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“My Mother Started Crying And Left The Room”: Parents Kick Out 18-Year-Old Son, Then Get Upset He Doesn’t Want To Return
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“My Mother Started Crying And Left The Room”: Parents Kick Out 18-Year-Old Son, Then Get Upset He Doesn’t Want To Return

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Moving out of your parents’ home is one of the most common signs of becoming an adult. And while it’s more of a social norm than law, most people move out because they start school in another location, or they have a job that pays well, proving them with financial stability that leads to independence. But staying with your parents is cool too, for more or less the same reasons, and there is no shame in it.

But then there are more unique situations. One such situation recently found its way onto Reddit where an 18-year-old son was specifically asked to move out once he’s old enough, but then the parents had a change of heart, but were too late, and for some reason the son’s at fault?

More Info: Reddit

Moving out is part of becoming an adult, but what do you do if your parents suddenly start asking you to move back in with them after asking you to leave?

Image credits: Fil.Al (not the actual photo)

OK, so let’s rewind. Reddit user u/Independent-Boot-789 went to the Am I The A-Hole community to get some perspective on a quite unorthodox predicament involving him moving out.

In particular, the 18-year-old’s parents always wanted to be child-free, but ended up with a son, whom they kept because of religious reasons. While they have always supported him financially, they were emotionally distant and had agreed with the son at a younger age that he was to prepare to leave them once he hit 18.

Well, one Redditor had quite a unique situation regarding moving out, which he shared with the AITA community

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Image credits: Independent-Boot-789

So, fast forward to about a week before the fateful birthday, they all sit down, have a chat, during which they make sure the son isn’t leaving the nest unprepared, and the day after his birthday, he departs.

Now, instead of moving in with friends and sharing an apartment, like he originally had planned, he was offered a much better deal in a friend’s family’s furnished basement for $150, which includes utilities. He took the latter. It is important to mention that both he and the family that offered him a place to stay are all of Indian descent.

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Image credits: Independent-Boot-789

OP had no contact with his parents for a while, until one day he was asked to come over for dinner. This was when the parents offered him the opportunity to move back in, rent-free and all. But he didn’t want to. You see, when he was living with them, he always felt this awkwardness at home, but now that he’s independent, he doesn’t feel that way, and he actually feels great.

So, he declined the offer, which immediately upset both of the parents. So much, in fact, that mom started crying and dad started scolding him, saying friends are distancing themselves from the family because there’s apparently a rumor that they had kicked their own son out and another Indian family took him in.

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Image credits: Independent-Boot-789

The only thing he had to say is that it was exactly that, it wasn’t his concern to do damage control for something the parents decided to do, and they ought to face the consequences. And now the whole family is effectively terrorizing the 18-year-old for this.

The AITA community didn’t even have to think, they immediately knew who the a-holes were in this situation and ruled OP isn’t one.

The general consensus was that OP’s family is very wrong here, wanting to create a good image of themselves rather than actually caring for their son, let alone being willing to deal with the consequences of their own actions. It should have been something they ought to have at least considered at that point.

In the end, people ruled that OP’s family are the bad guys here, showering OP with support

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Others even pointed out that moving back in won’t resolve the issue in any way, mostly because of them not caring, but also because the damage is done. All in all, the community was supportive, and OP even added an edit thanking them for it.

The post ended up going viral with over 21,100 upvotes, 60 plus Reddit awards, and nearly 1,200 comments.

You can look through the post in context here, but don’t run off just yet as we’d like to hear your ideas and opinions in the comment section below!

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mariezellmer avatar
Eiram
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad came to me and asked when I was going to move out at 18 insinuating he was tired of my finanial burden (not the first time). Long story short, I had been having trouble with combined highschool and college classes, with severe clinical depression boardering on suicidal, and had not left the house in three months. Middle child of 7 and neither parent cared what happened with me. Eldest brother helped me find jobs that paid enough for a squallor, and I moved. My divorced mother had a fit, constantly calling to shame me since "no woman should move on her own, only into her husbands house". I didnt even date at the time, and she was normally absent in my life. I didn't realize the suffocating damage they were doing to me until I was gone. I have rarely stayed in contact since, and with years I learned how horrible they really were.

carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eiram, I'm sorry you had to go through this. You must feel relieved to live somewhere else and I hope you are happy now. Hugs for you Eiram.

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yaegerl007 avatar
Linda Lee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

American here. It was no secret that I was the "oops baby". I was asked how I was planning on supporting myself since the age of 16. I was in advanced prep classes in high school and taking additional classes at the local college. I dropped some classes and got a waitress job. Saved up as much money as I could. The day after my high school graduation I packed my car and drove 5 states away. I didn't say a word to my parents. I called a week later and dear old mom yelled at me to get home and clean her house. As she was yelling at me, I said, "goodbye, mother", and hung up. The next week I called again (to say I got a job and an apartment). Mom changed her tune. She said she missed her "little helper" and wanted me home. She didn't want her daughter, she wanted her maid. I never looked back. That is an extremely common story for Gen Xers. The Boomers have a subset called The Me Generation, they put their kids last.

carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Linda, I know many "Boomers" and they have always been kind and loving to their children. I'm Gen X and have always been welcome and could stay at home as long as needed. I have unfortunately, heard many stories from the USA that at 18 yo you are meant to bugger off which is cruel imo. I have heard that that idiot Dr Phil has been saying this for years that children should leave house at 18. I'm sorry you had to experience this and hope that you are happy now.

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suemyers avatar
Suzi Q
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For 8 years, I lived in a neighborhood which was predominantly Indian families. I got to know many of them well. The thing that really stuck with me was that several generations of family lived in one house. Family was priority over everything. No wonder your parents are being shamed. But first of all they let you know you weren't wanted but "had" to keep you. They were cold then made you move out right out of school. Now THEIR actions have led to being shamed, they have to face their consequences. If you move back in, it wouldn't be long until they'd kick you out again. Then maybe you wouldn't have the option you have now. I'm so glad you're happy. Their problem is their problem.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's what's so odd about this story. It's assholish by any standards, but by the standards of Indian culture... from what I know this is just unthinkable! Especially treating a son, an only son badly, usually an only son is treated like royalty.

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donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I went through something kind of similar, when I was 18 my parents threw me out incidentally to throwing out my worthless older brother. I mean, my brother was involved in all kind of creepy s**t, including abusing me, but my parents didn't give a rat's ass about *that* and let it go on for years. So when he wouldn't leave the house or get a job, and they didn't want to frankly throw him out and be shamed by their family and friends, so they moved to another state and there I was, facing homelessness at 18. It was only *after* I'd found a job and a place to live that they said, "Oh, and you can come to the new state where you don't have a job and don't know anyone, if you really want to", because either they'd realized, or someone had told them, that maybe they were screwing me when I hadn't done anything wrong. I refused, i survived, then I prospered, and they *still* don't understand why I've barely spoken to them since.

carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Otter, I'm sorry this happened to you. Reading the stories here makes me very grateful I had loving parents. Do you want to borrow my mum?? Hugs Otter.

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jmchoto avatar
Jo Choto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So NTA. Parents don't care about him. Only what people in the community are saying. I left home for good at 16/17 and put myself through university as an emancipated minor. Best thing I ever did. I'd been taking care of myself in many different ways long before that.

safyra199421 avatar
Ausrine Ciapaite
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a very good example of why abortions should be legal, readily available and not stigmatized. Neither parent wanted a child and even the best birth control in the world never gives you a 100% protection. A pregnancy can happen. I do not know why the parents decided to go with the birth (abortion not available or an abortion goes against their beliefs?). But it's never a child's choice to come into this world. It's a consequence of parents' choices that bring a child into this world and it's parents responsibility to provide their child with love, emotional and financial support and teach him/her to their best capabilities. I'm so sorry he had to grow up the way he did. Seems karma had its way with his parents. It's very much not fair to try to make your child to fix a mess that your choices made.

chrisscritchfield avatar
Chris Scritchfield
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nice to know the AH parenting method is universal. But 18 though. That's telling your kid oh I know it's you senior year when you should be prepping for college, and this little thing called graduation so we are gonna make it harder by making you move out and get a job. But that is based on the American education system maybe India give subsidiaries to independent students or has different metrics for higher education.

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can relate. Throughout my childhood I heard my mother say things like "Don't you kids get the idea that you can come back for Sunday dinner every week after you move out. When you're out, you're out." So I didn't. Then I got the manipulative whining. "Whyyyy won't you ever come over? Don't you like us any more?"

marinamercouri avatar
Beatrice Multhaupt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 5, my mother gleefully described how wonderful her life was going to be after I would be ''obliged'' to move out. She said this was the law. After I graduated from high school with straight As, I found a college that didn't charge tuition, moved to another country and visited my parents sporadically. At age 60, I returned to my parent's hometown , completely renovated a storage building on my parents' property and lived there for 5 years. Father died and Mother sold the house along with my building. I was never compensated for any of the renovations, not even materials. Bought a small house 20 miles away, renovated, sank all my earnings into it, then received a phone call from Mother. She's been having health problems at age 89 and wants to knw ''when I'll FINALLY move in with her''.

mike_loux avatar
Mike Loux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly? $150 a month with utilities and a separate entry? 18 year old me would have killed for that. Enjoy your new found freedom, OP!

regnwyn avatar
Rei
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

FYI Emotional distance in raising children is a form of passive abuse.

justine_q avatar
Justine Queequag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Now you know why some parents end up in nursing homes and never have any visitors

aayushkumar avatar
Aayush Kumar
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Realising that this is a story of an Indian / Desi family is downright ironic!

janetch avatar
Janet C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why abortion need to be safe, accessible, and accepted. People who do not want a child should never, under any circumstances be forced to raise a child. It ruins everyone's life.

naschi avatar
Na Schi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"While they have always supported him financially, they were emotionally distant..." This statement alone proves how lost and lonely this kid felt!!! It's not enough to provide your kid with a money-safe environment when you can't show any feelings/appreciation/love!

imogenecargeaux avatar
Imogene Cargeaux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

S**t, can I move into your new house? They sound like wonderful ppl. I'm very surprised OPs family acted like that. I have quite a few Indian friends and I have always admired how close and connected their families are and how supportive to be they are of their children. (My mother was NOT like this with my brothers and I so I always admired n envied my friends who had close knit familial bonds) but I also know that image can be everything in some Indian families and culture so sometimes lying is justified by some ppl in order to save face. Which is why I admire OP and the family that let him move in for not allowing his mom n dad to rewrite the narrative n shift the fault onto a fake story... ppl need to be held accountable and the parents are ONLY asking him to move back just to save face and say "see we love our son! We never kicked him out or wanted to leave! N obviously we're great parents because he came back because he just couldn't stand being away from us!" NTA. Good for U OP

shreyasravi614 avatar
SciencePandaTheSecond
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This seems quite out of character for an Indian family. Most that I know would be happy to support their children.

kathleengraceart avatar
Lily
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Those are the consequences of their actions. That circumstances changed against them, well, they didn't think of that did they. They are only trying to save face, face they lost because of their actions. This has nothing to do with the son, everything to do with their reputation. The son now has a kind and generous family as landlord, he can have a more peaceful and contented existence. Wishing him blessings for future joy and a better life that started with moving out.

nat17yes avatar
Natalie Kudryashova
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Looks like the parents never grew up themselves. First they have a baby they don’t want because if religious pressure, then they grudgingly ask a grown child they don’t want living with them to move back in because if social pressures. You can’t have it both ways. If you decide to do “the right thing” by social/religious pressure then you need to do it properly and all the way and with grace, not like you’re doing someone a massive favour and in the most unpleasant way possible.

micheldurinx avatar
Marcellus II
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents spent 18.75years preparing for this, it goes 100% according to plan and this is how badly they foresaw the obvious consequences?! Wow. Just, wow.

t_cervenakova avatar
Terka Červeňáková
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand how can anyone care for a child for 18 years and not create a bond with them. It's in human nature to love purely based on proximity, not to mention the fact that you attach to things you put an effort into. They must have went out of their way to stay this emotionally dettatched...

kidskrueger avatar
Kids Krueger
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It really made me realize how people won't realize how much thier parents abused them in situations like this. At the beginning he said that his parent were emotionally detached but NOT abusive. Honey, that abuse at its finest: detachment. Anyone, ANYONE who has a parent(s) like that should get away as far and as fast as they can. I can't say I've ever had experiences like that, having loving and supportive parents, but I'm not stupid. That is bad.

illusion_de_kiran avatar
Fiza Khan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was so difficult and heartbreaking to read the redditor's story. The comments seem the same, I dont have the strength to read such painful stories. Parents are suppose to be the kind, loving shade under scorching sun to ease our minds after facing the cruelty of this world. How can they leave him stranded. May the creator bless each one in such lonesome situation.

praecordia avatar
Alma Muminovic
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like they didn’t want you to move back because they wanted you to actually move back, sounds like they didn’t want people talking s**t about them for kicking you out. So def NTA.

mmgies avatar
MaggieWest
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always tell my kids they can live with us as long as they want, though they may want their independence at some point. Only stipulation is that they save a good chunk of their earnings so they can buy their own place one day (or rent a nice one, live on a sailboat, whatever). Right now they plan on buying the house next door 🥰

rl_2 avatar
R L
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A very mature outlook from an 18 year old. Good for him- I hope he flourishes with his new circle of friends.

sabrinaiglesia avatar
Sabrina Iglesia
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's sad you had to be raised knowing this and feeling this. No one should ever have parents like this or go through this. I had a friend with no warning was woken up on his 18th birthday thrown a box of cigarettes and a box of black bags said Happy Birthday good luck in your life and hope you have some place to sleep tonight because it ain't here. He called me to pick him up and all his stuff and take him to his friends who put him up. He was heartbroken because all week he parents said they had a big surprise for his birthday he was going to love it. So you are not in the wrong tell the truth your parents should be ashamed of how they treated you and no kid should be asked or kicked out on their 18th Birthday it should be celebrated as a coming of age becoming an adult.

lynmoffett avatar
Lyn Moffett
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. They have embarrassed themselves and shown their true colours. DO NOT move back with them under any circumstances. They are trying to save face and show themselves as loving parents!!!! You live your life as you see fit. Be courteous to them if you happen to bump into them but do not fold under pressure. The tears were not tears because her son left home the tears are because people see them for what they are. Might have been kinder to let you be adopted at birth then you could have been loved instead of tolerated. Two selfish people who are thinking ONLY of themselves. Good on the person you moved in with in letting people know. They deserve all they get. Good luck in your life.

jl_9 avatar
J L
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents never asked me to move out or pay rent after I turned 18. But I moved out at age 23 when I had a decent job coz my mom's nagging was driving me crazy. Lol. I bought dinner the day before my move out day, and told them we're celebrating coz it's gonna be my "Independence Day" lol

t_cervenakova avatar
Terka Červeňáková
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents suported me through college And left me live at home, rent free, for a year after graduation (i graduated at age 22). It helped me save enough money to move out into decent apartment when i was 23...

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sapnasarfarejournalist avatar
Sapna Sarfare
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pretty interesting... You find such idiots a lot in Asian communities... social standing is a huge thing.. All i can say is you escaped. Stay that way.. Grow well and do not look back. Keep a minimal connection. But beware of the emotional drama. Indians and other Asian communities have this thing of emotional manipulation.

dimitrova_lilia_666 avatar
Lil
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand why parents of unwanted children feel the need to tell them they're "mistake". That's so cruel and damaging for life.

elizabethheerdt avatar
Elizabeth Heerdt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Haha you're NTA. My parents kicked me out as soon as I finished high school. I moved in with my aunt and uncle, and paid them rent, until I went to college. I worked two jobs to support myself and save up a little for college, and I met my husband there. Now that I'm a mom, I cannot imagine doing what my parents did, and while I do understand their actions were about THEM and not me, it still hurt for quite a while. My sisters were never asked to leave, and my brothers (almost 21 and 26) still live at home, rent free. While I'm glad they didn't have to go through what I did, it still feels a little hypocritical. My parents put so much pressure on me from such a young age, and I remember my mother saying since I was little, that she couldn't wait until we moved out. Well - now all 3 of her daughters have moved out, and all of them are 3-10hrs drive away.

ashleykat16 avatar
Ashley Robbins
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe a week after I graduated high school (I graduated a semester early), my dad suggested that we start packing some of my stuff up for when I move out. Weird since I didn’t even mention moving out, I had just started dating my now husband at the time so why would I be moving out? Well after seeing my room dwindle away, I called my dad’s sister seeing if she knew anything, she hung up with me called my dad and played dumb and found out that my stepmother was basically kicking me out. She and I got along until she and my dad married and she became this whole other person. So after a while she stopped talking to me all together but suddenly I’m being kicked out. She suddenly has a say in my life. My dad was so embarrassed because he was and still is a doormat to her. He was a doormat to my mom and a doormat to my stepmom. So my grandma took me in when all of this started going down, and eventually said husband of mine and I moved in together.

sinkvenice_1 avatar
Sinkvenice
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate children but It really aggravates me when parents pull out the financial card. Hey pops, you *chose* to have a kid and raise it, which costs a hell of a lot of money. If you don't want children, take the necessary precautions, like condoms. Sheesh, it's not hard! Well, it must've been at some point. (Double pun... K.O!) Sorry, I'll leave now. :-D

thalia13lovering avatar
Thalia Lovering
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. Just wow. I am lost for decent words to describe those parents.

betakrankusov avatar
snipergun
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're doing good. Sorry for the feelings, that's one of many reasons why if people don't feel like having children they just shouldn't. But you have new life, it feels great, it would be nothing bad to suggest to your parents to start over, not as parents but as friends who want to get to know each other better. It's worth a try, they will never stop being your parents and other way around. For the rest, keep doing great things in your life, you're amazing!

momincombatboots03 avatar
Madre_Dr4gnZFly
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

jori_kennedy avatar
Jori Kennedy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They are the worst parents to do such a thing, you poor baby. I have one son and would want him to stay with me forever. Shame on them!!! I'm sorry that you even know they only kept you due to religious reasons. The fact that they shared this with you is not being Christian, not showing love. They are AH for even sharing that with you. They definitely do not deserve you or anything that you may do in your future. I would not even inform them of grandchildren, you getting married or any other life milestones you have. They are disgusting to say the least, this makes me so angry😠 They were blessed with a child and took that blessing for granted, whereas many families so desperately want children and are unable to have them. I'm sorry this happened to you and prayers that you continue to be responsible, strong and carry on, have people that truly appreciate and are blessed by your beautiful God given presence. I wouldn't go back either, they don't deserve you.

dande060912 avatar
April Stephens
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

NTA. From what's written here, the parents are the A's, but if I could read their side of the story, there is a chance I could rule that nobody's at fault here. (For example, did a drunk uncle once speculate that OP had been unwanted and OP ran with that, or did OP's parents constantly lord it over him that they agreed to bear the heavy burden of his existence, or how did that all go down?) No matter the details, he can live wherever he wants. I really hope their relationship can improve and maybe they can make up for lost time going forward.

mariezellmer avatar
Eiram
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad came to me and asked when I was going to move out at 18 insinuating he was tired of my finanial burden (not the first time). Long story short, I had been having trouble with combined highschool and college classes, with severe clinical depression boardering on suicidal, and had not left the house in three months. Middle child of 7 and neither parent cared what happened with me. Eldest brother helped me find jobs that paid enough for a squallor, and I moved. My divorced mother had a fit, constantly calling to shame me since "no woman should move on her own, only into her husbands house". I didnt even date at the time, and she was normally absent in my life. I didn't realize the suffocating damage they were doing to me until I was gone. I have rarely stayed in contact since, and with years I learned how horrible they really were.

carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eiram, I'm sorry you had to go through this. You must feel relieved to live somewhere else and I hope you are happy now. Hugs for you Eiram.

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yaegerl007 avatar
Linda Lee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

American here. It was no secret that I was the "oops baby". I was asked how I was planning on supporting myself since the age of 16. I was in advanced prep classes in high school and taking additional classes at the local college. I dropped some classes and got a waitress job. Saved up as much money as I could. The day after my high school graduation I packed my car and drove 5 states away. I didn't say a word to my parents. I called a week later and dear old mom yelled at me to get home and clean her house. As she was yelling at me, I said, "goodbye, mother", and hung up. The next week I called again (to say I got a job and an apartment). Mom changed her tune. She said she missed her "little helper" and wanted me home. She didn't want her daughter, she wanted her maid. I never looked back. That is an extremely common story for Gen Xers. The Boomers have a subset called The Me Generation, they put their kids last.

carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Linda, I know many "Boomers" and they have always been kind and loving to their children. I'm Gen X and have always been welcome and could stay at home as long as needed. I have unfortunately, heard many stories from the USA that at 18 yo you are meant to bugger off which is cruel imo. I have heard that that idiot Dr Phil has been saying this for years that children should leave house at 18. I'm sorry you had to experience this and hope that you are happy now.

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suemyers avatar
Suzi Q
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For 8 years, I lived in a neighborhood which was predominantly Indian families. I got to know many of them well. The thing that really stuck with me was that several generations of family lived in one house. Family was priority over everything. No wonder your parents are being shamed. But first of all they let you know you weren't wanted but "had" to keep you. They were cold then made you move out right out of school. Now THEIR actions have led to being shamed, they have to face their consequences. If you move back in, it wouldn't be long until they'd kick you out again. Then maybe you wouldn't have the option you have now. I'm so glad you're happy. Their problem is their problem.

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Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's what's so odd about this story. It's assholish by any standards, but by the standards of Indian culture... from what I know this is just unthinkable! Especially treating a son, an only son badly, usually an only son is treated like royalty.

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Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I went through something kind of similar, when I was 18 my parents threw me out incidentally to throwing out my worthless older brother. I mean, my brother was involved in all kind of creepy s**t, including abusing me, but my parents didn't give a rat's ass about *that* and let it go on for years. So when he wouldn't leave the house or get a job, and they didn't want to frankly throw him out and be shamed by their family and friends, so they moved to another state and there I was, facing homelessness at 18. It was only *after* I'd found a job and a place to live that they said, "Oh, and you can come to the new state where you don't have a job and don't know anyone, if you really want to", because either they'd realized, or someone had told them, that maybe they were screwing me when I hadn't done anything wrong. I refused, i survived, then I prospered, and they *still* don't understand why I've barely spoken to them since.

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Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Otter, I'm sorry this happened to you. Reading the stories here makes me very grateful I had loving parents. Do you want to borrow my mum?? Hugs Otter.

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Jo Choto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So NTA. Parents don't care about him. Only what people in the community are saying. I left home for good at 16/17 and put myself through university as an emancipated minor. Best thing I ever did. I'd been taking care of myself in many different ways long before that.

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Ausrine Ciapaite
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a very good example of why abortions should be legal, readily available and not stigmatized. Neither parent wanted a child and even the best birth control in the world never gives you a 100% protection. A pregnancy can happen. I do not know why the parents decided to go with the birth (abortion not available or an abortion goes against their beliefs?). But it's never a child's choice to come into this world. It's a consequence of parents' choices that bring a child into this world and it's parents responsibility to provide their child with love, emotional and financial support and teach him/her to their best capabilities. I'm so sorry he had to grow up the way he did. Seems karma had its way with his parents. It's very much not fair to try to make your child to fix a mess that your choices made.

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Chris Scritchfield
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nice to know the AH parenting method is universal. But 18 though. That's telling your kid oh I know it's you senior year when you should be prepping for college, and this little thing called graduation so we are gonna make it harder by making you move out and get a job. But that is based on the American education system maybe India give subsidiaries to independent students or has different metrics for higher education.

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Seabeast
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can relate. Throughout my childhood I heard my mother say things like "Don't you kids get the idea that you can come back for Sunday dinner every week after you move out. When you're out, you're out." So I didn't. Then I got the manipulative whining. "Whyyyy won't you ever come over? Don't you like us any more?"

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Beatrice Multhaupt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 5, my mother gleefully described how wonderful her life was going to be after I would be ''obliged'' to move out. She said this was the law. After I graduated from high school with straight As, I found a college that didn't charge tuition, moved to another country and visited my parents sporadically. At age 60, I returned to my parent's hometown , completely renovated a storage building on my parents' property and lived there for 5 years. Father died and Mother sold the house along with my building. I was never compensated for any of the renovations, not even materials. Bought a small house 20 miles away, renovated, sank all my earnings into it, then received a phone call from Mother. She's been having health problems at age 89 and wants to knw ''when I'll FINALLY move in with her''.

mike_loux avatar
Mike Loux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly? $150 a month with utilities and a separate entry? 18 year old me would have killed for that. Enjoy your new found freedom, OP!

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Rei
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

FYI Emotional distance in raising children is a form of passive abuse.

justine_q avatar
Justine Queequag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Now you know why some parents end up in nursing homes and never have any visitors

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Aayush Kumar
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Realising that this is a story of an Indian / Desi family is downright ironic!

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Janet C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why abortion need to be safe, accessible, and accepted. People who do not want a child should never, under any circumstances be forced to raise a child. It ruins everyone's life.

naschi avatar
Na Schi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"While they have always supported him financially, they were emotionally distant..." This statement alone proves how lost and lonely this kid felt!!! It's not enough to provide your kid with a money-safe environment when you can't show any feelings/appreciation/love!

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Imogene Cargeaux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

S**t, can I move into your new house? They sound like wonderful ppl. I'm very surprised OPs family acted like that. I have quite a few Indian friends and I have always admired how close and connected their families are and how supportive to be they are of their children. (My mother was NOT like this with my brothers and I so I always admired n envied my friends who had close knit familial bonds) but I also know that image can be everything in some Indian families and culture so sometimes lying is justified by some ppl in order to save face. Which is why I admire OP and the family that let him move in for not allowing his mom n dad to rewrite the narrative n shift the fault onto a fake story... ppl need to be held accountable and the parents are ONLY asking him to move back just to save face and say "see we love our son! We never kicked him out or wanted to leave! N obviously we're great parents because he came back because he just couldn't stand being away from us!" NTA. Good for U OP

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SciencePandaTheSecond
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This seems quite out of character for an Indian family. Most that I know would be happy to support their children.

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Lily
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Those are the consequences of their actions. That circumstances changed against them, well, they didn't think of that did they. They are only trying to save face, face they lost because of their actions. This has nothing to do with the son, everything to do with their reputation. The son now has a kind and generous family as landlord, he can have a more peaceful and contented existence. Wishing him blessings for future joy and a better life that started with moving out.

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Natalie Kudryashova
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Looks like the parents never grew up themselves. First they have a baby they don’t want because if religious pressure, then they grudgingly ask a grown child they don’t want living with them to move back in because if social pressures. You can’t have it both ways. If you decide to do “the right thing” by social/religious pressure then you need to do it properly and all the way and with grace, not like you’re doing someone a massive favour and in the most unpleasant way possible.

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Marcellus II
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents spent 18.75years preparing for this, it goes 100% according to plan and this is how badly they foresaw the obvious consequences?! Wow. Just, wow.

t_cervenakova avatar
Terka Červeňáková
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand how can anyone care for a child for 18 years and not create a bond with them. It's in human nature to love purely based on proximity, not to mention the fact that you attach to things you put an effort into. They must have went out of their way to stay this emotionally dettatched...

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Kids Krueger
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It really made me realize how people won't realize how much thier parents abused them in situations like this. At the beginning he said that his parent were emotionally detached but NOT abusive. Honey, that abuse at its finest: detachment. Anyone, ANYONE who has a parent(s) like that should get away as far and as fast as they can. I can't say I've ever had experiences like that, having loving and supportive parents, but I'm not stupid. That is bad.

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Fiza Khan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was so difficult and heartbreaking to read the redditor's story. The comments seem the same, I dont have the strength to read such painful stories. Parents are suppose to be the kind, loving shade under scorching sun to ease our minds after facing the cruelty of this world. How can they leave him stranded. May the creator bless each one in such lonesome situation.

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Alma Muminovic
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like they didn’t want you to move back because they wanted you to actually move back, sounds like they didn’t want people talking s**t about them for kicking you out. So def NTA.

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MaggieWest
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always tell my kids they can live with us as long as they want, though they may want their independence at some point. Only stipulation is that they save a good chunk of their earnings so they can buy their own place one day (or rent a nice one, live on a sailboat, whatever). Right now they plan on buying the house next door 🥰

rl_2 avatar
R L
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A very mature outlook from an 18 year old. Good for him- I hope he flourishes with his new circle of friends.

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Sabrina Iglesia
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's sad you had to be raised knowing this and feeling this. No one should ever have parents like this or go through this. I had a friend with no warning was woken up on his 18th birthday thrown a box of cigarettes and a box of black bags said Happy Birthday good luck in your life and hope you have some place to sleep tonight because it ain't here. He called me to pick him up and all his stuff and take him to his friends who put him up. He was heartbroken because all week he parents said they had a big surprise for his birthday he was going to love it. So you are not in the wrong tell the truth your parents should be ashamed of how they treated you and no kid should be asked or kicked out on their 18th Birthday it should be celebrated as a coming of age becoming an adult.

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Lyn Moffett
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. They have embarrassed themselves and shown their true colours. DO NOT move back with them under any circumstances. They are trying to save face and show themselves as loving parents!!!! You live your life as you see fit. Be courteous to them if you happen to bump into them but do not fold under pressure. The tears were not tears because her son left home the tears are because people see them for what they are. Might have been kinder to let you be adopted at birth then you could have been loved instead of tolerated. Two selfish people who are thinking ONLY of themselves. Good on the person you moved in with in letting people know. They deserve all they get. Good luck in your life.

jl_9 avatar
J L
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents never asked me to move out or pay rent after I turned 18. But I moved out at age 23 when I had a decent job coz my mom's nagging was driving me crazy. Lol. I bought dinner the day before my move out day, and told them we're celebrating coz it's gonna be my "Independence Day" lol

t_cervenakova avatar
Terka Červeňáková
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents suported me through college And left me live at home, rent free, for a year after graduation (i graduated at age 22). It helped me save enough money to move out into decent apartment when i was 23...

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Sapna Sarfare
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pretty interesting... You find such idiots a lot in Asian communities... social standing is a huge thing.. All i can say is you escaped. Stay that way.. Grow well and do not look back. Keep a minimal connection. But beware of the emotional drama. Indians and other Asian communities have this thing of emotional manipulation.

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Lil
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand why parents of unwanted children feel the need to tell them they're "mistake". That's so cruel and damaging for life.

elizabethheerdt avatar
Elizabeth Heerdt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Haha you're NTA. My parents kicked me out as soon as I finished high school. I moved in with my aunt and uncle, and paid them rent, until I went to college. I worked two jobs to support myself and save up a little for college, and I met my husband there. Now that I'm a mom, I cannot imagine doing what my parents did, and while I do understand their actions were about THEM and not me, it still hurt for quite a while. My sisters were never asked to leave, and my brothers (almost 21 and 26) still live at home, rent free. While I'm glad they didn't have to go through what I did, it still feels a little hypocritical. My parents put so much pressure on me from such a young age, and I remember my mother saying since I was little, that she couldn't wait until we moved out. Well - now all 3 of her daughters have moved out, and all of them are 3-10hrs drive away.

ashleykat16 avatar
Ashley Robbins
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe a week after I graduated high school (I graduated a semester early), my dad suggested that we start packing some of my stuff up for when I move out. Weird since I didn’t even mention moving out, I had just started dating my now husband at the time so why would I be moving out? Well after seeing my room dwindle away, I called my dad’s sister seeing if she knew anything, she hung up with me called my dad and played dumb and found out that my stepmother was basically kicking me out. She and I got along until she and my dad married and she became this whole other person. So after a while she stopped talking to me all together but suddenly I’m being kicked out. She suddenly has a say in my life. My dad was so embarrassed because he was and still is a doormat to her. He was a doormat to my mom and a doormat to my stepmom. So my grandma took me in when all of this started going down, and eventually said husband of mine and I moved in together.

sinkvenice_1 avatar
Sinkvenice
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate children but It really aggravates me when parents pull out the financial card. Hey pops, you *chose* to have a kid and raise it, which costs a hell of a lot of money. If you don't want children, take the necessary precautions, like condoms. Sheesh, it's not hard! Well, it must've been at some point. (Double pun... K.O!) Sorry, I'll leave now. :-D

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Thalia Lovering
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. Just wow. I am lost for decent words to describe those parents.

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snipergun
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're doing good. Sorry for the feelings, that's one of many reasons why if people don't feel like having children they just shouldn't. But you have new life, it feels great, it would be nothing bad to suggest to your parents to start over, not as parents but as friends who want to get to know each other better. It's worth a try, they will never stop being your parents and other way around. For the rest, keep doing great things in your life, you're amazing!

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Madre_Dr4gnZFly
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

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Jori Kennedy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They are the worst parents to do such a thing, you poor baby. I have one son and would want him to stay with me forever. Shame on them!!! I'm sorry that you even know they only kept you due to religious reasons. The fact that they shared this with you is not being Christian, not showing love. They are AH for even sharing that with you. They definitely do not deserve you or anything that you may do in your future. I would not even inform them of grandchildren, you getting married or any other life milestones you have. They are disgusting to say the least, this makes me so angry😠 They were blessed with a child and took that blessing for granted, whereas many families so desperately want children and are unable to have them. I'm sorry this happened to you and prayers that you continue to be responsible, strong and carry on, have people that truly appreciate and are blessed by your beautiful God given presence. I wouldn't go back either, they don't deserve you.

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April Stephens
Community Member
2 years ago

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NTA. From what's written here, the parents are the A's, but if I could read their side of the story, there is a chance I could rule that nobody's at fault here. (For example, did a drunk uncle once speculate that OP had been unwanted and OP ran with that, or did OP's parents constantly lord it over him that they agreed to bear the heavy burden of his existence, or how did that all go down?) No matter the details, he can live wherever he wants. I really hope their relationship can improve and maybe they can make up for lost time going forward.

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