This all sounds completely crazy, I know. Not the fun, “Hey let’s have a water balloon fight in the library!” kind of crazy. The other kind. The kind that gets you locked away before you start scribbling on the walls.
On May 25th, 2018, I started seeing some really disturbing things when I closed my eyes. I’d been dealing with severe depression for almost a month, and I was bordering on suicidal. I take medication for bipolar disorder and major depressive disorder, but this was an all-time low. I felt completely lost. I wanted to vanish.
Before that day, I’d never spent much time drawing or pursuing art in the visual sense. I enjoyed doodling about as much as anyone. I love using dry erase markers. My desk has a glass top, so I’ve always used markers to make notes while I work. Sometimes I’d sketch a rough idea or doodle for fun, but I was never any good. I could barely draw a straight line.
Then came the dream.
It didn’t feel like a hallucination; it felt more like staring a light then closing your eyes… You know that feeling, when you see those little spots of light everywhere, no matter how hard you try to chase them away?
When I close my eyes now, I see… this. In my head, these are intricate alien worlds. Landscapes filled with thousands of intertwining faces, Byzantine labyrinths, unnatural creatures, and otherworldly architecture. I’m still trying to get it all out of my head, but I can’t physically draw fast enough.
I’ve been sitting for 10, 15, even 20 hours a day working on some of these illustrations. I literally drew until my fingers were bleeding this week. My back and legs are perpetually sore. My hand doesn’t un-cramp.
As a lifelong writer and musician, I’ve always been creative. Drawing, however, has never been my strong suit. Now, for whatever reason, I’m able to spit out these beautiful, bizarre pictures. And I have no way of explaining it.
I don’t feel like I’m the one doing it. I let my hand move quickly and try to relax. Sometimes I even close my eyes. Whatever happens on the page, happens. It’s always the shapes and textures I’m seeing in my head. I don’t know where these images came from, or if they’ll ever go away. Something inside is compelling me to draw. I’ve even started turning some of the scenes and images into stories.
My friends and family started asking, “How are you doing this?”
All I could say was, “I have no idea.”
Follow my journey online at www.rotzyk.com
or on Instagram (@normal roan).
Time for me to get back to work.
More info: seemsnormal.com
May 24th, 2018. (One day before the visions began.)
This was the extent of my artistic ability before the dream.
May 25th, 2018. 3:30 AM EST. (Day One)
I woke from the most vivid dream of my life and started drawing. This was the first piece. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just started scratching at the page.
May 25th, 2018. 9:00 AM EST. (Day One)
I started writing about my dream and turned it into a short story. This was the figure I saw in my dream.
May 30th. (Day 5)
I called this one “Terminus.” It felt like I was watching someone come apart.
June 5th. 10 days after the first dream.
“Tree of Life” — This is a very small (5″ x 7″ inches) portion of a much larger Bristol canvas piece.
I’m working on this a little every day. I estimate it will take roughly 100 hours to complete the entire work.
June 11th. Just over two weeks after the first dream.
Two weeks in, my style has completely transformed. I’m able to do things with a pen I would never have imagined I could do.
This may not be “amazing” to you, but just knowing that this came from my hand is pretty amazing to me.
I say that with zero arrogance.
I know that “technically speaking” it’s not great. But I’m learning something new about this gift every day.
If the visions don’t stop, I may lose my mind. But if I wasn’t able to do this anymore, I think that would be a worse fate.
Want to see more of my work?
Visit me online at www.rotzyk.com or follow @normalroan on instagram.
My Bizarre Creative “Awakening” — Roan Rotzyk
My name is Roan Rotzyk. I’m a writer and musician, but I’ve never been able to draw. At least, that was true a couple of weeks ago. Then, out of nowhere, I started having these dreams. They feel like “visions.” I see textures and patterns when I close my eyes. It’s pretty wild.
I started drawing the scenes from these visions, and it’s become something of an obsession.
In the last 18 days, I’ve spent more than 200 hours working on these bizarre sketches.
That’s more than 11 hours per day, on average.
To read more about this strange condition, visit me on the web at www.rotzyk.com.
Thanks for watching.
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