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Person Gives A Spot-On Explanation Of Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria, Many Are Surprised This ADHD Symptom Has A Name
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Person Gives A Spot-On Explanation Of Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria, Many Are Surprised This ADHD Symptom Has A Name

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Having a mental disorder is one of the hardest things to explain to others. It’s scrambling for words to describe the feeling of unease and excruciation that this disorder causes when it has heaps of subtle nuances that are often buried underneath the rubble of our psyche.

And on top of it all, there’s the fear that someone will respond negatively because they simply can’t relate or empathize. It’s a lot of things that simply can’t be put into a textbook definition for everyone to understand it. But it is truly a blessing when someone is able to finally put it into perspective—into words that make sense to people on multiple levels.

Twitter user @paintedbees has shared their spot-on explanation of a nuance of ADHD that is often overlooked, but ends up being one of the biggest issues people suffering from this disorder have to deal with. And it resonated with a lot of people on Twitter.

It’s hard to put the feeling of having a mental disorder that affects your social and personal life into words

Image credits: Garry Knight

So, artist and Twitter user @paintedbees shared their take on rejection-sensitive dysphoria, an extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by a perception that a person has been rejected or criticized by people they care about.

Huge emphasis on the perception part here, as it is a conviction that’s often not based on some logical conclusion, but rather on the way the brain perceives the situation for one reason or another. In turn, it calls out a strong emotional response that pushes a person into this vicious spiral of self-loathing, depression, dread, and anxiety.

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But sometimes people find the right words, and this Tweeter’s explanation of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria has resonated with many

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Image credits: paintedbees

“You Feel Like Folks Are Trying To Enjoy Themselves, Not With You But Despite You”

Image credits: Mayastar

In the thread, it’s explained as a feeling as if people are trying to enjoy themselves, but not with an ADHD person, rather despite them. And it is often triggered by an innocuous statement, one that inherently has nothing negative about it. But then perception kicks in and so it begins.

“Your interest in it drops like a stone, you don’t want to be a part anymore. You want to go home, by yourself, and hide from the responsibility of it. What happened? A normal human interaction happened that your brain interpreted as ‘they don’t like what you’re doing. You’re doing it wrong. You’re letting them down.’”

The thread started getting traction among internauts, prompting them to expand with some additional tweets

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Image credits: paintedbees

The tweet thread resonated with a lot of people and ended up going viral, garnering over 15,000 likes and 6,400 retweets. It even found its way on to Imgur, where if got over 125,000 views with almost 4,000 upvotes.

Many didn’t even know that this particular nuance was even a thing and that it had a name—rejection-sensitive dysphoria. Many others were thankful for the spot-on explanation as they were looking for words to explain this to others—and by proxy, for people understanding this and relating to it.

What are your thoughts on this? Let us know in the comment section below!

Many responded to this thread, thanking for a spot-on explanation, feeling understood and sharing stories

Image credits: DashofBitters

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kitty_player03 avatar
Kitten claws
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do not have ADHD, but I've got this s**t. It sucks.

justathought avatar
Joonscrab
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have ADHD And Anxiety... The combo feels great ....I just don't know if what I feel is due to Anxiety or adhd sometimes lmfao..

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lunanik avatar
Nikki Sevven
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait...this is a thing? It has a name? OMG, I thought it was just random anxiety. The feeling is awful, as if your heart just dropped into your gut. As if the multi-channel intrusive thoughts, spotify on infinite repeat, can't remember anything for a second, and bored with everything but fidgety stuff wasn't enough.

miriamemendelson avatar
Mimi M
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's the first time I've heard of rejection-sensitivity being described as an ADHD symptom. It's usually mentioned as a symptom of depression (esp. atypical depression) and/or social-anxiety.

darkempress avatar
Dark Empress
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Consider atypical depression normally has to do with dopamine vs major depression which is more serotonin related and it actually makes a lot of sense.

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jasmineroberts avatar
RavenClaw
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have adhd and autism i feel this ..but it depends .. with my parents it doesnt effect me like that .. but with friends and outside family it can get arkward and tiring and feels like your going into a pit that you can never escape and your mind gets foggy ..and for people without it imagine your doing a test that never ends and every question get harder

erickas avatar
Ericka s
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't know this had a name or that other people went through it. I just thought I was a shitty, awkward person that wasn't good at anything.

carrielaughs avatar
Carrie Laughs
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The one thing I have learned is that we're never alone - there are 1000s of us shitty, awkward people, whether there is a reason or a condition causing it or not. We just feel alone because people don't often share this kind of thing. Nice to realise that it's more common than we knew.

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rituparna_nandan avatar
crazy_cat_notAlady
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm bipolar and I have chronic depression. I have had this since I was a kid. I have been singled out by my "friends" for being too easily offended. I have been called the "offense queen", "very jovially" of course, and by a friend who's a mental health professional, nonetheless. I have received treatment and therapy, and come a long way since then. I don't remember feeling rsd in the recent past. but as a result of it, now I hate hanging out with friends, I don't want to make new friends or trust new people, I hate traveling, I hate holding meaningful conversations about topics I like, I dislike spending time away from home and my comfort zone altogether. Human psychology is complex. Mental health is not a joke. If one doesn't understand why or what a person is going through, it's better to remain quiet that dispense judgment and labels.

eyrkxvbk avatar
Erin Kavik
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is another of the symptoms that crosses between ADHD and Autism. The two share several crossover symptoms that often means that misdiagnoses between the two are all too common and people aren't getting the help they need - I was misdiagnosed with ADHD for nine years until a nurse finally realised that I was actually Autistic and missing most of the ADHD-specific symptoms.

jessicakbutts avatar
Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have both but my mom didn't want to have me treated because I was doing ok academically. I wish I could go back in time because I have suffered so much.

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daniellewigger avatar
Danielle Wigger
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i have ADHD, and it really makes me feel out of place. i always feel so weird.😞

stacy avatar
Fixin'Ta
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is my life. And I just found out about it a few months ago (along with a diagnosis of ADHD) in my late 50s. There is nothing so amazing as finding out that you're not just a fecked-up failure of a human, but you actually have a DIFFERENT BRAIN structure than "neurotypical" people. (People with ADHD, people who are on the autism spectrum and those with a few other brain-structure-related issues are being called "neurodiverse" or "neurodivergent" these days, and I kinda like that. I never did like being "typical" anything.) It's such a relief to be able to say, "Oh, I'm RSD-ing right now, it's just how my brain works," rather than, "Oh, my gosh, I just did something horrible and now everyone hates me and wishes I would disappear, even though I don't really know what I just did, or maybe I do but it wasn't that big a deal, or so I thought, but I must have been wrong and I have ruined all these relationships just by existing and what am I supposed to do now, I think I'll just curl up in a ball and die."

kathrynbaylis_2 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To compound this, there are so many callous and insensitive people out there who are unnecessarily rough on people when they talk to them (even worse when there’s a power imbalance involved). One must bear in mind that not everyone gets your “jokes”, it’s not always appropriate to be flippant (especially to someone in authority—-yikes!), and there are plenty of sensitive people—-as well as people with RSD—-who will take what you say literally and be hurt by it. Even someone who usually just rolls with it could be unusually sensitive in that moment. We should, as a society, start training ourselves to be more understanding of the context of another person’s condition, or simply their walk of life, which shapes how they perceive not only what you’re saying, but how you’re saying it. You might think you’re being hilarious or looking cool or tough, but to them you’re just being mean and a real asshole.

jessicakbutts avatar
Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, and going after people because they are sensitive is abuse/bullying. I hate it.

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jonvintage85 avatar
Cactuar Jon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This actually has a name!! This is one of the most horrid feelings and most confusing I actually experience. Everytime I receive even the slightest negative comment at work, I want to quit and it's so difficult to think about anything else for days. I spend all of my energy trying to convince myself that my reactional feelings are way out of proportion.

meyerweinstock avatar
Meyer Weinstock
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

PTSD-induced ADHD...since the 1970s. (Please don't ask why.) This described my last 45 years. Thanks for the information. -Rev Dr M

ortaduchess avatar
Stephanie Did It
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have this but I thought it was because all my life people have been telling me all these things: I'm a nuisance, I'm boring, I have an annoying voice, no one wants me. This includes parents, sibling and coworkers. TIL this is really something that has a name and not just in my head. I've always suspected I may have ADHD and now it makes more sense. Even though I've also been told I'm good looking, nice, funny and loved, those things don't stick. The ugly ones do and overshadow everything else.

kgoose9900 avatar
A Dumbo Octopus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OH THANK GOODNESS IT HAS A NAME! I thought all this time I was being an asshole just for having this, I'm so glad I'm not actually a jerk! :'D

annbaney90 avatar
Les🐝an
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay, but it's so crazy to me to see bored panda do a piece on this. I know they just take twitter posts but as someone with adhd it's nice to see this.

bcgrote avatar
Brandy Grote
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah.... it helps to have a supportive, won't-take-no-for-an-answer friend or loved one who can help you push past that dreadful feeling. Remind you of how you looked forward to the thing, or grabs your hand and runs with you to the thing because they know your doubts and fears will stop you, and they love you. It can still surprise me, and depress me, to feel that sinking, "I'm an unwanted failure" feeling. I fight it so hard, and sometimes it breaks me. But sometimes I win.

harperthurman avatar
Luna
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s important to speak out about your feelings to others, as many people can relate. This article is life saving! Thank you

coricox avatar
Cori
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Uhg. I feel this. Maybe not quite as extreme as the OP, but I definitely feel this.

aragorn_elessar4 avatar
Derek Clark
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've often described it as me standing in the rain outside while watching others enjoying their time together inside and I get to watch through a window. That's the feeling I often get when being with too many people, it's not that I don't like being with them, but it feels like they don't like being with me so I don't get to enjoy it because I ruin it.

krystalthompson avatar
Anarchy (they/them)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow I felt that...I always see everyone laughing and talking and I want to say something, but I don't want to interrupt them, so I wait for a break in conversation, but there never is, so I just sit there and watch everyone else have a good time. Or when I think they're done so I'll start talking but they weren't done, I end up being so embarrassed and feel so stupid that I have to fight the urge to cry. Or I feel like I'm just annoying them with my conversation. That's why I can't hang out with groups of any more than 5

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brightonsfriend avatar
BeFriend
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I go the other way with it somehow. I've struggled with abandonment and feeling alone my whole life and like nobody remembers me. My reaction to RSD (which OH MY GOD, II thought everybody had this and that I just had it worse than anyone, and it is SO relieving to know that I am not alone and this actually has a name!!!) has always been to go overboard with trying to be in social situations, because maybe, this time, with this group, they won't be annoyed by me and maybe I will finally learn how not to be a burden, and maybe this time they'll like me... I am not an extrovert but an ambivert, this is extremely hard for me at times. I would almost rather go through the pain, over and over, because it's better than just settling in to living with the soul-crushing feeling of being completely, totally, hopelessly alone.

vinceeberlin avatar
vince eberlin
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

in the end i stand alone. ive learned that having 1 or 2 freinds that are just like me is enough though sometimes i feel like they dont want me around. i do what i want when i want. if no one wants to be part of it ,so be it.

juliannehannes avatar
Julianne Hannes
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also this could be echoism caused by an over critical and strict narcissistic parent. Sometimes it can be PTSD from longterm psychological abuse during childhood development.

sonia_bailey_1 avatar
Sonia Bailey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am autistic and I get this. It is absolutely shattering, you end up second-guessing yourself all the time. I have very few friends because of it because the fear of rejection makes it super hard to open up to people. It absolutely sucks.

lizbeth-martin1992 avatar
Liz
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Interesting, I do have ADHD (professionally diagnosed through an extensive assessment, i.e. I'm sure of it, not just guessing) and I experience RSD and struggle with it quite acutely. However, I don't really relate to this description of it. Maybe it was just the scenario or the words OP used. Adding this comment just to say that there are so many ways we can be affected and it can look differently in different people!

joolyv avatar
JV
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my… this is so me. And I have so many other ADHD symptoms. I think I'm gonna get tested, as an adult. Finally I lot of things would be explained and explainable!

delphinum4 avatar
parmeisan avatar
Parmeisan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The article states several times that it is not. The very last comment, by Sanjay Roy, is probably the best.

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jessicakbutts avatar
Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And when you grow up without treatment and counseling, sometimes you are anoying to your peers and that makes you lose friends and then you get so worried you are going to lose your current friends that you try to overcompensate which annoys them even further. It's horrible. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria can Also be experienced by people with atypical depression, which is a less severe type of depression but not uncommon.

brookethayer avatar
eyeless sans
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

so that's what it is? i thought it was just me being overly sensitive because i'm only 14. i got diagnosed with ADHD and ADD, plus PTSD a few years ago, and this matches me so accurately. whenever my parents make the slightest comment or even the slightest hint at any annoyment triggers this for me. i just feel like i can't do a single thing right, and it just makes me want to cry and shriek all at the same time.

elizabethgjertsen avatar
Elizabeth Gjertsen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have ADD which is ADHD without the hyperactivity and bruhhhhh I get this so much.

jessicakbutts avatar
Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They call it ADHD:innatentive type now, since they came out with the DSM 4

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isabella-nuzzi12 avatar
Isle_of_stressed_pilots
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always thought this was a symptom of anxiety because I have anxiety (as well as ADHD), but whenever I tried explaining it to others people with anxiety to get advice, they wouldn't know what I was referring to. This was makes so much more sense.

jessicakbutts avatar
Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Might be specific to social anxiety or atypical depression which are less common and more difficult to treat. A lot of my social anxiety patients say the best thing for them is cannabis, but it's not for everyone.

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m_vonlindenberg avatar
von Funnyname
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

so... i was always under the impression that was anxiety and/or depression... I feel like the lines between things are blurring and it's just that we're all overly-stimulated human beings

lassila-alexander avatar
Aragorn II Elessar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t have ADHD but I definitely have this. Thank you for letting me know it’s not just me.

ameliemaddox avatar
Amelie Maddox
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've got ADHD and this describes perfectly what happens I always get SO excited about stupid stuff and end up making a fool of myself

stacy avatar
Fixin'Ta
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BTW, there is a great website for ADHD called ADDitude at https://www.additudemag.com/ -- if you're looking for more information check it out. (It's where I learned about RSD.)

anna_calegari avatar
BoredRaccoon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m sorry but doesn’t everyone feel like this? Isn’t insecurity just part of being human? I hate how my generation self diagnoses for attention, not trying to be rude to anyone with genuine mental health issues.

stacy avatar
Fixin'Ta
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a WHOLE NUTHER LEVEL beyond "insecurity". This is thinking you have literally wrecked your life and your relationships by just existing, or by doing some inconsequential thing that no one who is neurotypical (i.e., doesn't have ADHD or autism or a neurodiverse brain) would ever dream of worrying about. This is about thinking you have ruined everything by just being who you are and having a rough moment. There is nothing worse than being told "But everyone is like this." No. No, they're not. It's orders or magnitude different.

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boydyla avatar
boydy la
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is this not just... Life? I feel everyone experiences this to some degree?

jessicakbutts avatar
Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate it when people say this. No. It's clinical. That's why we have doctors. Ffs

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danieldonovan avatar
k1ddkanuck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel this almost daily. The only thing that helps (although it obviously doesn't) is to drink. I've dealt with moderate to severe (depending on the time) ADHD all my life, and never once was made to realize this is a part of it. Thanks for posting this. It explains a lot.

jakeleehutch avatar
King Joffrey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doesn't everyone experience this? I mean, not all the time but haven't you guys had an experience where you were shut down for no reason even though you had something to contribute and completely lost interest in the activity?

pascale_pierloot avatar
Pascale Pierloot
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I too have ADHD but NEVER EVER do I let someone tel me it's a 'mental disorder'!!! (So you too, Pandas, shame on you for calling it that and taking pitty on me and us?!? YOY MAY CALL IT A CONDITION and it's my condition I put forward if you expect me to listen to whatever nonsense you think you know about me 'cause I will always be far more worth as a person and less judgemental than you 'normal' people will ever be. At least we know we aren't perfect and it's not another's opinion that defines us, it's yours that defines you as the short sighted idiots you are. When people roll their eyes at me, I put my fist on the table and look them in the eye while I ask them: at least I have an excuse and what's yours??? Arrogance or entitlement are nature not nurture!

jessicakbutts avatar
Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is a neurological condition. We have strengths, sure, but we do need clinical support to be happy and effective and there is nothing wrong with that.

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samkunz avatar
Sam Kunz
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

It's called being pissed that you don't get your way. In this age of everyone's a winner and gets a trophy, we are making up new disorders to explain what EVERYONE goes through. It's called embarrassment. We all get it. Get over yourselves. You're not that special and move on.

stacy avatar
Fixin'Ta
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sir, you are completely wrong and out of order here. You need to educate yourself. People with ADHD, autism and other similar brain issues actually have differences in their brain structure and brain chemicals that cause extreme difficulties with emotions. You can look it up, it is scientifically proven through MRI studies and other brain imaging. RSD is a result of having these brain differences -- people who suffer from this literally experience emotional pain at a much stronger level than neurotypical people like yourself. It is far beyond "embarrassment" or "social awkwardness". It hasn't got a fecking thing to do with wanting to be a winner and get a trophy. I doubt you'd bother to take the time, but here is a good article on RSD and how it affects those who have it. https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/ . If you want to be a decent human being, read it and learn from it. And by the way, kindness goes a lot farther than shittiness.

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kitty_player03 avatar
Kitten claws
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do not have ADHD, but I've got this s**t. It sucks.

justathought avatar
Joonscrab
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have ADHD And Anxiety... The combo feels great ....I just don't know if what I feel is due to Anxiety or adhd sometimes lmfao..

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lunanik avatar
Nikki Sevven
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait...this is a thing? It has a name? OMG, I thought it was just random anxiety. The feeling is awful, as if your heart just dropped into your gut. As if the multi-channel intrusive thoughts, spotify on infinite repeat, can't remember anything for a second, and bored with everything but fidgety stuff wasn't enough.

miriamemendelson avatar
Mimi M
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's the first time I've heard of rejection-sensitivity being described as an ADHD symptom. It's usually mentioned as a symptom of depression (esp. atypical depression) and/or social-anxiety.

darkempress avatar
Dark Empress
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Consider atypical depression normally has to do with dopamine vs major depression which is more serotonin related and it actually makes a lot of sense.

Load More Replies...
jasmineroberts avatar
RavenClaw
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have adhd and autism i feel this ..but it depends .. with my parents it doesnt effect me like that .. but with friends and outside family it can get arkward and tiring and feels like your going into a pit that you can never escape and your mind gets foggy ..and for people without it imagine your doing a test that never ends and every question get harder

erickas avatar
Ericka s
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't know this had a name or that other people went through it. I just thought I was a shitty, awkward person that wasn't good at anything.

carrielaughs avatar
Carrie Laughs
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The one thing I have learned is that we're never alone - there are 1000s of us shitty, awkward people, whether there is a reason or a condition causing it or not. We just feel alone because people don't often share this kind of thing. Nice to realise that it's more common than we knew.

Load More Replies...
rituparna_nandan avatar
crazy_cat_notAlady
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm bipolar and I have chronic depression. I have had this since I was a kid. I have been singled out by my "friends" for being too easily offended. I have been called the "offense queen", "very jovially" of course, and by a friend who's a mental health professional, nonetheless. I have received treatment and therapy, and come a long way since then. I don't remember feeling rsd in the recent past. but as a result of it, now I hate hanging out with friends, I don't want to make new friends or trust new people, I hate traveling, I hate holding meaningful conversations about topics I like, I dislike spending time away from home and my comfort zone altogether. Human psychology is complex. Mental health is not a joke. If one doesn't understand why or what a person is going through, it's better to remain quiet that dispense judgment and labels.

eyrkxvbk avatar
Erin Kavik
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is another of the symptoms that crosses between ADHD and Autism. The two share several crossover symptoms that often means that misdiagnoses between the two are all too common and people aren't getting the help they need - I was misdiagnosed with ADHD for nine years until a nurse finally realised that I was actually Autistic and missing most of the ADHD-specific symptoms.

jessicakbutts avatar
Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have both but my mom didn't want to have me treated because I was doing ok academically. I wish I could go back in time because I have suffered so much.

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daniellewigger avatar
Danielle Wigger
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i have ADHD, and it really makes me feel out of place. i always feel so weird.😞

stacy avatar
Fixin'Ta
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is my life. And I just found out about it a few months ago (along with a diagnosis of ADHD) in my late 50s. There is nothing so amazing as finding out that you're not just a fecked-up failure of a human, but you actually have a DIFFERENT BRAIN structure than "neurotypical" people. (People with ADHD, people who are on the autism spectrum and those with a few other brain-structure-related issues are being called "neurodiverse" or "neurodivergent" these days, and I kinda like that. I never did like being "typical" anything.) It's such a relief to be able to say, "Oh, I'm RSD-ing right now, it's just how my brain works," rather than, "Oh, my gosh, I just did something horrible and now everyone hates me and wishes I would disappear, even though I don't really know what I just did, or maybe I do but it wasn't that big a deal, or so I thought, but I must have been wrong and I have ruined all these relationships just by existing and what am I supposed to do now, I think I'll just curl up in a ball and die."

kathrynbaylis_2 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To compound this, there are so many callous and insensitive people out there who are unnecessarily rough on people when they talk to them (even worse when there’s a power imbalance involved). One must bear in mind that not everyone gets your “jokes”, it’s not always appropriate to be flippant (especially to someone in authority—-yikes!), and there are plenty of sensitive people—-as well as people with RSD—-who will take what you say literally and be hurt by it. Even someone who usually just rolls with it could be unusually sensitive in that moment. We should, as a society, start training ourselves to be more understanding of the context of another person’s condition, or simply their walk of life, which shapes how they perceive not only what you’re saying, but how you’re saying it. You might think you’re being hilarious or looking cool or tough, but to them you’re just being mean and a real asshole.

jessicakbutts avatar
Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, and going after people because they are sensitive is abuse/bullying. I hate it.

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Cactuar Jon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This actually has a name!! This is one of the most horrid feelings and most confusing I actually experience. Everytime I receive even the slightest negative comment at work, I want to quit and it's so difficult to think about anything else for days. I spend all of my energy trying to convince myself that my reactional feelings are way out of proportion.

meyerweinstock avatar
Meyer Weinstock
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

PTSD-induced ADHD...since the 1970s. (Please don't ask why.) This described my last 45 years. Thanks for the information. -Rev Dr M

ortaduchess avatar
Stephanie Did It
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have this but I thought it was because all my life people have been telling me all these things: I'm a nuisance, I'm boring, I have an annoying voice, no one wants me. This includes parents, sibling and coworkers. TIL this is really something that has a name and not just in my head. I've always suspected I may have ADHD and now it makes more sense. Even though I've also been told I'm good looking, nice, funny and loved, those things don't stick. The ugly ones do and overshadow everything else.

kgoose9900 avatar
A Dumbo Octopus
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OH THANK GOODNESS IT HAS A NAME! I thought all this time I was being an asshole just for having this, I'm so glad I'm not actually a jerk! :'D

annbaney90 avatar
Les🐝an
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay, but it's so crazy to me to see bored panda do a piece on this. I know they just take twitter posts but as someone with adhd it's nice to see this.

bcgrote avatar
Brandy Grote
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah.... it helps to have a supportive, won't-take-no-for-an-answer friend or loved one who can help you push past that dreadful feeling. Remind you of how you looked forward to the thing, or grabs your hand and runs with you to the thing because they know your doubts and fears will stop you, and they love you. It can still surprise me, and depress me, to feel that sinking, "I'm an unwanted failure" feeling. I fight it so hard, and sometimes it breaks me. But sometimes I win.

harperthurman avatar
Luna
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s important to speak out about your feelings to others, as many people can relate. This article is life saving! Thank you

coricox avatar
Cori
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Uhg. I feel this. Maybe not quite as extreme as the OP, but I definitely feel this.

aragorn_elessar4 avatar
Derek Clark
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've often described it as me standing in the rain outside while watching others enjoying their time together inside and I get to watch through a window. That's the feeling I often get when being with too many people, it's not that I don't like being with them, but it feels like they don't like being with me so I don't get to enjoy it because I ruin it.

krystalthompson avatar
Anarchy (they/them)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow I felt that...I always see everyone laughing and talking and I want to say something, but I don't want to interrupt them, so I wait for a break in conversation, but there never is, so I just sit there and watch everyone else have a good time. Or when I think they're done so I'll start talking but they weren't done, I end up being so embarrassed and feel so stupid that I have to fight the urge to cry. Or I feel like I'm just annoying them with my conversation. That's why I can't hang out with groups of any more than 5

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brightonsfriend avatar
BeFriend
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I go the other way with it somehow. I've struggled with abandonment and feeling alone my whole life and like nobody remembers me. My reaction to RSD (which OH MY GOD, II thought everybody had this and that I just had it worse than anyone, and it is SO relieving to know that I am not alone and this actually has a name!!!) has always been to go overboard with trying to be in social situations, because maybe, this time, with this group, they won't be annoyed by me and maybe I will finally learn how not to be a burden, and maybe this time they'll like me... I am not an extrovert but an ambivert, this is extremely hard for me at times. I would almost rather go through the pain, over and over, because it's better than just settling in to living with the soul-crushing feeling of being completely, totally, hopelessly alone.

vinceeberlin avatar
vince eberlin
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

in the end i stand alone. ive learned that having 1 or 2 freinds that are just like me is enough though sometimes i feel like they dont want me around. i do what i want when i want. if no one wants to be part of it ,so be it.

juliannehannes avatar
Julianne Hannes
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also this could be echoism caused by an over critical and strict narcissistic parent. Sometimes it can be PTSD from longterm psychological abuse during childhood development.

sonia_bailey_1 avatar
Sonia Bailey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am autistic and I get this. It is absolutely shattering, you end up second-guessing yourself all the time. I have very few friends because of it because the fear of rejection makes it super hard to open up to people. It absolutely sucks.

lizbeth-martin1992 avatar
Liz
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Interesting, I do have ADHD (professionally diagnosed through an extensive assessment, i.e. I'm sure of it, not just guessing) and I experience RSD and struggle with it quite acutely. However, I don't really relate to this description of it. Maybe it was just the scenario or the words OP used. Adding this comment just to say that there are so many ways we can be affected and it can look differently in different people!

joolyv avatar
JV
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my… this is so me. And I have so many other ADHD symptoms. I think I'm gonna get tested, as an adult. Finally I lot of things would be explained and explainable!

delphinum4 avatar
parmeisan avatar
Parmeisan
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The article states several times that it is not. The very last comment, by Sanjay Roy, is probably the best.

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Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And when you grow up without treatment and counseling, sometimes you are anoying to your peers and that makes you lose friends and then you get so worried you are going to lose your current friends that you try to overcompensate which annoys them even further. It's horrible. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria can Also be experienced by people with atypical depression, which is a less severe type of depression but not uncommon.

brookethayer avatar
eyeless sans
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

so that's what it is? i thought it was just me being overly sensitive because i'm only 14. i got diagnosed with ADHD and ADD, plus PTSD a few years ago, and this matches me so accurately. whenever my parents make the slightest comment or even the slightest hint at any annoyment triggers this for me. i just feel like i can't do a single thing right, and it just makes me want to cry and shriek all at the same time.

elizabethgjertsen avatar
Elizabeth Gjertsen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have ADD which is ADHD without the hyperactivity and bruhhhhh I get this so much.

jessicakbutts avatar
Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They call it ADHD:innatentive type now, since they came out with the DSM 4

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isabella-nuzzi12 avatar
Isle_of_stressed_pilots
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always thought this was a symptom of anxiety because I have anxiety (as well as ADHD), but whenever I tried explaining it to others people with anxiety to get advice, they wouldn't know what I was referring to. This was makes so much more sense.

jessicakbutts avatar
Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Might be specific to social anxiety or atypical depression which are less common and more difficult to treat. A lot of my social anxiety patients say the best thing for them is cannabis, but it's not for everyone.

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von Funnyname
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

so... i was always under the impression that was anxiety and/or depression... I feel like the lines between things are blurring and it's just that we're all overly-stimulated human beings

lassila-alexander avatar
Aragorn II Elessar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t have ADHD but I definitely have this. Thank you for letting me know it’s not just me.

ameliemaddox avatar
Amelie Maddox
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've got ADHD and this describes perfectly what happens I always get SO excited about stupid stuff and end up making a fool of myself

stacy avatar
Fixin'Ta
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BTW, there is a great website for ADHD called ADDitude at https://www.additudemag.com/ -- if you're looking for more information check it out. (It's where I learned about RSD.)

anna_calegari avatar
BoredRaccoon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m sorry but doesn’t everyone feel like this? Isn’t insecurity just part of being human? I hate how my generation self diagnoses for attention, not trying to be rude to anyone with genuine mental health issues.

stacy avatar
Fixin'Ta
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a WHOLE NUTHER LEVEL beyond "insecurity". This is thinking you have literally wrecked your life and your relationships by just existing, or by doing some inconsequential thing that no one who is neurotypical (i.e., doesn't have ADHD or autism or a neurodiverse brain) would ever dream of worrying about. This is about thinking you have ruined everything by just being who you are and having a rough moment. There is nothing worse than being told "But everyone is like this." No. No, they're not. It's orders or magnitude different.

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boydyla avatar
boydy la
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is this not just... Life? I feel everyone experiences this to some degree?

jessicakbutts avatar
Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate it when people say this. No. It's clinical. That's why we have doctors. Ffs

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k1ddkanuck
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel this almost daily. The only thing that helps (although it obviously doesn't) is to drink. I've dealt with moderate to severe (depending on the time) ADHD all my life, and never once was made to realize this is a part of it. Thanks for posting this. It explains a lot.

jakeleehutch avatar
King Joffrey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doesn't everyone experience this? I mean, not all the time but haven't you guys had an experience where you were shut down for no reason even though you had something to contribute and completely lost interest in the activity?

pascale_pierloot avatar
Pascale Pierloot
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I too have ADHD but NEVER EVER do I let someone tel me it's a 'mental disorder'!!! (So you too, Pandas, shame on you for calling it that and taking pitty on me and us?!? YOY MAY CALL IT A CONDITION and it's my condition I put forward if you expect me to listen to whatever nonsense you think you know about me 'cause I will always be far more worth as a person and less judgemental than you 'normal' people will ever be. At least we know we aren't perfect and it's not another's opinion that defines us, it's yours that defines you as the short sighted idiots you are. When people roll their eyes at me, I put my fist on the table and look them in the eye while I ask them: at least I have an excuse and what's yours??? Arrogance or entitlement are nature not nurture!

jessicakbutts avatar
Jessica butts
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is a neurological condition. We have strengths, sure, but we do need clinical support to be happy and effective and there is nothing wrong with that.

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Sam Kunz
Community Member
3 years ago

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It's called being pissed that you don't get your way. In this age of everyone's a winner and gets a trophy, we are making up new disorders to explain what EVERYONE goes through. It's called embarrassment. We all get it. Get over yourselves. You're not that special and move on.

stacy avatar
Fixin'Ta
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sir, you are completely wrong and out of order here. You need to educate yourself. People with ADHD, autism and other similar brain issues actually have differences in their brain structure and brain chemicals that cause extreme difficulties with emotions. You can look it up, it is scientifically proven through MRI studies and other brain imaging. RSD is a result of having these brain differences -- people who suffer from this literally experience emotional pain at a much stronger level than neurotypical people like yourself. It is far beyond "embarrassment" or "social awkwardness". It hasn't got a fecking thing to do with wanting to be a winner and get a trophy. I doubt you'd bother to take the time, but here is a good article on RSD and how it affects those who have it. https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/ . If you want to be a decent human being, read it and learn from it. And by the way, kindness goes a lot farther than shittiness.

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