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“I Adopted A ‘Perfect’ Micro-Preemie & Was By His Side As He Died 8 Days Later”
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“I Adopted A ‘Perfect’ Micro-Preemie & Was By His Side As He Died 8 Days Later”

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Julie and David have a total of 11 kids, 3 homegrown and 8 adopted. One of them, Cane, was in this world for a very short moment. The boy was a micro-preemie (someone who’s born weighing less than 1 pound, 12 ounces (800 grams) or before 26 weeks of gestation), and even though the family did everything they could to keep him alive, he died just 8 days after he was born. However, he will remain with the family forever.

“Our faith and the ability not to just give up [have kept us together during these difficult days],” Julie told Bored Panda. “I advocated until the end.”

Julie said that Cane reminded all of them how truly important family really is and that our stay on Earth is never promised. While dealing with the loss, she agreed to share her story and gave permission to republish her essay.

More info: lovemycrazybigfamily.com | Facebook | Instagram

While dealing with the loss of her child, Julie shared her emotional essay

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

Our adoption journey has been nothing less than a roller-coaster. We have three homegrown (biological) older children and all our six “Littles” are adopted.

After our first four adoptions, we had a failed match again. But then there was a light when we matched with our most handsome son, who was a micro-preemie. He was born at 25 weeks and we adopted as soon as he was discharged from the hospital at six months. Then we quickly matched again with a mama who was not due until August. Our journey had many twists and turns.

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We were working on getting into a new routine with our micro-preemie while anxiously awaiting the arrival of our second baby boy, Cane.

A little more than two weeks ago, I was standing in the exit line of the neurology office for three of our littles when I thought I would check my messages. I started to scroll and found myself reading a message that broke my heart. The mama that we had matched with for adoption, though not due for 16 weeks, was in crisis and we live clear across the United States.

As one message read, “her water broke”

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

Standing there with our now 8-month-old who is our micro-preemie, I could not stop crying thinking about the mama and the baby, praying all would be OK. As the next few hours were merely a blur, one thing that was not: the need to get to the mama to love and support her, no matter what was to happen as the medical staff was doing everything they could to stop her from delivering a premature baby.

I planned the trip across the country to ensure I had time to spend with the mama, to listen, to pray, to love, and to support her

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Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

Anyone who has been in the hospital knows the stay is never fun. We were all told she was going to be there for a while. Having everything handled on the home front, I planned the weekend trip, which to my surprise became much longer. I arrived to find mama started contracting and the baby was soon on its way … 16 weeks early, making him another micro-preemie. All I wanted was everyone to be OK. My prayers became repetitive as I felt so helpless. Sitting in the waiting area, I researched everything on premature deliveries that I could. I had trouble reading some things, although there were some amazing stories. Plus, we have an amazing story with our own micro-preemie. I continued to pray over and over that mama and baby would be OK and if any storm would come, we would all make it through.

Little did I know, the storm carrying a precious baby boy, who would be soon joining our family, was right in the tailspin of a hurricane

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

I had quickly become his anchor, trying everything to find a way to get him out. Never in my wildest dreams did I think any of this was to come. I am a planner. However, our schedule always has something, from therapy, appointments, school, outings. I reluctantly flew home on a Sunday, greeted by pitter-pat of feet along with a whirlwind of emotions.

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My heart felt for the mama whom I have grown to love, and our son, who was laying in an isolette without anyone there except medical staff

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

The hurricane was only getting stronger. All the while, all I could think was I was a failure. I was not there to protect him. I was not there stalking his isolette to let him know he had a family waiting … this big, crazy family who loves him.

Less than eight hours after getting home, I got a call that I wish upon no one.

Many doctors expressed their concerns about the overall prognosis or the possibility he just may not make it through the night. The more the doctor spoke, the more I silently prayed while trying to listen to the umpteen medical terms. The conversation concluded as to what should and should not be done.

All the while, I knew I needed to get back to the NICU

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Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

However, I was overwhelmed with a burning need: We needed to travel as a family. At the time, I was not sure why but I knew it needed to happen. I would soon realize the decision for all of us to go was one of the best decisions I made.

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Sitting down with my husband, David, we figured out the best way to travel with all the littles, some of our older kiddos, and work around work, daily therapies, and appointments which have been on the calendar for months.

The trip was set, but as each day came, so did the daily calls from the doctors and the grim reality that he may not make it through the next hour.

There came a point where I did not want to answer the phone. I insistently prayed and asked for “prayer warriors” to cover our baby boy. I posted daily on social media asking for help in prayer to the specific needs as the doctors gave their updates. It seemed there was always a time in the day we were told he just not might make the next hour. This prompted my husband to reach out to family who lived near the hospital, asking them to please go and be with our little guy. We did not want him to be alone if things were really going in a downward spiral.

I cannot thank them enough for dropping everything on a moment’s notice and getting the hospital until we could get there

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

In the meantime, I changed our already set plans to leave sooner, canceled everything on the calendar, loaded our car, and set out for our baby, who was without his mama and family. When we finally arrived, I settled all the kids in the hotel with our older daughter, allowing me to arrive in the NICU in the wee hours of the morning. I was greeted by his nurse, a respiratory therapist. All I saw was the beautiful, most amazing baby boy fighting to live. By this time, he did not look like the little boy who I left that previous Sunday. Only three days had gone by and he was anemic and not moving. He was so small with so many tubes and wires encumbering his little body.

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I just wanted to trade places. I wanted him to beat the E. coli infection that was ravaging his system

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

There was a part of our stay when we saw progress, miracles, although they were quickly followed by the same question from different medical professionals: “What are your wishes and how aggressive do you want the treatment?”

I felt like a broken record, but I also felt like a silent voice. I stalked the NICU by telephone when I was not there physically, calling for results, calling for updates, calling just because, and trying to keep everything together in our makeshift home of a hotel room. As minutes turned into hours and then into the days, we really were able to witness several miracles, things we specifically prayed for and requested from others.

Our little one would come through on one but take three steps back on others. As I stood at his isolette’s side, I would read the comments left by others on the daily updates I was posting while reading scripture from the Bible. He was listening and God was right there with him. However, we quickly found out that even though one or two things would be successful, another one or two things would not. Finally, it all came to a head as we had another heart-to-heart talk with another doctor. I asked questions where I was not even sure I knew where they came from. We all agreed to an electroencephalogram (EEG) to determine if our little boy was still the little boy had seen several days earlier.

His head was so small, I was not even sure if they would be able to fit all the EEG leads

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

He received his crown, as we call it. I had to excuse myself while the technician finished placing all the leads, because there was a part of me that did not want to know anything. I returned about an hour into the test, seeing the screen, lines going across … I just cried. I cried uncontrollably. Our family has had their share of EEGs and I have seen many results. I am not a doctor, not even close, but I knew even with the little hiccup here and there the lines I was witnessing were not in his favor. I knew in my heart our precious baby boy did not have any brain activity and it was not long before the medical professionals were confirming my worst fear.

When the doctor was speaking to me and giving the results, a part of me felt gone.

I know there is a reason for everything, but why bring precious baby Cane into the world only to take him out eight days later? I was sad, mad, and most of all, I felt as if I was letting his first mama down — a feeling I wish upon no one! I requested that any wires and tubes that could be removed from him be gone so I could finally hold him close to my heart.

For several hours I was able to love him more, sleep with him, and just have those moments, those moments to cherish

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

As the first light of the morning approached, I left the hospital to get the rest of the family from the hotel, not really knowing how we were going to get through the day where our little boy would receive his angel wings. I knew that, as a family, we could do anything. Though it may be hard, we would get through it together. Our little boy was given so much love without being in an isolette or encumbered by tubes and wires. He was held, snuggled, and read to from a big crazy family who found light and love from him. I will not lie, I questioned our decision many times over and was reassured that our little boy was so sick that if he had stayed in utero another week or even a few days longer, he would have been stillborn.

As early evening came, I had hoped he felt so much love

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

Even if he did not know it, he had given so much love to our family. Eight days is never enough to have with anyone in comparison to a lifetime, but I know we will cherish every moment we were given. As his passing came and the doctor gave the official declaration, our little guy has his tiny footprints forever stamped on my heart. I was asked this past week how I could love someone so much I did not give birth too and my answer was, how could you not? He needed us and we needed him, and that is the definition of family.

Our family is truly grateful and blessed by all the love, prayers, thoughts, and outpouring of support through this time

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

I am still in awe of everything and continue to read the comments and posts as it helps in our journey. Our precious Cane made his way into the world for eight precious days and brought light, not only to our life but to many others. God had his plan. Though I still do not understand, I hope one day I will. I have faith our story is not over.

Until we meet again, little one.

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

Image credits: Our Crazy Big Family: The Daily Mix of Life, Love, Laughs & A Bit of Chaos

Julie’s story moved a lot of people

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rl_2 avatar
R L
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend who's baby daughter was born weighing 584g, just over 4 months early. By the grace of God, many, many prayers and much support, she is now a happy healthy 7 year old. It is tragic that a life can be taken away before it has even begun, and it is really heartbreaking that a parent should have to suffer through that and weather the storm. This lady and her family are blessed with beautiful children and were meant to be Cane's parents- he knew love, and he was not alone. If only others were so fortunate.

armyofone avatar
mekala-whitaker avatar
J•J•
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a son in 2012 who was born at 24 weeks and was a micro preemie as well. We lost our son 11 days after birth. I didn't see how he passed would you mind telling me from what? I am so sorry about your loss. I can say that I totally understand. As a mom that last a child, it's a humbling experience for sure. My son's name was Brennan... 🌺

iajdini avatar
Ilir Ajdini
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's amazing how human is this woman, how much love she and her whole family had for that unfortunate little baby. God bless them all!

suitemsewing avatar
Megan Pippenger
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This whole thing made me cry, but the line that unexpectedly struck me so hard was her saying that she felt like she had "failed his first mama". I'm not sure why, because thinking about it it makes perfect sense. She has been through the adoption journey more than once, and she clearly has so much empathy and love and compassion for the women making the difficult decision to give their babies up for adoption, and feels a huge sense of duty to them to provide their child with a wonderful life full of love. Of course she would feel a sense of failure that she had been unable to carry out that promise to Cane's birth mother. I'm not saying she SHOULD, nothing about this is her fault, of course, but I guess I am not used to seeing adoption stories where the adoptive family shows this much care and support for the birth mother. Not that it doesn't happen, i'm sure, but I feel like this is the first time I've seen someone talk so openly and with so much love about the 'first mama'.

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

3 biological and six adopted 'littles'?? Is there a human equivalent to animal hoarders? I think the woman is addicted to the early stage of motherhood. But it's nice to know the premie could feel som human love for its short itme on earth.

susan-herbert345 avatar
SoozeeQ
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's not "hoarding" - her website states that she's adopted special needs children that have nobody else to look after them.

Load More Replies...
maddywright avatar
ツ_Itz_Your_Girl_ツ
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was crying before I read this, then I stopped. I read the title of this post and was like...oh. So then I clicked this and was like oh sh- now I'm crying even more!

goodphuggy avatar
Olivia Masterson
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I'm crying my eyes out now. How I wish I had been blessed with parents like them.

bagpipz avatar
Alex
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely heartbreaking, but as the same time our Lord was gracious enough to lend you His premi servant.

vsswift avatar
Victoria Swift
Community Member
3 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

But remember folks #mybodymychoice, right? Barf. As a mother to a premie I can't imagine anyone supporting abortion. Don't shed a tear over this poor baby if you turn around and fight for the right to kill his counterpart in another womb.

lenaeom avatar
Lena Eom
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ma'am, you are incorrect in so many ways. 1. this baby was born. the baby was wanted, and it had a place to go that was safe and stable after their birth. not all children get that privilege. 2. Abortions are necessary in many cases; medical reasons, and for the safety of the mother included. 3. Not all women have children of their own choice. As someone surrounded by kids who are currently stuck in the foster care system or ended up growing out of them, there are enough children in the world. If a mother cannot bring a child into the world wanting it or knowing that someone would take good care of them, it is incredibly disgusting to say that the child should be brought into the world anyway. For what? For the child to be subject to neglect, trauma, or brought into a world in close proximity to drugs and violence? What for? Does that mother have to suffer to deliver the child, does that child have to carry the trauma of their life forever on their shoulder?

Load More Replies...
rl_2 avatar
R L
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend who's baby daughter was born weighing 584g, just over 4 months early. By the grace of God, many, many prayers and much support, she is now a happy healthy 7 year old. It is tragic that a life can be taken away before it has even begun, and it is really heartbreaking that a parent should have to suffer through that and weather the storm. This lady and her family are blessed with beautiful children and were meant to be Cane's parents- he knew love, and he was not alone. If only others were so fortunate.

armyofone avatar
mekala-whitaker avatar
J•J•
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a son in 2012 who was born at 24 weeks and was a micro preemie as well. We lost our son 11 days after birth. I didn't see how he passed would you mind telling me from what? I am so sorry about your loss. I can say that I totally understand. As a mom that last a child, it's a humbling experience for sure. My son's name was Brennan... 🌺

iajdini avatar
Ilir Ajdini
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's amazing how human is this woman, how much love she and her whole family had for that unfortunate little baby. God bless them all!

suitemsewing avatar
Megan Pippenger
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This whole thing made me cry, but the line that unexpectedly struck me so hard was her saying that she felt like she had "failed his first mama". I'm not sure why, because thinking about it it makes perfect sense. She has been through the adoption journey more than once, and she clearly has so much empathy and love and compassion for the women making the difficult decision to give their babies up for adoption, and feels a huge sense of duty to them to provide their child with a wonderful life full of love. Of course she would feel a sense of failure that she had been unable to carry out that promise to Cane's birth mother. I'm not saying she SHOULD, nothing about this is her fault, of course, but I guess I am not used to seeing adoption stories where the adoptive family shows this much care and support for the birth mother. Not that it doesn't happen, i'm sure, but I feel like this is the first time I've seen someone talk so openly and with so much love about the 'first mama'.

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

3 biological and six adopted 'littles'?? Is there a human equivalent to animal hoarders? I think the woman is addicted to the early stage of motherhood. But it's nice to know the premie could feel som human love for its short itme on earth.

susan-herbert345 avatar
SoozeeQ
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's not "hoarding" - her website states that she's adopted special needs children that have nobody else to look after them.

Load More Replies...
maddywright avatar
ツ_Itz_Your_Girl_ツ
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was crying before I read this, then I stopped. I read the title of this post and was like...oh. So then I clicked this and was like oh sh- now I'm crying even more!

goodphuggy avatar
Olivia Masterson
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I'm crying my eyes out now. How I wish I had been blessed with parents like them.

bagpipz avatar
Alex
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely heartbreaking, but as the same time our Lord was gracious enough to lend you His premi servant.

vsswift avatar
Victoria Swift
Community Member
3 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

But remember folks #mybodymychoice, right? Barf. As a mother to a premie I can't imagine anyone supporting abortion. Don't shed a tear over this poor baby if you turn around and fight for the right to kill his counterpart in another womb.

lenaeom avatar
Lena Eom
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ma'am, you are incorrect in so many ways. 1. this baby was born. the baby was wanted, and it had a place to go that was safe and stable after their birth. not all children get that privilege. 2. Abortions are necessary in many cases; medical reasons, and for the safety of the mother included. 3. Not all women have children of their own choice. As someone surrounded by kids who are currently stuck in the foster care system or ended up growing out of them, there are enough children in the world. If a mother cannot bring a child into the world wanting it or knowing that someone would take good care of them, it is incredibly disgusting to say that the child should be brought into the world anyway. For what? For the child to be subject to neglect, trauma, or brought into a world in close proximity to drugs and violence? What for? Does that mother have to suffer to deliver the child, does that child have to carry the trauma of their life forever on their shoulder?

Load More Replies...
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