Teenager Asks “AITA For Locking My Door At Night” To Avoid Being Woken Up At 4:30 AM By Their Mom
Getting enough sleep is important for our health, energy levels and mood, but it’s not that easy to do that. Late-night scrolling and binging our favorite TV shows at night takes away from us that time that we could have spent sleeping, but every morning when we regret it, we do the same the next night. Weirdly enough, we appreciate sleep, but we rarely award ourselves by getting enough of it.
It’s one thing when it is our own choice to deprive ourselves of sleep, but it’s another when someone else thinks you should get up earlier. A teen is woken up by their mom at 4:30 AM every morning even though they live near the school, so it’s not necessary to be awake at that hour. However, the mom thinks that she is helping her child to enter the adult world.
More info: Reddit
This high school student thought that waking up at 6 AM was a reasonable time to make it in time to school, but their mom wakes them up at 4:30 every morning
Image credits: woodleywonderworks (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) or dezzmuchado on Reddit is 18 years old and they still go to high school. For them, school starts at 7:15, which is a blasphemy in itself, but if we assume that they live in the US where lessons usually start between 7 AM and 8 AM, this time is relatively normal.
If we would compare to schools in the UK where most of them start between 8:20 AM and 9:00 AM, the OP has to get there quite early. Lucky for them, they live just 5 minutes away from school, so they don’t have to wake up that early as they don’t have a lengthy commute.
The OP can wake up at 6 in the morning and have enough time to get ready and leave the house at 7:05 to be in time for the first lesson. Or at least it would work out perfectly, if they had the chance to do that.
The OP lives close to their school and lessons start at 7:15 so waking up earlier than 6 is unnecessary
Image credits: dezzmuchado
Apparently, their mom thinks that 6 AM is too late and every morning comes into her child’s room to wake them up at 4:30 AM. She has a few methods like tapping the teen, flickering the lights in the room and letting in their puppy to wake them up.
It makes the OP quite miserable and that leads them to cry because waking up at 6 is already torture, so 4:30 is even more unbearable. They tried to reason with their mom and explained that there is no need for them to wake up at such a time because as mentioned before, the school is not that far.
In a reply to a person’s comment, dezzmuchado said that they live with their mom and see their dad whenever they can, but they don’t want to complain to him about being woken up early because the two parents don’t get along well: “Complaining to one about the other causes so much drama and the drama is never about what I was complaining about, they just use it as an excuse to argue with each other.”
Image credits: dezzmuchado
But their mom thinks that she is helping her child to be an early bird and is preparing them for being an adult
Image credits: dezzmuchado
The OP was fed up with not getting enough sleep so they locked their door at night
Image credits: dezzmuchado
But the reason the mom wakes up her child so early is because she wants to make them an early bird, which is what all adults are. According to Edison Research’s study, commissioned by the Country Radio Seminar, most Americans wake up between 6 and 6:30am (23 percent) and only 8 percent of people are awake before 5 AM, so people do get up early as they probably have to go to work, but it’s safe to assume that they get up as late as they can to make it in time.
The convincing was unsuccessful so the mom still forced the OP to wake up earlier than needed. In order to sleep an extra hour and a half, the teenager decided to lock their door. They finally managed to sleep until 6 and felt better than ever, unlike their mom who was angry and felt that it was disrespectful to “cut off communication with someone for that long.”
The mom was so mad that she threatened to take the door away, which could be considered a violation of privacy because even though the OP is still in high school, they are legally an adult.
But the teen still thinks that they could have been the one in the wrong here as they explained, “May have been TA because now she’s pissed and said locking doors is rude.”
The mom was really angry and the OP thinks they might have gone too far
Image credits: dezzmuchado
However, other redditors didn’t agree with that. They passionately talked about how important it is for a young person to have enough sleep, how damaging it is to be sleep deprived and that being a night owl or an early bird isn’t that easy to change. They believed that the mom is unreasonable and rude, especially knowing that there is no need to be up that early. Some even mentioned getting revenge on their mother, but in an update dezzmuchado said they can’t do that because then they would definitely get their door removed.
What do you think of this story? Do you think it’s healthier to wake up earlier and that the mom is setting her kid up for success? Or do you think that she should trust that her child will be fine regardless of what chronotype they have? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
But people in the comments thought the mom was too controlling and considered her behavior to abusive
This mom is a psycho. The teen is being perfectly responsible getting up at 6 to make sure they have time to get ready for school and make it there. No one should be up at 4:30 AM unless it's for something like work or a flight.
I agree. This is abuse plain & simple. My mother used to do s**t like that all the time.
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Normal parents don't even threaten to remove a bedroom door. That is a serious breach of privacy, not to be taken lightly.
This is when you start walking around naked. No door no clothes. I feel as though that's a fair exchange.
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What on earth is the point of schools starting at such an ungodly hour? My kids would be zombies - they're bad enough getting up at 8am to get to school for 9. I usually don't get to sleep until 3/4am - I am never getting up at 4.30am unless there's a flight to catch
Scotland. That explains it. US schools are ungodly early mostly because our work schedules also are and we need to get them to school before work
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Let me tell you about my life growing up. I was raised by my extremely abusive grandmother and even if I did nothing wrong she loved to talk to me like I was dirt or beat me. She also would force me to stay up for days on end. If I nodded off I got beaten awake. By 13 I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia. Sleep deprivation is considered torture and it's one of the only sleep disorders that they can't do much for than prescribe medication. I'm 51 and regardless if I have been up days or even weeks at a time I can't go to sleep without really strong meds. Also because of this I am such a light sleeper. I can sense if someone enters my bedroom and I'm wide awake and can't go back to sleep. Your mother is a horrible person and I would love to see how she felt if she was forced to wake up an hour and a half earlier than she needed to or if she was forced to stay awake for an hour and a half later than she is ready to sleep. Messing with someone's sleep patterns can have lifelong effects.
My mother used to wake me early just because. I inscribed a Bible verse and hung it on my door: "Whosoever wakes his neighbor with a loud voice in the early morning, a curse will be laid to his charge." She quit doing it.
Obviously, the mother does, but to what end? Maybe she wakes up, can't get back to sleep, and decides that misery loves company. She sounds sadistic.
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I have a better idea. Wake up at 4h30 as she wants, but you can tur her life a living hell until 6 😄 You should consider learning a new instrument, for example. A big one. Like drums 🤭
NTA. Why is she so obsessed about this? At your age it's normal to need more sleep. It's not until mid-20's that my sleep regulated itself. I woke up at 5:30 for over 20 years because my job required it (I started work between 7-7:30 depending on appt and meetings. I couldn't do that at 18. Mom's a psycho.
I was in the service, and during boot camp, we were woken every day at 0430. It was hell, as it was supposed to be. It also served to get us used to waking up at odd hours. Once I was at my unit, we stood 4 hr watches, waking up at 0330 to stand a 0400-0800 watch. So yeah, getting used to odd hours can help, but if it is not necessary, then it's just torture. If your job schedule requires it, you will get used to getting up when you have to, but there is no reason to do it now. NTA
Load More Replies... They could talk to a school counselor and ask them to talk to the mom. Mom sounds almost manic about this. Teens need a great deal of sleep. She's depriving the OP of it.
A control freak, as some people call them, goes ballistic over ANYTHING not under their control, including missed appts, AND anything that COULD be an out-of-order issue. They create their own havoc. This mom is a slave to rage and takes it out on her daughter, disregarding completely the girl's fear, exhaustion, and deteriorating mental, physical and emotional health. Factor in her useless dad, and see clearly she won't get better unless she assertively seeks help from a party responsible for adult/teen welfare who can start protecting her from abusive family members. This includes her dad. It's nice she appoints herself the self-sacrificing whipping post taking care of him, but he's a big boy and needs to get involved with his role and duties as a grown up with a child in an abuse environment. My gut feeling is she's tried to get him involved to help her, and he is just a selfish person without CONSCIENCE towards using his daughter's abandonment fears as his excuse to not get messy
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Dude that's what I'm saying, almost every comment I make highlighting how cruel everyone's being to this kids mom it gets taken down. I thought it was part of growing up- when you decide you're done with your parents rules, find your own place and make your own rules. Don't humiliate your mom to hundreds of thousands of strangers.
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4:30 is the middle of the night. The woman is off her rocker.
Mom is nuts. She has a screw loose someplace. Tell her you want to see a therapist to get help for some personal issues that you can't share with her. Then the therapist can talk to mom, and make her see that SHE is the problem. No normal American gets up that early just for the fun of it...usually only because they HAVE to! Teens just don't go to bed before 10!! It's like they come alive after 7 PM, and don't want to miss out on "life".. And waking up before 6 is just torture. I am 70, and I am STILL a night owl. Getting up early just doesn't work. My body is a total mess for the WHOLE day if I'm up too early. I just cannot function correctly. I make all appointments for the afternoons, I always had a job that didn't start before 8 or 9 AM. (Except as a mom, up at 7 to get my boys off to catch the bus.) Mom needs to understand the circadian rythmn is a REAL thing...not just an idea. She is basically setting her daughter up for failure. And causing her to have a frustrating future.
Quicker with less expense would be to call the pediatrician. (Not that there's any guarantee she'll listen to anyone.)
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This may sound weird because your mother is way too young for stuff like Alzheimer,s but one of the first warning signs is extreme anxiety over the possibility of missing an appointment, being late for work, etc. My father used to stand outside for an hour in below-freezing temperatures waiting for his adapted transport ride for a doctor's appointment. Try contacting a social worker, who will be familiar with this issue.
Nah the mom explains why and it's not anxiety, it's "trying to make you an early bird" - it's about control and manipulation nothing else. Surgery patterning for many many reasons including how teenagers biologically work.
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Ya know, if she takes away your door…well… April fools day is coming up and why don’t we see how she likes it 😏😝
Adults get up at 4:30? Uh, sure. No, adults get up at whatever time is appropriate for them and their schedule. You may find yourself one day needing to do so but if you don't, sleep while you can! It's more important to get actual sleep, it helps you be more productive in the long run. And to say "cut off communication for that long?" That's messed up. You get to sleep!
Exactly! This sounds more like it's about the mother's needs than the daughter's, with that whole "disrespectful for cutting off communication for too long" when she finally locked her door.
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My daughter would have killed me if I tried this crap on her. Her senior year she hardly went to 1st period, her reasoning that was her last year as a kid and she was going to enjoy it bc she knew being adult came with less freedom. Now she had a full time job & is in school. She's even in management already at 24 years old.
GOOD JOB, MOM. Your respect and love for your daughter, and your humble pride for your part in her successes sounds so rewarding for you both. CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU BOTH!!
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I don't do mornings. Earliest I like to wake up is 11am. Luckily I am medically retired but I live in a building full of older people who think it's perfectly normal to get up at 5am and go to sleep at 7pm. I don't mind too much except when they have very loud conversations right outside my bedroom window. I did my fair share of early mornings working 12-hour shifts and night shifts; I am more of a night owl anyway and always have been. I usually go to bed about 2 a.m..
Sleep deprivation is a literal torture method, what the f**k is wrong with her??
NTA. Can't say the same for mom. The true issue is mom needs intense therapy who can work through her obvious RAGE she seemingly still holds for the father for escaping her torment, as is now, tragically, the daughter's cross to bear. Where's dad in all this?? He has responsibilities to his child and those include her health, welfare and environment. Maybe dad can become, with therapy, more responsible a parent and quit making his child parent HIM by protecting him from problems--and get some serious counseling about WHY DAUGHTER is "parenting" him, PROTECTING HIM FROM mom's24/7 sheer WRATH AND RAGE!! SO MUCH this OP has to be uncertain of...is her future dream college and will mom help? How will she survive if kicked to the street for standing up for herself against the controller? She has alot to worry about if she pokes at the tiger. I can guarantee ONE THING...if this girl falls asleep in class, and teacher is told why, Child Services will take over. Both parents will be in it
Yeah- my suggestion would be to start asking your mother to have your dinner ready by 4pm each day- as you need to be in bed by 7-8pm in order to get your required 8 hours of sleep- then yes- wake her up at 2am too lol- after all - you're the really bird now- and u just want to rain HER to be an early riser trike YOU!- see how she likes it!- but then I'm an adult and in control of my own life, so this is probably just my passive aggressive fantasy and wouldn't actually work! Lol
My high school kiddo has to be to school for 7:30am, I won't even bother her until 6:30am- because she asked me to. If your kids gets up and to school on time what the heck is the problem?! It's not like you're gonna follow them to college where I guarantee you they're gonna sleep until 10 minutes before class starts.
tell the school. They need to know you have this stressor in your life. May even help you navigate it.
Most teens are night owls, waking them up at 6 or even 4:30 absolutely wrecks their system. Imagine being jet lagged all the time, that's how it feels.
And they require 8-10 hours of sleep! This person would have to go to bed between 630-830pm to get enough sleep...which is ridiculous.
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This is abuse. Tell your dad, get him involved, maybe see if you can stay with him instead while you finish your last year of high school? Be malicious back, wake her up every hour on the hour while she's sleeping. Blast airhorns, turn your music up super loud, steal every one of her left shoes, when she puts laundry in the dryer, take it out and soak it and put it back in the dryer without turning the dryer on, do whatever you can to gaslight this bitc* back into thinking she's a nutcase. Tit for tat. Don't let anyone screw with your wellbeing, including your relatives. After high school i'd go to college in another state to get away from her, come to NM, it's cheap for college here compared to other States. Best of luck to you!
This mother is a narcissist. I know because my mother is one. For one, they thrive on making you do things the hard way. The post mentioned the mother says she is preparing them for adulthood. My mother made me cook and clean the house, shop for meals and everything else at 16 because she says she was preparing me to be a wife, as it that is all women are capable of. The fact that the mother got extremely and felt disrespected because you set a boundary is another indicator, narcissist can't stand boundaries and rarely respect them. My mother never knocked once while I was in my room and threatened to take my door plenty even though I never did anything worthy of that mistrust. Another thing is the mother saying every adult wakes up this early, narcissists believe everyone thinks the same way they do, so if she wakes up that early the whole world does and if her kids don't something is wrong with them. Educating themselves on Narcissism will help alot going forward.
Agreed! This mother is very suspect to me. Especially with the emotional manipulative line about it being "disrespectful to not communicate for so long"once they set the boundary by locking the door. WTF?!! You can't let them have that hour and a half more UNDISTURBED? Sounds like some MALIGNANT, covert narcissistic sh¡+ disguised as just a loving parent wanting their young adult child to be successful in their future work endeavors.
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I don't see any mention of a military background here, but when I was in Basic Training (US Army), 0430 hours was when we began our day. (On Sundays we could "sleep in" -- till 0500 hours!) Now, the reason the military does this is to make the recruits easier to "brainwash". I use that term facetiously. Mostly. Every military in the world does this, as far as I know. Cults also use sleep deprivation to facilitate indoctrination. I wonder if the mom read about this somewhere and decided to put it into practice, to see if she could mold her kid into obedience, while trying to hide behind the whole "instilling good habits" excuse. This really is abusive, since the school is so close. It can't be good for OP's academic performance.
Exactly!!! This bullsh¡+ is psychological, emotional, physical, etc. WARFARE. This is the type of stuff a covert narcissist would do. Your mention of militaries & cults using these practices are so true. Hell !--- even churches, and other religious congregations, fraternities/sororities, etc. can be extremely cult-like in these ways.
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My mom, for no reason wakes the whole house by unloading dishwasher at 3:30. She falls asleep at 8pm and when she wakes up freaking early, she probably decides to torture us by noise. I live 16 years by myself, but whenewer I came for a visit, she was doing it. I think, she hates my father, or I don't know...
I'm NOT EVER going to be an early riser. Some are, some aren't. Period. Mom needs to get a clue. You need to get sleep.
If that was my mother I wouldn't have put up with that this long. She touches me I kick as hard as I can. She removes my door I buy plywood and a screw gun and make my own wall, I'll leave through the window.
When I was a teenager my mom put deadbolts on the front and back doors, the kind where a key is needed both outside and inside. She would lock them and keep the key. I was not a crazy, misbehaving teen, she was just a control freak. One night we had an argument and I went out a second story window to go talk to a friend. The second I graduated I moved 3,000 miles away. Some people shouldn't have kids.
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My mom did this to my brother, but that’s because he wouldn’t get out of bed for school. The good thing is that it didn’t start at 4:30. I now get up between 4-5am because I manage a bakery and have to be there no later than 6. Even though I’m used to getting up early, I will sleep half a day on my days off if I don’t have anything to do.
I used to work 3rd shift all the time because that extra pay was so nice and it fit my life better at the time. I GOT HOME at 4:30am. My cousin and best friend who was a nurse in the ER at that time who started work at 5am. We would talk to each other every day as I was leaving work and she was about to go to work. Every person has a different schedule to fit their needs. OPs mom must be seriously disconnected from reality.
I think I've seen studies in the past that show that school for teenagers should start later and that they likely need more sleep than 8 hours a day. Also, in the case of OP. She's 18. Shouldn't the mother have been allowing OP to grow up and take responsibility for getting themselves to school on time? I don't recall when my parents stopped waking me up for school, unless they noticed I overslept, when I as in junior high. By the time I was in high school it was also up to me when my bedtime was. If I was tired for school then it was my own fault.
Can confirmed. Studied adolescent psychology. They require 8-10 hours depending on the person and their brains literally can't function properly in the morning. School should not start until 9am at the absolute earliest, but ideally late morning. This isn't just teenagers...the period of adolescent development continues into the early 20s. So universities should also follow this schedule, and employers should be flexible with schedules also. (That one is also because some people are legitimately night owls. Scientifically. And shouldn't be forced to live on a 9-5 schedule.)
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I sometimes have to wake up at 4:30 because work start early, but I would never wake up if I didn't need to.This mom is being borderline abusive and weird. Waking someone too early doesn't make them early bird, it makes them sleep deprived.
She would hate me lol I'm a full blown grown ass woman and I wake up at 6:30am every morning to leave for work at 6:45. F**k this "be a morning person" b******t. I have it down to a science. I also don't consider myself fully awake until around 9am maybe even 10am and I'm already well into my work day. Mom needs a xanax and a long nap.
I just love that this person got so much support online. Definitely NTA!! His mom is a jerk.
NTA the mother is controlling and it’s only going to get worse unless you can find way to end it, like tell your father.
I'm not sure what the fuss is all about , I got up early af to go to football practice ,come home get ready help my mom get my younger siblings ready and off to school then off I went then practice after school then work and repeat everyday for years and I'm not even close to as pissed as all these people who are complaining in the comments lol life's hard and you deal with it!! Atleast that's what I have learned
Omg after seeing these comments no wonder our country is failing. Kick her out at 18 if she won't follow house rules . People are so insane , all this just life. This tory like is like the other report on manager giving teen paper at job about life everyone. Our pussy society is failing. No one is going to care about feelings in real world and responsibility and rules have to be followed whether you like it or not. I have no time or care for these cry babies. It's no wonder everyone gets offended by everyone and everything. The comments only make me see that there are so many psycho people. The world isn't a safe space and if she knows she has to get up early then plan for it sleep early whatever. I retired at 32 and in 30s still and have teenagers and worked hard and did everything on own. Glad I'm raising kids who aren't like this. Oh yeah and I took thier doors too. It's my house and rules and they understand that and if they choose different in thier own home its own business.
I completely agree. If you don't like it, MOVE! DHS defines basic human needs is a roof over your head, food in the home and clothes on your back. My daughter WANTED to get a job at 16 to buy her own things. Never was disrespectful to me, always did what she said she was going to do. She is 27 now and just moved out 2 years ago..... saved enough money to purchase he own home. She followed MY house rules while she lived under MY roof. 27 and very successful with going to a trade school. Getting places in life calls for sacrifice and she sacrificed a lot on her own (sleep, time with friends, etc.). It's not the parents responsibility (after 18) to cook their meals, clean the house by themselves or to provide "extras". People are too soft now a days. If you don't like where your at, it's your responsibility to change it and at 18, you have that power! Go someplace else!
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"anyone can write on bored panda" easy enough when all you do is regurgitate reddit posts
Sounds like this poor, abused kid might wanna flip through "Understanding the Borderline Mother" by Christine Ann Lawson. Just to see if they recognize a lot of behaviors. Sure looks like BPD to me! Tbf, I have a Borderline mother & it's sometimes too easy for me to see it in ANY weird behaviors. Flipping thru a book would let them know, for sure. Either way, this ISN'T normal.
I am an adult. I got up 11:30am. My bills are paid, I have a house, and haven't been in jail. What standard are were using for successful?
I had the reverse situation. I used to have to wake my mother at 5 to get me to gymnastics training at school. But she did so begrudgingly.
NTA. Talk to your school principle about it. Explain the situation and ask if he/she will talk to your mom with scientific stuff about sleep deprivation, brain development and school performances. That wil "wake her up". Good luck!
I don't know where we went wrong. There may be 2 generations of pointless humans on the lose now. So much regret in the older generations, we shouldn't have allowed this to happen.
One time I was up at 2am but that's because we had to get to the school and hour and a half before the bus to Muskoka was set to leave. That moms a psycho. Ps: Muskoka is a 6 hour drive from us.
I have to work at 6, and I don't even get up until 5, why on earth would you ever need to be up that early, that's not even early, that's the middle of the night
Getting up earlier, shower, make your bed, eat and be fully awake and ready for the day by 630am is exactly what she should be teaching this teen.
Mom is being hyper controlling and probably harming her son: 1. People's circadian rhythms don't really change. People can make themselves sleep and wake to a schedule that isn't natural to them, but they never physically adjust. 2. All adults don't get up super early. I'm 58 and still am a night owl (I've been working from home, so I am always in work status on time. It will be a struggle to return to having a one-hour commute.) 3. Additionally, I've read that teenagers need more sleep than adults do. 4. Once a teen is in high school, getting up in time to get to school on time should be the teenager's responsibility. It helps them get ready to live apart from a parent or parents. As long as he gets to school on time, his mother should leave him alone.
That birther is a control-freak c8nty jackhole who needs a really hard reality-kick to the face. She is PSYCHO. And why haven't they told their dad this already? Why is this person letting that btch get away with that level of control-freakery? Sounds like the birther wants the kid to leave the house.
This teen shouldn't stand for that. They should get a job and move out, that will teach the mom a lesson.
Geographical closeness is not the issue here. The issue is no matter where this child goes or what she tries to do with her life, her mother will destroy her "all in the name of doing it for her own good". This daughter has NO ONE and is unable to cope with this extreme relentless sadistic abuse from the person who should be making her daughter feel safe and secure and loved. Daughter needs a team of protectors on many levels to survive this trauma. A sound spa machine with brooks, rain, pink and white noise, with intense therapy could help her survive this nightmare. I am very concerned for her current state of mind and her fatigue-saturated reasoning for the solution she might select thinking she has no choices or opportunities to thrive. Very worried.
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Your mom is a psycho. Not everyone walks the same road and you can't force someone into a mold that they don't fit in. I am not a morning person. Between 3 and 5 PM, my brain will click on and override the fatigue from being up too early and I'm ready to work. Too bad it's almost time to leave work! I would fill my briefcase up and do it all from home. Your mom needs some serious help. I'm 61 and I've never known anyone needing to be up at 4:30 just to get ready for work that probably wont start until 8...unless they were shift workers or circus clowns as i imagine it would take a lot of time to put that make up on. What did she do for a living that she needed so much prep time? Are you sure she just doesn't want you out of the house for some reason? Once you're gone to school does she scurry back to her bed to continue to sleep? Stick to your guns and your own circadian rhythm. Don't fight your body's needs.
So yes, mom is abusive and wrong yadda yadda. But is anyone else seeing this as a red flag that the mom has suddenly developed a psychological problem? OP makes it sound like this behavior only started recently. I'm wondering if mom has had other changes in behavior, like her energy levels, memory, etc. Sure, this kind of psycho abuse can be a part of how mom has always been, but if it's new and comes with new symptoms, she could have a new mental illness, like schizophrenia, depression with psychosis, or Alzheimer's. I can't make a diagnosis, of course. I just really think OP needs to convince someone mom trusts to get her evaluated by a psychologist if this sort of thing is new. Calling an aunt, uncle, or grandparent with concerns about Alzheimer's is a good way to start.
I agree the author should be able to wake up whenever they please... in their own house... where they pay the bills. Since that isn't the case, it might be advantageous to negotiate with the head of household. Since 6am is the goal, ask mom what she wants in return? Earlier bedtime? More help around the house? Improved grades? Instead of making life at home more difficult, work together to make life easier. Stop making a mountain out of a molehill.
Me, also lives 5 minutes away frim school(by car), also wakes up at around 4:30(not forced to wake up at that time tho), school starts at 7:05. Also me, arrives late to school
There's more to this story, I'm sure. If the kid has a habit of oversleeping, I can see why mom would lose it. However, getting her up at 4:30 is insane. NTA for locking the door. Hate to say it, but the kid has the right to set boundaries. She tried to be reasonable, ask nicely, etc... so, last resort, make demands. Which, they did.
My daughter slept through the night from day one and oftentimes I had to wake her up after eight hours to feed her and she would go back to sleep while still nursing. I never had to tell her to go to bed. If sleeping was an Olympic sport she would be a gold medalist every four years. Most times when she got off of school she did her homework,ate and was in bed by 5:00pm and was still tired when she had to get up for school. On weekends and holidays it was routine for her to sleep 18 hours use the bathroom and eat and back to bed. It never changed no matter how old she was. But I always let her sleep as much as she wanted to. My son liked to stay up all night and sleep all day but unfortunately he has been an insomniac since he was in middle school. My daughter has one son and he also likes to sleep. My poor son still has insomnia and his son sleeps normally. My four year old tells me he is ready to go to bed by 9:30pm at the latest and gets up about 10:00am.
Such excessive sleep requirements may indicate an hereditary sleep disturbance. Check it out
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Been getting myself up for school since 4th grade. Why does the mom need to do this?
SHE DOESN'T. She LIKES it. Dad split. Daughter's left alone. Mom needs to be away from daughter for her child's health. Who will she be waking up if she causes this child's death??
Load More Replies... I agree with everyone’s comments about it being abusive. While it’s not an excuse for the mother’s behaviour (since as an adult it’s her responsibility to get help for it to minimize the impact on other people) it sounds like the mom has a mental illness that would make her feel like she needs to control things. Something like OCD. It isn’t just excessive hand washing that people obsess over, it can be time, bugs, fingernail length, etc. and not having control causes incredible anxiety and discomfort and further, irrational fixation. That does not in any way explain or excuse threats such as removing the door. It is the mother’s problem that she’s unnecessarily forcing into her daughter causing her daughter pain and suffering and seeing her regularly crying over it, she’s well aware of the impact.
I disagree the mother is aware of the impact she has the sadistic need to cause her daughter. She cannot relate to her child as a parent and shows VERY DARK EMPATHY for this child's obvious, escalating, serious suffering. WHAT'S NEXT??
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I got up with my husband at 4:30 for many years because he had to be at work by 6:00. However that was my Choice. I liked being with him before he left and talking to him while he ate breakfast even though I didn't have to be at work until 9. That mother is just a jerk.
American schedules are crazy! School in most countries in Europe don't start until 9am. Maybe 8am for the oldest kids (16 years old or so...)
Nah My dad took my door several times because my sister(who I shared a room with) wouldn't do her chores. It was a huge invasion of privacy considering we also lived with 6 of our brothers. It already sucked sharing a room with her to begin with cause she was a slob not to mention the age difference(I was 17 and she was 12) but one of my older brothers felt that he was allowed in the room whenever he wanted because it was his room back when he was around 7, he was 23 at the time
My mother used to take my phone and wake me up at 4 to "prepare me for the real world". That stopped after I set alarms to go off every 5 minutes from 12am to 3am. I was a petty boy and am now a petty man
That school is psycho too if they force their students to start school at 7.15 am. Studies show that even 8.15 am would be to early for teenagers/young adults.
WTF? Most adults don't get up at 4:30 am! That's practically still the middle of the night. I don't start work until 9 and I do just fine getting up at 8 - it doesn't affect my ability to adult. And you can't "condition" someone - especially a teenager. That's not how it works. Mom sounds like she needs professional help.
Someone said blast an air horn! lol That would also wake her Dad but maybe he needs it if he allows his wife to continue this behavior. I worked in a school and needed to be there by 7:15, 7:30 the latest plus I had to wake my son but I still didn't get out of bed unti 6 a.m. Sometimes the school called me in to come in on an unscheduled day at 6:30 a.m. and I was still showered, dressed, and out the door by 7:15 the latest. My son was old enough to get himself up and out the door by then. She didn't mention her DAd so I don't know if he lived there but she should talk with him and ask him to run interference. Plus this girl IS 18!!!! She's old enough to decide for herself when she's going to get out of bed. If she's late a few times, she'll learn. The only time I got up before 6 in the morning was when I used to go crabbing with my Dad in the summer when I was a kid.
Abusive psycho b***h from hell. Mom needs help acting like it's a military program get a f****n life. I'd have moved tf out n not told em n leave em dead worried. How would she like to be abused n forced against her will maybe psycho b***h mom needs that treatment to recognize her f****d up ways
I'm a night owl in a family of early birds. My parents, while not crazy that I stayed up late, didn't wake me up at some crazy early hour, and on weekends let me sleep a bit later. Forcing someone to be an early bird is sheer torture for those of us with late-night tendencies. I went to a school that started early, like the OP's. It was in the Sacramento, CA area and had no A/C. I was told it was set up that way so that during warmer hours, we'd be out of school before it got too hot. I still hated it.
My mom was like this but for a way less logical reason. On days when I could sleep in, she would open the door as if the swat team were making an entry, and bang on the walls as if they had infiltrated with flash bangs. Drill instructors had nothing on her. If I got up earlier than she would, I could hear her feet hit the floor and her running to turn on her shower before mine, so she would not be spared hot water. I started taking showers at school, getting there by 0500, working out, then getting breakfast while doing homework. She was ridiculous and nasty and I never knew why. On weekends she said it was because on Saturday I had to do the chores and on Sunday it was for church. Church started at 1000. Later in life o Easter of all occasions, she came to visit me as I lived in another city, and instead of waking early to go to church, she plastered her butt in a casino chair. It has been a lifetime of psycho about a lot of things, but mostly when it comes to sleep.
I do NOT understand. To me 4:30 is the middle of the night. Is this a REAL post?? Assuming it is: At what hour does this girl go to bed?? Maybe simply accustom herself to going to bed one and a half hours earlier than she is now going to bed. I understand that in most of the USA, a person becomes an adult at 18. She has the right to leave home and maybe should remind her Mum.
OMG. You're 18. As long as you get to school on time there is no reason to get up any earlier. Also, your mother needs to learn that she needs to respect your privacy. She needs to be more respectful to you. My mother was crazy strict when I was in high school, but even she respected my privacy and the fact that I had an alarm clock.
I am 42 years old, so very much an adult. I don't get up at 4:30am. In fact, I am, like others here, a night owl. I work second shift. I'm most active at night. It's when I do my best thinking. I've always been that way. Hèll, 4:30am is just about my bedtime, LOL! And there's nothing wrong with that. That said, at 18, OP is an adult themselves. They are well past the age Mommy should be waking them up every day. She needs to cut the apron strings. At some point, every kid has to learn to do for themselves. Sink or swim. Even if they make mistakes. Making mistakes is how we learn. She needs to let them wake themselves up. Whenever that might be. As long as they're getting up for school/work on time, and having no problems therein, leave them the hèll alone.
Wake up shower and have a coffee with your mom and help with dishes etc. Make the best of it. Go to bed early. Alternatively consider finding a new place to live.
At 18, she is too old for child services to be call for removing the bedroom door, but Fire departments and/or fire Marshalls would probably step in if it was reported to them. Where I live, in order for a room to be classified as a bedroom, it has to have an egress (window or door) to the outside, and a bedroom door.
I would absolutely lose the last bit of sanity i have left if my mom did this. There isn't alot left, but i would still lose it
I pray all of you become parents. This is from a CHILDS perspective, what's the mom have to say about all of this
They should be happier their mother freaking cares! Yes it's distressful. Do you pay bills, but food, wash the families laundry. When she's washing you does she spend time with you or is she just being you for being slow or incompetent? Is not, THANK GOD YOU HAVE A F*****G MOTHER! f*****g kids all they do is whiny and complain about how hard life is. What time do you think she wakes up of SHE'S washing your ungrateful begind up? I have to take my method kids to school because get mom is hardly every up on time. She's always late. Be happy you're mom had her shot enough together with ALL SHE GOES THROUGH FOR YOU. Kids are selfish. I work I had a f*****g mom
Although I see no problem with OP getting up at 6 AM, maybe have a talk with mom that you are willing to compromise by getting up 15 - 30 minutes earlier. Make sure she understands that that time is the most the OP is willing to get up. Don’t let her get away with any earlier. Let her know that OP is considering moving out to be the consequences of mom failing to stick to the compromise.
this mom is crazy the teen have is been responsible for getting up at 6 to make it to school the teen school is just 5 mins away
Fr. Your mom is a nut job. Get a job and move out. That's just abusive, controlling, and manipulative for no reason.
Sleep deprivation wrecks havoc on your physical and mental health. The kid is still in a kid, he needs his sleep now more than ever. His mother's behavior is frankly, abusive, because she's knowingly and intentionally negatively impacting his mental health, without and legitimate justification. Whatever excuses she makes, she knows what she is doing, and it's abuse. The fact she immediately threatened to take away his door for an extra hour and a half of sleep is just more evidence of her being controlling and abusive. The kid didn't want to tell his father for fear of causing arguments, and I would say that's just the icing on the cake and let's us know there have been a lot more issues than just waking up at a reasonable hour.
Get up an hour before she does do that for a week wake her up when you get up and see how that goes
Who allowed this to be posted? This is not news worthy. Its parenting and everyone has their own way and in no way is this abuse by the mom so why are you making it out like it is? What happened to people?? I'm so embarrassed by what people have become.
Start setting your alarm for random hours through out the night and do the same to her. Flash her lights at 1a on Monday. Let the hyper puppy in her room at 2a on Tuesday. Pull all her covers off her bed at 3a in Wednesday. Make her life the same Hell she has you in. If she keeps it up. Set your alarm for 4:25a and wait at your door. When she arrives to wake you, scream at her, "STOP WAKING ME UP!" Right up to her nose so loud that spit flies out of your mouth and slam the door in her face. Complain to your counselor at school. Have them Pull her in and inconvenience her during the day and explain how damaging sleep deprivation is. If she keys on, tell your dad EVERY TIME. Make him her in her a*s.
Although I agree that your mother shouldn't be waking you up at 430 the is no leagle standing for you to have a lock on a door in a house you dont own or rent. It's you mothers place so she can remove doors as she wishes although your 18 you li e under her roof. Sound like you and your mother need some 3rd party counciling to discuss these issues or move out.
That mom is crazy. If I'm a mom, i will wake up my daughter on reasonable time. But not that early. plus, she's doing the same thing her parents did to her to her daughter now.
i feel so privileged that i'm disabled and can sleep whenever i want for as long as i want. that being said, i don't have any regular time i go to bed or get up. my mom is on the same non-schedule as me. i shoot for 10 hours minimum, and my record for unbroken sleep (meaning i wasn't awake for an hour in the middle somewhere) is 22 hours. sleep is so important, and anyone who willfully deprives someone of it is definitely TA.
Honestly this can be qualified as torture, we have to get the right amount of sleep for day, also my grandma tried this s**t with me, but you know what? I work at night like 5pm to midnight! Now ask me if I have any problems? Hell no! I'll never be a early bird..... And I know that I have a plethora of jobs I can do at night....
"Mom was so mad that she threatened to take the door away, which could be considered a violation of privacy".....REALLY? Is that like a LEGAL analysis by some rando BP story poster? Because I can assure you: parents are within their legal rights to remove a door on their adult child's bedroom. Doesn't mean they SHOULD, tho. And this mother is so ignorant, it's scary. A teen's circadian rhythm is so off due to puberty & developmental progression that most don't even begin getting tired until 10 or 11 pm. In fact, the only reason high school always started so early is because, decades ago, teen children were needed to help with the family farm & caring for younger children, so they went to school early and came home early. But this is before their circadian variation was understood. Making a teen get up at 0430 does nothing but severely sleep deprives them & makes them MUCH MORE PRONE TO SEVERE DEPRESSION, & IMPULSIVITY (due to impact on the amygdala). LET TEENS SLEEP IN!
The mom is TA because what she is doing is trying to control her daughter. And the fact when daughter took that power she threatened to take the door. This woman is abusive.
That's so disrespectful of her. I am also a mother of an 18yr old high schooler and it's his responsibility to make sure he is up on time for school. His bedroom door and the mess it hides are his responsibility and if his door is closed, it means he would like privacy. If my door is closed he knocks. It's mutual respect.
my dad did this s**t, too. i'm still suffering from it and now my brother (who i live with again atm) is starting the same bs. if he pulls it again like he did, say, just yesterday, then he's gonna get an essay as to wuy he should leave me, also an adult, tf alone. ^u^
... my mom woke me up every morning at 3:30 am... .. didn't know this was considered abuse, no wonder my body can't seem to understand what sleep is, im half night owl some days others just a permanently exhausted pigeon, sometimes i go to bed at 9 pm and don't wake up until like 4 pm the next day, other times i go to bed at like 5 pm and wake up at 10 pm and my body just won't let me sleep... another thing to add to the mountain of abuse my mother did to me... also school didn't start for me until 8:45 and my mom would drop me off at like 6 am... when the building was closed. She didn't even have anywhere to be because her job started at noon and this was happening from kindergarten onwards...
Are we talking about several high schoolers here? Or just one?
Mom is doing it on purpose so you complain to dad and make HIM initiate contact. Negative attention is better than no attention at all. Plus, subconsciously... it's HIM coming to HER, not the other way around. My mom was a narcissist, I sea what she was doing clearly, and right away. Especially the passive aggressive tactics she used. So many tactics to wake the child up, shows how much she turns over and over in her head the planned upcoming interaction with the other parent.
I had a shift that required me to wake at 4:30 and I will never do it again. Even Dolly Parton sings about NINE to FIVE. Also the sun ain't up at that time, ever, so early bird MY ASS. I was the night owl up at that hour to make coffee for the actual Early birds & it's not a normal working schedule.
Poor thing. Doesn't seem like your mom is gonna listen to you. My advice is to ask for family counseling especially if you have younger siblings because this type of behavior will likely get worse as it goes unchecked. Disturbed sleep can negatively affect your cortisol levels and really screw with your health, mentally and physically.. It's true some parents are doing far worse to their children but I think we're trying to respond to you so that you at least know that it's not "normal" for her to disregard you to that extent.
I hate to say it but I grew up in a farming community most kids were up at 5:00 in the morning to do chores finish up their homework or do their extra curricular activities before school. That being said they're usually in bed by 10:00 p.m. if not earlier because they knew they had to get up early the next morning to get their chores done. Me I've always worked 12-hour shifts ever since I was 20 years old and being a volunteer firefighter you basically sleep when you can. So if you can get 8 hours sleep going to bed at 8:00 and getting up at 4:00 that's fine! Even in high school in a Catholic school we started at 8:15 in the morning and went till 3:15 in the afternoon and then extracurricular activities either before school and or after school. I'm also from a military family so 5:00 in the morning is nothing. In the military you could have more done before 8:00 a.m. than most people do all day. I'm just saying whatever works
What a controlling biotch. No adult gets up at 4:30 am UNLESS THEY HAVE TO. My former Mother-In-Law did, but she LIKED to, &/or, it's just how her body functioned. She would have been pissed, if someone woke here up at 2:30 though. Your Mom is a jerk. I'm so sorry. Yes! Lock the damn door!
Wonder what time she goes to bed for school? I have 2 daughters that shares a room(13 and 18). My 18yr old will stay up all night on her laptop and phone and usually between 6-8am she decides to go to bed. She keeps her little sister awake instead of getting off of her electronics until her sister goes to sleep. Her little sister sometimes can't fall asleep at her bedtime (11pm) and ends up going to sleep after midnight then gets up at 6:30am for school. If my 18yr old keeps herself awake most of the night, them the daughter of the nosey mom may have her door unlocked for a reason and to threaten her daughter to remove the door is due to a TRUST ISSUE NOT so called helping her daughter become an early bird, but apparently the mother uses that as an excuse on why she's treating her daughter that way instead of telling her daughter that she doesn't trust her and explain to her daughter on why. Daughter just assumes "early bird helping" from what her mom says. Mom needs to tell the truth
My mom and I were both night owls. My hubby of over 30 years is an early bird. To him anything after 6an is sleeping in, but to me, that is almost night time. When I worked, I had to do it. And do it now if need be. I am not a morning person, he is. So be it. You can’t fix natural biological stuff like that. Unless she wants to drug you…
My hurt feelings don't constitute parental abuse. The take away? Show your parents some respect. It doesn't matter what your habits are, what your ideologies are, or what you feel like crying about online. It's your mom's house. And EVERYONE that took part in terrorizing the mom in this story, is TA. Not the child, not the parent. All that is is two different sets opinions and habits. Ta's are the people dramatizing the situation. Sorry not sorry, but this is YOUR MOM. you should be the first person defending her, not the person that wanted to humiliate her on everyone's news feed. Just saying.
Not the a*****e. But mom needs help as evidenced by the "cut off from communication" comment. Mom is possibly waking her up so early because she is desperate for company after a long night and hiding other symptoms also.
NTA. I'm 22 years old and I can no longer wake up at 6AM unless I have to for whatever reason. I sleep until 10-11AM and fall asleep around 3AM. Sometimes I wake up at 9. It's perfect for me. I still live with my Dad (but not for much longer) and his rule is as long as I can get up and get to work on time, he doesn't bug me. And he's bugged me before about waking up earlier. You can't turn someone into an early bird. That's not how it works. Get out of there, girl!!
The old lady is off her rocker and meds. Finish School and get the hell outta there. Oh, and keep locking the door.
I get that they don't like being waken up so early but saying that it ruins your day and s**t just makes them sound pathetic
NTA, I say OP should take the time to sleep at school, and when asked why they're sleeping in class, are they not getting enough sleep, they should say no, that their mom is essentially abusing them. Let the school explain to her why doing this is horrible.
Just thought I'd throw this out there. But if the mom wants to take the doctor's door off house doors or door frames rather are normally about the same size so if she takes her door then the OP can take her mom's door and use it. They aren't hard to take off and put on once they have already been set up once
Nothing would get my butt out of the house with a job and my own place after graduation faster than that. Also would keep all further communucation to a minimum thereafter. That woman is a menace.
Let's address the reasoning .....too long to go between communication? No, I don't think so. And as far as "all adults get up early" no they don't. I'm one of those adults who doesn't have to get up by 4:30 and I never really did - even when I was younger - 6:00a.m. is a reasonable hour to get up.... since you only live 5 minutes away to get up go to the bathroom get dressed come out and eat should take less than 45 minutes which means you could be to school by 7:00 ...or a little earlier. You're 18 now so as an adult she needs to respect your privacy. Your mom's being unreasonable. Teenagers need their sleep, and your request is reasonable and not jeopardizing your attendance at school. She may have issues with feeling alone and or abandoned but that's not something you can assess it would have to be from a professional.
Let's address the reasoning too long to go between communication? I don't think so. And as far as all adults get up early no they don't. I'm one of those adults too doesn't have to get up by 4:30 and I never really did when I was younger 6:00 is a reasonable hour to get up and since you only live 5 minutes away to get up go to the bathroom get dressed come out and eat should take less than 45 minutes which means you could be to school by 7:00 for a little early. You're 18 now so as an adult she needs to respect your privacy. Your mom's being unreasonable teenagers need their sleep. And your request is reasonable and not jeopardizing your attendance at school. She may have issues with feeling alone and or abandoned but that's not something you can assess it would have to be from a professional..
Locking doors is rude, but barging into your adult child's room to wake them up stupid early in the morning when they have no problem getting themselves up at an appropriate time isn't? I'm glad this kid will hopefully be able to move out soon because this mom is a nut job and is behaving abusively.
So this is actually abuse and harassment. If this happened during the time OP was under 18 then she can tell her Mom that if she continues she will be reported. Also, if you have a father and haven't told him yet, why not. Sounds like you either don't trust him or maybe the story is a little exaggerated.
What drives me absolutely insane about ask reddits is NEVER getting an update! At least 95% no updates anyways. I always wanna know WHAT HAPPENED!! ITS LIKE reading a story but ripping out last chapter...hate it.
I would advise you to stand up to her and don’t back down. At 18 your almost an adult . Let her know she can’t keep bullying you. We all need our sleep.
All of the schools in the US start at this time. If this child is 18, the parent shouldn't be waking her up. She should have an alarm clock. My daughter is 15, and she's been getting herself up for several years. 4 30 is ridiculous.
BTW ...I did take a door off my teens room for smoking POT in MY house, but he found a law that former Pres,Clinton passed giving children more rights... find the article and show that to mom.
I work 6a -6p only on weekends, I live 30 mins from work tho so I do get up at 0430, but on days I don't work I sleep untill I want too....BTW I am a nurse @ a prison. I NEVER DID THIS TO MY 3 KIDS.. and I was called controling...
Depends. I'm a muslim, we're obligated to pray at 4-5 am. Also, i live in a country where people are expected to leave for work at 5-6 am, so if my parents do that to me, it's actually for my own good doesn't matter how much i hate it. But if op has considered his/her situation and convinced that it's meaningless now and forever, then what I'm going to regret is the lack of communication in your family. Family supposed to listen to each other. You should ask why the heck mom feel that she need to do that. Then make your case why you shouldn't do that. If that fails, yeah try involving dad.
Where I come from it is ilegal to wake someone up before 5 am. It's a law that even special forces or the police has to obey. EU/Romania
My mother would wake me up with stuff like that as a teenager . Once she threatened to throw water all over me , so I really sympathize for her. This controlling and abusive behavior plain and simple. It would interesting to know how they get along in general.
Time to back off and allow the adult daughter to set their own schedule and experience the consequences of being late to school. These real-life lessons are far more important than conditioning them to be up unnecessarily early.
So… this teen’s mom is forcing them to wake up at a ridiculous hour for absolutely no reason? Essentially, she’s forcing this kid to get up at an unnecessary time just to prove a bizarre (and untrue) point. It’s passive aggressive, weird, unnecessary, and if this kid is going to bed at a normal hour of like, 10pm, depriving a teenager of a reasonable amount of sleep, which is necessary for their school day. And this teenager would need to go to bed at like, 8pm to get a reasonable amount of sleep, but how many high school seniors only have 2-4 hours of homework a night? With sports/clubs, an after school job, making dinner/cleaning up, or whatever else they do after school, how could they possibly get their homework done before needing to crash at 8pm lmao? Christ, my senior year I had 6 AP classes, an honors class, was a professional musician gigging a lot, had a part time job, and was in sports. There’s no way I could get done with school at 3pm and in 5 hours have everything done. I barely had just my homework done in 5 hours, let alone everything else.
First things first NTA ! But your mother is!!! She sounds like a controlling psycho. Sleeping is Not cutting off communication! The fact she went there is nuts. She sounds more than unstable to threaten a teenage female to remove her door. Absolutely unacceptable threats and behavior on the mothers part. And she’s delusional about getting you ready for adulthood. I’m an adult and I work on my own timeline. This isn’t the 1940’s when you had to be at the factory and punch in at 6:00 am. This mother is Wrong 😑!!! Sounds to me like a very sad miserable human. Keep locking your door and getting the sleep you need. And tell your mother if she can’t respect your needs as a human being, then you’ll have to take other measures. If she removes your door. Call social services. Sleep deprivation is Abuse. And tell her she needs to respect your boundaries, you’re a teen , which means when you turn 18 you can move out and choose to not have a relationship with her.
Mom resents getting up while the kids sleep, so she's turning her attitude into a "life lesson". Closing the door is "rude"? Rude how? Tell her that adults must occasionally engage in rudeness in order to assert their rights, and claim their personal space. Especially young women, so...it's a life lesson for Mom.
No one has addressed the reason why Mom thinks 430 is the definition of early. In my desert climate (SW N.Am.) 4 30 is a little early but not unreasonable because we spend a lot of time avoiding the heat. By midsummer, the heat comes about 2 hours after sunrise. So getting your morning run in before work, doing yardwork, chores etc Needs to happen early. And it is hard to shift to early after winter n short days let you sleep later. It really is better to to stay reasonably close to an early start for your days. That said, no kid wants to waste that time just waiting around before school. Kid should try negotiating for 2 things. First an agreement about how to spend the time before school: spend it with mom! Go run together? Walk the dog? Watch news, cook together? Or just binge watch a series they want to share while doing the daily chores..And then maybe a slightly later time like 5 or 530 would look better to mom? Basic negotiation: offer value to get value.
430 am isn't morning yet. That's nuts and very unhealthy for a teen to lose sleep unnecessarily.
If your Mom resists on waking you at 4:30, talk to your school counselor, teachers and esp your Primary Doctor....or a Help- line.. Another possibility is talk to your Mom's Primary Doctor. Her behavior is not appropriate at all.
Your mother is TA. There is no reason to get up that early other than your mom getting her jollies by controlling you. What freaking time is *she* normally up? Does she go back to bed after you leave? In that case she's also a damn hypocrite. You are capable of getting up and off to school on your own. If you screw that up, then it's on you. She's not doing you any favors.
This woman is crazy. She should be told that continuing this behavior will result in her child dropping out of school. At 18, child services won't get involved, but maybe Dad can help.
Abuse? You are the reasons and the ones raising whinny cry baby teens who cry about having to get up and go to school.
Read the letter again. The kid was doing fine with getting up at 6 and getting to school in an hour. The mother's rationale is faulty at best, and her response to the locked door was all about her power, not the teenager's well being.
Load More Replies... The human brain at that age is incapable of dealing with a constant 4:30 am wake up call. The shattering of REM sleep by this mother is no different than waking up from a terrifying nightmare. I'm pretty sure she isn't going to bed at 8pm to counter waking up at 4:30.
The OP has at least the genes to become an early bird... I'm a night owl and if my mom would ever had tried such shít once, she would never have tried it again (same stays try for the chance that my dad would have tried that without reason). Honestly, when being that way disturbed and by incident the president of the US, I would hit the red button to see the world burn (to regret it 2 hours later, if there's still life left). Scientists found out that it is the special mixture of hormones/transmitters in your body that make you bring one way or the other... and even those early morning aggression can be related to such an imbalance.
6am is early bird! 4am is very strange, nobody is productive at that hour!
Okay, I'm not an early bird at all, I only go to bed at 3, but I'm sure 4 am is too early even for early birds. it's the middle of the night. It's dark at this hour almost all year round.
Used to have to wake my anxiety riddled night owl daughter up at 530 am for school every morning bc they started at 7. It was hell those 4 yrs of high school not just for her but for me as well. She was a night owl since she was an infant. It's her internal clock. She's the best when she wakes up in her own around 10.
I honestly don't understand why the mom's getting high criticism. The 18 yr old knows that she is going to be woke up early then simply go to bed earlier. The teen is crying because of this and everyone has bad things to say about mom when simply the teen has to be a spoiled brat to cry about being woke up to early.
So the teenager should go to bed between 6:30 and 8:30 in order to get enough sleep to be awakened at 4:30 for no other reason than to placate the nutjob mother? When do you suggest she do homework? Sure hope you aren't a parent.
Load More Replies... Coming from the perspective of a parent, it's possible the mother is feeling the impending flight of her child from the nest. She claims to be trying to get the child accustomed to what she sees as normal adult hours but the issue of 'cutting off communication" pops up from a locked door. Nobody gets a manual with step by step instructions on how to be the perfect parent. I think yall are being too hard on her for wanting more time with her child, no matter how misguided her intentions are. Sounds like a real heart to heart conversation needs to take place.
Yeah. Between disturbed mom, disengaged dad, and abused teen. Child services may be interest in this case where child is already exhibiting severe anxiety, depression, mental fatigue and physical exhaustion. PRONTO. and I mean PRONTO!! HEART TO HEART CHAT?? That's pure denial if I ever heard it. Interesting you see this as loneliness of the mother over serious abuse of the daughter. Maybe far more than interesting...let's hope and pray that those who hear of her life of torment and abuse can offer her much more. NOTHING justifies this woman's abuse of a growing teen who should feel safe at home.
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I agree that your mother is being unreasonable with the time, especially if you have shown yourself to be responsible. 4am is too early. That being said, at the same time you are still living under her roof. It is her house. Until you are able to get out on your own it is going to be tough trying to make your own rules within her household. My parents never let us sleep past 9am on the weekends and I hated never being allowed to sleep in. As an adult, on my own, I enjoy every minute of the extra sleep I'm allowed to give myself. But I would have never dreamed of locking the door on my parents while I was living there, 18 or not. It's not fair. It sucks. But unfortunately it's her house. Hopefully you will be graduating this year, and can make plans to find your own place, and live a littler happier and more rested.
It's this type of attitude that causes child suicides at alarming rates in the US. The quoted philosophy speaks to mainly drugs in a home, alcoholism, sibling abuse, pet abuse, lying, cutting school, stealing, crimes, violence, curfew abuse, and disrespect of other people. In all my years of practice caring for suicidal teens, having never lost even one, I've NEVER considered abusing a child verbally, physically, psychologically or ANY action of the parents pushing a child to exhaustion, desperation to get sleep, feeling threatened, or depressed because of any "house rule if they live in it" with the the ruler to be a sound argument. But ASTOUNDINGLY, I can't BEGIN to imagine how becoming the mental batterer of a child who breaks the ruler's RULE against getting adequate health-sustaining sleep, sustained sleep deprivation of all stages is supposed to "build a stronger worldly character". This mother is provking tragedy and is too unskilled and selfish to know this OR get herself help
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Just play dead. I sleep like the dead it's really hard to wake me up. But when someone actually does wake me up I just keep my eyes closed and wait for them to go away pretending to sleep. I only use the secret technique on the weekends or with my friends.
I am a full fledged adult. My alarm goes off at 6:00 AM for my 8:00 job. Nothing good happens at 4:30 in the morning. This kid needs to start reaching out to friends so they know who has a sofa or spare room to crash in when the home situation becomes untenable. Because it will.
Well, I'm a night owl, I like 4:30, it's a good time to go to bed. But if you are 18 and generally on time to school I don't see what business of hers it is to wake you earlier than you'd like. (Or at all, unless you ask her to!)
Load More Replies... Ya 18 I say it's time to move tf out ya an adult n she can't do a f****n thing bout it. Leave her to wonder wtf n one day wake her up at 2am with extremely loud music n see how she likes it n then taking ya door off. That's a horrible b***h n I'd not wish that be my mother I'd not put up with her bs nor does she own u or ya life.
I'm amazed how disrespectful kids are to their parents and get away with it now. I read the comments, and people said her mom is crazy, torturing her, psychotic... ABUSIVE?! LOL. I personally believe there is more to the story - ie she doesn't finish her homework at night, has unfinished chores (do parents even make their kids do those anymore?), Etc. Bottom line: it's her house. If you don't like the rules, move out and pay your own bills. Don't sit there and order a shamrock shake (from a restaurant created by a boomer) while complaining on your iPhone (invented by a boomer) paid for by your (boomer) mom about how rough your life is. Which btw I am a millennial by age, Gen x by heart and have total respect for my boomer parents. You all need a wake up call.
CHILDREN: You know what, I really hope that one day your own children blast you online as bad as you all are roasting this person's mom. Fact: it's your mom's house, if you don't like her rules, then move out. The idea that is being tossed around on here- that this poor mom is "abusive" or "psychotic" -is not just extremism, but it's absolutely pathetic, AND IT STEALS THE SPOTLIGHT FROM REAL VICTIMS OF ABUSE. Some really not-cool pandas. And for those of you with limited knowledge of criminal law, if this girl alters her mom's house without consent, she is committing a crime- "criminal destruction of property" I was kicked out of my mom's house when I turned 17 for simply telling my mom that I was tired of sneaking out at night, and if something happened to me I at least wanted her to know where I was at and who I was with. That is not abuse, that is my mom laying down firm rules of the house that she believes in, and REGARDLESS of how it made me feel at the time;
Simple solution…. MOVE OUT ON YOUR OWN. Your 18 and a adult…. then be one
6am wake up alarm means this teen hits snooze a few times then barely makes it to class awake to learn anything.
The mom is correct in teaching them to wake up earlier. Waking a 6 to start a class of education at 715 isn't enough time to get awake alert, shower, eat breakfast, and be ready to learn when they get there. I'm guessing this teen stays up til 2am watching videos or texting. Go to bed earlier and get up at 430an, make your bed, shower, get ready, eat, and by 715 you want be dragging your lazy butt in at 725 late and ready to lay your head down to go back to sleep. Getting up and making a point to be ready and alert at 715 will actually make your whole day go by easier and you will actually feel like you accomplished something.
I start TEACHING at 7:15 - I wake up at 6:30. 6 is plenty early for a teen.
Load More Replies... It's very confusing when you use "they" instead of "he" or "she." Just go ahead and use one or the other. I'm sure the OP won't mind if you get it wrong.
It isn't confusing at all. It's respectful when the gender of the person is unknown. You already do it all the time without realising it. If you were leaving the cinema and saw a coat in a chair you would say "someone forgot THEIR coat." It's perfectly natural. And yes, OP likely would mind if they were misgendered. Especially if they struggle with gender dysphoria.
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Not one person on the comments section asked what time this 18yr old "adult" is going to bed? Is their Mother trying to teach them s lesson about staying up all night f*****g around online instead of going to sleep? The article said this could be construed as a violation of privacy of they took away the door. What privacy? You live in their house you live by their f****n rules. You don't like it? Then get the f**k out!!
Seriously?! A parent doesn't have the right to be abusive just because it's thier house.
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It's b******t that the mum wakes the kid up at 430 but seriously who the f**k is crying at 18 because they get woken up?
who is "they"? there's only one teenager that's the subject of this article.
Found the person that doesn't understand basic grammar.
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This mom is a psycho. The teen is being perfectly responsible getting up at 6 to make sure they have time to get ready for school and make it there. No one should be up at 4:30 AM unless it's for something like work or a flight.
I agree. This is abuse plain & simple. My mother used to do s**t like that all the time.
Load More Replies... Normal parents don't even threaten to remove a bedroom door. That is a serious breach of privacy, not to be taken lightly.
This is when you start walking around naked. No door no clothes. I feel as though that's a fair exchange.
Load More Replies... What on earth is the point of schools starting at such an ungodly hour? My kids would be zombies - they're bad enough getting up at 8am to get to school for 9. I usually don't get to sleep until 3/4am - I am never getting up at 4.30am unless there's a flight to catch
Scotland. That explains it. US schools are ungodly early mostly because our work schedules also are and we need to get them to school before work
Load More Replies... Let me tell you about my life growing up. I was raised by my extremely abusive grandmother and even if I did nothing wrong she loved to talk to me like I was dirt or beat me. She also would force me to stay up for days on end. If I nodded off I got beaten awake. By 13 I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia. Sleep deprivation is considered torture and it's one of the only sleep disorders that they can't do much for than prescribe medication. I'm 51 and regardless if I have been up days or even weeks at a time I can't go to sleep without really strong meds. Also because of this I am such a light sleeper. I can sense if someone enters my bedroom and I'm wide awake and can't go back to sleep. Your mother is a horrible person and I would love to see how she felt if she was forced to wake up an hour and a half earlier than she needed to or if she was forced to stay awake for an hour and a half later than she is ready to sleep. Messing with someone's sleep patterns can have lifelong effects.
My mother used to wake me early just because. I inscribed a Bible verse and hung it on my door: "Whosoever wakes his neighbor with a loud voice in the early morning, a curse will be laid to his charge." She quit doing it.
Obviously, the mother does, but to what end? Maybe she wakes up, can't get back to sleep, and decides that misery loves company. She sounds sadistic.
Load More Replies... I have a better idea. Wake up at 4h30 as she wants, but you can tur her life a living hell until 6 😄 You should consider learning a new instrument, for example. A big one. Like drums 🤭
NTA. Why is she so obsessed about this? At your age it's normal to need more sleep. It's not until mid-20's that my sleep regulated itself. I woke up at 5:30 for over 20 years because my job required it (I started work between 7-7:30 depending on appt and meetings. I couldn't do that at 18. Mom's a psycho.
I was in the service, and during boot camp, we were woken every day at 0430. It was hell, as it was supposed to be. It also served to get us used to waking up at odd hours. Once I was at my unit, we stood 4 hr watches, waking up at 0330 to stand a 0400-0800 watch. So yeah, getting used to odd hours can help, but if it is not necessary, then it's just torture. If your job schedule requires it, you will get used to getting up when you have to, but there is no reason to do it now. NTA
Load More Replies... They could talk to a school counselor and ask them to talk to the mom. Mom sounds almost manic about this. Teens need a great deal of sleep. She's depriving the OP of it.
A control freak, as some people call them, goes ballistic over ANYTHING not under their control, including missed appts, AND anything that COULD be an out-of-order issue. They create their own havoc. This mom is a slave to rage and takes it out on her daughter, disregarding completely the girl's fear, exhaustion, and deteriorating mental, physical and emotional health. Factor in her useless dad, and see clearly she won't get better unless she assertively seeks help from a party responsible for adult/teen welfare who can start protecting her from abusive family members. This includes her dad. It's nice she appoints herself the self-sacrificing whipping post taking care of him, but he's a big boy and needs to get involved with his role and duties as a grown up with a child in an abuse environment. My gut feeling is she's tried to get him involved to help her, and he is just a selfish person without CONSCIENCE towards using his daughter's abandonment fears as his excuse to not get messy
Load More Replies... Dude that's what I'm saying, almost every comment I make highlighting how cruel everyone's being to this kids mom it gets taken down. I thought it was part of growing up- when you decide you're done with your parents rules, find your own place and make your own rules. Don't humiliate your mom to hundreds of thousands of strangers.
Load More Replies... 4:30 is the middle of the night. The woman is off her rocker.
Mom is nuts. She has a screw loose someplace. Tell her you want to see a therapist to get help for some personal issues that you can't share with her. Then the therapist can talk to mom, and make her see that SHE is the problem. No normal American gets up that early just for the fun of it...usually only because they HAVE to! Teens just don't go to bed before 10!! It's like they come alive after 7 PM, and don't want to miss out on "life".. And waking up before 6 is just torture. I am 70, and I am STILL a night owl. Getting up early just doesn't work. My body is a total mess for the WHOLE day if I'm up too early. I just cannot function correctly. I make all appointments for the afternoons, I always had a job that didn't start before 8 or 9 AM. (Except as a mom, up at 7 to get my boys off to catch the bus.) Mom needs to understand the circadian rythmn is a REAL thing...not just an idea. She is basically setting her daughter up for failure. And causing her to have a frustrating future.
Quicker with less expense would be to call the pediatrician. (Not that there's any guarantee she'll listen to anyone.)
Load More Replies... This may sound weird because your mother is way too young for stuff like Alzheimer,s but one of the first warning signs is extreme anxiety over the possibility of missing an appointment, being late for work, etc. My father used to stand outside for an hour in below-freezing temperatures waiting for his adapted transport ride for a doctor's appointment. Try contacting a social worker, who will be familiar with this issue.
Nah the mom explains why and it's not anxiety, it's "trying to make you an early bird" - it's about control and manipulation nothing else. Surgery patterning for many many reasons including how teenagers biologically work.
Load More Replies... Ya know, if she takes away your door…well… April fools day is coming up and why don’t we see how she likes it 😏😝
Adults get up at 4:30? Uh, sure. No, adults get up at whatever time is appropriate for them and their schedule. You may find yourself one day needing to do so but if you don't, sleep while you can! It's more important to get actual sleep, it helps you be more productive in the long run. And to say "cut off communication for that long?" That's messed up. You get to sleep!
Exactly! This sounds more like it's about the mother's needs than the daughter's, with that whole "disrespectful for cutting off communication for too long" when she finally locked her door.
Load More Replies... My daughter would have killed me if I tried this crap on her. Her senior year she hardly went to 1st period, her reasoning that was her last year as a kid and she was going to enjoy it bc she knew being adult came with less freedom. Now she had a full time job & is in school. She's even in management already at 24 years old.
GOOD JOB, MOM. Your respect and love for your daughter, and your humble pride for your part in her successes sounds so rewarding for you both. CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU BOTH!!
Load More Replies... I don't do mornings. Earliest I like to wake up is 11am. Luckily I am medically retired but I live in a building full of older people who think it's perfectly normal to get up at 5am and go to sleep at 7pm. I don't mind too much except when they have very loud conversations right outside my bedroom window. I did my fair share of early mornings working 12-hour shifts and night shifts; I am more of a night owl anyway and always have been. I usually go to bed about 2 a.m..
Sleep deprivation is a literal torture method, what the f**k is wrong with her??
NTA. Can't say the same for mom. The true issue is mom needs intense therapy who can work through her obvious RAGE she seemingly still holds for the father for escaping her torment, as is now, tragically, the daughter's cross to bear. Where's dad in all this?? He has responsibilities to his child and those include her health, welfare and environment. Maybe dad can become, with therapy, more responsible a parent and quit making his child parent HIM by protecting him from problems--and get some serious counseling about WHY DAUGHTER is "parenting" him, PROTECTING HIM FROM mom's24/7 sheer WRATH AND RAGE!! SO MUCH this OP has to be uncertain of...is her future dream college and will mom help? How will she survive if kicked to the street for standing up for herself against the controller? She has alot to worry about if she pokes at the tiger. I can guarantee ONE THING...if this girl falls asleep in class, and teacher is told why, Child Services will take over. Both parents will be in it
Yeah- my suggestion would be to start asking your mother to have your dinner ready by 4pm each day- as you need to be in bed by 7-8pm in order to get your required 8 hours of sleep- then yes- wake her up at 2am too lol- after all - you're the really bird now- and u just want to rain HER to be an early riser trike YOU!- see how she likes it!- but then I'm an adult and in control of my own life, so this is probably just my passive aggressive fantasy and wouldn't actually work! Lol
My high school kiddo has to be to school for 7:30am, I won't even bother her until 6:30am- because she asked me to. If your kids gets up and to school on time what the heck is the problem?! It's not like you're gonna follow them to college where I guarantee you they're gonna sleep until 10 minutes before class starts.
tell the school. They need to know you have this stressor in your life. May even help you navigate it.
Most teens are night owls, waking them up at 6 or even 4:30 absolutely wrecks their system. Imagine being jet lagged all the time, that's how it feels.
And they require 8-10 hours of sleep! This person would have to go to bed between 630-830pm to get enough sleep...which is ridiculous.
Load More Replies... This is abuse. Tell your dad, get him involved, maybe see if you can stay with him instead while you finish your last year of high school? Be malicious back, wake her up every hour on the hour while she's sleeping. Blast airhorns, turn your music up super loud, steal every one of her left shoes, when she puts laundry in the dryer, take it out and soak it and put it back in the dryer without turning the dryer on, do whatever you can to gaslight this bitc* back into thinking she's a nutcase. Tit for tat. Don't let anyone screw with your wellbeing, including your relatives. After high school i'd go to college in another state to get away from her, come to NM, it's cheap for college here compared to other States. Best of luck to you!
This mother is a narcissist. I know because my mother is one. For one, they thrive on making you do things the hard way. The post mentioned the mother says she is preparing them for adulthood. My mother made me cook and clean the house, shop for meals and everything else at 16 because she says she was preparing me to be a wife, as it that is all women are capable of. The fact that the mother got extremely and felt disrespected because you set a boundary is another indicator, narcissist can't stand boundaries and rarely respect them. My mother never knocked once while I was in my room and threatened to take my door plenty even though I never did anything worthy of that mistrust. Another thing is the mother saying every adult wakes up this early, narcissists believe everyone thinks the same way they do, so if she wakes up that early the whole world does and if her kids don't something is wrong with them. Educating themselves on Narcissism will help alot going forward.
Agreed! This mother is very suspect to me. Especially with the emotional manipulative line about it being "disrespectful to not communicate for so long"once they set the boundary by locking the door. WTF?!! You can't let them have that hour and a half more UNDISTURBED? Sounds like some MALIGNANT, covert narcissistic sh¡+ disguised as just a loving parent wanting their young adult child to be successful in their future work endeavors.
Load More Replies... I don't see any mention of a military background here, but when I was in Basic Training (US Army), 0430 hours was when we began our day. (On Sundays we could "sleep in" -- till 0500 hours!) Now, the reason the military does this is to make the recruits easier to "brainwash". I use that term facetiously. Mostly. Every military in the world does this, as far as I know. Cults also use sleep deprivation to facilitate indoctrination. I wonder if the mom read about this somewhere and decided to put it into practice, to see if she could mold her kid into obedience, while trying to hide behind the whole "instilling good habits" excuse. This really is abusive, since the school is so close. It can't be good for OP's academic performance.
Exactly!!! This bullsh¡+ is psychological, emotional, physical, etc. WARFARE. This is the type of stuff a covert narcissist would do. Your mention of militaries & cults using these practices are so true. Hell !--- even churches, and other religious congregations, fraternities/sororities, etc. can be extremely cult-like in these ways.
Load More Replies... My mom, for no reason wakes the whole house by unloading dishwasher at 3:30. She falls asleep at 8pm and when she wakes up freaking early, she probably decides to torture us by noise. I live 16 years by myself, but whenewer I came for a visit, she was doing it. I think, she hates my father, or I don't know...
I'm NOT EVER going to be an early riser. Some are, some aren't. Period. Mom needs to get a clue. You need to get sleep.
If that was my mother I wouldn't have put up with that this long. She touches me I kick as hard as I can. She removes my door I buy plywood and a screw gun and make my own wall, I'll leave through the window.
When I was a teenager my mom put deadbolts on the front and back doors, the kind where a key is needed both outside and inside. She would lock them and keep the key. I was not a crazy, misbehaving teen, she was just a control freak. One night we had an argument and I went out a second story window to go talk to a friend. The second I graduated I moved 3,000 miles away. Some people shouldn't have kids.
Load More Replies... My mom did this to my brother, but that’s because he wouldn’t get out of bed for school. The good thing is that it didn’t start at 4:30. I now get up between 4-5am because I manage a bakery and have to be there no later than 6. Even though I’m used to getting up early, I will sleep half a day on my days off if I don’t have anything to do.
I used to work 3rd shift all the time because that extra pay was so nice and it fit my life better at the time. I GOT HOME at 4:30am. My cousin and best friend who was a nurse in the ER at that time who started work at 5am. We would talk to each other every day as I was leaving work and she was about to go to work. Every person has a different schedule to fit their needs. OPs mom must be seriously disconnected from reality.
I think I've seen studies in the past that show that school for teenagers should start later and that they likely need more sleep than 8 hours a day. Also, in the case of OP. She's 18. Shouldn't the mother have been allowing OP to grow up and take responsibility for getting themselves to school on time? I don't recall when my parents stopped waking me up for school, unless they noticed I overslept, when I as in junior high. By the time I was in high school it was also up to me when my bedtime was. If I was tired for school then it was my own fault.
Can confirmed. Studied adolescent psychology. They require 8-10 hours depending on the person and their brains literally can't function properly in the morning. School should not start until 9am at the absolute earliest, but ideally late morning. This isn't just teenagers...the period of adolescent development continues into the early 20s. So universities should also follow this schedule, and employers should be flexible with schedules also. (That one is also because some people are legitimately night owls. Scientifically. And shouldn't be forced to live on a 9-5 schedule.)
Load More Replies... I sometimes have to wake up at 4:30 because work start early, but I would never wake up if I didn't need to.This mom is being borderline abusive and weird. Waking someone too early doesn't make them early bird, it makes them sleep deprived.
She would hate me lol I'm a full blown grown ass woman and I wake up at 6:30am every morning to leave for work at 6:45. F**k this "be a morning person" b******t. I have it down to a science. I also don't consider myself fully awake until around 9am maybe even 10am and I'm already well into my work day. Mom needs a xanax and a long nap.
I just love that this person got so much support online. Definitely NTA!! His mom is a jerk.
NTA the mother is controlling and it’s only going to get worse unless you can find way to end it, like tell your father.
I'm not sure what the fuss is all about , I got up early af to go to football practice ,come home get ready help my mom get my younger siblings ready and off to school then off I went then practice after school then work and repeat everyday for years and I'm not even close to as pissed as all these people who are complaining in the comments lol life's hard and you deal with it!! Atleast that's what I have learned
Omg after seeing these comments no wonder our country is failing. Kick her out at 18 if she won't follow house rules . People are so insane , all this just life. This tory like is like the other report on manager giving teen paper at job about life everyone. Our pussy society is failing. No one is going to care about feelings in real world and responsibility and rules have to be followed whether you like it or not. I have no time or care for these cry babies. It's no wonder everyone gets offended by everyone and everything. The comments only make me see that there are so many psycho people. The world isn't a safe space and if she knows she has to get up early then plan for it sleep early whatever. I retired at 32 and in 30s still and have teenagers and worked hard and did everything on own. Glad I'm raising kids who aren't like this. Oh yeah and I took thier doors too. It's my house and rules and they understand that and if they choose different in thier own home its own business.
I completely agree. If you don't like it, MOVE! DHS defines basic human needs is a roof over your head, food in the home and clothes on your back. My daughter WANTED to get a job at 16 to buy her own things. Never was disrespectful to me, always did what she said she was going to do. She is 27 now and just moved out 2 years ago..... saved enough money to purchase he own home. She followed MY house rules while she lived under MY roof. 27 and very successful with going to a trade school. Getting places in life calls for sacrifice and she sacrificed a lot on her own (sleep, time with friends, etc.). It's not the parents responsibility (after 18) to cook their meals, clean the house by themselves or to provide "extras". People are too soft now a days. If you don't like where your at, it's your responsibility to change it and at 18, you have that power! Go someplace else!
Load More Replies... "anyone can write on bored panda" easy enough when all you do is regurgitate reddit posts
Sounds like this poor, abused kid might wanna flip through "Understanding the Borderline Mother" by Christine Ann Lawson. Just to see if they recognize a lot of behaviors. Sure looks like BPD to me! Tbf, I have a Borderline mother & it's sometimes too easy for me to see it in ANY weird behaviors. Flipping thru a book would let them know, for sure. Either way, this ISN'T normal.
I am an adult. I got up 11:30am. My bills are paid, I have a house, and haven't been in jail. What standard are were using for successful?
I had the reverse situation. I used to have to wake my mother at 5 to get me to gymnastics training at school. But she did so begrudgingly.
NTA. Talk to your school principle about it. Explain the situation and ask if he/she will talk to your mom with scientific stuff about sleep deprivation, brain development and school performances. That wil "wake her up". Good luck!
I don't know where we went wrong. There may be 2 generations of pointless humans on the lose now. So much regret in the older generations, we shouldn't have allowed this to happen.
One time I was up at 2am but that's because we had to get to the school and hour and a half before the bus to Muskoka was set to leave. That moms a psycho. Ps: Muskoka is a 6 hour drive from us.
I have to work at 6, and I don't even get up until 5, why on earth would you ever need to be up that early, that's not even early, that's the middle of the night
Getting up earlier, shower, make your bed, eat and be fully awake and ready for the day by 630am is exactly what she should be teaching this teen.
Mom is being hyper controlling and probably harming her son: 1. People's circadian rhythms don't really change. People can make themselves sleep and wake to a schedule that isn't natural to them, but they never physically adjust. 2. All adults don't get up super early. I'm 58 and still am a night owl (I've been working from home, so I am always in work status on time. It will be a struggle to return to having a one-hour commute.) 3. Additionally, I've read that teenagers need more sleep than adults do. 4. Once a teen is in high school, getting up in time to get to school on time should be the teenager's responsibility. It helps them get ready to live apart from a parent or parents. As long as he gets to school on time, his mother should leave him alone.
That birther is a control-freak c8nty jackhole who needs a really hard reality-kick to the face. She is PSYCHO. And why haven't they told their dad this already? Why is this person letting that btch get away with that level of control-freakery? Sounds like the birther wants the kid to leave the house.
This teen shouldn't stand for that. They should get a job and move out, that will teach the mom a lesson.
Geographical closeness is not the issue here. The issue is no matter where this child goes or what she tries to do with her life, her mother will destroy her "all in the name of doing it for her own good". This daughter has NO ONE and is unable to cope with this extreme relentless sadistic abuse from the person who should be making her daughter feel safe and secure and loved. Daughter needs a team of protectors on many levels to survive this trauma. A sound spa machine with brooks, rain, pink and white noise, with intense therapy could help her survive this nightmare. I am very concerned for her current state of mind and her fatigue-saturated reasoning for the solution she might select thinking she has no choices or opportunities to thrive. Very worried.
Load More Replies... Your mom is a psycho. Not everyone walks the same road and you can't force someone into a mold that they don't fit in. I am not a morning person. Between 3 and 5 PM, my brain will click on and override the fatigue from being up too early and I'm ready to work. Too bad it's almost time to leave work! I would fill my briefcase up and do it all from home. Your mom needs some serious help. I'm 61 and I've never known anyone needing to be up at 4:30 just to get ready for work that probably wont start until 8...unless they were shift workers or circus clowns as i imagine it would take a lot of time to put that make up on. What did she do for a living that she needed so much prep time? Are you sure she just doesn't want you out of the house for some reason? Once you're gone to school does she scurry back to her bed to continue to sleep? Stick to your guns and your own circadian rhythm. Don't fight your body's needs.
So yes, mom is abusive and wrong yadda yadda. But is anyone else seeing this as a red flag that the mom has suddenly developed a psychological problem? OP makes it sound like this behavior only started recently. I'm wondering if mom has had other changes in behavior, like her energy levels, memory, etc. Sure, this kind of psycho abuse can be a part of how mom has always been, but if it's new and comes with new symptoms, she could have a new mental illness, like schizophrenia, depression with psychosis, or Alzheimer's. I can't make a diagnosis, of course. I just really think OP needs to convince someone mom trusts to get her evaluated by a psychologist if this sort of thing is new. Calling an aunt, uncle, or grandparent with concerns about Alzheimer's is a good way to start.
I agree the author should be able to wake up whenever they please... in their own house... where they pay the bills. Since that isn't the case, it might be advantageous to negotiate with the head of household. Since 6am is the goal, ask mom what she wants in return? Earlier bedtime? More help around the house? Improved grades? Instead of making life at home more difficult, work together to make life easier. Stop making a mountain out of a molehill.
Me, also lives 5 minutes away frim school(by car), also wakes up at around 4:30(not forced to wake up at that time tho), school starts at 7:05. Also me, arrives late to school
There's more to this story, I'm sure. If the kid has a habit of oversleeping, I can see why mom would lose it. However, getting her up at 4:30 is insane. NTA for locking the door. Hate to say it, but the kid has the right to set boundaries. She tried to be reasonable, ask nicely, etc... so, last resort, make demands. Which, they did.
My daughter slept through the night from day one and oftentimes I had to wake her up after eight hours to feed her and she would go back to sleep while still nursing. I never had to tell her to go to bed. If sleeping was an Olympic sport she would be a gold medalist every four years. Most times when she got off of school she did her homework,ate and was in bed by 5:00pm and was still tired when she had to get up for school. On weekends and holidays it was routine for her to sleep 18 hours use the bathroom and eat and back to bed. It never changed no matter how old she was. But I always let her sleep as much as she wanted to. My son liked to stay up all night and sleep all day but unfortunately he has been an insomniac since he was in middle school. My daughter has one son and he also likes to sleep. My poor son still has insomnia and his son sleeps normally. My four year old tells me he is ready to go to bed by 9:30pm at the latest and gets up about 10:00am.
Such excessive sleep requirements may indicate an hereditary sleep disturbance. Check it out
Load More Replies... Been getting myself up for school since 4th grade. Why does the mom need to do this?
SHE DOESN'T. She LIKES it. Dad split. Daughter's left alone. Mom needs to be away from daughter for her child's health. Who will she be waking up if she causes this child's death??
Load More Replies... I agree with everyone’s comments about it being abusive. While it’s not an excuse for the mother’s behaviour (since as an adult it’s her responsibility to get help for it to minimize the impact on other people) it sounds like the mom has a mental illness that would make her feel like she needs to control things. Something like OCD. It isn’t just excessive hand washing that people obsess over, it can be time, bugs, fingernail length, etc. and not having control causes incredible anxiety and discomfort and further, irrational fixation. That does not in any way explain or excuse threats such as removing the door. It is the mother’s problem that she’s unnecessarily forcing into her daughter causing her daughter pain and suffering and seeing her regularly crying over it, she’s well aware of the impact.
I disagree the mother is aware of the impact she has the sadistic need to cause her daughter. She cannot relate to her child as a parent and shows VERY DARK EMPATHY for this child's obvious, escalating, serious suffering. WHAT'S NEXT??
Load More Replies... I got up with my husband at 4:30 for many years because he had to be at work by 6:00. However that was my Choice. I liked being with him before he left and talking to him while he ate breakfast even though I didn't have to be at work until 9. That mother is just a jerk.
American schedules are crazy! School in most countries in Europe don't start until 9am. Maybe 8am for the oldest kids (16 years old or so...)
Nah My dad took my door several times because my sister(who I shared a room with) wouldn't do her chores. It was a huge invasion of privacy considering we also lived with 6 of our brothers. It already sucked sharing a room with her to begin with cause she was a slob not to mention the age difference(I was 17 and she was 12) but one of my older brothers felt that he was allowed in the room whenever he wanted because it was his room back when he was around 7, he was 23 at the time
My mother used to take my phone and wake me up at 4 to "prepare me for the real world". That stopped after I set alarms to go off every 5 minutes from 12am to 3am. I was a petty boy and am now a petty man
That school is psycho too if they force their students to start school at 7.15 am. Studies show that even 8.15 am would be to early for teenagers/young adults.
WTF? Most adults don't get up at 4:30 am! That's practically still the middle of the night. I don't start work until 9 and I do just fine getting up at 8 - it doesn't affect my ability to adult. And you can't "condition" someone - especially a teenager. That's not how it works. Mom sounds like she needs professional help.
Someone said blast an air horn! lol That would also wake her Dad but maybe he needs it if he allows his wife to continue this behavior. I worked in a school and needed to be there by 7:15, 7:30 the latest plus I had to wake my son but I still didn't get out of bed unti 6 a.m. Sometimes the school called me in to come in on an unscheduled day at 6:30 a.m. and I was still showered, dressed, and out the door by 7:15 the latest. My son was old enough to get himself up and out the door by then. She didn't mention her DAd so I don't know if he lived there but she should talk with him and ask him to run interference. Plus this girl IS 18!!!! She's old enough to decide for herself when she's going to get out of bed. If she's late a few times, she'll learn. The only time I got up before 6 in the morning was when I used to go crabbing with my Dad in the summer when I was a kid.
Abusive psycho b***h from hell. Mom needs help acting like it's a military program get a f****n life. I'd have moved tf out n not told em n leave em dead worried. How would she like to be abused n forced against her will maybe psycho b***h mom needs that treatment to recognize her f****d up ways
I'm a night owl in a family of early birds. My parents, while not crazy that I stayed up late, didn't wake me up at some crazy early hour, and on weekends let me sleep a bit later. Forcing someone to be an early bird is sheer torture for those of us with late-night tendencies. I went to a school that started early, like the OP's. It was in the Sacramento, CA area and had no A/C. I was told it was set up that way so that during warmer hours, we'd be out of school before it got too hot. I still hated it.
My mom was like this but for a way less logical reason. On days when I could sleep in, she would open the door as if the swat team were making an entry, and bang on the walls as if they had infiltrated with flash bangs. Drill instructors had nothing on her. If I got up earlier than she would, I could hear her feet hit the floor and her running to turn on her shower before mine, so she would not be spared hot water. I started taking showers at school, getting there by 0500, working out, then getting breakfast while doing homework. She was ridiculous and nasty and I never knew why. On weekends she said it was because on Saturday I had to do the chores and on Sunday it was for church. Church started at 1000. Later in life o Easter of all occasions, she came to visit me as I lived in another city, and instead of waking early to go to church, she plastered her butt in a casino chair. It has been a lifetime of psycho about a lot of things, but mostly when it comes to sleep.
I do NOT understand. To me 4:30 is the middle of the night. Is this a REAL post?? Assuming it is: At what hour does this girl go to bed?? Maybe simply accustom herself to going to bed one and a half hours earlier than she is now going to bed. I understand that in most of the USA, a person becomes an adult at 18. She has the right to leave home and maybe should remind her Mum.
OMG. You're 18. As long as you get to school on time there is no reason to get up any earlier. Also, your mother needs to learn that she needs to respect your privacy. She needs to be more respectful to you. My mother was crazy strict when I was in high school, but even she respected my privacy and the fact that I had an alarm clock.
I am 42 years old, so very much an adult. I don't get up at 4:30am. In fact, I am, like others here, a night owl. I work second shift. I'm most active at night. It's when I do my best thinking. I've always been that way. Hèll, 4:30am is just about my bedtime, LOL! And there's nothing wrong with that. That said, at 18, OP is an adult themselves. They are well past the age Mommy should be waking them up every day. She needs to cut the apron strings. At some point, every kid has to learn to do for themselves. Sink or swim. Even if they make mistakes. Making mistakes is how we learn. She needs to let them wake themselves up. Whenever that might be. As long as they're getting up for school/work on time, and having no problems therein, leave them the hèll alone.
Wake up shower and have a coffee with your mom and help with dishes etc. Make the best of it. Go to bed early. Alternatively consider finding a new place to live.
At 18, she is too old for child services to be call for removing the bedroom door, but Fire departments and/or fire Marshalls would probably step in if it was reported to them. Where I live, in order for a room to be classified as a bedroom, it has to have an egress (window or door) to the outside, and a bedroom door.
I would absolutely lose the last bit of sanity i have left if my mom did this. There isn't alot left, but i would still lose it
I pray all of you become parents. This is from a CHILDS perspective, what's the mom have to say about all of this
They should be happier their mother freaking cares! Yes it's distressful. Do you pay bills, but food, wash the families laundry. When she's washing you does she spend time with you or is she just being you for being slow or incompetent? Is not, THANK GOD YOU HAVE A F*****G MOTHER! f*****g kids all they do is whiny and complain about how hard life is. What time do you think she wakes up of SHE'S washing your ungrateful begind up? I have to take my method kids to school because get mom is hardly every up on time. She's always late. Be happy you're mom had her shot enough together with ALL SHE GOES THROUGH FOR YOU. Kids are selfish. I work I had a f*****g mom
Although I see no problem with OP getting up at 6 AM, maybe have a talk with mom that you are willing to compromise by getting up 15 - 30 minutes earlier. Make sure she understands that that time is the most the OP is willing to get up. Don’t let her get away with any earlier. Let her know that OP is considering moving out to be the consequences of mom failing to stick to the compromise.
this mom is crazy the teen have is been responsible for getting up at 6 to make it to school the teen school is just 5 mins away
Fr. Your mom is a nut job. Get a job and move out. That's just abusive, controlling, and manipulative for no reason.
Sleep deprivation wrecks havoc on your physical and mental health. The kid is still in a kid, he needs his sleep now more than ever. His mother's behavior is frankly, abusive, because she's knowingly and intentionally negatively impacting his mental health, without and legitimate justification. Whatever excuses she makes, she knows what she is doing, and it's abuse. The fact she immediately threatened to take away his door for an extra hour and a half of sleep is just more evidence of her being controlling and abusive. The kid didn't want to tell his father for fear of causing arguments, and I would say that's just the icing on the cake and let's us know there have been a lot more issues than just waking up at a reasonable hour.
Get up an hour before she does do that for a week wake her up when you get up and see how that goes
Who allowed this to be posted? This is not news worthy. Its parenting and everyone has their own way and in no way is this abuse by the mom so why are you making it out like it is? What happened to people?? I'm so embarrassed by what people have become.
Start setting your alarm for random hours through out the night and do the same to her. Flash her lights at 1a on Monday. Let the hyper puppy in her room at 2a on Tuesday. Pull all her covers off her bed at 3a in Wednesday. Make her life the same Hell she has you in. If she keeps it up. Set your alarm for 4:25a and wait at your door. When she arrives to wake you, scream at her, "STOP WAKING ME UP!" Right up to her nose so loud that spit flies out of your mouth and slam the door in her face. Complain to your counselor at school. Have them Pull her in and inconvenience her during the day and explain how damaging sleep deprivation is. If she keys on, tell your dad EVERY TIME. Make him her in her a*s.
Although I agree that your mother shouldn't be waking you up at 430 the is no leagle standing for you to have a lock on a door in a house you dont own or rent. It's you mothers place so she can remove doors as she wishes although your 18 you li e under her roof. Sound like you and your mother need some 3rd party counciling to discuss these issues or move out.
That mom is crazy. If I'm a mom, i will wake up my daughter on reasonable time. But not that early. plus, she's doing the same thing her parents did to her to her daughter now.
i feel so privileged that i'm disabled and can sleep whenever i want for as long as i want. that being said, i don't have any regular time i go to bed or get up. my mom is on the same non-schedule as me. i shoot for 10 hours minimum, and my record for unbroken sleep (meaning i wasn't awake for an hour in the middle somewhere) is 22 hours. sleep is so important, and anyone who willfully deprives someone of it is definitely TA.
Honestly this can be qualified as torture, we have to get the right amount of sleep for day, also my grandma tried this s**t with me, but you know what? I work at night like 5pm to midnight! Now ask me if I have any problems? Hell no! I'll never be a early bird..... And I know that I have a plethora of jobs I can do at night....
"Mom was so mad that she threatened to take the door away, which could be considered a violation of privacy".....REALLY? Is that like a LEGAL analysis by some rando BP story poster? Because I can assure you: parents are within their legal rights to remove a door on their adult child's bedroom. Doesn't mean they SHOULD, tho. And this mother is so ignorant, it's scary. A teen's circadian rhythm is so off due to puberty & developmental progression that most don't even begin getting tired until 10 or 11 pm. In fact, the only reason high school always started so early is because, decades ago, teen children were needed to help with the family farm & caring for younger children, so they went to school early and came home early. But this is before their circadian variation was understood. Making a teen get up at 0430 does nothing but severely sleep deprives them & makes them MUCH MORE PRONE TO SEVERE DEPRESSION, & IMPULSIVITY (due to impact on the amygdala). LET TEENS SLEEP IN!
The mom is TA because what she is doing is trying to control her daughter. And the fact when daughter took that power she threatened to take the door. This woman is abusive.
That's so disrespectful of her. I am also a mother of an 18yr old high schooler and it's his responsibility to make sure he is up on time for school. His bedroom door and the mess it hides are his responsibility and if his door is closed, it means he would like privacy. If my door is closed he knocks. It's mutual respect.
my dad did this s**t, too. i'm still suffering from it and now my brother (who i live with again atm) is starting the same bs. if he pulls it again like he did, say, just yesterday, then he's gonna get an essay as to wuy he should leave me, also an adult, tf alone. ^u^
... my mom woke me up every morning at 3:30 am... .. didn't know this was considered abuse, no wonder my body can't seem to understand what sleep is, im half night owl some days others just a permanently exhausted pigeon, sometimes i go to bed at 9 pm and don't wake up until like 4 pm the next day, other times i go to bed at like 5 pm and wake up at 10 pm and my body just won't let me sleep... another thing to add to the mountain of abuse my mother did to me... also school didn't start for me until 8:45 and my mom would drop me off at like 6 am... when the building was closed. She didn't even have anywhere to be because her job started at noon and this was happening from kindergarten onwards...
Are we talking about several high schoolers here? Or just one?
Mom is doing it on purpose so you complain to dad and make HIM initiate contact. Negative attention is better than no attention at all. Plus, subconsciously... it's HIM coming to HER, not the other way around. My mom was a narcissist, I sea what she was doing clearly, and right away. Especially the passive aggressive tactics she used. So many tactics to wake the child up, shows how much she turns over and over in her head the planned upcoming interaction with the other parent.
I had a shift that required me to wake at 4:30 and I will never do it again. Even Dolly Parton sings about NINE to FIVE. Also the sun ain't up at that time, ever, so early bird MY ASS. I was the night owl up at that hour to make coffee for the actual Early birds & it's not a normal working schedule.
Poor thing. Doesn't seem like your mom is gonna listen to you. My advice is to ask for family counseling especially if you have younger siblings because this type of behavior will likely get worse as it goes unchecked. Disturbed sleep can negatively affect your cortisol levels and really screw with your health, mentally and physically.. It's true some parents are doing far worse to their children but I think we're trying to respond to you so that you at least know that it's not "normal" for her to disregard you to that extent.
I hate to say it but I grew up in a farming community most kids were up at 5:00 in the morning to do chores finish up their homework or do their extra curricular activities before school. That being said they're usually in bed by 10:00 p.m. if not earlier because they knew they had to get up early the next morning to get their chores done. Me I've always worked 12-hour shifts ever since I was 20 years old and being a volunteer firefighter you basically sleep when you can. So if you can get 8 hours sleep going to bed at 8:00 and getting up at 4:00 that's fine! Even in high school in a Catholic school we started at 8:15 in the morning and went till 3:15 in the afternoon and then extracurricular activities either before school and or after school. I'm also from a military family so 5:00 in the morning is nothing. In the military you could have more done before 8:00 a.m. than most people do all day. I'm just saying whatever works
What a controlling biotch. No adult gets up at 4:30 am UNLESS THEY HAVE TO. My former Mother-In-Law did, but she LIKED to, &/or, it's just how her body functioned. She would have been pissed, if someone woke here up at 2:30 though. Your Mom is a jerk. I'm so sorry. Yes! Lock the damn door!
Wonder what time she goes to bed for school? I have 2 daughters that shares a room(13 and 18). My 18yr old will stay up all night on her laptop and phone and usually between 6-8am she decides to go to bed. She keeps her little sister awake instead of getting off of her electronics until her sister goes to sleep. Her little sister sometimes can't fall asleep at her bedtime (11pm) and ends up going to sleep after midnight then gets up at 6:30am for school. If my 18yr old keeps herself awake most of the night, them the daughter of the nosey mom may have her door unlocked for a reason and to threaten her daughter to remove the door is due to a TRUST ISSUE NOT so called helping her daughter become an early bird, but apparently the mother uses that as an excuse on why she's treating her daughter that way instead of telling her daughter that she doesn't trust her and explain to her daughter on why. Daughter just assumes "early bird helping" from what her mom says. Mom needs to tell the truth
My mom and I were both night owls. My hubby of over 30 years is an early bird. To him anything after 6an is sleeping in, but to me, that is almost night time. When I worked, I had to do it. And do it now if need be. I am not a morning person, he is. So be it. You can’t fix natural biological stuff like that. Unless she wants to drug you…
My hurt feelings don't constitute parental abuse. The take away? Show your parents some respect. It doesn't matter what your habits are, what your ideologies are, or what you feel like crying about online. It's your mom's house. And EVERYONE that took part in terrorizing the mom in this story, is TA. Not the child, not the parent. All that is is two different sets opinions and habits. Ta's are the people dramatizing the situation. Sorry not sorry, but this is YOUR MOM. you should be the first person defending her, not the person that wanted to humiliate her on everyone's news feed. Just saying.
Not the a*****e. But mom needs help as evidenced by the "cut off from communication" comment. Mom is possibly waking her up so early because she is desperate for company after a long night and hiding other symptoms also.
NTA. I'm 22 years old and I can no longer wake up at 6AM unless I have to for whatever reason. I sleep until 10-11AM and fall asleep around 3AM. Sometimes I wake up at 9. It's perfect for me. I still live with my Dad (but not for much longer) and his rule is as long as I can get up and get to work on time, he doesn't bug me. And he's bugged me before about waking up earlier. You can't turn someone into an early bird. That's not how it works. Get out of there, girl!!
The old lady is off her rocker and meds. Finish School and get the hell outta there. Oh, and keep locking the door.
I get that they don't like being waken up so early but saying that it ruins your day and s**t just makes them sound pathetic
NTA, I say OP should take the time to sleep at school, and when asked why they're sleeping in class, are they not getting enough sleep, they should say no, that their mom is essentially abusing them. Let the school explain to her why doing this is horrible.
Just thought I'd throw this out there. But if the mom wants to take the doctor's door off house doors or door frames rather are normally about the same size so if she takes her door then the OP can take her mom's door and use it. They aren't hard to take off and put on once they have already been set up once
Nothing would get my butt out of the house with a job and my own place after graduation faster than that. Also would keep all further communucation to a minimum thereafter. That woman is a menace.
Let's address the reasoning .....too long to go between communication? No, I don't think so. And as far as "all adults get up early" no they don't. I'm one of those adults who doesn't have to get up by 4:30 and I never really did - even when I was younger - 6:00a.m. is a reasonable hour to get up.... since you only live 5 minutes away to get up go to the bathroom get dressed come out and eat should take less than 45 minutes which means you could be to school by 7:00 ...or a little earlier. You're 18 now so as an adult she needs to respect your privacy. Your mom's being unreasonable. Teenagers need their sleep, and your request is reasonable and not jeopardizing your attendance at school. She may have issues with feeling alone and or abandoned but that's not something you can assess it would have to be from a professional.
Let's address the reasoning too long to go between communication? I don't think so. And as far as all adults get up early no they don't. I'm one of those adults too doesn't have to get up by 4:30 and I never really did when I was younger 6:00 is a reasonable hour to get up and since you only live 5 minutes away to get up go to the bathroom get dressed come out and eat should take less than 45 minutes which means you could be to school by 7:00 for a little early. You're 18 now so as an adult she needs to respect your privacy. Your mom's being unreasonable teenagers need their sleep. And your request is reasonable and not jeopardizing your attendance at school. She may have issues with feeling alone and or abandoned but that's not something you can assess it would have to be from a professional..
Locking doors is rude, but barging into your adult child's room to wake them up stupid early in the morning when they have no problem getting themselves up at an appropriate time isn't? I'm glad this kid will hopefully be able to move out soon because this mom is a nut job and is behaving abusively.
So this is actually abuse and harassment. If this happened during the time OP was under 18 then she can tell her Mom that if she continues she will be reported. Also, if you have a father and haven't told him yet, why not. Sounds like you either don't trust him or maybe the story is a little exaggerated.
What drives me absolutely insane about ask reddits is NEVER getting an update! At least 95% no updates anyways. I always wanna know WHAT HAPPENED!! ITS LIKE reading a story but ripping out last chapter...hate it.
I would advise you to stand up to her and don’t back down. At 18 your almost an adult . Let her know she can’t keep bullying you. We all need our sleep.
All of the schools in the US start at this time. If this child is 18, the parent shouldn't be waking her up. She should have an alarm clock. My daughter is 15, and she's been getting herself up for several years. 4 30 is ridiculous.
BTW ...I did take a door off my teens room for smoking POT in MY house, but he found a law that former Pres,Clinton passed giving children more rights... find the article and show that to mom.
I work 6a -6p only on weekends, I live 30 mins from work tho so I do get up at 0430, but on days I don't work I sleep untill I want too....BTW I am a nurse @ a prison. I NEVER DID THIS TO MY 3 KIDS.. and I was called controling...
Depends. I'm a muslim, we're obligated to pray at 4-5 am. Also, i live in a country where people are expected to leave for work at 5-6 am, so if my parents do that to me, it's actually for my own good doesn't matter how much i hate it. But if op has considered his/her situation and convinced that it's meaningless now and forever, then what I'm going to regret is the lack of communication in your family. Family supposed to listen to each other. You should ask why the heck mom feel that she need to do that. Then make your case why you shouldn't do that. If that fails, yeah try involving dad.
Where I come from it is ilegal to wake someone up before 5 am. It's a law that even special forces or the police has to obey. EU/Romania
My mother would wake me up with stuff like that as a teenager . Once she threatened to throw water all over me , so I really sympathize for her. This controlling and abusive behavior plain and simple. It would interesting to know how they get along in general.
Time to back off and allow the adult daughter to set their own schedule and experience the consequences of being late to school. These real-life lessons are far more important than conditioning them to be up unnecessarily early.
So… this teen’s mom is forcing them to wake up at a ridiculous hour for absolutely no reason? Essentially, she’s forcing this kid to get up at an unnecessary time just to prove a bizarre (and untrue) point. It’s passive aggressive, weird, unnecessary, and if this kid is going to bed at a normal hour of like, 10pm, depriving a teenager of a reasonable amount of sleep, which is necessary for their school day. And this teenager would need to go to bed at like, 8pm to get a reasonable amount of sleep, but how many high school seniors only have 2-4 hours of homework a night? With sports/clubs, an after school job, making dinner/cleaning up, or whatever else they do after school, how could they possibly get their homework done before needing to crash at 8pm lmao? Christ, my senior year I had 6 AP classes, an honors class, was a professional musician gigging a lot, had a part time job, and was in sports. There’s no way I could get done with school at 3pm and in 5 hours have everything done. I barely had just my homework done in 5 hours, let alone everything else.
First things first NTA ! But your mother is!!! She sounds like a controlling psycho. Sleeping is Not cutting off communication! The fact she went there is nuts. She sounds more than unstable to threaten a teenage female to remove her door. Absolutely unacceptable threats and behavior on the mothers part. And she’s delusional about getting you ready for adulthood. I’m an adult and I work on my own timeline. This isn’t the 1940’s when you had to be at the factory and punch in at 6:00 am. This mother is Wrong 😑!!! Sounds to me like a very sad miserable human. Keep locking your door and getting the sleep you need. And tell your mother if she can’t respect your needs as a human being, then you’ll have to take other measures. If she removes your door. Call social services. Sleep deprivation is Abuse. And tell her she needs to respect your boundaries, you’re a teen , which means when you turn 18 you can move out and choose to not have a relationship with her.
Mom resents getting up while the kids sleep, so she's turning her attitude into a "life lesson". Closing the door is "rude"? Rude how? Tell her that adults must occasionally engage in rudeness in order to assert their rights, and claim their personal space. Especially young women, so...it's a life lesson for Mom.
No one has addressed the reason why Mom thinks 430 is the definition of early. In my desert climate (SW N.Am.) 4 30 is a little early but not unreasonable because we spend a lot of time avoiding the heat. By midsummer, the heat comes about 2 hours after sunrise. So getting your morning run in before work, doing yardwork, chores etc Needs to happen early. And it is hard to shift to early after winter n short days let you sleep later. It really is better to to stay reasonably close to an early start for your days. That said, no kid wants to waste that time just waiting around before school. Kid should try negotiating for 2 things. First an agreement about how to spend the time before school: spend it with mom! Go run together? Walk the dog? Watch news, cook together? Or just binge watch a series they want to share while doing the daily chores..And then maybe a slightly later time like 5 or 530 would look better to mom? Basic negotiation: offer value to get value.
430 am isn't morning yet. That's nuts and very unhealthy for a teen to lose sleep unnecessarily.
If your Mom resists on waking you at 4:30, talk to your school counselor, teachers and esp your Primary Doctor....or a Help- line.. Another possibility is talk to your Mom's Primary Doctor. Her behavior is not appropriate at all.
Your mother is TA. There is no reason to get up that early other than your mom getting her jollies by controlling you. What freaking time is *she* normally up? Does she go back to bed after you leave? In that case she's also a damn hypocrite. You are capable of getting up and off to school on your own. If you screw that up, then it's on you. She's not doing you any favors.
This woman is crazy. She should be told that continuing this behavior will result in her child dropping out of school. At 18, child services won't get involved, but maybe Dad can help.
Abuse? You are the reasons and the ones raising whinny cry baby teens who cry about having to get up and go to school.
Read the letter again. The kid was doing fine with getting up at 6 and getting to school in an hour. The mother's rationale is faulty at best, and her response to the locked door was all about her power, not the teenager's well being.
Load More Replies... The human brain at that age is incapable of dealing with a constant 4:30 am wake up call. The shattering of REM sleep by this mother is no different than waking up from a terrifying nightmare. I'm pretty sure she isn't going to bed at 8pm to counter waking up at 4:30.
The OP has at least the genes to become an early bird... I'm a night owl and if my mom would ever had tried such shít once, she would never have tried it again (same stays try for the chance that my dad would have tried that without reason). Honestly, when being that way disturbed and by incident the president of the US, I would hit the red button to see the world burn (to regret it 2 hours later, if there's still life left). Scientists found out that it is the special mixture of hormones/transmitters in your body that make you bring one way or the other... and even those early morning aggression can be related to such an imbalance.
6am is early bird! 4am is very strange, nobody is productive at that hour!
Okay, I'm not an early bird at all, I only go to bed at 3, but I'm sure 4 am is too early even for early birds. it's the middle of the night. It's dark at this hour almost all year round.
Used to have to wake my anxiety riddled night owl daughter up at 530 am for school every morning bc they started at 7. It was hell those 4 yrs of high school not just for her but for me as well. She was a night owl since she was an infant. It's her internal clock. She's the best when she wakes up in her own around 10.
I honestly don't understand why the mom's getting high criticism. The 18 yr old knows that she is going to be woke up early then simply go to bed earlier. The teen is crying because of this and everyone has bad things to say about mom when simply the teen has to be a spoiled brat to cry about being woke up to early.
So the teenager should go to bed between 6:30 and 8:30 in order to get enough sleep to be awakened at 4:30 for no other reason than to placate the nutjob mother? When do you suggest she do homework? Sure hope you aren't a parent.
Load More Replies... Coming from the perspective of a parent, it's possible the mother is feeling the impending flight of her child from the nest. She claims to be trying to get the child accustomed to what she sees as normal adult hours but the issue of 'cutting off communication" pops up from a locked door. Nobody gets a manual with step by step instructions on how to be the perfect parent. I think yall are being too hard on her for wanting more time with her child, no matter how misguided her intentions are. Sounds like a real heart to heart conversation needs to take place.
Yeah. Between disturbed mom, disengaged dad, and abused teen. Child services may be interest in this case where child is already exhibiting severe anxiety, depression, mental fatigue and physical exhaustion. PRONTO. and I mean PRONTO!! HEART TO HEART CHAT?? That's pure denial if I ever heard it. Interesting you see this as loneliness of the mother over serious abuse of the daughter. Maybe far more than interesting...let's hope and pray that those who hear of her life of torment and abuse can offer her much more. NOTHING justifies this woman's abuse of a growing teen who should feel safe at home.
Load More Replies... I agree that your mother is being unreasonable with the time, especially if you have shown yourself to be responsible. 4am is too early. That being said, at the same time you are still living under her roof. It is her house. Until you are able to get out on your own it is going to be tough trying to make your own rules within her household. My parents never let us sleep past 9am on the weekends and I hated never being allowed to sleep in. As an adult, on my own, I enjoy every minute of the extra sleep I'm allowed to give myself. But I would have never dreamed of locking the door on my parents while I was living there, 18 or not. It's not fair. It sucks. But unfortunately it's her house. Hopefully you will be graduating this year, and can make plans to find your own place, and live a littler happier and more rested.
It's this type of attitude that causes child suicides at alarming rates in the US. The quoted philosophy speaks to mainly drugs in a home, alcoholism, sibling abuse, pet abuse, lying, cutting school, stealing, crimes, violence, curfew abuse, and disrespect of other people. In all my years of practice caring for suicidal teens, having never lost even one, I've NEVER considered abusing a child verbally, physically, psychologically or ANY action of the parents pushing a child to exhaustion, desperation to get sleep, feeling threatened, or depressed because of any "house rule if they live in it" with the the ruler to be a sound argument. But ASTOUNDINGLY, I can't BEGIN to imagine how becoming the mental batterer of a child who breaks the ruler's RULE against getting adequate health-sustaining sleep, sustained sleep deprivation of all stages is supposed to "build a stronger worldly character". This mother is provking tragedy and is too unskilled and selfish to know this OR get herself help
Load More Replies... Just play dead. I sleep like the dead it's really hard to wake me up. But when someone actually does wake me up I just keep my eyes closed and wait for them to go away pretending to sleep. I only use the secret technique on the weekends or with my friends.
I am a full fledged adult. My alarm goes off at 6:00 AM for my 8:00 job. Nothing good happens at 4:30 in the morning. This kid needs to start reaching out to friends so they know who has a sofa or spare room to crash in when the home situation becomes untenable. Because it will.
Well, I'm a night owl, I like 4:30, it's a good time to go to bed. But if you are 18 and generally on time to school I don't see what business of hers it is to wake you earlier than you'd like. (Or at all, unless you ask her to!)
Load More Replies... Ya 18 I say it's time to move tf out ya an adult n she can't do a f****n thing bout it. Leave her to wonder wtf n one day wake her up at 2am with extremely loud music n see how she likes it n then taking ya door off. That's a horrible b***h n I'd not wish that be my mother I'd not put up with her bs nor does she own u or ya life.
I'm amazed how disrespectful kids are to their parents and get away with it now. I read the comments, and people said her mom is crazy, torturing her, psychotic... ABUSIVE?! LOL. I personally believe there is more to the story - ie she doesn't finish her homework at night, has unfinished chores (do parents even make their kids do those anymore?), Etc. Bottom line: it's her house. If you don't like the rules, move out and pay your own bills. Don't sit there and order a shamrock shake (from a restaurant created by a boomer) while complaining on your iPhone (invented by a boomer) paid for by your (boomer) mom about how rough your life is. Which btw I am a millennial by age, Gen x by heart and have total respect for my boomer parents. You all need a wake up call.
CHILDREN: You know what, I really hope that one day your own children blast you online as bad as you all are roasting this person's mom. Fact: it's your mom's house, if you don't like her rules, then move out. The idea that is being tossed around on here- that this poor mom is "abusive" or "psychotic" -is not just extremism, but it's absolutely pathetic, AND IT STEALS THE SPOTLIGHT FROM REAL VICTIMS OF ABUSE. Some really not-cool pandas. And for those of you with limited knowledge of criminal law, if this girl alters her mom's house without consent, she is committing a crime- "criminal destruction of property" I was kicked out of my mom's house when I turned 17 for simply telling my mom that I was tired of sneaking out at night, and if something happened to me I at least wanted her to know where I was at and who I was with. That is not abuse, that is my mom laying down firm rules of the house that she believes in, and REGARDLESS of how it made me feel at the time;
Simple solution…. MOVE OUT ON YOUR OWN. Your 18 and a adult…. then be one
6am wake up alarm means this teen hits snooze a few times then barely makes it to class awake to learn anything.
The mom is correct in teaching them to wake up earlier. Waking a 6 to start a class of education at 715 isn't enough time to get awake alert, shower, eat breakfast, and be ready to learn when they get there. I'm guessing this teen stays up til 2am watching videos or texting. Go to bed earlier and get up at 430an, make your bed, shower, get ready, eat, and by 715 you want be dragging your lazy butt in at 725 late and ready to lay your head down to go back to sleep. Getting up and making a point to be ready and alert at 715 will actually make your whole day go by easier and you will actually feel like you accomplished something.
I start TEACHING at 7:15 - I wake up at 6:30. 6 is plenty early for a teen.
Load More Replies... It's very confusing when you use "they" instead of "he" or "she." Just go ahead and use one or the other. I'm sure the OP won't mind if you get it wrong.
It isn't confusing at all. It's respectful when the gender of the person is unknown. You already do it all the time without realising it. If you were leaving the cinema and saw a coat in a chair you would say "someone forgot THEIR coat." It's perfectly natural. And yes, OP likely would mind if they were misgendered. Especially if they struggle with gender dysphoria.
Load More Replies... Not one person on the comments section asked what time this 18yr old "adult" is going to bed? Is their Mother trying to teach them s lesson about staying up all night f*****g around online instead of going to sleep? The article said this could be construed as a violation of privacy of they took away the door. What privacy? You live in their house you live by their f****n rules. You don't like it? Then get the f**k out!!
Seriously?! A parent doesn't have the right to be abusive just because it's thier house.
Load More Replies... It's b******t that the mum wakes the kid up at 430 but seriously who the f**k is crying at 18 because they get woken up?
who is "they"? there's only one teenager that's the subject of this article.
Found the person that doesn't understand basic grammar.
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