I Was Diagnosed With Schizophrenia At The Age Of 17, So I Started Drawing My Hallucinations To Cope With It
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I have always been an ‘artist’, I just didn’t realize what that meant until my mental illness appeared. I despise the term ‘mentally ill’; it implies that who I am as a person is fundamentally corrupted and broken.
Unfortunately, as soon as I tell people what I struggle with, I feel like that’s all they see me as. They see the stigma perpetuated by the media, and the inaccurate stereotypes portrayed in Hollywood. That is precisely why I am so open about what I live with.
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My name is Kate and I’m an 18-year-old artist with schizophrenia
I’ve been ‘diagnosed’ with multiple labels over the years. At the age of 17 I finally was diagnosed with schizophrenia after my parents realized my mental health was getting worse
I draw a lot of my hallucinations as drawing helps me deal with it
In my hallucinations I hear voices, sound effects, random noises, and I often see bugs, faces, and disembodied eyes
Inanimate objects will look like a Van Gogh painting: warped and swirly.
I hallucinate bugs quite often, and my depression makes me feel worthless like a fly. These bug illustrations represent my illness
This is a quote by an artist named Jory, and it was something that spoke to me.
This one crawls out of the vent in my ceiling and makes clicking noises, or I’ll see it crawl out from underneath things
This is a self-portrait. I looked in the mirror and my eyes did this thing. I painted it
I have a lot of intense emotions, and hear voices telling me to light things on fire
Here is an example of the disembodied eyes I see. They surface in a mounds or masses on my walls or floors. They warp and move.
This is Birdie, she sings to me
My self esteem is at its lowest, and I feel insignificant. I always wish I could shapeshift into a “prettier” person
What eyes sometimes look like, with more of those odd colors and circles
Organization, communication, paranoia, depression, anxiety, and managing my emotions are the biggest struggles for me
What I live with isn’t easy and it can be debilitating, but I’m not living out on the streets screaming about alien abductions. That’s not to say there aren’t people out there who are that severe – there are. However, there are also people like me who just stay at home most of the time cooped up in their room. It is a spectrum of symptoms with varying severity levels. Each person’s experience is unique.
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I can't imagine what the world would look like through your eyes so thank you for sharing your story and your wonderful drawings! You are incredibly talented! Have you seen the TED talk by Eleanor Longden? I would highly recommend it if you are ever feeling alone in this. I hadn't really seen a lot of people with schizophrenia talking about it and just like with your post, her talking about it helped me understand it all a little better :)
i watched the video. those were the most well spent 14 minutes of my life. i wish you well
did you start any medication treatment. how is the results? You look better than the half of the world and your work is amazing. I wish you very best
I once listened to a 4 minutes of what it's like to hear voices. It's absolutely terrifying. I can't imagine what it is like to hear them in your daily life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vvU-Ajwbok
Oh god; i got through about 6 seconds of that before i had to turn it off. Ill have to wait until i am feeling a bit safer before i listen to the whole thing. It would be absolutely fucking awful to have to live with this going on in your head. Thank you for posting it.
its like having a radio with tourette syndrom always turned on
i couldn't stand more than 15 seconds. that was awful. i often have nightmares, but hearing such things all the time? i think i would kill myself.
Impressively disturbing... I was going to stop at the first 20 seconds, then managed to listen until the end of the video... Living with it everday... I can't imagine that...
Good call! Always good to have company, may I add checking out Schizophrenia.com specifically the open chat. And Reddit Schizophrenia and schizoaffective. Well aware of the difference, but there a Lot of crossover. Had some good talks and met a lot of people mutually realatable on both. Very friendly, and anonymous. One other thing I learned from were "courses" by NAMI. People coping helping people coping. Disability will cover costs if you have it.
what video...? :) sounds interesting
Yes you can imagine it! That's why they invented the sickness and diseases, to prevent us from exploring different realities. And that's why all the world looks at people as they are sick, when all that is sick is someone's perception of one's reality. BTW, this girl is so beautiful on the outside which is only a reflection of her from the inside. See, that's what happens when you start exploring your own universe, inner and outer, you become BEAUTIFUL.
If you think mental illness is some hippy dippy new age gift from beyond, maybe you should try swapping places with one of these people, and see if you still think that. You are an anti-scientific shill, and are worse than a barbarian, in my opinion.
Well I have two Very different responses to your post depending on the answer to the question: are you yourself diagnosed? I'll assume for point that you indeed are and do have experiences and episodes. Yes, a thought that has crossed my mind many times when I'm acutely episodic. But one of the first things I myself learned (with great difficulty) after My break is how to wield Occam's Razor as a Daily tool. If your answer would be a no... I defer to Tom Morris' response, with great gusto.
I think you helped a lot of people right now to understand, to emphatize, in sharing your amazing art with everyone, visualizing what most people cannot imagine is your reality...thank you. You are so beautiful and so talented !
My uncle has schizophrenia, and as it was gaining on him, he described it to me once. Its like being in a base universe, with countless ones buzzing in and out, and you can't stop it. He has totally isolated himself, and everyone doesn't understand. But its because he doesn't want others to see him that way. I totally empathize with you dear. Bless you!
Good post and definitely one of the ways I see it. And ditto on the isolation. No one with a severe disorder wants to have even friends and loved ones perceive them as having become "other". Which is harsh because even after a break we are still us. Almost No One seems able to understand that.
I can't imagine what the world would look like through your eyes so thank you for sharing your story and your wonderful drawings! You are incredibly talented! Have you seen the TED talk by Eleanor Longden? I would highly recommend it if you are ever feeling alone in this. I hadn't really seen a lot of people with schizophrenia talking about it and just like with your post, her talking about it helped me understand it all a little better :)
i watched the video. those were the most well spent 14 minutes of my life. i wish you well
did you start any medication treatment. how is the results? You look better than the half of the world and your work is amazing. I wish you very best
I once listened to a 4 minutes of what it's like to hear voices. It's absolutely terrifying. I can't imagine what it is like to hear them in your daily life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vvU-Ajwbok
Oh god; i got through about 6 seconds of that before i had to turn it off. Ill have to wait until i am feeling a bit safer before i listen to the whole thing. It would be absolutely fucking awful to have to live with this going on in your head. Thank you for posting it.
its like having a radio with tourette syndrom always turned on
i couldn't stand more than 15 seconds. that was awful. i often have nightmares, but hearing such things all the time? i think i would kill myself.
Impressively disturbing... I was going to stop at the first 20 seconds, then managed to listen until the end of the video... Living with it everday... I can't imagine that...
Good call! Always good to have company, may I add checking out Schizophrenia.com specifically the open chat. And Reddit Schizophrenia and schizoaffective. Well aware of the difference, but there a Lot of crossover. Had some good talks and met a lot of people mutually realatable on both. Very friendly, and anonymous. One other thing I learned from were "courses" by NAMI. People coping helping people coping. Disability will cover costs if you have it.
what video...? :) sounds interesting
Yes you can imagine it! That's why they invented the sickness and diseases, to prevent us from exploring different realities. And that's why all the world looks at people as they are sick, when all that is sick is someone's perception of one's reality. BTW, this girl is so beautiful on the outside which is only a reflection of her from the inside. See, that's what happens when you start exploring your own universe, inner and outer, you become BEAUTIFUL.
If you think mental illness is some hippy dippy new age gift from beyond, maybe you should try swapping places with one of these people, and see if you still think that. You are an anti-scientific shill, and are worse than a barbarian, in my opinion.
Well I have two Very different responses to your post depending on the answer to the question: are you yourself diagnosed? I'll assume for point that you indeed are and do have experiences and episodes. Yes, a thought that has crossed my mind many times when I'm acutely episodic. But one of the first things I myself learned (with great difficulty) after My break is how to wield Occam's Razor as a Daily tool. If your answer would be a no... I defer to Tom Morris' response, with great gusto.
I think you helped a lot of people right now to understand, to emphatize, in sharing your amazing art with everyone, visualizing what most people cannot imagine is your reality...thank you. You are so beautiful and so talented !
My uncle has schizophrenia, and as it was gaining on him, he described it to me once. Its like being in a base universe, with countless ones buzzing in and out, and you can't stop it. He has totally isolated himself, and everyone doesn't understand. But its because he doesn't want others to see him that way. I totally empathize with you dear. Bless you!
Good post and definitely one of the ways I see it. And ditto on the isolation. No one with a severe disorder wants to have even friends and loved ones perceive them as having become "other". Which is harsh because even after a break we are still us. Almost No One seems able to understand that.