Being a grown-up is not just about taking care of yourself; it's also about considering how your actions affect the people around you. I like to think of it as juggling heavy dumbbells while riding a broken unicycle on a weak tightrope above a savage fire. Fun, right?
To learn which parts of this 'performance' people find the hardest, Redditor u/Frequent-Pilot5243 recently made a post on the platform, asking other users the following question: "What is an adult problem nobody prepared you for?" Turns out, a lot. From personal finance to relationships, continue scrolling to check out some of the most popular answers.
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Handling the decline and death of your parents
This is my worst fear. I cry myself to sleep somedays thinking about this
We managed to get in contact with u/Frequent-Pilot5243 and they were kind enough to have a little chat with us about their viral post.
"It indeed is a good question and people replied with a lot of honesty," the Redditor told Bored Panda.
"As much as I would like to take the credit this isn't an original post. It is a repost; somebody had asked this question a year or year and a half ago."
Having to make dinner every. F***ing. Day.
Life is all about maintenance. Your body, your house, your relationships, everything requires constant never ending maintenance.
Didn't know that other adults have the emotional intelligence of teenagers and its almost impossible to deal with logically
Indeed, even we covered a thread that virtually asks the same question.
But the answers that this one has received make it a totally new discussion.
"I didn't expect it to blow up like this," u/Frequent-Pilot5243 said.
But some of these issues probably wouldn't even arise if paid more attention to their roots. Approximately 3 in 4 adult or young adult children who experienced a mental health challenge indicated at least some of the challenges occurred before the age of 18, and approximately half of them said that their parents never sought treatment for them, while approximately three quarters said that they wished their parents had done so.
Of these folks, approximately 67% said it was because they would not have suffered so much during their teenage years, approximately 66% said that they would be better equipped to handle their current problems, and approximately 64% said it would have better prepared them for adulthood.
So problems begin early on in our personal journeys. “Transitioning into adulthood is enough of a struggle. No one should have to battle their mental health at the same time,” Debbie Thomas, EdD, APRN, based in Louisville, Kentucky, explained the numbers in a statement.
If only we were better at noticing them...
Almost all of your friends wont be life long. No one really talks about how common it is to lose touch with people or grow apart. Most of your life will be spent either making new friends while losing old ones or being alone.
The more life you’ve lived, the faster time seems to go.
This! Exactly! How was 2020 2 years ago!?? I haven't even finished digesting 2019...??..??
That turning down the radio, when you are lost in a neighborhood helps you see better.
How easy it is to feel stuck in a bad situation (job, relationship, etc) just because the cost and effort of getting out can seem daunting. And sometimes you just have to accept a figurative bowl full of s**t because you can't afford to blow up your life.
How prevalent depression, anxiety, and suicide ideation is. At this point I think every adult has been through it at some point in their lives.
Lack of purpose.
All your young life you are given purpose of passing exams and learning, then all of a sudden you are thrown into the world and told to find your own meaning.
I feel this so badly. Since I became too ill to work or study I feel absolutely useless. I could get used to being unemployed but working in our garden for food/animals. But being only able to do housechores, and with a lot of difficulty, has broken me. My life now is emptying the dishwasher, laundry and tyding up a house that is never clean.
That is a soul-killing situation, Ozacoter. I know. I wish I had a magic solution, because I'd share it with you.
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I don't have purpose. And at the same time I feel unfulfilled. Desperately so. It's like I'm itching to do something, ANYTHING; the neurons in my brain are firing and impatient to be used and they're being wasted. I'd say the last two years have made it worse, or maybe it's just brought the feeling into much sharper focus.
What is keeping you from making sure you feel fulfilled?
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I found life has no purpose of itself. It's best just to enjoy the ride because it's always shorter than you think.
Sometimes I feel like the problem is that it’s too long and I’m stuck trying to figure out what to fill all that time with.
Load More Replies... A purpose can rob you of experiencing the journey of life. You're always working towards something and until that something is achieved, you feel unaccomplished. I feel that not having a purpose is liberating. I do want to have motivators, otherwise I end up not really doing anything in general.
I honestly feel like there's NO purpose to life. The things I cared about and wanted to make my purpose never went anywhere. Other than my kids and husband... I have no purpose.
There is no one keeping score to let you know when you are succeeding or failing. It's self-determined and MANNNN that's rough!
And passing all those exams, and doing all that learning ends up not having one bit of bearing on whether you are successful in getting a job, or are successful in the job you get. It seems that knowledge and ability don’t matter, but schmoozing, nepotism, favoritism, and ability to lie and b******t your foot in the door are. Doesn’t matter if you totally f**k everything up either, because you’ll just be promoted and given a hefty raise, while the lower level employees either have to clean up your mess or just get fired.
This. I'm struggling on a daily basis to find meaning in living life. Even the little things. I have serious suicide ideation and it gets fuelled by this lack of purpose and stuck working dead end jobs. I wished schools would actually try to help teenagers figure out what they want to do in life rather than forcing them into this b******t cookie-cutter module of how their lives SHOULD go. It creates anxiety when nothing that's offered lines up with their desires and then they get more anxiety because they feel broken. (speaking from personal experience)
Take a class at community college. Classes are practically free everywhere these days. I prefer ones that have zoom meetings. It feels good to have time to learn something I want to learn and relaxed because it is not required. Many private colleges and universities have programs that offer free classes to senior citizens in the community. My 80 yr old friend takes French classes every semester
Purpose is a tough one. Some believe it’s spiritual. I believe it’s part of motivation and goal seeking. Always have a goal, no matter the size. Have more than with different dates so that when you reached one you still have others to achieve. This gives you purpose.
I feel as though a lot of our problems in society could be better managed if we were taught from a young age the importance of living in the here and now. So many older people told me when I was young that those would be the best years of my life(which as an adult I still say was a load of bollocks and my 20s have been far better), but what I take away from that is "purpose" involves always looking forward and striving. We'd all be much happier if we accepted that purpose is a construct to keep you wanting more than what you currently have. I'm not saying we shouldn't have goals or desires, but the concept of "purpose," or lack of it, keeps your mindset focused forward, and you miss the beauty of the present. That's just my philosophical interpretation that might be total crap, but make it it what you will.
When I was a kid, I had big dreams and thought I would become someone special who would do great things. Then I realized, by comparison, that I was not pretty. Therefore, I was not going to have the same advantages as beautiful people. It dawned on me one day that I was ordinary and would not achieve great things in my life.
Nobody can give you purpose. Undestanding the meaning, the sense and the purpose in your own existence is 100% your own task, duty and you have to work it out yourself... Nobody can figure it out an give it to you. Jeeze!
Maybe this is why I keep having dreams that I'm in highschool as a "super senior" still trying to pass my classes. (I graduated 7 freaking years ago) maybe it's because my brain doesn't understand what else concrete thing I'm supposed to be shooting for. Also I almost didn't pass my math class senior year and I guess it was traumatic.
This is a weird concept for me. Going to seems more like a chapter in my life to complete. Now it's going to work to earn money to support the life I want to live. I enjoy my job enough, but I really like all the things I can do outside of work hours. Now teleworking means saving commute time, more time to try new recipes, more time to read, knit, build Lego, go on walks, watch shows and movies... It doesn't always have to have a purpose. It's ok for life to be boring at times.
After my kids were born, the whole focus and purpose of my life was my kids. I worked hard so we'd have food on the table and they could go to college and could go to the doctor if they were sick. Now they're grown and gone. One lives halfway around the world, and the other barely speaks to me. Now that they're gone, I feel like there's no point to anything anymore. I did everything I thought I was supposed to do, and now what's left, except grow old and die? I'm not sure there's a point to growing older.
Near the end of your life, nothing matters unless you have done something earth shattering which will go down in history.
I'm still in my "young life" and I have no purpose whatsoever. I've just learned when to cry and when to fake being happy. (Sorry to sound so depressing)
Then you realize that some people's lives DO have meaning, but yours doesn't. You'll feel like those people are better than you, but no matter what anybody else tells you, remember this: you're right, they ARE better than you.
I'm lucky in this case I think. I've always knew what my biggest (realistic) dreams are and turns out it takes MUCH longer to make all of them happen than I thought.
i hate schools they teach a lot of useless information and you take tests but they reaaly don't show u how to figure out what u want to be or who u r
"Purpose" is b******t. The idea that is there is one singular thing that we are meant to be/have/do AND we have to figure it out so we can make money at it... it's not real. IF we do have a purpose, have we considered that maybe it's none of our d@mn business? Maybe it's (if IT exisists) is only up to God/The Universe to know?
The kitchen is always dirty. You’ll clean it at least three times every day.
Figuring out what makes you happy. Everyone keeps trying to get you to do things you're good at, or that makes you money, but never to pursue what you enjoy
O.M.G. Yessss This. This is exactly how my whole adult life has been but couldn't explain it as well as this.
Working full time, but still not being able to afford the basic necessities of life.
Stop talking about Republicans versus liberals and start agreeing with each other on how screwed up the payment system is in the US maybe if we stopped arguing we could get something done. I'm talking to both you iconoclast and jmdirks.
Adult life being basically a permanent to-do list that just keeps on getting bigger and bigger
Without a support system, your mental illnesses alone can render you homeless.
So can a dozen other situations. It’s not hard to become homeless these days, what’s hard is dragging yourself out off that hole and not having it be your default go to when the s**t hits the fan. There is a YouTube channel titled Invisible People, run by a guy who experienced homelessness and got back on his feet, he now interviews homeless people. Although their stories can be hard to hear, it can really shine the light on how things like predatory lending, medical debt, divorce etc can land good hardworking people on the street.
Daughter with behavioral and mental issues. Then she got pregnant at 16. It was a roller coaster ride…very trying and about kicked my [butt].
My husband had esophageal cancer and then 9 years later had 14 brain lesions. Both times his survival rate was low, but he’s still here.
Feel like I’ve been in survival mode for years and years. I’m kinda tired now.
That I can horrifically f**k my neck up just by sleeping at a funny angle
Being 60 years old and still having to deal with people that act we’re still in high school. I can’t stand back biting and temper tantrums, and it seems even worse from 50 and 60 year olds. It’s embarrassing and I thought it would end, but apparently drama never ends
This may just be because I’m on the spectrum but networking for jobs. My parents had the same jobs since I was born so I never saw them or anyone else look for one that wasn’t a temporary job for a college student so I didn’t know. I thought hard work would basically show employers I was worth hiring and despite burning myself out I still lost out to people with half my ability because they were more sociable was baffling to me for a long time.
I'm close to 50. Would have been nice to be better prepared for some of the ways your body starts to change that don't normally get talked about. For instance, your teeth will start to shift from the general aging of your gums
I’ll say this: as a kid you think adults have it all together. Turns out we are just winging it.
My dad killed himself 3 days after my 31st birthday. And I still had to wake up and be a mother and a functional human being. Still have to.
There is no preparing for that.
That people will actively work against their own interests and/or the interests of society.
Growing up, you look at well adjusted adults and think “wow, these people know what’s going on and will help us all get to a better place.” Now? You realize there are a bunch of really stupid folk out there.
Getting burnt out
How much you have to clean. Like you are always cleaning something. I hate it
That once you are "stable" your life is f**king groundhog's day. Every day is basically the same. Same person I already married, same house I already have and already decorated, same job every day, same foods over and over. Same damn shows and movies and songs... Boring and sometimes I have a crazy spell because I just can't stand it... dysphoria sucks.
I love the stability and predictability. I now have the peace of mind to enjoy free time, being it arty, outdoory or cuddly. I'm all there and experience it to the full. Real connection to me, to nature or to someone else.
Being asked why I'm single and have no kids like I'm some sort of alien.
Just say "they died" and end all further questioning! And hopefully embarrass the nebby noser.
You can clearly see the systems that are in place to prevent you from advancing, but they're effective in preventing you from advancing.
Being an adult feels extremely lonely
Yes. I found a fellow Asperger to marry and now I'm not lonely anymore. I dread the day they'll die though! I block that train of thought though as that day is not here now. Live in the moment. Invite yourself over for coffee at the neighbours. There are many nice people out there.
How to fight with a partner. I just shut down because I don't know how to handle it.
As a kid, I was taught, if you work hard, you can buy a house and move out once you’re 18. I wish I could tell little me that isn’t gonna happen anytime soon haha
Unfortunately many of us weren’t told that working hard is only one part of the equation.
Feeling like I’ve already seen every plot known to man and so movies are very predictable and not as enjoyable as they were when I was younger.
Not having a lot of free-time or time by myself.
I don't have kids and this is one of the main reasons. I am an Adverse Childhood Experiences survivor and know myself well enough to know if I don't get regular time to myself my coping capacity goes down to near zero. Time on my own is used to decompress and process so I can keep on an even keel and not be a concern (or honestly just a plain nightmare) to my loved ones. It helps me maintain reality and own my emotional/mental state. I used to feel ashamed I "couldn't cope like everybody else" but now I just own it.
How to handle existential crisis and the looming thought of my own death and the deaths of those around me.
Live in the moment, in the now. You're not dead right now and neither are they. Your stress isn't a solution to these eventualities, it's not practical at all. You may stress when it happens, not before. And I assure you: you will be OK when it happens, because that time too is lived in moments and not as an avalanche. You are OK. You are built to experience life in moments and they're always in the here and now. You are built for this. You're a natural too and you will find so once you let your controlling mind back off a bit.
Imposter syndrome. And then realizing that likely every expert or professional you’ve ever really trusted also probably has imposter syndrome and knows much less than you think they do. This became very apparent to me during the pandemic when I realized that our governments and our medical professionals don’t have all the answers and we’re all just figuring things out as we go.
The intricacies of workplace politics.
I never realized how much school tried to condition us for the corporate world until I worked in the corporate world. Washroom breaks controlled: check. Expected to stay seated at your desk: check. Don't question the teacher/manager tells you: check. Meager, small "incentives" (gold star/free coffee/pizza days): check. Micromanaging: check. Disregard for medical care: check.
Note: this post originally had 82 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
Something needs to change in our society or I dont see how we can continue. Most young people I know is poor and has terrible emntal health. How long can we keep this up?
I believe something is gonna change whether people want it to or not.
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I LOVE the freedom that comes with ageing. Choosing which social rules I find important, ignoring the rest.
I don't think you can be fully prepared for adulthood. Parents should (try) to educate their children on how to handle "life" in general. What and how to behave: in general, conflict, etc. Give them tools.
I feel that the problem is that parents in the last decades hid too many of their problems to their kids so they grew up thinking that life was going to be fair and easy. You shouldnt burden your kids all the time of course but its not ok to make them believe that life is always good.
Load More Replies...
When you became 50 but it feels you were 30 just 2 months ago.
How much is sucks not being able to punch another adult. Some people really deserve to be punched but assult is illegal.
Am I the only one that has a kid could never imagine themselves as adults? Couldn't imagine the kids or the car or the house payment? Paying taxes and the 9-5? I'm very much an adult and still can't see it.
All it took was 2 elections and 1 bad term for me to discover that roughly half the people in this country are nuts.
This kind of post needs to come with a warning lol. Reading these all together is enough to trigger depression if you’re that way inclined. Yes, adulthood can be hard and a lot of work, but it can also be extremely rewarding and being massive joy. Reading this post makes it super easy to forget that
You are absolutely right Natalie!! Being an adult, even with an ordinary mundane life, gives you opportunities to discover great things!
Load More Replies... And many kids don't listen to their parents when they try to explain what to do to be successful.
Load More Replies... A general feeling of losing control over your own life because of all the things you HAVE to do, are EXPECTED to do or MUST do to maintain everything is what gets people the most. It's like your freedom is taken away from you. I'm probably speaking from privilige but I feel that lots of people could take back more control over their life than they think they can. I mean, you can't just get up and dump your kids and husband, but you CAN reevaluate just how much of a disaster will unfold if you DON'T immediately do this or that.
I love that this ended up being a board where many if us could share. I've only found this site a month ago but I've been very happy here. Nobody selling things, very few political discussions and strife between people. Ivd found such amazing strangers here! And this post was just a place where we could all share our same experiences. I know I probably talked lots but I felt safe! Less judgey people here. I love it!
I never thought I'd wind up with a chronic illness that forced out of a job I spent 9 years and a lot of money preparing for. Also a wife who worked through two pregnancies full term to help me do it. Yet, here I am. The hardest thing anyone will have to accept about being an adult is that life wasn't, isn't and never will be fair.
Here's on for me: Realizing that college students look like babies to me. I'm only 33 but it makes me feel like something recently uncovered in a tomb in Egypt.
Oh, and your parents thought that you were an a*hole in your teens. Then you think your teens are real a*holes. And they will think the same about your grandchild.
From a certain age you are much more relaxed than before... but at the same time some things annoy you all the more. I'm in my early 50s and really couldn't care less what others think of me. On the other hand... there has been constant construction going on somewhere in my neighborhood for almost 5 years now and the heavy construction vehicles are increasingly ruining our paved street ... which really annoys me.
No one ever tells you when you're a kid how expensive rugs are. Seriously, why do they cost so much?
I'm missing one for the ladies. Some of us have been and others haven't been prepared for getting periods. I was. Thought it was a good thing. I knew I was to expect bleeding monthly. Didn't know I was to expect feeling like s**t so many days in advance that for half a month I'd feel happy and on top of the world and the other half crying all the time and craving chocolate and feeling all together miserable. Every month again. Year in year out. Now I look forward to see this misery end, but when I look at ladies who are older than me I wonder if that would make me happy because they all (at least in my surroundings) become nagging sour pusses with marital problems so now I'm like: is that what I'm looking forward too?
It's honestly scary how relatable most of these are. I mean it's good to know I'm not alone but it's more depressing in a way. We need to do better. We need to work on humanity. Work on SOCIETY.
Having been raised to be ready for the apocalypse, and on a farm (mostly), I can say that my childhood prepared me to be an adult by age 10, and I'd have liked to be a kid a bit more, but ... A pandemic hits, and I was basically, "OK, got this," and on life went/goes. Would've been nice to be a "kid" more, but that wasn't our option.
All the comments above is because you are all snowflakes and lazy, typical millennial excuses for your mental health.....your generation is useless and always complain about how things are so hard, and its hard to be an adult....just think how many generations before you survived with far less than you have.....bad internet connection and you all cry and seek a social worker.....f me......part of life..suck it up snowflakes
Most of these come from bad parenting and being an atheist. Both suck and make your life miserable. You can change it tho...
When we started giving out participation trophy's to kids for just showing up. Now it seems like everyone thinks they deserve everything everyone else has and they lose their minds when they can't have it. Just because your parents are well off, doesn't mean you will be.
Something needs to change in our society or I dont see how we can continue. Most young people I know is poor and has terrible emntal health. How long can we keep this up?
I believe something is gonna change whether people want it to or not.
Load More Replies... I LOVE the freedom that comes with ageing. Choosing which social rules I find important, ignoring the rest.
I don't think you can be fully prepared for adulthood. Parents should (try) to educate their children on how to handle "life" in general. What and how to behave: in general, conflict, etc. Give them tools.
I feel that the problem is that parents in the last decades hid too many of their problems to their kids so they grew up thinking that life was going to be fair and easy. You shouldnt burden your kids all the time of course but its not ok to make them believe that life is always good.
Load More Replies... When you became 50 but it feels you were 30 just 2 months ago.
How much is sucks not being able to punch another adult. Some people really deserve to be punched but assult is illegal.
Am I the only one that has a kid could never imagine themselves as adults? Couldn't imagine the kids or the car or the house payment? Paying taxes and the 9-5? I'm very much an adult and still can't see it.
All it took was 2 elections and 1 bad term for me to discover that roughly half the people in this country are nuts.
This kind of post needs to come with a warning lol. Reading these all together is enough to trigger depression if you’re that way inclined. Yes, adulthood can be hard and a lot of work, but it can also be extremely rewarding and being massive joy. Reading this post makes it super easy to forget that
You are absolutely right Natalie!! Being an adult, even with an ordinary mundane life, gives you opportunities to discover great things!
Load More Replies... And many kids don't listen to their parents when they try to explain what to do to be successful.
Load More Replies... A general feeling of losing control over your own life because of all the things you HAVE to do, are EXPECTED to do or MUST do to maintain everything is what gets people the most. It's like your freedom is taken away from you. I'm probably speaking from privilige but I feel that lots of people could take back more control over their life than they think they can. I mean, you can't just get up and dump your kids and husband, but you CAN reevaluate just how much of a disaster will unfold if you DON'T immediately do this or that.
I love that this ended up being a board where many if us could share. I've only found this site a month ago but I've been very happy here. Nobody selling things, very few political discussions and strife between people. Ivd found such amazing strangers here! And this post was just a place where we could all share our same experiences. I know I probably talked lots but I felt safe! Less judgey people here. I love it!
I never thought I'd wind up with a chronic illness that forced out of a job I spent 9 years and a lot of money preparing for. Also a wife who worked through two pregnancies full term to help me do it. Yet, here I am. The hardest thing anyone will have to accept about being an adult is that life wasn't, isn't and never will be fair.
Here's on for me: Realizing that college students look like babies to me. I'm only 33 but it makes me feel like something recently uncovered in a tomb in Egypt.
Oh, and your parents thought that you were an a*hole in your teens. Then you think your teens are real a*holes. And they will think the same about your grandchild.
From a certain age you are much more relaxed than before... but at the same time some things annoy you all the more. I'm in my early 50s and really couldn't care less what others think of me. On the other hand... there has been constant construction going on somewhere in my neighborhood for almost 5 years now and the heavy construction vehicles are increasingly ruining our paved street ... which really annoys me.
No one ever tells you when you're a kid how expensive rugs are. Seriously, why do they cost so much?
I'm missing one for the ladies. Some of us have been and others haven't been prepared for getting periods. I was. Thought it was a good thing. I knew I was to expect bleeding monthly. Didn't know I was to expect feeling like s**t so many days in advance that for half a month I'd feel happy and on top of the world and the other half crying all the time and craving chocolate and feeling all together miserable. Every month again. Year in year out. Now I look forward to see this misery end, but when I look at ladies who are older than me I wonder if that would make me happy because they all (at least in my surroundings) become nagging sour pusses with marital problems so now I'm like: is that what I'm looking forward too?
It's honestly scary how relatable most of these are. I mean it's good to know I'm not alone but it's more depressing in a way. We need to do better. We need to work on humanity. Work on SOCIETY.
Having been raised to be ready for the apocalypse, and on a farm (mostly), I can say that my childhood prepared me to be an adult by age 10, and I'd have liked to be a kid a bit more, but ... A pandemic hits, and I was basically, "OK, got this," and on life went/goes. Would've been nice to be a "kid" more, but that wasn't our option.
All the comments above is because you are all snowflakes and lazy, typical millennial excuses for your mental health.....your generation is useless and always complain about how things are so hard, and its hard to be an adult....just think how many generations before you survived with far less than you have.....bad internet connection and you all cry and seek a social worker.....f me......part of life..suck it up snowflakes
Most of these come from bad parenting and being an atheist. Both suck and make your life miserable. You can change it tho...
When we started giving out participation trophy's to kids for just showing up. Now it seems like everyone thinks they deserve everything everyone else has and they lose their minds when they can't have it. Just because your parents are well off, doesn't mean you will be.
