30 Times People Received Marriage Advice That Sounded Absurd, But They Later Realized Was Spot-On
Oh… that sweet happily ever after! When you have butterflies in your stomach, and love is in the air as if you were living in a James Blunt music video. Well, actually, people who have lived a married life at some point in their lives, or still do, unanimously agree on the fact that this is not what marriage is about.
Unlike falling in love, living the married life takes teamwork, commitment and a lot of conforming. Maybe even more than you were willing to give when you were single. So hey, it’s hard, but it’s also worth it. This thread from the Ask Men subreddit shows exactly that.
“What random marriage advice sounded absurd but was actually spot-on helpful?” someone asked, sparking an illuminating thread about this challenging yet very rewarding game called life: marriage edition.
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Dad said “Be kind even if you’re not feeling it. Maybe *especially* if you’re not feeling it.”
Most of the time you spend together is going to be non-sexual, so the most important thing is to be best friends. Otherwise, it won't last.
I love having a goofy fun time with my husband. He is my best friend and we have a lot of fun!! Highly recommend this!
Marry him for who he is. Not his potential.
This needs to be voted to the top!!! Don't ever stay with someone because of who think they *could* become...Stay with them because you adore who they are at that moment!!
The point of arguing is not to win. It's to understand where they’re coming from and why this issue matters to them.
It's totally OK to sleep in separate beds...or even separate rooms if that's what works for you. I am not going to be a good partner if I only get four hours of sleep because I was listening to him snore all night, or if jobs require different sleeping schedules and you take a while to get to sleep
My husband sleeps in the living room because he has a super-loud C-PAP machine. It blows air into my face every time he moves. He’s waiting for a replacement that is quieter, but in the meantime, I have to get some sleep!
Be honest. Don't lie to your partner.
Never assume - Communicate. This means active listening to respect your partner. Married 30+ years. Both my partner and I come from horribly broken backgrounds.
Have separate duvets or blankets on the same bed. I can wrap myself up nice and snug, and she can move around all night without bothering me.
DITTO, we have had separate duvets since we were dating. Hubby likes to tuck half of it between his knees. :P
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We knew to do this day 1! It may sound romantic to share a blanket, but reality is not so easy. You are both different people with different needs, and that absolutely extends to blanket use!
Yes! Especially if one of you likes to burrito at night. We’ve never shared.
"To burrito" is a nice one. I may borrow it sometimes. (And yes: I "burrito" too in bed.)
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My parents both have different blankets, and I love how they make their own sections of the bed :).
Whenever we stay over at family's or friends', we ask for another duvet. "Are you cold? We can turn up the heat...". People are always surprised when we explain that we don't share a blanket. But it just makes sense! In summer, I like a very light blanket and my husband uses a sheet or nothing. Winter husband: one duvet. Winter me: two or even three.
I have done two blankets with a king size cover over both so it looks nice
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I have to have my own blankets. I don't mind snuggling for a bit but you best get under your own blanket eventually. For some reason my sleeping body refuses to share.
My husband thinks he's a caterpillar at night. He will cocoon himself, then wake up in the morning as a beautiful butterfly. Me, I am pre-menapause, no blankets at all. If your cold hold onto me. I am a furnace.
I love this! I had a sheet and the fan full blast and the sir at 70 until i went through the worst of it.
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No. My husband and I share the flat sheet and blanket. We've never had a problem.
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My hubby and I figured this out about a month after living together and it still holds true!!
Yes to all this...I sleep hot, my wife sleeps cold...So I have my sheet and she has her 14 blankets and quilts and other things.
So my wife and i have separate comforters, but she likes to cuddle. My solution is I keep 1 half of my body in her comforter where she can hug and cuddle like a koala, and the other half in my own comforter. Works like a charm
You may want "the snug" but you and your partner will get better rest under separate covers. When I rise before my partner, I add my cover to theirs and it helps them rise more vitalized even though I had left the "snug" an hour before. Unless you both need to wake up at the same time, let the one who wakes later rest. You will be able to organize yourself more efficiently without competing for morning rituals.
It took a trip to Iceland (from the US) for me to realize that this is normal in Scandinavia and to ditch our shared quilt for two twin-sized quilts. Now I can wrap myself up and toss and turn as much as I need to without bother him while he sleeps like a log. It even solves bed-making disagreements, since he makes his half and I don't make mine since I'm just going to twist it all up again tonight.
We have always had separate blankets. We even got rid of the top sheet.
I always get 2 matching blankets. Got tired of waking up freezing in the middle of the night. I married a blanket hog!!
Or in the case of me and my husband, he sleeps with no cover whereas I need a blanket.
I can’t even imagine trying to share a blanket. It just sounds like it wouldn’t end well
Amen to that. Me and my GF have the same approach. We both have our sleeping positions and no fight over blanket ever. :D
yes!!! together 17 yrs and married 6 yrs and the best thing we did (sleep is very important to us both lol)
When my husband and I moved in together, I had no idea that in the winter, he liked to roll himself up in the quilt like a dead man someone is going to bury! I woke up one night and I was freezing cold even with a flannel night gown and socks. I sat up and looked around the bed for the quilt thinking it had fallen off the bed and he must be cold also. Looked at him after checking the floor and he was literally rolled up so tight there were no corners to even begin to pull away!! So from that night on, we slept in the same bed with our own covers... and when he began to snore like a banshee screams, made him go to the pulmonologist and he got himself a sleep study and he had pretty bad sleep apnea! Had to use a cpap. From then on, our sleep was peaceful... especially after i convinced him i meant business if he ripped off the cpap at night that i would wake his a*s up every single time to put it back on!!
It's ok to go to bed angry.
We've always been told not to go to bed angry but sometimes a night of sleep can change your perspective and help with resolution.
My grandfather told me " Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink" . What I learned is that he would always help my grandma and that is when they did their most talking
I live alone and I do that too. It makes making a decent breakfast a lot more appealing the next morning.
On our wedding day, my father-in-law said, 'Always remember it's the two of you against the problem, not you two against one another.' It's been great advice, especially when we disagree. Focusing on this piece of advice has calmed a lot of arguments over the years.
Looks fade, marry someone who you enjoy talking to. -grandma
I also feel strongly about this one.
Find someone who is ok with you both having separate hobbies. My wife does her thing and I have my hobby. We share some hobbies, but we are ok with spending time apart too. We don't have to always do them together. I couldn't imagine marrying a woman who needed to do every single thing I did just to be around me. She needs to have her own life and I love not forcing her into the nerdy stuff I enjoy.
'Don’t worry about what other people think is 'normal.' I’ve been married for almost 20 years, and this piece of insight has made all the difference. You don't need to conform to society’s standards. Do what works for you and your partner in a marriage.
Ever notice how many people are willing to say "others" are "weird/crazy/abnormal" yet believe they're "normal" - Meanwhile the "others" are doing the reverse... We're all likely crazy, though it's not a competition :-P
'Never ask your partner to make a sacrifice for you that you wouldn’t make for them if the roles were reversed.
This is beautiful advice. It reminds me of someone I knew once, a Catholic priest. One of his parishioners asked him to put the word out to the whole parish that she needed a kidney transplant. He ended up giving her his own kidney! I asked him why he did it, and he said he wasn't willing to ask his parishioners to do something that he wouldn't do himself!
When our kid was about to be born, someone told me to change the first diaper. "If you can handle the first one, the others will be easy." So I did. I didn't know what I was doing, so I asked the nurse at the hospital to teach me, and I changed the first several few diapers while my wife recovered from a difficult labor.
The advice was correct, no other diaper was as disgusting as the first one. It got very easy and I never minded doing it, and my wife was really really grateful. And I loved that I could take on some of the parenting chores, since there was so much that she was the only one... equipped to provide.
Yes. Divide parenting as equal as possible early on. Otherwise you WILL resent your non-birthing partner. Yes, as a mom you will probably take maternity leave first and probably for a longer time. If you are breastfeeding you will probably take most nights and spend a lot of time with them as babies, but that doesn't mean dads/non-birthing partners should be excluded. They can still bond with baby in a carrier, change most diapers, fix food (so you can do all that nursing), do baby/child clothes shopping and research for the best car seat ETC. And take some paternity leave alone with baby (PLEASE do that). When one parent is on parental leave they have responsibility for the child the hrs the partner work. All other hrs you share 50/50. That goes with housework too. It will be much better for the relationship and for your child who will bond equally with both parents.
The advice I’ve given people is this: if you can go grocery shopping with your person and have the best time ever, you have yourself a keeper. It’s all about making the best of the mundane things, because after years of being together, life becomes predictable. You’ll need to keep the spice going, regardless of what you’re doing.
Source: married 15 years.
I must be headed for divorce then. I can't stand it when my husband comes to the supermarket with me. It takes forever.
My fiance always says that "just because" flowers are the best kind of flowers.
A meme when I was first getting married was, "Happy wife, happy life". Which has some degree of accuracy.
But much later, I learned the better version, which I should have been more considerate of: "Happy Spouse, Happy House".
My father always said that the best thing he and my mother did for their marriage was get a king-sized bed. I always thought it was ridiculous advice until recently, when my wife and I needed a new bed. We spent the extra money on a king, and I'll be damned if that wasn't one of the best decisions we have made. The extra room is amazing: We can snuggle or have some space, and when our kids try and get in bed, there's enough room that no one is getting a foot to the face.
'The grass is greener when you water it.' This one always stuck with me. Your relationship is what you make of it, and it will be happier if you put love and effort into it.
Actually, conventional wisdom when I was growing up was "The grass is ALWAYS greener over the septic tank"...because c**p makes great fertilizer. (Title of a book by humor writer Erma Bombeck.)
One of my colonels told me: “just buy two damn pizzas, instead of arguing over the toppings.”
Moma said "don't come whinning to me about your wife, go talk to her"....and don't spend your time complaining to ANY one about your SO. If you need advice, ask, but no talking down about your SO, chances are they have a long list of complaints too.
Retain your individuality and have separate hobbies even after you're married. Have time apart. Have separate activities. This will allow you to have experiences you can talk about and share with each other. It will give you time apart so you don't feel smothered.
My step mom just passed away, and dad said something that has profoundly changed my attitude:
>"The little things that annoyed me are the things I now miss"
So, like, yea... for some reason she squeezes a massive glob of toothpaste which mostly falls into the sink basin and she doesn't wash away the toothpaste spit... f*****g annoys me.
*If/when she's gone, that little constant annoyance that reminds me she's there will be gone too.*
Don't nag on the little things, rather, embrace them. (still, let her know ... she has made progress on other things I've pointed out, as I try to adapt to her wishes).
My dad married a nice lady after my mom passed away. He told me, “She (current wife) is so calm. I sort of miss the conflicts I had with your mom.”
When an argument is brewing stop and eat something, you may just be hungry.
You don't just marry her, you marry her whole damn family.
My family used to be great, sadly the dynamics can change (very complex). I allow my husband to avoid them. Not his fault I came with them.
Love isn’t about having “nice feelings for each other.” It’s about acting for the betterment of someone else, even if you don’t feel like it. Emotions will change. Your willingness to treat your spouse a certain way doesn’t have to.
Man, every single one of these bits of advice should be joint first!
Mine is almost the exact opposite. My husband snores really loud. I started sleeping separately and we have a much better relationship now. Probably because I'm not constantly sleep deprived. We both fought it so hard for so long because there is this idea that only unhappy couples sleep apart from each other. The truth is, you've got to do what works for the both of you and not worry about preconceived notions about intimacy, etc.
I sort of agree. I'm a bit ish on intimacy though. Yes it saves resentment with the snoring, and yes you could have sex in another room. But I do miss midnight/morning cuddling and other morning stuff...But yeah, overall it's worth it and often the only option!
Grandma said "love is like coffee. Sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's cold, sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's bitter. No matter how you like it, it is good. But it's only great when you get it 'the way you like it'. Make sure you get what you want".
Managing each other’s expectations as you go up and down sounds odd but makes a difference
Note: this post originally had 79 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
So much of this resonates with me. I thought my ex was the one for me. We were together for 8 years, but I think we were over by year 6 or so. There are so many things both of us could have done better. I don't ever want to get back with him, though, I'm trying to think of the whole experience as a lesson. I learned a lot about myself as a result and am currently working on making myself better. I have been in therapy for about a year and counting and have high hopes of someday finding someone who is actually right for me, but taking my time. I'm terribly lonely, but I don't want to rush into anything. I think that was the first mistake my ex and I made. Anyway, thank for reading my ramblings, whoever reads this.
Your story resonates with me. It’s comforting to hear my experience is not unique and it makes me feel less alone and more confident that my new path on my own is the right one at this time. Working on myself first is my primary concern too. Thank you for sharing snd much luck in your journey.
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Lots of people giving lots of intake based on their personal experience. I guess all people are different and what works for one couple doesn't have to work for the next. So I'd take some of the advice given here with a grain of salt.
I always take these lists with a grain of salt - as you said, everyone is different. What works for some won't work for everyone, but sometimes a different viewpoint can be essential to a relationship.
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I think that the most valuable tip for a healthy marriage is that you can talk everything thru. So even if you have insulted the other person or get carried away with your feelings, you can actually talk about everythibg afterwards and sort things out. At least for my marriage of 3 years.
Communication is key. That's one of the main things I struggled with early in my relationship with my husband. It took awhile, but I did learn that I can actually say what I'm thinking, feeling, or needing to him & I won't get told I'm stupid or doing anything wrong (thanks, Dad, for always making me feel like a dummy!).
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The only thing I didn't see in this list is always kiss your spouse/partner goodbye when you part. You never know when it could be the last time you get the chance to.
We kiss several times a day, even if one is not going away. But if one leaves the room where we both are, the other gets a kiss. We love kissing and it's been 30+ years.
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I got some great advice from my granny. Wherever you choose to live, make sure it's far enough away from your mother and your mother in law, that they have to ring before they come over lol We've followed that advice and it's been very helpful!
My marriage is my refuge from the world. He is my rock my best friend and my biggest cheerleader. I would say try for these things and try to be these things.
I also want to add, don't put your sex life on the backburner. I know it's hard to make it front and center, but sex is an important part of a relationship and so many people get caught up in being tired, being overworked, being swamped with the kids, etc. that sex with your partner is the first thing to go. Make the effort to have 2 nights a week that are date nights. Get a babysitter. Make yourself presentable. Or even if you just want to make out on the couch watching a movie in your sweats- get the kids away from you. Don't let your kids completely suck the life out of you in the name of being a good parent. Remember who you are as individuals and make the effort to attract each other and be fun. Tell each other dirty things. Just enjoy one another.
Musänica, is based in the United States, and sees itself as the premiere online music database, as well as a rapidly rising website connecting bands with their fan base. We are another way of turning music into a means of bringing people together.
Communication is the key to any successful relationship. If you cant talk to your partner, then you're not partners. You should be able to communicate effectively, whatever that looks like between the two of you.
My wife's grandfather and grandmother were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. Someone asked him about it, and he said it felt like ten minutes.. his wife walked away and he said "Ten minutes under water". I'm using that line if my marriage lasts that long!
Another great piece of advice is to not be a liar like amber herd.
So much of this resonates with me. I thought my ex was the one for me. We were together for 8 years, but I think we were over by year 6 or so. There are so many things both of us could have done better. I don't ever want to get back with him, though, I'm trying to think of the whole experience as a lesson. I learned a lot about myself as a result and am currently working on making myself better. I have been in therapy for about a year and counting and have high hopes of someday finding someone who is actually right for me, but taking my time. I'm terribly lonely, but I don't want to rush into anything. I think that was the first mistake my ex and I made. Anyway, thank for reading my ramblings, whoever reads this.
Your story resonates with me. It’s comforting to hear my experience is not unique and it makes me feel less alone and more confident that my new path on my own is the right one at this time. Working on myself first is my primary concern too. Thank you for sharing snd much luck in your journey.
Load More Replies... Lots of people giving lots of intake based on their personal experience. I guess all people are different and what works for one couple doesn't have to work for the next. So I'd take some of the advice given here with a grain of salt.
I always take these lists with a grain of salt - as you said, everyone is different. What works for some won't work for everyone, but sometimes a different viewpoint can be essential to a relationship.
Load More Replies... I think that the most valuable tip for a healthy marriage is that you can talk everything thru. So even if you have insulted the other person or get carried away with your feelings, you can actually talk about everythibg afterwards and sort things out. At least for my marriage of 3 years.
Communication is key. That's one of the main things I struggled with early in my relationship with my husband. It took awhile, but I did learn that I can actually say what I'm thinking, feeling, or needing to him & I won't get told I'm stupid or doing anything wrong (thanks, Dad, for always making me feel like a dummy!).
Load More Replies... The only thing I didn't see in this list is always kiss your spouse/partner goodbye when you part. You never know when it could be the last time you get the chance to.
We kiss several times a day, even if one is not going away. But if one leaves the room where we both are, the other gets a kiss. We love kissing and it's been 30+ years.
Load More Replies... I got some great advice from my granny. Wherever you choose to live, make sure it's far enough away from your mother and your mother in law, that they have to ring before they come over lol We've followed that advice and it's been very helpful!
My marriage is my refuge from the world. He is my rock my best friend and my biggest cheerleader. I would say try for these things and try to be these things.
I also want to add, don't put your sex life on the backburner. I know it's hard to make it front and center, but sex is an important part of a relationship and so many people get caught up in being tired, being overworked, being swamped with the kids, etc. that sex with your partner is the first thing to go. Make the effort to have 2 nights a week that are date nights. Get a babysitter. Make yourself presentable. Or even if you just want to make out on the couch watching a movie in your sweats- get the kids away from you. Don't let your kids completely suck the life out of you in the name of being a good parent. Remember who you are as individuals and make the effort to attract each other and be fun. Tell each other dirty things. Just enjoy one another.
Musänica, is based in the United States, and sees itself as the premiere online music database, as well as a rapidly rising website connecting bands with their fan base. We are another way of turning music into a means of bringing people together.
Communication is the key to any successful relationship. If you cant talk to your partner, then you're not partners. You should be able to communicate effectively, whatever that looks like between the two of you.
My wife's grandfather and grandmother were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. Someone asked him about it, and he said it felt like ten minutes.. his wife walked away and he said "Ten minutes under water". I'm using that line if my marriage lasts that long!
Another great piece of advice is to not be a liar like amber herd.
