Truth time, Pandas: being an adult is super difficult. I know, I know, this isn’t anything stellar or groundbreaking, but it’s the truth. Frankly, schools and universities ought to have courses on how to be an adult. I for one would have gone to every single seminar because there were tons of things I had no idea about: from how to correctly pay taxes to how looking for a job actually works and beyond.

It’s stressful, it’s overwhelming, and it might make you want to hide away from all of life’s responsibilities (at least for a little while). What do you mean, I have to cook, exercise, work, study, maintain my social life, and aim for my dreams at the same time?! Isn’t that a tad too much for a single person to handle? And that doesn't even cover the emotional challenges that come with dealing with true loss as we grow older.

Redditors have been discussing the adult problems they weren’t prepared for in a viral thread and we’ve collected some of the best comments. Have a read through them below and let us know which ones you agree with, Pandas. I know that I’ve run into most (if not all) of these problems when I made the jump from ‘teenager’ to ‘clueless young adult.’ Odds are, so have you.

#1

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Going from having tons of friends to really having no one.

eternalrefuge86 , Tim Bogdanov Report

Lyone Fein
Community Member
1 month ago

Most of us only have one or two people in our lives deserving of the title friend.

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#2

How f**king dark life actually is. Like, is this all we do, just grind away at jobs we try to care about, but no one else cares about, barely able to afford our bills/houses/debts, constantly struggling with relationships and trauma and watching our political system fail us, our country fail us, our systems fail us, like... this life is not what happy, adolescent me dreamed it would be. Sorry to get real dark on y’all.

choadally Report

NsG
Community Member
1 month ago

Adding to the darkness - the helpless feeling that the political system keeps failing and there is *nothing you can do about it*. Go and vote, - it's important but if you're like me and in a 100+ year Tory safe seat, all you're really doing is shouting into the void. (I'm not kidding, the constituency I live in has been Tory since it was formed in about 1898, and only briefly dipped below 50% of the votes - the rest were split, so the Tory still got the majority - once just after WWII)

Mohsie Supposie
Community Member
1 month ago

"First Past the Post" system sucks!

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Otter
Community Member
1 month ago

And that is one I f the many reasons I never had children.

ZAPanda
Community Member
1 month ago

I asked my eldest kid the other day what he thought of life so far , and he said "it's pretty good!". I think it depends on how much darkness there has been in your life experience.

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Mark Fuller
Community Member
1 month ago

Can't say I disagree in the slightest. As my father had always said - dying is the easy bit! It's life that's hard work.

Alexia
Community Member
1 month ago

It may be dark, but most of the times you have the power to bring light in the lives of other people who are less fortunate (and in yours too). :) Yes, I know it seems there is no big impact of you help some children get access to education, for example. But for those children, it's life changing.

Jean Shultz
Community Member
1 month ago (edited)

And people keep having children, so they too can grow up and feel the exact same way as their parents do. If I could do life all over again, knowing what I know now. I wouldn't have kids. As a parent it's devastating to see your kids suffer and struggle through their lives. Life IS dark and the moments of LIGHT are few.

eSayJay
Community Member
1 month ago

Having children has been my greatest joy, and then we adopted one. He has been so grateful, bringing a sense of love that is hard to explain. I cry reading this.

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Vorknkx
Community Member
1 month ago

It helps, if you can find a job you enjoy. I hated my previous workplace and felt exactly like the author of this post. But then I moved to a better place, met some really cool new coworkers (people who actually support one another), and things didn't seem so dark anymore...

Brian Brown
Community Member
1 month ago

I feel you, whole-heartedly, on this one. I am relieved to know that i am not the only one that feels like this.

Buck Up
Community Member
1 month ago

To the jaundiced eye, all the world is yellow.

eSayJay
Community Member
1 month ago

Lately the most difficult is saying goodbye to friends that have died.

eSayJay
Community Member
1 month ago

I found hope following Jesus Christ. Not trying to proselytize just trying to share what works. I don't consider myself religious, just in touch with the spiritual.

Frankenfrog
Community Member
1 month ago

That's like saying you found hope in reading Harry Potter

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Bender Bending Rodríguez
Community Member
1 month ago

Oof. Boy do I agree with this. I'd like to upvote this thousand times. This is the truth that hurts so much.

WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
1 month ago

Or, you work your 38 workweek, go home to your family and spend quality time with them and don't worry about living in a dystopian society.

Frankenfrog
Community Member
1 month ago

Not everyone chooses to ignore reality.

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Lola
Community Member
1 month ago

No need to feel sorry. That is the sad truth.

Sagtiya Sieelan
Community Member
1 month ago

Exactly.. this is going on every where in the world.

Tara Trainor
Community Member
1 month ago

I feel like I wrote that. I feel the exact same way and think about it often.

L hill
Community Member
1 month ago

Yep. All we are is dust in the wind

Alexandra Comeau
Community Member
1 month ago

... only to die in the end anyways. I wish someone asked me if I wanted to be on this planet before I was born.

Candia Lee
Community Member
1 month ago

Those are the moments you need to stop and find gratitude, be in the now. Enjoy a pretty weed, a bird song, a flavor. Now is the only time you really have. Don't live in yesterday or tomorrow.

Ueda
Community Member
1 month ago

Not entirely true. The top 1% don't struggle as much as the rest. They can actually enjoy life and, especially, the labor of other people. But it's true that the vast majority of kids are not prepared for how unfair society is.

Verena Abt
Community Member
1 month ago

The saying "ignorance is bliss" is not sarcastic. I always thought it was. It's actually true not to be aware of the s**t that goes on around you.

AC pro
Community Member
1 month ago

Find your meaning in life and the legacy you wish to leave. Stop focusing on the stuff everyone has to deal with, and has always had to deal with - because that’s not going to change.

Beth Arriaga
Community Member
1 month ago

This is so true. I remember asking / telling my mom I didn't want to wake up, go to work, come home, make dinner for the family and the kids I pushed out, do homework and then go to bed. Then do it all over Again. I listened to my just barely an adult son ask me the exact same question yesterday. I told him to run. Travel. Experience things. I would help him as much as I could financially. I don't want him to fall into the same routine. There has got to be more.

Marilyn Ransberry
Community Member
1 month ago

You’ll feel better about it if you get politically involved. Volunteer, work to get out the vote, work an election, donate to a party even the one you like in another area to help them get elected.

Shelby Jackson
Community Member
1 month ago

I feel this

DennyS (denzoren)
Community Member
1 month ago

THIS! EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Maribel Reigstad
Community Member
1 month ago

Not to mention healthcare.

KT
Community Member
1 month ago

buy less house then, we all want the biggest we can afford but that is not a wise decision. Be happy with less and you will have more money and less financial burdens

InfectedVoice
Community Member
1 month ago

And then we die, a good chance through a slow and painful illness or disease of some sort.

LiberalDisease
Community Member
1 month ago

Voting in Amerika is worthless...

Danwise
Community Member
1 month ago

Mega feels, man. Mega feels.

LaGitanaTriste
Community Member
1 month ago

This!

Sarah Sorbel
Community Member
1 month ago

100%

Zillyboy
Community Member
1 month ago

It is all how you look at things. In the west, we live in the freest age ever, with the least concerns about starving, we have as much employment as we want. To say that nobody cares about your work... people are paying you, and they won't pay for things they care nothing about; work is also a way to serve others/family/self - think about what happens in England when there are no gasoline truck drivers. Governments always have problems, but people seem to do okay under them and much better than under anarchy. Life can be a wonderful thing.

iblowsheep
Community Member
1 month ago

i don;t know about calling it Dark, but that description is reality and i would also add life is utterly pointless. Optimism is nothing more than reality denial and all these f*****g cognitive behavioral therapist asshole feed you bullshit about this stuff i am says being cognitive distortions. They are also in reality denial. Life is a giant ball of s**t, unless you're one of the 1%

Gabriel
Community Member
1 month ago

If the system fails vote someone who cares about social issues. For me i will never have relationships except relatives

Melanie A. Panlilio
Community Member
1 month ago

It helps you to talk about these kinds if things,,,so many of us feel the same,, hugs 🤗 to everyone out there...

ZAPanda
Community Member
1 month ago

If your job is horrible, go to udemy or coursera and get a certificate in something different that interests you. You have more chance to change jobs to something you like better if you have certificates.

Kickin'Wing
Community Member
1 month ago

I'm having a great time. Sorry you're so down.

Chris Freeman
Community Member
1 month ago

Why do you concentrate on others "failing you". What have YOU done to take care of yourself? You say you can barely get by, are you working two or three jobs? Have you continued education, either degrees or professional training? Unless you have done everything you possibly can do, improved yourself as much as possible, its not others failing you, its you failing yourself.

Peter Weir
Community Member
1 month ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

snowflake...just end it now if you beleive this.......what are you doing ot change it? run for government, or sit back and take it ..your choice.....

Tamra Stiffler
Community Member
1 month ago

"Just end it" is your advice? Prick.

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#3

How ignorant so many people are. And seemingly pleased with being so

ohiojeepdad Report

Caro Caro
Community Member
1 month ago

That's a realization you can't prepare for ;)

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The biggest luxuries that adults have are, hands down, time and energy. Without either one of them, you’re likely to get stuck in a monotonous routine of food-work-TV, seemingly, without a way out. And that… that can be demotivating. However, there are ways around this conundrum.

Certified career coach Rita Friedman told Bored Panda that the very first thing that we should think about is what we would use the extra time and energy for if we had it. That’s the first step! Without knowing exactly what your priorities in life are (family, hobbies, health, whatever else you might be interested in), you might not spend your extra time well even if you had it.

#4

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For How often you have to clean to maintain a clean house.

DecadenceXO , CDC Report

Serial pacifist
Community Member
1 month ago

The struggle is real.

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#5

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Aging parents

dabocake , Simon Godfrey Report

NsG
Community Member
1 month ago

This one is really hitting home. I'm in denial with my actual parents, but we saw my mum's sisters recently and they both look so frail (only in their early 70s)

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#6

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Cliques and bullies are just as bad in the office as they were in school.

pulpexploder , Alex Kotliarskyi Report

Karl Baxter
Community Member
1 month ago

Yep - school is work in miniature. Every office environment has the weird kid, the smelly kid, the tell-tale, the bully, etc. As Roy Harper once said “Grown-ups are just silly children”

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The Covid-19 pandemic brought about a significant change in the way that people work. Specifically, plenty of people were asked to work from home if possible. While many folks have returned to the offices as the coronavirus vaccines have been rolled out, plenty of employees still work from home, either full-time or part-time. Though some companies are very wary of allowing their employees to work from home for a variety of reasons.

One of the main disadvantages of working from the office, according to many employees, is the fact that they waste a lot of time and energy commuting to and from work. Time that could be spent with one’s family or, heck, even getting more sleep.

#7

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Dealing with untreated childhood trauma.

caelosentire , Kelly Sikkema Report

Alexia
Community Member
1 month ago

This needs to be higher. You need time to realize that childhood trauma affects your adult life in unexpected ways. You still react in the "freeze-or-fight-or-flight" mode that helped you when the trauma happened. And what you thought was "forgetting and overcoming" was actually "temporary burrying it under the carpet".

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#8

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Losing people. Loved ones passing away is the hardest. Then there’s the nasty breakdown of personal relationships, family relationships and friendships. Then there’s the sad drifting apart that happens when life takes you on a different path to a person you were once really close to.

BlackCaaaaat , Rhodi Lopez Report

Sagtiya Sieelan
Community Member
1 month ago

This is really true. It's so sad to see my parents, uncles & aunts growing old and frail & become sickly. My school friends who were close to me are all now so far away busy with their new life. Some even passed away due to sickness or accidents. Ooooh:-(

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#9

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Deciding what to eat for 3 meals a day 7 days a week

coltonious Report

Mari
Community Member
1 month ago

Every day stress; what can I cook today?

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According to career coach Rita, we should ask ourselves if there’s some way that we could accomplish at least some of our goals on our commute. For instance, if we think that we never have enough time to read, we could try reading a book while on the bus or train. “Or could you shuffle some other responsibility to your commute to free up bandwidth during your downtime?” Rita asked.

Unfortunately, you can’t exactly do a lot of the things you’d like during your commute. For instance, you really shouldn’t be doing anything else if you’re behind the wheel of your car. Or if you’ve got a penchant for art, it’s not like you can show off your water-coloring skills on the underground train.

#10

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Back hurting just from sleeping wrong

badninj4 , Sasun Bughdaryan Report

Lyone Fein
Community Member
1 month ago

Body pains in general........and how permanent they can become.

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#11

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For People rely on you. Both your parents and your kids. You become the filling in a responsibility sandwich and the weight of it is crushing at times.

smolspooderfriend , Nikola Saliba Report

Manny_Flawz
Community Member
1 month ago

It's nice to be needed, but there is a limit to how much you can deal with.

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#12

The snowball effect of poverty. Every major bill or unexpected emergency ($500+) takes you back 6 months to a year. It feels like you're on an escalator made of mud.

curiousnaomi Report

Rider
Community Member
1 month ago

And the toll this stress takes on your mental and physical health.

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That’s why career coach Rita suggests that if combining your commute with your goals and passions simply “doesn’t make sense,” the next “least drastic action” you could do would be to see if you can work remotely. At least some of the time!

“Maybe if you only had to do your commute 60% of the time it would be much more manageable,” Rita said that working remotely even part-time could open up a lot of new possibilities and help manage your time. However, this free time might not be enough for everyone. In that case, you need to seriously consider what’s best for you to live your best life.

#13

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Realizing some friends are s***ty and you shouldn't be friends with them anymore

swampy13 , Korney Violin Report

Karl Baxter
Community Member
1 month ago (edited)

I’ve experienced this. In my teens and 20s I tolerated all manner of people and their habits, ignoring negative traits and behaviour. As I’ve got older I become less tolerant of BS and people quite clearly using me for their own ends. It’s quite liberating to clear these people out of my life. After my old man died I was suddenly aware that life is too short to spend it with poisonous people, they should be consigned to history and chalk it up to experience. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

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#14

The ignorance of people in high places. I used to think at a younger age that someone was where they were due to being the best person for that position or the most qualified. Now I see its more about who you know, tenure, false perceptions, and ratios to name a few.

DiddlyDoRight Report

Joe Blow
Community Member
1 month ago

the people 'in charge' are no smarter than you or me.

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#15

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For How quickly fruits and vegetable actually go bad when you buy them yourself

sea_ewe_in_tea , Alexandr Podvalny Report

MyOpinionHasBeenServed
Community Member
1 month ago

I've learned to just go grocery shopping more frequently in smaller hauls and shorter trips.

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“But if it really comes down to finding a way to end your commute entirely, you might need to transfer, find a new job, or make a move,” she said that in rare cases, you should consider more drastic changes in your life if you want to save more time traveling to and from work.

#16

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For I lost my wife of 35 years. There is no way to prepare and really no way to describe that loss

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gzytb3/comment/ftjt5ti/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 , Matt Botsford Report

Samantha Lomb
Community Member
1 month ago

My dad died in 2014. My mom never got over it and then got knocked down by cancer and having to care for her mother with dementia. The new grandkids seem to help but it looks so miserable for her and not at all what she planned on her retirement being

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#17

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Falling in love at an older age but watching life speed by so fast.

Wished I’d met her 30 years ago.

NightMgr , Joanna Nix-Walkup Report

Chiuki
Community Member
1 month ago

I love the sentiment, but 30 years ago, we were both very different people and frankly not ready for each other. I'm sure I would have messed up our relationship somehow.

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#18

The depression dude, the depression

And the feeling of loneliness, even when you have people around you.

unknown Report

Alexia
Community Member
1 month ago (edited)

Yep. I've been struggling with depression since childhood - not knowing it was depression. Get therapy, it works. There are some associations and helplines that offer it free of charge - look for them. You are stronger than you think. Stay safe.

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#19

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Not being able to leave a job you hate because you might just become homeless without it

Go_J , Christin Hume Report

Luther von Wolfen
Community Member
1 month ago

Yep. And I work at a homeless shelter.

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#20

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Dealing with your parents acting like children.

rchaw , Georgijevic Report

Wistiti
Community Member
1 month ago

So true! How often I have to tell off my mother, insist she sees a doctor, getting frustrated because she won't listen to reason. And no, she has no mental condition - at least for now.

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#21

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Trying to make friends

Poka_poke , Kimson Doan Report

Sum Guy
Community Member
1 month ago

I really struggle with this one... which makes it even worse because I left one country for another country just recently just before lockdown... so, I've spent more than a year alone working from the apartment

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#22

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For The increasing speed of passing years.

Having nieces only makes the problem worse. Their age and the perceived number of years past doesn't align at all for me

QuarantineTitans Report

Vorknkx
Community Member
1 month ago

I know this feel - time flies faster and faster. It's like the summer started yesterday... and now it's almost the middle of October, and it's raining outside? How???

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#23

Not being able to sleep due to stress. Yet here I lay, exhausted but wide awake.

When I was younger I could sleep anytime, anywhere.

JonnyWax Report

Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
1 month ago

Ugh, I'm really feeling this one.

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#24

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For My job is destroying my mental health but I need a job so I can pay my bills.

If I reduce my hours for better work/life balance, I lose my insurance during a global pandemic.

Qjfomentl , Nik Shuliahin Report

Dave
Community Member
1 month ago

This only ever is posted by Americans. This particular issue and I see it all the f*****g time.

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#25

It's entirely possible to lose your job through no fault of your own

Aperture_T Report

Vorknkx
Community Member
1 month ago

Happened to me at least twice. Yes, it sucks.

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#26

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For In my mind, my Momma should be about 40. She has always seemed to be so strong but sometimes I want to fall apart when I see her take several attempts to stand up or make excuses about driving on the interstate. She will be 70 soon but to me, she is still young. I don't know what I'll ever do without her.

LG0110 , Eduardo Barrios Report

Caro Caro
Community Member
1 month ago

Yeah, watching your parents age and having the problems that come with age. Breaking a hip, Alzheimer's, problems with gardening, walking, making a shopping list. It's tough and heart breaking.

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#27

Just how hard it is to lose weight once you're past your 20's.

DeathSpiral321 Report

Caro Caro
Community Member
1 month ago

Don't get me started or I'll explode. This has been a struggle since before my 20's. It sucks. Losing weight is also a mental thing. If your head isn't ready, your body will not cooperate.

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#28

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Pain.

Arthritis is f**king horrible and early onset autoimmune arthritis is worse than just having an ache in one or two joints. I hurt all the time, everywhere, and everyone just assumes you're faking it or you're a pill popper. I am not going to live another 20 years with this pain like my dad did

porcelina99 , Towfiqu barbhuiya Report

ZAPanda
Community Member
1 month ago

google this, latest treatment option: "UToledo scientists have developed an experimental vaccine against rheumatoid arthritis The protein-based vaccine shows significant promise in preventing rheumatoid arthritis and improving bone quality — suggesting long-term benefits following immunization"

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#29

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Preparing for retirement. Of course everyone knows they will stop working at some point but now that I’m 40, it feels like I really need to get it together. Am I going to continue bad habits that negatively impact my health or will I finally make changes to be healthier later?

My new favorite worry - will I really have enough money to retire AND live comfortably enough to have a good of quality life? 10 years ago this all seemed so far away. Now, it feels like I’m speeding to the next phase of my life.

LizLemonSpaceman , Diana Parkhouse Report

Michael Se
Community Member
1 month ago

What's "retirement"?

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#30

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Adults never actually growing up.

unknown , Helena Lopes Report

Andy Acceber
Community Member
1 month ago

In my experience, adults frequently aren't magically any more capable than children. We've just had more life experiences and more practice. The reverse is also frequently true. Children frequently aren't less capable than adults. They just haven't had the same amount of practice.

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#31

The lack of clear objectives in life. As a kid, your parents tell you to do x so you can do y. School is about chasing grades and measured accomplishments with clear and distinct steps to success. After school, it’s all [freaking] arbitrary. Yeah, people say work hard so you can make money, but there’s no clear pathways. Everything seems circuitous and having goals barely helps inform how to achieve them. Also, you can work your [freaking] ass off and still be broke.

jcpearce Report

Vorknkx
Community Member
1 month ago

My personal philosophy is that the "purpose" in life is what you decide it to be. There is no list of objectives or mandatory timetable to guide you - you just live and make the best out of it.

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#32

You have to buy insurance but can never use the insurance or else no one will sell you insurance.

scarlett_o_o Report

Mike Ieva
Community Member
1 month ago

'murica?

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#33

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For The lack of time for myself. Life is all work, housework, yard work, child care, bills, emails, phone calls...

HawaiianShirtsOR , christopher lemercier Report

miss miss
Community Member
1 month ago

I loved my life when it was like this. Now I am a lonely retired widow

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#34

The amount of family get togethers you don’t want to go to after you get married.

bebebaker Report

Simzabandz
Community Member
1 month ago

ALL OF THEM Mostly because all the snakes are there...

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#35

You can work full time and still not have enough money for everything you need. I never worried about that as a kid because I always figured I have a good job (and I do!)

TheHarperValleyPTA Report

MyOpinionHasBeenServed
Community Member
1 month ago

I always thought parents who work always had extra money to do anything. Begged my mom to take me to Disneyland because "all the other classmates went". She always said no and I used to think it was because she didn't want to for the sheer sake she didn't like having fun at places with kids. Turns out that was only one of the reasons. I had no clue she couldn't afford to take me. She was very private about the finances. With my kid, I've been very open about the finances so she understands why I say no. It helped prevent begging for sure.

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#36

Dealing with people, so stressful

My_reddit101 Report

Scagsy
Community Member
1 month ago

I like to assume that everyone is an ignorant buffoon and if they prove otherwise, that's great.

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#37

Having a presentable place, and debating myself on why it matters. It always frustrated me when my parents had a guest over and we had to deep clean the whole house. Like if it’s my close friend of 8 years visiting, why do I care what they care about my cleanliness? And yet, every time people are over I find myself cleaning the apartment up for some reason.

slothbarns7 Report

A B C
Community Member
1 month ago (edited)

Meh, for me it's the other way round: especially since the pandemic, I enjoy having someone come over because it makes me *want* to clean up my appartment. I do that for myself way too rarely.

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#38

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Having others rely on you as an emotional ballast. I can barely stay sane myself, let alone carry the weight of someone else's sanity.

unknown , Brooke Cagle Report

Kay blue
Community Member
1 month ago

I'm currently supporting two people who are going through tough times and it's really hard. I'm not in good health but they need me so I have to put aside the pain and exhaustion I feel.

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#39

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For Dental costs. Not only is it just expensive it is so much more choice. Unlike say a broken arm where you have to get it fixed a chipped tooth or other minor need is on you even the dentist will be like "up to you man". Then on top of that the insurance for dental is just about the worst thing on the planet, it also seems arbitrary. 900 dollar night guard that doesnt actually fix the problem and will likely still lead to major issues in the future sure no problem insurance paid in full. 2000 on realignment to actually fix the thing causing the grinding issue? No way in hell, you are over 19!

unknown , Diana Polekhina Report

Helen Haley
Community Member
1 month ago

I hate that dental is considered 'cosmetic'. Because apparently wanting to chew and not be in pain is cosmetic.

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#40

40 Adult Problems That People Were Not Prepared For The constant obsessive feeling that I'm fast running out of time to have an enjoyable life even though I'm only in my twenties

DeathBat92 Report

dee dee
Community Member
1 month ago

You have to make the best out of everything. Enjoy everything you can, to the fullest. Life is short, but if you fill it with the things you loke, with learning, with knowing, it will become full. No matter if you enjoy travelling or just sipping tea on a rainy day - just enjoy the moment. It's not a race, there is no destination, so enjoy the road. Also, be kind. Be the kind of person your dog think you are. Show others the kindness you wish others had shown you.

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