“Dog Mom” Vents About Being Excluded From Mother’s Day Outing, Throws A Tantrum When Friend Tries To Explain That It’s Not The Same As Having Children
Animals are definitely one of the best things in our lives. Pretty much the same as kids. Some people, however, believe that they are the same, although, of course, things are much more complicated with children – and most parents are well aware of this.
But still, there is a category of people who are so fond of their wonderful doggos that they even identify with the nickname “dog dads” or “dog moms”. One of these women will be discussed in our story.
More specifically, the Original Poster in the AITA Reddit community was a longtime friend of one of these “dog moms” and the post has so far racked up over 3.5K upvotes, as well as 625 different comments. Most of the commenters supported the OP… however, let’s go in order.
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster’s friend Leila decided to stay childfree and became a real ‘dog mom’
Image credits: DaPuglet (Tina) (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Brunch_with_dogs
Five of their other friends had children and used to discuss different kids’ issues
So, the OP and her friend Leila have known each other for a long time, since middle school. Together they were friends with five other women who had already had children for a long time, while the OP and Leila just had “furbabies” instead – cats and dogs, respectively.
Image credits: Brunch_with_dogs
The friends have been holding parties on Mother’s Day for many years
On Mother’s Day their group usually has a party – although the OP didn’t particularly like to participate, as her friends with children mostly discussed their offspring and various things related to them, while the OP was not very familiar with diapers, night feedings, first steps and so on.
But she still took part in these meetings – and this went on for many years, until the children grew up, and the parents began to gather for outings with husbands and parents like one big friendly family.
Image credits: Brunch_with_dogs
Leila always treated her doggo called Lemon like a real child
But Leila eventually became a real “dog mom”. She decided to stay childfree in her youth, and shortly before that, she divorced her husband because he had changed his point of view about having children. And then Leila got a wonderful doggo named Lemon. She spoiled him in every possible way, dressed him up in beautiful clothes – and generally treated him like a baby.
For example, she sent greeting cards on his behalf, threw him birthday parties – and emphasized that she was also a mother. Everything was fine and calm until the time of the next Mother’s Day came.
Image credits: Rob Bixby (not the actual photo)
The friends decided not to invite the OP and Leila for their Mother’s Day outing as they mostly discussed kids
This time the friends from the group who had children decided not to invite OP and Leila, simply because they were not always so interested in discussing various children’s issues. The OP took it calmly and with understanding, but Leila was immediately offended.
The OP tried to explain that even though she is a “dog mom”, raising a child is still not comparable to keeping a dog. After all, she adopted the puppy when he was already 11 weeks old, specialists help with training and grooming, and in general, the cat-loving OP and Leila are not quite the same kind of moms.
But Leila just turned around and left, and none of her friends heard from her again. Only one of them, who worked with her, heard the woman making some comments about how she was intentionally left out and her friends don’t take her seriously because she doesn’t have a ‘crotch goblin’. In general, the OP began to doubt whether she was right or wrong and whether she was talking appropriately with her friend.
Image credits: Brunch_with_dogs
The commenters tried to dispel the OP’s doubts on whether she behaved well with Leila
However, the commenters quickly tried to dispel all the OP’s doubts, confirming most of the arguments that she cited in a conversation with Leila. For example, one of the commenters wrote that she could easily leave a two-year-old dog at home, while no one could ever leave a two-year-old child.
Being childfree is fantastic, but don’t relate yourself to Mother’s Day just because dogs aren’t kids, another commenter stated. And actually, anyone who unironically uses the phrase ‘crotch goblin’ to describe children is automatically TA – that was another opinion. And some of the commenters advised Leila just to celebrate Pet Parent Day, which, by the way, falls on the last Sunday of April.
Perhaps Leila will calm down and make peace with her friends soon, and even start to celebrate the holiday that she was advised to. In the meantime, we are definitely waiting for your comments about this story, and even more – for your own exciting stories.
The only thing about this here confuses me is that the moms didn't expect there would be dogs at the puppies birthday party. It should have been obvious from the getgo.
Thought the same, so yes i would nit throw a big bday party for my dog, but if i would i would be mad too if domeone leaves because there are dogs...
Load More Replies...This is ridiculous. Complaining about being excluded on Mother's Day when you have no kids is like complaining you were excluded from the women's locker room when you're a man. Having pets doesn't make you a mother; it makes you a person who has pets.
Agree. I know a lot of people with the rejection/inclusiveness complexities. And I believe it is one of the causes of posessive behavior in advanced cases. Still I would not exclude my close friends from a party unless it is really necessary, but I also expect everyone to understand these activities are supposed to be fun and having drama over them is not something I want, in the case something like this happens.
Load More Replies...I call myself a cat mom to our three cats. When they misbehave, I tell hubby that his son is a brat. He calls himself dad. We don't have kids. We love our cats, but they are not kids. It's not the same. We do pet parent gifts on mother's and father's day in our immediate family, but just for fun. Last year I got a set of cat butt magnets from my niece. Outside of that silliness, I don't expect to be included.
Same, but I don't WANT to be included. I can't cope with more than a couple of kids at a time, not even babies or toddlers as they have no volume control, I have nothing to contribute/have zero interest in half of the conversations, so please leave me out of those outings!
Load More Replies...Leila doesn't want children, she does want a dog. Clearly she sees a difference between having a child, and having a dog. So why is she claiming that the relationship she has with her dog as a dog mom is equivalent to a relationship of a mother to their human child? The bonds we form with pets are special and unique, and we treasure them. They are also qualitatively different to the bonds we form with other humans. Not worse, different.
I can't see absolutely no reason why childfree person would want to spent a whole day with several kids and their mothers ... I would be relief to not be invited :D
I opted for pets instead of kids, and I wouldn't want to hang around with my friends while they discuss their children anyway. There are plenty of other non kid-centric opportunities to hang out - this woman sounds like an attention seeking loon.
Right? How about the 8th of March? International women's day? No kids, no dogs, just women celebrating themselves and each other.
Load More Replies...Jfc. I joke about the cat mom stuff, partially because my mom jokes the only grandkids she got from me are grandkitties, but never have I expected to be included in Mother’s Day for it. Hell, my BIL paid for my dinner when we took my MIL out recently, and said Happy Mother’s Day to me. “I have cats” was my response. (Not ungrateful for the meal, just don’t like that he’s always grabbing the check before hubs and I can contribute.)
Oh, lord. I have kids and a ton of pets but before I had kids, I would never expect to be invited to something like that. My dad had a kid when I was 29 and I used to borrow him just to hang out with my friends lol they were all having babies around the same time as my dad, lol
If it's not, it's certainly my guilty pleasure in reading other people's comments and reactions. :)
Load More Replies...NTA I have a kid and a dog. I love my doggie. She's my baby, but in the end she NOT a child. She needs to hang out with other dog moms.
I've been thinking about this. My mom's cat got sick two weeks after giving birth, and she could no longer care for the kittens. My mom was also dealing with stuff, so I adopted the kittens. I fed them, I pottied them, bathed them, got up at nights, slept with them, carried them around, took them to dr appointments, protected them from various dangers, and taught them how to behave. I ended up keeping 3 of them, and cried over the two I had to find homes for once they were 6 mo old. I know the kittens viewed me as a parent, at least, and my mom ended up sending me a mother's day card as a thank-you, signed with all of their names. I know I'm not a human mom, but I'm a cat mom, and it meant a lot to me that my mom acknowledged all the hard work I'd done, even if the card was just silliness. I guess I don't see the issue with letting Leila attend if she wants to. I don't know why she wants to. I wouldn't personally enjoy it, but I don't feel like letting her feel like a mom takes anything away from the other women attending
Now that my son is grown and out of the house, I have 2 dogs that I love and spoil like children, and my son does joke that I love them more than him but I would never insist on being included in human day activities because of them, that's just over the top. Additionally, if I were voluntarily childfree I don't think I would want to be included in activities that revolved around hanging out with young kids and talking about them.
I rehab wild orphaned animals. For the last 3 weeks I have been waking up every 2 hours to tube feed one litter of opossums, hand feed an older litter & bottle feed 7 kittens... i have to make them go potty, clean up, bathe them, and so much more... but do I consider myself a mother? In a sense sure. But I don't expect to be invited to parties like this. Mostly because why the F**k would I wanna listen to a ton of people complain about being parents for a whole day. Cause that's what all my friend with kids do. Lol. Sorry not sorry. I get talked down to for not having kids & not being able to "understand the meaning of life since I'm not a mother" .... I can't have kids tho. So it's quite annoying. Anyway, idk why you would wanna hang out with any of these ppl honestly. That's what I'm getting at. They all sound fucken terrible. Go hang out with other animal lovers! F**k these assholes who don't include you. Regardless if you're a mom or not.
I don't have kids. I have a dog and 2 cats so I'm a cat and dog dad. I would never consider being at some kind of children's celebration! How am I possibly going to relate? Scooping poop off the lawn and out of litter pans sure isn't the same as dealing with diapers. I'm also pretty sure or at least I hope, that no one walks their kid on a leash or makes them do tricks for a treat.
It's totally fine to choose a child free life. It should be fully acceptable and no one should force you to give up the freedom you have. But, you can't choose that freedom and still be included in these types of get togethers. It's about bonding and support for raising kids and no, a pet is not a child. A pet can be family, absolutely, and you can celebrate that - that's fine - but it's not a child. And please... no need to get offensive and call them "crotch goblins".
That term was pretty hostile. It's also a bit too graphic for my taste - I don't need to picture people making babies. I used to casually ask my sister "How are the brats?" but that was tongue-in-cheek; she would casually answer "The brats are fine." She knew I adored them.
Load More Replies...I got cars not kids. I don't get MD gifts or cards. It's sad but I'm not a parent of a child. Which also until they get an allowance or steady income, those gifts are from the father/co parent and not the child. Enjoy your maccaroni necklace. I'll pet me cat.
Why are people policing Mother's Day? It's not okay. Just be happy and inclusive. Now *THAT* is something that mothers should teach their children.
I agree with the fact, that being a dog mom is different as having human children, but i can also relate that groups of people drifting apart on the child/no child Situation. Our close team colleagues, me and my wife, where really close. Now we and one other are the only ones without children (by choice) and yes its drifting apart, because we are no longer always invited to private dates, because they meet with the kids in places for children (mostly on playgrounds etc ). If we invite them 90% of the time they say no because of the children (we like children, we are not excluding them, but they dont want to, because they are afraid of them destroying sth. in our home or... i dont know, they dont want to come with children and cant come without, its kind of sad). So the only occasion to meet them is to meet at a cafe with a playground for a short duration of time (until the children are out of patience and dont want to play anymore and start tantrums and want to go). Thats annoying!
It's right there in the title, she's a "dog mom" not a real mum. We don't ever hear or read "human mum", so the fact that she herself is making that clarification means she's not a real mum. It's clear she wants attention or inclusion (could be narcissism) and is going about it incorrectly. You can literally leave dogs alone, often for hours. You can't do that with a baby or young child. She needs to grow up and stop being self-centered/jealous.
I once took care of an almost newborn kitten who was rejected by the mama cats including her own. She started taking to me as a second mom. Dad said that was spoiling her but I wanted her to feel loved (rip stormy). Still not even I would have gotten upset about not getting invited. Mother's day is usually reserved for human mothers and their offspring only.
"We didn't expect there to be dogs at a dog birthday party. She didn't warn us about that" ESH!
I’m a fur-baby Momma, can’t have children, and initially laughed at this title. After reading it though, Leila sounds like she’s having some sort of mental breakdown as her actions seem unhinged. While the OP is NTA, I feel for Leila. I hope there is nothing mentally wrong with her, if there is I hope she is seeking help. I want to point out that as a fur-mom, I don’t have birthday parties, or give family/friends gifts from them. They are included in our family Yule cards that I send out but that’s about it. While I view them as ‘my children’ I am aware that most others just see them as pets and respect that.
OP’s friend is definitely the AH. Yes she’s being excluded But the other friends have a right to exclude her. Is she that desperate to be recognized as a dog mom? I treat my cats like babies but I don’t celebrate their birthdays. And speaking of, how silly are the friends to not register that a dog birthday party would have dog guests…But they at least tried to participate and be there for their friend. Sounds like she was only around the friends for attention and not friendship cause separate outings from Mother’s Day could have been planned for
I'm going against the tide but "real moms" is what sticks in my throat. Would they exclude mothers who adopted? She could have found a better way to explain. And a bit of sensitivity would be nice. For whatever reason she doesn't have children, she came to look at the dog as her kid, and okay, it's not uncommon, and it's not a birth mother, but cut her some slack, what harm can it really do to accept and embrace her instead of cutting her out. She's a friend, and this mom's club attitude really is inconsiderate.
A "real mom" is someone who raises a child, doesn't matter is the kid is adopted or foster, or genetic. There are adoptive mothers that are *more* of a "real mom" than genetic mothers, if they do a better job of mothering.
Load More Replies...I’m over getting together in groups anyway! I don’t like having lots of people ask me lots of questions. I don’t like to drink anymore so to me going out isn’t fun unless you drink and I don’t want to drink !
I'm a bit nervous in groups myself. Do you have an obligation to order alcohol? I often order juice or non-alcoholic versions of popular drinks. Some places offer mocktail menus. One strategy for avoiding questions is to ask people about themselves or to give them a compliment.
Load More Replies...When people talk about "fur babies", I let it bug me more than I should, but man does it bug me! They're not babies. They're pets. Yes, I get that you love them, I love my pets, too, but I would never equate my pets with my kids. My dog does what I tell him to do when I tell him to do it. My kids? Not so much.
I'm not crazy about the term "fur babies" either, but it's entered the vernacular. I shrug it off on social media and for occasional in-person use. Its near-daily use might cause me sub-culture shock.
Load More Replies...Just NO. Having a dog does not even come CLOSE to equating being responsible for the raising of a human. Having pets doesn't make you a MOM, it makes you a pet owner.
The only thing about this here confuses me is that the moms didn't expect there would be dogs at the puppies birthday party. It should have been obvious from the getgo.
Thought the same, so yes i would nit throw a big bday party for my dog, but if i would i would be mad too if domeone leaves because there are dogs...
Load More Replies...This is ridiculous. Complaining about being excluded on Mother's Day when you have no kids is like complaining you were excluded from the women's locker room when you're a man. Having pets doesn't make you a mother; it makes you a person who has pets.
Agree. I know a lot of people with the rejection/inclusiveness complexities. And I believe it is one of the causes of posessive behavior in advanced cases. Still I would not exclude my close friends from a party unless it is really necessary, but I also expect everyone to understand these activities are supposed to be fun and having drama over them is not something I want, in the case something like this happens.
Load More Replies...I call myself a cat mom to our three cats. When they misbehave, I tell hubby that his son is a brat. He calls himself dad. We don't have kids. We love our cats, but they are not kids. It's not the same. We do pet parent gifts on mother's and father's day in our immediate family, but just for fun. Last year I got a set of cat butt magnets from my niece. Outside of that silliness, I don't expect to be included.
Same, but I don't WANT to be included. I can't cope with more than a couple of kids at a time, not even babies or toddlers as they have no volume control, I have nothing to contribute/have zero interest in half of the conversations, so please leave me out of those outings!
Load More Replies...Leila doesn't want children, she does want a dog. Clearly she sees a difference between having a child, and having a dog. So why is she claiming that the relationship she has with her dog as a dog mom is equivalent to a relationship of a mother to their human child? The bonds we form with pets are special and unique, and we treasure them. They are also qualitatively different to the bonds we form with other humans. Not worse, different.
I can't see absolutely no reason why childfree person would want to spent a whole day with several kids and their mothers ... I would be relief to not be invited :D
I opted for pets instead of kids, and I wouldn't want to hang around with my friends while they discuss their children anyway. There are plenty of other non kid-centric opportunities to hang out - this woman sounds like an attention seeking loon.
Right? How about the 8th of March? International women's day? No kids, no dogs, just women celebrating themselves and each other.
Load More Replies...Jfc. I joke about the cat mom stuff, partially because my mom jokes the only grandkids she got from me are grandkitties, but never have I expected to be included in Mother’s Day for it. Hell, my BIL paid for my dinner when we took my MIL out recently, and said Happy Mother’s Day to me. “I have cats” was my response. (Not ungrateful for the meal, just don’t like that he’s always grabbing the check before hubs and I can contribute.)
Oh, lord. I have kids and a ton of pets but before I had kids, I would never expect to be invited to something like that. My dad had a kid when I was 29 and I used to borrow him just to hang out with my friends lol they were all having babies around the same time as my dad, lol
If it's not, it's certainly my guilty pleasure in reading other people's comments and reactions. :)
Load More Replies...NTA I have a kid and a dog. I love my doggie. She's my baby, but in the end she NOT a child. She needs to hang out with other dog moms.
I've been thinking about this. My mom's cat got sick two weeks after giving birth, and she could no longer care for the kittens. My mom was also dealing with stuff, so I adopted the kittens. I fed them, I pottied them, bathed them, got up at nights, slept with them, carried them around, took them to dr appointments, protected them from various dangers, and taught them how to behave. I ended up keeping 3 of them, and cried over the two I had to find homes for once they were 6 mo old. I know the kittens viewed me as a parent, at least, and my mom ended up sending me a mother's day card as a thank-you, signed with all of their names. I know I'm not a human mom, but I'm a cat mom, and it meant a lot to me that my mom acknowledged all the hard work I'd done, even if the card was just silliness. I guess I don't see the issue with letting Leila attend if she wants to. I don't know why she wants to. I wouldn't personally enjoy it, but I don't feel like letting her feel like a mom takes anything away from the other women attending
Now that my son is grown and out of the house, I have 2 dogs that I love and spoil like children, and my son does joke that I love them more than him but I would never insist on being included in human day activities because of them, that's just over the top. Additionally, if I were voluntarily childfree I don't think I would want to be included in activities that revolved around hanging out with young kids and talking about them.
I rehab wild orphaned animals. For the last 3 weeks I have been waking up every 2 hours to tube feed one litter of opossums, hand feed an older litter & bottle feed 7 kittens... i have to make them go potty, clean up, bathe them, and so much more... but do I consider myself a mother? In a sense sure. But I don't expect to be invited to parties like this. Mostly because why the F**k would I wanna listen to a ton of people complain about being parents for a whole day. Cause that's what all my friend with kids do. Lol. Sorry not sorry. I get talked down to for not having kids & not being able to "understand the meaning of life since I'm not a mother" .... I can't have kids tho. So it's quite annoying. Anyway, idk why you would wanna hang out with any of these ppl honestly. That's what I'm getting at. They all sound fucken terrible. Go hang out with other animal lovers! F**k these assholes who don't include you. Regardless if you're a mom or not.
I don't have kids. I have a dog and 2 cats so I'm a cat and dog dad. I would never consider being at some kind of children's celebration! How am I possibly going to relate? Scooping poop off the lawn and out of litter pans sure isn't the same as dealing with diapers. I'm also pretty sure or at least I hope, that no one walks their kid on a leash or makes them do tricks for a treat.
It's totally fine to choose a child free life. It should be fully acceptable and no one should force you to give up the freedom you have. But, you can't choose that freedom and still be included in these types of get togethers. It's about bonding and support for raising kids and no, a pet is not a child. A pet can be family, absolutely, and you can celebrate that - that's fine - but it's not a child. And please... no need to get offensive and call them "crotch goblins".
That term was pretty hostile. It's also a bit too graphic for my taste - I don't need to picture people making babies. I used to casually ask my sister "How are the brats?" but that was tongue-in-cheek; she would casually answer "The brats are fine." She knew I adored them.
Load More Replies...I got cars not kids. I don't get MD gifts or cards. It's sad but I'm not a parent of a child. Which also until they get an allowance or steady income, those gifts are from the father/co parent and not the child. Enjoy your maccaroni necklace. I'll pet me cat.
Why are people policing Mother's Day? It's not okay. Just be happy and inclusive. Now *THAT* is something that mothers should teach their children.
I agree with the fact, that being a dog mom is different as having human children, but i can also relate that groups of people drifting apart on the child/no child Situation. Our close team colleagues, me and my wife, where really close. Now we and one other are the only ones without children (by choice) and yes its drifting apart, because we are no longer always invited to private dates, because they meet with the kids in places for children (mostly on playgrounds etc ). If we invite them 90% of the time they say no because of the children (we like children, we are not excluding them, but they dont want to, because they are afraid of them destroying sth. in our home or... i dont know, they dont want to come with children and cant come without, its kind of sad). So the only occasion to meet them is to meet at a cafe with a playground for a short duration of time (until the children are out of patience and dont want to play anymore and start tantrums and want to go). Thats annoying!
It's right there in the title, she's a "dog mom" not a real mum. We don't ever hear or read "human mum", so the fact that she herself is making that clarification means she's not a real mum. It's clear she wants attention or inclusion (could be narcissism) and is going about it incorrectly. You can literally leave dogs alone, often for hours. You can't do that with a baby or young child. She needs to grow up and stop being self-centered/jealous.
I once took care of an almost newborn kitten who was rejected by the mama cats including her own. She started taking to me as a second mom. Dad said that was spoiling her but I wanted her to feel loved (rip stormy). Still not even I would have gotten upset about not getting invited. Mother's day is usually reserved for human mothers and their offspring only.
"We didn't expect there to be dogs at a dog birthday party. She didn't warn us about that" ESH!
I’m a fur-baby Momma, can’t have children, and initially laughed at this title. After reading it though, Leila sounds like she’s having some sort of mental breakdown as her actions seem unhinged. While the OP is NTA, I feel for Leila. I hope there is nothing mentally wrong with her, if there is I hope she is seeking help. I want to point out that as a fur-mom, I don’t have birthday parties, or give family/friends gifts from them. They are included in our family Yule cards that I send out but that’s about it. While I view them as ‘my children’ I am aware that most others just see them as pets and respect that.
OP’s friend is definitely the AH. Yes she’s being excluded But the other friends have a right to exclude her. Is she that desperate to be recognized as a dog mom? I treat my cats like babies but I don’t celebrate their birthdays. And speaking of, how silly are the friends to not register that a dog birthday party would have dog guests…But they at least tried to participate and be there for their friend. Sounds like she was only around the friends for attention and not friendship cause separate outings from Mother’s Day could have been planned for
I'm going against the tide but "real moms" is what sticks in my throat. Would they exclude mothers who adopted? She could have found a better way to explain. And a bit of sensitivity would be nice. For whatever reason she doesn't have children, she came to look at the dog as her kid, and okay, it's not uncommon, and it's not a birth mother, but cut her some slack, what harm can it really do to accept and embrace her instead of cutting her out. She's a friend, and this mom's club attitude really is inconsiderate.
A "real mom" is someone who raises a child, doesn't matter is the kid is adopted or foster, or genetic. There are adoptive mothers that are *more* of a "real mom" than genetic mothers, if they do a better job of mothering.
Load More Replies...I’m over getting together in groups anyway! I don’t like having lots of people ask me lots of questions. I don’t like to drink anymore so to me going out isn’t fun unless you drink and I don’t want to drink !
I'm a bit nervous in groups myself. Do you have an obligation to order alcohol? I often order juice or non-alcoholic versions of popular drinks. Some places offer mocktail menus. One strategy for avoiding questions is to ask people about themselves or to give them a compliment.
Load More Replies...When people talk about "fur babies", I let it bug me more than I should, but man does it bug me! They're not babies. They're pets. Yes, I get that you love them, I love my pets, too, but I would never equate my pets with my kids. My dog does what I tell him to do when I tell him to do it. My kids? Not so much.
I'm not crazy about the term "fur babies" either, but it's entered the vernacular. I shrug it off on social media and for occasional in-person use. Its near-daily use might cause me sub-culture shock.
Load More Replies...Just NO. Having a dog does not even come CLOSE to equating being responsible for the raising of a human. Having pets doesn't make you a MOM, it makes you a pet owner.
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