’ve achieved that, try to make some more adjustments and keep going until you feel like you have a more enjoyable, balanced lifestyle given the circumstances. Also, keep in mind the life of each family is different. It’s not possible to be exactly the same as another family, so be the best that you can be based on your circumstances.”
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Did someone not get the subservient slave-wife from another country that he envisioned from harmful stereotypes? Oh boo hoo. I hope she dumps his racist ass.
My brother married an Asian women because "You American women are too independent". He wouldn't listen when I tried to reason that women who didn't want to play the "traditional" role of being subservient are the ones who want to leave and come here. His wife is anything but subservient and it's been a rocky marriage.
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As usual these threads are never about the incident itself. This woman married a man who does not respect her culture, her family or her. I can’t imagine he just became like this after marriage. He will not change. She needs to leave and if she makes the choice not to then she better start cooking
I get what you say, however I have experience that it's not how it works. Sometimes you just don't want to notice those little hints or jokes. And yes they may be obvious for everyone except for the one.
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Picky eater here. There are plenty of things that my SO, kids and extended families eat that I don't. That's on me, though, and if my wife cooked stuff I don't like that sucks for me but I just make something for myself. It's called being an adult.
Yeah, it's not his baby tastes that are the problem here, it's his insistence that the wife and her family should adopt his baby tastes.
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My latest ex was a bit like this. He'd refuse to eat leftovers, except when it was lasagna, and he expected me to keep eating the leftovers on my own and then cook something new for him every day. BTW we were both trying to become chefs at the time, so he definitely also knew how to cook. We lived together for a bit over a year, and I think he only cooked 2-5 times during that whole time. He had also whined to some of our mutual friends that I'm not feeding him, which was a blatant lie. Twice he accused me of scamming money from him because I paid all our bills and I bought all the food, so ofc I took some of his money for all of that. So I told him to feed himself then, and both times he ran out of money and food in 1-2 weeks and then he wanted me to take care of him again. I bought him snacks and treats, and he'd eat it all in 1-2 days when they were supposed to last for a week. I was trying so hard to be good, but he didn't try at all. He needed a mommy, not a gf.
Throw the whole man away. He's a disrespectful, petulant, spoiled brat.
He's behaving like a spoiled five-year-old who throws temper tantrums whenever his mother pays attention to anything but himself.
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NTA. Somebody in your house cooked food and you don't like it? That's too bad. Suck it up and cook for yourself. Or order delivery. And don't throw away anything if you didn't cook it yourself. If you believe the food is spoiled - tell about it the person who cooked it and suggest throwing it away.
Or—-crazy thought—-try eating the food she cooked. You never know, you just might actually like at least some of it.
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He can either learn to cook, or they can learn to cook "fusion", or she can compromise. When first married, I'd already been a vegetarian since forever; Hubby was a carnivore. I made dishes we'd both eat, with meat for him, b/c i knew how to cook it, etc. As a thanks, he did all the clean-up. And 30 years later, it's still working out fine, even tho' he's now also vegetarian. I don't like tofu, but cook it for him; he hates most cheeses, but won't throw out my cheese. We call it "compromise".
That's how all true, lasting relationships should work! It's the same in my marriage & it's been going strong for over 20 years.
Load More Replies... What a f****n d**k. This dude sounds like a whiney little bitch. Since he's too prissy to get HIS hands dirty, he can eat at other places that arent fast food. What an ungrateful c**t
I love how everyone else is saying "he's so disrespectful" and "he's acting like a little kid having a temper tantrum" but you're all "ungrateful c**t". Hooray for you, thank you! :-D
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Was married with a Nigerian lady. She mostly cooked Nigerian food so our children grow up with it. Now I totally dispise Nigerian food, that I hate it is a mild description. Just this overcooked meat ☹️but I always ate my share because I loved my wife and that she went shopping and cooked for us. The husband in this story is an unpleasant person not worth being attached to him.
The husband isn't being petty, the husband is being utterly disrespectful, rude and lazy. You shouldn't cook what your family like to eat when they visit? What an awful man. You shouldn't be with him, he sounds horrific.
Simple solution. Actually multiple. He can learn how to cook. Or starve. Asian kitchen is full of great tastes, healthy, fresh and plenty of different dishes for EVERYONE to find what they enjoy. I almost want to say that this dude only likes hamburgers or chicken nuggets. Doesn't matter anyway, I would do a lot worse to him for throwing away good food (I know how it is to be starving...).
Can't they meet half way? He cooks, but she looks at freezing the food made for her family, so there isn't days of it?
Some foods are not suitable for freezing. Judging from his reaction to food, I wonder what he's like with other household chores.
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I'm Asian and my long term partner is Caucasian but he never complains with whatever my family or I cook, if he doesn't like any of the cooked meal then he just eat something else that's available without complaining. OH sorry my partner is an adult though, your husband acted like a kid. Don't let him get away with this kind of actions or else it will never change for the next many years to come. OP, you're NTA.
I love how the people in these situations always offer the, "You are MAKING me eat fast food [or whatever the problem is]", like there isn't an obvious third choice here of... make food yourself? Even if he really can't cook (which sounds more like, "I don't want to learn" to me), he can't make a sandwich and heat up some canned soup? I do kind of think that maybe the term "abuse" gets thrown around a bit too haphazardly, but a person can use abusive tactics without necessarily being abusive, and in this case, he's making the whole, "You're MAKING me hit you!" argument that offers a false dichotomy.
Another American male overgrown baby. Why can't he just make a meal for himself? Are you the maid? Is he the only one earning income and so treats you like his personal chef? As a foreign woman who married an American, i can tell you many American males still have the old fashioned 'wife barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen' attitude, where we're still just breeding cattle to serve their every need. He doesn't respect you, your family or your heritage, and likely never will. Leave and find a man who will appreciate you, and who isn't an overgrown child who can't even make himself a damn sandwich. Run and save yourself before this gets worse.
Oh girl.... The food your husband says he doesn't like is the least of his problems. Why do so many women ignore red flags?
It could be with men too... but somehow I've seen more women tolerating this kind of s***y behavior than men. The best solution is try to love herself a little more and dump him for good
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So we don't know WHAT she is making for her family. Could be something that while a rare delicacy in Asia might be gross here. That being said. He should be happy that he has a wife who cares so much about family and wants to cook. He can get off his ass and cook a burger if he wants. He is lazy but not racist. Not liking a type of food doesn't make you racist.
Um... your husband is broken... exchange him immediately for a new one or maybe an X-Box or something... He's fired!
She needs to throw out the whole husband! Put him on the curb with her food that he dumped out
I don't think we know enough about this relationship to really pass comments. Is he Asian/American or what? Was the marriage arranged? Would it have been so hard for her just to make a separate meal for him sometimes? Do they both work full time? So many unanswered queries.
This the beginning of a very abusive relationship she needs to get out now. She offered to cook him the food he likes along with the other food and it was all or nothing with him. She offered to teach him how to cook so he could make his own food, again all or nothing. Then it turned into him throwing out all of her food. This man is monster and does not care for or respect his wife. People who love each other do not treat people this way. It will not take long for the emotional abuse to get worse or turn to violence.
WASP middle aged guy here; DUMP HIS ASS! Man-child with no life skills ain't worth it. He's a spoiled brat.
ok but...why didn't she portion some out for her for the week or whatever and then freeze the rest? Then when she doesn't feel like cooking she can re-heat that and torture him even longer? lol surely she couldn't eat all that by herself before it went bad!!
Some things don’t freeze well. Besides, the whole point here is the unreasonable husband who is trying to make her choose between him and her family by artificially creating a problem where none should exist. She should never have to make that choice, and should also never have to be put under that kind of pressure. TBH, she should start making plans to leave his ass flat.
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Yes, and in the midst of all that - let's waste even more food... increasing our carbon impact 😩
I was all set to consider him a boorish, controlling monster until I read the details that his main objection is the seafood. Which made me realize she's basically being the a*****e at work who is reheating things like fish, or shrimp curry in the shared microwave. For weeks. And those smells TRAVEL and then linger. So I'm getting why he hates it and would rather dump it all from the start. I doubt she would enjoy it if cooking was his task and he made a ton of cheese dishes whenever his family came (most Asians are lactose intolerant and find the smell of cheese disgusting) then refused to make anything else but leftover Mac and Cheese for the rest of the week.
i hate to be "that person" but unless shes afraid of leaving him, im not having any sympathy for her for putting up with his useless a*s
He’s behaving like a big baby but he has a point about food. People’s food preferences should be respected. My daughter thinks cilantro tastes like soap so I don’t cook with cilantro. She doesn’t eat onions. No problem. If I can make an onionless portion for her then that’s what I do. In this situation with the husband I would just make a side gravy for rice, steam some veggies, … easy things. Even a child can microwave a frozen corndog or throw some fish sticks in the oven. Canned soup. TV dinner. This can be handled maturely by both of the spouses. And her family doesn’t need to sit there and be judgey either.
First time I have ever said this here, but she is the a*****e. Make all the traditional food you like but as soon as you say you're not making anything else until it's gone...you would be gone from the home. She talks about waste yet it's more of a waste to do fast food for entire weeks... I do the cooking at home and I make 3 meals, one for my wife, 1 for my kids and one for me because we all eat differently. Wife works I have time so cooking is on me...iso yes this man's wife is an a*****e because her opinions only serve her...I would leave her, nit because of this but because of how she explained it...she is horrible.
I completely disagree with all these comments. She knew she was not marrying an Asian and he shouldn’t have to start liking Asian food. I’m sure that’s the only kind of food they eat at home, so when they come to her house they should know they aren’t going to get Asian food. Her family can suck it up or not come over for a meal if they don’t like the food. And not cooking again until it’s gone? I eat leftovers, but not for every meal until it’s gone. You can keep the leftovers for a couple of days and then go back to them. In the meantime cook something else. Husband should not have to eat what he doesn’t like multiple days in a row.
Definitely the AH. She realizes he doesn't like Asian food but expects him to eat it every time her family comes to visit and then eat leftovers until it is gone. Sorry, that is unreasonable. Those saying he should cook for himself should understand that the agreement in this household apparently is that she cooks as he's not good at it. In my son's household, he does lots of the cooking because he enjoys it. It isn't a "slave minded" thing or whatever nonsense being spouted. BTW, he did feed himself by getting take out. I don't like Asian food either and I'd also be pissed if my husband only cooked Asian food for dinner then expected me to eat leftovers until they were gone. She is 100% wrong here.
Did you just ignore the bit where she says she's offered to cook her husband things he DOES like to eat with her family and he rejects the offer? Or are you just wanting to blame the wife? She has asked him about cooking himself and he doesn't want to learn. He says he can't cook. He wants his wife to only cook things he likes and nothing else. This is about more than food, this is about him wanting to control his wife.
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Unless it's super hot Korean, who doesn't eat Asian food? Does he buy the food? Then he needs to do some shopping and see how much he just threw away. But seriously, it won't get better. They see your trying to work it out as weakness. Been there.
NTA! Sure, one may not like the occasional meal, but not all.. He needs to grow up, or start cooking for him AND her!
Guy is a grown man who can cook his own meals. I once cooked a huge dinner for my husband who doesn't like canned green beans. I actually love them and it was just a side dish and I also made corn on the cob, potatoes, and fried chicken. He threw it all out because he said the green beans were bad. So I told him I was never cooking again and I didn't for about 3 years, I let him do all of the cooking. I caved because I am a really good cook and I missed my own cooking. Thing is I was only hurting myself with that because my husband loves cooking and never once complained about doing all the cooking because I always cleaned up after and he would rather cook for 12 hours than clean pans for 30 minutes. Still bothers me he did that to this day and that was over 10 years ago. Straight up rude and probably the angriest he has ever made me. Throwing away someone's food is incredibly wasteful, but also just really mean spirited.
DIVORCE HIM IMMEDIATLY! Wow NTA! he was totally out of line and a huge racist! get rid of him.
In America there are sooo many nationalities that live in my city. I can tell you that older immigrants from India, Asia, Africa you name it will NOT eat Ametican food and INSIST on eating their native food forever. Yet no one calls them out for not liking American food. Food likes and dislikes are almost impossible to overcome. Everyone just needs to be more understanding and provide choices all can enjoy at a multicultural gathering where food is enjoyed.
I think she's wrong. A bit of consideration can go a long way. Maybe it isn't about power and culture, maybe he just hates the food. I mean, if I was served liver and onions every time my fam came over, and then every night till the leftovers were gone I'd rebel too. It sounds like the family visits often. And he does sit and have the meal with them and she didn't say he was rude about. Why cant she eat the leftovers and make him a quick meal he enjoys? I'll assume she loves him. Why not this small comfort for her man?
This is really about a red flag. There is something surely amiss and will be getting worse. I'm afraid the wife doesn't understand what is taking place - a serious power and control dynamic with her not having any of the 2. It's not about helping/getting him to appreciate her food nor about managing chores. He needs someone to counsel him quick before he starts being physical or start to be harshly and disruptively passive aggressive.
Again with two incompatible people getting together and shocked when s**t does not work out. Always live, pay bills, and be in a short-term vulnerable state like being sick (flu or cold) before committing to marriage. She would have learned all this and could have made a way better choice and gotten some perspective if this is what she wants to commit to living and having children with. End it now. This won't get better
If I ever acted like that husband towards food somebody cooked for me, my parents, grandparents and dead ancestors would give me a real hard smack upside the head. If someone takes the time cook for others, you'll eat what you're offered and you don't f*cking whine about it, even if you don't like it. The husband is a real brat.
I think ungrateful American husband needs to either try some of his wife's delicious home made Asian cooking, or learn how to feed his own fat white ass. Or she should divorce the c*nt
NTA. My best friends mom is from Korea, they have 2 fridges, one for food from the Asian specialty market and one from the local market. She does all the cooking and my friends dad eats what's in front of him or makes his own food. She makes both traditional Korean meals and American meals, and nothing is cooked again until the left overs are consumed to not be wasteful. It's because of her that I've expanded my palate. Tell him to grow the f up.
NTA but a few things to say: 1) your husband is right that you dont have to cook only asian food when your family arrives, they can also eat your normal everyday food if they dont have allergies 2) your husband needs to learn to eat also asian food as you are asian and it is your herritage. it is unreasonable to cook different meals at the same time just because he doesnt like it. Of course he doesnt have to like it all but certainly there is at least 1-2 asian meals he would be able to eat and even like. 3) It is possible he did it intentionally but I wouldnt be so harsh to tell you to divorce him just because of one food incident. you definitely have to talk about tt though and resolve the issue with some compromise. 4) your husband needs to learn how to cook at least a few meals. I am also a lost cause when it comes to cooking but I am doing my best. Me and my husband always cook togehter when it is possible for me and it makes me less nervous about cooking. Let him help you with cooking and gradually learn. Let him cut meat and peel potatoes at the beginning, start with simple meals. He needs to be able to take care of himself. what if you have kids and you are sick or on some business trip or whatever...teach him at least 3-5 meals
Why did she marry him? The answer is as short, as it is clear. Both A**holes
Stupid....... Asian woman here, married to non asian man and have been seeing other mix couples. The OP's husband is a d*ck... You decided to marry someone, you have to respect the other person. By throwing away all the food without telling her, her husband shows massive amount of disrespect. Big huge red flag.
Truth be told, my hubby is a better cook than I am. Working the 2nd shift in our early years, he had to try his hand at it, starve or get take-out. Jest saying that he does have options that he's too bull-headed to see. If he's unsure of steps, she can talk him thru them, so he can cook his own 'menu'.
Wow. The man is the issue, what a total k**b. Hopefully this woman realizes and trusts her value and leaves his dumb lazy butt. And Asian food is delicious, to refuse to even try it is just being petulant.
divorce asap! ack, what a complete ass he is. Racist on top of it. I don't know many americans who don't like Asian food! He was looking for a subservient asian wife he could push around. Ew.
I know Americans who have no toleration for spicy food or who don't like foreign food, but they don't insist that other people refrain from eating spicy or foreign food in their presence. Because they have grownup manners, not man-baby egocentrism.
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sounds like my ex in some ways. he was italian from a traditional italian family. when we first got married it was 'italian is the best' when it came to anything and everything. and, since i was jewish, i didn't know how to cook pork which he likes and it in some of his favorite traditional foods. however, he did learn to cook and didn't act like an asshat when i made something he didn't like. as for this guy, i would be getting papers for him to sign as this is a major red flag for the future.
I'm thinking she is Japanese or Korean because both cultures frown on throwing out food or wasting food. She went through this tremendous effort to make these foods and he can tough it out for one day and eat it. Even though I think both are at fault (him for throwing out the food and complaining nothing is for him when she offered to cook his favorite food too...her for refusing to cook until all the leftovers are gone knowing she is the only one that will eat them) he is more of the jerk because he is a grown man fully capable of cooking for himself. No one is an expert cook when they start...it takes time and practice. Him saying he will always be eating fast food is a lie because there are plenty of stores that have heat and eat or ready-for-the-oven meals he could make without any effort at all.
NTA. In my family, no adults have ever cooked a special meal for themselves or gotten fast food just because they didn't like what was on the menu. That doesn't seem like a good enough solution to me. Mealtimes need to cement unity. To me, as a sensitive person, eating something totally different seems disdainful. So I think the husband needs to learn to be less picky, most of all. If he doesn't like the vegetables and condiments, he could still eat the rice and meat, for example. If the wife was feeling really generous (which would not be likely after he did something so abusive), she could try to compromise by cooking an Asian dish that the husband could tolerate, even if it wasn't her family's number one favorite. But really! He just needs to smile and gratefully eat what's put in front of him!
Christ, he doesn't know just how lucky I think he is... I love Asian food. I have a Malaysian aunt who just makes the BEST lamb rendang..MMmmm. As far as my relationship goes though, I do pretty much all our cooking - not because my fiance is a 'can't cook, won't cook' type...... more that she's a can't cook, no really can't cook type...and I enjoy it knowing it's appreciated. The lack of appreciation in a relationship for anything and those are the niggles that eventually if left to themselves turn into resentment and dislike. This person doesn't seem like they appreciate their spouse or their culture at all and seems quite a jealous person (because of the whole why please your family once is a while instead of me all the time attitude).. which is never an attractive trait imo.
You wanna eat? Learn to cook. It’s as simple as that. It’s totally fine not wanting to eat something but husband is acting like a petulant 5yo who’s just been told he can’t have the desert until he’s finished his greens.
Oh my god... not only is he disrespectful of your culture and family, he's also an absolute immature manchild, can he not cook for himself? I'd leave his ass, then he'll have no choice but to eat fast food or f*****g cook for himself.
Divorce. He pays for it or he'll eat junk food until he man up and begin to do something about his childish lazy a**
The fact that he won't even attempt to cook for himself is a gigantic red flag. He didn't marry a chef or housekeeper and he is just as responsible for running the house, cooking etc. This is going to turn into a pattern of selfish behavior and she would do well to get out now.
He’s an arsehole. But it’s not automatically racist to hate different food from a culture you have probably had zero experience with.
Disliking food from another culture isn't racist, and rudely saying that her family ought to eat the sort of food he likes when he comes over isn't necessarily racist either. But it's bad no matter how you look at it, a person who says that is either spoiled rotten, totally self-centered, mannerless, infantile, or racist. There's no way he comes out of this looking anything but bad.
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I don't see your marriage lasting sorry. He wanted someone to take care of him like his mommy use to and I highly doubt you signed up for that.
How do people have no idea what their partners are like until they marry them? Spend time with them before hand, do every day things like cook, talk about chores, likes and dislikes. And maybe move in before you marry. Sheesh.
You have no idea how much a person can change after marriage. Whether you were together for 7 months or 7 years, their whole personality can change after they say "I do"
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I think both might be at fault because when she eats the leftovers the husband has too eat fast food. Idk though
He does not HAVE to eat fast food, his choices are not limited to wife's cooking or fast food. He can fix himself something tasty or nutritious if he wants something other than ethnic leftovers or junk food, like any functioning adult.
Load More Replies... I think there's equal blame here. He was ABSOLUTELY wrong to throw out all that food just because HE wouldn't eat it, and his petulance and inability to make himself a d*mn sandwich just shows what a big man-baby he is. She shows her disrespect more subtly by not making at least one thing he'll eat when she does these big "family" dinners (is her husband not family?) and when she says she won't cook again until all the leftovers (that she knows he doesn't like) are eaten. She's playing some power games with him, but if he's as overbearing as his food tossing suggests, it may be the only power she has.
The problem I have with this is his assumption that it's her job to cook for him. He's an adult, he can fix his own food.
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It is exactly as easy as it is for him to cook his own damned food, if she can then he can. You also might find that there is a bit more to marriage than just waiting on your husband.
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Omg you're the husband from the story, aren't you???
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He can cook his own food in the meantime. And if hers goes bad because she can't finish it in time without him, that would have been a lesson learned for her as well. BUt he chose to go the lazy route.
Load More Replies... Did someone not get the subservient slave-wife from another country that he envisioned from harmful stereotypes? Oh boo hoo. I hope she dumps his racist ass.
My brother married an Asian women because "You American women are too independent". He wouldn't listen when I tried to reason that women who didn't want to play the "traditional" role of being subservient are the ones who want to leave and come here. His wife is anything but subservient and it's been a rocky marriage.
Load More Replies... As usual these threads are never about the incident itself. This woman married a man who does not respect her culture, her family or her. I can’t imagine he just became like this after marriage. He will not change. She needs to leave and if she makes the choice not to then she better start cooking
I get what you say, however I have experience that it's not how it works. Sometimes you just don't want to notice those little hints or jokes. And yes they may be obvious for everyone except for the one.
Load More Replies... Picky eater here. There are plenty of things that my SO, kids and extended families eat that I don't. That's on me, though, and if my wife cooked stuff I don't like that sucks for me but I just make something for myself. It's called being an adult.
Yeah, it's not his baby tastes that are the problem here, it's his insistence that the wife and her family should adopt his baby tastes.
Load More Replies... My latest ex was a bit like this. He'd refuse to eat leftovers, except when it was lasagna, and he expected me to keep eating the leftovers on my own and then cook something new for him every day. BTW we were both trying to become chefs at the time, so he definitely also knew how to cook. We lived together for a bit over a year, and I think he only cooked 2-5 times during that whole time. He had also whined to some of our mutual friends that I'm not feeding him, which was a blatant lie. Twice he accused me of scamming money from him because I paid all our bills and I bought all the food, so ofc I took some of his money for all of that. So I told him to feed himself then, and both times he ran out of money and food in 1-2 weeks and then he wanted me to take care of him again. I bought him snacks and treats, and he'd eat it all in 1-2 days when they were supposed to last for a week. I was trying so hard to be good, but he didn't try at all. He needed a mommy, not a gf.
Throw the whole man away. He's a disrespectful, petulant, spoiled brat.
He's behaving like a spoiled five-year-old who throws temper tantrums whenever his mother pays attention to anything but himself.
Load More Replies... NTA. Somebody in your house cooked food and you don't like it? That's too bad. Suck it up and cook for yourself. Or order delivery. And don't throw away anything if you didn't cook it yourself. If you believe the food is spoiled - tell about it the person who cooked it and suggest throwing it away.
Or—-crazy thought—-try eating the food she cooked. You never know, you just might actually like at least some of it.
Load More Replies... He can either learn to cook, or they can learn to cook "fusion", or she can compromise. When first married, I'd already been a vegetarian since forever; Hubby was a carnivore. I made dishes we'd both eat, with meat for him, b/c i knew how to cook it, etc. As a thanks, he did all the clean-up. And 30 years later, it's still working out fine, even tho' he's now also vegetarian. I don't like tofu, but cook it for him; he hates most cheeses, but won't throw out my cheese. We call it "compromise".
That's how all true, lasting relationships should work! It's the same in my marriage & it's been going strong for over 20 years.
Load More Replies... What a f****n d**k. This dude sounds like a whiney little bitch. Since he's too prissy to get HIS hands dirty, he can eat at other places that arent fast food. What an ungrateful c**t
I love how everyone else is saying "he's so disrespectful" and "he's acting like a little kid having a temper tantrum" but you're all "ungrateful c**t". Hooray for you, thank you! :-D
Load More Replies... Was married with a Nigerian lady. She mostly cooked Nigerian food so our children grow up with it. Now I totally dispise Nigerian food, that I hate it is a mild description. Just this overcooked meat ☹️but I always ate my share because I loved my wife and that she went shopping and cooked for us. The husband in this story is an unpleasant person not worth being attached to him.
The husband isn't being petty, the husband is being utterly disrespectful, rude and lazy. You shouldn't cook what your family like to eat when they visit? What an awful man. You shouldn't be with him, he sounds horrific.
Simple solution. Actually multiple. He can learn how to cook. Or starve. Asian kitchen is full of great tastes, healthy, fresh and plenty of different dishes for EVERYONE to find what they enjoy. I almost want to say that this dude only likes hamburgers or chicken nuggets. Doesn't matter anyway, I would do a lot worse to him for throwing away good food (I know how it is to be starving...).
Can't they meet half way? He cooks, but she looks at freezing the food made for her family, so there isn't days of it?
Some foods are not suitable for freezing. Judging from his reaction to food, I wonder what he's like with other household chores.
Load More Replies... I'm Asian and my long term partner is Caucasian but he never complains with whatever my family or I cook, if he doesn't like any of the cooked meal then he just eat something else that's available without complaining. OH sorry my partner is an adult though, your husband acted like a kid. Don't let him get away with this kind of actions or else it will never change for the next many years to come. OP, you're NTA.
I love how the people in these situations always offer the, "You are MAKING me eat fast food [or whatever the problem is]", like there isn't an obvious third choice here of... make food yourself? Even if he really can't cook (which sounds more like, "I don't want to learn" to me), he can't make a sandwich and heat up some canned soup? I do kind of think that maybe the term "abuse" gets thrown around a bit too haphazardly, but a person can use abusive tactics without necessarily being abusive, and in this case, he's making the whole, "You're MAKING me hit you!" argument that offers a false dichotomy.
Another American male overgrown baby. Why can't he just make a meal for himself? Are you the maid? Is he the only one earning income and so treats you like his personal chef? As a foreign woman who married an American, i can tell you many American males still have the old fashioned 'wife barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen' attitude, where we're still just breeding cattle to serve their every need. He doesn't respect you, your family or your heritage, and likely never will. Leave and find a man who will appreciate you, and who isn't an overgrown child who can't even make himself a damn sandwich. Run and save yourself before this gets worse.
Oh girl.... The food your husband says he doesn't like is the least of his problems. Why do so many women ignore red flags?
It could be with men too... but somehow I've seen more women tolerating this kind of s***y behavior than men. The best solution is try to love herself a little more and dump him for good
Load More Replies... So we don't know WHAT she is making for her family. Could be something that while a rare delicacy in Asia might be gross here. That being said. He should be happy that he has a wife who cares so much about family and wants to cook. He can get off his ass and cook a burger if he wants. He is lazy but not racist. Not liking a type of food doesn't make you racist.
Um... your husband is broken... exchange him immediately for a new one or maybe an X-Box or something... He's fired!
She needs to throw out the whole husband! Put him on the curb with her food that he dumped out
I don't think we know enough about this relationship to really pass comments. Is he Asian/American or what? Was the marriage arranged? Would it have been so hard for her just to make a separate meal for him sometimes? Do they both work full time? So many unanswered queries.
This the beginning of a very abusive relationship she needs to get out now. She offered to cook him the food he likes along with the other food and it was all or nothing with him. She offered to teach him how to cook so he could make his own food, again all or nothing. Then it turned into him throwing out all of her food. This man is monster and does not care for or respect his wife. People who love each other do not treat people this way. It will not take long for the emotional abuse to get worse or turn to violence.
WASP middle aged guy here; DUMP HIS ASS! Man-child with no life skills ain't worth it. He's a spoiled brat.
ok but...why didn't she portion some out for her for the week or whatever and then freeze the rest? Then when she doesn't feel like cooking she can re-heat that and torture him even longer? lol surely she couldn't eat all that by herself before it went bad!!
Some things don’t freeze well. Besides, the whole point here is the unreasonable husband who is trying to make her choose between him and her family by artificially creating a problem where none should exist. She should never have to make that choice, and should also never have to be put under that kind of pressure. TBH, she should start making plans to leave his ass flat.
Load More Replies... Yes, and in the midst of all that - let's waste even more food... increasing our carbon impact 😩
I was all set to consider him a boorish, controlling monster until I read the details that his main objection is the seafood. Which made me realize she's basically being the a*****e at work who is reheating things like fish, or shrimp curry in the shared microwave. For weeks. And those smells TRAVEL and then linger. So I'm getting why he hates it and would rather dump it all from the start. I doubt she would enjoy it if cooking was his task and he made a ton of cheese dishes whenever his family came (most Asians are lactose intolerant and find the smell of cheese disgusting) then refused to make anything else but leftover Mac and Cheese for the rest of the week.
i hate to be "that person" but unless shes afraid of leaving him, im not having any sympathy for her for putting up with his useless a*s
He’s behaving like a big baby but he has a point about food. People’s food preferences should be respected. My daughter thinks cilantro tastes like soap so I don’t cook with cilantro. She doesn’t eat onions. No problem. If I can make an onionless portion for her then that’s what I do. In this situation with the husband I would just make a side gravy for rice, steam some veggies, … easy things. Even a child can microwave a frozen corndog or throw some fish sticks in the oven. Canned soup. TV dinner. This can be handled maturely by both of the spouses. And her family doesn’t need to sit there and be judgey either.
First time I have ever said this here, but she is the a*****e. Make all the traditional food you like but as soon as you say you're not making anything else until it's gone...you would be gone from the home. She talks about waste yet it's more of a waste to do fast food for entire weeks... I do the cooking at home and I make 3 meals, one for my wife, 1 for my kids and one for me because we all eat differently. Wife works I have time so cooking is on me...iso yes this man's wife is an a*****e because her opinions only serve her...I would leave her, nit because of this but because of how she explained it...she is horrible.
I completely disagree with all these comments. She knew she was not marrying an Asian and he shouldn’t have to start liking Asian food. I’m sure that’s the only kind of food they eat at home, so when they come to her house they should know they aren’t going to get Asian food. Her family can suck it up or not come over for a meal if they don’t like the food. And not cooking again until it’s gone? I eat leftovers, but not for every meal until it’s gone. You can keep the leftovers for a couple of days and then go back to them. In the meantime cook something else. Husband should not have to eat what he doesn’t like multiple days in a row.
Definitely the AH. She realizes he doesn't like Asian food but expects him to eat it every time her family comes to visit and then eat leftovers until it is gone. Sorry, that is unreasonable. Those saying he should cook for himself should understand that the agreement in this household apparently is that she cooks as he's not good at it. In my son's household, he does lots of the cooking because he enjoys it. It isn't a "slave minded" thing or whatever nonsense being spouted. BTW, he did feed himself by getting take out. I don't like Asian food either and I'd also be pissed if my husband only cooked Asian food for dinner then expected me to eat leftovers until they were gone. She is 100% wrong here.
Did you just ignore the bit where she says she's offered to cook her husband things he DOES like to eat with her family and he rejects the offer? Or are you just wanting to blame the wife? She has asked him about cooking himself and he doesn't want to learn. He says he can't cook. He wants his wife to only cook things he likes and nothing else. This is about more than food, this is about him wanting to control his wife.
Load More Replies... Unless it's super hot Korean, who doesn't eat Asian food? Does he buy the food? Then he needs to do some shopping and see how much he just threw away. But seriously, it won't get better. They see your trying to work it out as weakness. Been there.
NTA! Sure, one may not like the occasional meal, but not all.. He needs to grow up, or start cooking for him AND her!
Guy is a grown man who can cook his own meals. I once cooked a huge dinner for my husband who doesn't like canned green beans. I actually love them and it was just a side dish and I also made corn on the cob, potatoes, and fried chicken. He threw it all out because he said the green beans were bad. So I told him I was never cooking again and I didn't for about 3 years, I let him do all of the cooking. I caved because I am a really good cook and I missed my own cooking. Thing is I was only hurting myself with that because my husband loves cooking and never once complained about doing all the cooking because I always cleaned up after and he would rather cook for 12 hours than clean pans for 30 minutes. Still bothers me he did that to this day and that was over 10 years ago. Straight up rude and probably the angriest he has ever made me. Throwing away someone's food is incredibly wasteful, but also just really mean spirited.
DIVORCE HIM IMMEDIATLY! Wow NTA! he was totally out of line and a huge racist! get rid of him.
In America there are sooo many nationalities that live in my city. I can tell you that older immigrants from India, Asia, Africa you name it will NOT eat Ametican food and INSIST on eating their native food forever. Yet no one calls them out for not liking American food. Food likes and dislikes are almost impossible to overcome. Everyone just needs to be more understanding and provide choices all can enjoy at a multicultural gathering where food is enjoyed.
I think she's wrong. A bit of consideration can go a long way. Maybe it isn't about power and culture, maybe he just hates the food. I mean, if I was served liver and onions every time my fam came over, and then every night till the leftovers were gone I'd rebel too. It sounds like the family visits often. And he does sit and have the meal with them and she didn't say he was rude about. Why cant she eat the leftovers and make him a quick meal he enjoys? I'll assume she loves him. Why not this small comfort for her man?
This is really about a red flag. There is something surely amiss and will be getting worse. I'm afraid the wife doesn't understand what is taking place - a serious power and control dynamic with her not having any of the 2. It's not about helping/getting him to appreciate her food nor about managing chores. He needs someone to counsel him quick before he starts being physical or start to be harshly and disruptively passive aggressive.
Again with two incompatible people getting together and shocked when s**t does not work out. Always live, pay bills, and be in a short-term vulnerable state like being sick (flu or cold) before committing to marriage. She would have learned all this and could have made a way better choice and gotten some perspective if this is what she wants to commit to living and having children with. End it now. This won't get better
If I ever acted like that husband towards food somebody cooked for me, my parents, grandparents and dead ancestors would give me a real hard smack upside the head. If someone takes the time cook for others, you'll eat what you're offered and you don't f*cking whine about it, even if you don't like it. The husband is a real brat.
I think ungrateful American husband needs to either try some of his wife's delicious home made Asian cooking, or learn how to feed his own fat white ass. Or she should divorce the c*nt
NTA. My best friends mom is from Korea, they have 2 fridges, one for food from the Asian specialty market and one from the local market. She does all the cooking and my friends dad eats what's in front of him or makes his own food. She makes both traditional Korean meals and American meals, and nothing is cooked again until the left overs are consumed to not be wasteful. It's because of her that I've expanded my palate. Tell him to grow the f up.
NTA but a few things to say: 1) your husband is right that you dont have to cook only asian food when your family arrives, they can also eat your normal everyday food if they dont have allergies 2) your husband needs to learn to eat also asian food as you are asian and it is your herritage. it is unreasonable to cook different meals at the same time just because he doesnt like it. Of course he doesnt have to like it all but certainly there is at least 1-2 asian meals he would be able to eat and even like. 3) It is possible he did it intentionally but I wouldnt be so harsh to tell you to divorce him just because of one food incident. you definitely have to talk about tt though and resolve the issue with some compromise. 4) your husband needs to learn how to cook at least a few meals. I am also a lost cause when it comes to cooking but I am doing my best. Me and my husband always cook togehter when it is possible for me and it makes me less nervous about cooking. Let him help you with cooking and gradually learn. Let him cut meat and peel potatoes at the beginning, start with simple meals. He needs to be able to take care of himself. what if you have kids and you are sick or on some business trip or whatever...teach him at least 3-5 meals
Why did she marry him? The answer is as short, as it is clear. Both A**holes
Stupid....... Asian woman here, married to non asian man and have been seeing other mix couples. The OP's husband is a d*ck... You decided to marry someone, you have to respect the other person. By throwing away all the food without telling her, her husband shows massive amount of disrespect. Big huge red flag.
Truth be told, my hubby is a better cook than I am. Working the 2nd shift in our early years, he had to try his hand at it, starve or get take-out. Jest saying that he does have options that he's too bull-headed to see. If he's unsure of steps, she can talk him thru them, so he can cook his own 'menu'.
Wow. The man is the issue, what a total k**b. Hopefully this woman realizes and trusts her value and leaves his dumb lazy butt. And Asian food is delicious, to refuse to even try it is just being petulant.
divorce asap! ack, what a complete ass he is. Racist on top of it. I don't know many americans who don't like Asian food! He was looking for a subservient asian wife he could push around. Ew.
I know Americans who have no toleration for spicy food or who don't like foreign food, but they don't insist that other people refrain from eating spicy or foreign food in their presence. Because they have grownup manners, not man-baby egocentrism.
Load More Replies... sounds like my ex in some ways. he was italian from a traditional italian family. when we first got married it was 'italian is the best' when it came to anything and everything. and, since i was jewish, i didn't know how to cook pork which he likes and it in some of his favorite traditional foods. however, he did learn to cook and didn't act like an asshat when i made something he didn't like. as for this guy, i would be getting papers for him to sign as this is a major red flag for the future.
I'm thinking she is Japanese or Korean because both cultures frown on throwing out food or wasting food. She went through this tremendous effort to make these foods and he can tough it out for one day and eat it. Even though I think both are at fault (him for throwing out the food and complaining nothing is for him when she offered to cook his favorite food too...her for refusing to cook until all the leftovers are gone knowing she is the only one that will eat them) he is more of the jerk because he is a grown man fully capable of cooking for himself. No one is an expert cook when they start...it takes time and practice. Him saying he will always be eating fast food is a lie because there are plenty of stores that have heat and eat or ready-for-the-oven meals he could make without any effort at all.
NTA. In my family, no adults have ever cooked a special meal for themselves or gotten fast food just because they didn't like what was on the menu. That doesn't seem like a good enough solution to me. Mealtimes need to cement unity. To me, as a sensitive person, eating something totally different seems disdainful. So I think the husband needs to learn to be less picky, most of all. If he doesn't like the vegetables and condiments, he could still eat the rice and meat, for example. If the wife was feeling really generous (which would not be likely after he did something so abusive), she could try to compromise by cooking an Asian dish that the husband could tolerate, even if it wasn't her family's number one favorite. But really! He just needs to smile and gratefully eat what's put in front of him!
Christ, he doesn't know just how lucky I think he is... I love Asian food. I have a Malaysian aunt who just makes the BEST lamb rendang..MMmmm. As far as my relationship goes though, I do pretty much all our cooking - not because my fiance is a 'can't cook, won't cook' type...... more that she's a can't cook, no really can't cook type...and I enjoy it knowing it's appreciated. The lack of appreciation in a relationship for anything and those are the niggles that eventually if left to themselves turn into resentment and dislike. This person doesn't seem like they appreciate their spouse or their culture at all and seems quite a jealous person (because of the whole why please your family once is a while instead of me all the time attitude).. which is never an attractive trait imo.
You wanna eat? Learn to cook. It’s as simple as that. It’s totally fine not wanting to eat something but husband is acting like a petulant 5yo who’s just been told he can’t have the desert until he’s finished his greens.
Oh my god... not only is he disrespectful of your culture and family, he's also an absolute immature manchild, can he not cook for himself? I'd leave his ass, then he'll have no choice but to eat fast food or f*****g cook for himself.
Divorce. He pays for it or he'll eat junk food until he man up and begin to do something about his childish lazy a**
The fact that he won't even attempt to cook for himself is a gigantic red flag. He didn't marry a chef or housekeeper and he is just as responsible for running the house, cooking etc. This is going to turn into a pattern of selfish behavior and she would do well to get out now.
He’s an arsehole. But it’s not automatically racist to hate different food from a culture you have probably had zero experience with.
Disliking food from another culture isn't racist, and rudely saying that her family ought to eat the sort of food he likes when he comes over isn't necessarily racist either. But it's bad no matter how you look at it, a person who says that is either spoiled rotten, totally self-centered, mannerless, infantile, or racist. There's no way he comes out of this looking anything but bad.
Load More Replies... I don't see your marriage lasting sorry. He wanted someone to take care of him like his mommy use to and I highly doubt you signed up for that.
How do people have no idea what their partners are like until they marry them? Spend time with them before hand, do every day things like cook, talk about chores, likes and dislikes. And maybe move in before you marry. Sheesh.
You have no idea how much a person can change after marriage. Whether you were together for 7 months or 7 years, their whole personality can change after they say "I do"
Load More Replies... I think both might be at fault because when she eats the leftovers the husband has too eat fast food. Idk though
He does not HAVE to eat fast food, his choices are not limited to wife's cooking or fast food. He can fix himself something tasty or nutritious if he wants something other than ethnic leftovers or junk food, like any functioning adult.
Load More Replies... I think there's equal blame here. He was ABSOLUTELY wrong to throw out all that food just because HE wouldn't eat it, and his petulance and inability to make himself a d*mn sandwich just shows what a big man-baby he is. She shows her disrespect more subtly by not making at least one thing he'll eat when she does these big "family" dinners (is her husband not family?) and when she says she won't cook again until all the leftovers (that she knows he doesn't like) are eaten. She's playing some power games with him, but if he's as overbearing as his food tossing suggests, it may be the only power she has.
The problem I have with this is his assumption that it's her job to cook for him. He's an adult, he can fix his own food.
Load More Replies... It is exactly as easy as it is for him to cook his own damned food, if she can then he can. You also might find that there is a bit more to marriage than just waiting on your husband.
Load More Replies... Omg you're the husband from the story, aren't you???
Load More Replies... He can cook his own food in the meantime. And if hers goes bad because she can't finish it in time without him, that would have been a lesson learned for her as well. BUt he chose to go the lazy route.
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