30 Times People Received Marriage Advice That Sounded Absurd, But They Later Realized Was Spot-On
Oh… that sweet happily ever after! When you have butterflies in your stomach, and love is in the air as if you were living in a James Blunt music video. Well, actually, people who have lived a married life at some point in their lives, or still do, unanimously agree on the fact that this is not what marriage is about.
Unlike falling in love, living the married life takes teamwork, commitment and a lot of conforming. Maybe even more than you were willing to give when you were single. So hey, it’s hard, but it’s also worth it. This thread from the Ask Men subreddit shows exactly that.
“What random marriage advice sounded absurd but was actually spot-on helpful?” someone asked, sparking an illuminating thread about this challenging yet very rewarding game called life: marriage edition.
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Dad said “Be kind even if you’re not feeling it. Maybe *especially* if you’re not feeling it.”
Most of the time you spend together is going to be non-sexual, so the most important thing is to be best friends. Otherwise, it won't last.
I love having a goofy fun time with my husband. He is my best friend and we have a lot of fun!! Highly recommend this!
Marry him for who he is. Not his potential.
This needs to be voted to the top!!! Don't ever stay with someone because of who think they *could* become...Stay with them because you adore who they are at that moment!!
The point of arguing is not to win. It's to understand where they’re coming from and why this issue matters to them.
It's totally OK to sleep in separate beds...or even separate rooms if that's what works for you. I am not going to be a good partner if I only get four hours of sleep because I was listening to him snore all night, or if jobs require different sleeping schedules and you take a while to get to sleep
My husband sleeps in the living room because he has a super-loud C-PAP machine. It blows air into my face every time he moves. He’s waiting for a replacement that is quieter, but in the meantime, I have to get some sleep!
My husband has one of these. His is super quiet and I cannot hear it at all. If it leaks air when he moves, perhaps experiment with a different shaped mask? Hubby had three different ones before the one he has now.
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My husband and I have never slept in same bed. He snores and it drives me mad and I have insomnia and we have different work schedules. We still watch tv in bed together and snuggle but we don’t sleep in same bed. We need our space.
Same. My hubs has slept in the spare room for years as his snoring can rattle walls. In his case it’s both due to a bad back and allergies. Early on, before we got married, I was only getting at best 2 hours of sleep. Him sleeping in the other room saved my sanity and our relationship.
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My grandparents had separate bedrooms because my grandfather was a World War 2 combat veteran who had PTSD nightmares. Apparently there must have been some visiting going on because they had seven children!
If I could give this a million upvotes I would. Sleeping in the same bed is not important. Been sleeping in different rooms for 20+ years. When I've mentioned it to people they always think it's so weird. It's not. It's more comfortable and more restful and works for us.
That’s what we keep the spare bedroom linens fresh, and a reliable alarm clock on the bedside table there. Either I will move to it because of his LOUD snoring, or he will because I move around A LOT at night—-I actually swung an arm around and hit him without knowing it a couple times. Not hard, but enough to wake the poor guy up.
I apparently snore like a trucker. Fifteen years ago, I caught my then-boyfriend-now-husband sneaking out of the room to sleep on the couch when we first moved in together. He knew what he was getting into and married me anyway.
This is known as "sleep divorce". My husband has to have absolute quiet & dark to sleep, plus he snores loudly. I like to read in bed, have occasional insomnia, and I also talk in my sleep. we've had separate bedrooms for 20 years & it's awesome! We each have our own personal space to do what we want with, and we both get a good night's sleep.
Yup. His snoring made me seriously resent him at times. We bought so many nose things and sprays and earplugs without much help until I just couldn't stand it anymore and we started sleeping in different bedrooms. I could sleep again and it is wonderful (still hear him snore from the other room but it's tolerable now).
Soooo much this!! Sometimes he's snoring so loud, I can hear him rom the driveway. I will 100% sleep in the guest room if need be to get my rest.
My husband and I now have separate rooms and between him being a very light sleeper and my insomnia and restless leg syndrome, we are both sleeping much better.
This was a big deal for my ex and I. My grandparents slept apart due to his snoring and they had a loving, wonderful marriage. But for my ex, he was convinced that it was the end of our relationship when I asked about separate beds because his snoring and jerks would wake me (a light sleeper) up all the time. It ended up actually being a huge reason we broke up, but only because he made it into an issue where it didn't have to be. Sleeping in different bedrooms needs to be normalized.
Worked for 18 years here. Seperate beds and seperate ends of the house
This is the second time this year I've read something to this effect, but never before in 56 years! My grandparents slept in twin beds. I wake up every time my husband pees and vice versa. We turn over. I take awhile to get to sleep. I adore sleeping with him, but it's madness! What modern day pos invented this?!
If you snore or hear your partner snore, please get or get them a sleep test to screen for sleep apnea. Cpap are great but there are other options like sleep retainers for therapy. It could get you sharing a bed again but more importantly could dramatically improve your quality of life. I have sleep apnea and suffered for years undiagnosed. I also now provide therapy for others.
My husband and I started sleeping apart several years ago. Game changer! No more fights over snoring. No more forcing each other to go to sleep or get up at different times. We both feel MUCH better. Sleeping a part doesn't mean a marriage is in trouble. Honestly, it's been better for us both. 26 years and counting! Still in love!
Agreed. Fiancée and I sleep separately a bit due to work or having a late night with friends or the heat getting to us during the summer.
My ex always used to get so upset that I couldn't sleep in the same bed with him. Sorry, but you snore like a buzzsaw and I'm the one losing sleep over it, not you. Besides, why do you even care where my unconscious body is? You're passed the eff out and don't even know the difference.
I can not imagine not sleeping with my partner. Is not only about sex. Is about intimacy. Maybe ok for some people, but not for us.
Sometimes it's the only option and not so much about choice.
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I was given excellent advice in my youth. Separate beds, separate bathrooms, and occasionally separate vacations. Being romantic then, I dismissed it, but they were right.
If I ever get a partner I suspect we’ll have to sleep in separate beds. I toss and roll so much I’m sure it would only be a matter of time before they got kicked off the bed in my sleep.
Me & my partner sleep in separate bedrooms as we both snore and wake each other up. Whilst I'm a stay at home mum my partner has to be up early for work.
Separate rooms are brilliant, if you have the space. My husband has sleep apnoea and is on a CPAP machine at night. I'm a very light sleeper and toss and turn a lot, and get very hot. We were the world's worst matched sleeping partners-we got no quality rest and both of us were snappy and bad tempered. Moving into another bedroom saved us-it means we make time for snuggles ("my place or yours?"), and get great sleep.
Yes. This. My husband has slept in the guest room for years because he snores and we have separate schedules. It's actually helped, not hindered, our relationship. Will be married 24 years in August.
After my Wife had her heart-attack, and I was alone, I decided to change doctors, and the first thing my new Doc asked me was: Do I snore?, and then he told me about apnea, which I'd never heard of. And that was probably part of the reason my Agi died - poor sleeping from the noise. Now it's CPAP-time, and I sleep great, and alone.
There's validity to this. But if you're two quick to give up the intimacy of sleeping together -- and I don't mean that as a euphemism for sex, I mean literally sleeping together -- that's going to hurt your marriage. Maybe the alternative is worse, but.
Be honest. Don't lie to your partner.
Never assume - Communicate. This means active listening to respect your partner. Married 30+ years. Both my partner and I come from horribly broken backgrounds.
Have separate duvets or blankets on the same bed. I can wrap myself up nice and snug, and she can move around all night without bothering me.
It's ok to go to bed angry.
We've always been told not to go to bed angry but sometimes a night of sleep can change your perspective and help with resolution.
My grandfather told me " Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink" . What I learned is that he would always help my grandma and that is when they did their most talking
I live alone and I do that too. It makes making a decent breakfast a lot more appealing the next morning.
On our wedding day, my father-in-law said, 'Always remember it's the two of you against the problem, not you two against one another.' It's been great advice, especially when we disagree. Focusing on this piece of advice has calmed a lot of arguments over the years.
Looks fade, marry someone who you enjoy talking to. -grandma
I also feel strongly about this one.
Find someone who is ok with you both having separate hobbies. My wife does her thing and I have my hobby. We share some hobbies, but we are ok with spending time apart too. We don't have to always do them together. I couldn't imagine marrying a woman who needed to do every single thing I did just to be around me. She needs to have her own life and I love not forcing her into the nerdy stuff I enjoy.
'Don’t worry about what other people think is 'normal.' I’ve been married for almost 20 years, and this piece of insight has made all the difference. You don't need to conform to society’s standards. Do what works for you and your partner in a marriage.
Ever notice how many people are willing to say "others" are "weird/crazy/abnormal" yet believe they're "normal" - Meanwhile the "others" are doing the reverse... We're all likely crazy, though it's not a competition :-P
'Never ask your partner to make a sacrifice for you that you wouldn’t make for them if the roles were reversed.
This is beautiful advice. It reminds me of someone I knew once, a Catholic priest. One of his parishioners asked him to put the word out to the whole parish that she needed a kidney transplant. He ended up giving her his own kidney! I asked him why he did it, and he said he wasn't willing to ask his parishioners to do something that he wouldn't do himself!
When our kid was about to be born, someone told me to change the first diaper. "If you can handle the first one, the others will be easy." So I did. I didn't know what I was doing, so I asked the nurse at the hospital to teach me, and I changed the first several few diapers while my wife recovered from a difficult labor.
The advice was correct, no other diaper was as disgusting as the first one. It got very easy and I never minded doing it, and my wife was really really grateful. And I loved that I could take on some of the parenting chores, since there was so much that she was the only one... equipped to provide.
Yes. Divide parenting as equal as possible early on. Otherwise you WILL resent your non-birthing partner. Yes, as a mom you will probably take maternity leave first and probably for a longer time. If you are breastfeeding you will probably take most nights and spend a lot of time with them as babies, but that doesn't mean dads/non-birthing partners should be excluded. They can still bond with baby in a carrier, change most diapers, fix food (so you can do all that nursing), do baby/child clothes shopping and research for the best car seat ETC. And take some paternity leave alone with baby (PLEASE do that). When one parent is on parental leave they have responsibility for the child the hrs the partner work. All other hrs you share 50/50. That goes with housework too. It will be much better for the relationship and for your child who will bond equally with both parents.
The advice I’ve given people is this: if you can go grocery shopping with your person and have the best time ever, you have yourself a keeper. It’s all about making the best of the mundane things, because after years of being together, life becomes predictable. You’ll need to keep the spice going, regardless of what you’re doing.
Source: married 15 years.
I must be headed for divorce then. I can't stand it when my husband comes to the supermarket with me. It takes forever.
My fiance always says that "just because" flowers are the best kind of flowers.
A meme when I was first getting married was, "Happy wife, happy life". Which has some degree of accuracy.
But much later, I learned the better version, which I should have been more considerate of: "Happy Spouse, Happy House".
My father always said that the best thing he and my mother did for their marriage was get a king-sized bed. I always thought it was ridiculous advice until recently, when my wife and I needed a new bed. We spent the extra money on a king, and I'll be damned if that wasn't one of the best decisions we have made. The extra room is amazing: We can snuggle or have some space, and when our kids try and get in bed, there's enough room that no one is getting a foot to the face.
'The grass is greener when you water it.' This one always stuck with me. Your relationship is what you make of it, and it will be happier if you put love and effort into it.
Actually, conventional wisdom when I was growing up was "The grass is ALWAYS greener over the septic tank"...because c**p makes great fertilizer. (Title of a book by humor writer Erma Bombeck.)
One of my colonels told me: “just buy two damn pizzas, instead of arguing over the toppings.”
Moma said "don't come whinning to me about your wife, go talk to her"....and don't spend your time complaining to ANY one about your SO. If you need advice, ask, but no talking down about your SO, chances are they have a long list of complaints too.
Retain your individuality and have separate hobbies even after you're married. Have time apart. Have separate activities. This will allow you to have experiences you can talk about and share with each other. It will give you time apart so you don't feel smothered.
My step mom just passed away, and dad said something that has profoundly changed my attitude:
>"The little things that annoyed me are the things I now miss"
So, like, yea... for some reason she squeezes a massive glob of toothpaste which mostly falls into the sink basin and she doesn't wash away the toothpaste spit... f*****g annoys me.
*If/when she's gone, that little constant annoyance that reminds me she's there will be gone too.*
Don't nag on the little things, rather, embrace them. (still, let her know ... she has made progress on other things I've pointed out, as I try to adapt to her wishes).
My dad married a nice lady after my mom passed away. He told me, “She (current wife) is so calm. I sort of miss the conflicts I had with your mom.”
When an argument is brewing stop and eat something, you may just be hungry.
You don't just marry her, you marry her whole damn family.
My family used to be great, sadly the dynamics can change (very complex). I allow my husband to avoid them. Not his fault I came with them.
Love isn’t about having “nice feelings for each other.” It’s about acting for the betterment of someone else, even if you don’t feel like it. Emotions will change. Your willingness to treat your spouse a certain way doesn’t have to.
Man, every single one of these bits of advice should be joint first!
Mine is almost the exact opposite. My husband snores really loud. I started sleeping separately and we have a much better relationship now. Probably because I'm not constantly sleep deprived. We both fought it so hard for so long because there is this idea that only unhappy couples sleep apart from each other. The truth is, you've got to do what works for the both of you and not worry about preconceived notions about intimacy, etc.
I sort of agree. I'm a bit ish on intimacy though. Yes it saves resentment with the snoring, and yes you could have sex in another room. But I do miss midnight/morning cuddling and other morning stuff...But yeah, overall it's worth it and often the only option!
Grandma said "love is like coffee. Sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's cold, sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's bitter. No matter how you like it, it is good. But it's only great when you get it 'the way you like it'. Make sure you get what you want".
Managing each other’s expectations as you go up and down sounds odd but makes a difference
Note: this post originally had 79 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
So much of this resonates with me. I thought my ex was the one for me. We were together for 8 years, but I think we were over by year 6 or so. There are so many things both of us could have done better. I don't ever want to get back with him, though, I'm trying to think of the whole experience as a lesson. I learned a lot about myself as a result and am currently working on making myself better. I have been in therapy for about a year and counting and have high hopes of someday finding someone who is actually right for me, but taking my time. I'm terribly lonely, but I don't want to rush into anything. I think that was the first mistake my ex and I made. Anyway, thank for reading my ramblings, whoever reads this.
Your story resonates with me. It’s comforting to hear my experience is not unique and it makes me feel less alone and more confident that my new path on my own is the right one at this time. Working on myself first is my primary concern too. Thank you for sharing snd much luck in your journey.
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Lots of people giving lots of intake based on their personal experience. I guess all people are different and what works for one couple doesn't have to work for the next. So I'd take some of the advice given here with a grain of salt.
I always take these lists with a grain of salt - as you said, everyone is different. What works for some won't work for everyone, but sometimes a different viewpoint can be essential to a relationship.
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I think that the most valuable tip for a healthy marriage is that you can talk everything thru. So even if you have insulted the other person or get carried away with your feelings, you can actually talk about everythibg afterwards and sort things out. At least for my marriage of 3 years.
Communication is key. That's one of the main things I struggled with early in my relationship with my husband. It took awhile, but I did learn that I can actually say what I'm thinking, feeling, or needing to him & I won't get told I'm stupid or doing anything wrong (thanks, Dad, for always making me feel like a dummy!).
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The only thing I didn't see in this list is always kiss your spouse/partner goodbye when you part. You never know when it could be the last time you get the chance to.
We kiss several times a day, even if one is not going away. But if one leaves the room where we both are, the other gets a kiss. We love kissing and it's been 30+ years.
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I got some great advice from my granny. Wherever you choose to live, make sure it's far enough away from your mother and your mother in law, that they have to ring before they come over lol We've followed that advice and it's been very helpful!
My marriage is my refuge from the world. He is my rock my best friend and my biggest cheerleader. I would say try for these things and try to be these things.
I also want to add, don't put your sex life on the backburner. I know it's hard to make it front and center, but sex is an important part of a relationship and so many people get caught up in being tired, being overworked, being swamped with the kids, etc. that sex with your partner is the first thing to go. Make the effort to have 2 nights a week that are date nights. Get a babysitter. Make yourself presentable. Or even if you just want to make out on the couch watching a movie in your sweats- get the kids away from you. Don't let your kids completely suck the life out of you in the name of being a good parent. Remember who you are as individuals and make the effort to attract each other and be fun. Tell each other dirty things. Just enjoy one another.
Musänica, is based in the United States, and sees itself as the premiere online music database, as well as a rapidly rising website connecting bands with their fan base. We are another way of turning music into a means of bringing people together.
Communication is the key to any successful relationship. If you cant talk to your partner, then you're not partners. You should be able to communicate effectively, whatever that looks like between the two of you.
My wife's grandfather and grandmother were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. Someone asked him about it, and he said it felt like ten minutes.. his wife walked away and he said "Ten minutes under water". I'm using that line if my marriage lasts that long!
Another great piece of advice is to not be a liar like amber herd.
So much of this resonates with me. I thought my ex was the one for me. We were together for 8 years, but I think we were over by year 6 or so. There are so many things both of us could have done better. I don't ever want to get back with him, though, I'm trying to think of the whole experience as a lesson. I learned a lot about myself as a result and am currently working on making myself better. I have been in therapy for about a year and counting and have high hopes of someday finding someone who is actually right for me, but taking my time. I'm terribly lonely, but I don't want to rush into anything. I think that was the first mistake my ex and I made. Anyway, thank for reading my ramblings, whoever reads this.
Your story resonates with me. It’s comforting to hear my experience is not unique and it makes me feel less alone and more confident that my new path on my own is the right one at this time. Working on myself first is my primary concern too. Thank you for sharing snd much luck in your journey.
Load More Replies... Lots of people giving lots of intake based on their personal experience. I guess all people are different and what works for one couple doesn't have to work for the next. So I'd take some of the advice given here with a grain of salt.
I always take these lists with a grain of salt - as you said, everyone is different. What works for some won't work for everyone, but sometimes a different viewpoint can be essential to a relationship.
Load More Replies... I think that the most valuable tip for a healthy marriage is that you can talk everything thru. So even if you have insulted the other person or get carried away with your feelings, you can actually talk about everythibg afterwards and sort things out. At least for my marriage of 3 years.
Communication is key. That's one of the main things I struggled with early in my relationship with my husband. It took awhile, but I did learn that I can actually say what I'm thinking, feeling, or needing to him & I won't get told I'm stupid or doing anything wrong (thanks, Dad, for always making me feel like a dummy!).
Load More Replies... The only thing I didn't see in this list is always kiss your spouse/partner goodbye when you part. You never know when it could be the last time you get the chance to.
We kiss several times a day, even if one is not going away. But if one leaves the room where we both are, the other gets a kiss. We love kissing and it's been 30+ years.
Load More Replies... I got some great advice from my granny. Wherever you choose to live, make sure it's far enough away from your mother and your mother in law, that they have to ring before they come over lol We've followed that advice and it's been very helpful!
My marriage is my refuge from the world. He is my rock my best friend and my biggest cheerleader. I would say try for these things and try to be these things.
I also want to add, don't put your sex life on the backburner. I know it's hard to make it front and center, but sex is an important part of a relationship and so many people get caught up in being tired, being overworked, being swamped with the kids, etc. that sex with your partner is the first thing to go. Make the effort to have 2 nights a week that are date nights. Get a babysitter. Make yourself presentable. Or even if you just want to make out on the couch watching a movie in your sweats- get the kids away from you. Don't let your kids completely suck the life out of you in the name of being a good parent. Remember who you are as individuals and make the effort to attract each other and be fun. Tell each other dirty things. Just enjoy one another.
Musänica, is based in the United States, and sees itself as the premiere online music database, as well as a rapidly rising website connecting bands with their fan base. We are another way of turning music into a means of bringing people together.
Communication is the key to any successful relationship. If you cant talk to your partner, then you're not partners. You should be able to communicate effectively, whatever that looks like between the two of you.
My wife's grandfather and grandmother were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. Someone asked him about it, and he said it felt like ten minutes.. his wife walked away and he said "Ten minutes under water". I'm using that line if my marriage lasts that long!
Another great piece of advice is to not be a liar like amber herd.
