Not all birthdays are created equal. When we let most numbers pass without a fuss, milestone occasions ending in zero — bigger flips of the page — are important enough to mark the passing of another year. When you reach that landmark age, you know you deserve more than a witty card and a cake blaring “wow, you’re old!”. Not because you expect your loved ones to spend a small fortune, but because you hope they will make your day extra special.
Unfortunately, that was not the case for one woman who recently shared on Mumsnet that her 30th birthday left her deeply disappointed. Her boyfriend, who is “not struggling financially”, made no effort with her present and also managed to turn a sweet celebratory dinner into a bitter experience.
Unsure of what to think of his actions, the woman reached out to the community and asked them to evaluate the situation. Scroll down to read the story in full, as well as how the people reacted. Then decide for yourself what the woman should do, and be sure to weigh in on the discussion in the comments.
This woman recently shared how her 30th birthday celebration was ruined by her boyfriend’s “lack of effort”
Image credits: ilonn16 (not the actual photo)
She reached out to the internet to gain some perspective on the situation
Image credits: garann (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Fairylights246
After reading the post, fellow forum users were quick to offer their opinion on what the woman should do. Especially considering that the couple is still in the honeymoon phase, some said the woman should dump her boyfriend — but not everyone agreed. Other people chimed in stating the boyfriend did at least remember the occasion and expressing that the amount of money he spent on the gift isn’t what really matters.
Gifts can be a powerful tool in bringing two people together. But sometimes, present-giving is a bit tricky. Whether you’re unsure what to buy, the relationship is new, or the traditions you were raised in are rather different — thinking of something special to give your partner can often feel like navigating a minefield.
To gain more insight on the topic, we reached out to John Kenny, a relationship empowerment coach, host of The Relationship Guy podcast, and author of The P.E.O.P.L.E. Programme: How to Overcome Your Blocks to Success. According to him, it shouldn’t be hard to find something your loved ones enjoy if you notice what they are interested in.
Of course, there will always be people who are very hard to please, no matter the sentiment behind your gift, Kenny added. “But if you put thought into something, then the receiver, on the whole, will appreciate it. Be aware of their love language too, as you can make it even more special if it fits their style.”
“It can also be hard for those who are people pleasers or lack confidence, have a need to be accepted or liked as their fear of getting it wrong can lead to anxiety when looking for something/doing something. Again though, if you have paid attention, then there will be something you can do.”
When it comes to the story in question, relationship coach Kenny pointed out that the boyfriend did not take the time, thought, or attention to give his partner a good gift. “Their partner has no desire to make them feel special on their birthday, and the icing on the cake is to ask them to go dutch!”
“She has every right to feel upset at not only the lack of thought but the cheap nature of the gift. This could make someone feel uncared for and undervalued and that you haven’t taken any interest in who they are,” Kenny explained. “Over time, this will have a detrimental impact on the relationship as it consistently shows a lack of consideration.”
However, looking at the bigger picture and the previous nine months of the relationship suggests that it doesn’t fall in line with this, he added. “They may show love from their own love language perspective and don’t see material things as significant, and this needs to be addressed if you do.”
“They may also be an avoidant type personality and their feelings could be changing after 9 months, and this is their way of withdrawing from the relationship. Or they could be a manipulative type person who has love bombed for 9 months and now believe they don’t need to put in any effort and are testing how much you will put up with,” Kenny said and added to be mindful of these things and never settle for less than you deserve.
Handling these situations comes down to communication. “It should be evident to them how you feel about your birthday,” Kenny said. “If they don’t realize that you are looking forward to it, haven’t discussed the significance of it, etc., then they may think you don’t want to be made a fuss of or thought about. If they also don’t indulge themselves on their birthday, then they may do the same with you.”
“That is why it is important they are aware of how you feel about it and do something you will find significant. Not spending lots of money or going to fancy places necessarily, but something meaningful you will appreciate.”
Coach Kenny likes to use an equation to determine the quality of the relationship. “If you are getting 80% of what you want and need from someone, then that is a good base for a relationship. The other 20% we can usually manage as everything else is good. Anything less than that, and we want to consider if this is the right person for me.”
After reading the story, some people sounded the alarm about the relationship
While there is no set of rules on how much you should spend, a survey of more than 1,000 U.S. consumers conducted by LendingTree found that spending is highest on birthday gifts, surpassing milestones like weddings and graduations. Moreover, 45% of recipients admitted to spending more than they can afford because they “want the recipient to think highly of me.” Over half of consumers felt pressured to buy a gift at some point, and another 39% reported typically spending between $100 and $499 on gifts for others’ celebrations in a year.
Jeff Galak, an associate professor of marketing at Carnegie Mellon University’s Tepper School of Business and co-author of a study called Why Certain Gifts Are Great to Give but Not to Get, found that givers mainly focus on the moment of gift exchange, whereas recipients primarily think about how valuable the object will be once owned.
When it comes to reasons people choose bad gifts for their loved ones, Galak previously told Bored Panda that mistakes occur because givers don’t ask recipients what they want. “There’s an odd cultural taboo that exists which makes people uncomfortable asking someone what kind of gift they want. But that taboo is entirely inappropriate. Gift recipients know what they want and they are eager to tell gift-givers. There is nothing wrong with sharing that information and there’s nothing wrong with asking for it.”
According to the professor, a wrong gift can also signal a lack of care. “If a giver gives a gift that isn’t well received, there is a chance that the relationship will be strained. Gifts act as a social lubricant that signals care for another person… but that is undermined when the gift is bad.”
Of course, there is one way to avoid finding ourselves in these kinds of situations. “Just ask! The easiest way to give a good gift is to ask someone what they want. People appreciate the fact that they are being asked as that signals that the giver really wants to give something that is well-liked,” he explained.
Ultimately, everyone has a different financial situation and a certain relationship with the birthday star, so it’s best to communicate with each other and determine what works best for you. What did you think of the situation? Do you think the woman has a fair point or expects too much of her partner? Let us know where you stand on the matter in the comments, we’d love to hear from you.
And others reminded the user that it’s not all about the money
No, it's not about money, but the gift should be personalized. People who claim that you should be grateful for any present because it's "a sign of attention" forget that attention is only worth something when it's sincere, when a person actually thought of you and wanted to get something nice for you. Buying a random-a*s generic gift just to check the box isn't the attention people want to get on their birthday.
I've said this before, when my partner asked, but it bears saying again: standing in front of someone and offering them a sincere acknowledgement of affection/a special occasion is worth more than any gift. In this case, I suspect you're right, and the boyfriend was just checking boxes.
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On my 50th birthday, my husband said we'd go out to eat but it was my turn to pay because we were switching at the time (all our finances are separate which is fine with me). Someone must have said something to him because he ended up paying. What gets to me is that I go out of my way to select the perfect gifts for people, but my birthday is rarely acknowledged. The only gifts I ever get are money or "you buy it and I'll pay you back". Oddly, I didn't realize this upset me until this moment. It would mean so much to me for someone to show that they care enough to know what things I would like. I don't care how much it costs. The monetary value is unimportant and not the point.
Same here. I usually do something super special for friends and family. Stay up late ro bake a cake, make secret parties with friends, etc. My birthday is just... "organize it yourself" :/
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Something that I encounter is that the people in a new couple might have very different preferences/expectations for how birthdays (or other occasions) are observed. If you have hopes for a day that's special to you, it's good to communicate that so they know what you want. Some people worry it won't be as special if they have to ask for it, but the downside is you're leaving it up to someone to guess correctly and they might not
Exactly this. I stopped caring about my birthdays long before I turned 30. Maybe this guy just assumed it was the case with her as well.
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I need to comment😬. Observers are telling you to AT LEAST be thankful he DID SOMETHING??? He gave you a slap in the face for a special occasion. And made you pay for dinner! What an a**, plain & simple. This is worse than nothing. You can do so much better. Yes, it's about the thought... And he didn't and he doesn't.
IF her entire issue was the crappy necklace, I MIGHT say "At least he got you something", but wanting her to cover her share of dinner is not a good look (unless she is the one who decided they were going out to eat, then I think he'd be technically in the right, although decent people would pick up the check anyway). The ridiculously cheap necklace is also an issue if he is able to afford more. Not expensive, but maybe $40/$50 silver necklace that won't tarnish, break easily, or turn her neck green.
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I just came back from a first date with a guy. He bring me beautiful bouquet of roses. It must have been really pricey. Of course It´s not all about money but showing some effort is priceless.
Exactly. One of my boyfriends lived in the country and on a date, he bought a lovely vase and filled it with flowers from the fields. Best bouquet ever.
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It's not about the actual gift itself, but the effort and thought put into it. In saying that though, some people (stereotypically men) are clueless when it comes to gift giving. You can go 2 ways, 1. Just forget about the whole thing or 2. Bring it up and discuss it with your partner.
I don't know, my ex was rubbish at giving gifts and presents because he just could not see the meaning to it because to him (he'd had a messy upbringing) it was the every day stuff that meant more. To his credit, us breaking up was neither of our faults and I'd much rather have a loving, attentive man, than someone who throws money around but doesn't care. But then again I've had some awful men so maybe I have low standards lol
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As someone who is stingy and a tad miserly herself, nah, I would never treat someone else like that on their day. I would try to save up a little here and there, and make it worth it, or make a homemade item for them. There's being cheap for yourself, but being cheap with others is just kinda gross.
I'm wondering if maybe he felt some pressure, possibly entirely of his own making, about it being a milestone birthday when they're not long in the relationship. Maybe he was concerned that if he bought a really nice gift it might be interpreted as a sign of commitment that he did not feel. Personally, I would've avoided jewelry all together rather than get cheap jewelry. I'd probably go with something like tickets to a fun event. Thoughtful and fun, but doesn't really say anything about where the relationship stands. Still, not paying for dinner on someone's birthday is pretty bad. Even if you normally split checks, birthdays are different. That's not confined to romantic relationships. My friends don't pay on their birthdays. I wonder if that was another way of saying he wasn't super serious about the relationship. I do strongly suspect that, while he may be fond of her, he's just not that into her. He's not thinking about her long term and doesn't want to give the wrong impression.
Nine months is long enough to know if you're going to be hanging around. This dude is just a cheap jerk who probably just wants a regular booty call.
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It's not about the money. My ex used to buy random stuff on Amazon which I had no use for. With an upbringing on the poorer side it hurt to see the money that has been wasted, as he wouldn't send any of that stuff back. But on my last birthday he finally toned it down. He gifted me a self made voucher for going to the cinema and watch a movie I have been talking about. He brought home part one and two to watch before approaching part three in the cinema. And we went out for a nice dinner before that. I ended up paying for the tickets myself because I used an app for that. But I didn't and still don't care, because he put thoughts and effort in that present, which was all that matters. At that point we were already separated for estimated four years 😂
Y'all stop assuming s&it and take this at face value: impersonal goofy greeting card, cheap necklace that broke the first day she wore it, THEN HE EXPECTS HER TO GO HALF ON HER BIRTHDAY DINNER?! Every woman/queen who is looking for her king ends up sometimes with the court jester. This guy is the CJ straight out of the gate. Dump his sorry a$$ because he has shown what he really thinks of you. FTR, no man I ever dated did anything as cheap and thoughtless as this. If you don't regard yourself as high-value, no man will either.
Oh my! I’m not materialistic in any way, but that guy is not a keeper. There’s no redeeming that situation. Too many awful layers. Nine months is long enough to know where the wind is blowing and he showed his regard for her. Move along…
His parents didn't raise him right. Never mind the gift- asking you to pay half at the restaurant on your birthday is unacceptable. Sit him down for a talk about how his miserly actions made you feel and how the rest of the world generally handles special days. If he is resistant to changing, leave him.
It’s his parents’ fault this guy is clueless and cheap? No. It’s called listening and paying attention. If a man is seeing a 30 year old woman, he should have enough sense to simply ask “What do you want for your birthday?” And if it’s a gift, the birthday girl doesn’t pay for it. Many parents do raise their children right along with being good role models and their adult children chose to behave badly.
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It's not about money, you can do a lot of things at no cost if you're thoughtful and actually care about the person. Good thing she can dump him. I'm guessing its not the first time he's let her down
It didn't sound as if she's a gold-digger. She sounds hurt by his lack of effort. She should tell him how she feels. If his response is not what she needs to hear, she should leave. It won't get better and she obviously needs what he can't offer.
It's not just the cheap jewelry. It's not a question of him spending money or not spending money. It's his lack of respect for her or the relationship. Maybe she needs to ask herself does she want to spend her 35th, 40th, 50th 60th or heaven forbid, her 70th birthday with a chintzy uncaring, inconsiderate schmuck like that? For what? So she won't be alone? A woman could waste decades of her life with men like that expecting them to change to a generous, caring and romantic person. Truth: He will continue to treat you any way he wants because you consented to it. Better to be alone than put up with that. Dump him? Absolutely! He's not your "last chance." There's other and better fish in the sea. Get out there and find the one who treat you with the respect you deserve.
The truth? Dump him. If a man won't buy you a meal, especially on your birthday, then what else is he not going to do? You needed to excuse yourself to the ladies room, and not come back. He put absolutely no effort into your birthday, or into making you feel special, and those trying to gloss over what he did, I feel sorry for. This is why I say to rotational date, and not settle for just one person, until there's one in the rotation that really sticks out. Even at 9 months though he could have done way better. If he can treat himself, then he can treat you, and if he's testing you, then dump you, because if you have to test someone, then why be with them? I was with a guy like this, and it doesn't get any better. I made excuses for him, and everything, but nothing changed. I told him that even a wild flower beside the rode, and a hand written note is better than being treated as an after thought. Get out while you can,and don't look back.
If she’s unwilling to communicate her feelings, then it’s on her. “I don’t want to upset him.” 🤦🏽♀️ UGH! I wish that people would talk more about their feelings. Tell people what you want, or you won’t get it.
I disagree. This is not on her. He would have to be either a complete moron or else living under a rock to think that it's okay to make her pay for her own birthday dinner. I can excuse the crappy gift but not the dinner, generic card and complete lack of effort. He had no interest in making her happy. I just don't think he's invested at all in the relationship.
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I hope that these people who create these kind of online posts, puts as much effort to express themselves to theirs partners (or whoever they have disagreement with). Not just online people... To be truly heard... Because at the end of the day.. who cares what anyone else thinks online.. it's the actual person she will have to face.
True.. but maybe she's not sure if her feelings are justified, or if she's being unreasonable. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to see the whole picture.
Load More Replies... AT LEAST he got you something? AT LEAST he acknowledged your birthday? No, no, no. You should not be expected to be happy with a few crumbs he tosses your way. It's not about the money -- it's about the effort. There was no effort put into the gift. He could buy a necklace online in 5 minutes. The biggest red flag is the dinner -- expecting you to pay half for your birthday dinner? Are you kidding? Not okay. A generic card? Not okay. If this is what is happening during the honeymoon phase of your relationship it will only get much worse as time goes on, and you will increasingly feel disappointed, unloved and unworthy. I speak from experience after years with someone like that. This guy is not putting in the effort because he does not care to make you happy. Cut your losses now and please don't try to justify his behavior. It sounds harsh, but I don't think he is invested in your relationship and he's just going through the motions of doing "bare minimum." You deserve better.
Other people are correct in saying that "it's not about the money." However, unless you're really struggling financially there is no excuse for getting someone the equivalent of a gumball machine present for their birthday, if your dating. He could have gotten her a gift certificate for an activity that both of them enjoyed. The cost is irrelevant. The biggest problem I see is the going "Dutch" for dinner. That was ridiculous, and extremely almost disrespectful. I would be MORE than ok with going Dutch for every meal we eat out together, but NOT for my birthday. I'm sorry that was just beyond ridiculous. If he couldn't afford Red Lobster the Chinese buffet would have been perfect. I would take him out and pay for both of us on HIS birthday so I would consider anything less on mine relationship ending because of the implications of his doing that
There are a lot of bits about this that I'd like to know more about. Have they always split bills& he made a stupid assumption? Has he bought her flashy presents before? Was this a complete change from how he usually treats her? (She says he's affectionate but this seems to be mostly abt $) Maybe he thought the card was funny. Maybe he thought he found a good deal on a necklace he thought she might like? (We've all been burned by Amazon in the past lol) Has he had a birthday in those 9 months and how did she treat him? Has he had friends or family members that had birthdays over the course of those 9 months and how did he treat them? Maybe he doesn't care much for fuss about birthdays. My friends, family and I are "silly card & crappy gift on purpose" ppl. Unless it's something that person actually needs or asks for directly, giving an expensive gift just for the sake of giving an expensive gift can come across as a desperate plea for praise or assumption their affection can be bought
To explain why I said it feels more like a money thing bc so many people are mentioning that gifts are great if they come from an intention of good (and I agree). What hit me was that she doesn't mention if he told her why he got that particular necklace, she just said it was cheap. There is so little context given and that's why her post comes off as whiny and entitled. Her feelings could be totally justified, I just can't say if they are or are not because there is nothing to base an opinion on.
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How about someone ruining a birthday gift I gave them that cost me a lot of money because they didn't believe it actually did??? My old boyfriend showed me a gold(not real) watch he wanted badly. It was $250. I saved up to get it for him but the day I went to get it they were out of stock. The guy was really nice and let me buy a similar watch that cost $325 for the price of the first watch. I was so excited to give it to my BF! So it comes to the time that he opens it....the first thing he says is that it's not the watch he wanted. I explained to him what happened and how he got a more expensive watch now! He says....this watch is fake...they lied to you at the store. It's cheap. I didn't know what to say. I took the watch and brought it back and kept the money for myself.
It seems to me that the people who are saying "it's not about money" are missing the point and perhaps are the type of people who sacrifice their own happiness in order to just have a relationship. No, it's not about money, it's about putting the effort in to make your SO feel special. If, as one commenter said, they are pulling away or testing, that's not conducive to a good relationship. His personal issues are not her problem. He didn't have to spend a lot of money to give her a gift that was thoughtful and meaningful, and he absolutely should not have asked her to pay half for that particular dinner. If I were her I'd end the relationship. This just seems like huge red flags.
Get out now. He's not that into you. I spent nearly 7 years with a man just like him and I left a very broken woman. I have not dated in over 20 years because of being so devalued.
Same here. As time goes on you start to feel like he doesn't treat you better because you're not pretty enough, smart enough, interesting enough etc. Today I know I was always more than enough and he is the loser. Eleven years later I am still not interested in another relationship because I will not risk being a fool again. The OP is only 30 years old. She should not let this guy steal her best years.
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The gift is one thing, but suggesting they pay separately for dinner is what pushes him into cheap territory. He could have forgone the cheap trinket and taken her out to a restaurant and paid. He could have gotten her a more thoughtful gift and had a nice night in. Unfortunately we don't know what he was thinking. He could have thought he was giving her the world for all we know. But she says she doesn't feel like she gets enough attention and needs to explain that feeling to him. Myself personally, I don't like gifts, My BF has given me one birthday present in 10 years, it's the only one I allowed. I'll occasionally give him a birthday present but usually we just make ourselves available for what ever the other person wants to do on their birthday. I make sure I have off work that day and keep a clear schedule. There was one year his wish was just 'him time' and we didn't talk all day i kept myself busy but nothing i couldn't stop if he changed his mind.
No woman has to put up with this type of jerk (the reverse is also true). This is an issue of self~respect. He certainly isn't respecting this woman and I don't mean he has to drop a fortune, but this 'gift' was just nasty cheap. He has the funds, he isn't a 13 yr old. Splitting the cost of a meal is fine, if it ISN'T a birthday! Was his birthday celebrated? How much of an effort was made by her? Let him know, calmly, that you respect yourself and you'll not be dating someone who doesn't. Dodge that bullet.
The crappy present could be, somehow, with effort, sort of explained, some people are really clueless at giving gifts, but making her paid half for her birthday dinner, WTF, seriously? he's cheating on you dear, if you don't see it it's because you are being willingly blind, what happens from now on is entirely on you
Those comments against her are something else. They act like it was about the money and she should just be happy he is there... But the thing is, he is not there as being there means caring and knowing the person.9 months is a long time and at that point askingbher to paybjalf the meal is just disgusting on her birthday. He treated her like trash, that's not being there that is being a pos and she needs to leave him. Seriously what abusive upbringing do these people have that they see nothing wrong with what he did...it has nothing to do with money.
Some people don't think birthdays are that important. This was something that happened between my mom and dad. My dad would go to the ends of the world for my mom, but forgot about her birthday. My mom used to get sad about it, until she decided to talk to him and convey how important it is to her. Her last birthday, she was happily showing off the necklace my dad got for her to everyone. I think op should just talk to her boyfriend. And if he really loves her, he'll understand and figure something out.
Completely agree. I don't really care about Birthdays or Holiday celebrations, it's just how my family is, we're happy to try see each other when we can, sometimes it's made easier by giving a birthday as the reason but gifts aren't really pushed. I prefer putting in random thoughtful efforts without structure, there's no stress and the love and care seems to hit harder. If someone had an issue I'd hope we could exchange in conversation about our thoughts instead of hiding it or complaining online
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When someone says that "they're not struggling for money because they're always buying themselves xyz" I always think that maybe they actually are struggling because they're always buying xyz. People who have money usually have it because they're responsible spenders and are not always out buying xyz. Unless she has seen his bank statements, she really doesn't know if he's as financially sound as he says he is.
This one hits hard for me. I shower my partner with gifts, while he doesn't typically give gifts to anyone, even during gift giving occasions where he knows he'll receive a gift. He's anti-materialistic and as a child his parents had toxic, forced gift giving patterns. He gives me Christmas and birthday gifts, and that's it. Last year, his finances were tight because despite making way more than me, he'd had a big expense and was replenishing his savings. I told him he didn't need to give me a gift, or it could be something cheap, like $5 or less. He gave me nothing. Which is fine, I told him he could, but I wonder too if it was a test. Meanwhile I'm spending a huge percentage of my money on things I want to give him. It's not about the money or keeping score, but when I'm constantly thinking about what gifts would make him happy and he won't even pick me a flower or buy me a $2 trinket that made him think of me, it begins to feel lonely. I will note that he is not stingy and will cover us both when eating out and doing activities as there's a huge income difference between the two of us. But the gesture of giving me physical gifts, even cheap ones, is one I long for, and I don't feel like I can ask for it when I know his family has forced him into the obligation of giving gifts in the past.
Not defending boyfriend, but that one comment does have me wondering if he's checking to see if she's a gold digger. Still, if that's the case, there are better ways of finding out than this. Gold diggers are usually fairly obvious and 9 months in, he should already have a clue to if she is or isn't. So on the other hand, the lack of effort could mean something else. My dad didn't make much, but he always did something for Mom on her birthdays and etc. So I'm also thinking he's not really that into her.
The boyfriend may have led you to believe he is not in financial distress, but may really be on a very tight budget. Have you actually seen his current bank statements? If that is not the case, something strange is going on. Who takes someone to lunch for their birthday and expects them to pay for their own meal? That was the moment when you should have said no to his going Dutch foolishness. I know high school and college students in my working class family who spent more on a girlfriend’s birthday present.
I’d rather get nothing than a cheesy crappy necklace. He could at least buy one made of silver or gold. My ex husbands gave me a bunch of costume jewelry for V day once when he knew I HATE costume jewelry. He didn’t even buy it, someone gave it to him. So I gave it back. I don’t wear much jewelry at all. If you are going to give your gal a gift, make sure it is quality. It needn’t be Tiffany or Cartier, but decent quality. I’d just as soon get a gift card so I can buy what I want. Or even better, I’d rather get nothing. St Valentine’s Day is a catholic holy day and just doesn’t hold the same importance to me as it does for lovers.
I (21 F) actually had a fight with my ex (20 M) similar to this. His birthday was only a couple months into our relationship and he lived further away so during winter break I'd drive over 4 hours to visit him a few times a week while gas prices were soaring. He never offered to pitch in for gas or a place to stay but I didn't really mind since I liked him. Found out he never really celebrated his birthday so I made him a dreamcatcher to give him part of my culture and help him with his constant nightmares. I also made his favorite cake, rented out an airbnb, treated him to meals during his birthday, and got him a few other gifts that reminded me of him (stuffed animal, Keychain, shirt, etc). Fast forward to half a year later when it was my birthday and the first thing he says to me was "Is it your birthday today?" I don't think he actually ever wished me a happy birthday even to this day. Took him a month to get me a gift abd we eventually broke up due to lack of effort on his part...
P.S. he wouldn't hesitate to drop hundreds on himself and his cats yet the birthday present he eventually gave me was a stuffed animal that HE wanted himself. Only as I was breaking up with him did he offer to buy me a stuffed animal I mentioned was cute in passing. I even told him that the gift didn't have to be a physical gift but a letter or something that showed I wasn't the only one putting effort into the relationship. If they really want you, they'll put in the time and effort to prove it.
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Speaking as a dude, just break up. Obviously he doesn't met your expectations, and if i were him I don't want to be bothered with fights in the future about me forgetting 35th birthday, 40th birthday, lack of efforts on kid's birthday's, etc. You don't like him, he don't like you, break up.
Are you related to the boyfriend by any chance. Seems you plan to forget important dates of loved ones.
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Perhaps birthdays weren't celebrated when he was growing up and to him they are just another day. My husband and his family are like this. I gave him a birthday card once and he looked at me like I was crazy. Lol. Now I just say Happy Birthday hun and on my day he does the same. My mom used to bake me a birthday cake every birthday until she passed five years ago. I sure miss those cakes. And her.
Testing to see if a potential partner is a 'gold digger' who is only interested in material things is par for the course these days, unfortunately. Too many get burned in relationships these days. Gifts shouldn't HAVE to be expensive, but should be well thought out and not 'so cheap they fall apart' that's a tad irresponsible and obviously didn't involve much thought. REMEMBERING a date is important. Not spending for the whole meal is a bit more dodgy however. Saying You love someone and not spending any effort to prove it with well thought out moments/gifts...is typically the sign of a probable Narcissist.
Some people just aren't great at gifts. Maybe birthdays aren't a big deal to him. There is so much we don't know. I feel like this post speaks volumes about the poster. If she chooses to stay with him, maybe shower him with gifts on his birthday, and the penny should drop.
I feel like this is a bit of selfishness on her part as we don't have a full picture here. Yes it was a milestone birthday for her, but they've been together less than a year. Did she even let him know she wanted romance and whatnot? Maybe he just sucks at gift giving. Even if he has thousands in savings, that's his money not hers and it might have a purpose. I do think he could have sprung for dinner though, if not that night, maybe another when he had more funds available. All that being said she needs to act like a grown-up and discuss her problem with her boyfriend.
Your boyfriend of less than a year got you a birthday gift and a card. You are complaining about a gift he got you. Think about that. You got a gift, you are complaining about. You say he is very caring and loving on the daily. (??) So if he is expressing his love for you by showing you daily, why would you be upset about the price or quality of a gift? Would you rather he not show you love or care for the time you've been together but give you lavish gifts one day a year? It sounds petty to me. If being showered with gifts are most important to you, you may need to drop him.
Remember the good old days when men tried harder because women made them earn the right to get them in bed? Not saying anything about the OP, just saying dating has changed, but expectations haven't changed with it. Don't blame your boyfriend, blame modern feminism.
Maybe he's checking to see if you're a gold digger. Would you rather he put a monetary value on your relationship and bought you something you could sell in emergencies? I buy gifts in accordance with their other values. Like aesthetics and symbolism. And the fact that you have globalized your issue with him is more than sufficient as revenge.
Obviously, because of the perspective of the post, it's going to have bias in the writing that's going to make the scenario sound worse than it was. Honestly, the problem seems to be the woman more, because especially by 30, birthdays are not THAT important, even at 9 months into a relationship. Despite the obviously not-so-great birthday, she seems to have some self centered expectations about her partners. Although, this one instance isn't enough to know either person, so there's no reason anyone should be saying they need to break up. However, making her pay her half of the meal does not look good.
"Atleast he's remembered" ..... the bar is so low for men that remembering a fucken date is like.... praise worthy! Mind you, this date can easily be saved into the thing that's in your pocket or hand 97% of the time... & get this you can even set a reminder alarm! So it takes no effort to remember anything anymore & yet dude is being praised for no forgetting.
I'm 37 years old male and have only received "happy birthdays" and nothing else. I don't even think I've had a birthday party as a child. Get over yourself, it's really not that serious. I don't get people s**t for their birthday because nobody ever made a big deal about mine - maybe he hasn't learned or associated birthdays as a serious thing as y'all have.
It's pretty early in the relationship IMO did his birthday pass? What did you do for him? Always two sides to a story. I mean I've done late fall carriage ride with thermos filled with hot chocolate around a lake lake wrought with maple trees rose pedals leading up to the bed. By the time my birthday rolled around got the axe soooo. Be thankful you got anything. Some people are honestly so ungrateful
I don't do birthdays and I don't do dinners out because they're always an utter disappointment.
Wow so he didn't put any type of thought into your birthday gift and he took you out to dinner and asked you to pay for your own meal but he can spend a lot on his self. Woman ditch this loser. You could've stayed at home and ordered or cooked your own meal why waste your time on a selfish loser. Now some people might say well at least he acknowledged your special day but did he really by giving you a cheap gift and making you pay for your own food wth? Run and leave this loser in the wind. Just keep being yourself and also if you do decide to stay with this loser do the same thing to him, just give him a cheap gift, some random card and make him pay for his own meal after all do unto others as you'd have them do unto you.
I believe most are overthinking their relationship. It's not about money, sincerity or possibly love. She's the flavour of the moment for him. That's all. Dump.him.
I don't even remember what birthday it was but will never forget that the birthday cake he surprised me with had a photo of me on it from when I was little. Turns out he contacted my parents to get a photo of me when I was little and he took it to the bakery so they could duplicate it. Best present ever! It was not something that was expensive but it was because he took the time to plan something
My husband and I, when we were first dating, we're coming up on my birthday around 10 months in. He had gotten bits and bobs from a cheap second hand crafts store, and made the most beautiful pendent out of what most would consider garbage. I'm gonna say he spent 2$ on it? But money isn't what I saw, I saw hours of work, a personalized gift and plenty of thought and love. That being said, I'd be pissed if he gave me a joke card and a cheap Amazon necklace. I don't care that it's low value, I care that he put zero effort into it. I'd rather have a handmade gift any day.
I'm less worried about the gift and more worried about wanting to split the bill when going out for dinner on her birthday. A gift doesn't have to be expensive. But if you take your gf out for dinner on her birthday you don't let her pay her own meal. And if you can't afford to pay for two in a fancy five star restaurant, you take her to a restaurant you actually can afford. With the gift you can say "it's the thought that counts" but then again what was his thought? Did he just get something because he knew he couldn't show up empty handed? Or did he really hope she'd like the necklace because of its style, shape, etc and he wanted to get her something that would look so nice on her, even if not expensive? There can be so many thoughts behind buying a cheap necklace for gf's birthday. So yes, I agree that it's the thought that matters most, and she should definitely try to find out what exactly his thought was! Because it's the thought that can make this still sweet, or a total sign of taking her for granted after only 9 months. The fact that she had to pay her own meal doesn't exactly work in his favor either, he should apologize for that.
Not so worried about the gift. Some people are just not good gift givers. But wanting to go dutch on the birthday meal? Big Red Flag!
I didnt get s**t from my gf on my 30th birthday. In fact, I've never gotten any birthday gift from any gf that was worth anything or even reflected that she knew anything about me.
This is my take "no one is born great" we are all born buck naked, even with Jesus , he was born in a barn no less.. So I'd rather get a gift when I need something at the time I need it, because I am important to you. Not because of some date on a calendar. I'm nutty like that. 4 days ago the family was in a restaurant, and while waiting,looked down to find my left shoe had come apart. While sitting in the booth, my daughter goes on her phone orders me a new pair on line, they are being delivered in two days. BTW my birthday is at the end of this month, I like that I didn't have to wait. Maybe people could be more like that, get a random gift 'because' rather than it's for your (enter an occasion here), saves money and in some cases hard feelings.
Naw the fact that she wasn't even worth a meal even if she doesn't celebrate. I don't but my husband would surely pay for my food that.
My birthday is just another day. I couldn't care less what I get or if I get anything. Just had my 40th and we ordered pizza and stayed in. Very uneventful and the way I like it. No reason for people to spend their money on gifts for me especially right now with the economy the way it is.
He is very caring and affectionate. He tells me he loves me everyday, but I still don't feel special? Entitled much?
Oh please. How is she entitled? He's so caring that he puts in minimal effort and makes her pay for her own birthday dinner? He's not interested in making her happy. Affectionate? Yeah, probably because that gets him laid.
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At least he got her something. My ex didn't buy me a birthday present for years. I don't count the bottles of alcohol he bought "for me" that he ended up drinking himself.
I think it's amazing how many people are attacking her for having standards, it's disgusting. You should always be open with your partner about your expectations because maybe they came from a family that didn't buy expensive gifts or didn't think of birthdays as important and she obviously did so doesn't necessarily make him cheap but she may not be communicating effectively. Also it's totally possible he could be cheap. It's really easy for people to say dumb c**p like "I WouLd bE HapPy wiTh a McDonALd's voUcHer anD a SmAck on thE BuTt, (like it makes you a better person or some garbage?) which is ridiculous to think that everyone should meet your standard. Moral of the story, communicate with your partner. People don't tend to like logic on these threads but I will keep pushing it over ridiculous poorly thought out need your reactions and closed minded judgments.
I do not get The urge to runto the internet anf complain about a stupid "Shitty birthday" gift. This is Just seeking for attention and pats on the back. She should talk this out with her BF in private and tell him her feelings about it, and not whine over it on reddit for those sweet sweet Internet points.
I feel that more context is needed. Questions that come up before making judgment, such as, has SHE been affectionate? Has she been caring and loving? As in my experience, some men lose heart when denied those things and loads of men going magtow due to entitlement. He may be an idiot who doesn't know how to appreciate, or she may be one of those "I AM the prize." Types, so again, more context.
Everyone sounds so entitled. If this person loves you and treats you well and shows you they care every day, why the fuss over material objects? It's not like there was no gift and op said they've only been dating for several months, not even a year. The gift apparently just wasn't good enough. People are so brainwashed if they really get hurt over not enough money being spent in recognition of some event, when the love and affection are there. Corporations are so proud of you right now
I have a "lovely" story about a long haul trucker I once dated. We had been "dating" for a few months, but had only seen each other twice, as his job had him on the road for a month or more at a time. We made plans that he was going to take the week of my birthday off(which was also my college spring break) and we were going to spend some actual time together. We hang out the night he gets home, and then he calls me the next day and says he's got a cold. Okay, fine. The several following days, though, he takes his grandma to the casino and goes shopping. But he's still not feeling well enough to see me. Right. I say at least come to my birthday dinner, just a few mutual friends. He goes out with a friend coming to the dinner, spends perhaps a few hundred on new shoes and an outfit for himself, and my birthday present, which was $25 gift card to itunes. (This story is 10plus years old) He might have paid for my dinner, but I honestly don't remember. I think I broke up with him the next
I agree it's not about the money. He could be saving up for a future or maybe gifts aren't his love language or specialty.
True, but he spends loads on himself, and makes her go Dutch for dinner on her birthday. That's the part that gets me.
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Though this isn't an excuse, gift giving can be hard. It causes me anxiety, I don't want to get something useless or lame, I want it to be something they really like or need. But sometimes it's just so hard, yeah I can offer my time but that only works with some people. Some people are very materialistic. It's why I always try to push towards no gifts, unless you're young. My niece and nephew are still discovering life and aren't old enough to get a job so imo gifts are necessary so they can discover themselves. I really just want Google gift cards most of the time because I like digital books, to me that's a great gift, and to others it's a horrible gift. Even if someone doesn't put a lot of thought into it, at least they know enough to get me a "correct" gift.
Have you stopped to consider first, that this is your first birthday with him. First birthdays are patchy at the best of times, first you have to get the date right, figure out where to eat, what time are you doing it, maybe you worked that day and it was so hard you barely remembered, etc. Secondly, men, at least all the men I know besides myself, rarely talk about financial problems we are suffering due to the way society expects men to always be strong, emotionless (until it's expected), immovable forces, we must never show weakness unless we are alone and even then we are told we should feel ashamed for even that. Thirdly, maybe the gift and your overall perception of his feelings are based off of the environment he grew up in. (Disregard if your are already pretty chummy with his folks to know.) And last but not least, you fully admit you have not discussed this with him. When you decide to approach him, remember to approach in a non-confrontational manner.
When I turned 30 my son was a new born. My husband didn't get me anything at all. I told him later that I was upset and asked him to do something for my next birthday. He didn't do anything for the next two birthdays. The situation is kind of similar, though. He is sweet in other occasions, so I really don't understand why he simply doesn't put any type of effort into my birthdays.
Good way to chase the money hungry sorts away. Whatever the expectation is should have been voiced and brought up at the beginning of the relationship and not wait till you get disappointed.
Oh please. She doesn't sound money hungry. Sounds like she just would have appreciated a little effort on his part. A heartfelt card or note, paying for her birthday dinner, and choosing a moderately priced thoughtful gift are not too much to ask for, and any grown up should be able to figure tgat out without being told. He's not 10 years old. If he truly cared he would have put a little effort into it. He was not interested in making her happy.
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I can't believe no one said this in that entire thread. There's a decent chance he's not actually well off right now. Maybe he lost his job and hasn't had the courage to tell her yet. Maybe he's depressed. Maybe he's getting evicted. She shouldn't "dump him". full stop. She should sit down and ask if everything is okay and if there's anything he'd like to talk about. Give him the opportunity to come clean if there's anything he hasn't shared yet. Asking to go dutch on a birthday dinner does not sound like a cheapskate. It sounds like a red flag that he might not be able to afford rent this month.
I'm not buying it. If that was the case he still could have made her birthday special with a thoughtful card, inexpensive grocery store flowers, and a nice meal at home. Not about the money. He just made no effort.
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I'll be honest here. My wedding ring cost $40. I am more than happy with that because he thought of me when he got it, and got what he knew I would wear regularly and like. When I got sick and couldnt wear that ring, he got me another ring that I could wear, and still cheap. It is not an issue because I appreciate the thought nd that he knew I would be uncomfortable with an expensive ring. He also shows me love all the time, with small gestures. And every once in a while I get a big gesture. I see this everyday caring as way more important than the big things. It means he thinks about me daily, and does big gestures when he is feeling extra lovey. It is not about the cost. Evaluate your relationship, and if the love outweighs the money, you have found a good one.
I think after only nine months, he may not be into or sure of the relationship as she assumed. Giving her an expensive gift might have sent an incorrect message as to how much longer he thinks this romance will last. He probably would have been safer with flowers. But to measure a person based on how much they spend this early in the relationship could lead down the wrong path. I think she would just seem mercenary if she brings it up to him.
At least he took the time to shop and order it, my worst birthday present was a magazine that I don't read, bought at corner store and telling me he paid a 1 year subscription that I'm sure he did after. I would have preferred the cheap necklace. That was it for us, working at same company for 1 year I left the magazines in the office entrance clearly visible and made sure to leave the sticker with my name on it.
As I see it - he was nice to pay half. On birthdays we pay unless it is a surprise party or that's the present. They have been together for 9 months. Only 9 months. I agree he could've chosen something more personal but the price doesn't really matter. My experience with my mother - for my 30th birthday she got me gold (fake) cross with fake stones on it. I never wear gold and I am not religious. Told her that it would've been better if she gave me a chocolate, at least there was going to be some happiness because of it.
Most of my birthdays have been s**t like my dad being serious and saying he's glad they decided to not abort me or my abusive ex inviting his ex and mom to celebrate my birthday but instead celebrated them after getting slapped by him in front of a bunch of people, or my childhood home burning down soon after a birthday because my parents decided to make the one food I don't eat on my birthday. Anyone should just be content your birthday was even remembered. Congratulations you got pushed out a vagina or cut out. Woohoo let's make sure to go crazy about that..get over it. Treat yourself on your birthday if you want but everyone who expects perfection is a narcissist. Good luck having a perfect birthday lol
Ok so 9 months is not very long in terms of REAL relationship. "Thousands of dollars in his savings" um that's also not a lot of money. You don't know if it's earned or inheritance. If its inheritance you cant even act like its ok for him to spend it on you. Earned money again you have no idea what hes saving for if its a down payment on a house, im sorry sister but thats untouchable too. Honestly in terms of the gift you are being selfish. Now for you birthday dinner he should have paid in full due to it not only being your birthday in general, but it's your 30th! I think yall need to communicate better and get to know each other more. It Honestly sounds like he had no idea what to get you. The fact its only been 9 months you shouldn't expect anything over $30 and a regular dinner at like Chilis or something. Sorry but both parties are the ah.
My boyfriend for more than twenty years still doesn’t know what to buy me for my birthday and it always feels like a chore for him. This year he never got me anything. So, she’s lucky whether it’s cheap knock-off or what not at least he made the effort. May not be what she wanted, like Van Cleef & Arpels or Cartier at least it’s something. Sure, it may not be about the money, personalised? So, he could have made her a mixed tape of all their favourite songs or perhaps cooked her favourite meal… or painted her a picture… so the point is whether it’s a cheap gift or whatever… at least it is far more better than forgetting her birthday or that he didn’t get her anything at all…
She shouldn’t feel lucky she paid for her own birthday meal and got a cheap gift.
Load More Replies... I really don't understand why it's an issue. You haven't known each other long maybe he just didn't know what to get, or that it was important to you. Plus so what if you had to split Costs for the meal, sure it would have been a nice gesture to buy it but maybe he just prefers to split everytime. There's just a lot of circumstances. If it was important to you you should have brought it up before hand or now so he knows for next time. Don't let this be a break up or misunderstanding when it doesn't have to be. People are so quick to the trigger these days...
Not his fault you happen to be 30. I think you got all the answers, and few are about his value/s to you, but what your value is to him. And you ain't all that. I'm guessing that you're punching girl!? And he knows he doesn't have to try too hard. You're 30 after all and still playing the field! That 30 turns into 40 faster than an episode of Married at First Sight! He probably thought him giving you some big D for your special day was enough? 😉😎
I see this as selfish, just by the beginning. Some of us do not even get a birthday celebration. She should be glad he did something for her and that she has him in her life. A gift is just that, a gift, but a lover that cares, even if he is bad at showing it, at times, is much better.
Sorry, it's not about the money. He has money. But regardless of a gift or such, after having boyfriends that are not vocal about caring, I would want him to show he cares and say it.
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Pretty f*****g happy wife and I had a conversation early on. Birthdays, valentines, Xmas, none of that s**t matters. If you can afford a gift during the year, get the gift then. The date is unimportant. Why spend st00pid amounts of money for 'special' days if you can't really afford it? And if you CAN afford it, why are you waiting for a predetermined hour to give? The shallowness of the human mind is baffling. "I'm special today, so you must make me feel that way!" P**s off...you're no more special today than yesterday, you're just older and have 'depreciated' more.
Are you friends with the boyfriend by any chance? Or when thoughtfulness was being handed out you were busy getting seconds on being judgmental. No posts by women said they expect expensive gifts. And who said anything about romance.
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Ok then put yourself in her shoes. He takes her out to special birthday dinner! She pays for what she ate. That's not a nice surprise or anything like that. And now you're stuck with a cheap, ugly necklace that's already broken while you pay for the dinner that was "his treat"
Load More Replies... No, it's not about money, but the gift should be personalized. People who claim that you should be grateful for any present because it's "a sign of attention" forget that attention is only worth something when it's sincere, when a person actually thought of you and wanted to get something nice for you. Buying a random-a*s generic gift just to check the box isn't the attention people want to get on their birthday.
I've said this before, when my partner asked, but it bears saying again: standing in front of someone and offering them a sincere acknowledgement of affection/a special occasion is worth more than any gift. In this case, I suspect you're right, and the boyfriend was just checking boxes.
Load More Replies... On my 50th birthday, my husband said we'd go out to eat but it was my turn to pay because we were switching at the time (all our finances are separate which is fine with me). Someone must have said something to him because he ended up paying. What gets to me is that I go out of my way to select the perfect gifts for people, but my birthday is rarely acknowledged. The only gifts I ever get are money or "you buy it and I'll pay you back". Oddly, I didn't realize this upset me until this moment. It would mean so much to me for someone to show that they care enough to know what things I would like. I don't care how much it costs. The monetary value is unimportant and not the point.
Same here. I usually do something super special for friends and family. Stay up late ro bake a cake, make secret parties with friends, etc. My birthday is just... "organize it yourself" :/
Load More Replies... Something that I encounter is that the people in a new couple might have very different preferences/expectations for how birthdays (or other occasions) are observed. If you have hopes for a day that's special to you, it's good to communicate that so they know what you want. Some people worry it won't be as special if they have to ask for it, but the downside is you're leaving it up to someone to guess correctly and they might not
Exactly this. I stopped caring about my birthdays long before I turned 30. Maybe this guy just assumed it was the case with her as well.
Load More Replies... I need to comment😬. Observers are telling you to AT LEAST be thankful he DID SOMETHING??? He gave you a slap in the face for a special occasion. And made you pay for dinner! What an a**, plain & simple. This is worse than nothing. You can do so much better. Yes, it's about the thought... And he didn't and he doesn't.
IF her entire issue was the crappy necklace, I MIGHT say "At least he got you something", but wanting her to cover her share of dinner is not a good look (unless she is the one who decided they were going out to eat, then I think he'd be technically in the right, although decent people would pick up the check anyway). The ridiculously cheap necklace is also an issue if he is able to afford more. Not expensive, but maybe $40/$50 silver necklace that won't tarnish, break easily, or turn her neck green.
Load More Replies... I just came back from a first date with a guy. He bring me beautiful bouquet of roses. It must have been really pricey. Of course It´s not all about money but showing some effort is priceless.
Exactly. One of my boyfriends lived in the country and on a date, he bought a lovely vase and filled it with flowers from the fields. Best bouquet ever.
Load More Replies... It's not about the actual gift itself, but the effort and thought put into it. In saying that though, some people (stereotypically men) are clueless when it comes to gift giving. You can go 2 ways, 1. Just forget about the whole thing or 2. Bring it up and discuss it with your partner.
I don't know, my ex was rubbish at giving gifts and presents because he just could not see the meaning to it because to him (he'd had a messy upbringing) it was the every day stuff that meant more. To his credit, us breaking up was neither of our faults and I'd much rather have a loving, attentive man, than someone who throws money around but doesn't care. But then again I've had some awful men so maybe I have low standards lol
Load More Replies... As someone who is stingy and a tad miserly herself, nah, I would never treat someone else like that on their day. I would try to save up a little here and there, and make it worth it, or make a homemade item for them. There's being cheap for yourself, but being cheap with others is just kinda gross.
I'm wondering if maybe he felt some pressure, possibly entirely of his own making, about it being a milestone birthday when they're not long in the relationship. Maybe he was concerned that if he bought a really nice gift it might be interpreted as a sign of commitment that he did not feel. Personally, I would've avoided jewelry all together rather than get cheap jewelry. I'd probably go with something like tickets to a fun event. Thoughtful and fun, but doesn't really say anything about where the relationship stands. Still, not paying for dinner on someone's birthday is pretty bad. Even if you normally split checks, birthdays are different. That's not confined to romantic relationships. My friends don't pay on their birthdays. I wonder if that was another way of saying he wasn't super serious about the relationship. I do strongly suspect that, while he may be fond of her, he's just not that into her. He's not thinking about her long term and doesn't want to give the wrong impression.
Nine months is long enough to know if you're going to be hanging around. This dude is just a cheap jerk who probably just wants a regular booty call.
Load More Replies... It's not about the money. My ex used to buy random stuff on Amazon which I had no use for. With an upbringing on the poorer side it hurt to see the money that has been wasted, as he wouldn't send any of that stuff back. But on my last birthday he finally toned it down. He gifted me a self made voucher for going to the cinema and watch a movie I have been talking about. He brought home part one and two to watch before approaching part three in the cinema. And we went out for a nice dinner before that. I ended up paying for the tickets myself because I used an app for that. But I didn't and still don't care, because he put thoughts and effort in that present, which was all that matters. At that point we were already separated for estimated four years 😂
Y'all stop assuming s&it and take this at face value: impersonal goofy greeting card, cheap necklace that broke the first day she wore it, THEN HE EXPECTS HER TO GO HALF ON HER BIRTHDAY DINNER?! Every woman/queen who is looking for her king ends up sometimes with the court jester. This guy is the CJ straight out of the gate. Dump his sorry a$$ because he has shown what he really thinks of you. FTR, no man I ever dated did anything as cheap and thoughtless as this. If you don't regard yourself as high-value, no man will either.
Oh my! I’m not materialistic in any way, but that guy is not a keeper. There’s no redeeming that situation. Too many awful layers. Nine months is long enough to know where the wind is blowing and he showed his regard for her. Move along…
His parents didn't raise him right. Never mind the gift- asking you to pay half at the restaurant on your birthday is unacceptable. Sit him down for a talk about how his miserly actions made you feel and how the rest of the world generally handles special days. If he is resistant to changing, leave him.
It’s his parents’ fault this guy is clueless and cheap? No. It’s called listening and paying attention. If a man is seeing a 30 year old woman, he should have enough sense to simply ask “What do you want for your birthday?” And if it’s a gift, the birthday girl doesn’t pay for it. Many parents do raise their children right along with being good role models and their adult children chose to behave badly.
Load More Replies... It's not about money, you can do a lot of things at no cost if you're thoughtful and actually care about the person. Good thing she can dump him. I'm guessing its not the first time he's let her down
It didn't sound as if she's a gold-digger. She sounds hurt by his lack of effort. She should tell him how she feels. If his response is not what she needs to hear, she should leave. It won't get better and she obviously needs what he can't offer.
It's not just the cheap jewelry. It's not a question of him spending money or not spending money. It's his lack of respect for her or the relationship. Maybe she needs to ask herself does she want to spend her 35th, 40th, 50th 60th or heaven forbid, her 70th birthday with a chintzy uncaring, inconsiderate schmuck like that? For what? So she won't be alone? A woman could waste decades of her life with men like that expecting them to change to a generous, caring and romantic person. Truth: He will continue to treat you any way he wants because you consented to it. Better to be alone than put up with that. Dump him? Absolutely! He's not your "last chance." There's other and better fish in the sea. Get out there and find the one who treat you with the respect you deserve.
The truth? Dump him. If a man won't buy you a meal, especially on your birthday, then what else is he not going to do? You needed to excuse yourself to the ladies room, and not come back. He put absolutely no effort into your birthday, or into making you feel special, and those trying to gloss over what he did, I feel sorry for. This is why I say to rotational date, and not settle for just one person, until there's one in the rotation that really sticks out. Even at 9 months though he could have done way better. If he can treat himself, then he can treat you, and if he's testing you, then dump you, because if you have to test someone, then why be with them? I was with a guy like this, and it doesn't get any better. I made excuses for him, and everything, but nothing changed. I told him that even a wild flower beside the rode, and a hand written note is better than being treated as an after thought. Get out while you can,and don't look back.
If she’s unwilling to communicate her feelings, then it’s on her. “I don’t want to upset him.” 🤦🏽♀️ UGH! I wish that people would talk more about their feelings. Tell people what you want, or you won’t get it.
I disagree. This is not on her. He would have to be either a complete moron or else living under a rock to think that it's okay to make her pay for her own birthday dinner. I can excuse the crappy gift but not the dinner, generic card and complete lack of effort. He had no interest in making her happy. I just don't think he's invested at all in the relationship.
Load More Replies... I hope that these people who create these kind of online posts, puts as much effort to express themselves to theirs partners (or whoever they have disagreement with). Not just online people... To be truly heard... Because at the end of the day.. who cares what anyone else thinks online.. it's the actual person she will have to face.
True.. but maybe she's not sure if her feelings are justified, or if she's being unreasonable. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to see the whole picture.
Load More Replies... AT LEAST he got you something? AT LEAST he acknowledged your birthday? No, no, no. You should not be expected to be happy with a few crumbs he tosses your way. It's not about the money -- it's about the effort. There was no effort put into the gift. He could buy a necklace online in 5 minutes. The biggest red flag is the dinner -- expecting you to pay half for your birthday dinner? Are you kidding? Not okay. A generic card? Not okay. If this is what is happening during the honeymoon phase of your relationship it will only get much worse as time goes on, and you will increasingly feel disappointed, unloved and unworthy. I speak from experience after years with someone like that. This guy is not putting in the effort because he does not care to make you happy. Cut your losses now and please don't try to justify his behavior. It sounds harsh, but I don't think he is invested in your relationship and he's just going through the motions of doing "bare minimum." You deserve better.
Other people are correct in saying that "it's not about the money." However, unless you're really struggling financially there is no excuse for getting someone the equivalent of a gumball machine present for their birthday, if your dating. He could have gotten her a gift certificate for an activity that both of them enjoyed. The cost is irrelevant. The biggest problem I see is the going "Dutch" for dinner. That was ridiculous, and extremely almost disrespectful. I would be MORE than ok with going Dutch for every meal we eat out together, but NOT for my birthday. I'm sorry that was just beyond ridiculous. If he couldn't afford Red Lobster the Chinese buffet would have been perfect. I would take him out and pay for both of us on HIS birthday so I would consider anything less on mine relationship ending because of the implications of his doing that
There are a lot of bits about this that I'd like to know more about. Have they always split bills& he made a stupid assumption? Has he bought her flashy presents before? Was this a complete change from how he usually treats her? (She says he's affectionate but this seems to be mostly abt $) Maybe he thought the card was funny. Maybe he thought he found a good deal on a necklace he thought she might like? (We've all been burned by Amazon in the past lol) Has he had a birthday in those 9 months and how did she treat him? Has he had friends or family members that had birthdays over the course of those 9 months and how did he treat them? Maybe he doesn't care much for fuss about birthdays. My friends, family and I are "silly card & crappy gift on purpose" ppl. Unless it's something that person actually needs or asks for directly, giving an expensive gift just for the sake of giving an expensive gift can come across as a desperate plea for praise or assumption their affection can be bought
To explain why I said it feels more like a money thing bc so many people are mentioning that gifts are great if they come from an intention of good (and I agree). What hit me was that she doesn't mention if he told her why he got that particular necklace, she just said it was cheap. There is so little context given and that's why her post comes off as whiny and entitled. Her feelings could be totally justified, I just can't say if they are or are not because there is nothing to base an opinion on.
Load More Replies... How about someone ruining a birthday gift I gave them that cost me a lot of money because they didn't believe it actually did??? My old boyfriend showed me a gold(not real) watch he wanted badly. It was $250. I saved up to get it for him but the day I went to get it they were out of stock. The guy was really nice and let me buy a similar watch that cost $325 for the price of the first watch. I was so excited to give it to my BF! So it comes to the time that he opens it....the first thing he says is that it's not the watch he wanted. I explained to him what happened and how he got a more expensive watch now! He says....this watch is fake...they lied to you at the store. It's cheap. I didn't know what to say. I took the watch and brought it back and kept the money for myself.
It seems to me that the people who are saying "it's not about money" are missing the point and perhaps are the type of people who sacrifice their own happiness in order to just have a relationship. No, it's not about money, it's about putting the effort in to make your SO feel special. If, as one commenter said, they are pulling away or testing, that's not conducive to a good relationship. His personal issues are not her problem. He didn't have to spend a lot of money to give her a gift that was thoughtful and meaningful, and he absolutely should not have asked her to pay half for that particular dinner. If I were her I'd end the relationship. This just seems like huge red flags.
Get out now. He's not that into you. I spent nearly 7 years with a man just like him and I left a very broken woman. I have not dated in over 20 years because of being so devalued.
Same here. As time goes on you start to feel like he doesn't treat you better because you're not pretty enough, smart enough, interesting enough etc. Today I know I was always more than enough and he is the loser. Eleven years later I am still not interested in another relationship because I will not risk being a fool again. The OP is only 30 years old. She should not let this guy steal her best years.
Load More Replies... The gift is one thing, but suggesting they pay separately for dinner is what pushes him into cheap territory. He could have forgone the cheap trinket and taken her out to a restaurant and paid. He could have gotten her a more thoughtful gift and had a nice night in. Unfortunately we don't know what he was thinking. He could have thought he was giving her the world for all we know. But she says she doesn't feel like she gets enough attention and needs to explain that feeling to him. Myself personally, I don't like gifts, My BF has given me one birthday present in 10 years, it's the only one I allowed. I'll occasionally give him a birthday present but usually we just make ourselves available for what ever the other person wants to do on their birthday. I make sure I have off work that day and keep a clear schedule. There was one year his wish was just 'him time' and we didn't talk all day i kept myself busy but nothing i couldn't stop if he changed his mind.
No woman has to put up with this type of jerk (the reverse is also true). This is an issue of self~respect. He certainly isn't respecting this woman and I don't mean he has to drop a fortune, but this 'gift' was just nasty cheap. He has the funds, he isn't a 13 yr old. Splitting the cost of a meal is fine, if it ISN'T a birthday! Was his birthday celebrated? How much of an effort was made by her? Let him know, calmly, that you respect yourself and you'll not be dating someone who doesn't. Dodge that bullet.
The crappy present could be, somehow, with effort, sort of explained, some people are really clueless at giving gifts, but making her paid half for her birthday dinner, WTF, seriously? he's cheating on you dear, if you don't see it it's because you are being willingly blind, what happens from now on is entirely on you
Those comments against her are something else. They act like it was about the money and she should just be happy he is there... But the thing is, he is not there as being there means caring and knowing the person.9 months is a long time and at that point askingbher to paybjalf the meal is just disgusting on her birthday. He treated her like trash, that's not being there that is being a pos and she needs to leave him. Seriously what abusive upbringing do these people have that they see nothing wrong with what he did...it has nothing to do with money.
Some people don't think birthdays are that important. This was something that happened between my mom and dad. My dad would go to the ends of the world for my mom, but forgot about her birthday. My mom used to get sad about it, until she decided to talk to him and convey how important it is to her. Her last birthday, she was happily showing off the necklace my dad got for her to everyone. I think op should just talk to her boyfriend. And if he really loves her, he'll understand and figure something out.
Completely agree. I don't really care about Birthdays or Holiday celebrations, it's just how my family is, we're happy to try see each other when we can, sometimes it's made easier by giving a birthday as the reason but gifts aren't really pushed. I prefer putting in random thoughtful efforts without structure, there's no stress and the love and care seems to hit harder. If someone had an issue I'd hope we could exchange in conversation about our thoughts instead of hiding it or complaining online
Load More Replies... When someone says that "they're not struggling for money because they're always buying themselves xyz" I always think that maybe they actually are struggling because they're always buying xyz. People who have money usually have it because they're responsible spenders and are not always out buying xyz. Unless she has seen his bank statements, she really doesn't know if he's as financially sound as he says he is.
This one hits hard for me. I shower my partner with gifts, while he doesn't typically give gifts to anyone, even during gift giving occasions where he knows he'll receive a gift. He's anti-materialistic and as a child his parents had toxic, forced gift giving patterns. He gives me Christmas and birthday gifts, and that's it. Last year, his finances were tight because despite making way more than me, he'd had a big expense and was replenishing his savings. I told him he didn't need to give me a gift, or it could be something cheap, like $5 or less. He gave me nothing. Which is fine, I told him he could, but I wonder too if it was a test. Meanwhile I'm spending a huge percentage of my money on things I want to give him. It's not about the money or keeping score, but when I'm constantly thinking about what gifts would make him happy and he won't even pick me a flower or buy me a $2 trinket that made him think of me, it begins to feel lonely. I will note that he is not stingy and will cover us both when eating out and doing activities as there's a huge income difference between the two of us. But the gesture of giving me physical gifts, even cheap ones, is one I long for, and I don't feel like I can ask for it when I know his family has forced him into the obligation of giving gifts in the past.
Not defending boyfriend, but that one comment does have me wondering if he's checking to see if she's a gold digger. Still, if that's the case, there are better ways of finding out than this. Gold diggers are usually fairly obvious and 9 months in, he should already have a clue to if she is or isn't. So on the other hand, the lack of effort could mean something else. My dad didn't make much, but he always did something for Mom on her birthdays and etc. So I'm also thinking he's not really that into her.
The boyfriend may have led you to believe he is not in financial distress, but may really be on a very tight budget. Have you actually seen his current bank statements? If that is not the case, something strange is going on. Who takes someone to lunch for their birthday and expects them to pay for their own meal? That was the moment when you should have said no to his going Dutch foolishness. I know high school and college students in my working class family who spent more on a girlfriend’s birthday present.
I’d rather get nothing than a cheesy crappy necklace. He could at least buy one made of silver or gold. My ex husbands gave me a bunch of costume jewelry for V day once when he knew I HATE costume jewelry. He didn’t even buy it, someone gave it to him. So I gave it back. I don’t wear much jewelry at all. If you are going to give your gal a gift, make sure it is quality. It needn’t be Tiffany or Cartier, but decent quality. I’d just as soon get a gift card so I can buy what I want. Or even better, I’d rather get nothing. St Valentine’s Day is a catholic holy day and just doesn’t hold the same importance to me as it does for lovers.
I (21 F) actually had a fight with my ex (20 M) similar to this. His birthday was only a couple months into our relationship and he lived further away so during winter break I'd drive over 4 hours to visit him a few times a week while gas prices were soaring. He never offered to pitch in for gas or a place to stay but I didn't really mind since I liked him. Found out he never really celebrated his birthday so I made him a dreamcatcher to give him part of my culture and help him with his constant nightmares. I also made his favorite cake, rented out an airbnb, treated him to meals during his birthday, and got him a few other gifts that reminded me of him (stuffed animal, Keychain, shirt, etc). Fast forward to half a year later when it was my birthday and the first thing he says to me was "Is it your birthday today?" I don't think he actually ever wished me a happy birthday even to this day. Took him a month to get me a gift abd we eventually broke up due to lack of effort on his part...
P.S. he wouldn't hesitate to drop hundreds on himself and his cats yet the birthday present he eventually gave me was a stuffed animal that HE wanted himself. Only as I was breaking up with him did he offer to buy me a stuffed animal I mentioned was cute in passing. I even told him that the gift didn't have to be a physical gift but a letter or something that showed I wasn't the only one putting effort into the relationship. If they really want you, they'll put in the time and effort to prove it.
Load More Replies... Speaking as a dude, just break up. Obviously he doesn't met your expectations, and if i were him I don't want to be bothered with fights in the future about me forgetting 35th birthday, 40th birthday, lack of efforts on kid's birthday's, etc. You don't like him, he don't like you, break up.
Are you related to the boyfriend by any chance. Seems you plan to forget important dates of loved ones.
Load More Replies... Perhaps birthdays weren't celebrated when he was growing up and to him they are just another day. My husband and his family are like this. I gave him a birthday card once and he looked at me like I was crazy. Lol. Now I just say Happy Birthday hun and on my day he does the same. My mom used to bake me a birthday cake every birthday until she passed five years ago. I sure miss those cakes. And her.
Testing to see if a potential partner is a 'gold digger' who is only interested in material things is par for the course these days, unfortunately. Too many get burned in relationships these days. Gifts shouldn't HAVE to be expensive, but should be well thought out and not 'so cheap they fall apart' that's a tad irresponsible and obviously didn't involve much thought. REMEMBERING a date is important. Not spending for the whole meal is a bit more dodgy however. Saying You love someone and not spending any effort to prove it with well thought out moments/gifts...is typically the sign of a probable Narcissist.
Some people just aren't great at gifts. Maybe birthdays aren't a big deal to him. There is so much we don't know. I feel like this post speaks volumes about the poster. If she chooses to stay with him, maybe shower him with gifts on his birthday, and the penny should drop.
I feel like this is a bit of selfishness on her part as we don't have a full picture here. Yes it was a milestone birthday for her, but they've been together less than a year. Did she even let him know she wanted romance and whatnot? Maybe he just sucks at gift giving. Even if he has thousands in savings, that's his money not hers and it might have a purpose. I do think he could have sprung for dinner though, if not that night, maybe another when he had more funds available. All that being said she needs to act like a grown-up and discuss her problem with her boyfriend.
Your boyfriend of less than a year got you a birthday gift and a card. You are complaining about a gift he got you. Think about that. You got a gift, you are complaining about. You say he is very caring and loving on the daily. (??) So if he is expressing his love for you by showing you daily, why would you be upset about the price or quality of a gift? Would you rather he not show you love or care for the time you've been together but give you lavish gifts one day a year? It sounds petty to me. If being showered with gifts are most important to you, you may need to drop him.
Remember the good old days when men tried harder because women made them earn the right to get them in bed? Not saying anything about the OP, just saying dating has changed, but expectations haven't changed with it. Don't blame your boyfriend, blame modern feminism.
Maybe he's checking to see if you're a gold digger. Would you rather he put a monetary value on your relationship and bought you something you could sell in emergencies? I buy gifts in accordance with their other values. Like aesthetics and symbolism. And the fact that you have globalized your issue with him is more than sufficient as revenge.
Obviously, because of the perspective of the post, it's going to have bias in the writing that's going to make the scenario sound worse than it was. Honestly, the problem seems to be the woman more, because especially by 30, birthdays are not THAT important, even at 9 months into a relationship. Despite the obviously not-so-great birthday, she seems to have some self centered expectations about her partners. Although, this one instance isn't enough to know either person, so there's no reason anyone should be saying they need to break up. However, making her pay her half of the meal does not look good.
"Atleast he's remembered" ..... the bar is so low for men that remembering a fucken date is like.... praise worthy! Mind you, this date can easily be saved into the thing that's in your pocket or hand 97% of the time... & get this you can even set a reminder alarm! So it takes no effort to remember anything anymore & yet dude is being praised for no forgetting.
I'm 37 years old male and have only received "happy birthdays" and nothing else. I don't even think I've had a birthday party as a child. Get over yourself, it's really not that serious. I don't get people s**t for their birthday because nobody ever made a big deal about mine - maybe he hasn't learned or associated birthdays as a serious thing as y'all have.
It's pretty early in the relationship IMO did his birthday pass? What did you do for him? Always two sides to a story. I mean I've done late fall carriage ride with thermos filled with hot chocolate around a lake lake wrought with maple trees rose pedals leading up to the bed. By the time my birthday rolled around got the axe soooo. Be thankful you got anything. Some people are honestly so ungrateful
I don't do birthdays and I don't do dinners out because they're always an utter disappointment.
Wow so he didn't put any type of thought into your birthday gift and he took you out to dinner and asked you to pay for your own meal but he can spend a lot on his self. Woman ditch this loser. You could've stayed at home and ordered or cooked your own meal why waste your time on a selfish loser. Now some people might say well at least he acknowledged your special day but did he really by giving you a cheap gift and making you pay for your own food wth? Run and leave this loser in the wind. Just keep being yourself and also if you do decide to stay with this loser do the same thing to him, just give him a cheap gift, some random card and make him pay for his own meal after all do unto others as you'd have them do unto you.
I believe most are overthinking their relationship. It's not about money, sincerity or possibly love. She's the flavour of the moment for him. That's all. Dump.him.
I don't even remember what birthday it was but will never forget that the birthday cake he surprised me with had a photo of me on it from when I was little. Turns out he contacted my parents to get a photo of me when I was little and he took it to the bakery so they could duplicate it. Best present ever! It was not something that was expensive but it was because he took the time to plan something
My husband and I, when we were first dating, we're coming up on my birthday around 10 months in. He had gotten bits and bobs from a cheap second hand crafts store, and made the most beautiful pendent out of what most would consider garbage. I'm gonna say he spent 2$ on it? But money isn't what I saw, I saw hours of work, a personalized gift and plenty of thought and love. That being said, I'd be pissed if he gave me a joke card and a cheap Amazon necklace. I don't care that it's low value, I care that he put zero effort into it. I'd rather have a handmade gift any day.
I'm less worried about the gift and more worried about wanting to split the bill when going out for dinner on her birthday. A gift doesn't have to be expensive. But if you take your gf out for dinner on her birthday you don't let her pay her own meal. And if you can't afford to pay for two in a fancy five star restaurant, you take her to a restaurant you actually can afford. With the gift you can say "it's the thought that counts" but then again what was his thought? Did he just get something because he knew he couldn't show up empty handed? Or did he really hope she'd like the necklace because of its style, shape, etc and he wanted to get her something that would look so nice on her, even if not expensive? There can be so many thoughts behind buying a cheap necklace for gf's birthday. So yes, I agree that it's the thought that matters most, and she should definitely try to find out what exactly his thought was! Because it's the thought that can make this still sweet, or a total sign of taking her for granted after only 9 months. The fact that she had to pay her own meal doesn't exactly work in his favor either, he should apologize for that.
Not so worried about the gift. Some people are just not good gift givers. But wanting to go dutch on the birthday meal? Big Red Flag!
I didnt get s**t from my gf on my 30th birthday. In fact, I've never gotten any birthday gift from any gf that was worth anything or even reflected that she knew anything about me.
This is my take "no one is born great" we are all born buck naked, even with Jesus , he was born in a barn no less.. So I'd rather get a gift when I need something at the time I need it, because I am important to you. Not because of some date on a calendar. I'm nutty like that. 4 days ago the family was in a restaurant, and while waiting,looked down to find my left shoe had come apart. While sitting in the booth, my daughter goes on her phone orders me a new pair on line, they are being delivered in two days. BTW my birthday is at the end of this month, I like that I didn't have to wait. Maybe people could be more like that, get a random gift 'because' rather than it's for your (enter an occasion here), saves money and in some cases hard feelings.
Naw the fact that she wasn't even worth a meal even if she doesn't celebrate. I don't but my husband would surely pay for my food that.
My birthday is just another day. I couldn't care less what I get or if I get anything. Just had my 40th and we ordered pizza and stayed in. Very uneventful and the way I like it. No reason for people to spend their money on gifts for me especially right now with the economy the way it is.
He is very caring and affectionate. He tells me he loves me everyday, but I still don't feel special? Entitled much?
Oh please. How is she entitled? He's so caring that he puts in minimal effort and makes her pay for her own birthday dinner? He's not interested in making her happy. Affectionate? Yeah, probably because that gets him laid.
Load More Replies... At least he got her something. My ex didn't buy me a birthday present for years. I don't count the bottles of alcohol he bought "for me" that he ended up drinking himself.
I think it's amazing how many people are attacking her for having standards, it's disgusting. You should always be open with your partner about your expectations because maybe they came from a family that didn't buy expensive gifts or didn't think of birthdays as important and she obviously did so doesn't necessarily make him cheap but she may not be communicating effectively. Also it's totally possible he could be cheap. It's really easy for people to say dumb c**p like "I WouLd bE HapPy wiTh a McDonALd's voUcHer anD a SmAck on thE BuTt, (like it makes you a better person or some garbage?) which is ridiculous to think that everyone should meet your standard. Moral of the story, communicate with your partner. People don't tend to like logic on these threads but I will keep pushing it over ridiculous poorly thought out need your reactions and closed minded judgments.
I do not get The urge to runto the internet anf complain about a stupid "Shitty birthday" gift. This is Just seeking for attention and pats on the back. She should talk this out with her BF in private and tell him her feelings about it, and not whine over it on reddit for those sweet sweet Internet points.
I feel that more context is needed. Questions that come up before making judgment, such as, has SHE been affectionate? Has she been caring and loving? As in my experience, some men lose heart when denied those things and loads of men going magtow due to entitlement. He may be an idiot who doesn't know how to appreciate, or she may be one of those "I AM the prize." Types, so again, more context.
Everyone sounds so entitled. If this person loves you and treats you well and shows you they care every day, why the fuss over material objects? It's not like there was no gift and op said they've only been dating for several months, not even a year. The gift apparently just wasn't good enough. People are so brainwashed if they really get hurt over not enough money being spent in recognition of some event, when the love and affection are there. Corporations are so proud of you right now
I have a "lovely" story about a long haul trucker I once dated. We had been "dating" for a few months, but had only seen each other twice, as his job had him on the road for a month or more at a time. We made plans that he was going to take the week of my birthday off(which was also my college spring break) and we were going to spend some actual time together. We hang out the night he gets home, and then he calls me the next day and says he's got a cold. Okay, fine. The several following days, though, he takes his grandma to the casino and goes shopping. But he's still not feeling well enough to see me. Right. I say at least come to my birthday dinner, just a few mutual friends. He goes out with a friend coming to the dinner, spends perhaps a few hundred on new shoes and an outfit for himself, and my birthday present, which was $25 gift card to itunes. (This story is 10plus years old) He might have paid for my dinner, but I honestly don't remember. I think I broke up with him the next
I agree it's not about the money. He could be saving up for a future or maybe gifts aren't his love language or specialty.
True, but he spends loads on himself, and makes her go Dutch for dinner on her birthday. That's the part that gets me.
Load More Replies... Though this isn't an excuse, gift giving can be hard. It causes me anxiety, I don't want to get something useless or lame, I want it to be something they really like or need. But sometimes it's just so hard, yeah I can offer my time but that only works with some people. Some people are very materialistic. It's why I always try to push towards no gifts, unless you're young. My niece and nephew are still discovering life and aren't old enough to get a job so imo gifts are necessary so they can discover themselves. I really just want Google gift cards most of the time because I like digital books, to me that's a great gift, and to others it's a horrible gift. Even if someone doesn't put a lot of thought into it, at least they know enough to get me a "correct" gift.
Have you stopped to consider first, that this is your first birthday with him. First birthdays are patchy at the best of times, first you have to get the date right, figure out where to eat, what time are you doing it, maybe you worked that day and it was so hard you barely remembered, etc. Secondly, men, at least all the men I know besides myself, rarely talk about financial problems we are suffering due to the way society expects men to always be strong, emotionless (until it's expected), immovable forces, we must never show weakness unless we are alone and even then we are told we should feel ashamed for even that. Thirdly, maybe the gift and your overall perception of his feelings are based off of the environment he grew up in. (Disregard if your are already pretty chummy with his folks to know.) And last but not least, you fully admit you have not discussed this with him. When you decide to approach him, remember to approach in a non-confrontational manner.
When I turned 30 my son was a new born. My husband didn't get me anything at all. I told him later that I was upset and asked him to do something for my next birthday. He didn't do anything for the next two birthdays. The situation is kind of similar, though. He is sweet in other occasions, so I really don't understand why he simply doesn't put any type of effort into my birthdays.
Good way to chase the money hungry sorts away. Whatever the expectation is should have been voiced and brought up at the beginning of the relationship and not wait till you get disappointed.
Oh please. She doesn't sound money hungry. Sounds like she just would have appreciated a little effort on his part. A heartfelt card or note, paying for her birthday dinner, and choosing a moderately priced thoughtful gift are not too much to ask for, and any grown up should be able to figure tgat out without being told. He's not 10 years old. If he truly cared he would have put a little effort into it. He was not interested in making her happy.
Load More Replies... I can't believe no one said this in that entire thread. There's a decent chance he's not actually well off right now. Maybe he lost his job and hasn't had the courage to tell her yet. Maybe he's depressed. Maybe he's getting evicted. She shouldn't "dump him". full stop. She should sit down and ask if everything is okay and if there's anything he'd like to talk about. Give him the opportunity to come clean if there's anything he hasn't shared yet. Asking to go dutch on a birthday dinner does not sound like a cheapskate. It sounds like a red flag that he might not be able to afford rent this month.
I'm not buying it. If that was the case he still could have made her birthday special with a thoughtful card, inexpensive grocery store flowers, and a nice meal at home. Not about the money. He just made no effort.
Load More Replies... I'll be honest here. My wedding ring cost $40. I am more than happy with that because he thought of me when he got it, and got what he knew I would wear regularly and like. When I got sick and couldnt wear that ring, he got me another ring that I could wear, and still cheap. It is not an issue because I appreciate the thought nd that he knew I would be uncomfortable with an expensive ring. He also shows me love all the time, with small gestures. And every once in a while I get a big gesture. I see this everyday caring as way more important than the big things. It means he thinks about me daily, and does big gestures when he is feeling extra lovey. It is not about the cost. Evaluate your relationship, and if the love outweighs the money, you have found a good one.
I think after only nine months, he may not be into or sure of the relationship as she assumed. Giving her an expensive gift might have sent an incorrect message as to how much longer he thinks this romance will last. He probably would have been safer with flowers. But to measure a person based on how much they spend this early in the relationship could lead down the wrong path. I think she would just seem mercenary if she brings it up to him.
At least he took the time to shop and order it, my worst birthday present was a magazine that I don't read, bought at corner store and telling me he paid a 1 year subscription that I'm sure he did after. I would have preferred the cheap necklace. That was it for us, working at same company for 1 year I left the magazines in the office entrance clearly visible and made sure to leave the sticker with my name on it.
As I see it - he was nice to pay half. On birthdays we pay unless it is a surprise party or that's the present. They have been together for 9 months. Only 9 months. I agree he could've chosen something more personal but the price doesn't really matter. My experience with my mother - for my 30th birthday she got me gold (fake) cross with fake stones on it. I never wear gold and I am not religious. Told her that it would've been better if she gave me a chocolate, at least there was going to be some happiness because of it.
Most of my birthdays have been s**t like my dad being serious and saying he's glad they decided to not abort me or my abusive ex inviting his ex and mom to celebrate my birthday but instead celebrated them after getting slapped by him in front of a bunch of people, or my childhood home burning down soon after a birthday because my parents decided to make the one food I don't eat on my birthday. Anyone should just be content your birthday was even remembered. Congratulations you got pushed out a vagina or cut out. Woohoo let's make sure to go crazy about that..get over it. Treat yourself on your birthday if you want but everyone who expects perfection is a narcissist. Good luck having a perfect birthday lol
Ok so 9 months is not very long in terms of REAL relationship. "Thousands of dollars in his savings" um that's also not a lot of money. You don't know if it's earned or inheritance. If its inheritance you cant even act like its ok for him to spend it on you. Earned money again you have no idea what hes saving for if its a down payment on a house, im sorry sister but thats untouchable too. Honestly in terms of the gift you are being selfish. Now for you birthday dinner he should have paid in full due to it not only being your birthday in general, but it's your 30th! I think yall need to communicate better and get to know each other more. It Honestly sounds like he had no idea what to get you. The fact its only been 9 months you shouldn't expect anything over $30 and a regular dinner at like Chilis or something. Sorry but both parties are the ah.
My boyfriend for more than twenty years still doesn’t know what to buy me for my birthday and it always feels like a chore for him. This year he never got me anything. So, she’s lucky whether it’s cheap knock-off or what not at least he made the effort. May not be what she wanted, like Van Cleef & Arpels or Cartier at least it’s something. Sure, it may not be about the money, personalised? So, he could have made her a mixed tape of all their favourite songs or perhaps cooked her favourite meal… or painted her a picture… so the point is whether it’s a cheap gift or whatever… at least it is far more better than forgetting her birthday or that he didn’t get her anything at all…
She shouldn’t feel lucky she paid for her own birthday meal and got a cheap gift.
Load More Replies... I really don't understand why it's an issue. You haven't known each other long maybe he just didn't know what to get, or that it was important to you. Plus so what if you had to split Costs for the meal, sure it would have been a nice gesture to buy it but maybe he just prefers to split everytime. There's just a lot of circumstances. If it was important to you you should have brought it up before hand or now so he knows for next time. Don't let this be a break up or misunderstanding when it doesn't have to be. People are so quick to the trigger these days...
Not his fault you happen to be 30. I think you got all the answers, and few are about his value/s to you, but what your value is to him. And you ain't all that. I'm guessing that you're punching girl!? And he knows he doesn't have to try too hard. You're 30 after all and still playing the field! That 30 turns into 40 faster than an episode of Married at First Sight! He probably thought him giving you some big D for your special day was enough? 😉😎
I see this as selfish, just by the beginning. Some of us do not even get a birthday celebration. She should be glad he did something for her and that she has him in her life. A gift is just that, a gift, but a lover that cares, even if he is bad at showing it, at times, is much better.
Sorry, it's not about the money. He has money. But regardless of a gift or such, after having boyfriends that are not vocal about caring, I would want him to show he cares and say it.
Load More Replies... Pretty f*****g happy wife and I had a conversation early on. Birthdays, valentines, Xmas, none of that s**t matters. If you can afford a gift during the year, get the gift then. The date is unimportant. Why spend st00pid amounts of money for 'special' days if you can't really afford it? And if you CAN afford it, why are you waiting for a predetermined hour to give? The shallowness of the human mind is baffling. "I'm special today, so you must make me feel that way!" P**s off...you're no more special today than yesterday, you're just older and have 'depreciated' more.
Are you friends with the boyfriend by any chance? Or when thoughtfulness was being handed out you were busy getting seconds on being judgmental. No posts by women said they expect expensive gifts. And who said anything about romance.
Load More Replies... Ok then put yourself in her shoes. He takes her out to special birthday dinner! She pays for what she ate. That's not a nice surprise or anything like that. And now you're stuck with a cheap, ugly necklace that's already broken while you pay for the dinner that was "his treat"
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