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Viral Article Shows How Poor Choice Of Words Can Hurt Women Way More Than It Looks On The Surface
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Viral Article Shows How Poor Choice Of Words Can Hurt Women Way More Than It Looks On The Surface

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If you don’t have anything to say, don’t force the conversation. Especially sensitive topics.

Nadirah Angail, a mental health professional who works with pregnant and new moms, has had with people who don’t realize how personal and private the decision and ability to give birth is.

“There are so many variables that go into when/if a woman gives birth. But most people don’t think of that when they ask these questions,” she told Bored Panda. To illustrate just how harmful they can be, Nadirah penned an incredibly honest and poweful text called Mind Your Own Womb. The emotional piece cleverly delves into the lives of three (fictional) women, showing that there’s always more beneath the surface.

More info: nadirahaangail.wordpress.com (h/t brightside)

Somewhere there is a woman: 30, no children

Image credits: Rabbit Hole/OddLot Entertainment (not the actual photo)

People ask her, “Still no kids?” Her response varies from day to day, but it usually includes forced smiles and restraint. “Nope, not yet,” she says with a chuckle, muffling her frustration. “Well, don’t wait forever. That clock is ticking, ya know,” the sage says before departing, happy with herself for imparting such erudite wisdom. The sage leaves. The woman holds her smile. Alone, she cries…

Cries because she’s been pregnant 4 times and miscarried every one. Cries because she started trying for a baby on her wedding night, and that was 5 years ago. Cries because her husband has an ex-wife and she has given him children. Cries because she wants desperately to try in vitro but can’t even afford the deposit. Cries because she’s done in vitro (multiple rounds) and still has no children. Cries because her best friend wouldn’t be a surrogate. “It would be too weird,” she said. Cries because her medication prevents pregnancy.

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Cries because her husband blames himself, and that guilt makes him a hard person to live with. Cries because all of her sisters have children. Cries because one of her sisters didn’t even want children. Cries because her best friend is pregnant. Cries because she got invited to another baby shower. Cries because her mother keeps asking, “Girl, what are you waiting for?” Cries because her in-laws want to be grandparents. Cries because her neighbor has twins and treats them terribly. Cries because 16-year-olds get pregnant without trying. Cries because she’s an amazing aunt. Cries because she’s already picked out names. Cries because there’s an empty room in her house. Cries because there is an empty space in her body. Cries because she has so much to offer. Cries because he’d be a great dad. Cries because she’d be a great mother, but isn’t.

Somewhere else there’s another woman: 34, 5 children

Image credits: francois karm

People say to her, “5? Good lord, I hope you’re done!” And then they laugh… because those types of comments are funny. The woman laughs too, but not in earnest. She changes the subject, as she always does, and gives the disrespect a pass. Just another day. Alone, she cries… Cries because she’s pregnant with another and feels like she has to hide the joy. Cries because she always wanted a big family and doesn’t see why people seem so disturbed by it. Cries because she has no siblings and felt profoundly lonely as a child. Cries because her Granny had 12 and she’d love to be just like her.

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Cries because she couldn’t imagine life without her children, but people treat her like they’re a punishment. Cries because she doesn’t want to be pitied. Cries because she and her husband are perfectly capable of supporting their family, but that doesn’t seem to matter. Cries because they assume she’s just irresponsible. Cries because she’s tired of the “funny” comments. Cries because she minds her own business. Cries because sometimes she doubts herself and wonders if she should have stopped 2 kids ago. Cries because people are rude. Cries because all she wants to do is live in peace.

Another woman: 40, one child

Image credits: Victoria_Borodinova (not the actual photo)

People say to her, “Only one? You never wanted any more?” “I’m happy with my one,” she says calmly, a rehearsed response she’s given more times than she can count. It’s pretty believable. No one would ever suspect that alone, she cries… Cries because her one pregnancy was a miracle. Cries because her son still asks for a brother or sister. Cries because she always wanted at least 3. Cries because her second pregnancy had to be terminated to save her life. Cries because her doctor says it would be “high-risk.” Cries because she’s struggling to care for the one she has.

Cries because her husband died and she hasn’t found love again. Cries because her family thinks one is enough. Cries because she’s deep into her career and can’t step away. Cries because her postpartum depression was so intense. Cries because she had to have a hysterectomy. Cries because she wants another baby, but can’t have it.

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These women are everywhere. They are our neighbors, our friends, our sisters, our co-workers, our cousins. They have no use for our advice or opinions. Their wombs are their own. Let’s respect that.

Image credits: Joey Thompson (not the actual photo)

When asked about the best response a woman could give to these questions, Nadirah said it depends on how comfortable she is being confrontational. “She could be direct and say that’s a rude and inappropriate question, but not everyone feels comfortable saying that, especially to a respected elder in the family. In that case, it may be easier to say as little as possible. If someone asks when she’s having a baby, she could say ‘Whenever the time is right,’ and change the subject. Keep it short and sweet, but never feel forced to share private information.”

Nadirah also added that when she first published this text, she got a lot of feedback from women who don’t want children. “They felt left out of the conversation. That wasn’t my intention. This is written the way it is because it’s based on real conversions I’ve had around the topic of wanting children. But of course, we should all show the same respect to women who do not want children. Their body, their choice.”

People were really moved by Nadirah’s text

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edodgesa avatar
Elaine Dodge
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cried because although she wanted children, the opportunity never came her way, and then to save her life she had to have a hysterectomy and now pretends she doesn't like kids so people will assume she's ok with never having had any, but she isn't. Cried because people with kids assume she's not interesting enough, not grown-up enough, not a real woman. Cried because no one's really interested in her life and the things she does 'birth', companies, novels, art. Cried because not married, no children and no longer 22 means she's invisible now but knows if she had a husband she'd suddenly be visible, because at least then she'd be half-way a real woman to them. No longer cries. It's not worth the tears. Knows that she stands on a different mountain. One none of them will ever climb or see the view from the top of the world she created on her own, that no one else could and the view is beautiful.

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a professor that never married and couldn't have kids of her own. She adopted a little girl from Korea...she's never been happier and is an awesome mom. You don't need a husband, a uterus or any other traditional means to have a child and raise it. There is always foster care and adoption. If you can't find an adoption agency here that's willing to help you, go overseas. Orphanages are overrun with children in India, China, Korea, and Romania. And foreign adoption is less strict about marital status and income than American adoption agencies.

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demi_zwaan avatar
Demi Zwaan
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where’s the story about the woman who doesn’t want children, but gets asked all the time when she’s going to get them, and cries because apparently children are expected and you’re not a real woman if you don’t want them?

manicbitch avatar
Nyree Huh
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I ask them if they are willing to pay for and raise my child since they seem to want it so badly. Usually shuts them up

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alejandralima29 avatar
Alejandra Lima
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All these cries will end the day those women decide to stop faking a smile for those rude questions and comments. Say "I don't want children. Full stop", "I want another baby. Full stop", "I'm trying to get pregnant again because I want to. Full stop". Why do they hide that? Stop those people and do what you want.

blanchette-kayla avatar
K.B.
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree, and that's what I do but not everyone wants to do that.

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rodneybidmade avatar
Rodney Bidmade
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Somewhere there is a man: 40, never married, no children. Cries because he had leukaemia at 18 and is infertile, cries because he only ever had one girlfriend who broke his heart 17 years ago, cries because of the crippling depression, cries because he sees his ex with her children in his dreams. Hides the pain when people tell him marriage isn't great and children aren't important. Cries when he couldn't provide a home even if he could adopt a child. Cries because all the tokens of his life will end up in a skip bin or op shop days after death. Cries because he knows his Mum will die and no one else truly cares. Cries because men don't get to grieve for a missing partner or absent children. Cries when he realises his name ends with him. Cries when he realises he will never hold the hand of a girl he is in love with. I understand women go through this but so do men. I dream of holding my own little baby in my arms but it's too painful to even think about now. My life is ending, alone.

nwalkowski avatar
Nadine
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a woman tell me "sorry you are barren" because I didn't have a child. She had no knowledge about me at all.

blanchette-kayla avatar
onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And for those of us who took all of the abuse because we never wanted children and didn't have them....being called "sick" and "twisted" and having total strangers tell us that we'll never be "real" women (whatever TF that means), having family members refuse to speak to us because they're convinced that women are holes with feet to them. ..//.. There are multiple sides to this coin. I never cried. I knew that people who say these things are small and ugly - whether they have kids or not. It was the perfect way to weed toxic people out of my life.

veni_vidi_vicky avatar
Vicky Zar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm shocked about the comment where they cannot afford a child..... i know I shouldn't be after what the US is and does in other departments. But I do feel blessed to live in Germany. Posts like these help me see how truly good our lives here in Europe are.

dariab_1 avatar
Daria B
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not the whole Europe, please. There are small and struggling countries there too.

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daeris-art avatar
Daeris
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't imagine people wanting children and yet coudn't have one. I don't want to have any, that's why I decided to give my reproductive egg cells "away" (sorry for my english, not sure if it's a proper form). I'll go through hormone stimulation, for a few months to give another woman a chance to have kids. I can give, in my country, up to 10 kids. I'm really hoping to make some stranger happy

sterrinarnold avatar
Sterrinatu
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So basically.... you don't know people's situation so stop judging. This really goes for anyone, not just women. People in general can be hurt by words so think before you speak.

snorincats avatar
Kathy Baylis
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wanted children, badly, but had multiple miscarriages instead. I know how much it hurts to see people enjoying their children. I don’t begrudge them their enjoyment at all; it just hurts because it’s what I wanted too. People don’t understand just how painful it is to hear them talk about their kids because I wanted to be able to do that too.Then there are the ones who try to be funny. I would say I’d love to have children, and they’d say something like “Well, you can have all of mine”. The worst are the ones who tell me I can’t understand some child-related thing because I don’t have kids; like I can’t understand the bond between mother and child because I’m not a mom. I am completely capable of understanding it very well. And it’s incredibly insulting and downright cruel of you to tell me I can’t. It’s almost as if you’re gloating because I failed at childbirth and you didn’t. Remember, some choose not to have kids, but some don’t have a choice. So try being a little more sensitive to that, OK?

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't let those idiots get to you. Maybe they're envious because you are free to do as you please while they're anchored to the little heathens they gave birth to. What I also hate is I have a big belly and skinny legs. I have had several people ask me when I'm due. I have to jokingly tell them "No..this is all me. Ain't nobody else in here." Every time I do, they stop talking to me. Most of the time, I think it's because they're mortified for assuming I was pregnant instead of just fat. I don't feel sorry for them though. They could have simply asked "Are you pregnant" instead of assuming I was.

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elizabethlordcary avatar
Elizabeth
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have no children biologically of my own. I have an uncle who to this day harasses me about the fact that I have no children, and it's really hard to not get extremely mean to him. At this point I just walk away and get another drink whenever he asks, or show him pictures of my Irish Setter child.

dizasterdeb avatar
Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, I've got to the stage where 'ask a very personal question, get a blunt answer' and if it upsets people that is their problem. Had an aunt say my dogs were my surrogate children once without even knowing if I'd tried and failed or hadn't tried at all.

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leas_ avatar
Lea S.
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not even friendly or nice to these people anymore. I've lost complete patience with them and now just appear to be a b***h. The last time someone asked me when I was going to 'find someone' and start having kids I just said - well the last man I was in love with died from cancer. When you can bring him back - let me know. I run a successful daycare and I love each and everyone of them. So I just tell people - I have six kids, and wonderful unencumbered evenings to do whatever I wish. P.S. My dear Eric would totally approve of that fiesty first answer.

janealexander37 avatar
Jane Alexander
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's only one answer to any of these very personal questions; "Why do you ask?" -then watch them stutter and stammer. Thank you Peg Bracken for your book on manners; 'I Try to Behave Myself'

pam_falcioni avatar
2WheelTravlr
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Realistically people are always going to push your buttons without realizing it. Sure, some of the comments are absolutely rude and completely uncalled for, but many are simply a few words in the middle of a long conversation -- it just happens to be about something that you are already emotionally vulnerable over and suddenly your brain latches onto that one sentence and you can't let it go. My husband died a few months ago, I can't tell you how many things people have said that make me cry or get angry later, none of the statements are mean-spirited, people legit have no idea what will trigger me, and to be honest sometimes I don't even know. We need to learn to watch what we say, but we also need to learn that good people sometimes say stupid things.

coreypichler avatar
CP
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Totally agree. Many of the people have no ill will with, in what they believe are, benign comments. It is nice to have an article that makes us all think about things a little deeper though.

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cayorty avatar
Uncommon Boston
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"My son is a miracle. More would have been nice, but not possible. " Why must I need to say this!! Never say, "It was meant to be." "God only gives us what we can handle." " There is a reason, we just don't know it. " "It is probably best." People have said some of these when I had breast cancer! Thanks for the support.

diz_1 avatar
Laugh Fan
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So true. The other one I hate is 'things happen for a reason'. I hope you are doing well after your cancer.

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emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can relate to this. People always ask me, so you only have the one child. I have to say yes, because how do I tell them I have two..it's just the first one was given up for adoption. I got disapproving looks before...so I stopped saying it. Then they ask.."Are you going to have more?" Then I have to explain how I would have loved to have a whole houseful, but the one I have is high functioning autistic. I was told by a psychiatrist that I had a really good shot at having another child with autism..perhaps with a more severe form. So my husband and I made the conscious decision not to have anymore. To all the women out there that feel guilty, inadequate or ashamed that people question your situation when it comes to family and children..feel free to tell those people that put you in that position to f*** off. What you do is up to you and you can't fix what is out of your control. Stop letting other people judge your life. It's your life, not theirs.

claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes it's a generational thing - older people ask because they are interested in you and it used to be a normal conversational thing, particularly when communities were tighter knit and everyone knew everyone's business (the penalty you pay for community). An older person asked a friend when she was going to have number 2, literally a day after she miscarried. But the older person meant it kindly, just had no idea it wasn't appropriate.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cried b/c I was told at 19: NO KIDS. Tried anyway. The medical experts were right. THree losses and one near-death experience later? I just learned to say, "I can't have kids, it's medical, and we've considered adoption." The End. If they keep going? I walk away. My uterus. My business. My grief. I'm still a person, fully and wholly, and my tears are only *part* of me and my story. One they didn't earn the right to hear just b/c they decided they had.

james_fox1984 avatar
I love Foxxy
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can relate to this so much. After I had my first child it took me 8 years to fall pregnant again and during that time I would get comments like “when are you having another”, “I’m sure your daughter would like a sibling”, I got this comment from a friend “Isn’t it funny that I am pregnant with my third but you are still trying for your second” (we are no longer friends) etc. Then when I had my ectopic pregnancy I would get “at least you have one” or “everything happens for a reason”. The when I finally had my son I get comments like “why is there such a big age gap”, “am I having anymore” etc. People just seem to want to know everything and put in their two cents without knowing the heartache some people go through whether they have one kid, no kids (by choice or not), have 10 kids etc.

ldragonteethl avatar
Della Greymane
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was the 40 year old widow. Now my son is almost grown, and I have no idea what I will do when he moves out.

cronepower avatar
johnc_1 avatar
John C
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a man, and yes, I'm asked about my children and participate in discussions about why I've fathered two, instead of one or three. Something tells me yours is a rhetorical question though, right? As I've been told, most recently here on boredpanda, a 1-to-1 equivalent comparison cannot be made between women and men's biology.

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janetclarke avatar
Hiker Chick
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A friend of mine had 8 children (2 step, 3 from previous marriage, 3 from current marriage, ages something like 6 to 28 at the time). Her youngest were friends with my kids. Wonderful family. She went to the doctor thinking she might be pregnant with her 9th, doctor came out with results and said something like "thank god you're not pregnant again!". My friend was upset and that baby would have been welcomed and loved.

elizabethlordcary avatar
Elizabeth
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The Doctor may have thought she was ready to be finished considering she had 6 biological kids. Having multiple pregnancies does take a heavy toll on the body, not to mention how costly it is to raise a very large family like hers.

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alicebclifford avatar
WaitingtokissGregDavis
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A tactless and stupid woman I worked with once asked me why my husband and I didn't have a brother or sister for my stepson.... we had been trying unsuccessfully for two years but she didn't have the good sense or manners to think of this before she opened her mouth.

mssusanmarie2013 avatar
Susan
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents, please teach your children to never ask such questions, and explain why they should never do so. Adults, who are being asked such questions, please stop putting up with this obnoxious, rude behavior. Just turn your back, and walk away, or speak your mind honestly, but make it clear that they are in the wrong, and you're not tolerating it.

altermyego avatar
Backtotheislands
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Teaching children is the best way to create the change in society that we need. Great suggestion.

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erinsheppard avatar
Erin Sheppard
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was unable to have children of my own. I have adopted 5. My ex and I are divorced, I cry a lot - for all of the reasons listed.

snorincats avatar
Kathy Baylis
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’d love to adopt, but can’t afford it. Going to try to foster in the future, and maybe adopt that way.

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thandeit avatar
Random Panda
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This article hit hard. I'm turning 30 next year and after 4 years of marriage we still have no kids. Were recently told we might need to do in vitro if we want any. Both of us wanted a big family, it's the only thing I've ever been 100% certain I want, so it hurts a lot to know I might not have even one biological child. And it seems everyone around me is getting pregnant and having children.

kathrynfellis avatar
Katchen
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I heard someone once give this advice when faced with a rude or overly personal question. Reply with, “Why do you ask?” It turns the focus back to the asker and makes them think about or defend what they’ve just said.

angijiles avatar
Angi Jiles
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Couldn't conceive after 10 years of trying. Hormone treatments tore me up and couldn't afford in vitro. Chose fostering and have adopted 2 beautiful girls. Turns out, I'm very happy never getting pregnant. Best thing to ever happen.

isabel-nelson-54 avatar
Isabel Nelson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I tried for 20 years to have a child, 8 IVFs donor eggs the lot, in the end I adopted a brother and sister, they needed me and were waiting for me

ispeakcatanese avatar
ispeak catanese
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This made me realize I've surely said things that were unintendedly hurtful to other women. Thank you for posting this.

claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to think people planned the length of gap between pregnancies and would ask them about it (smh). Now I know about miscarriages, fertility issues etc.

hrr311 avatar
Helena R
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some couples are lucky and can, but I think most actually can't, and I think more people need to know

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catmarshall57 avatar
BusLady
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Many women/ couples make the decision not to be parents. It is a highly personal choice, and people should respect that. It's like these prying people are trying to run other people's lives.

catmarshall57 avatar
BusLady
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom had 5 children, and you wouldn't believe the rude comments she/ we endured. The most offensive was "Are all those HERS?" I joke that no one ever asked (about my dad) "Are all those HIS?"

nimpha8 avatar
Éva Nemes
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

30, no one, and NEVER children. And? MY body, my business. ;)

leoh avatar
Leo H
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Funny how noone says this about men,,if your 30 plus with no kids people just assume your gay..

nadineaara avatar
Nadine
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love the since behind this, the more the word progresses into first/second world countries and the better the health care is the less births there will be. We always put having a lot of kids down to being uneducated but it literally is a phase that all countries have gone though and many have progressed past. That kinda means the rise in homosexual relationships is literally a way to ensure that our population doesn't over run the world. The UN speculates that out population will never rise over 12 Billion. So right now people question if you have too much or too little kids as the right amount is around 2/3 but soon that amount is going to dwindle down to 1 or 0. So you're always going to be judge by your choices because people are not that smart

mariposa1979-dc avatar
Renee C.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Was married, had 4 boys, divorced, he literally left the country to not pay child support. I was made to feel less than, because I had to work 2 full time jobs to support me and my children. I missed games, and time with them, but if I hadn't worked, we would've been homeless. People, go to college! When?! How?! Was I supposed to just let my kids be homeless, and up on state care so I could get a degree? No one knows what anyone is going through. Never assume anything about someone else.

bettywilma avatar
Betty Wilma
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should hear the comments when I say I have no children and not married. What's wrong with you you're going to die alone excetera excetera

geri-jernigans avatar
Toast Of Saint Louis
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I got 2 kids and an older lady said to me, didn't you want more? I said hell nawl! For what? I got a girl and a boy, I'm done!

numinosa avatar
Ottmar Straub
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well I do not like all these articles pointing towards men only. If we would start to think about the fact that every human being gets treated like that too often and if we would have the strength to try to understand why all this hurt happened and how to get out of the trap of being a victim by getting fully honest we will turn that wheel of guilt and blame on and on. It is time to drop it all.

doglover_2907 avatar
Dog Lover
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m 42. Never had children. Don’t want children. Never wanted them since my early 20’s. Very happy being single and a dog parent.

marinamercouri avatar
Beatrice Multhaupt
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

''Poor choice of words'' might not be the problem here. Why do SO MANY people just assume that children are like items you pick up at the grocery store: you just tell the sales clerk how many you want and proceed to the check out counter. Wake up, people: life, even in its very early stages, is immensely complicated, so stop asking stupid questions or using intimate topics as fodder for small talk. If someone wants to share information, they inevitably will......provided you're a halfways qualified listener.

blinkpink avatar
Blink Pink
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Wow, a lesbian couple who wants kids--but, isn't that a little selfish? Why don't you just adopt? Wouldn't that be easier than in vitro?" they ask, and she nods. She says it's a good point and that she'll give it thought. She has given it thought throughout a 15 year relationship with her partner while they desperately tried to solidify their marriage through legal means, and she will continue to think on it for the next five years as her fertility rapidly declines. What seemingly nobody knows is that there are so few local adoption agencies willing to work with LGBT couples and many more that reject or ridicule them. That entire nations deny adoptions to people who are gay and/or transgender. Not to mention that two women (even two white women with full-time jobs and spotless records) can only make 70% of what a heterosexual household does; the adoption process is not a cheap one. She cries on her partner's shoulder. They cry together because they have so much love to give.

dariazotova avatar
Daria Z
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cry because my boyfriend doesn't want kids and I cannot afford raising a child on my own. He already has a kid from his previous relationship and I find it so unfair that I also cannot have one. So sad...

dddoucett avatar
Tres D
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We need to stop throwing the word "viral" around so loosly!

maribeltenorio avatar
Remliel
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No. To all of it. Just women seeking validation for their choices. The trick is not to.

pepper2015 avatar
pepper 2015
Community Member
4 years ago

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Cries because all she has is daughters. - India, the land of sons.

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Keith Wollenberg
Community Member
4 years ago

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"Cries because she always wanted a big family and doesn’t see why people seem so disturbed by it." Well, if she wants to know, one reason could be because we're horrified by the prospect of a grossly overpopulated world. Or it's sort of the same way some people feel about the ultra-wealthy who use their wealth to exploit or overconsume (as opposed to supporting charitable causes): You're using up way more than your fair share of a limited resource. If seeing why would make it any better for you.

christysmith_1 avatar
Christy Smith
Community Member
4 years ago

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Depending on the person, when a mother states she has 5 kids ... most especially if she's still actually young (20's) ... you automatically wonder if she's living off the system. If you're living off the system then your a*s doesn't need to keep popping out kids to that degree, it's called birth control, and tax payers don't want to have the pleasure of knowing you had yet another one, and now you're sucking even more off the system, ESPECIALLY if you're walking around with different dads for each of those 3,4,5 children since this makes it look like you obviously have some very bad judgement issues that the rest of us are paying for. If it's just a large, self sufficient, family then it doesn't matter. There are some families that are 'big', but both parents work or 1 parent has a decent job while the other one stays home with the kids cuz child care cost is absolutely insane but they still need a little help (food stamps, WIC) which is understandable & not a big deal.

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Leo H
Community Member
4 years ago

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Funny how women claim they dont need a man Then why cant they be honest and say they dont need kids to be whole.. Kids arent everything

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Nyree Huh
Community Member
4 years ago

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This is insulting to women who don't want kids. it enforces the idea that all women should have kids, cos at the end of the day we are just for breeding right?

rosalie-schnauzer avatar
C
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Nadirah also added that when she first published this text, she got a lot of feedback from women who don’t want children. “They felt left out of the conversation. That wasn’t my intention. This is written the way it is because it’s based on real conversions I’ve had around the topic of wanting children. But of course, we should all show the same respect to women who do not want children. Their body, their choice.”"

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Vanities
Community Member
4 years ago

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Somewhere there is a writer making up ludicrous yet very uncommon comments that people say to women to whine. It might happen. Get over it ladies. We have all been hurt.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, we've all been hurt. A pity you can't have compassion instead of contempt.

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edodgesa avatar
Elaine Dodge
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cried because although she wanted children, the opportunity never came her way, and then to save her life she had to have a hysterectomy and now pretends she doesn't like kids so people will assume she's ok with never having had any, but she isn't. Cried because people with kids assume she's not interesting enough, not grown-up enough, not a real woman. Cried because no one's really interested in her life and the things she does 'birth', companies, novels, art. Cried because not married, no children and no longer 22 means she's invisible now but knows if she had a husband she'd suddenly be visible, because at least then she'd be half-way a real woman to them. No longer cries. It's not worth the tears. Knows that she stands on a different mountain. One none of them will ever climb or see the view from the top of the world she created on her own, that no one else could and the view is beautiful.

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a professor that never married and couldn't have kids of her own. She adopted a little girl from Korea...she's never been happier and is an awesome mom. You don't need a husband, a uterus or any other traditional means to have a child and raise it. There is always foster care and adoption. If you can't find an adoption agency here that's willing to help you, go overseas. Orphanages are overrun with children in India, China, Korea, and Romania. And foreign adoption is less strict about marital status and income than American adoption agencies.

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Demi Zwaan
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where’s the story about the woman who doesn’t want children, but gets asked all the time when she’s going to get them, and cries because apparently children are expected and you’re not a real woman if you don’t want them?

manicbitch avatar
Nyree Huh
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I ask them if they are willing to pay for and raise my child since they seem to want it so badly. Usually shuts them up

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alejandralima29 avatar
Alejandra Lima
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All these cries will end the day those women decide to stop faking a smile for those rude questions and comments. Say "I don't want children. Full stop", "I want another baby. Full stop", "I'm trying to get pregnant again because I want to. Full stop". Why do they hide that? Stop those people and do what you want.

blanchette-kayla avatar
K.B.
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree, and that's what I do but not everyone wants to do that.

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Rodney Bidmade
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Somewhere there is a man: 40, never married, no children. Cries because he had leukaemia at 18 and is infertile, cries because he only ever had one girlfriend who broke his heart 17 years ago, cries because of the crippling depression, cries because he sees his ex with her children in his dreams. Hides the pain when people tell him marriage isn't great and children aren't important. Cries when he couldn't provide a home even if he could adopt a child. Cries because all the tokens of his life will end up in a skip bin or op shop days after death. Cries because he knows his Mum will die and no one else truly cares. Cries because men don't get to grieve for a missing partner or absent children. Cries when he realises his name ends with him. Cries when he realises he will never hold the hand of a girl he is in love with. I understand women go through this but so do men. I dream of holding my own little baby in my arms but it's too painful to even think about now. My life is ending, alone.

nwalkowski avatar
Nadine
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a woman tell me "sorry you are barren" because I didn't have a child. She had no knowledge about me at all.

blanchette-kayla avatar
onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And for those of us who took all of the abuse because we never wanted children and didn't have them....being called "sick" and "twisted" and having total strangers tell us that we'll never be "real" women (whatever TF that means), having family members refuse to speak to us because they're convinced that women are holes with feet to them. ..//.. There are multiple sides to this coin. I never cried. I knew that people who say these things are small and ugly - whether they have kids or not. It was the perfect way to weed toxic people out of my life.

veni_vidi_vicky avatar
Vicky Zar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm shocked about the comment where they cannot afford a child..... i know I shouldn't be after what the US is and does in other departments. But I do feel blessed to live in Germany. Posts like these help me see how truly good our lives here in Europe are.

dariab_1 avatar
Daria B
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not the whole Europe, please. There are small and struggling countries there too.

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daeris-art avatar
Daeris
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't imagine people wanting children and yet coudn't have one. I don't want to have any, that's why I decided to give my reproductive egg cells "away" (sorry for my english, not sure if it's a proper form). I'll go through hormone stimulation, for a few months to give another woman a chance to have kids. I can give, in my country, up to 10 kids. I'm really hoping to make some stranger happy

sterrinarnold avatar
Sterrinatu
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So basically.... you don't know people's situation so stop judging. This really goes for anyone, not just women. People in general can be hurt by words so think before you speak.

snorincats avatar
Kathy Baylis
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wanted children, badly, but had multiple miscarriages instead. I know how much it hurts to see people enjoying their children. I don’t begrudge them their enjoyment at all; it just hurts because it’s what I wanted too. People don’t understand just how painful it is to hear them talk about their kids because I wanted to be able to do that too.Then there are the ones who try to be funny. I would say I’d love to have children, and they’d say something like “Well, you can have all of mine”. The worst are the ones who tell me I can’t understand some child-related thing because I don’t have kids; like I can’t understand the bond between mother and child because I’m not a mom. I am completely capable of understanding it very well. And it’s incredibly insulting and downright cruel of you to tell me I can’t. It’s almost as if you’re gloating because I failed at childbirth and you didn’t. Remember, some choose not to have kids, but some don’t have a choice. So try being a little more sensitive to that, OK?

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't let those idiots get to you. Maybe they're envious because you are free to do as you please while they're anchored to the little heathens they gave birth to. What I also hate is I have a big belly and skinny legs. I have had several people ask me when I'm due. I have to jokingly tell them "No..this is all me. Ain't nobody else in here." Every time I do, they stop talking to me. Most of the time, I think it's because they're mortified for assuming I was pregnant instead of just fat. I don't feel sorry for them though. They could have simply asked "Are you pregnant" instead of assuming I was.

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elizabethlordcary avatar
Elizabeth
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have no children biologically of my own. I have an uncle who to this day harasses me about the fact that I have no children, and it's really hard to not get extremely mean to him. At this point I just walk away and get another drink whenever he asks, or show him pictures of my Irish Setter child.

dizasterdeb avatar
Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, I've got to the stage where 'ask a very personal question, get a blunt answer' and if it upsets people that is their problem. Had an aunt say my dogs were my surrogate children once without even knowing if I'd tried and failed or hadn't tried at all.

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leas_ avatar
Lea S.
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not even friendly or nice to these people anymore. I've lost complete patience with them and now just appear to be a b***h. The last time someone asked me when I was going to 'find someone' and start having kids I just said - well the last man I was in love with died from cancer. When you can bring him back - let me know. I run a successful daycare and I love each and everyone of them. So I just tell people - I have six kids, and wonderful unencumbered evenings to do whatever I wish. P.S. My dear Eric would totally approve of that fiesty first answer.

janealexander37 avatar
Jane Alexander
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's only one answer to any of these very personal questions; "Why do you ask?" -then watch them stutter and stammer. Thank you Peg Bracken for your book on manners; 'I Try to Behave Myself'

pam_falcioni avatar
2WheelTravlr
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Realistically people are always going to push your buttons without realizing it. Sure, some of the comments are absolutely rude and completely uncalled for, but many are simply a few words in the middle of a long conversation -- it just happens to be about something that you are already emotionally vulnerable over and suddenly your brain latches onto that one sentence and you can't let it go. My husband died a few months ago, I can't tell you how many things people have said that make me cry or get angry later, none of the statements are mean-spirited, people legit have no idea what will trigger me, and to be honest sometimes I don't even know. We need to learn to watch what we say, but we also need to learn that good people sometimes say stupid things.

coreypichler avatar
CP
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Totally agree. Many of the people have no ill will with, in what they believe are, benign comments. It is nice to have an article that makes us all think about things a little deeper though.

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cayorty avatar
Uncommon Boston
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"My son is a miracle. More would have been nice, but not possible. " Why must I need to say this!! Never say, "It was meant to be." "God only gives us what we can handle." " There is a reason, we just don't know it. " "It is probably best." People have said some of these when I had breast cancer! Thanks for the support.

diz_1 avatar
Laugh Fan
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So true. The other one I hate is 'things happen for a reason'. I hope you are doing well after your cancer.

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emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can relate to this. People always ask me, so you only have the one child. I have to say yes, because how do I tell them I have two..it's just the first one was given up for adoption. I got disapproving looks before...so I stopped saying it. Then they ask.."Are you going to have more?" Then I have to explain how I would have loved to have a whole houseful, but the one I have is high functioning autistic. I was told by a psychiatrist that I had a really good shot at having another child with autism..perhaps with a more severe form. So my husband and I made the conscious decision not to have anymore. To all the women out there that feel guilty, inadequate or ashamed that people question your situation when it comes to family and children..feel free to tell those people that put you in that position to f*** off. What you do is up to you and you can't fix what is out of your control. Stop letting other people judge your life. It's your life, not theirs.

claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes it's a generational thing - older people ask because they are interested in you and it used to be a normal conversational thing, particularly when communities were tighter knit and everyone knew everyone's business (the penalty you pay for community). An older person asked a friend when she was going to have number 2, literally a day after she miscarried. But the older person meant it kindly, just had no idea it wasn't appropriate.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cried b/c I was told at 19: NO KIDS. Tried anyway. The medical experts were right. THree losses and one near-death experience later? I just learned to say, "I can't have kids, it's medical, and we've considered adoption." The End. If they keep going? I walk away. My uterus. My business. My grief. I'm still a person, fully and wholly, and my tears are only *part* of me and my story. One they didn't earn the right to hear just b/c they decided they had.

james_fox1984 avatar
I love Foxxy
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can relate to this so much. After I had my first child it took me 8 years to fall pregnant again and during that time I would get comments like “when are you having another”, “I’m sure your daughter would like a sibling”, I got this comment from a friend “Isn’t it funny that I am pregnant with my third but you are still trying for your second” (we are no longer friends) etc. Then when I had my ectopic pregnancy I would get “at least you have one” or “everything happens for a reason”. The when I finally had my son I get comments like “why is there such a big age gap”, “am I having anymore” etc. People just seem to want to know everything and put in their two cents without knowing the heartache some people go through whether they have one kid, no kids (by choice or not), have 10 kids etc.

ldragonteethl avatar
Della Greymane
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was the 40 year old widow. Now my son is almost grown, and I have no idea what I will do when he moves out.

cronepower avatar
johnc_1 avatar
John C
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a man, and yes, I'm asked about my children and participate in discussions about why I've fathered two, instead of one or three. Something tells me yours is a rhetorical question though, right? As I've been told, most recently here on boredpanda, a 1-to-1 equivalent comparison cannot be made between women and men's biology.

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janetclarke avatar
Hiker Chick
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A friend of mine had 8 children (2 step, 3 from previous marriage, 3 from current marriage, ages something like 6 to 28 at the time). Her youngest were friends with my kids. Wonderful family. She went to the doctor thinking she might be pregnant with her 9th, doctor came out with results and said something like "thank god you're not pregnant again!". My friend was upset and that baby would have been welcomed and loved.

elizabethlordcary avatar
Elizabeth
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The Doctor may have thought she was ready to be finished considering she had 6 biological kids. Having multiple pregnancies does take a heavy toll on the body, not to mention how costly it is to raise a very large family like hers.

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alicebclifford avatar
WaitingtokissGregDavis
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A tactless and stupid woman I worked with once asked me why my husband and I didn't have a brother or sister for my stepson.... we had been trying unsuccessfully for two years but she didn't have the good sense or manners to think of this before she opened her mouth.

mssusanmarie2013 avatar
Susan
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents, please teach your children to never ask such questions, and explain why they should never do so. Adults, who are being asked such questions, please stop putting up with this obnoxious, rude behavior. Just turn your back, and walk away, or speak your mind honestly, but make it clear that they are in the wrong, and you're not tolerating it.

altermyego avatar
Backtotheislands
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Teaching children is the best way to create the change in society that we need. Great suggestion.

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erinsheppard avatar
Erin Sheppard
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was unable to have children of my own. I have adopted 5. My ex and I are divorced, I cry a lot - for all of the reasons listed.

snorincats avatar
Kathy Baylis
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’d love to adopt, but can’t afford it. Going to try to foster in the future, and maybe adopt that way.

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thandeit avatar
Random Panda
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This article hit hard. I'm turning 30 next year and after 4 years of marriage we still have no kids. Were recently told we might need to do in vitro if we want any. Both of us wanted a big family, it's the only thing I've ever been 100% certain I want, so it hurts a lot to know I might not have even one biological child. And it seems everyone around me is getting pregnant and having children.

kathrynfellis avatar
Katchen
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I heard someone once give this advice when faced with a rude or overly personal question. Reply with, “Why do you ask?” It turns the focus back to the asker and makes them think about or defend what they’ve just said.

angijiles avatar
Angi Jiles
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Couldn't conceive after 10 years of trying. Hormone treatments tore me up and couldn't afford in vitro. Chose fostering and have adopted 2 beautiful girls. Turns out, I'm very happy never getting pregnant. Best thing to ever happen.

isabel-nelson-54 avatar
Isabel Nelson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I tried for 20 years to have a child, 8 IVFs donor eggs the lot, in the end I adopted a brother and sister, they needed me and were waiting for me

ispeakcatanese avatar
ispeak catanese
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This made me realize I've surely said things that were unintendedly hurtful to other women. Thank you for posting this.

claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to think people planned the length of gap between pregnancies and would ask them about it (smh). Now I know about miscarriages, fertility issues etc.

hrr311 avatar
Helena R
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some couples are lucky and can, but I think most actually can't, and I think more people need to know

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catmarshall57 avatar
BusLady
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Many women/ couples make the decision not to be parents. It is a highly personal choice, and people should respect that. It's like these prying people are trying to run other people's lives.

catmarshall57 avatar
BusLady
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom had 5 children, and you wouldn't believe the rude comments she/ we endured. The most offensive was "Are all those HERS?" I joke that no one ever asked (about my dad) "Are all those HIS?"

nimpha8 avatar
Éva Nemes
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

30, no one, and NEVER children. And? MY body, my business. ;)

leoh avatar
Leo H
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Funny how noone says this about men,,if your 30 plus with no kids people just assume your gay..

nadineaara avatar
Nadine
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love the since behind this, the more the word progresses into first/second world countries and the better the health care is the less births there will be. We always put having a lot of kids down to being uneducated but it literally is a phase that all countries have gone though and many have progressed past. That kinda means the rise in homosexual relationships is literally a way to ensure that our population doesn't over run the world. The UN speculates that out population will never rise over 12 Billion. So right now people question if you have too much or too little kids as the right amount is around 2/3 but soon that amount is going to dwindle down to 1 or 0. So you're always going to be judge by your choices because people are not that smart

mariposa1979-dc avatar
Renee C.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Was married, had 4 boys, divorced, he literally left the country to not pay child support. I was made to feel less than, because I had to work 2 full time jobs to support me and my children. I missed games, and time with them, but if I hadn't worked, we would've been homeless. People, go to college! When?! How?! Was I supposed to just let my kids be homeless, and up on state care so I could get a degree? No one knows what anyone is going through. Never assume anything about someone else.

bettywilma avatar
Betty Wilma
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should hear the comments when I say I have no children and not married. What's wrong with you you're going to die alone excetera excetera

geri-jernigans avatar
Toast Of Saint Louis
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I got 2 kids and an older lady said to me, didn't you want more? I said hell nawl! For what? I got a girl and a boy, I'm done!

numinosa avatar
Ottmar Straub
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well I do not like all these articles pointing towards men only. If we would start to think about the fact that every human being gets treated like that too often and if we would have the strength to try to understand why all this hurt happened and how to get out of the trap of being a victim by getting fully honest we will turn that wheel of guilt and blame on and on. It is time to drop it all.

doglover_2907 avatar
Dog Lover
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m 42. Never had children. Don’t want children. Never wanted them since my early 20’s. Very happy being single and a dog parent.

marinamercouri avatar
Beatrice Multhaupt
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

''Poor choice of words'' might not be the problem here. Why do SO MANY people just assume that children are like items you pick up at the grocery store: you just tell the sales clerk how many you want and proceed to the check out counter. Wake up, people: life, even in its very early stages, is immensely complicated, so stop asking stupid questions or using intimate topics as fodder for small talk. If someone wants to share information, they inevitably will......provided you're a halfways qualified listener.

blinkpink avatar
Blink Pink
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Wow, a lesbian couple who wants kids--but, isn't that a little selfish? Why don't you just adopt? Wouldn't that be easier than in vitro?" they ask, and she nods. She says it's a good point and that she'll give it thought. She has given it thought throughout a 15 year relationship with her partner while they desperately tried to solidify their marriage through legal means, and she will continue to think on it for the next five years as her fertility rapidly declines. What seemingly nobody knows is that there are so few local adoption agencies willing to work with LGBT couples and many more that reject or ridicule them. That entire nations deny adoptions to people who are gay and/or transgender. Not to mention that two women (even two white women with full-time jobs and spotless records) can only make 70% of what a heterosexual household does; the adoption process is not a cheap one. She cries on her partner's shoulder. They cry together because they have so much love to give.

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Daria Z
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cry because my boyfriend doesn't want kids and I cannot afford raising a child on my own. He already has a kid from his previous relationship and I find it so unfair that I also cannot have one. So sad...

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Tres D
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We need to stop throwing the word "viral" around so loosly!

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Remliel
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No. To all of it. Just women seeking validation for their choices. The trick is not to.

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pepper 2015
Community Member
4 years ago

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Cries because all she has is daughters. - India, the land of sons.

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Keith Wollenberg
Community Member
4 years ago

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"Cries because she always wanted a big family and doesn’t see why people seem so disturbed by it." Well, if she wants to know, one reason could be because we're horrified by the prospect of a grossly overpopulated world. Or it's sort of the same way some people feel about the ultra-wealthy who use their wealth to exploit or overconsume (as opposed to supporting charitable causes): You're using up way more than your fair share of a limited resource. If seeing why would make it any better for you.

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Christy Smith
Community Member
4 years ago

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Depending on the person, when a mother states she has 5 kids ... most especially if she's still actually young (20's) ... you automatically wonder if she's living off the system. If you're living off the system then your a*s doesn't need to keep popping out kids to that degree, it's called birth control, and tax payers don't want to have the pleasure of knowing you had yet another one, and now you're sucking even more off the system, ESPECIALLY if you're walking around with different dads for each of those 3,4,5 children since this makes it look like you obviously have some very bad judgement issues that the rest of us are paying for. If it's just a large, self sufficient, family then it doesn't matter. There are some families that are 'big', but both parents work or 1 parent has a decent job while the other one stays home with the kids cuz child care cost is absolutely insane but they still need a little help (food stamps, WIC) which is understandable & not a big deal.

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Leo H
Community Member
4 years ago

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Funny how women claim they dont need a man Then why cant they be honest and say they dont need kids to be whole.. Kids arent everything

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Nyree Huh
Community Member
4 years ago

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This is insulting to women who don't want kids. it enforces the idea that all women should have kids, cos at the end of the day we are just for breeding right?

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C
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Nadirah also added that when she first published this text, she got a lot of feedback from women who don’t want children. “They felt left out of the conversation. That wasn’t my intention. This is written the way it is because it’s based on real conversions I’ve had around the topic of wanting children. But of course, we should all show the same respect to women who do not want children. Their body, their choice.”"

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Vanities
Community Member
4 years ago

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Somewhere there is a writer making up ludicrous yet very uncommon comments that people say to women to whine. It might happen. Get over it ladies. We have all been hurt.

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Leo Domitrix
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, we've all been hurt. A pity you can't have compassion instead of contempt.

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