Woman Shares A Powerful Message Explaining Why Friends Can’t Always Be There For You, And It’s Eye-Opening
Sometimes life takes us by surprise and but at least we can always turn to our friends for help and support, but what happens when your friends can’t be there for you? Do you consider them bad friends or do you think that once you grow up you should learn to only trust yourself?
Recently, one Tumblr user Kushandwizdom stated that friends are useless if they can’t be there for you during the most crucial times. People quickly jumped to respond, pointing out that once you’re an adult, being a good and supportive friend isn’t always that easy. One comment, written by Robin Ross, received a lot of attention after she pointed out that just because a friend can’t come to help you, it does not mean they are a bad friend. “I’ve been in many situations where adult matters had to come before being there for a friend in a time of need. It’s not easy, it’s not fun, but it is a fact of life. If I leave my job because my best friend was just served divorce papers, then I’m going to be fired. It’s not realistic for me to walk out of my job, the only income in my household because my best friend is emotionally distraught”, Robin told Bored Panda. “I would like to add that if someone is putting pressure on you to be there for them 24/7 and claims if you’re not, you’re not a good friend – that’s emotional abuse and should be addressed.”
Scroll down to read the entire text, and don’t forget to tell us what you think in the comments! (Facebook cover image: marneejill)
More info: mymindsecho
Recently, one Tumblr user stated that friends are useless if they can’t be there for you when you need them the most
Image credits: marneejill
But one person quickly pointed out that once you’re an adult, being there for your friend is not always possible
Image credits: GiselaFotografie
Many people started sharing their own personal experiences about what it’s like to be a supportive friend
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Share on FacebookI almost feel bad for the person who said that friends are useless if they aren't there when they need them the most. With that mindset, do they even have any friends? Is this based on experience? I feel like I need more information to judge.
I was not there for one of my best friends when she needed me, for several months, because I was going through a period of deep anxiety. She forgave me for it, which has helped me to forgive myself. I still regret it, but I understand that it's okay to be flawed. We do the best we can, and hope that it's enough.
I went through something similar with a friend. She was going through something and expected that I could be her rock, but I simply did not have it in me at that moment because I was going through my own issues. It took us a while to recover, but I think it helped us create some boundaries our friendship.
Load More Replies...I know a man that is always there for his friends, ready to drop everything for them. The kind of guy that let his wife paint the kitchen all by herself the day they were supposed to do it ( A friend had call in the morning, he broke his car 300 km away). The kind of guy that didn't come to his son school play (A friend needed him to move in his new house). The kind of guy that didn't help his wife to prepare the huge dinner he "organised" for friends engagement (he was running with a friend that needed motivation to lose weight). My cousin divorced that man... oh and he missed his son 10th birthday party (his new girlfriend was too sad to stay alone this day)
My dad passed away on July. He got sick, was at the hospital for 2 weeks. I am the only family he had in the area. So.. yeah... I felt lonely as F. The loneliest I've ever felt in my life. One day I even went to facebook and posted that I needed ANY friend with me at that moment to give me a hug. Nobody could be with me. But I get it... we can't ALWAYS run to be with our friends at the exact moment they need it (work, family, living abroad). But at least I had a convo with my BFFs on whatsapp. We all live in different cities. And I appreciate that. And even though none of my friends could be with me and give me the hug I needed... I will always be "there" for them and try to be physically next to them when they need me.
I think the author of the original post, as well as many many people world wide, has taken the expression too literally. Being always there for someone does not neccessarily mean to drop everything and run to them. If you're true friends, you can trust your troubled friend won't take it personal if you're currently unavailable, and will appreciate you actually answered the call to tell them that. If you can't make it right now, if you really care about that person, you will instinctively offer an alternative time and place that suits you both. And then you both will stick to the schedule, and dedicate yourselves to one another. The conclusion is → it's not about HAVING time for you, it's about MAKING time.
Lol, love the last comment there about whether people actually have good friends as adults. Sorry, married and have kids and personal health issues so I’m not available to people outside my family. It’s juvenile to think people ought to drop everything for you. And very selfish.
The only people you should drop everything for are family (particularly your own kids). For everyone else, you try to make as much time as possible as soon as possible and that's either enough or it isn't. It might be a cynical attitude but in my experience there are too many people that use people that are too nice.
After being in the military, I have wonderful friends all around the world. But I do not expect any of them to drop everything and fly out to be by my side. When it came time to send my 13 year old boxer to the Bridge, I did it alone. But I had many texts, phone calls, and virtual hugs (not as satisfying as the real thing) - knowing that I have the support there, was enough to move on with life. <3 I did have a couple that told me they would drive/fly to my house... however, it wasn't necessary. I am adulting (quite well) and it was enough to know that they care!
There is a difference between friends and best friends. I'm an adult. I work full time, go to school part-time and have all the responsibility as any other adult. There is literally now many hours in the week of "free time". But if someone I consider as a best friend calls me and need my help, I would drop anything to help him or her. We are adults, we don't call for help unless it is important, especially if they call me, knowing my busy schedule. My meaning of friendship is be there for each other in all times, especially the bad times, even if i have to put my own life on a hold for an hour of a day. One hour for me could mean to world to someone else. Act, be, do good and you will threat the same way.
my definition of best friend is someone who i can share with, either a secret or just a lame a*s joke. if they can be there for me when i need, then it's good. if not, i'll just get other people for help or try to cope with it myself. then, chat about it when we finally met
A friend decided to cut me off after I couldn't make an event of hers, due to being unwell and leaving town for a bit to find a place to rest and get better. It took a long time to get over just being thrown aside, even after extending an olive branch in an attempt to make peace.
The Tumblr user never said that the friend has to "stop everything and should be there for them all the time till they get over the crucial time. The main reply given by "mymindsecho" is the perfect example of people seeking attention by trying to be the smartest person in the room. When you can't help, please don't make it worse and just ignore. When people are down and getting through a tough time, all they need is motivation to get through the tough times. Just calling in to check on you or paying a random visit is enough, whenever possible(but not very late). The society now a days functions in such a way that dropping a message is considered enough. No its not enough. Friends who dont try to help in any way(even the smallest) are not friends.They go back to being your acquaintance.
When my mother was dying this spring, I had to travel long distances and stay in a hotel for almost a month. It was probably the hardest month of my life so far. I discovered that three people - one who I haven't seen in 20 years, one I hadn't seen in ten, and one who lives near me - ALL were ready to get on an airplane to be there for me. These were the three people that I would do the same for. ...///... If any one of them called, I would be there for them within 24 hours, no matter what. It's nice to know that they'd do it for me, too. ...///... I'm a pretty extreme introvert and I count very few people among my friends, but these three women are more important than family. ...///... My family wouldn't cross the street to put me out if I was on fire, and I feel the same about them.
It's lucky that you had that experience. Unfortunately for a lot of people, that just isn't the case, and it's naive to pin that responsibility on someone else and then label them useless if they can't, for whatever reason, pull through. The fact of the matter is that a majority of people have daily struggles and people that depend on them on a daily basis, so literally dropping everything at a moment's notice to physically be there for someone is not only difficult, but can be impossible. My best friend's father passed away while I was out of the country. Therefore, there was no way that I could physically be there for her at that time. She understood that. I've had several rough times where she couldn't be there for me. The part where the friendship is not "useless" is that we both have an understanding of what each of us is going through at a particular moment and the circumstances for which either of us just can't make it to be by the other's side in a moment of need.
Load More Replies...If you have a friend that is always having a crisis and expects you to be there or bail them out and you always show up for their kids' things but they never show any support for you then it is time to drop that "friend".
There was a time when I was always there for a best friend. Especially when she had her first child. But I quickly realized that my actions were not being appreciated or reciprocated. So i really started to become selfish with my time. It got to the point where when I stopped going to her house, her boyfriend texted me suggesting that I surprise my friend by showing up that weekend. As in "drop everything you're doing yet again for us". Yeah, no. I shut that down. My time is my time. Now I'm selfish about what I do for people.
I kinda agree but also disagree. It depends on your life and your friends life. I recently tried to kill my self, but I manage to convince myself otherwise. I came to a friend asking for help, and instead of helping me, telling him that all I needed was him to care about me for once instead of always hanging with his other friend and using university as an excuse. But I know he procrastinates, so I find it unfair that he says he's busy when I say i needed him. So yes life can be busy for everyone, but it's also not hard to show a friend you still care about them in some way. When you know you should but you don't, so no, friends are meant to be there for each other.
Sometimes I don't hear from my best friend for weeks. We are both working moms with 2 young boys, and complicated relationships with our partners. Doesn't mean we don't think about each other, or don't care how life's going. We both struggle, and know that the other is there for us. Not always physically there, but ALWAYS in heart and in mind. And when we do see each other, it's like we never left. Totally in sync, every time. I LOVE HER!
People just have unrealistic expectations of what "there for you means". Friends can give you a shoulder to cry on, but they can't "save you". You have to ask. Don't post on facebook that you are lonely and expect your friend to rush to your side. You have to ask for what you need and except that your friends are people with lives.
The person who said this must be too lonely and weak that it already contaminated their views about what real friendship is. If this person is already an adult with good friends who can't be there for him/her all the time when needed, this person is considered an immature and selfish sh*t.
I almost feel bad for the person who said that friends are useless if they aren't there when they need them the most. With that mindset, do they even have any friends? Is this based on experience? I feel like I need more information to judge.
I was not there for one of my best friends when she needed me, for several months, because I was going through a period of deep anxiety. She forgave me for it, which has helped me to forgive myself. I still regret it, but I understand that it's okay to be flawed. We do the best we can, and hope that it's enough.
I went through something similar with a friend. She was going through something and expected that I could be her rock, but I simply did not have it in me at that moment because I was going through my own issues. It took us a while to recover, but I think it helped us create some boundaries our friendship.
Load More Replies...I know a man that is always there for his friends, ready to drop everything for them. The kind of guy that let his wife paint the kitchen all by herself the day they were supposed to do it ( A friend had call in the morning, he broke his car 300 km away). The kind of guy that didn't come to his son school play (A friend needed him to move in his new house). The kind of guy that didn't help his wife to prepare the huge dinner he "organised" for friends engagement (he was running with a friend that needed motivation to lose weight). My cousin divorced that man... oh and he missed his son 10th birthday party (his new girlfriend was too sad to stay alone this day)
My dad passed away on July. He got sick, was at the hospital for 2 weeks. I am the only family he had in the area. So.. yeah... I felt lonely as F. The loneliest I've ever felt in my life. One day I even went to facebook and posted that I needed ANY friend with me at that moment to give me a hug. Nobody could be with me. But I get it... we can't ALWAYS run to be with our friends at the exact moment they need it (work, family, living abroad). But at least I had a convo with my BFFs on whatsapp. We all live in different cities. And I appreciate that. And even though none of my friends could be with me and give me the hug I needed... I will always be "there" for them and try to be physically next to them when they need me.
I think the author of the original post, as well as many many people world wide, has taken the expression too literally. Being always there for someone does not neccessarily mean to drop everything and run to them. If you're true friends, you can trust your troubled friend won't take it personal if you're currently unavailable, and will appreciate you actually answered the call to tell them that. If you can't make it right now, if you really care about that person, you will instinctively offer an alternative time and place that suits you both. And then you both will stick to the schedule, and dedicate yourselves to one another. The conclusion is → it's not about HAVING time for you, it's about MAKING time.
Lol, love the last comment there about whether people actually have good friends as adults. Sorry, married and have kids and personal health issues so I’m not available to people outside my family. It’s juvenile to think people ought to drop everything for you. And very selfish.
The only people you should drop everything for are family (particularly your own kids). For everyone else, you try to make as much time as possible as soon as possible and that's either enough or it isn't. It might be a cynical attitude but in my experience there are too many people that use people that are too nice.
After being in the military, I have wonderful friends all around the world. But I do not expect any of them to drop everything and fly out to be by my side. When it came time to send my 13 year old boxer to the Bridge, I did it alone. But I had many texts, phone calls, and virtual hugs (not as satisfying as the real thing) - knowing that I have the support there, was enough to move on with life. <3 I did have a couple that told me they would drive/fly to my house... however, it wasn't necessary. I am adulting (quite well) and it was enough to know that they care!
There is a difference between friends and best friends. I'm an adult. I work full time, go to school part-time and have all the responsibility as any other adult. There is literally now many hours in the week of "free time". But if someone I consider as a best friend calls me and need my help, I would drop anything to help him or her. We are adults, we don't call for help unless it is important, especially if they call me, knowing my busy schedule. My meaning of friendship is be there for each other in all times, especially the bad times, even if i have to put my own life on a hold for an hour of a day. One hour for me could mean to world to someone else. Act, be, do good and you will threat the same way.
my definition of best friend is someone who i can share with, either a secret or just a lame a*s joke. if they can be there for me when i need, then it's good. if not, i'll just get other people for help or try to cope with it myself. then, chat about it when we finally met
A friend decided to cut me off after I couldn't make an event of hers, due to being unwell and leaving town for a bit to find a place to rest and get better. It took a long time to get over just being thrown aside, even after extending an olive branch in an attempt to make peace.
The Tumblr user never said that the friend has to "stop everything and should be there for them all the time till they get over the crucial time. The main reply given by "mymindsecho" is the perfect example of people seeking attention by trying to be the smartest person in the room. When you can't help, please don't make it worse and just ignore. When people are down and getting through a tough time, all they need is motivation to get through the tough times. Just calling in to check on you or paying a random visit is enough, whenever possible(but not very late). The society now a days functions in such a way that dropping a message is considered enough. No its not enough. Friends who dont try to help in any way(even the smallest) are not friends.They go back to being your acquaintance.
When my mother was dying this spring, I had to travel long distances and stay in a hotel for almost a month. It was probably the hardest month of my life so far. I discovered that three people - one who I haven't seen in 20 years, one I hadn't seen in ten, and one who lives near me - ALL were ready to get on an airplane to be there for me. These were the three people that I would do the same for. ...///... If any one of them called, I would be there for them within 24 hours, no matter what. It's nice to know that they'd do it for me, too. ...///... I'm a pretty extreme introvert and I count very few people among my friends, but these three women are more important than family. ...///... My family wouldn't cross the street to put me out if I was on fire, and I feel the same about them.
It's lucky that you had that experience. Unfortunately for a lot of people, that just isn't the case, and it's naive to pin that responsibility on someone else and then label them useless if they can't, for whatever reason, pull through. The fact of the matter is that a majority of people have daily struggles and people that depend on them on a daily basis, so literally dropping everything at a moment's notice to physically be there for someone is not only difficult, but can be impossible. My best friend's father passed away while I was out of the country. Therefore, there was no way that I could physically be there for her at that time. She understood that. I've had several rough times where she couldn't be there for me. The part where the friendship is not "useless" is that we both have an understanding of what each of us is going through at a particular moment and the circumstances for which either of us just can't make it to be by the other's side in a moment of need.
Load More Replies...If you have a friend that is always having a crisis and expects you to be there or bail them out and you always show up for their kids' things but they never show any support for you then it is time to drop that "friend".
There was a time when I was always there for a best friend. Especially when she had her first child. But I quickly realized that my actions were not being appreciated or reciprocated. So i really started to become selfish with my time. It got to the point where when I stopped going to her house, her boyfriend texted me suggesting that I surprise my friend by showing up that weekend. As in "drop everything you're doing yet again for us". Yeah, no. I shut that down. My time is my time. Now I'm selfish about what I do for people.
I kinda agree but also disagree. It depends on your life and your friends life. I recently tried to kill my self, but I manage to convince myself otherwise. I came to a friend asking for help, and instead of helping me, telling him that all I needed was him to care about me for once instead of always hanging with his other friend and using university as an excuse. But I know he procrastinates, so I find it unfair that he says he's busy when I say i needed him. So yes life can be busy for everyone, but it's also not hard to show a friend you still care about them in some way. When you know you should but you don't, so no, friends are meant to be there for each other.
Sometimes I don't hear from my best friend for weeks. We are both working moms with 2 young boys, and complicated relationships with our partners. Doesn't mean we don't think about each other, or don't care how life's going. We both struggle, and know that the other is there for us. Not always physically there, but ALWAYS in heart and in mind. And when we do see each other, it's like we never left. Totally in sync, every time. I LOVE HER!
People just have unrealistic expectations of what "there for you means". Friends can give you a shoulder to cry on, but they can't "save you". You have to ask. Don't post on facebook that you are lonely and expect your friend to rush to your side. You have to ask for what you need and except that your friends are people with lives.
The person who said this must be too lonely and weak that it already contaminated their views about what real friendship is. If this person is already an adult with good friends who can't be there for him/her all the time when needed, this person is considered an immature and selfish sh*t.
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